This dream seemed so real.
I was in some kind of community (parents? boy scouts?) and we were all going through our own relatinoship struggles.
There was one couple where a woman was super clumsy, and the guy wasn’t very thoughtful.
I know there were more.
I feel like Steve and I were watching them like it was a show, but I feel like I was part of it.
After a lot of things happened, that girl with the not thoughtful boyfriend fell into the lake (from a branch of a tree where she was with her boyfriend), and a fairy pulled her out.
Many fairies came out, each one with a power to help someone.
The woman in the bad relationship went to her boyfriend (At their home I think) and asked him to make her dinner as a test.
He baked her a really quick biscuit and gave it to her.
She said why didn’t he think to give her more, like orange juice or avocado.
He said they didn’t have any.
She left him.
Then she went to this guy who was super nice to her, he was on a wheel chair.
And he would be the kind of guy that couldn’t just go to the grocery store to buy these things, but he said if she bought the oranges he could go online to buy a juicer.
At that point I “paused the show” and turned to Steve and told him, with tears in my eyes, that it’s not the DOING the thing that matters… she just WANTS him to WANT to be thoughtful towards her.
Steve just nodded.
Hit PLAY again.
The woman ended up asking the wheelchair guy out.
Like this story there were a couple more. Of men and women whose lives were made better by these fairies.
They looked at life differently.
They were going to live for themselves now.
I quit my job on Tuesday. I decided to take a year off and stay home with my growing new baby. I have projects I want to get done, a house to streamline, children to nurture, and 2 LLCs to run and grow. Life is about to get interesting.
Here’s the post-mortem on the decision process:
The background:
On my last performance evaluation conversation with my boss I expressed my ambition to lead a team. We had a plan to turn a certain area of our team into its own department. I would come back from maternity leave and train an army of project managers, and I’d be their director.
I said to my mother: “My commute is terrible; I should just quit and find a part-time job close to home. But if I get director, that would be reason enough for me to stay.”
By the time I left, the plan had changed. The area we were considering was now just a role, not a department. It would report to a middle manager, not to C-suite. The contractor I hired to do my job during leave would no longer eventually become my employee, but we’d find something else for them to do when I got back.
8 weeks into my leave, I got a call from the middle manager telling me that my area was now off the table, and asked me if I wouldn’t mind fixing the Release Management process (which I had already done my first 6 months with one of the engineering teams). This is a job I could do with one hand tied behind my back. I said yes, fine, whatever. I expressed that if this was the biggest problem the company needed to solve, then yes, I could do it.
My reaction to this:
This took the air out of me. My ambitions were shattered and now I was basically starting over from square 1. No leadership prospects, just doing the same thing over and over again (plus the long commute). But hey, the business must do what the business must do. It has nothing to do with me, it just happened to not work out for me.
This new lack of interest was the KEY to my decision. Once my job was not important, other priorities took its place. There’s only so many times I can write the sentence “Streamlined SDLC process” on my resume.
While on leave I decided to just forget about my job for a while and treat it as if I was coming to a new company, in a new unknown role, and see how it goes.
And then, the baby came:
By the time the baby came, I had completely deprioritized work in my mind. I would focus my maternity leave on my house and my family.
Once the baby was priority #1, my non-descript non-ambition-fulfilling job was not critical enough to keep my interest over this human being.
The thought process:
Now that my job wasn’t so important, I was going to try to spend as much time at home as possible.
On the first Monday back, I spoke with the middle manager and asked them if I could turn my job into part-time, or work from home, or both. To my surprise, they said YES to both.
I thought about it all week. I found out more about my new job so I could learn what the expectations were and how to do it right. Still, my mind kept going back to things I needed to get done at home. My job was a clear priority #2.
If my job is priority #2, and that’s what I’m doing 90% of my time, I’m setting myself up for a pretty crappy time during my son’s early years (which I will never get back)
The decision:
About a month before coming back, my husband had suggested I took a year off. I did not believe this was financially possible, and I felt it was an attack at my career just for being a woman.
After the first week back, I took a dive into our finances. It would be tight, and we would be eating from our savings for a while… but it WAS possible. Now, could my ego take the hit?
Truth was that I COULD take a year off, and go back to EXACTLY THE SAME JOB I was being offered at my company ANYWHERE else (even closer to home). There was absolutely no downside to my career to take a year off.
Decision made.
What I learned that I didn’t know before:
I wouldn’t have made this decision if the next step for my career was around the corner. I would have come back as a manager, proud and happy to be working again and doing something that I have worked very hard for. I wanted to work MORE, to have MORE responsibility, not less.
I do believe that the lack of an HR department in my company meant that I was prey to people’s biases about women, maternity leave, and how likely I would be to not come back to work at all. “She might not come back, so don’t bank on her,” which has the effect of “Don’t bank on her, and she won’t want to come back.” It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, women leave the workplace because they CHOOSE to take care of family. But if the industry actually was set up to elevate talent and take professional development of women seriously, they would have made sure to keep my attention. I spoke with my former boss and he said if he had known, he would have given me a larger role coming back. Having lived through this and being there in conversations with him last year, I KNOW that wouldn’t have entered anybody’s mind. Hindsight is 20/20.
I learned a lot through this. I actually got to live through what that “choice” actually entails. Companies CAN do more, but they have to actually take women’s professional development seriously if they are to keep them around. Women are strong, smart and do have options out there. We are not just grateful for having a job. Those days are long gone.
I have made the decision to prolong maternity leave for a few more months, but in reality it is my hope that I will not have to go back. I plan on resigning when I am back to work on Tuesday.
It is my goal to I plan my time such that I can continue to live a purposeful and profitable life outside of corporate America. Time spwnt on baby things will slowly start to diminish as other tasks can take more of my time and focus.
I am scared of becoming unemployable.
I am scared of not utilizing my time as efficiently as it is posible while taking care of 2 children.
I am scared of “giving up.”
I am scared that I might end up not making more money, and I will also not want to go back to work (bad combination).
I started out the day convinced that I knew what I wanted to do. I would take advantage of my boss’s offer and work part-time from home. And then…
Spoke to a dear friend, a family member and a complete stranger, and they all had the same advice: if you have the opportunity to take a break from work to pursue your dream career, take it.
That certainly puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
I have been asked to draft a Pros and Cons list of quitting for a year. Here is my attempt at putting everything on the table.
Pros
I get the opportunity to work on my business ideas. Self-fulfillment!
I get to raise my kid
I get time at home to tackle long-ignored house projects (perfectly organized basement anyone?)
Potential to make more money by focusing on my business ideas, and perhaps not have to go back to work at all
Full schedule flexibility
Cons
Think it was hard to go back after 4 months? It will be 3x harder to go back after 12.
I lose out on the stock options at my job
No income means watching our expenses and being frugal
Feeling like I gave up and I’m taking the “easy” way out. Feeling lazy. Like a failure.
I have been back at work for 3 days. Last two from home. My boss has told me they are open to me working from home and also part-time. Sounds like a good deal.
The problems: my brain is mush. I am having trouble concentrating and mustering the stamina to even ask the right questions. Also, nothing at my job seems remotely important in comparison to taking care of my family. And to top it all off, my family (particularly on my husband’s side, including the husband himself) wants me to stop working for a year, and “try again” later. Sounds like a mighty sexy idea right about now.
I called up my new therapist and asked to move up our appointment to tomorrow. To my surprise, we could make it work, so I’ll get to hash some things out there.
If I quit, I’m sure I could find a job later, but most likely it would not be part-time from home, and most lilely it will only be peripherally related to my field. Quitting also means less income, so which puts our international ttavel plans at risk in 2018.
Staying means giving it some time to become acclimated to the role, the new people, the job situation and takw full advantage of a part-time work from home arrangement at a place where I have several thousand shares in options to wait for.
Everything points to sticking it out.
But life is so short. And my baby won’t be this young forever.
I don’t have a clear opinion about going back to work yet, only a stream of consciousness:
I am having a hard time concentrating. I am sleep deprived and my usual 120% is nowhere to be found.
I will try to perform this job to the best of my ability, even if it is 5mph, but I must reassess later if my best is good enough.
I am having a hard time mustering excitement or interest in the subject matter, especially considering that my top priority is still my new child. Nothing seems to compare in terms of importance and time and effort worthiness.
Husband says I should stay home for a year. I do not want to make a rushed decision without giving the job a chance. This means approximately a month, but a bare minimum of 2 weeks of truly getting my bearings.
It is 2:35 am. I fell asleep on the couch and now I’m up pumping. Today is officially my last day of leave.
Yesterday was a great day. Baby G, the committed picky eater, agreed to eat mac & cheese for the first time ever. I was so proud of him. Husband took him to Friendly’s for dinner as a reward. It was unbelievable. There is hope yet.
For my last day I hope for the same kind of day: pleasant, playful, hopeful, and being prepared for the rollercoaster that will be Monday.
I have to keep reminding myself that it’s not like I have a one way ticket to hell. There is definitely a return any time I want.
Priorities on my last day:
Keep the house tidy, and stay up-to-date with the laundry
Prepare the necessary bags to make sure I won’t forget anything for myself or Baby J’s first day of daycare
Put out trash and recycling
Slowly, in an orderly fashion, continue clearing the 1st floor closet off christmas toys so we can continue emptying out the whale-like bins we have in the hallway.
I went to my last therapy session with Melissa yesterday. I spent the whole session stating the work/mom arrangement I want, then contradicting myself the next minute. She was finally able to piece it together very bluntly for me:
I am scared that not working for a while will stiffle my career.
I have an achievable dream that I should not give up on
I will most likely not have the energy for my dream until Baby J (currently 4mos old) is 3 years old.
It would be a GOOD THING to go back to my current job and see if part-time telecommuting opportunities exist.
I guess I should just go with the flow for 2 weeks and then see how it goes. I am in no shape to make a decision on this.
It says you can figure out your life purpose by answering these questions:
Who am I?
What do I do? (Something you love doing that you feel extremely qualified to teach others)
Who do I do it for?
What do they need or want?
How do they change as a result of my contribution?
The speaker had the audience answer these questions on the fly, but I had a hard time answering even #2. I LOVE learning new things (my MCAT book is buried in a box somewhere in my basement), but I am extremely qualified to teach People-centric project management techniques. Do I love PM? Yes, I do. But somehow it feels unsatisfying to admit that to myself because it is not something that serves ME. It’s something I do foe other people. The speaker said that’s exactly the point of happiness: having an external locus of satisfaction.
I uninstalled Candy Crush and installed Duolingo instead. I am excited by the prospect of leaening French in mini spurts.
I am ready to start the year. Actually, my year will start on January 3rd, after I get back from out of state. Everything I do, every action I take will be important and have some purpose. Let’s do this.
ina
PS: I am uninstalling Candy Crush as soon as I post this. 🤘
I want to prove something. I want to shape my life around my needs, rather than push my needs aside because my life structure dictates so.
By the end of 2018 I would like to:
Work smarter, not harder
Feel like I am definitely an important positive part of my children’s life experience
Feel like myself again, physically
Keep my marriage at the top of the priority list
Keep a healthy perspective on the dramas in life
Be part of a local entrepreneurial community
It’s day 1. Blank slate. Time to start.
ina
Today…
In the news: Donald Trump tweets about Global Warming being fake because it’s cold outside in the winter time. Stupid.
Celebritues we are all talking about: Prince Harry & Meghan Markle (latter is divorced!), and Kevin Spacey (movie All the Money in the World reshot his scenes with Christopher Plummer. Wow.
My personal drama: relatives saying not-so-nice things about gay people, and me standing up to them even in front of guests. Oy. Also, sister mad because I think it’s stupid to get emotional at midnight on Jan 1st.
Greg, now 5 years old, had a seizure last Friday. I’m writing this down as detailed as my memory will allow me so that I can refer to it in the future.
The Night Before
I was working late the night before (code release). I was in my room. I could hear Greg and Steve playing as Steve tried to get Greg upstairs to go to sleep. It was so late. Why can’t he ever put him down at his actual bed time? Greg came to my room a few times during the release (which ended at 9:45pm). So I know he went to bed at 9:30 at the latest. Greg was in good spirits and came to my room to say good night. What a sweet baby boy.
That Morning
The next day, Greg came to my room to cuddle with me as soon as he woke up, as usual. He seemed a bit warm, but it didn’t even occur to me to check his temperature (missed clue #1). Greg came downstairs with me. He went to the bathroom and I gave him some breakfast. He said he didn’t want breakfast; his tummy was too full. This is strange for him, but Cheerios and milk have been known to give him tummy aches, so I figured his baby body was now coming around to rejecting it (missed clue #2). I told him I was sorry, and that’s all there was to eat. “I don’t want to eat it” and I said “You don’t have to… but the cheerios ARE getting soggy.”
I have been trying to get some work done before I leave for work in an effort to shorten my commute (leave late, run into less traffic). This was only the second day I managed to do it. So, after leaving him to his food, I went to the kitchen table and kept working.
He came to the kitchen holding the bowl saying “I just had a little bit, not all of it.” I told him I was proud of him for trying and took care of his plate. Then I got him dressed, and left him playing with his Legos in the living room. I went back to the kitchen to work.
After a few minutes, I heard silence. I thought that was weird, but decided not to investigate. 15 or so min later, I shut down the computer and went to get him to go to school: he had fallen back asleep on the couch. I thought this was also strange (missed clue #3), but since I had only started doing this “work before you go” routine, I really had nothing to compare today to. It was perfectly possible that he would be doing this every day that we leave late: get comfy on the couch and sleep a bit more.
I put his shoes on as he slept in order to wake him up gently. He asked if he could bring his favorite blanket and keep sleeping in the car. “Of course you can, baby. Let’s go to school.”
We didn’t listen to any music on the way to school, and he dropped his tablet to the side pretty quickly after we got in the car (missed clue #4). He normally plays his game until at least 10 min before we get to school. This time he wasn’t interested, and he also didn’t ask for music. I had a lot on my mind, so I welcomed the quiet time to put my thoughts together.
When we got to school, he was his happy energetic self. He said hi to all his friends and he helped me put his lunch in the fridge. I gave him a big hug and a big kiss, and went off on my merry way.
The Call
I was at work, doing nothing particularly exciting, when I got a call from an unknown number. I have been getting a lot of those “You’ve won a Caribbean vacation” calls, and I like to pick them up so I can add the number to my “DON’T PICK UP” address book entry. I picked up the phone. Greg’s teacher is on the other end. She said Greg is fine, however he had thrown up all over his clothes and his shoes. Since he didn’t have a lot of clothes at school, she had to let him borrow another boy’s shoes and shorts. My mind immediately went to the stupid Cheerios: his baby body was REALLY rejecting them this time, but I bet he’s fine now that he’s thrown it up (missed clue #5). The teacher said that the vomit was mostly water but there was a lot of it.
