inacove

Category: Blog

  • I had a dream…

    This dream seemed so real.
    I was in some kind of community (parents? boy scouts?) and we were all going through our own relatinoship struggles.
    There was one couple where a woman was super clumsy, and the guy wasn’t very thoughtful.
    I know there were more.
    I feel like Steve and I were watching them like it was a show, but I feel like I was part of it.
    After a lot of things happened, that girl with the not thoughtful boyfriend fell into the lake (from a branch of a tree where she was with her boyfriend), and a fairy pulled her out.
    Many fairies came out, each one with a power to help someone.
    The woman in the bad relationship went to her boyfriend (At their home I think) and asked him to make her dinner as a test.
    He baked her a really quick biscuit and gave it to her.
    She said why didn’t he think to give her more, like orange juice or avocado.
    He said they didn’t have any.
    She left him.
    Then she went to this guy who was super nice to her, he was on a wheel chair.
    And he would be the kind of guy that couldn’t just go to the grocery store to buy these things, but he said if she bought the oranges he could go online to buy a juicer.
    At that point I “paused the show” and turned to Steve and told him, with tears in my eyes, that it’s not the DOING the thing that matters… she just WANTS him to WANT to be thoughtful towards her.
    Steve just nodded.
    Hit PLAY again.
    The woman ended up asking the wheelchair guy out.
    Like this story there were a couple more. Of men and women whose lives were made better by these fairies.
    They looked at life differently.
    They were going to live for themselves now.

  • Why I decided to quit my job

    Why I decided to quit my job

    I quit my job on Tuesday. I decided to take a year off and stay home with my growing new baby. I have projects I want to get done, a house to streamline, children to nurture, and 2 LLCs to run and grow. Life is about to get interesting.

    Here’s the post-mortem on the decision process:

    The background:

    • On my last performance evaluation conversation with my boss I expressed my ambition to lead a team. We had a plan to turn a certain area of our team into its own department. I would come back from maternity leave and train an army of project managers, and I’d be their director.
    • I said to my mother: “My commute is terrible; I should just quit and find a part-time job close to home. But if I get director, that would be reason enough for me to stay.”
    • By the time I left, the plan had changed. The area we were considering was now just a role, not a department. It would report to a middle manager, not to C-suite. The contractor I hired to do my job during leave would no longer eventually become my employee, but we’d find something else for them to do when I got back.
    • 8 weeks into my leave, I got a call from the middle manager telling me that my area was now off the table, and asked me if I wouldn’t mind fixing the Release Management process (which I had already done my first 6 months with one of the engineering teams). This is a job I could do with one hand tied behind my back. I said yes, fine, whatever. I expressed that if this was the biggest problem the company needed to solve, then yes, I could do it.

    My reaction to this:

    • This took the air out of me. My ambitions were shattered and now I was basically starting over from square 1. No leadership prospects, just doing the same thing over and over again (plus the long commute). But hey, the business must do what the business must do. It has nothing to do with me, it just happened to not work out for me.
    • This new lack of interest was the KEY to my decision. Once my job was not important, other priorities took its place. There’s only so many times I can write the sentence “Streamlined SDLC process” on my resume.
    • While on leave I decided to just forget about my job for a while and treat it as if I was coming to a new company, in a new unknown role, and see how it goes.

    And then, the baby came:

    • By the time the baby came, I had completely deprioritized work in my mind. I would focus my maternity leave on my house and my family.
    • Once the baby was priority #1, my non-descript non-ambition-fulfilling job was not critical enough to keep my interest over this human being.

    The thought process:

    • Now that my job wasn’t so important, I was going to try to spend as much time at home as possible.
    • On the first Monday back, I spoke with the middle manager and asked them if I could turn my job into part-time, or work from home, or both. To my surprise, they said YES to both.
    • I thought about it all week. I found out more about my new job so I could learn what the expectations were and how to do it right. Still, my mind kept going back to things I needed to get done at home. My job was a clear priority #2.
    • If my job is priority #2, and that’s what I’m doing 90% of my time, I’m setting myself up for a pretty crappy time during my son’s early years (which I will never get back)

    The decision:

    • About a month before coming back, my husband had suggested I took a year off. I did not believe this was financially possible, and I felt it was an attack at my career just for being a woman.
    • After the first week back, I took a dive into our finances. It would be tight, and we would be eating from our savings for a while… but it WAS possible. Now, could my ego take the hit?
    • Truth was that I COULD take a year off, and go back to EXACTLY THE SAME JOB I was being offered at my company ANYWHERE else (even closer to home). There was absolutely no downside to my career to take a year off.
    • Decision made.

    What I learned that I didn’t know before:

    • I wouldn’t have made this decision if the next step for my career was around the corner. I would have come back as a manager, proud and happy to be working again and doing something that I have worked very hard for. I wanted to work MORE, to have MORE responsibility, not less.
    • I do believe that the lack of an HR department in my company meant that I was prey to people’s biases about women, maternity leave, and how likely I would be to not come back to work at all. “She might not come back, so don’t bank on her,” which has the effect of “Don’t bank on her, and she won’t want to come back.” It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
    • Yes, women leave the workplace because they CHOOSE to take care of family. But if the industry actually was set up to elevate talent and take professional development of women seriously, they would have made sure to keep my attention. I spoke with my former boss and he said if he had known, he would have given me a larger role coming back. Having lived through this and being there in conversations with him last year, I KNOW that wouldn’t have entered anybody’s mind. Hindsight is 20/20.

    I learned a lot through this. I actually got to live through what that “choice” actually entails. Companies CAN do more, but they have to actually take women’s professional development seriously if they are to keep them around. Women are strong, smart and do have options out there. We are not just grateful for having a job. Those days are long gone.

    ina

  • The decision to become a stay-at-home-mom

    The decision to become a stay-at-home-mom

    I have made the decision to prolong maternity leave for a few more months, but in reality it is my hope that I will not have to go back. I plan on resigning when I am back to work on Tuesday.

    It is my goal to I plan my time such that I can continue to live a purposeful and profitable life outside of corporate America. Time spwnt on baby things will slowly start to diminish as other tasks can take more of my time and focus.

    I am scared of becoming unemployable.

    I am scared of not utilizing my time as efficiently as it is posible while taking care of 2 children.

    I am scared of “giving up.”

    I am scared that I might end up not making more money, and I will also not want to go back to work (bad combination).

    I am scared.

    ina

  • You think you know yourself…

    You think you know yourself…

    I started out the day convinced that I knew what I wanted to do. I would take advantage of my boss’s offer and work part-time from home. And then…

    Spoke to a dear friend, a family member and a complete stranger, and they all had the same advice: if you have the opportunity to take a break from work to pursue your dream career, take it.

    That certainly puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?

    I have been asked to draft a Pros and Cons list of quitting for a year. Here is my attempt at putting everything on the table.

    Pros

    • I get the opportunity to work on my business ideas. Self-fulfillment!
    • I get to raise my kid
    • I get time at home to tackle long-ignored house projects (perfectly organized basement anyone?)
    • Potential to make more money by focusing on my business ideas, and perhaps not have to go back to work at all
    • Full schedule flexibility

    Cons

    • Think it was hard to go back after 4 months? It will be 3x harder to go back after 12.
    • I lose out on the stock options at my job
    • No income means watching our expenses and being frugal
    • Feeling like I gave up and I’m taking the “easy” way out. Feeling lazy. Like a failure.
    • Potentially spending a lot of time alone at home.

    Got some things to figure out.

    ina

  • Someone please tell me what to do

    Someone please tell me what to do

    I have been back at work for 3 days. Last two from home. My boss has told me they are open to me working from home and also part-time. Sounds like a good deal.

    The problems: my brain is mush. I am having trouble concentrating and mustering the stamina to even ask the right questions. Also, nothing at my job seems remotely important in comparison to taking care of my family. And to top it all off, my family (particularly on my husband’s side, including the husband himself) wants me to stop working for a year, and “try again” later. Sounds like a mighty sexy idea right about now.

    I called up my new therapist and asked to move up our appointment to tomorrow. To my surprise, we could make it work, so I’ll get to hash some things out there.

    If I quit, I’m sure I could find a job later, but most likely it would not be part-time from home, and most lilely it will only be peripherally related to my field. Quitting also means less income, so which puts our international ttavel plans at risk in 2018.

    Staying means giving it some time to become acclimated to the role, the new people, the job situation and takw full advantage of a part-time work from home arrangement at a place where I have several thousand shares in options to wait for.

    Everything points to sticking it out.

    But life is so short. And my baby won’t be this young forever.

    Sigh. Conundrum.

    ina

  • Back to work

    Back to work

    I don’t have a clear opinion about going back to work yet, only a stream of consciousness:

    • I am having a hard time concentrating. I am sleep deprived and my usual 120% is nowhere to be found.
    • I will try to perform this job to the best of my ability, even if it is 5mph, but I must reassess later if my best is good enough.
    • I am having a hard time mustering excitement or interest in the subject matter, especially considering that my top priority is still my new child. Nothing seems to compare in terms of importance and time and effort worthiness.

    Husband says I should stay home for a year. I do not want to make a rushed decision without giving the job a chance. This means approximately a month, but a bare minimum of 2 weeks of truly getting my bearings.

    ina

  • The last day of leave

    The last day of leave

    It is 2:35 am. I fell asleep on the couch and now I’m up pumping. Today is officially my last day of leave.

    Yesterday was a great day. Baby G, the committed picky eater, agreed to eat mac & cheese for the first time ever. I was so proud of him. Husband took him to Friendly’s for dinner as a reward. It was unbelievable. There is hope yet.

    For my last day I hope for the same kind of day: pleasant, playful, hopeful, and being prepared for the rollercoaster that will be Monday.

    I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not like I have a one way ticket to hell. There is definitely a return any time I want.

    Priorities on my last day:

    1. Keep the house tidy, and stay up-to-date with the laundry
    2. Prepare the necessary bags to make sure I won’t forget anything for myself or Baby J’s first day of daycare
    3. Put out trash and recycling
    4. Slowly, in an orderly fashion, continue clearing the 1st floor closet off christmas toys so we can continue emptying out the whale-like bins we have in the hallway.

    And then… back to work. Deep breaths.

    ina

  • The Working Mom Dilemma

    The Working Mom Dilemma

    I went to my last therapy session with Melissa yesterday. I spent the whole session stating the work/mom arrangement I want, then contradicting myself the next minute. She was finally able to piece it together very bluntly for me:

    • I am scared that not working for a while will stiffle my career.
    • I have an achievable dream that I should not give up on
    • I will most likely not have the energy for my dream until Baby J (currently 4mos old) is 3 years old.
    • It would be a GOOD THING to go back to my current job and see if part-time telecommuting opportunities exist.

