Last night I was in bed by 10:10pm. I took with me my little notebook where I write down what to do the next day, and this is what I had written down for about a half hour before I could settle on the next line:
5:00 Wake up
For the life of me I couldn’t think of anything I would like to do. There are many things that I certainly NEED to do, but none that I really WANT to do. I was facing yet another day of oversleeping and starting work in a rush, which I have never enjoyed but has become all too common in my life.
When I lived in Connecticut and I had that restrictive diet and budget restrictions, I was the happiest person on Earth. I had a mission and deep focus. I would wake up at 5am, make a cheese and ham egg-white omelet for breakfast and be at work at 7am, even though I didn’t have to be there until 8am. There was power in doing things my way. It felt great. I never veered off course, and I never regretted what I did. I was so committed, it was inhuman.
Now? It doesn’t seem like I have a mission. Now that the house is all set (we finished cleaning it up for the housewarming), there is nothing for me to do with any relevant urgency. I’m grasping at straws to figure out what to do with my time. Yes, I could be doing homework, I could be tidying up my closet, I could be deep-cleaning the bath-tub even, but I don’t have a passion for doing any of that…. I don’t have a passion for anything.
So I resorted to opening up my little Excel random-generator of activities. It’s nothing complicated, you can download it here if you want, but I can’t guarantee it will be up there forever. All you have to do is list all of the things that you need to do, or that you enjoy doing, on Sheet2, and just refresh Sheet1 whenever you want the sheet to tell you what to do next. This helps in these cases when I’m completely lethargic (or bored, in other words) and I have no motivation to do any single thing.
Last night, my spreadsheet told me to write a letter to my niece and nephew (who live in a different state far far away). I thought that would be a good way to get my creative juices going in the morning. So my list for the day shaped up to:
5:00 Wake up
Write a letter
Omelet for breakfast
Shower/get dressed/watch House
Deliver letter
Google search teaching ideas for subbing
Start work
It’s 6:07am, I better go make a yummy breakfast. Wow, I couldn’t even get excited when I wrote that. It’s just going to be one of those days, isn’t it?
ina