She asked whether I would like to pick him up at the park (where everyone was about to go) or at school. I asked her if he could just go to the park and finish the day, I was sure he was OK. She said the policy was that if a child is sick, the parent must pick them up. I looked at the time: 10:52am. I looked at my screen: not doing anything I couldn’t stop doing right then and there. So there was the question: let him go to the park, or not?
Since I knew he was FINE, I expected that if he went to the park with his friends he would perk up and play, making it harder for me to peel him off the fun to go home, not to mention what a waste of my time it would have felt: if he’s FINE, then WHY am I picking him up??? What am I going to do? Work from home the rest of the day? What is HE going to do? Should I drop him off at my mother-in-law’s? You know, it’s best if he doesn’t go to the park. So I told her just that.
I told my coworker what had happened, and he said “Oh, Ina, kids throw up. What’s the big deal?” and I played the opposite argument just to be contrary “Kids don’t just throw up! Do YOU just throw up? Is that something you do???” He laughed and insisted in his point.
I walked to my car thinking what a waste it was to even come in today. What a waste of a commute.
Drove to the school and parked outside at a meter. Normally I would park in their lot in the back of the school, but this was going to be so quick, that I didn’t mind just parking it out front. I left my work computer bag in the front seat, my sun-roof open, and put a quarter in the meter for a whooping 15 minutes, of which I would only need 5, I was sure.
I walked towards the school while playing Candy Crush. I was so distracted I walked right by it…. came back and punched in the code.
Identifying the Seizure
I walked into the school to find it desolate. All the kids and teachers had gone to the park on such a nice day. Only the poor newbie aid (not Greg’s regular teacher) had stayed behind to wait for me.
I introduced myself, and she said she knew me. She made me nervous. She seemed nice, but I had never seen her wearing the school shirt. Who is she anyway? Does she work here? (yes, she did).
I asked where he was. She said he told her that he went to bed late last night, and he was tired. So she took out her nappy stuff and put him down to rest.
I walked into his classroom and found him lying on his side on the nappy mat with his blanket on. He was staring right out into the distance, and his hand was near his mouth. He has the habit of picking his upper lip with his fingers.
I said “hi baby!” and he didn’t respond. I didn’t think much of it. Sometimes I walk into the school and say hi, and he says “hi mami” without even looking at me.
I got closer and closer and gave him a kiss and kept saying hi. He was still not answering me and not looking at me.
The teacher was talking the whole time, but I can’t remember what she was saying. Maybe telling me again that he said he was tired, maybe calling his name. I do remember her saying “Gregory, respond, you are scaring me.”
I pulled up his upper body to sit him up. He was staring into space. I asked him what he was looking at, but I had already started to get scared.
I pulled him up on his feet. I remember his knees being bent, as he stood up. I held his hand and pulled him across the room to where he was staring out. By the time we reached the door, I realized he wasn’t looking at anything at all, and this must be a seizure. He had had one before, but I wasn’t there for it. It had been described to me as exactly THIS.
I immediately tried to pick him up and told the teacher I would be taking him to the hospital now. However, as I picked him up it was like dead weight. I had no idea how I was going to manage to put him in the car seat. Never mind that he might be really sick and I could get stuck in traffic while taking him in. Never mind I had no idea how to get to the hospital from where I was. None of those things crossed my mind. The thought was simple: I can’t get him in the car. I have to call 911.
The 911 call
I got my phone out of my back pocket (fortunately I had not left it in the car like I usually would when I pick him up the normal way). I dialed 911.
I sat him down on a kiddy chair and looked at his face. His eyes were looking up at the ceiling.
I have always thought I would be clear and concise when calling 911. People tend to ramble unnecessary information. I’ve always thought I would listen for questions and answer them as succinctly, quickly and clearly as possible. So I did just that.
{I requested the 911 recording, but have not received it yet, this is just from memory, which is faulty}
911: Where is your emergency?”
ina: 9999 Street name. I have a 5-year old who is having a seizure.
911: …
They had me repeat the address a couple of times. They asked me for my name and phone number. They repeated what I said about the 5 year old. They asked me a few more questions. At the same time, the teacher kept talking to me with things to say (doing that rambling stuff I said I didn’t want to do). At one point I could not hear 911 over the teacher and I had to stop and ask her to be quiet, then got back to 911 and asked them to repeat the question.
Sometime early in the call his body started to shake and jerk. I was holding his right arm with my left hand, while I held the phone with my right. The teacher was holding his left arm in place.
911 asked me repeatedly NOT to hold him down. “He’s on a chair! I have to hold him up so he won’t fall down.” So they asked me to put him on the ground. “In what position?” I asked. Face down. I tried doing that, but told them that he might choke on his own drool. They said to put him on his side. I tried, but I could hear gargling noises. It didn’t feel right, so I picked him up and put him face down on my lap in fetal position, such that the head would be facing down.
Greg started coughing and then throwing up green goo. This felt like went on for a long time. I could see his eyes rolling up in their sockets. I put my phone down on the floor next to me with speakerphone on.
I could hear the ambulance sirens. The teacher said she would go let them in. Good thing she had the presence of mind to do that. I had not thought about how they would get into the school. I was just holding Greg and talking to 911.
The EMT and ambulance
The EMTs arrived and immediately took him off my lap and put him face up, reclined at an angle. The shaking stopped shortly after and he started shivering.
The EMTs put an oxygen mask on him and started an IV of fluids. They asked me a few questions, but I don’t remember what they were. After just a little bit (time unknown) I called my husband to tell him what happened, and to stand by for hospital name.
The EMTs asked me where to go. I said Children’s Hospital, and the decision was made. I sent a text to my husband to meet us in the ER.
I was asked to pick up Greg and put him in the stretcher. Although he wasn’t responsive, he was definitely awake and disoriented. Kept pulling all the wires off of him and did not like it when we tried to strap him to the stretcher. I kept talking to him saying mommy loves him and it’s going to be OK. There was no sign of him noticing this.
We got on the ambulance and I started singing songs to him. There was no response. His eyes opened up wide and he started pulling at all the wires. He even managed to remove his IV from his arm. We held him down as best we could.
When we got to the hospital, I took a video of it. I wanted to show it to him later. The driver saw me and asked if I was the mom, and I explained I was recording the video for him. He asked me if I wanted him to turn on the ambulance lights. I was so thankful for such a thoughtful request. This is how that turned out:
My husband was waiting at the ambulance bay doors. He looked like he had been crying.
The ER
We were taken to an exam room and Greg was put on the bed. His face was tired. He was wide awake, but unable to speak.
We saw a doctor (and her same-named first-year medical student) almost right away. The doctor tried to ask him questions and run tests. I do not remember everything, but I do remember him not even looking at me when the doctor asked him who his mommy was and to point to her. I kept hugging him and putting my face really close to his. His response was to caress my arms and my face very gently, as he always does. Almost instinctively or reflexively. Without speaking, he seemed to remember his sweet loving nature.
We tried talking and singing, but he would not respond to us. He could look at us now, but no words came out.
The doctor must have explain what “post-ictal” state is, and expressed that this kind of length of time without speaking was not a usual symptom of a classif febrile seizure, and she would need the neurologist to come and evaluate him. This is the point where Steve and I almost lost it. He left the room and the doctor asked him if he was ok, he answered he was light headed, and I started to feel it too. Having has syncopes as a teenager, I knew what to do: I lied down on the filthy hospital emergency room floor and put my feet up. I remember Steve pointing at me and telling Greg “look how silly mommy is being!” and Greg looked at me. I smiled at him, but he didn’t smile back. That was the moment when Steve and I both realized Greg could be left with permanently damage, and it was too much to take.
Speech
It took Greg approximately 2 hours to recover his speech. At first he would only grunt/hum if he was asked a question, or he would press his lips together and blow through them (like a raspberry). He never cried. He simply could not talk.
Eventually he started saying “mamamamamamamamama.” It almost felt like he was learning to talk all over again, like a baby. I was right there with him and would just reply “baby baby baby…”
I have listened to enough podcasts about the brain to understand that songs and speech belong in different areas of the brain, so I started singing to him. At one point I sang to him and he responded:
I was OVER THE MOON. He was speaking words! He wasn’t smiling or having fun, and he didn’t do it again even when I asked him to do it for daddy. But it was there! Then, when they put the IV in, he said “Ow Ow Ow!” which is what he normally says when something hurts. We had speech!
Slowly his words started coming back. Once he was able to ask me why we were here, I knew we were out of the woods. All I could think about in those moments was all those times I thought I had a perfect child, and how easily that could change.
By the time the neurologist saw him, he was already speaking. The neurologist believed the description of the seizure did not match with classic febrile seizure, and we needed an outpatient EEG to rule out epilepsy.
The Tests
Our doctor ordered the first set of tests: a CT scan of the head. They wanted to make sure there was no mass or bleeding. All clear.
Blood tests only revealed a slight increase in white blood cells, indicating there may be an infection somewhere. Now it was time to find the cause.
The doctor felt his stomach and thought she felt the liver being enlarged. Our handy family member pediatric nurse let the doctor know that he suffers from chronic constipation and it was possible that it was just poop pushing on the liver. The doctor felt it once more, and Greg said it hurt. Next test: x-ray to find out why the tummy was tender. All clear. Just poop mass. Liver was fine.
After the tests, Greg fell asleep. During his sleep, his oxygen levels dropped to 77 (other nurses saw it go down to 88, 84 and 82). The doctor wanted to admit him in case he could have a seizure in his sleep. We were put on a list to go up to a room.
The doctor now thought that perhaps he could have pneumonia. It would explain the shortness of breath. Greg had xrays on his chest. All clear.
In the meantime, Greg spent time with his favorite people: mommy, daddy, nana, appa and auntie momo. We showed him videos, made a puzzle and he even got a DVD player from the ER to watch a Spider-Man movie.
The doctor thought of one more thing: intussusception. It’s a condition in which your intestine telescopes into itself, which is known to cause seizures. Greg was sent for an ultrasound. All clear.
They also tested Greg’s urine, but nothing came of it either.
By the time we got out of the ultrasound, it was 9:30pm. We finally made it to a room and were ready for bed by 11pm. Everyone went home but I stayed in a cot next to Greg.
The Emotional Turmoil
Both Steve and I had a moment of unrelated drama which set us off. Some time the next morning I went to the first floor to get a security badge. When I came back to the floor, I found that the door had a sign saying to try another door. But no other door seemed to go my way that would accept my badge. So I stood in front of the door staring at it and I started to bawl. Some guy found me there and helped me find someone who would let me back into the unit. I was crying inconsolably. I felt so fragile.
For Steve it was after we had been discharged and I told him I’d get him McDonalds. I had misunderstood him over the phone and didn’t get him a Coke. That was the last straw for him.
The Next Day
We met our doctors as soon as we got to the floor. Dr Zhu was very nice, as was Dr Raju (the one that took over for Dr Zhu in the morning). They explained everything to us step by step and did not make us feel stupid for asking the questions we were asking.
We asked why they didn’t do a lumbar puncture or a blood culture to rule out meningitis or a blood disorder. Answer: none of the tests indicate that Greg is actually sick, plus the fact that he has regained his old personality and is in good spirits indicates to them that there isn’t an underlying condition. What he had was probably caused by a virus. We should keep an eye on him until the virus goes away.
We were comfortable with the answers and took him home to recover.
The Day after Next
The day after the discharge Greg was still not keeping water or food down. We called his PCP and they recommended he go back to the ER if he hasn’t been able to keep food/drink down by 6pm.
Here’s Sunday’s log:
4:30am drink water, bloody nose (right side)
8 am drink water (multiple times)
8 am pipi
8:30 temp 99.5
8:30am throw up
9am tiny bite of toast, drink water
9:45 am throw up
Refuses to eat
Good spirits. Playing with dinosaurs.
10am temp 98
11am temp 98
11am eat pretzels
11:20 no throw up! Temp 98. Ritz crackers. Tiny bites.
11:40 stomach does not feel hard
12 had some pretzel bites
1pm down for a nap
3:30 awake from nap
4 lunch: sweet pot, chicken, bread
By 6pm, he was back to his old self. I showered him and noticed his arms were all skin and bones. I weighed him and he appeared to have lost 2 pounds (5% of his weight).
I decided to keep him home on Monday with me to keep watching him.
I don’t know. I don’t want to be here right now. Maybe it’s the fact he wouldn’t help me carry the waters. Maybe it’s the fact that mami wants to use uber for someone else and I don’t have the answer. Maybe it’s the fact that my computer keeps crapping out and I don’t have any good options and I feel helpless because I don’t know what I’m looking at when you try to build a computer. Maybe it’s the fact that we keep getting called into the Principal’s office with John. Maybe it’s the fact that the culture in this company is getting militarized. Maybe it’s the fact that Gregory’s ears were hurting him. Maybe it’s that stupid article saying that I can’t have it all. Maybe it’s the fact that Steve was in a good mood and wanted to talk to me for the first time ever and I couldn’t do it.
I should feel happy that I caught up on all the nutshell work. I should be happy that PIF is going so well and helping the business folks. I should be happy that I have mostly kept my weight in check. I should be happy that Gregory is such a good boy and loves everything so much. I should be happy that Daniel is coming next week and spending time with us. I should be happy.
I wish I could go to the bathroom.
I wish food made everything better.
I wish I weren’t so damn sensitive to everything.
I’m not really mad or anything… I’m just not hyper happy. Mostly I’m mad about the water thing.
Ok. Now I’m just hungry.
I don’t know how much longer that is going to last…
What should I do when I get back to my desk? Reports time? 1.8 beefing?
Maybe I could listen to his talk and still charge it back? I don’t know. Let’s look at the Communications tab.
STOP EATING. FIND A DIFFERENT OBSESSION.
I want to go home, get under a blanket, get a big TV in our bedroom, and watch politics all night.
I’m at a cafe on a Saturday night. Husband insisted I left the house and created a plan. He says that I get depressed when I don’t have a plan, and it’s good for nobody. So here I am. Trying to come up with a plan.
The problem is that I feel like I was here last year. I created a plan. I did not follow through with it, so I felt like I come up with plans but the just drop them. It’s very discouraging for my Type A self when my Type B self wins out.
The problem is that I need inspiration. It usually comes pouring out of me when I come up with an idea or I listen to an audio book, or watch an inspirational movie. It usually comes from the outside. There are times I have listend to someone speak, and I can’t handle how much it is inspiring me to just get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING.