    I guess I should just go with the flow for 2 weeks and then see how it goes. I am in no shape to make a decision on this.

    ina

  • Life purpose

    Life purpose

    I just watched a video on YouTube:

    It says you can figure out your life purpose by answering these questions:

    1. Who am I?
    2. What do I do? (Something you love doing that you feel extremely qualified to teach others)
    3. Who do I do it for?
    4. What do they need or want?
    5. How do they change as a result of my contribution?

    The speaker had the audience answer these questions on the fly, but I had a hard time answering even #2. I LOVE learning new things (my MCAT book is buried in a box somewhere in my basement), but I am extremely qualified to teach People-centric project management techniques. Do I love PM? Yes, I do. But somehow it feels unsatisfying to admit that to myself because it is not something that serves ME. It’s something I do foe other people. The speaker said that’s exactly the point of happiness: having an external locus of satisfaction.

    I uninstalled Candy Crush and installed Duolingo instead. I am excited by the prospect of leaening French in mini spurts.

    So tired. Back hurts. Gonna go to bed.

    ina

  • Day 1 (later)

    Day 1 (later)

    I am ready to start the year. Actually, my year will start on January 3rd, after I get back from out of state. Everything I do, every action I take will be important and have some purpose. Let’s do this.

    ina

    PS: I am uninstalling Candy Crush as soon as I post this. 🤘

  • Baby G has a seizure

    Greg, now 5 years old, had a seizure last Friday. I’m writing this down as detailed as my memory will allow me so that I can refer to it in the future.

    The Night Before

    I was working late the night before (code release). I was in my room. I could hear Greg and Steve playing as Steve tried to get Greg upstairs to go to sleep. It was so late. Why can’t he ever put him down at his actual bed time? Greg came to my room a few times during the release (which ended at 9:45pm). So I know he went to bed at 9:30 at the latest. Greg was in good spirits and came to my room to say good night. What a sweet baby boy.

    That Morning

    The next day, Greg came to my room to cuddle with me as soon as he woke up, as usual. He seemed a bit warm, but it didn’t even occur to me to check his temperature (missed clue #1). Greg came downstairs with me. He went to the bathroom and I gave him some breakfast. He said he didn’t want breakfast; his tummy was too full. This is strange for him, but Cheerios and milk have been known to give him tummy aches, so I figured his baby body was now coming around to rejecting it (missed clue #2). I told him I was sorry, and that’s all there was to eat. “I don’t want to eat it” and I said “You don’t have to… but the cheerios ARE getting soggy.”
    I have been trying to get some work done before I leave for work in an effort to shorten my commute (leave late, run into less traffic). This was only the second day I managed to do it. So, after leaving him to his food, I went to the kitchen table and kept working.
    He came to the kitchen holding the bowl saying “I just had a little bit, not all of it.” I told him I was proud of him for trying and took care of his plate. Then I got him dressed, and left him playing with his Legos in the living room. I went back to the kitchen to work.
    After a few minutes, I heard silence. I thought that was weird, but decided not to investigate. 15 or so min later, I shut down the computer and went to get him to go to school: he had fallen back asleep on the couch. I thought this was also strange (missed clue #3), but since I had only started doing this “work before you go” routine, I really had nothing to compare today to. It was perfectly possible that he would be doing this every day that we leave late: get comfy on the couch and sleep a bit more.
    I put his shoes on as he slept in order to wake him up gently. He asked if he could bring his favorite blanket and keep sleeping in the car. “Of course you can, baby. Let’s go to school.”
    We didn’t listen to any music on the way to school, and he dropped his tablet to the side pretty quickly after we got in the car (missed clue #4). He normally plays his game until at least 10 min before we get to school. This time he wasn’t interested, and he also didn’t ask for music. I had a lot on my mind, so I welcomed the quiet time to put my thoughts together.
    When we got to school, he was his happy energetic self. He said hi to all his friends and he helped me put his lunch in the fridge. I gave him a big hug and a big kiss, and went off on my merry way.

    The Call

    I was at work, doing nothing particularly exciting, when I got a call from an unknown number. I have been getting a lot of those “You’ve won a Caribbean vacation” calls, and I like to pick them up so I can add the number to my “DON’T PICK UP” address book entry. I picked up the phone. Greg’s teacher is on the other end. She said Greg is fine, however he had thrown up all over his clothes and his shoes. Since he didn’t have a lot of clothes at school, she had to let him borrow another boy’s shoes and shorts. My mind immediately went to the stupid Cheerios: his baby body was REALLY rejecting them this time, but I bet he’s fine now that he’s thrown it up (missed clue #5). The teacher said that the vomit was mostly water but there was a lot of it.
    She asked whether I would like to pick him up at the park (where everyone was about to go) or at school. I asked her if he could just go to the park and finish the day, I was sure he was OK. She said the policy was that if a child is sick, the parent must pick them up. I looked at the time: 10:52am. I looked at my screen: not doing anything I couldn’t stop doing right then and there. So there was the question: let him go to the park, or not?
    Since I knew he was FINE, I expected that if he went to the park with his friends he would perk up and play, making it harder for me to peel him off the fun to go home, not to mention what a waste of my time it would have felt: if he’s FINE, then WHY am I picking him up??? What am I going to do? Work from home the rest of the day? What is HE going to do? Should I drop him off at my mother-in-law’s? You know, it’s best if he doesn’t go to the park. So I told her just that.
    I told my coworker what had happened, and he said “Oh, Ina, kids throw up. What’s the big deal?” and I played the opposite argument just to be contrary “Kids don’t just throw up! Do YOU just throw up? Is that something you do???” He laughed and insisted in his point.
    I walked to my car thinking what a waste it was to even come in today. What a waste of a commute.
    Drove to the school and parked outside at a meter. Normally I would park in their lot in the back of the school, but this was going to be so quick, that I didn’t mind just parking it out front. I left my work computer bag in the front seat, my sun-roof open, and put a quarter in the meter for a whooping 15 minutes, of which I would only need 5, I was sure.
    I walked towards the school while playing Candy Crush. I was so distracted I walked right by it…. came back and punched in the code.

    Identifying the Seizure

    I walked into the school to find it desolate. All the kids and teachers had gone to the park on such a nice day. Only the poor newbie aid (not Greg’s regular teacher) had stayed behind to wait for me.
    I introduced myself, and she said she knew me. She made me nervous. She seemed nice, but I had never seen her wearing the school shirt. Who is she anyway? Does she work here? (yes, she did).
    I asked where he was. She said he told her that he went to bed late last night, and he was tired. So she took out her nappy stuff and put him down to rest.
    I walked into his classroom and found him lying on his side on the nappy mat with his blanket on. He was staring right out into the distance, and his hand was near his mouth. He has the habit of picking his upper lip with his fingers.
    I said “hi baby!” and he didn’t respond. I didn’t think much of it. Sometimes I walk into the school and say hi, and he says “hi mami” without even looking at me.
    I got closer and closer and gave him a kiss and kept saying hi. He was still not answering me and not looking at me.
    The teacher was talking the whole time, but I can’t remember what she was saying. Maybe telling me again that he said he was tired, maybe calling his name. I do remember her saying “Gregory, respond, you are scaring me.”
    I pulled up his upper body to sit him up. He was staring into space. I asked him what he was looking at, but I had already started to get scared.
    I pulled him up on his feet. I remember his knees being bent, as he stood up. I held his hand and pulled him across the room to where he was staring out. By the time we reached the door, I realized he wasn’t looking at anything at all, and this must be a seizure. He had had one before, but I wasn’t there for it. It had been described to me as exactly THIS.
    I immediately tried to pick him up and told the teacher I would be taking him to the hospital now. However, as I picked him up it was like dead weight. I had no idea how I was going to manage to put him in the car seat. Never mind that he might be really sick and I could get stuck in traffic while taking him in. Never mind I had no idea how to get to the hospital from where I was. None of those things crossed my mind. The thought was simple: I can’t get him in the car. I have to call 911.

    The 911 call

    I got my phone out of my back pocket (fortunately I had not left it in the car like I usually would when I pick him up the normal way). I dialed 911.
    I sat him down on a kiddy chair and looked at his face. His eyes were looking up at the ceiling.
    I have always thought I would be clear and concise when calling 911. People tend to ramble unnecessary information. I’ve always thought I would listen for questions and answer them as succinctly, quickly and clearly as possible. So I did just that.
    {I requested the 911 recording, but have not received it yet, this is just from memory, which is faulty}

    911: Where is your emergency?”
    ina: 9999 Street name. I have a 5-year old who is having a seizure.
    911: …

    They had me repeat the address a couple of times. They asked me for my name and phone number. They repeated what I said about the 5 year old. They asked me a few more questions. At the same time, the teacher kept talking to me with things to say (doing that rambling stuff I said I didn’t want to do). At one point I could not hear 911 over the teacher and I had to stop and ask her to be quiet, then got back to 911 and asked them to repeat the question.
    Sometime early in the call his body started to shake and jerk. I was holding his right arm with my left hand, while I held the phone with my right. The teacher was holding his left arm in place.
    911 asked me repeatedly NOT to hold him down. “He’s on a chair! I have to hold him up so he won’t fall down.” So they asked me to put him on the ground. “In what position?” I asked. Face down. I tried doing that, but told them that he might choke on his own drool. They said to put him on his side. I tried, but I could hear gargling noises. It didn’t feel right, so I picked him up and put him face down on my lap in fetal position, such that the head would be facing down.
    Greg started coughing and then throwing up green goo. This felt like went on for a long time. I could see his eyes rolling up in their sockets. I put my phone down on the floor next to me with speakerphone on.
    I could hear the ambulance sirens. The teacher said she would go let them in. Good thing she had the presence of mind to do that. I had not thought about how they would get into the school. I was just holding Greg and talking to 911.

    The EMT and ambulance

    The EMTs arrived and immediately took him off my lap and put him face up, reclined at an angle. The shaking stopped shortly after and he started shivering.
    The EMTs put an oxygen mask on him and started an IV of fluids. They asked me a few questions, but I don’t remember what they were. After just a little bit (time unknown) I called my husband to tell him what happened, and to stand by for hospital name.
    The EMTs asked me where to go. I said Children’s Hospital, and the decision was made. I sent a text to my husband to meet us in the ER.
    I was asked to pick up Greg and put him in the stretcher. Although he wasn’t responsive, he was definitely awake and disoriented. Kept pulling all the wires off of him and did not like it when we tried to strap him to the stretcher. I kept talking to him saying mommy loves him and it’s going to be OK. There was no sign of him noticing this.
    We got on the ambulance and I started singing songs to him. There was no response. His eyes opened up wide and he started pulling at all the wires. He even managed to remove his IV from his arm. We held him down as best we could.
    When we got to the hospital, I took a video of it. I wanted to show it to him later. The driver saw me and asked if I was the mom, and I explained I was recording the video for him. He asked me if I wanted him to turn on the ambulance lights. I was so thankful for such a thoughtful request. This is how that turned out:

     



     

    My husband was waiting at the ambulance bay doors. He looked like he had been crying.

