I woke up this morning in complete anguish.
I had just had a dream where there was a HUGE ASS bat living between the ceiling boards of the house I shared with my sister and my father somewhere out in the country. Since the shower was in a woodsy open-ceiling room, the bat was inevitably close and I could never finish showering without screaming my heart out first.
At one point I was in the living room and the bat came flying towards me. I managed to get a baseball bat and knock it down, ultimately pinning it between the bat and the furniture I was sitting in, by the throat. Now, go back and read that sequence of events and imagine me SCREAMING the entire time. It was still moving, so I pressed hard on its neck until it died.
Turns out that the huge ass bat wasn’t the only thing living up there, there was a black cat, and who knows what other animals were lurking right above us. We called an exterminator, who finished the job. In the meantime, there was other drama brewing. My sister, whom we call Tina Fey, was pregnant and she didn’t even know it! And here’s the shocker: she was farther along than I was! She had been pregnant for 6 months, but never really lost her figure. There was her boyfriend just kind of shrugging… they had no idea what was going on.
When the baby was going to come, the people who came out of the room were my former maid (big woman), a huge ass man (really, like a wall), holding a HUGE ASS baby. All the while I kept thinking how on Earth she managed to deliver that size baby.
After the dream, and fast awakening into the real world, I kept remembering all these little things that upset me at one time. Like the time that pretentious girl offered to be my mentor, when we were both at the same level in the company, and she wasn’t even a team leader (that required balls on her part, didn’t it?). Or like my last day at my old company, when one of my mentors (the ONLY person I could call a mentor in that office) decided not to come in for my goodbye lunch and we never said a proper goodbye. In fact, none of the people I worked with showed up to the goodbye lunch. Only my friends did. I still find that extremely upsetting and a slap in the face. What an unceremonious end to my career at the company I devoted 8 years of my life to.
Other little things started coming to mind for no reason at all. As a result, I’ve started out the day feeling quite upset. It’s just one of those days it doesn’t pay to get out of bed.
ina
Photo Credit: http://thomaspierce.tumblr.com/page/2