My problem is not having role models or a community with which to make these plans. If I am a podcaster, I really need podcaster friends. If I want to own my town in terms of small business websites, I need to get out there and meet people. I don’t have time to meet people.
Sigh.
Anyways. What do I want to do this year? I have a few goals that are at the top of the list.
I’m scared. I’m dead afraid of ending up not having anything to show for it. I need to have a way to track my accomplishments and reward myself for them. I would love for my projects to make money. That would be nice.
How can I do that? A Trello board won’t do. It’s not visible enough. I’ve played with the idea of having a spot on the third floor where I can have a whiteboard and corkboard to hang things from that encourage and inspire me. But I never go up there.
Suppose I do that, and I have a great accomplishment for each month that passes by. Am I going to end up feeling the way I feel right now? Like a whole year passed, and things happened, and I’m in the same spot as I was before? What do I want? What do I need? I want something to change. I need something to be different at the end of the year. Is it a higher income? Is that what I’m after? Because if that’s the case, all I have to do is wait for my year end bonus. It’s not a goal.
Maybe we can have one goal, and the rest is gravy. One focused goal. Just one:
Create an additional source of income
Is that it? There are several ways to do this. Everything else will be gravy. I’ll be doing it for fun or as a hobbie.
There are different ways to do this. Capitalize on the upcoming election to have an elections-focused podcast? Get into the political scene in my town? Interview those people? I don’t know.
I have ideas for 2 more podcasts, but editing them takes so much time. I really don’t think I should devote the time to podcasts until I have finished the restaurant website. Maybe I should block out Saturday afternoons to just work on the Samba site. Or maybe I should realize there isn’t that much to do and buckle down and do it at 8pm when the baby goes down.
Anyways, none of this is a new source of income.
Selling things online?…. Providing a service online?…. MAKING AN APP!!! I almost forgot about that!
I also have a skill for making little movies… I wonder if I could get into the wedding market. It would probably be comparable to a website, though. How much are wedding videos? (quick search revealed they are between $2K and $5K. That includes camarographer fees, though. I don’t know if it’s worth it. I can make that kind of money sticking to what I already know, and get support $ afterwards.
OK. Let’s reserve some time to finish the restaurant site, and then we’ll move onto making the app. I have 2 ideas for apps. One which would help me ramp up with the technology, and another one which would help me with my goals.
I’m getting cold and tired.
I’m also going to need help capitalizing on my skills and talents. Need to figure out what those are and see what I can do to put them out there. Seems like making websites is a no-brainer. Maybe I should put out mailers and see if I can get new clients, and just keep that going.
I’d also like to do something new. Podcast and Website has been done before. App will be new. What else would be new? What about those places where you go bounce on trampolines to work out? I don’t know. We already have a treadmill and I hate working out.
Always look for an unquestioned habit. What is something that I already do and like doing, but don’t think about the monetization part of it? Well, I have spoken about my home birth experience and people seem to like it. I have thought about writing an article about it, but I’m not really “all in.” I’d love to write a book, but again, it’s not something I already do and like to do.
I enjoy traveling to new places. Maybe we could make it a point to travel more this year? See new places around our own area? We never go camping or hiking or anything like that. I think we should. There are so many beautiful places around us. We could go visit our friends in upstate New York and see the Finger Lakes or Lake George. We could go to Portland, ME. Go down to New York City just for the heck of it. We could do these things. Finally go to Provincetown, even if it’s just for the day. Or Martha’s Vineyard. Go to RI and visit family. We should do more of this. Ok. Consider it done.
Stay in touch with friends. See them more. Do at least one thing with friends a month.
OK, now we are talking…
Frequency
Feeling wanted at the end of the year
Action
Monthly
I’m in touch with my friends
Reach out, meet up
Weekly
I’m in touch with my family
Reach out, meet up or talk about how things are going
Weekly
I have a podcast audience
Post podcasts
Weekly
I have added a new source of income
Set time aside to work on mobile apps
Daily
I am in good standing with my websites
Finish the website I need to finish, stay on top of backups and communication.
Chunk of time, a few months
I have done everything I can about our business
Finish our sushi site
I think that once I’m done with restaurant and sushi sites it will be time to start getting more clients locally. I’ll reach out to my community and see what’s out there.
I think I got a good plan now. I have focus on finishing the sushi site so that I can get that off my plate and start working on sushi. Yeah! Let’s do it.
Now, how do I track these goals? I need to have a visible “progress bar” going on… Maybe I can look for ideas when I go to Barnes & Noble with sister tomorrow. See? Already cashing in those family contact points!
I think it’s time to go back home and give my husband the great news that I won’t be depressed for a little while!!!
It’s 3:09am. I have been up since around 2:00am. The main reason I woke up is because my little baby dude has the croup and we are on chicken pox watch. Also, it is the first hot night of the year, and I’ve been worried that the temperature in his room may drop at any second and he may be left feeling too cold, which might worsen his condition. At 2:30 am I finally heard his barky cough. I ran to his side. He didn’t seem fazed by it, just went right back down to sleep, which made me think I should probably just do the same. Been awake ever since.
Then the stream of consciousness started: why did my friend push the ‘Delete Account’ button on our friendship after it looked as though I was going to be unable to make the Louie show we were going to attend together? (which, by the way, I ended up giving up my ticket for way too prematurely, as I *would have* been able to make it after all). She just chose that moment to stop the friendship. I guess if the relationship was so fragile then if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else soon after. Not a loss I should mourn, but I thought about it tonight because my husband reminded me of it randomly tonight. After that, I picked up my phone and started downloading Stitcher episodes. After that I started thinking about the audiobook of Mark Cuban’s “Winning at the Sport of Business” book (a compilation of his best blogs), and how it’s making me feel like I’m wasting time just by lying there and sleeping. Then I started thinking about the Start Up podcast, and how I could totally be recording the early stages of my business (Ina Nutshell, LLC) on my Ina Nutshell Podcast, and how right now I just have $10 in my business bank account. I could be cronickling my baby’s cough, and how powerful it would be to record a podcast whispering because it’s the middle of the night and I should be sleeping, but I can’t seem to be able to turn my brain off. Also, on a possibly related note, I have allergies which are being super annoying and not letting me shut an eye.
So, I stopped resisting and came downstairs to blog. Because that’s what I do. Write stuff down. Maybe if I can empty my brain, or plan my week, or whatever, I will be able to go back to sleep for another couple of hours. I have a client meeting at 11am, and I’m afraid I will look like death after all the allergy-induced eye-rubbing I’ve been doing tonight, plus the fact I only got 4 hours of sleep and the previous nights were not any better.
OK, brain dump time:
Ended friendship because of Louis CK. Write a funny blog post about it? Maybe when I’m rich and famous (cuz you know that’s inevitably in my near future, right?) I will get to tell this story to Louis CK himself, and tell him how he cost me a friendship. Maybe he’ll find it hilarious. Maybe I’m underestimating how much older than me he is, and how when I’m R&F he’ll be like 80 years old and not lucid enough to even care. (I googled the age difference, he’s 13 years 7 months 18 days older than I am)
That new girl in Sillicon Valley is kind of cool. Reminds me of who I thought I wanted to be in college. Having hacking weekends sounds like a blast: a weekend where you just eat, drink, code and go to the bathroom (not necessarily in that order).
I wish I could spend more time writing mobile apps. Right now I’m in the requirements gathering phase of the app, which I know is a SUPER necessary step (I’m a project manager, so duh), but I really wish I could just START. It would not be very efficient or focused, though, and it would not guarantee at all that I would be able to launch a product in any given point in time in the future… so yeah, I really need to get my MVP (minimum viable product) straight.
I gave my podcast episode to a client of mine, and she said she would listen. I wish I could forget whether I did that or not so that I wouldn’t be expecting a response. Can’t stop thinking of that song I composed for my husband during that episode.
Wish I could just go to sleep.
I have 2 websites I should be working on right now, and I am doing it so late at night that my efficiency is through the floor. I have to start getting up early and doing it before I go to work, or take some time off work to do it. Or take some time some weekend to HACK IT and get it done.
I feel guilty about leaving my husbad to take care of our baby alone. I know he can do it. I know he doesn’t resent me when he has to. But I still feel like an absentee mother who should be prioritizing spending time with her 3.5 year old than doing some silly websites.
My patient clients would not appreciate my calling their websites “silly”
I’m hungry.
My eyes hurt from all the scratching. I wish the hurt could help me get some shut-eye.
Should I plan my week?
I am tired. I don’t think I should be doing any more work tonight.
I’m afraid of going to sleep because I may be staring at the ceiling for a while.
I’m afraid of having too many pick-up-and-put-down projects and I’ll never finish anything.
Yesterday was mother’s day, and I feel loved by my family. I’m thankful for my mom and my husband and baby. I have a beautiful family support structure.
I don’t know what I should be doing with this awakeness right now. Do websites? Jump into work-work? Watch TV? What does my body need?
My husband and I hosted our family for mother’s day, and he took care of the cleanup 100%. I really appreciated that. He wanted to do it. (“Why would I WANT to do the dishes??”)
It is almost 4am. Should I just stay awake? I feel more awake now than I was when I started writing this.
I just called in “baby” sick at work. Haven’t had much sleep all weekend, and baby is on chicken pox watch after his croup and fever last night. Better to stay.
I’m hungry.
Now that I’m staying home, I can think more long-term about today. I can always go back to bed later.
I just looked up how much to charge for website ad space. Will need this for girlPOWERcode.
I really want to start the powercode videos, but what is stopping me is the money because I haven’t created the set or bought the materials to make the t-shirts. At the same time, I know these are excuses. I could be starting a lot sooner in planning and setting up lessons. I also know I want to get my app up and running in the store so I can start talking about that, but I have a million other topics to discuss, so this is not really a requirement either. Gotta get on that.
It is 4:11am.
I don’t think I’ll be going to bed. Might as well get some work done. Let’s do that.
Gregory has been obsessed with Rescue Bots for a whole year at this point, and it’s actually a pretty good show.
For those of you who are not familiar with the show, Rescue Bots are transformers who transform into a fire truck (Heat Wave), a police car (Chase), a bulldozer (Boulder) and a helicopter (Blades). Whoever came up with this idea knew EXACTLY what 2-3 year olds would LOVE. It is GENIUS. Not to mention the entire collection of merch they have been able to get kids to “need.” I have been a victim of commercialization in this regard, and they are Gregory’s favorite toys. Most recently they came up with DINOBOTS – the same characters now transform into dinosaurs. There is no end to the marketing genius of these ideas!!!
For a while I’ve been coasting singing the theme song, but today I said NO MORE. I will learn these words! So, here they are in their pure glory.
A routine patrol with four Bots in stasis
Years later awoke in the strangest of places
Earth was their home now and in addition
Optimus Prime gave them this mission:
‘Learn from the humans, serve and protect,
Live in their world, earn their respect.
A family of heroes will be your allies,
To others remain robots in disguise.’
Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue,
Humans in need, heroes indeed,
Rescue Bots, roll to the rescue,
Rescue Bots.
With Cody to guide them and show them the way,
Rescue Bots will be saving the day.
Woke up at 4:03 am. Didn’t even want to stay in bed (that’s very different for me), so I came downstairs, started the dishwasher, attempted to make hot cocoa from a Hershey’s 100% cocoa box I bought yesterday (#fail), and now I’m writing this tiny blog.
I don’t want to spend too much time on the computer right now, I just want to PLAN. I was listening to a very good podcast by the guys from Cracked.com titled Why your brain is sabotaging you again, and it is possibly the most inspirational podcast I have ever listened to. It really gets you off your bum because it makes you face the reality that you probably spend your time doing EXACTLY what you want to do, and carving out time to do other things is REALLY HARD. It also sheds light on the fact that your dreams for your own future lay on what you do about it TODAY. A recent college grad would laugh in your face if you asked them what their retirement plan was, and an aspiring writer would come up with a million excuses why they can’t get any writing today or this week or this month even though all it takes is a page a day. It’s really remarkable logic and it makes you want to challenge it.
I just spent the past half an hour reading articles on Cracked while I was trying to find the link to the episode I just referenced. Not a great way to start this roll of newfound time to do things for my future… but hey, you gotta start somewhere. So I’m going to stop writing this silly post, and just say it: LISTEN TO THAT PODCAST. It will be much better than anything I write here for you, and it will give me my time back so I can get to my future evil plans 🙂
Enjoy your Thursday everyone. Maybe I should go make some breakfast. I’m so hungry.
It is midnight on Friday night. I have had a lovely calm, quiet and relaxing evening. I put my baby down at 6:50pm, and all I’ve done since then is: make my own dinner, play FreeCiv on my baby’s tablet, and watch old episodes of Entourage. At the same time, I’m feeling a bit conflicted. I am on the Atkins diet which has actually been working great for the past 3 weeks. I have lost 5 pounds and I do feel like I am eating healthier than I have in the past 2 years. However, I’m going to tell you what I miss: snacking. I miss going to the fridge or the cupboard and grabbing whatever is there and eating a lot of it.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving, so technically it was a cheat day (who’s on a diet on Thanksgiving, are you kidding me?). I had resolved to take it in stride: don’t overeat like you normally would, just have a little bit of everything and that’s it. Well, I wish I could say I had had better self control. I went completely overboard. By the time dinner was served I was already stuffed: crackers, dip, cheese, crab cakes, I mean, the works. When I finished dinner I literally had to excuse myself from the table to go sit on the couch. I thought I was going to throw up. Did that stop me from having dessert? No way, José. I had a piece of everything for dessert: a brownie, a chocolate-pecan-caramel bar, a slice of chocolate cake à la mode, and something else I’m sure. I overdid it in the worst possible way.
So today I’m feeling guilty. Did I just set myself back several weeks’ worth of effort? Most importantly, what is wrong with me and eating? Why can’t I stop thinking about food?
This whole introspection at midnight after a holiday makes me wish I were a drinker: I feel like I’d be able to handle these existential questions much better if I were drunk right now. At the very least it would make for one hilarious blog post.
I think I’m gonna go get myself some strawberries tomorrow and perhaps make a strawberry-pecan Atkins-friendly cupcake or something. I can’t stop thinking about food, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Ugh. Oh well, at least there’s always sugar-free jello (the secret awesome Atkins-acceptable dessert).
Once upon a time, back when blogs were used as personal diaries rather than news articles, I used to have a uJournal account. Nobody knew I had it, so there was no pressure to please or worries about what people would think. Some other ujournalers would stumble upon it serendipitously and write comments on posts, and I made some new friends. It was a safe space. I would blog daily, sometimes multiple times a day. Truth is… I miss it.