    The ER

    We were taken to an exam room and Greg was put on the bed. His face was tired. He was wide awake, but unable to speak.
    We saw a doctor (and her same-named first-year medical student) almost right away. The doctor tried to ask him questions and run tests. I do not remember everything, but I do remember him not even looking at me when the doctor asked him who his mommy was and to point to her. I kept hugging him and putting my face really close to his. His response was to caress my arms and my face very gently, as he always does. Almost instinctively or reflexively. Without speaking, he seemed to remember his sweet loving nature.
    We tried talking and singing, but he would not respond to us. He could look at us now, but no words came out.
    The doctor must have explain what “post-ictal” state is, and expressed that this kind of length of time without speaking was not a usual symptom of a classif febrile seizure, and she would need the neurologist to come and evaluate him. This is the point where Steve and I almost lost it. He left the room and the doctor asked him if he was ok, he answered he was light headed, and I started to feel it too. Having has syncopes as a teenager, I knew what to do: I lied down on the filthy hospital emergency room floor and put my feet up. I remember Steve pointing at me and telling Greg “look how silly mommy is being!” and Greg looked at me. I smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back. That was the moment when Steve and I both realized Greg could be left with permanently damage, and it was too much to take.

    Speech

    It took Greg approximately 2 hours to recover his speech. At first he would only grunt/hum if he was asked a question, or he would press his lips together and blow through them (like a raspberry). He never cried. He simply could not talk.
    Eventually he started saying “mamamamamamamamama.” It almost felt like he was learning to talk all over again, like a baby. I was right there with him and would just reply “baby baby baby…”
    I have listened to enough podcasts about the brain to understand that songs and speech belong in different areas of the brain, so I started singing to him. At one point I sang to him and he responded:

    ina: Watch me whip…
    greg: whip.
    ina: Watch me…
    greg: nay nay

    I was OVER THE MOON. He was speaking words! He wasn’t smiling or having fun, and he didn’t do it again even when I asked him to do it for daddy. But it was there! Then, when they put the IV in, he said “Ow Ow Ow!” which is what he normally says when something hurts. We had speech!
    Slowly his words started coming back. Once he was able to ask me why we were here, I knew we were out of the woods. All I could think about in those moments was all those times I thought I had a perfect child, and how easily that could change.

    By the time the neurologist saw him, he was already speaking. The neurologist believed the description of the seizure did not match with classic febrile seizure, and we needed an outpatient EEG to rule out epilepsy.

     
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    The Tests

    Our doctor ordered the first set of tests: a CT scan of the head. They wanted to make sure there was no mass or bleeding. All clear.
    Blood tests only revealed a slight increase in white blood cells, indicating there may be an infection somewhere. Now it was time to find the cause.
    The doctor felt his stomach and thought she felt the liver being enlarged. Our handy family member pediatric nurse let the doctor know that he suffers from chronic constipation and it was possible that it was just poop pushing on the liver. The doctor felt it once more, and Greg said it hurt. Next test: x-ray to find out why the tummy was tender. All clear. Just poop mass. Liver was fine.
    After the tests, Greg fell asleep. During his sleep, his oxygen levels dropped to 77 (other nurses saw it go down to 88, 84 and 82). The doctor wanted to admit him in case he could have a seizure in his sleep. We were put on a list to go up to a room.
    The doctor now thought that perhaps he could have pneumonia. It would explain the shortness of breath. Greg had xrays on his chest. All clear.
    In the meantime, Greg spent time with his favorite people: mommy, daddy, nana, appa and auntie momo. We showed him videos, made a puzzle and he even got a DVD player from the ER to watch a Spider-Man movie.

     
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    The doctor thought of one more thing: intussusception. It’s a condition in which your intestine telescopes into itself, which is known to cause seizures. Greg was sent for an ultrasound. All clear.
    They also tested Greg’s urine, but nothing came of it either.
    By the time we got out of the ultrasound, it was 9:30pm. We finally made it to a room and were ready for bed by 11pm. Everyone went home but I stayed in a cot next to Greg.

     
    20160924_145749

    The Emotional Turmoil

    Both Steve and I had a moment of unrelated drama which set us off. Some time the next morning I went to the first floor to get a security badge. When I came back to the floor, I found that the door had a sign saying to try another door. But no other door seemed to go my way that would accept my badge. So I stood in front of the door staring at it and I started to bawl. Some guy found me there and helped me find someone who would let me back into the unit. I was crying inconsolably. I felt so fragile.
    For Steve it was after we had been discharged and I told him I’d get him McDonalds. I had misunderstood him over the phone and didn’t get him a Coke. That was the last straw for him.

    The Next Day

    We met our doctors as soon as we got to the floor. Dr Zhu was very nice, as was Dr Raju (the one that took over for Dr Zhu in the morning). They explained everything to us step by step and did not make us feel stupid for asking the questions we were asking.
    We asked why they didn’t do a lumbar puncture or a blood culture to rule out meningitis or a blood disorder. Answer: none of the tests indicate that Greg is actually sick, plus the fact that he has regained his old personality and is in good spirits indicates to them that there isn’t an underlying condition. What he had was probably caused by a virus. We should keep an eye on him until the virus goes away.
    We were comfortable with the answers and took him home to recover.

     
    20160924_1515351

    The Day after Next

    The day after the discharge Greg was still not keeping water or food down. We called his PCP and they recommended he go back to the ER if he hasn’t been able to keep food/drink down by 6pm.
    Here’s Sunday’s log:

    • 4:30am drink water, bloody nose (right side)
    • 8 am drink water (multiple times)
    • 8 am pipi
    • 8:30 temp 99.5
    • 8:30am throw up
    • 9am tiny bite of toast, drink water
    • 9:45 am throw up
    • Refuses to eat
    • Good spirits. Playing with dinosaurs.
    • 10am temp 98
    • 11am temp 98
    • 11am eat pretzels
    • 11:20 no throw up! Temp 98. Ritz crackers. Tiny bites.
    • 11:40 stomach does not feel hard
    • 12 had some pretzel bites
    • 1pm down for a nap
    • 3:30 awake from nap
    • 4 lunch: sweet pot, chicken, bread

    By 6pm, he was back to his old self. I showered him and noticed his arms were all skin and bones. I weighed him and he appeared to have lost 2 pounds (5% of his weight).

    I decided to keep him home on Monday with me to keep watching him.

    The End.

    ina

  • Stream of consciousness at work

    Stream of consciousness at work

    I don’t know. I don’t want to be here right now. Maybe it’s the fact he wouldn’t help me carry the waters. Maybe it’s the fact that mami wants to use uber for someone else and I don’t have the answer. Maybe it’s the fact that my computer keeps crapping out and I don’t have any good options and I feel helpless because I don’t know what I’m looking at when you try to build a computer. Maybe it’s the fact that we keep getting called into the Principal’s office with John. Maybe it’s the fact that the culture in this company is getting militarized. Maybe it’s the fact that Gregory’s ears were hurting him. Maybe it’s that stupid article saying that I can’t have it all. Maybe it’s the fact that Steve was in a good mood and wanted to talk to me for the first time ever and I couldn’t do it.
    I should feel happy that I caught up on all the nutshell work. I should be happy that PIF is going so well and helping the business folks. I should be happy that I have mostly kept my weight in check. I should be happy that Gregory is such a good boy and loves everything so much. I should be happy that Daniel is coming next week and spending time with us. I should be happy.
    I wish I could go to the bathroom.
    I wish food made everything better.
    I wish I weren’t so damn sensitive to everything.
    I’m not really mad or anything… I’m just not hyper happy. Mostly I’m mad about the water thing.
    Ok. Now I’m just hungry.
    I don’t know how much longer that is going to last…
    What should I do when I get back to my desk? Reports time? 1.8 beefing?
    Maybe I could listen to his talk and still charge it back? I don’t know. Let’s look at the Communications tab.
    STOP EATING. FIND A DIFFERENT OBSESSION.
    I want to go home, get under a blanket, get a big TV in our bedroom, and watch politics all night.

  • Kicking off the new year

    Kicking off the new year

    I’m at a cafe on a Saturday night. Husband insisted I left the house and created a plan. He says that I get depressed when I don’t have a plan, and it’s good for nobody. So here I am. Trying to come up with a plan.

    The problem is that I feel like I was here last year. I created a plan. I did not follow through with it, so I felt like I come up with plans but the just drop them. It’s very discouraging for my Type A self when my Type B self wins out.

    The problem is that I need inspiration. It usually comes pouring out of me when I come up with an idea or I listen to an audio book, or watch an inspirational movie. It usually comes from the outside. There are times I have listend to someone speak, and I can’t handle how much it is inspiring me to just get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING.

    My problem is not having role models or a community with which to make these plans. If I am a podcaster, I really need podcaster friends. If I want to own my town in terms of small business websites, I need to get out there and meet people. I don’t have time to meet people.

    Sigh.

    Anyways. What do I want to do this year? I have a few goals that are at the top of the list.

    I’m scared. I’m dead afraid of ending up not having anything to show for it. I need to have a way to track my accomplishments and reward myself for them. I would love for my projects to make money. That would be nice.

    How can I do that? A Trello board won’t do. It’s not visible enough. I’ve played with the idea of having a spot on the third floor where I can have a whiteboard and corkboard to hang things from that encourage and inspire me. But I never go up there.

    Suppose I do that, and I have a great accomplishment for each month that passes by. Am I going to end up feeling the way I feel right now? Like a whole year passed, and things happened, and I’m in the same spot as I was before? What do I want? What do I need? I want something to change. I need something to be different at the end of the year. Is it a higher income? Is that what I’m after? Because if that’s the case, all I have to do is wait for my year end bonus. It’s not a goal.

    Maybe we can have one goal, and the rest is gravy. One focused goal. Just one:

    Create an additional source of income

    Is that it? There are several ways to do this. Everything else will be gravy. I’ll be doing it for fun or as a hobbie.

    There are different ways to do this. Capitalize on the upcoming election to have an elections-focused podcast? Get into the political scene in my town? Interview those people? I don’t know.

    Podcast sponsorships seem like a lot of work.

    I have ideas for 2 more podcasts, but editing them takes so much time. I really don’t think I should devote the time to podcasts until I have finished the restaurant website. Maybe I should block out Saturday afternoons to just work on the Samba site. Or maybe I should realize there isn’t that much to do and buckle down and do it at 8pm when the baby goes down.

    Anyways, none of this is a new source of income.

