Nobody wants to hear you talk about your kids

I gotta say something that is both sad and true: people just don’t want to hear you talk about your kids. Yes, you can include me in that group any day.

Why is it sad?

Because when you are a parent, your children become the center of your universe, and their accomplishments speak volumes of yourself. They are your life and they are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to you. So if someone doesn’t want to hear about your kids, that translates into them not wanting to hear about you. So what do you talk about then? The weather? The local sports team? Your kids are the best topic in the world! But it puts others off, which makes you sad.

Why is it true?

Because when we hear others talk about themselves or their kids, what we hear instead is “My problems are more important than yours/My life is better than yours.” Even with single child-less people this is true: we simply cannot avoid comparing ourselves to others. So when the topic goes to kids, two things can happen: if the listener has no kids they won’t be able to relate, and you are purely alienating them from the conversation; or if the listener has kids, they won’t be able to help themselves and start comparing your kids to theirs, creating animosity and defensive tension in the conversation. I dare anybody out there to say one thing about their kids to another parent, and have that other parent not respond with something “better” about their own kids.

So, now that I am expecting a child, I am becoming more and more aware of when I should bring things up. I’ll make the obvious confession that my pregnancy is ALL I think about: day and night, minute by minute, hour after hour. I want to shout every pain, every decision, every symptom, EVERYTHING from the rooftops. But when I’m around others I’m trying to keep quiet, just answer their questions, and try to keep my endless ranting on every little symptom to myself. Not only for other people’s sake, but for my own as well: I can tell when I’m boring others, and that kind of rejection would hit a soft nerve with me.

So I might be able to manage the talking part (as much as I can without being inhuman), but I can’t seem to be able to stop blogging, so I’m just blogging my pregnant thoughts in my family Blog. Not that anyone is interested in reading that stuff anyway.

So sad… so true.

ina