Every moment of the day I think of things to blog about. I want to talk, share, say everything that is on my mind ALL THE TIME. Some people use Facebook for that, some people use Twitter… and I used to be one of them. After I closed down my uJournal account I turned to Facebook to post everything I could think of. But then I got shy. I started looking in and came to the conclusion that my need to share did not have to equal airing my dirty laundry to 700 of my acquaintances on a minute-by-minute basis. So I deleted it all. The entire Facebook history. Gone. Not an easy feat considering Facebook does not have a “Delete History” button. It took me weeks to delete every single timeline item one by one.
So where does that leave us? An urgent need to share, but a strong desire for not spamming people who could care less.
Well, there’s always my good home at inacove.com. This is my forum. If you are not interested in reading, don’t come here. If you don’t want to get updates, don’t subscribe. If you do want to know what’s going on, you know where to find me.
Before I had children, I was always looking for things to do. Going on diets was a great way to pass the time. Now that baby is here, I have zero time to fill with other things (I know, life is tough). It had been a while since I had set out to apply some discipline to my eating habits, but I think it’s time.
Without further ado, I’m happy to introduce my latest adventure into the realm of deprivation: the Atkins Diet.
I did the Atkins back in 2004 for a month; the goal was to reach a super trim goal of 105 lbs, which I did! I know it doesn’t sound like a healthy weight, but considering my height, you’d be surprised to know that 105 still falls within the normal level of BMI, so don’t worry, I’m not striving for starvation here. Just daydreaming about seeing that magical number on the scale which we all have in mind (think about it: what is your perfect weight?).
Anyways, it’s time to get back on it. It is day 1 and I have planned my meals for the next 3 days until I can go shopping again. Shopping was super expensive (some of those sugar supplements ain’t cheap!), so there’s the first tip.
ina: How long has it been since I told you I love you? hubby: It’s been a while… (*) ina: What if I told you I love you tonight? hubby: That would be nice ina: Yeah, it would be (walks away) hubby: (…) Well played.
(*) Disclaimer: I tell my husband I love him almost every day… he was just doing a funny by pretending to be ignorant of this glaringly obvious fact.
A couple of months ago I posted this status on Facebook:
Answers to an important question
All great answers… now, I really wanted to hear from guys who have waited 10 years before proposing, and the only reason they eventually did was by an ultimatum by their partners. I also wanted to hear from guts who did propose, and what was the trigger that led them to do so. I wish I could say this post will shed light on the matter, but I’m afraid I come bearing more questions instead.
The reason I put this out ther is because I have seen this scenario play out more than once before my very eyes, and it has happened to me personally. Girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, girl imagines a future together and then… nothing. Conversations about marriage are pushed aside (craftily) and the subject put off for years and years. In every instance the girl has concocted a “mutual agreement” narrative that is conveniently at hand in case any of her friends or family asked about it, but, if she’s honest with herself she knows in her heart it’s not how she would like things to be.
Here’s an aside for all people out there already thinking “not all women want to get married” or “what makes you think it’s the guy avoiding the topic and not the girl?” or my favorite “it’s the 21st century!”. If you identify with any of these thoughts, I applaud your independence and I do not deny these are all true scenarios, but you might want to turn around and Google a post titled “I don’t care if he doesn’t want to marry me” and read that one instead, for this one in particular is not about you.
Let me tell you about the women I am speaking of. I’ll use myself as the first example, as Shakira wisely said “when you have to speak about two people, it’s always best to start with yourself.” Yes I just quoted (translated) a Shakira song lyric, so sue me (on second thought, please don’t).
The year was 2002. I had just broken up with my latest boyfriend, and decided to stay single for a whole semester. I went on dates, I hung out with guy friends, I flirted, and was doing OK, until I met him. He was polite, he was shy, he blushed when I smiled at him, he was funny (in a surprising way), and he never asked me out. A cute, funny, smart guy who likes my company but does not want to rush things? I was hooked.
He never did ask me out, so we just let our friendship grow until our attraction to each other got the best of us and one day we were magically officially dating. Can you go out with a girl but never have to go through the awkwardness of asking her on a date? Sounds impossible, but this guy managed to sweep me off my feet without having to lift a single finger. A year and a half later I found myself echoing the words of my mother: “what are we waiting for?” I don’t remember his side of the conversation, but I remember feeling that he just wasn’t ready yet.
Another year passed. We almost broke up, but in a grand gesture he moved half way across the country to be with me. Another year passed, and now I was convinced I would get proposed to any minute. I would look forward to birthdays and arbitrary holidays, but they always ended the same way: no proposal, no sign of one, and a cloud of disappointment lurking above me. Another year passed. And another. My mother kept begging me to move on if he didn’t propose by the end of that year… every year. I started to think that perhaps our relationship was not really at “that” stage in his mind, and I started to feel very alone (and even a bit delusional).
I finally decided to make other plans. I enrolled on an MBA program part-time and proceeded to look for a place to live with roommates to save some money and live closer to the school. So far my boyfriend and I had enjoyed the perks of privacy that came with my having my own apartment (he was living at his parents’ at the time), so my decision to move in with strangers appeared to threaten the level of comfort we had become accustomed to, and he was going to have none of it.
He could not suggest we got our own place (we were both of the mind that we should move in together after we got married, and not a day before), but he also could not tell me stop looking (yeah, that would have gone over well… not). So what did he do? There was only one way out: ask me to marry him. He took me up a hot air balloon ride and proposed in the most romantic way, and I said yes. We have been together for 10 tears, married for 5, we have a 2 year old son who is the light of our lives, and we are still very much in love.
If I had left out the “how” it all happened, it would have been a story much more suited for a Kate Hudson/Matthew Maconaughey film. Here’s my storybook version of our story:
I had just broken up with my latest boyfriend, and decided to stay single […] until I met him. […] A cute, funny, smart guy who likes my company but does not want to rush things? I was hooked. […] We almost broke up, but in a grand gesture he moved half way across the country to be with me. Another year passed, and now I was convinced I would get proposed to any minute. […] One day he took me up a hot air balloon ride and proposed in the most romantic way, and I said yes. We have been married for 5 years, we have a 2 year old son who is the light of our lives, and we are still very much in love.
Wow, what a difference.
Other women have had different experiences. I know at least 2 women who gave their boyfriends ultimatums, and they obliged.
I know another couple where the girl wants to be with him forever, but he simply does not want to commit because of his own baggage from past marriages (despite this discrepancy in relationship expectations, they are still together).
I know more than one couple that were together for nearly 10 years before the guy proposed. In most of those cases the guy simply did not want to get married while he was still so young (from my informal research, looks like 27 is the sweet spot for reconsideration).
The theme appears to be that men need some kind of trigger. Love is not a trigger. Love is something you can feel for someone else for many years without ever having to change a thing. For some men, the trigger is age, for others it might be the ultimate choice between marriage and break-up, and for others (such as my husband’s) living arrangements that make more sense (this is the least romantic of all).
No guy will ever read this post. But if for some miracle they do, I’d love to hear their opinion on the matter. Or, ladies, feel free to share your husband/fiance’s take: what did prompt them to propose? What was it that did them in?
On the flip side, if you know why a guy did not or does not want to marry you, what was/is the reason?
I was looking for something light to watch. You know, something that wouldn’t require a lot of actual “watching” so that I could get some other things done. I wanted something girl-flicky, something “talky.” Boy, did I found it.
Jennifer: good-for-nothing, depressing, klepto, indecisive. Her mood throughout the whole movie resembled her role in the movie The Good Girl (2002). It was so depressing that it was quite unbearable to watch. We all know someone like that: they can’t seem to get their act together, but show no interest in turning things around. Life is happening to them, as opposed to them making their own path. In the end, she serendipitously finds a rich guy, and that’s supposed to fix all her life problems. You know it won’t. It’s the start of yet another self-destructive cycle. Sorry I just spoiled the ending for you.
Catherine: Am I the only one who finds her unbelievably whiny? Even on Death to Smoochy (opposite my boyfriend Ed Norton, I did not find her likable. Or in The 40 year old virgin (one of my favorite comedies), her smile just does not seem genuine. I guess I have not found her to fit the right niche. In this movie, she plays someone who finds it difficult to let go of what people think of her. I could definitely relate to that. I could relate to her wanting to be asked “are you ok?” when she burns her hand on the stove. She was possibly the hardest character to watch for me because she needed validation, and her husband probably just got sick of it and decided to not enable her anymore. I live in fear of that every day. Am I so insecure that one day I will be found out as a fraud and everyone will leave me?
Frances: I love her. Even though she played a very depressed character, you could actually see that her acting and physique matched it perfectly. I felt for her. I knew what she meant when she said “it’s like we are all just waiting to die.” When you don’t know what else life is going to bring your way, it’s easy to settle in the comfort of the status quo and imagine that life is pretty much going to stay the same way until you are dead. I don’t want that for my life. I want change. 2014 can’t be the year that looked exactly the same as 2013.
Joan: This character was the most out of reach for me. She’s rich, she’s happy in her marriage, and she takes care of her house/kids full time. I can’t relate to someone who doesn’t want to work. However, she wasn’t annoying. She was caring and genuinely wanted to help her friends with her good fortune, but in a realistic way. She and her husband still complained about things being too expensive, and seemed to have the most down-to-earth relationship. I liked them. It made me wish my marriage continued to be that way in 10 years. I never want it to settle into Catherine’s fiasco.
In conclusion, when you have money, happiness is not a given. Sounds like what we have to strive for and work for is the happiness part, not the money part. Yet, somehow, money keeps being the driving force in our lives through our jobs and daily worries. If happiness is the ultimate goal, and money is our only focus, what do we have to do to reprioritize?
Nativity scenes galoreI am staying at my sister’s mother-in-law’s apartment in Caracas during my stay. She lives in a 3 bedroom apartment in the upper middle class neighborhood Santa Rosa de Lima, and I absolutely love this location. They are central to everything my family needs access to, and it is SO EASY to get on the highway. I can’t stand how much I love this apartment.
It is Christmas time, and I could not help but notice that every single table was completely covered in all sorts of different nativity scenes. It took me a while to notice because the knick-knacks on the table were just a blur, until a single unique nativity scene happened to catch my eye. The next day, another unique piece caught my eye. By the third day, I had to stop looking at the tree and focus on the forest. That’s when I realized that EVERY SINGLE knick-knack on the table was a nativity scene!
I asked her how many she had, and she said she counted them every single year as she put them out. The number for this year was 160 (she made sure to point out this included the magnets on the fridge and external door hanging piece).
I must say that I have not decorated for Christmas this year in my own apartment, so perhaps this is Jesus’s way to remind me that He WAS born and that it IS His birthday after all. Can’t forget that here.
Merry Christmas everyone!
ina
Cute magnetStoneWooden StonehengeAlien world scenelarge, centerpieceClay, big noses
I’m sorry for non-Spanish speakers. This made me laugh to TEARS. Enjoy!
Cograf Comunicaciones – La historia del Cometa Halley
La siguiente es una de esas típicas situaciones de “incomunicación corporativa”…
El Presidente de la compañía le dice a su Gerente General:
“El lunes próximo, a eso de las siete de la tarde el cometa Halley se hará visible. Es un acontecimiento que ocurre cada 78 años. Reúna a todo el personal en el patio de la fábrica, todos usando casco de seguridad, que allí les explicaremos el fenómeno. Si llueve, este raro espectáculo no podrá ser visto a ojo desnudo, en ese caso entraremos al comedor donde será exhibido un documental sobre ese mismo tema”.
El Gerente General al Jefe de Producción:
“Por orden del presidente, el lunes a las siete aparecerá sobre la fábrica el cometa Halley. Si llueve reúna a los empleados con casco de seguridad y llévelos al comedor, donde tendrá lugar un raro espectáculo, que sucede cada 78 años a ojo desnudo”.
El Jefe de Produccion al Supervisor:
“A pedido de nuestro gerente general, el científico Halley de 78 años, aparecerá desnudo en el comedor de la fábrica usando casco, porque va a ser presentado un documental sobre el problema de la seguridad en días de lluvia”.
El Supervisor a su Asistente:
“Todo el mundo desnudo sin excepción, deberá estar en el patio el lunes a las siete, donde el famoso músico Halley mostrará el vídeo bailando bajo la lluvia. El show se presenta cada 78 años”.
El Asistente a los Empleados:
“El jefe cumple 78 años el lunes y habrá una fiesta en el patio y el comedor con el famoso conjunto Bill Halley y sus cometas. Todo el que quiera, puede ir en bolas, pero usando casco, porque se va a armar una tremenda joda”.
#PointFor Venezuela: funny signs to show robbers the way out @JasonT
#PointFor Venezuela: chocolate ina tube. Yup. ina tube.
#PointFor USA: Chavez is deceased by all standards… except in Venezuela, where he lives on every building and billboard. Cult of personality is the worst.
#PointFor Venezuela: Cucuruchos and polvorosas! Yum
#PointFor Venezuela: magnetic soap holders!!!!
#PointFor the USA: Auntie Anne’s at a mall in Venezuela
#PointFor Venezuela: Churros
#PointFor Venezuela: countdown at most traffic lights.
Ever wonder “What are bullies thinking?” or “Are my childhood bullies sorry?”… then keep reading.
I traveled to my native Venezuela for Christmas to attend family weddings this year. Not having lived there for any amount of time during my adult life, I did not know anyone outside my immediate family and I could not drive (I had no idea how to get anywhere). So you can imagine how happy and grateful I felt that my little sister, Tina, welcomed me into her group of friends and dragged my butt all over town the entire week.
We definitely had fun and I felt accepted and welcomed. I was still trying to get used to the racial jokes and homophobic slurs, which my sister assured me meant nothing more than pure fun (no real racism or homophobia behind them). Having lived in Caracas before, I sort of understood, but it was still quite the culture shock from the political correctness to which I have become accustomed in the US.
One night we got together with her friends at someone’s house. It was a beautiful night, and we were gathered outside on the terrace with lawn chairs, beers, and animated atmosphere that only a group of young Venezuelans can create. I got introduced to everyone, and I sat quietly on a chair to watch. They pinned me as the quiet type (I don’t get that a lot), which I did not mind at all. My personality comes out when I’m comfortable, and I was still getting my sociocultural bearings.
Somehow the topic of bullying came up, but mostly as a joke and not the serious subject I believe so strongly it is. Most of the attendees had gone to school togetyher, so they all spoke of people they knew. Here are some of the things I heard them say (keep in mind this is a group of male 30 year olds):
Bullying did not exist more than 2 years ago. It’s something that came up just recently.