    Selling things online?…. Providing a service online?…. MAKING AN APP!!! I almost forgot about that!

    I also have a skill for making little movies… I wonder if I could get into the wedding market. It would probably be comparable to a website, though. How much are wedding videos? (quick search revealed they are between $2K and $5K. That includes camarographer fees, though. I don’t know if it’s worth it. I can make that kind of money sticking to what I already know, and get support $ afterwards.

    OK. Let’s reserve some time to finish the restaurant site, and then we’ll move onto making the app. I have 2 ideas for apps. One which would help me ramp up with the technology, and another one which would help me with my goals.

    I’m getting cold and tired.

    I’m also going to need help capitalizing on my skills and talents. Need to figure out what those are and see what I can do to put them out there. Seems like making websites is a no-brainer. Maybe I should put out mailers and see if I can get new clients, and just keep that going.

    I’d also like to do something new. Podcast and Website has been done before. App will be new. What else would be new? What about those places where you go bounce on trampolines to work out? I don’t know. We already have a treadmill and I hate working out.

    Always look for an unquestioned habit. What is something that I already do and like doing, but don’t think about the monetization part of it? Well, I have spoken about my home birth experience and people seem to like it. I have thought about writing an article about it, but I’m not really “all in.” I’d love to write a book, but again, it’s not something I already do and like to do.

    I enjoy traveling to new places. Maybe we could make it a point to travel more this year? See new places around our own area? We never go camping or hiking or anything like that. I think we should. There are so many beautiful places around us. We could go visit our friends in upstate New York and see the Finger Lakes or Lake George. We could go to Portland, ME. Go down to New York City just for the heck of it. We could do these things. Finally go to Provincetown, even if it’s just for the day. Or Martha’s Vineyard. Go to RI and visit family. We should do more of this. Ok. Consider it done.

    Stay in touch with friends. See them more. Do at least one thing with friends a month.

    OK, now we are talking…

    Frequency Feeling wanted at the end of the year Action
    Monthly I’m in touch with my friends Reach out, meet up
    Weekly I’m in touch with my family Reach out, meet up or talk about how things are going
    Weekly I have a podcast audience Post podcasts
    Weekly I have added a new source of income Set time aside to work on mobile apps
    Daily I am in good standing with my websites Finish the website I need to finish, stay on top of backups and communication.
    Chunk of time, a few months I have done everything I can about our business Finish our sushi site

     

    I think that once I’m done with restaurant and sushi sites it will be time to start getting more clients locally. I’ll reach out to my community and see what’s out there.

    I think I got a good plan now. I have focus on finishing the sushi site so that I can get that off my plate and start working on sushi. Yeah! Let’s do it.

    Now, how do I track these goals? I need to have a visible “progress bar” going on… Maybe I can look for ideas when I go to Barnes & Noble with sister tomorrow. See? Already cashing in those family contact points!

    I think it’s time to go back home and give my husband the great news that I won’t be depressed for a little while!!!

    ina

  • Can’t sleep. Brain dump.

    Can’t sleep. Brain dump.

    It’s 3:09am. I have been up since around 2:00am. The main reason I woke up is because my little baby dude has the croup and we are on chicken pox watch. Also, it is the first hot night of the year, and I’ve been worried that the temperature in his room may drop at any second and he may be left feeling too cold, which might worsen his condition. At 2:30 am I finally heard his barky cough. I ran to his side. He didn’t seem fazed by it, just went right back down to sleep, which made me think I should probably just do the same. Been awake ever since.

    Then the stream of consciousness started: why did my friend push the ‘Delete Account’ button on our friendship after it looked as though I was going to be unable to make the Louie show we were going to attend together? (which, by the way, I ended up giving up my ticket for way too prematurely, as I *would have* been able to make it after all). She just chose that moment to stop the friendship. I guess if the relationship was so fragile then if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else soon after. Not a loss I should mourn, but I thought about it tonight because my husband reminded me of it randomly tonight. After that, I picked up my phone and started downloading Stitcher episodes. After that I started thinking about the audiobook of Mark Cuban’s “Winning at the Sport of Business” book (a compilation of his best blogs), and how it’s making me feel like I’m wasting time just by lying there and sleeping. Then I started thinking about the Start Up podcast, and how I could totally be recording the early stages of my business (Ina Nutshell, LLC) on my Ina Nutshell Podcast, and how right now I just have $10 in my business bank account. I could be cronickling my baby’s cough, and how powerful it would be to record a podcast whispering because it’s the middle of the night and I should be sleeping, but I can’t seem to be able to turn my brain off. Also, on a possibly related note, I have allergies which are being super annoying and not letting me shut an eye.

    So, I stopped resisting and came downstairs to blog. Because that’s what I do. Write stuff down. Maybe if I can empty my brain, or plan my week, or whatever, I will be able to go back to sleep for another couple of hours. I have a client meeting at 11am, and I’m afraid I will look like death after all the allergy-induced eye-rubbing I’ve been doing tonight, plus the fact I only got 4 hours of sleep and the previous nights were not any better.

    OK, brain dump time:

    • Ended friendship because of Louis CK. Write a funny blog post about it? Maybe when I’m rich and famous (cuz you know that’s inevitably in my near future, right?) I will get to tell this story to Louis CK himself, and tell him how he cost me a friendship. Maybe he’ll find it hilarious. Maybe I’m underestimating how much older than me he is, and how when I’m R&F he’ll be like 80 years old and not lucid enough to even care. (I googled the age difference, he’s 13 years 7 months 18 days older than I am)
    • That new girl in Sillicon Valley is kind of cool. Reminds me of who I thought I wanted to be in college. Having hacking weekends sounds like a blast: a weekend where you just eat, drink, code and go to the bathroom (not necessarily in that order).
    • I wish I could spend more time writing mobile apps. Right now I’m in the requirements gathering phase of the app, which I know is a SUPER necessary step (I’m a project manager, so duh), but I really wish I could just START. It would not be very efficient or focused, though, and it would not guarantee at all that I would be able to launch a product in any given point in time in the future… so yeah, I really need to get my MVP (minimum viable product) straight.
    • I gave my podcast episode to a client of mine, and she said she would listen. I wish I could forget whether I did that or not so that I wouldn’t be expecting a response. Can’t stop thinking of that song I composed for my husband during that episode.
    • Wish I could just go to sleep.
    • I have 2 websites I should be working on right now, and I am doing it so late at night that my efficiency is through the floor. I have to start getting up early and doing it before I go to work, or take some time off work to do it. Or take some time some weekend to HACK IT and get it done.
    • I feel guilty about leaving my husbad to take care of our baby alone. I know he can do it. I know he doesn’t resent me when he has to. But I still feel like an absentee mother who should be prioritizing spending time with her 3.5 year old than doing some silly websites.
    • My patient clients would not appreciate my calling their websites “silly”
    • I’m hungry.
    • My eyes hurt from all the scratching. I wish the hurt could help me get some shut-eye.
    • Should I plan my week?
    • I am tired. I don’t think I should be doing any more work tonight.
    • I’m afraid of going to sleep because I may be staring at the ceiling for a while.
    • I’m afraid of having too many pick-up-and-put-down projects and I’ll never finish anything.
    • Yesterday was mother’s day, and I feel loved by my family. I’m thankful for my mom and my husband and baby. I have a beautiful family support structure.
    • I don’t know what I should be doing with this awakeness right now. Do websites? Jump into work-work? Watch TV? What does my body need?
    • My husband and I hosted our family for mother’s day, and he took care of the cleanup 100%. I really appreciated that. He wanted to do it. (“Why would I WANT to do the dishes??”)
    • I just read a whole article on How to do things for your partner that would make you feel appreciated and 30 things men wish women knew. I don’t feel like my husband and I particularly need to discuss these articles in depth, but they were a fun (and educational) read.
    • It is almost 4am. Should I just stay awake? I feel more awake now than I was when I started writing this.
    • I just called in “baby” sick at work. Haven’t had much sleep all weekend, and baby is on chicken pox watch after his croup and fever last night. Better to stay.
    • I’m hungry.
    • Now that I’m staying home, I can think more long-term about today. I can always go back to bed later.
    • I just looked up how much to charge for website ad space. Will need this for girlPOWERcode.
    • I really want to start the powercode videos, but what is stopping me is the money because I haven’t created the set or bought the materials to make the t-shirts. At the same time, I know these are excuses. I could be starting a lot sooner in planning and setting up lessons. I also know I want to get my app up and running in the store so I can start talking about that, but I have a million other topics to discuss, so this is not really a requirement either. Gotta get on that.
    • It is 4:11am.
    • I don’t think I’ll be going to bed. Might as well get some work done. Let’s do that.

    Thanks for listening to my rant.

    ina

  • Rescue Bots – Theme song lyrics

    Rescue Bots – Theme song lyrics

    Gregory has been obsessed with Rescue Bots for a whole year at this point, and it’s actually a pretty good show.

    For those of you who are not familiar with the show, Rescue Bots are transformers who transform into a fire truck (Heat Wave), a police car (Chase), a bulldozer (Boulder) and a helicopter (Blades). Whoever came up with this idea knew EXACTLY what 2-3 year olds would LOVE. It is GENIUS. Not to mention the entire collection of merch they have been able to get kids to “need.” I have been a victim of commercialization in this regard, and they are Gregory’s favorite toys. Most recently they came up with DINOBOTS – the same characters now transform into dinosaurs. There is no end to the marketing genius of these ideas!!!

    For a while I’ve been coasting singing the theme song, but today I said NO MORE. I will learn these words! So, here they are in their pure glory.


    A routine patrol with four Bots in stasis
    Years later awoke in the strangest of places
    Earth was their home now and in addition
    Optimus Prime gave them this mission:

    ‘Learn from the humans, serve and protect,
    Live in their world, earn their respect.
    A family of heroes will be your allies,
    To others remain robots in disguise.’

    Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue,
    Humans in need, heroes indeed,
    Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue,
    Rescue Bots.

    With Cody to guide them and show them the way,
    Rescue Bots will be saving the day.

    Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue, Rescue Bots.

    Enjoy!

    ina

    20150127_092204

  • 4am

    4am

    4amWoke up at 4:03 am. Didn’t even want to stay in bed (that’s very different for me), so I came downstairs, started the dishwasher, attempted to make hot cocoa from a Hershey’s 100% cocoa box I bought yesterday (#fail), and now I’m writing this tiny blog.

    I don’t want to spend too much time on the computer right now, I just want to PLAN. I was listening to a very good podcast by the guys from Cracked.com titled Why your brain is sabotaging you again, and it is possibly the most inspirational podcast I have ever listened to. It really gets you off your bum because it makes you face the reality that you probably spend your time doing EXACTLY what you want to do, and carving out time to do other things is REALLY HARD. It also sheds light on the fact that your dreams for your own future lay on what you do about it TODAY. A recent college grad would laugh in your face if you asked them what their retirement plan was, and an aspiring writer would come up with a million excuses why they can’t get any writing today or this week or this month even though all it takes is a page a day. It’s really remarkable logic and it makes you want to challenge it.

    I just spent the past half an hour reading articles on Cracked while I was trying to find the link to the episode I just referenced. Not a great way to start this roll of newfound time to do things for my future… but hey, you gotta start somewhere. So I’m going to stop writing this silly post, and just say it: LISTEN TO THAT PODCAST. It will be much better than anything I write here for you, and it will give me my time back so I can get to my future evil plans 🙂

    Enjoy your Thursday everyone. Maybe I should go make some breakfast. I’m so hungry.

    ina

  • I wish I were a drinker: A belated Thanksgiving post.

    I wish I were a drinker: A belated Thanksgiving post.

    2014-ThanksgivingIt is midnight on Friday night. I have had a lovely calm, quiet and relaxing evening. I put my baby down at 6:50pm, and all I’ve done since then is: make my own dinner, play FreeCiv on my baby’s tablet, and watch old episodes of Entourage. At the same time, I’m feeling a bit conflicted. I am on the Atkins diet which has actually been working great for the past 3 weeks. I have lost 5 pounds and I do feel like I am eating healthier than I have in the past 2 years. However, I’m going to tell you what I miss: snacking. I miss going to the fridge or the cupboard and grabbing whatever is there and eating a lot of it.

    Yesterday was Thanksgiving, so technically it was a cheat day (who’s on a diet on Thanksgiving, are you kidding me?). I had resolved to take it in stride: don’t overeat like you normally would, just have a little bit of everything and that’s it. Well, I wish I could say I had had better self control. I went completely overboard. By the time dinner was served I was already stuffed: crackers, dip, cheese, crab cakes, I mean, the works. When I finished dinner I literally had to excuse myself from the table to go sit on the couch. I thought I was going to throw up. Did that stop me from having dessert? No way, José. I had a piece of everything for dessert: a brownie, a chocolate-pecan-caramel bar, a slice of chocolate cake à la mode, and something else I’m sure. I overdid it in the worst possible way.

    So today I’m feeling guilty. Did I just set myself back several weeks’ worth of effort? Most importantly, what is wrong with me and eating? Why can’t I stop thinking about food?

    This whole introspection at midnight after a holiday makes me wish I were a drinker: I feel like I’d be able to handle these existential questions much better if I were drunk right now. At the very least it would make for one hilarious blog post.

    I think I’m gonna go get myself some strawberries tomorrow and perhaps make a strawberry-pecan Atkins-friendly cupcake or something. I can’t stop thinking about food, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Ugh. Oh well, at least there’s always sugar-free jello (the secret awesome Atkins-acceptable dessert).

    Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone,

    ina

  • I used to have a uJournal

    I used to have a uJournal

    Once upon a time, back when blogs were used as personal diaries rather than news articles, I used to have a uJournal account. Nobody knew I had it, so there was no pressure to please or worries about what people would think. Some other ujournalers would stumble upon it serendipitously and write comments on posts, and I made some new friends. It was a safe space. I would blog daily, sometimes multiple times a day. Truth is… I miss it.

    Every moment of the day I think of things to blog about. I want to talk, share, say everything that is on my mind ALL THE TIME. Some people use Facebook for that, some people use Twitter… and I used to be one of them. After I closed down my uJournal account I turned to Facebook to post everything I could think of. But then I got shy. I started looking in and came to the conclusion that my need to share did not have to equal airing my dirty laundry to 700 of my acquaintances on a minute-by-minute basis. So I deleted it all. The entire Facebook history. Gone. Not an easy feat considering Facebook does not have a “Delete History” button. It took me weeks to delete every single timeline item one by one.

    So where does that leave us? An urgent need to share, but a strong desire for not spamming people who could care less.

    Well, there’s always my good home at inacove.com. This is my forum. If you are not interested in reading, don’t come here. If you don’t want to get updates, don’t subscribe. If you do want to know what’s going on, you know where to find me.

    ina

  • Celebrity look-alike babies

    Celebrity look-alike babies

    Ok, this was just too cute to pass up.

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  • Diet begins

    Diet begins

    atkinsBefore I had children, I was always looking for things to do. Going on diets was a great way to pass the time. Now that baby is here, I have zero time to fill with other things (I know, life is tough). It had been a while since I had set out to apply some discipline to my eating habits, but I think it’s time.

    Without further ado, I’m happy to introduce my latest adventure into the realm of deprivation: the Atkins Diet.

    I did the Atkins back in 2004 for a month; the goal was to reach a super trim goal of 105 lbs, which I did! I know it doesn’t sound like a healthy weight, but considering my height, you’d be surprised to know that 105 still falls within the normal level of BMI, so don’t worry, I’m not striving for starvation here. Just daydreaming about seeing that magical number on the scale which we all have in mind (think about it: what is your perfect weight?).

    Anyways, it’s time to get back on it. It is day 1 and I have planned my meals for the next 3 days until I can go shopping again. Shopping was super expensive (some of those sugar supplements ain’t cheap!), so there’s the first tip.

    Now, we track track track!!! Wish me luck!

    ina

    Atkins Diet: Phase 1 – Acceptable foods

  • Comedian Book Review: Fey, Kaling, Griffin, Dratch, Mohr

    Over the last few weeks I have indulged in a comedian book binge. It all started when I read Bossypants by Tina Fey a couple of years ago, four times in a row.

    Parenthesis: The Audiobook Defense

    I feel the need to make a quick stop here and say that my husband would like me to clarify that I did not actually READ these books, but had the author read them to me via audible.com. Somehow I do not get reading credit for audiobooks, even though I firmly believe they are a better way to experience a biography or memoir as long as it is read by the author themself. You see, it’s not like I am having Macbeth read to me by some random dude with a booming voice just because I’m too lazy to read (which, admittedly, I would totally do). When an entertainer writes something, it is a disservice to you as the “reader” to not have them read it to you in their own voice.

    There are many neat perks to listening to an audiobook instead of reading the book. Here are a few:

    1. You can hear the author make adjustments to the writing just because it’s an audiobook. For example, they can’t say “as you read these pages,” instead, they change it to “as you listen to this audiobook.” This reminds you that the person reading to you is not just reading verbatim, but instead it gives the effect that they are talking to you.
    2. The performer/author/reader injects the actual intended tone to the writing. You won’t know what I mean until you hear Tina Fey impersonating Lorne Michaels’s slow low timbre, or Rachel Dratch making alien voices to her agent on the phone, or Kathy Griffin actually saying “um” in the middle of a sentence (unless you are reading along with her, it would be impossible for you to know whether she’s actually reading or if she lifted her eyes from the page to tell you the story as she remembered it).
    3. Audiobooks don’t require you to find a quiet spot to read them, or to find the motivation to pick up the book when you should be cleaning the kitchen instead. They are actually handy to have when you are driving to/from work, waiting in line, or taking a shower (yes, I have a bluetooth water resistant speaker that I hook up to my phone and bring into the shower to listen to my shows).

    I may not get “reader” credit, but I definitely WIN in the “drawing entertainment from books” category.

    End parenthesis

     
    As I was saying, I have been binging on books written by comedians, and it all started with Tina Fey’s book. I downloaded it when I went back to work after having a baby a couple of years ago as a means to give me that uplifting talk I needed to get back into the swing of work. I liked it so much that I listened to it over and over again. Then a couple of months ago, in a lull of good audible material, I decided to re-listen to it and it got me curious about comedians in general. Here were my findings, in order from BEST to WORST.

    Tina Fey
    Bossypants

    bossypantsBefore you sit down to read (ok ok ok, before you take a drive with this audiobook), you should be at least somewhat aware of the humongous powerhouse that this woman represents in the entertainment industry. What’s that? You’re not aware of this? Have you been living in a shoebox for the past 10 years?

    For the purposes of this review, here’s the 411 on Ms Fey: first ever woman head writer to Saturday Night Live and to man the Weekend Update desk (no pun intended), head writer/exec producer/star of the hugely popular sitcom 30 Rock (100% her brainchild), brilliant impersonator of 2008 VP candidate Sarah Palin, accomplished screenwriter of the incredibly funny movie “Mean Girls” and star of many other comedies. You can find her on Twitter at @TinaFey123, but she only posted 7 tweets the day she joined (5/27/2009) and never posted anything again.

    You’re up to date now. You’re welcome.

    In this book, Ms Fey walks you through her childhood as a precocious teenager, wise beyond her years (no matter how much of a dork she will have you believe she was). She was insightful, compassionate (although not very patient), and most of all confident. She took risks in her life and career choices as if nothing was ever going to go wrong.

    So, where does one get such drive? She spends a whole chapter talking about the most important authority figure in her life: her father, and I firmly believe he had a lot to do with this. With a strong male presence in her life, Ms Fey grew up knowing that failure was not an option; not because she was afraid (which she probably was), but because she was wired this way. In her mind, you do or do not, there is no “try” (there’s your Star Wars reference, Ms Fey).

    As you dive deeper into this book, you can’t help but get filled with ambition, hope, and the assertion that women can do and be many things all at once. To channel the feeling, I can say: I’m the boss, I’m mommy, I’m really busy, I’m so tired, I need to spend 5 more minutes in the car when I get home before I go in, I totally should hire help because I can’t do it all, I want my son to fear my wrath, I want my son to love me, I enjoy pedicures and manicures, I love my husband, I enjoy doing my hair before I go to work in the morning, I look good in make-up, I deserve a good salary for what I do, I don’t NEED my husband’s help but I sure want him to WANT to help, I will go out to do something new with my girlfriends, I love taking my son out for waffles. I can keep going and going, but I hope you get the point: Ms Fey makes you feel like this is the way life is supposed to be: complicated. You love, you hate, you want, you need, you don’t want, you don’t need, you demand, you regret, you give. That is life. Being a celebrity has nothing to do with this book, it’s all about work as an integral and fulfilling part of life, not an unavoidable burden. On the other hand, her impression of Sylvester Stallone is definitely worth the listen.

    Mindy Kaling
    Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

    mindyMindy Kaling got her big break as the only woman writer in the successful sitcom The Office (American version) and moved onto create her own show, the hilarious The Mindy Project. You can find her on twitter at @MindyKaling, and she’s HILARIOUS. She posts all the time!

    I’ll start by saying I love Mindy. I won’t call her Ms Kaling because she’s so close to my age (she-34, me-32) that I think we could actually be friends in real life. However, this review is not all Xs and Os. I have to admit that I seriously considered stopping the “tape” half way through the first chapter because I did not know if I could stand her voice for a whole 4.5 hours. Oh my goodness, her voice can seriously be piercing. She also speaks very fast, so the piercing tone plus the lack of enunciation made for a painful listen at first. Fortunately, it grew on me and I was able to continue (after I made myself do it).