It’s one thing to be bullied, and another to be subdued by peers for being antisocial. (the implication being that one is not deserved, while the other one is, respectively)
We would all call this kid some nickname quietly when he was walking down the hall, and everyone else would join in, but he couldn’t tell where the noises where coming from. It was funny to see him turn back and forth to figure out where it was coming from. Everytime he heard that word he would freak out. {laughs}
I do feel remorse for some things I did, but there were other times that they were asking for a beating.
Nonono, that was not bullying, that was a regular/normal/ordinary beating.
Sometimes we would pull other guys’ pants down on the outdoors basketball court. It happened to me, too {laughs}. But remember that other guy? His balls were hanging in the wind! {laughs}
Dude, you can’t tell me they weren’t asking for it. Remember those two other guys? They would spend recess time upstais in the classroom STUDYING!!! What losers!
If I had sons, I would tell them to beat up whoever messes with them. That’s the only way to stop bullying. I don’t know what I would do if I had girls, it’s much more difficult there.
The thing is that all these things we did were so funny! I wasn’t doing any of it to hurt anyone, I just did it because it made me laugh! And it still does!
It’s obvious that any grown person knows that teasing other people is wrong. This is just kid stuff.
At first I sat quietly hoping they would get sick of the topic and move on, but by the third beating story (and laughter that ensued) I was done. I could not hear any more. I told my sister the smoke was making me sick (which was actually very true) and spent the rest of the evening backing up my photos on my phone in the living room while everyone kept on sharing stories and laughing outside.
You see, I WAS THAT KID that went to the library during recess because my life was so socially unbearable that I could not stand being around other kids in my class. I WAS THAT KID that as soon as the kids on my bus found out what my mother called me (little angel) they would all chant it and clap to a hideous tune. I WAS THAT KID who got voted to be queen of my class, only to be told (brutally) by my classmates that they did it out of pity and they had changed their minds, so voting would have to be done over. I WAS THAT KID who would be told that my crush wanted me to be his girlfriend (my crush was also in on the joke), and then just watched them all laugh at me when I believed it. I WAS THAT KID. You really don’t want me to keep going. I was scarred by these experiences, and my ability to trust and feel loved was damaged even in my adult relationships because of them. There is nothing funny about my childhood traumas at school among kids who thought and did all the items above.
I never told my sister the real reason I excused myself that night. I thought she would be upset that I isolated myself, but she wasn’t. I was glad about that. I did not want to make her feel bad, or let on that I was not having a good time with her friends after all her kindness and sincere attempts to make me feel welcome. If she’s reading this now, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think you’d understand.
I always wondered if my personal bullies felt bad for what they did to me, but I always told myself these two things:
Kids don’t really know what bullying is when they are doing it, so they would never look back and regret. They did things because it was funny. They probably remember it as funny.
It doesn’t matter if they are sorry. I’m the one that has to forgive and move on with my life.
I should be glad that I was right on both counts, but I’m not. I guess I still had some faith in humanity. I hoped that the new bullying campaign would help them make the connection, but it sounds like they see bullying as something “new” that doesn’t apply to them. It’s really not their fault that they were truly unaware of the likely lasting negative effect they induced in other more sensitive kids’ psyches, but I hope it is still ok for me to reserve the right to not have to hear their stories.
For all of you out there who at one point or another bullied someone, and you are sorry, just know that we love you for it. It doesn’t take our pain and suffering away, but some level of justice or validation does go a long way. For those of you who still believe it was all fun and games, and the target was just not being a good sport, please keep your thoughts to yourself. You never know when you might be in the presence of someone who was really hurt in the past that you might be offending through your indifference.
#TheGreatRenaudWho is The Great Renaud?
Renaud is a friend/coworker of mine who just happens to be more interesting than the average person. Whenever he tells a story worth sharing, I tweet my best 140-character summary of it for the whole world to see.
Does Renaud know about this hashtag?
Yes he does, and he is very flattered. He’s proud to be immortalized out there on the interwebs.
Here is the full list of tweets with the hashtag #TheGreatRenaud
#TheGreatRenaud has the coding prowess of a young @SteveWoz, obstinate nature of a much cooler Einstein & quirkyness of the beloved platypus Jan 24, 2014
#theGreatRenaud has been said to live like a monk, look like a punk, and eat like a bird. Jan 17, 2014
“According to her, I’m a gangster monk” #theGreatRenaud Jan 16, 2014
“My xmas present to myself” #diaphonizedSnake #HappyHolidays #TheGreatRenaud http://t.co/XTr6qYBrFw Dec 16, 2013
Coworkers were talking about flammable foods. One was Doritos. “I can’t know this! … Sigh… I’ll just buy the small bag.” #TheGreatRenaud Dec 16, 2013
“My grocery store is guarded by armed men. So is my local cable company store. I love my neighborhood.” #TheGreatRenaud Dec 16, 2013
“I bought these in Mamou at a store that only sells combat boots and fishing licenses. Don’t know how they stay in business” #TheGreatRenaud Dec 12, 2013
Coworker on #TheGreatRenaud: “You don’t want to get too deep into Renaud’s world. The roads aren’t straight.” Dec 12, 2013
in case u’ve been wondering, #TheGreatRenaud is a coworker of mine who happens 2b more interesting than the average person #theWorldMustKnow Nov 25, 2013
“Remind me to tell you about my terrorist T-shirt sometime” #TheGreatRenaud Nov 25, 2013
“Numbered lists are the ultimate expression of my rage. I sent one to Comcast last week.” #TheGreatRenaud Nov 15, 2013
“She said my glassblown vases were scary. I’ll show her scary.” And so, #TheGreatRenaud’s Glassblowing Dark Period began. Nov 09, 2013
“I worked at a haunted house where I’d jump out & scare kids. It was all fun & games until I got punched in the face” #theGreatRenaud Nov 09, 2013
#TheGreatRenaud was 2get a giant squid tattooed on chest. I suggested this image. Response: “That’s an octopus. No.” http://t.co/aehGPRgXzn Nov 08, 2013
#TheGreatRenaud wore the horse head all evening so that new people he met that night would never see his face. http://t.co/VzuqaLgWMY Nov 08, 2013
“I got hit on the face by a bird today.” #theGreatRenaud Nov 08, 2013
“They said my green hair was inappropriate, so I wore a cheap black wig all year, then shaved my head my last day. F*ck ’em” #theGreatRenaud Nov 08, 2013
“I told her her features were Rubenesque. She broke into tears & screamed ‘I can’t believe ur comparing me to a sandwich!’” #theGreatRenaud Nov 08, 2013
“Yes, my name is like the car, but we differ in a few silent letters” #theGreatRenaud Nov 08, 2013
“My airbag was defective. It’d go off & cover me in airbag dust. It all started when my car was struck by a lightning” #theGreatRenaud Nov 08, 2013
Catchy title, ain’t it? Yup, that’s what I thought, too. You see, it was 7pm on a Sunday, baby was down, I had had dinner, my husband was watching Dr Who (a show I have absolutely no interest in), so what is a girl to do? Browse the internet.
Somehow in my click-surfing, I came across this video. Before you invest the 40 minutes the video requires to watch, let me give you some information:
You don’t have to watch it, I summarized my take-aways below. Note, I did not summarize the VIDEO, I summarized the things that caught my eye.
Dr David Brownstein has an impressive list of published books on holistic methods, nutrition and enhancing your immune system. See it here: DrBrownstein.com.
I had to constantly remind myself that he IS trying to sell something, so I had to take every word with a grain of unrefined organic sea salt. Despite his yellow-journalistic and alarmist style, I thought he had some good advice for us all.
Good advice for us all
Don’t smoke. You’re an idiot.
Conventionally trained doctors are not trained on nutrition and prevention of disease, but more to treat them with medication/surgery. Seek holistic doctors that will help you get your immune system back in order naturally.
Iodine good. Bromine bad. Iodine is great for you because it helps cells in your body through their regular life-and-death cycle (so they don’t become cancerous). Avoid bromine, which apparently is in every food known to man. Bromine appears to counter the effects of iodine, so if you’re not getting enough iodine, and on top of that you’re getting bombarded with bromine, you are pretty much screwed.
Red meat doesn’t give you heart disease. Chemicals in red meat are the ones that are bad for you. Only consume certified organic beef, chicken, pork, fish, fruits and vegetables.
White refined sugar is the enemy of the State, while artificial sweeteners are Osama Bin Laden himself. Instead, use pure organic stevia, raw honey, or unrefined cane sugar.
How to eat yogurt. Buy plain yogurt and add natural fruit yourself.
Foods to avoid. white rice, white potatoes, cookies, cakes, chips, all processed food in boxes, bags or cans. Refined flours, oils and salts. Oils: canola, corn, margarine, cottonseed, soybean oils, or anything that says “Partially Hydrogenated” on the label. Salts: table salt.
Foods to eat. oatmeal, nuts, anything made with organic whole grain flours that have not been bromated, yams/sweet potatoes. Oils: organic butter, coconut oil, cold-pressed extra virgin olive oil. Salts: organic unrefined sea salt.
Soy is good? Try NOT. Only fermented soy is good (found in miso and tempeh). Everything else is crap.
Get rid of heavy metals in your body. No doctor will test you for this, so you have to find yourself a holistic doctor who will agree. It’s supposed to make a huge difference in your well-being and your well-feeling. Metals to test for: mercury, nickel, arsenic, cadmium, lead and aluminum.
So what did I get out of this? Well, that most likely I will be getting cancer along with everyone I know, unless I actually make a change. That was pretty much his point, so I guess I owe it to myself to make some adjustments? (I end that sentence with a question because I have not decided to do anything yet) This is just a good jumping off point to start figuring out better ways to nourish myself and my family. What about you?
Welcome to my BrainI’ve been wanting to do this for a very long time! What you see here is the main headline in my brain for each day that I remember to come and fill this out.
What is a headline?
You know when you first get in the shower in the morning and you are trying to remember what was it that was consuming your life the night before, and then it all comes rushing to you: that person is mad at me, I forgot to finish that thing for work, did I go to bed mad at him last night? Am I still mad at him? Anyways, whatever gives you the most inquietude is your Headline for the day. Hopefully your headline gets resolved as the day goes by and other things start to take priority, but I consider that first “shower moment” to be the main headline for the day.
Thomas the Tank EngineMy son spent 85% of his 2-year old life watching Curious George. I was already planning a big yellow/monkey theme party, when he switched gears on me. All of the sudden it was all about trains! Thomas became a huge celebrity, and there was no way around it. The party was to be Thomas themed.
So, I got myself a size 7 (girls) pink Thomas shirt, and got him a matching blue one. Attires: check. Plates, cups, decals, all Thomas themed: check. Now, the cake.
I will confess that the river down the center of the cake hides a HUGE earthquake-like crack on the top face of this chocolate layered cake. Nobody noticed, though, and people were very impressed!
Nothing hard about this cake. Just a whole lot of different color frosting and purchased props. I’m most proud of the gray sugar grains which doubled as gravel. Quite nice.
Android KitKat cakeMy husband’s birthday rolled around and it was time to make a cake that he would never eat (he doesn’t like cake – it’s a texture thing), so it had to be particularly impressive.
As soon as I decided to make an Android cake (we are a Droid family) I went out and bought the white frosting (lesson learned from the Enterprise cake), and green icing. While I was at the store, I passed by the candy isle and Kit Kats caught my eye. My husband loves Kit Kats! Maybe I could throw some mini wrapped chocolates in his present box.
On the ride home it hit me: KIT KAT IS THE NEXT DROID VERSION!!!!!!!!!!!!! And so the idea was born: an Android KitKat cake.
My husband was very impressed, and everything was perfect except for the fact that his first instinct was to pronounce “Stevroid” as “Steh-vroid” (it was supposed to be “Steve-roid”). He destroyed all my excitement then… but not all the way! I’m still mighty proud of this one!
The design was easy: google-image the icon for Android and mimic it as close as possible.
The hard part: I used canned icing for the green. If you’ve ever played with these, they don’t come out “smooth,” but intead they come out as spaghetti-like strings of icing. Trying to get it to look smooth took some creative techniques. So what I did was put a butter knife to a lighter, and heated it up. Then used the knife to smooth out the green areas. It turned out pretty well, but the knife gets cold very fast, so I had to do this multiple times. The icing kept sticking to the knife. Perseverance paid off.
Everyone loved this one! One of my master achievements!
Owl & Elephant = Babies!I really don’t understand why or how this happened, but when my baby was born he was showered by gifts that were elephant in theme. Elephant cards. Elephant stuffed animals.
When my niece was born, the same thing happened… this time with owls; but it was not random like mine was. My sister-in-law actually announced that her baby identified with owls. So there went the owl themed gifts and baby shower. This is when it started to click that perhaps all babies are associated to a cute little animal (if this is not true, please don’t tell me — I still don’t understand this, so it helps me to chuck it to a culture/tradition of some sort).
So, when grandmother’s birthday rolled around, I thought it natural to make a cake with both symbols on it. Most of the work came in drawing the figure with a toothpick and getting the sugar to neatly stay within the confines of the drawing. Since I don’t have sophisticated tools, this was the hardest part and I would never do it the way I did it again!!! But it turned out well enough! Grandmother was pleased, to say the least.
USS EnterpriseI got a call from my mother the weekend before my father’s birthday asking me for tips on cake decorating. How am I to explain the art, the passion, the creativity, the imagination, the [insert more indescribable adjectives here], that it takes to decorate a cake? I told her to make the cake, and not to worry about decorations. I would bring down to New Jersey all the frosting/icing I had on hand, and she would not have to worry about a thing.
When I got there I came up with the PERFECT idea, considering that the shape of the cake my mother made was a bit… uhh… convex? It had a round top, ok? Not a flat one. So, I took one look at the icing colors I had brought, and the cake, and it was so obvious: THE ENTERPRISE!!!! I come from a family of Trekkies, so it just came to me.
Anyways, ideally you would use white frosting, but I used white icing. There is no way around writing such perfect words. You just need a toothpick, black icing, and a very steady hand.
As for the navigational deflector, that’s just gel icing. We used a flashlight to shine a light on it for pictures.
Not too shabby, huh? Considering it was a completely improvised project, I was very proud of this one!
Picture the scene: it is one week before a trip where I’m going to attend 2 weddings. I bought the dresses MONTHS prior. Will I fit into the dresses? Time to freak out.
So, I decided to go on the same diet I went on before I got married. Did I mention the trip is in one week? The rules:
Have 3 meals a day
Only one meal can be “large” (potatoes, meat, etc), preferably lunch
No chocolates or other sweet/fatty snacks (aka “crap”) between meals
Romaine lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, steak, little bit of Ranch dressing
2
Deviled ham sandwich
Falafel pocket and french fries/tdtdchicken noodle soup
3
Deviled ham sandwich
3 meatballs and white rice
Romaine lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, chicken, little bit of Ranch dressing
4
Deviled ham sandwich
3 meatballs and white rice
Romaine lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, chicken, little bit of Ranch dressing
5
Deviled ham sandwich
Salad: greens, cranberries, caramelized walnuts, and vinagrette dressing (Tavern in the Square)
Pork fried rice, chicken lo mein, Peking ravioli, teriyaki beef on a stick (Kowloons)
5
Ham and cheese sandwich
Ham and cheese sandwich
Pork chops and mashed potatoes
6
1 donut, 6 munchkins
Ham and cheese sandwich. Chocolate bonbon.
Hot dog, beans, a few chips
Notes/Lessons Learned/Diet Log
Day 3: I either should have dinner right before bed, or go to bed right after dinner. Let an hour pass after eating a salad and HUNGER STRIKES
Day 4: I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want: a warm cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream… and skinny & crunchy butter cookies with cinnamon sugar on top. That’s the stuff dreams are made of.
Day 5: I deserve a whole ton of credit for beating the ugly temptation monster many times today. First by not eating a Baci I found in the snacks at the office, and then by declining to have the app tater tots or stuffing my face with french fries from my coworker’s plate. The only way I could do this was by reminding myself that I could eat anything I wanted at dinnertime. Man, I hope this is worth it. I also weighed myself today, and I am three pounds lighter than I thought I was! Boom, instant weight loss.
Day 6: and so, on a low note, the diet fell apart. Donuts and bonbons got the best of me. On Day 7 I weighed myself and I appeared to have gained 3 lbs from that faithful day 4, when everything still seemed possible.
My citizenship ceremony at Faneuil Hall
A lot of people don’t really know what it takes to become a citizen of the US. When I married my American husband people were surprised to hear I had to apply for a greencard. The next words out of their mouths were usually “don’t you become a citizen automatically after marrying an American?” uhhhh no, you don’t.
Oh, btw, if you still think the Immigration office is still called “INS” you are about 10 years behind in your lingo. It is now called “USCIS” and it is part of the Department of Homeland Security. USCIS = US Citizenship and Immigration Services, and all forms can be found at uscis.gov
Here’s some citizenship trivial for the curious:
NOTHING is automatic. When you get married, you have to apply for a greencard. You can do this as soon as the marriage is official.
Once you get your greencard (for me it was 6 months after submitting my application), you get to keep it for 2 years before you apply again to remove the “conditions” tied to it.
Apply to remove conditions and get your new greencard, which expires in 10 years.
Now, you can wait one more year to apply for citizenship!
Now that you are up to speed, here’s my timeline!
Date
Action
06/19/2012
Mailed application package
06/21/2012
Package delivered
06/22/2012
Application Received
06/25/2012
USCIS Receipt printed
06/27/2012
USCIS Receipt mailed
06/28/2012
Check cashed
06/30/2012
USCIS Receipt delivered
07/13/2012
Biometrics appointment notice sent
07/16/2012
Biometrics Notice received
08/07/2012
Biometrics appointment
08/23/2012
Notice asking for applicant to appear at initial interview
I will not hide it. I’m going to tell you and the world right now: I LOVE karaoke. I love being on stage, I love the sound of my voice over a mike, I love showing off the fact that I know the songs without looking at the lyrics screen, I love it when strangers come up to me afterwards and tell me what a great job I did. I LOVE karaoke.
I have tried a few places around town, but you always run into the same issue: you want to sing, but there are so many people in line that you barely get to sing 2 songs (usually just one). What a drag. If I wanted to sing one song I could sing it in the privacy of my home, in my car, or in the shower. When I go out to sing karaoke I want to be on stage for as long as possible.
One would think that the best place to do this would be a karaoke shop that has private rooms. I have tried these… the problem is that it is not the same as singing on a stage in front of a group of strangers. You see, my level of self-consciousness is greater the more people I know in the audience. So, is my only option to go to a crowded place and wait for my turn? Nope!
In comes the Limelight Stage & Studios in Boston (LimelightBoston.com/, 204 Tremont St, Boston). This place is a hidden jewel! It has multiple private rooms, which apparently is what people come here for. They also have a stage, which is mostly empty on Friday nights! By empty I mean NOT CROWDED. I went out with some coworkers last night, and I had the time of my life! I must have gone up at least 3 times by myself and 3 other times as duets. I went in at 7pm (when they opened) and left at 11pm and I was satisfied.
Also, don’t miss Zach, the Frank Sinatra singer. He is there every time I’ve gone, and he’s just a delight to listen to!
I’m afraid to even write this because I don’t want the place to get ruined by the mobs… but I just can’t wait to go back! This is easily one of my favorite things to do in town.
The evening air smelled of rain and the building tops were invisible from the fog, that unusually warm night in December when I was beautiful.
The party crowd blended into one sea of unfamiliar faces. Each face an opportunity, an invitation, to be seen, admired, envied. Conversations with men were easy, effortless, almost unfair. Insecure women avoided eye contact and spent as little time talking to me as they strictly wanted to. The whole thing felt like an improvised anthropological study on human nature. Beautiful women vs everyone else.
The music played, and I gave myself permission to enjoy it. Men who had been beside me all night, gravitating towards me like moths to a flame, joined in the singing and dancing. Women too jealous to face me directly murmured and made up names behind my back (a certain moth made it a point to share with me the amusing observation). It was working. Beauty had charged its penalty, but it was of no consequence. Their response validated what I had known since the moment I walked into the room.
Neither the jealousy, nor the moths to the flame were the most surprising results of our study. It was the refreshing identification of strong women who are secure in their own identity. Women I would want to be friends with engqged me in interesting, worldly conversation. I wanted more time with them, I craved their attention. Intelligent women are a luxury, a breath of fresh air, an endless horizon. The concept of conventional beauty dissipated during those conversations, and they became beautiful to me.
At night, in the dim light of our bedroom, when the make up is gone and the dress is back on the hanger, all that is left is an old T-shirt, yoga pants, and a scrunchy. I am still the same person who lit up the room, but only a faint trace of her remains in the smile on my face, for tonight was proof that I was beautiful once.
For my son’s first birthday I had no choice but to bring to life his favorite character in the whole world: the beloved Elmo from PBS’s Sesame Street.
I say I had no choice because, really, there was no other choice. My son’s obsession with the red furry fella had overshadowed his love for Curious George in its entirety months before his birthday.
For this project I made my signature chocolate cake (ahem, Betty Crocker Devil’s Food mix) with milk chocolate frosting. Everything else is color icing.
As for tools, I use butter knives, toothpics, and a decoration syringe to squeeze icing or frosting onto the cake with precision.
I was pretty proud of this one, the first real notch on my repertoire. And it was delicious, too!
ina
Here’s a side view. The candle was also Elmo themed, and it’s on the side of the cake here (we put it on the cake before blowing it out).Top view.
Back in 2009, a budding talent sprung from the simple love for chocolate cake. It was my nephew’s 1st birthday, and I signed up to make the cake. I thought it turned out ok, I mean, this one will not win any contests, but it gave me the confidence to keep on caking. Enjoy this oldie but goodie.
ina
Side view. I remember it was NOT easy to get those sprinkles to stick to the side of the cake. What a strange angle to throw them at.Close up of candle and letter toppings.Top view. Fun camera angle with the top view 1 yr old candle.
75 Chestnut 75chestnut.com(restaurant link is broken)
75 Chestnut St
Boston, MA 02108 (map)
Survey Says: A new tradition!
Right off of the Boston Common there is a tiny fashionable restaurant called 75 Chestnut, which tends to hold special events every so often. I remember going there with a friend a few years ago and enjoying back massages on the house. Unfortunately the massage caused me to lose consciousness and I spent the rest of the evening incontrollably (really, could not control it) crying. But anyways, this restaurant has a nifty little activity for families (or anyone, really) every holiday season: Gingebread housemaking.
Credit Card Meters!!! (#mindblown)Lucky for us, the city of Boston gives the gift of free parking to shoppers on Saturdays from Thanksgiving to Christmas. However, I must say that now that I know that there are CREDIT CARD meters in Boston, I would have not minded paying regardless of the rules! How fun!
Well, I took my family down for the second year in a row today, and it was absolutely wonderful. Both years I got the eggs benedict (you get to eat before you play with the gingerbread houses), and they did not disappoint. I probably should review this restaurant on the food menu, but I don’t have a full review. All I can say is that the raspberry stuffed french toast have been overdone every single year. What a way to ruin a classic.
As I was saying, the gingerbread making was wondeful. Take a look at some of our creations:
Original by: inaOne of my sisters-in-law actually gave up and didn’t finish a whole wall, so she got shamed by a waiter who walked up to our table to judge our final work! Burn!!!Other family members went ALL OUT (cheaters)This is the back of my house
Back of sister-in-law’s house
After brunch, we walked down to the Boston Common and watched the skaters at the Frog Pond. If there is one thing that is SO Boston that you have to do no matter what, is going to the Frog pond. We did not skate (look at that line!), but just being there was refreshing and got us into the holiday spirit like nothing else.
Frog Pond Ice SkatersMore skatersYou can see the Prudential and Hancock buildings in the background. Classic Boston.There was a spot on the floor with a sign that said “This is a good hug spot” — how romantic!This is a good HUG spot signLine to buy passes to ice skate.Rates for ice skating in the Frog PondThinking Frog by the Pond
I hope everyone enjoys the holiday season and find that one thing you get to do every single year. What a great time to start a new family tradition.
It is RARE when I rave about a restaurant (high standards, you know how it is), so perk up your ears (eyes?) because here’s one such occasion.
I came down to New Jersey (from Boston, where I live) to be there for my parents as they took the final step towards becoming American citizens. Now we are one big happy gringo family (thank you thank you, we are excited, too). Such a momentous occasion deserved a nice dinner celebration. And when I say “nice” I mean the kind of “nice” when people say “I’m going to take her to a nice restaurant.” Yeah, THAT kind of nice.
The Bonefish Grill was everything we hoped for and more. I must say that I was abit skeptical at first. I mean, this is a fish restaurant and I am mostly a meat lover. One look at the menu, and I thought “well, this will do, I guess.” The entire experience ended up being SO divine that I decided to not only rate my own dinner, but also my parents and grandmother’s dinner, the decor and the extra stuff (extra stuff? what could that be? keep reading!). Ready? Set. Go!
Décor: Romantic décorThe place looks like what a nice restaurant looks like. I’m sorry, I know I am overusing that word. Let’s find another one. Fancy? Elegant? Superb? Ooh, I like that one. The décor was superb. The lighting was dim, perfect for a romantic evening (or for any other evening that you wanted to make extra special). The elegant metal fish on the back wall almost made you forget that there was a whole section on the other side of the restaurant that had booths in it (the implication being that booths do not equal fancy, but it did not matter from where we were sitting).
Bread with pestoThe Bread
I’m not going to say this was the best bread I’ve ever had, but I can’t say it’s the worst (for a pretty bad review of bread, see my Rosie O’Grady’s review). It was actually on the “better” side. The pesto dip was definitely a unique twist on the popular appetizer (delicious, too!). I won’t rave, but it gets my thumbs up.
Rainbow TroutMom’s dish: Rainbow Trout $17.30 Sides: grilled asparagus, and vegetable of the day: spaghetti squash with honey and ginger glaze and a bit of brown sugar topping.
My mother’s assessment: “Can’t go wrong with trout… or asparagus!”
I tried it myself off her plate, and I thought it was a bit… “blocky.” It was quite dense, not very tender. This might be a quality of trout rather than Bonefish’s cooking, so I’ll leave that with you.
As for the vegetable of the day, every single one of us left it on our plates. I am a huge fan of sweetened squash, so I was surprised. It was just not as delicious as butternut squash with maple syrup, which I would consider to be spaghetti-squash-with-honey-and-ginger-glaze’s better-looking younger sister. Just didn’t compare.
Chilean Sea BassDad’s dish: Chilean Sea Bass 6oz $23.90 Sauce: Mango salsa | Sides: Veg medley | App: House Caesar
My father’s assessment: “I should have gone with a different sauce. This is good for trout, but not sea bass.”
I did get a chance to try the salad, and it was alright. Not bad, but not anything to write a blog post about.
Steak topped with Lobster ThermidorGrandma’s dish: (Special) Steak topped with Lobster Thermidor $16.90 Description from the website: “A passionate tale of forbidden love – so steamy, so indulgent, that it can only be expressed with a 6 oz wood-grilled sirloin and sweet lobster, lump crab, a velvety sauce with a hint of sherry, and garlic whipped potatoes. Or maybe it was a filet for +$6? Either way.”
My grandmother’s assessment: “the lobster was a joke, but good overall.” That’s translated from Spanish, so what she meant was that it wasn’t nearly enough. I guess she was expecting a whole lobster! She seemed to like it, though.
Sea Scallops and Shrimpina’s dish: Sea Scallops and Shrimp $17.30 Sauce: Lemon Butter | Sides: Garlic Whipped Potatoes and vegetable of the day
I am going to tell you right now: out of all the dishes in front of me that night, I did not envy anybody else’s choice over mine at ALL. I definitely got the best of them all. The shrimp was cooked to perfection. You know how frozen shrimp is chewy when you warm it up? Not so here! Perfect scallops, perfect shrimp, and I am VERY HAPPY to have gone with the lemon butter sauce. I was thinking of mango, but I’m glad I changed my mind. Come to think of it, if I ever went back to the Bonefish Grill, I would probably get the same thing.
Still, did not eat the spaghetti squash.
Warm chocolate brownieDessert: Warm chocolate brownie with vanilla ice cream and raspberry sauce
You know how brownies are sometimes plagued by those pesky nuts? Well, not so here! The nuts were ON TOP of the brownie! Which means that I was able to enjoy every single bite. The brownie was warm, and it had a thing layer of chocolate topping (it was too soft to be frosting, but too hard to just be syrup). The entire thing was just amazing.
Opinionated CoasterThe “extra” stuff:
Can you believe this super duper fancy place had hashtags for you to share your experience on twitter??? Oh yeah, I was ALL over that.