    One of the best moments in the book, which makes it stand apart from all the rest, was when I heard Mindy say “I’m sorry I’m not obsessed with 60s, 70s, 80s comedy, […] or obsessed with Caddy Shack.” O.M.G. THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. This was the moment when I realized I was listening to someone who is MY AGE. Perhaps it is her youth and inexperience that made her voice be so mumbled and shrieky. If you listen to everyone else’s book (that’s being reviewed here) you can hear them say each word individually, and pronounce every single syllable. Sorry, Mindy, I love you much, but you could have used some book reading lessons. Anyways, I still thought that listening to someone who was so close to me in longevity of life experiences was a huge selling point that stayed with me through the rest of the book.

    Putting that aside, I found Mindy’s book refreshingly honest. I loved her stories from high school and the way she explained how she got her start and big break in show business. It was in enough detail to understand, but general enough to keep the book moving. I couldn’t help but love her a little bit more every time she mentioned food (I happen to have an oral fixation I can’t shake, and food is my friend), or being star struck, or how she gets easily distracted. I couldn’t help but feeling like I was there with her and we could be chatting together like old friends. I saw myself in her New York apartment, lounging on the futon with Judge something-or-other on TV, laptops on our laps, and bonding over our favorite cupcake and ice cream flavors.

    Mindy has a kind of confidence that I completely relate to. She said that she had spent so much time among tall white girls that, by the time she graduated college, she “carried [herself] with the confidence of a tall person. It’s all in the head. It works out.” I completely relate to this thought. Once I made it to college and people stopped making fun of my height, I started to forget that it mattered. Guys wanted to date me, my girlfriends were just a couple of inches taller than I was, and my height stopped being an issue. To this day, when someone makes fun of my height, it hits a button that has not been touched since 5th grade and I must say it does hurt. It’s like a door that I lost the key to, and all of the sudden someone managed to open it just enough for me to sneak a peak into it. Once the door is shut again, I’m as tall as everyone else. Mindy’s confidence reminded me that it IS all in the head.

    The style of the book is in short essays, and it made me realize that writing my own memoir doesn’t have to be a continuous story, it can just be chapters to explain my thoughts on different topics. Mindy has many such chapters, and each one is as funny and memorable as the next. Reading this book is like hanging out with a good friend. Not the kind of friend that we have as adults, but the kind of friend we have in school, where we talk on the phone every day for hours, where we pass notes in class, and where we seek each other’s opinion on everything that matters. I miss those friendships, and I have the feeling Mindy manages to still have this type of relationships in her life. After reading her book, I want to be her middle school friend.

    Kathy Griffin
    Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin

    kathyKathy Griffin got her start as a stand up comedian who got her big break when she got cast to play the funny sidekick in the primetime NBC sitcom Suddenly Susan opposite Brooke Shields. She then got her own reality show, which followed her as a D-List celebrity trying to make it in Hollywood called Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, for which she has earned multiple Emmys. She does HBO stand up comedy specials and still tours the country (and visits troups in war zones). She’s an avid “twatter” at @KathyGriffin.

    I have been watching Ms Griffin ever since I saw her stand-up act on TV. I had no idea who she was, but I thought I remembered her from TV (she had made appearances on Seinfeld and other shows), and I just happened to find her particular style of humour appealing. Ok, I’ll say it, I enjoy celebrity gossip, ok? Since that’s what her act is made of, it was a match made in Heaven!

    Her book is many things at once: funny, introspective, honest. Much like her act. She gets pretty personal and raw in a full confessional about her alleged child molestor brother, Kenny. He never molested her per se, but she was the only one who cut all ties with him as soon as she found out what he was up to. He ended up dying at some point, and the whole story is quite depressing, but I’m sure many people will relate to it. Perhaps not relate to the exact details of the story, but with the cathartic effect of putting it out there and talking about such a difficult topic out loud. You might not think it’s that big a deal (after all, she did not get physically hurt by Kenny), but when you realize that she is a HUMAN person with family and friends, and saying things like these in the public light will cause people to react, you might start to get how brave it was of her to share her story.

    She also gets very personal about her sister-like relationship with Brooke Shields, and how much she looked up to her, and how she got to see her real side. The parts of the book where she talks about Brooke actually make me like Brooke Shields a lot more than I did. I was under the mistaken impression that Ms Griffin was the ugly duckling reject of the Suddenly Susan cast, when in reality she was the glue. She was friends with everyone, although she would not put it in those terms (as I’m sure she pissed enough people off along the way). The bottom line was: she was a hard worker, she cared about her peers, and she loved being on that show. From the start she has been completely sober (no alcohol, no drugs, no NOTHING), she shows up to work on time, and she does not reject a job. I’ve always admired that in someone who doesn’t have it easy: when they are down in the dumps, they will not complain or blame anybody else; they take full responsibility and ownership of their situation and work hard to get out from the bottom.

    Along the same lines, you would be surprised at all the incredibly ballsy and creative ways she managed to kickstart her career more than once. Every single time it was all based on her knowing her strengths and putting them to work. She did not have it easy, but never gave up. Right there where you see her, making fun of other people for a living, she has much more integrity than any druggie alcoholic actor that makes $20M per film and shows up late every day. Ms Griffin is a professional, and you want to root for her and see her succeed. If there’s anybody who deserves it is her.

    Rachel Dratch
    Girl Walks into a Bar: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle

    rachelRachel Dratch got her fame from being a cast member in Saturday Night Live for 7 years. You might remember her as Debbie Downer, a character she made famous in her third season on the show. She also made guest appearances in 30 Rock alongside Tina Fey, not to be seen or heard from since. You can follow her at @TheRealDratch. I didn’t know she was on, so I just started following her myself.

    This was probably the strangest book I “read.” Rachel is an absolutely delightful, funny, and likable actress of whom I would definitely like to see more. But, for some reason, she’s not getting good offers. That’s how the book begins: her agent calls her up and offers her such outlandish day jobs that Rachel has no choice but to decline.

    I’m going to stop right here and tell you something. I firmly believe Ms Dratch has the talent and contacts to make it in comedies in Hollywood. What I’m not so convinced she has is the smarts. Not that she’s not smart, she did go to an IV league college and is lucid enough to put this book together and to tell a compelling story. However, she does not seem to have the kind of drive that Ms Fey has when she wakes up in the morning. You know what Ms Fey did WHILE she was working a full time job at SNL? Write, produce and cast a pilot for a new show, AND had a baby. What did Rachel do? Go out partying, and claim she’s too busy for even a relationship. I know this might not be a fully fair assessment. After all, I already mentioned what a powerhouse Ms Fey is, and she is most certainly one of a kind. All I’m saying is that nowhere in Ms Dratch’s book she mentions even the possibility of creating her own roles and writing her own parts. That was one of the biggest take-aways from Ms Fey’s book: “if you want a part, you’ll have to write it yourself.” Ms Dratch seems to have missed that memo. (Edit: after posting this I re-read this and realized it was a bit harsh. Everyone is different, and I may have been projecting feelings of inadequacy on Ms Dratch. I still admire her a whole ton, and I guess she would just write her own stuff so I can see her on TV more. I miss her.)

    That was my rant. Now that I’ve made my point, I can tell you that Ms Dratch’s story is quite the guilty pleasure to listen to. She talks about her experiences at SNL, and explains her involvement in 30 Rock. Originally Ms Dratch was cast in the role of Jenna, the high-maintenance star of the fictional show within the sitcom, but was later replaced by “leggy and blond” (to quote Ms Fey) Jane Krakowski. Now, I must confess that as much as I love the 30 Rock show, I have always found Jane (as Jenna) to be the most annoying character of all. I have to say that I would have loved to see a version of the show where the star was Ms Dratch. She is much more normal looking, she has ACTUALLY been a star in a late-night live TV show, and she actually has a great comedic talent. I would have loved to see her as a diva. Apparently this was not to be. Networks wanted someone who was better looking and more conventionally talented. Had I known this at the time of casting, I would have definitely written a very stern tweet in protest. Perhaps I still will.

    Ms Dratch’s experiences in show business are quite entertaining, and then she moves on to talk about dating. It is quite sad to see her strike out so much, and I actually stopped thinking of her as an incredibly talented woman, and started to see her more as a pathetic creature who can’t scare up a date. Perhaps that says more about me and how judgmental I am, rather than her real character. It was just so painful to see her go out with such losers, cannibals, and substance abusers. I would hate to think that I’m just an evil witch who looks down on anyone without a boyfriend by the age of 43, so I’m just going to say that Ms Dratch did nothing to elevate my confidence in her. She was so self-deprecating that I actually started to believe it. It was just so sad to see her wait for love and see nothing come of it.

    I did say a bit earlier that she’s a comic genius, right? Well, if I didn’t use those words, I meant to. Her style of writing was actually quite creative. She didn’t just tell you her story, she verbally illustrated it in such a way that you felt you were watching an episode of Ally McBeal. You know how in that show Ally would have hallucinations? That’s what I like to call them, but it was more like daydreams where she would picture something impossible happening. Like if she wanted the Earth to swallow her, you would see the floor open up a hole and taking her down with it on the screen. That’s how Ms Dratch narrates her story. She makes sure that every action and thought is illustrated by how it felt. It was quite amusing and very enteraining to read. I’m glad she wrote this book, and I’ll probably “read” it again.

    Jay Mohr
    Gasping for Airtime: Two Years In the Trenches of Saturday Night Live

    jayI know Jay Mohr from the movies Picture Perfect and Jerry Maguire. What I didn’t know was that he was a cast member of SNL back in 1993. Can’t blame me, SNL was not televised in Venezuela, and I only heard of it for the first time in my life in 1999. Now, Jay hosts a podcast called Mohr Stories. Twitter: @JayMohr37.

    Mr Mohr starts out this book by saying that it’s no wonder there is no tell-all book about SNL out there, the experience is just so depressing that nobody wants to have to recount it. That’s in the first few lines of the book. You know when they tell you that if you are doing stand-up you should not tell your audience that you’re not funny, because they will believe you and not laugh? I think that’s what happened here. I believed him. His story was going to be depressing.

    Mr Mohr spends the entire book pretty much recounting his unbearable experience at SNL. I understand that the show is quite cut-throat, and people can be real prima donnas and the whole system may be run by characters who are great on TV but quite inept when it comes to personal relationships. Heck, I would NOT want to work at SNL. They really couldn’t pay me enough to work there. Ok, perhaps that is a lie. If someone offered me a job as a writer or performer, I probably would accept for the experience alone. Huh… I think we just got to the bottom of the situation: SNL is an offer you cannot refuse. Even Mindy’s recount of her week at SNL is excruciating. There is so much pressure to perform, and by the time you get there it feels like you made it to home room 5 minutes too late and everyone has already paired up to do the next assignment. Terrible feeling if I remember correctly.