“#bfgcoasters: if you this a Bonefish Grill Coaster, what would you say?” My tweet:
That was our unbelievable experience at the Bonefish Grill. And now, for the truly tacky finale, brought to you by the never-wasters, my mother and grandmother:
Rosie O’Grady’s rosieogradys.com
800 7th Avenue
(7th Ave & 52nd St)
New York, NY 10019 (map)
Survey Says: High price for ‘eh’ quality
ina in NYC 2013My parents, my grandmother, and I were in New York City for just enough time to visit a friend, have lunch and go back home to southern New Jersey (suburb of Philadelphia, where my folks live). As the foreigners/immigrants we are, it would have been a complete waste to have been in New York City without seeing Times Square. It would have been like… heck, there is no good analogy for this: it would have been like being in New York City and NOT seeing Times Square!
So, after much Google searching for restaurants near the iconic tourist location, we settled on a restaurant called Rosie O’Grady’s in the corner of 7th Avenue and 52nd Street.
Rosie’s is an irish pub that is up a level from a Molly Malone’s. This is the Target to Molly Malone’s Wal-mart. It has a full menu (including filet mignon), and a pub atmosphere. We had high hopes.
I ordered the filet mignon (I must confess my Google search centered around “steak”), while my parents ordered fish. Here’s the low down of our experience:
The bread was cold and stale (or at the very least you could tell it had been sitting out all day), and the butter was also cold.
The shrimp cocktail appetizer tasted exactly like the precooked frozen shrimp I buy at the store and then warm up at home. You can tell shrimp came from frozen because they are chewy, like octopus.
The filet mignon was undercooked despite my having ordered it medium, but I decided to overlook this considering I was having my steak.
The presentation left much to be desired. My meal was $30 for the steak alone, and I was expecting a presentation deserving of the extra cash.
The first limonade the waiter brought for me had a fruit fly floating in it (I would have said swimming, but I’m pretty sure the darn thing was dead)
Due to this incident, the waiter (Marco, from Ecuador, very nice) decided to spot us dessert. We got a free apple pie (which looked like it had been made last week) with ice cream. It did not hit the spot, I must say.
In the end, I don’t think I would go back. Normally I would just say this on principle alone, it is New York City after all and it deserves to be explored. But this time I must say my reasons are reduced to a simple word: “quality.”
Also, let me leave you with a bit of an anecdote. On our way out, I noticed that the hostess was having her lunch (or early dinner?) right by the main entrance. I figured if she wanted privacy she would have eaten all the way in the back (wrong assumption), and I decided to be rude and interrupt her meal (please note that I do know -NOW- that this is the WRONG thing to do to someone who probably has the crappiest job in the world). You see, the curiosity hit me when I saw her eating food from the restaurant, and I wanted to ask her what her favorite dish was. So I did (again, I’m SORRY).
She immediately got up, without looking at me, grabbed a menu, and pointed at the Lobster Ravioli. I smiled a lot and thanked her (and apologized) profusely, but she looked like she was trying to mask a level of annoyance never seen before. She never spoke a word. I immediately felt bad and had a thought: she probably gets bothered by foreigners/tourists ALL THE TIME. What can I say, the language barrier alone makes it difficult to communicate, let alone cultural differences. This woman was ON HER BREAK, and this stupidly culturally-inept person (with an accent, mind you) was interruption her break to ask her a completly inane question that did not matter at all because that person (me) had already decided never to come back to this restaurant again.
Over the last few weeks I have indulged in a comedian book binge. It all started when I read Bossypantsby Tina Fey a couple of years ago, four times in a row.
Parenthesis: The Audiobook Defense
I feel the need to make a quick stop here and say that my husband would like me to clarify that I did not actually READ these books, but had the author read them to me via audible.com. Somehow I do not get reading credit for audiobooks, even though I firmly believe they are a better way to experience a biography or memoir as long as it is read by the author themself. You see, it’s not like I am having Macbeth read to me by some random dude with a booming voice just because I’m too lazy to read (which, admittedly, I would totally do). When an entertainer writes something, it is a disservice to you as the “reader” to not have them read it to you in their own voice.
There are many neat perks to listening to an audiobook instead of reading the book. Here are a few:
You can hear the author make adjustments to the writing just because it’s an audiobook. For example, they can’t say “as you read these pages,” instead, they change it to “as you listen to this audiobook.” This reminds you that the person reading to you is not just reading verbatim, but instead it gives the effect that they are talking to you.
The performer/author/reader injects the actual intended tone to the writing. You won’t know what I mean until you hear Tina Fey impersonating Lorne Michaels’s slow low timbre, or Rachel Dratch making alien voices to her agent on the phone, or Kathy Griffin actually saying “um” in the middle of a sentence (unless you are reading along with her, it would be impossible for you to know whether she’s actually reading or if she lifted her eyes from the page to tell you the story as she remembered it).
Audiobooks don’t require you to find a quiet spot to read them, or to find the motivation to pick up the book when you should be cleaning the kitchen instead. They are actually handy to have when you are driving to/from work, waiting in line, or taking a shower (yes, I have a bluetooth water resistant speaker that I hook up to my phone and bring into the shower to listen to my shows).
I may not get “reader” credit, but I definitely WIN in the “drawing entertainment from books” category.
End parenthesis
As I was saying, I have been binging on books written by comedians, and it all started with Tina Fey’s book. I downloaded it when I went back to work after having a baby a couple of years ago as a means to give me that uplifting talk I needed to get back into the swing of work. I liked it so much that I listened to it over and over again. Then a couple of months ago, in a lull of good audible material, I decided to re-listen to it and it got me curious about comedians in general. Here were my findings, in order from BEST to WORST.
Before you sit down to read (ok ok ok, before you take a drive with this audiobook), you should be at least somewhat aware of the humongous powerhouse that this woman represents in the entertainment industry. What’s that? You’re not aware of this? Have you been living in a shoebox for the past 10 years?
For the purposes of this review, here’s the 411 on Ms Fey: first ever woman head writer to Saturday Night Live and to man the Weekend Update desk (no pun intended), head writer/exec producer/star of the hugely popular sitcom 30 Rock (100% her brainchild), brilliant impersonator of 2008 VP candidate Sarah Palin, accomplished screenwriter of the incredibly funny movie “Mean Girls” and star of many other comedies. You can find her on Twitter at @TinaFey123, but she only posted 7 tweets the day she joined (5/27/2009) and never posted anything again.
You’re up to date now. You’re welcome.
In this book, Ms Fey walks you through her childhood as a precocious teenager, wise beyond her years (no matter how much of a dork she will have you believe she was). She was insightful, compassionate (although not very patient), and most of all confident. She took risks in her life and career choices as if nothing was ever going to go wrong.
So, where does one get such drive? She spends a whole chapter talking about the most important authority figure in her life: her father, and I firmly believe he had a lot to do with this. With a strong male presence in her life, Ms Fey grew up knowing that failure was not an option; not because she was afraid (which she probably was), but because she was wired this way. In her mind, you do or do not, there is no “try” (there’s your Star Wars reference, Ms Fey).
As you dive deeper into this book, you can’t help but get filled with ambition, hope, and the assertion that women can do and be many things all at once. To channel the feeling, I can say: I’m the boss, I’m mommy, I’m really busy, I’m so tired, I need to spend 5 more minutes in the car when I get home before I go in, I totally should hire help because I can’t do it all, I want my son to fear my wrath, I want my son to love me, I enjoy pedicures and manicures, I love my husband, I enjoy doing my hair before I go to work in the morning, I look good in make-up, I deserve a good salary for what I do, I don’t NEED my husband’s help but I sure want him to WANT to help, I will go out to do something new with my girlfriends, I love taking my son out for waffles. I can keep going and going, but I hope you get the point: Ms Fey makes you feel like this is the way life is supposed to be: complicated. You love, you hate, you want, you need, you don’t want, you don’t need, you demand, you regret, you give. That is life. Being a celebrity has nothing to do with this book, it’s all about work as an integral and fulfilling part of life, not an unavoidable burden. On the other hand, her impression of Sylvester Stallone is definitely worth the listen.
Mindy Kaling got her big break as the only woman writer in the successful sitcom The Office (American version) and moved onto create her own show, the hilarious The Mindy Project. You can find her on twitter at @MindyKaling, and she’s HILARIOUS. She posts all the time!
I’ll start by saying I love Mindy. I won’t call her Ms Kaling because she’s so close to my age (she-34, me-32) that I think we could actually be friends in real life. However, this review is not all Xs and Os. I have to admit that I seriously considered stopping the “tape” half way through the first chapter because I did not know if I could stand her voice for a whole 4.5 hours. Oh my goodness, her voice can seriously be piercing. She also speaks very fast, so the piercing tone plus the lack of enunciation made for a painful listen at first. Fortunately, it grew on me and I was able to continue (after I made myself do it).
One of the best moments in the book, which makes it stand apart from all the rest, was when I heard Mindy say “I’m sorry I’m not obsessed with 60s, 70s, 80s comedy, […] or obsessed with Caddy Shack.” O.M.G. THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. This was the moment when I realized I was listening to someone who is MY AGE. Perhaps it is her youth and inexperience that made her voice be so mumbled and shrieky. If you listen to everyone else’s book (that’s being reviewed here) you can hear them say each word individually, and pronounce every single syllable. Sorry, Mindy, I love you much, but you could have used some book reading lessons. Anyways, I still thought that listening to someone who was so close to me in longevity of life experiences was a huge selling point that stayed with me through the rest of the book.
Putting that aside, I found Mindy’s book refreshingly honest. I loved her stories from high school and the way she explained how she got her start and big break in show business. It was in enough detail to understand, but general enough to keep the book moving. I couldn’t help but love her a little bit more every time she mentioned food (I happen to have an oral fixation I can’t shake, and food is my friend), or being star struck, or how she gets easily distracted. I couldn’t help but feeling like I was there with her and we could be chatting together like old friends. I saw myself in her New York apartment, lounging on the futon with Judge something-or-other on TV, laptops on our laps, and bonding over our favorite cupcake and ice cream flavors.
Mindy has a kind of confidence that I completely relate to. She said that she had spent so much time among tall white girls that, by the time she graduated college, she “carried [herself] with the confidence of a tall person. It’s all in the head. It works out.” I completely relate to this thought. Once I made it to college and people stopped making fun of my height, I started to forget that it mattered. Guys wanted to date me, my girlfriends were just a couple of inches taller than I was, and my height stopped being an issue. To this day, when someone makes fun of my height, it hits a button that has not been touched since 5th grade and I must say it does hurt. It’s like a door that I lost the key to, and all of the sudden someone managed to open it just enough for me to sneak a peak into it. Once the door is shut again, I’m as tall as everyone else. Mindy’s confidence reminded me that it IS all in the head.
The style of the book is in short essays, and it made me realize that writing my own memoir doesn’t have to be a continuous story, it can just be chapters to explain my thoughts on different topics. Mindy has many such chapters, and each one is as funny and memorable as the next. Reading this book is like hanging out with a good friend. Not the kind of friend that we have as adults, but the kind of friend we have in school, where we talk on the phone every day for hours, where we pass notes in class, and where we seek each other’s opinion on everything that matters. I miss those friendships, and I have the feeling Mindy manages to still have this type of relationships in her life. After reading her book, I want to be her middle school friend.
Kathy Griffin got her start as a stand up comedian who got her big break when she got cast to play the funny sidekick in the primetime NBC sitcom Suddenly Susan opposite Brooke Shields. She then got her own reality show, which followed her as a D-List celebrity trying to make it in Hollywood called Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, for which she has earned multiple Emmys. She does HBO stand up comedy specials and still tours the country (and visits troups in war zones). She’s an avid “twatter” at @KathyGriffin.
I have been watching Ms Griffin ever since I saw her stand-up act on TV. I had no idea who she was, but I thought I remembered her from TV (she had made appearances on Seinfeld and other shows), and I just happened to find her particular style of humour appealing. Ok, I’ll say it, I enjoy celebrity gossip, ok? Since that’s what her act is made of, it was a match made in Heaven!
Her book is many things at once: funny, introspective, honest. Much like her act. She gets pretty personal and raw in a full confessional about her alleged child molestor brother, Kenny. He never molested her per se, but she was the only one who cut all ties with him as soon as she found out what he was up to. He ended up dying at some point, and the whole story is quite depressing, but I’m sure many people will relate to it. Perhaps not relate to the exact details of the story, but with the cathartic effect of putting it out there and talking about such a difficult topic out loud. You might not think it’s that big a deal (after all, she did not get physically hurt by Kenny), but when you realize that she is a HUMAN person with family and friends, and saying things like these in the public light will cause people to react, you might start to get how brave it was of her to share her story.
She also gets very personal about her sister-like relationship with Brooke Shields, and how much she looked up to her, and how she got to see her real side. The parts of the book where she talks about Brooke actually make me like Brooke Shields a lot more than I did. I was under the mistaken impression that Ms Griffin was the ugly duckling reject of the Suddenly Susan cast, when in reality she was the glue. She was friends with everyone, although she would not put it in those terms (as I’m sure she pissed enough people off along the way). The bottom line was: she was a hard worker, she cared about her peers, and she loved being on that show. From the start she has been completely sober (no alcohol, no drugs, no NOTHING), she shows up to work on time, and she does not reject a job. I’ve always admired that in someone who doesn’t have it easy: when they are down in the dumps, they will not complain or blame anybody else; they take full responsibility and ownership of their situation and work hard to get out from the bottom.
Along the same lines, you would be surprised at all the incredibly ballsy and creative ways she managed to kickstart her career more than once. Every single time it was all based on her knowing her strengths and putting them to work. She did not have it easy, but never gave up. Right there where you see her, making fun of other people for a living, she has much more integrity than any druggie alcoholic actor that makes $20M per film and shows up late every day. Ms Griffin is a professional, and you want to root for her and see her succeed. If there’s anybody who deserves it is her.
Rachel Dratch got her fame from being a cast member in Saturday Night Live for 7 years. You might remember her as Debbie Downer, a character she made famous in her third season on the show. She also made guest appearances in 30 Rock alongside Tina Fey, not to be seen or heard from since. You can follow her at @TheRealDratch. I didn’t know she was on, so I just started following her myself.
This was probably the strangest book I “read.” Rachel is an absolutely delightful, funny, and likable actress of whom I would definitely like to see more. But, for some reason, she’s not getting good offers. That’s how the book begins: her agent calls her up and offers her such outlandish day jobs that Rachel has no choice but to decline.