    The point is that SNL is the best for people who already got the hang of it. Newbies? Unless there is a charitable soul who is willing to take you under their wing, you are screwed. Sink or swim situation. Well, I’m sorry to say that our good friend Mr Mohr, who wrote a book about it, sank. To the bottom. Never to come back up.

    Actually that is not true. He did come back up. He starred in one movie with Jennifer Aniston, whom he has recounted so many times that he did NOT get along with. Apparently Jennifer was quite upset that they didn’t pick someone else who had auditioned for the role, and she never quite warmed up to Mr Mohr. He’s still talking about it on his podcast any chance he gets.

    That’s another thing, I have listened to his podcast, and I don’t consider him to be a particularly talented interviewer (sorry Jay, I like you, but your style is hard to swallow). Perhaps he does good stand-up (I have never youtubed one of his shows), but really I cannot figure out what he sees in show business. It seems to me that he’s trying to hold on, but he does not have the stomach to make it happen.

    If SNL is like high school, which I have heard it is, our friend Mr Mohr peaked in it. Mindy said it best: “don’t peak in high school” and Mr Mohr’s book reads too much like that’s exactly what he did. His career was left back in the dust in the 90s, and it’s just trying to survive.

    I just noticed I haven’t said much about the book. Well, I guess I enjoyed the parts where he recounted the play-by-play of his interactions with other cast members like Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler and Chris Farley… but that’s because, as I mentioned, I enjoy the occasional celebrity gossip. The rest is Mr Mohr jumping into panic attacks, struggling to survive week by week, drinking too much, missing the Goodbyes just because he wasn’t in the show at all, and how the whole SNL system is messed up. Ms Fey said it best: “Saturday Night Live runs on a combustion engine of ambition and disappointment.” Every week someone will whine and cry because they didn’t make it on the show that week, but everyone has to get up on Monday morning and start all over again. Seems to me like Mr Mohr never learned how to play with others in this zero-sum game, and ended up quite bitter.

    Final thoughts…

    In conclusion, I thoroughly enjoyed every single one of these audiobooks. Some were more uplifting than others, but I was glad I “read” them. I feel like I must tell you about the most significant similarities among these books:

    1. Food: Mindy, Ms Fey and Ms Griffin all talked about their obsession with food. Ms Dratch was the only one who did not discuss food, however she did mention enjoying wine quite a bit. So I have reached the conclusion that in the absence of alcohol, food reigns.
    2. “White obedient girls”: As much as Ms Griffin would like to think she was a rebel, the truth of the matter was that she was a white obedient girl. That’s exactly the words that Ms Fey used to describe herself. Considering that Mindy is Indian, I can’t say she’s white, but she did grow up in the whitest of neighborhoods and went to the whitest colleges, and had the whitest friends… so, perhaps being a white obedient girl applies to her as well. Put Ms Dratch in the mix, too. The conclusion I’m trying to draw here is that these women became incredibly successful in show business based on their smarts and business savvy, and not on sensationalistic accounts of their being difficult, alcoholics, or tabloid candy. Go smart women go!
    3. Supportive parents: all our ladies had incredibly supportive parents. Need I beat that dead horse? Think not.
    4. No real adversity: once you read these accounts, you’ll notice that our leading ladies had pretty normal upbringings. No dreadful tragedies, no running away from home, no abusive parents, no real adversity to overcome. This just makes me think that the happier I can make my home for my child, the more likely he will be to succeed.

    I intentionally left out Mr Mohr’s book from this final thought, because, as I said, this was just a sad recount of his time at SNL… not a real memoir, so I didn’t really get to know him very well.

    And with that, I leave you. Hope you will pick some of these up if you are curious!

    Good night Mindy, sweet dreams! Luv ya!

    ina

  • Unedited Sidebar

    Unedited Sidebar

    Here’s the deal… Last night I was all alone at my mother’s house and decided to have some contact with the outside world by recording a phonecast. Now, I do not believe this 8 minute jewel will be winning me a Pulizter price any time soon, so I did not include it in the regular lineup of podcasts (i.e. You will not see this on iTunes)… But I thought I’d share anyway. Here you go!

    ina

  • While you were sober

    2013-07-15 19.32.53I went out for drinks and some good old Irish pub food tonight, with the purpose to catch up with a good friend. I wasn’t planning on driving, so I indulged in about 4 ounces of a certain potent potable, effects under which I still find myself.

    My arms feel heavy and my legs and face feel numb. Did I mention I only had ONE drink? I had a dirty martini (gin, not vodka) with 3 olives. As my friend talked about how he met his wife (story I had not heard to-date), I started to feel my attention span deteriorate. I found myself joyfully singing along to the song that was currently playing (country station; super awesome), and I sensed myself starting to fade. I changed the topic… often. I brought up card counting, a study which determined that babies after 5yrs old are no longer cute, and maybe some other weird things. My friend seemed to enjoy this other side of me (the drunken-thoughts bizarro ina doesn’t get out much).

    I do have to say that, as someone who doesn’t drink at all, doing this is a bit fun every so often (when the timing works and you’re surrounded by people you trust). Everything seemed more interesting, people seemed better looking, and you do start to feel like everyone likes you a bit more. I do get why people like the feeling of getting drunk. I really do.

    Wow, couple this with a career in blackjack and card counting, and you got yourself a winner!

    This begs a much higher question: if you were Neo in the matrix, would you have taken the blue pill or the red pill? I don’t remember which one’s which, but I do know I’ve always favored the idea of staying in the matrix. I’m sure there are psychologists out there who would analyze this in some way to make me look like I have a reality detachment syndrome of some kind (or at least the potential for developing one), but this is actually a question I ask myself with certain frequency. Or maybe not ask myself as much as use as a check-in with myself to see if I still feel this way. The answer is always yes. Keep me in the matrix. Ignorance is bliss.

    Have you ever heard of addictive personalities? I’ve always thought I got one of those. I do have the feeling that if I tried a drug, I’d get hooked to the detachment from reality. That if I didn’t keep myself in a hard-rule driven universe where I can only drink once every N months, and where I need to make sure I’ve got a ride home, and that I’ll be around people who wouldn’t let me do anything stupid, I would without a doubt fall into the fantasy of it all.

    Perhaps this is why I always try to keep my mind occupied. That’s my escape: moving, podcasting, working, visiting relatives, getting together with friends, etc. But what’s the difference between this escape and other kinds of escape that are more “destructive”? I can only think of one reason to choose one over the other: the effect on those around you. Guess what: you may think your life is worth nothing more than a grain of sand is worth it to the shore, but others around you actually do care about what you do. How many lives have been ruined and how many people have been hurt by a single person’s destructive habits? Too many.

    Think about it this way: next time you walk down a busy street, or take the T somewhere, I want you to look around. Spend 2 seconds (no more, no less) studying each face of those around you. Then ask yourself: do you think the world cares about what this person does with their life? (if the answer is ever “yes” then you’re not cynical enough to be reading this blog, so you might be better served by moving onto YouTubing kitties and fainting goats) Then turn the question around on yourself. Why would you be any different? Now, pretend one of those people had 2 kids with them, and they are being mean, hitting them, verbally abusing them, and/or simply ignoring them. Now pretend those two kids are going to grow up to become the Boston marathon bombing brothers. Wouldn’t you feel like getting off your seat and slapping them across the head and telling them to watch how they are raising their kids? Now turn that around on yourself. What you do matters! It’s a whole ripple effect that you can’t even fathom. Think about it.

    Drink responsibly. People care about what you do.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going home and spend time with my super duper husband.

    ina

  • Washington, DC

    Hi everybody!

    I got to take a little trip to Washington DC with my little dude. He’s 16 months old now, and he’s just an awesome date. I can take him ANYWHERE. He had the best time at Lincoln Memorial walking around, and he came THIS CLOSE to jumping into the reflecting pool.

    greg DSC_2416

    The place was full of tourists who were in town for Obama’s inauguration. We didn’t stay for it, but it was exciting to be at that place at that time.

    A couple of weird things happened on this trip. First of all, I ran into someone from my old job on the flight back to Boston. Second of all, and this has never happend to me EVER before, I got seated next to the SAME PERSON I was sitting next to on the way there. It was the weirdest thing in the world. Especially because I got to know her name on the first flight, so I got to say “Molly?!” when I saw her the second time!

    I did want to give a shout out to this breakfast place my friends took us to. It was AMAZING. Every kind of bagel. Every kind of spread. Fresh squeezed orange juice. YUM. If you are ever on the Virginia side, you should give it a try. You will NOT be disappointed.

    Bagel Cafe
    300 Elden St
    Herndon, VA 20170‎ (map)

    bagelcafe

    I also made sure to get a little business done. I had the chance to interview my friend Angie and her husband for my Valentine’s Day podcast! It’s going to be a GOOD ONE!!! And we even had time for hazelnut gelato!

    gelato

    Anyways, if you haven’t taken a trip out to Washington DC, it is totally worth it.

    ina

  • A GREAT Night at the Museum

    A GREAT Night at the Museum

    I headed out to the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston, to attend a classy event for the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston. It was a beautiful event sponsored by many local organizations, such as Partners Healthcare, TJX, Blue Cross Blue Shield, State Street, Fidelity, Liberty Mutual, Citizen’s Bank, Tufts Health Plan, and supported by The Boston Foundation and United Way.

    [slideshow gallery_id=”1″]

    My friend Ana, who has a pet sitting business (contact me if you need such services in the Boston area!), was kind enough to come with me, and we had a great time!

    During the cocktail hour I had the opportunity to chat with many interesting people. It felt great being out and mingling with such wonderful people. I even got to speak to some of the Big and Little sisters that are part of the program, and they were just lovely. They were so positive, and the littles seemed so grown up! They appear to have as busy schedules as I do! And then… the music started, and we were in the middle of a bona-fide flash mob! Take a look:

    After cocktails, we moved onto the dining hall and had a delicious dinner while we watched a few of the presenters do their thing. The president and chair of Big Sister managed to do a bidding-style fund raiser that accumulated $75,000 ON THE SPOT. It was very impressive! Even *I* got in the spirit and pitched in!

    I must say the highlights of the night where a speech from the heart by Mr. Wayne Ashley, the father of 5 young ladies who all have Big Sisters. His story is one that is not uncommon in the Boston area: widowed father in need of help to raise his bright daughters. I have seen professionals perform poorly in comparison to Mr. Ashley’s heartfelt, moving and, yes, funny account of his family situation.

    A close second was the account of Olympian Kayla Harrison, who shared with us the story of her darkest hours and how she determined to quit judo altogether, only to pick it back up and wind up winning a gold medal at the 2012 London Olympic Games all due to a valuable mentor who listened to her and guided her through the most difficult times of her life.

    At the end of the night I saw our Martha Coakley, Attorney General of the state of Massachusetts, and her husband, Tom, waiting for their parking to get validated. I was going to say hi and keep moving, but Martha made me feel like my salutation was welcome, so I lingered. I was more excited than I care to admit. I was completely star struck, and I am sure I said so many things she has heard many times before. I explained how I just became a US Citizen, and I would have voted for her for sure, and how she met my husband when he was in 8th grade at some school outreach event, and how I was so very excited to meet her. I told her Thank You for everything you do for us.

    I must say I was surprised at her warmth and openness. She kept complete eye contact with me (she has the most beautiful and hypnotizing blue eyes I have ever seen), and she commented on every single thing I threw at her. Congratulations on becoming a citizen, how sometimes Americans take that valuable right (to vote) for granted, what was my husband’s name? She must have been the DA and doing a school function when they met. She loves what she does and that is why she does it (in answer to my thanks).

    She was also gracious enough to take a picture with me. She was so welcoming and warm. I cannot say enough good things about “Martta Cocklee” (as I like to call her in my Spanish accent).

    I also gave her the honor of taking my very last business card, and I told her as much. She said she would cherish it 🙂

    That was my incredible night at the museum. What a great cause, what a great way to spend a few hours on a Saturday night.

    Hope you are all having a great weekend!

    ina

  • Rocking it in Cambridge

    Last Friday I decided to let my hair down and go watch a few local bands play at the Cantab Lounge in Cambridge. I only made it there in time to see Arthur (the band) and, the band I came to see, Bitch Trifecta, in which Robin Melendez was playing (see Episode 10).

    It was a fabulous time, and I even ended up making some new friends! So I put together a couple of fan videos. I thought they turned out ok, although the sound is not the best, but I attribute that to my phone not really being equipped to handle so much rock. I recommend you check out the music at the bands’ individual bandcamp sites, listed below:

    Bitch Trifecta
    Download Music

    Arthur (the band)
    Download Music

    ina

  • Arts Alliance – Broadway Cabaret

    Last weekend I ventured out to Marlborough to see my friend Robin Melendez (see Episode 10) perform her vocal stylings at her latest gig with the Arts Alliance of Hudson, MA. The Arts Alliance is performing their Series called “Ghosts, Spirits and Past Lives” and this Broadway Cabaret was part of it. Check it out here:

    House Upon the Hill

    I heard someone crying

    It was a great time, and we all enjoyed singing along to our favorite Broadway tunes (Secret Garden, Phantom of the Opera and Les Mis, among them). We also got a kick out of the Silent Auction, and Christine Dunne (see Episode 9 and Episode 11) and I walked away with two pieces of local art! Check us out:

    Silent Auction Winners!

    ina

  • My first stand-up

    Tonight I decided to do something a little different. I have been dreaming about performing a comedy stand-up routine for years now, and I always found myself too busy or not ready to do it. This week I decided to bite the bullet and get it over with. As soon as I made the decision I came up with what would probably constitute 15 minutes worth of material. It just came rushing to me.

    And so I headed for the Cantab Lounge in Cambridge and participated in their weekly open mic. It was a wonderful experience and I got to meet a lot of people who were so incredibly open and supportive. I would do this again for sure!

    I felt my performance was actually pretty good for a first-timer, and thought that sharing it might not be such a bad thing. Here it is, for you. Enjoy.

    ina

    Cantab Lounge
    738 Mass Ave, Cambridge, MA
    Open Mic Schedule:
    Wednesdays
    Line begins to form at around 6:30pm
    Doors open at 7:15. Sign in on a first-come, first-serve basis
    Performances begin at 8pm.
    Visit the Poetry Slam Website | Like them on Facebook

  • Confused, yet? GTP is no more.

    Hello readers! (and by readers I mean, hi Mom… eh, who am I kidding, my mom doesn’t read this either)

    I just wanted to update you on what has been going on in the wonderful world of Girls Talk Pod.
    As you may have noticed, Girls Talk Pod is no more. My wonderful sister, Adri, went back to school (as a teacher) and realized that, oops, she really shouldn’t put so much of herself out there. You know how teachers can get fired for having a life outside of work. I completely understand and respect where she’s coming from, this just means that we won’t be doing podcasts together anymore (awww). At least now I know what was taking her so long to approve the first 4 episodes! Anyways, we wish her all the best and we know she’s going to continue to be an awesome teacher, even if we don’t get to hear about it (which I think is a shame — she’s REALLY good).

    Having said that, I still think that our first 4 episodes had some AWESOME gold nuggets that are worth sharing. So, with Adri’s approval, I will post our conversations making sure that her image remains as neutral (or silent) as possible. Basically, I’ll edit out any comments or opinions, and leave in any time she goes “ooh” “aah” or “haha” 🙂 Trust me, you’ll still get a kick of the stories.

    I’ll find some time to edit those soon. In the meantime, I have booked my first guest! Her name is Won Mee, and she works with me. She’s very funny and she’s very excited to join us next week. Stay tuned for that!

    Have a great Monday, everyone!

    ina

  • How to decline a job you have not been offered

    Ever wonder what the best way is to withdraw your job application, even after you have already sent out thank you notes and reinforced your interest for the position? Yeah, me too.

    While we wait for divine inspiration to come up with the BEST way, this will hold you over for now.

    Email to hiring manager to withdraw application AFTER onsite interview

    Hello {hiring manager},
    After much dicussion and mulling over the position at {company name} over the weekend, I have decided to no longer pursue the {position title} position.
    It was really great meeting you and the team, and our interview was a very important step to come to this decision, which, I am confident, is the right decision for the both of us. I send you my deepest gratitude for your time and kindness through the process.
    Best of luck finding a great candidate. I have no doubt you will find exactly what you are looking for.
    Thanks again,
    {you}

    Email to recruiter to withdraw application BEFORE onsite interview

    Hi {recruiter name},
    We have an onsite interview set up for tomorrow afternoon. Unfortunately I have decided to no longer pursue the {position title} position at {company name}.
    I’d like to send you my regrets for any inconvenience this may have caused. I do wish you all the best on your search for a great candidate for this position.
    Thank you very much for all of your time and kindness. It was a pleasure meeting you.
    Have a great week,
    {you}

    If you are a manager or a recruiter, I’d love to hear from you about how you think these would have been taken on the other side. Are they good enough?

    ina

  • On Passion

    On Passion

    I’m on the train commuting to work. My purse was way too full to fit my netbook in this morning, so I decided I would just do some phoning. I turned on Monday’s episode of WTF with Marc Maron and stared at my screen for something to do on my phone. Blank. Nothing to do? Unacceptable. Time to do some blogging. I turn off Marc and get to it.

    The first line I wrote on this post was the Title “On Passion, ” and immediately regretted it. Who am I to speak in general terms about something so irigumbulous that it actually makes the world go round? (yes, I just made up a word). Passion is what makes smart people come up with smart stuff (you won’t find this definition on Merriam-Webster, so feel free to use me as the bibliographical source). A smart person’s passion is what makes them believe that something can be done while everybody else is saying “you’re crazy, it’s hopeless” or “it’s impossible” or “it’s been tried, and they all failed.” I guess I have always thought I’d be that kind of person: the idealistic kind that would throw it all away for her dreams. The problem is that common sense is getting in the way, and it’s making me reconsider the whole thing.

    Enough with the abstract speak. This is what I’m talking about: I fell in love with programming when I was in high school and that is all I have wanted to do since then. The problem is that I am simply not as good as other people who have had fifteen years of sitting at a desk and cranking out code. Instead, I have gathered years and years of leadership skills. Now I am 31 and my career choices are starting to narrow.

    It’s not like when I was 20 and I could do and be anything. Back then I was a tabula rasa. My mind was play dough: raw moldable potential. By now, my mind has taken the shape of a get-things-done leader. Try taking that sculpture that has been in the making for 10 years and ask the sculptor to now mold it into a programmer. Here’s the thing: clay doesn’t stay moldable forever. It dries out. For the sculptor to now turn it into something completely different, he’ll have to build on top of what was originally there. It will look off. It will have 3 arms and two brains (one inevitably bigger than the other). It will not look as perfect as someone who started out on the right path. It’s bulky, and it might not fit the requirements of the company who ordered its making. It’s garbage. If I were the requestor, I would ask myself: why deal with the bulk? Why not just get a much cheaper sculpture that is right out of college and ready to be molded?

    I went back to metaphors, didn’t I? I guess what I’m trying to get at is that, regardless of what I choose to do with my career, I need to know that the past decade was not for naught, but I am having a very difficult time reconciling my love for writing code and my natural skills as a leader. As we speak I have 2 interviews for software engineering positions lined up, and I’m waiting for an interview to be set up for a management position in my current company. Two completely distinct paths. Not qualified vs Perfectly qualified. Unknown territory (and potentially halting) career path vs career in full bloom. Dream vs Reality.

    There is no right answer here. I could decide to go full throttle for either path and I will be FINE. I will succeed. I will be happy with my choice (or at least at a delusional level until the internal conflict comes back because of a crappy manager or crappy assignment). There are no losers here.

    On a side, but related, note, my friend Sarah sent me a link to an article that touches just on this point of passion. The main point is that passion is not something you “follow” but “cultivate” instead. It’s something that will happen if you manage to stick it out during bad times and continue to grow professionally. If you want to love your job, you’ll have to put in the work now on jobs you might not love.

    So what do *I* have to say about passion? Here it is: if you are lucky enough to have made a career out of the thing you love most, then I got nothing for you. In fact, you most likely have some advice for me instead. But if you are like me, and your passion lies outside of your job, I would say to not let society define how you fulfill that part of your life. It doesn’t HAVE TO BE through your JOB (a lot of us simply cannot afford to anyway) . You can still spend a lot of time into your passion on the side. A lot of very successful people started out focusing on their passions part time and moved on to full time later in life. Some people actually manage to have both: a lucrative career they are great at and draw satisfaction from and a passion they spend time with on the side. To put it in perspective, remember that the vast majority of people never go after their dreams at all because they are too busy making life happen: Jobs, spouses, kids, houses. We spend time on those because they are important to us. Just remember that nobody is going to come to you saying “you have worked so hard for your family and it’s time for you to do what you really love now” and then hand you your dreams on a silver platter. I know we all secretly think we are going to be saved. Not gonna happen. Pick a path and save yourself.

    But who’s going to save *me*? (back to whining)

    The perpetual damsel in distress,

    ina

  • Microphone

    Here’s a picture of our beautiful Snowball Microphone 🙂

    Snowball USB Microphone