I’m going to stop right here and tell you something. I firmly believe Ms Dratch has the talent and contacts to make it in comedies in Hollywood. What I’m not so convinced she has is the smarts. Not that she’s not smart, she did go to an IV league college and is lucid enough to put this book together and to tell a compelling story. However, she does not seem to have the kind of drive that Ms Fey has when she wakes up in the morning. You know what Ms Fey did WHILE she was working a full time job at SNL? Write, produce and cast a pilot for a new show, AND had a baby. What did Rachel do? Go out partying, and claim she’s too busy for even a relationship. I know this might not be a fully fair assessment. After all, I already mentioned what a powerhouse Ms Fey is, and she is most certainly one of a kind. All I’m saying is that nowhere in Ms Dratch’s book she mentions even the possibility of creating her own roles and writing her own parts. That was one of the biggest take-aways from Ms Fey’s book: “if you want a part, you’ll have to write it yourself.” Ms Dratch seems to have missed that memo. (Edit: after posting this I re-read this and realized it was a bit harsh. Everyone is different, and I may have been projecting feelings of inadequacy on Ms Dratch. I still admire her a whole ton, and I guess she would just write her own stuff so I can see her on TV more. I miss her.)
That was my rant. Now that I’ve made my point, I can tell you that Ms Dratch’s story is quite the guilty pleasure to listen to. She talks about her experiences at SNL, and explains her involvement in 30 Rock. Originally Ms Dratch was cast in the role of Jenna, the high-maintenance star of the fictional show within the sitcom, but was later replaced by “leggy and blond” (to quote Ms Fey) Jane Krakowski. Now, I must confess that as much as I love the 30 Rock show, I have always found Jane (as Jenna) to be the most annoying character of all. I have to say that I would have loved to see a version of the show where the star was Ms Dratch. She is much more normal looking, she has ACTUALLY been a star in a late-night live TV show, and she actually has a great comedic talent. I would have loved to see her as a diva. Apparently this was not to be. Networks wanted someone who was better looking and more conventionally talented. Had I known this at the time of casting, I would have definitely written a very stern tweet in protest. Perhaps I still will.
Ms Dratch’s experiences in show business are quite entertaining, and then she moves on to talk about dating. It is quite sad to see her strike out so much, and I actually stopped thinking of her as an incredibly talented woman, and started to see her more as a pathetic creature who can’t scare up a date. Perhaps that says more about me and how judgmental I am, rather than her real character. It was just so painful to see her go out with such losers, cannibals, and substance abusers. I would hate to think that I’m just an evil witch who looks down on anyone without a boyfriend by the age of 43, so I’m just going to say that Ms Dratch did nothing to elevate my confidence in her. She was so self-deprecating that I actually started to believe it. It was just so sad to see her wait for love and see nothing come of it.
I did say a bit earlier that she’s a comic genius, right? Well, if I didn’t use those words, I meant to. Her style of writing was actually quite creative. She didn’t just tell you her story, she verbally illustrated it in such a way that you felt you were watching an episode of Ally McBeal. You know how in that show Ally would have hallucinations? That’s what I like to call them, but it was more like daydreams where she would picture something impossible happening. Like if she wanted the Earth to swallow her, you would see the floor open up a hole and taking her down with it on the screen. That’s how Ms Dratch narrates her story. She makes sure that every action and thought is illustrated by how it felt. It was quite amusing and very enteraining to read. I’m glad she wrote this book, and I’ll probably “read” it again.
I know Jay Mohr from the movies Picture Perfect and Jerry Maguire. What I didn’t know was that he was a cast member of SNL back in 1993. Can’t blame me, SNL was not televised in Venezuela, and I only heard of it for the first time in my life in 1999. Now, Jay hosts a podcast called Mohr Stories. Twitter: @JayMohr37.
Mr Mohr starts out this book by saying that it’s no wonder there is no tell-all book about SNL out there, the experience is just so depressing that nobody wants to have to recount it. That’s in the first few lines of the book. You know when they tell you that if you are doing stand-up you should not tell your audience that you’re not funny, because they will believe you and not laugh? I think that’s what happened here. I believed him. His story was going to be depressing.
Mr Mohr spends the entire book pretty much recounting his unbearable experience at SNL. I understand that the show is quite cut-throat, and people can be real prima donnas and the whole system may be run by characters who are great on TV but quite inept when it comes to personal relationships. Heck, I would NOT want to work at SNL. They really couldn’t pay me enough to work there. Ok, perhaps that is a lie. If someone offered me a job as a writer or performer, I probably would accept for the experience alone. Huh… I think we just got to the bottom of the situation: SNL is an offer you cannot refuse. Even Mindy’s recount of her week at SNL is excruciating. There is so much pressure to perform, and by the time you get there it feels like you made it to home room 5 minutes too late and everyone has already paired up to do the next assignment. Terrible feeling if I remember correctly.
The point is that SNL is the best for people who already got the hang of it. Newbies? Unless there is a charitable soul who is willing to take you under their wing, you are screwed. Sink or swim situation. Well, I’m sorry to say that our good friend Mr Mohr, who wrote a book about it, sank. To the bottom. Never to come back up.
Actually that is not true. He did come back up. He starred in one movie with Jennifer Aniston, whom he has recounted so many times that he did NOT get along with. Apparently Jennifer was quite upset that they didn’t pick someone else who had auditioned for the role, and she never quite warmed up to Mr Mohr. He’s still talking about it on his podcast any chance he gets.
That’s another thing, I have listened to his podcast, and I don’t consider him to be a particularly talented interviewer (sorry Jay, I like you, but your style is hard to swallow). Perhaps he does good stand-up (I have never youtubed one of his shows), but really I cannot figure out what he sees in show business. It seems to me that he’s trying to hold on, but he does not have the stomach to make it happen.
If SNL is like high school, which I have heard it is, our friend Mr Mohr peaked in it. Mindy said it best: “don’t peak in high school” and Mr Mohr’s book reads too much like that’s exactly what he did. His career was left back in the dust in the 90s, and it’s just trying to survive.
I just noticed I haven’t said much about the book. Well, I guess I enjoyed the parts where he recounted the play-by-play of his interactions with other cast members like Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler and Chris Farley… but that’s because, as I mentioned, I enjoy the occasional celebrity gossip. The rest is Mr Mohr jumping into panic attacks, struggling to survive week by week, drinking too much, missing the Goodbyes just because he wasn’t in the show at all, and how the whole SNL system is messed up. Ms Fey said it best: “Saturday Night Live runs on a combustion engine of ambition and disappointment.” Every week someone will whine and cry because they didn’t make it on the show that week, but everyone has to get up on Monday morning and start all over again. Seems to me like Mr Mohr never learned how to play with others in this zero-sum game, and ended up quite bitter.
Final thoughts…
In conclusion, I thoroughly enjoyed every single one of these audiobooks. Some were more uplifting than others, but I was glad I “read” them. I feel like I must tell you about the most significant similarities among these books:
Food: Mindy, Ms Fey and Ms Griffin all talked about their obsession with food. Ms Dratch was the only one who did not discuss food, however she did mention enjoying wine quite a bit. So I have reached the conclusion that in the absence of alcohol, food reigns.
“White obedient girls”: As much as Ms Griffin would like to think she was a rebel, the truth of the matter was that she was a white obedient girl. That’s exactly the words that Ms Fey used to describe herself. Considering that Mindy is Indian, I can’t say she’s white, but she did grow up in the whitest of neighborhoods and went to the whitest colleges, and had the whitest friends… so, perhaps being a white obedient girl applies to her as well. Put Ms Dratch in the mix, too. The conclusion I’m trying to draw here is that these women became incredibly successful in show business based on their smarts and business savvy, and not on sensationalistic accounts of their being difficult, alcoholics, or tabloid candy. Go smart women go!
Supportive parents: all our ladies had incredibly supportive parents. Need I beat that dead horse? Think not.
No real adversity: once you read these accounts, you’ll notice that our leading ladies had pretty normal upbringings. No dreadful tragedies, no running away from home, no abusive parents, no real adversity to overcome. This just makes me think that the happier I can make my home for my child, the more likely he will be to succeed.
I intentionally left out Mr Mohr’s book from this final thought, because, as I said, this was just a sad recount of his time at SNL… not a real memoir, so I didn’t really get to know him very well.
And with that, I leave you. Hope you will pick some of these up if you are curious!
Here’s the deal… Last night I was all alone at my mother’s house and decided to have some contact with the outside world by recording a phonecast. Now, I do not believe this 8 minute jewel will be winning me a Pulizter price any time soon, so I did not include it in the regular lineup of podcasts (i.e. You will not see this on iTunes)… But I thought I’d share anyway. Here you go!
I went out for drinks and some good old Irish pub food tonight, with the purpose to catch up with a good friend. I wasn’t planning on driving, so I indulged in about 4 ounces of a certain potent potable, effects under which I still find myself.
My arms feel heavy and my legs and face feel numb. Did I mention I only had ONE drink? I had a dirty martini (gin, not vodka) with 3 olives. As my friend talked about how he met his wife (story I had not heard to-date), I started to feel my attention span deteriorate. I found myself joyfully singing along to the song that was currently playing (country station; super awesome), and I sensed myself starting to fade. I changed the topic… often. I brought up card counting, a study which determined that babies after 5yrs old are no longer cute, and maybe some other weird things. My friend seemed to enjoy this other side of me (the drunken-thoughts bizarro ina doesn’t get out much).
I do have to say that, as someone who doesn’t drink at all, doing this is a bit fun every so often (when the timing works and you’re surrounded by people you trust). Everything seemed more interesting, people seemed better looking, and you do start to feel like everyone likes you a bit more. I do get why people like the feeling of getting drunk. I really do.
Wow, couple this with a career in blackjack and card counting, and you got yourself a winner!
This begs a much higher question: if you were Neo in the matrix, would you have taken the blue pill or the red pill? I don’t remember which one’s which, but I do know I’ve always favored the idea of staying in the matrix. I’m sure there are psychologists out there who would analyze this in some way to make me look like I have a reality detachment syndrome of some kind (or at least the potential for developing one), but this is actually a question I ask myself with certain frequency. Or maybe not ask myself as much as use as a check-in with myself to see if I still feel this way. The answer is always yes. Keep me in the matrix. Ignorance is bliss.
Have you ever heard of addictive personalities? I’ve always thought I got one of those. I do have the feeling that if I tried a drug, I’d get hooked to the detachment from reality. That if I didn’t keep myself in a hard-rule driven universe where I can only drink once every N months, and where I need to make sure I’ve got a ride home, and that I’ll be around people who wouldn’t let me do anything stupid, I would without a doubt fall into the fantasy of it all.
Perhaps this is why I always try to keep my mind occupied. That’s my escape: moving, podcasting, working, visiting relatives, getting together with friends, etc. But what’s the difference between this escape and other kinds of escape that are more “destructive”? I can only think of one reason to choose one over the other: the effect on those around you. Guess what: you may think your life is worth nothing more than a grain of sand is worth it to the shore, but others around you actually do care about what you do. How many lives have been ruined and how many people have been hurt by a single person’s destructive habits? Too many.
Think about it this way: next time you walk down a busy street, or take the T somewhere, I want you to look around. Spend 2 seconds (no more, no less) studying each face of those around you. Then ask yourself: do you think the world cares about what this person does with their life? (if the answer is ever “yes” then you’re not cynical enough to be reading this blog, so you might be better served by moving onto YouTubing kitties and fainting goats) Then turn the question around on yourself. Why would you be any different? Now, pretend one of those people had 2 kids with them, and they are being mean, hitting them, verbally abusing them, and/or simply ignoring them. Now pretend those two kids are going to grow up to become the Boston marathon bombing brothers. Wouldn’t you feel like getting off your seat and slapping them across the head and telling them to watch how they are raising their kids? Now turn that around on yourself. What you do matters! It’s a whole ripple effect that you can’t even fathom. Think about it.
Drink responsibly. People care about what you do.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be going home and spend time with my super duper husband.
I told my friend Robin (episode 10) that I could feel myself gaining weight. She suggested I kept track of the things I eat. Eventually, I’d start changing my ways. I thought that was a great idea! So I did it for 3 days, and did NOT like what I saw. Here’s what those 3 days looked like:
So I started tracking my meals for REAL using the MyFitnessPal.com and I’m loving it! I am actually withholding big meals so I can have one later and not run out of calories too early in the day. I’m not getting paid for endorsing it, I’m just saying it’s worked for the past 3 days! Love it!!!
I got to take a little trip to Washington DC with my little dude. He’s 16 months old now, and he’s just an awesome date. I can take him ANYWHERE. He had the best time at Lincoln Memorial walking around, and he came THIS CLOSE to jumping into the reflecting pool.
The place was full of tourists who were in town for Obama’s inauguration. We didn’t stay for it, but it was exciting to be at that place at that time.
A couple of weird things happened on this trip. First of all, I ran into someone from my old job on the flight back to Boston. Second of all, and this has never happend to me EVER before, I got seated next to the SAME PERSON I was sitting next to on the way there. It was the weirdest thing in the world. Especially because I got to know her name on the first flight, so I got to say “Molly?!” when I saw her the second time!
I did want to give a shout out to this breakfast place my friends took us to. It was AMAZING. Every kind of bagel. Every kind of spread. Fresh squeezed orange juice. YUM. If you are ever on the Virginia side, you should give it a try. You will NOT be disappointed.
I also made sure to get a little business done. I had the chance to interview my friend Angie and her husband for my Valentine’s Day podcast! It’s going to be a GOOD ONE!!! And we even had time for hazelnut gelato!
Anyways, if you haven’t taken a trip out to Washington DC, it is totally worth it.
I headed out to the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston, to attend a classy event for the Big Sister Association of Greater Boston. It was a beautiful event sponsored by many local organizations, such as Partners Healthcare, TJX, Blue Cross Blue Shield, State Street, Fidelity, Liberty Mutual, Citizen’s Bank, Tufts Health Plan, and supported by The Boston Foundation and United Way.
[slideshow gallery_id=”1″]
My friend Ana, who has a pet sitting business (contact me if you need such services in the Boston area!), was kind enough to come with me, and we had a great time!
During the cocktail hour I had the opportunity to chat with many interesting people. It felt great being out and mingling with such wonderful people. I even got to speak to some of the Big and Little sisters that are part of the program, and they were just lovely. They were so positive, and the littles seemed so grown up! They appear to have as busy schedules as I do! And then… the music started, and we were in the middle of a bona-fide flash mob! Take a look:
After cocktails, we moved onto the dining hall and had a delicious dinner while we watched a few of the presenters do their thing. The president and chair of Big Sister managed to do a bidding-style fund raiser that accumulated $75,000 ON THE SPOT. It was very impressive! Even *I* got in the spirit and pitched in!
I must say the highlights of the night where a speech from the heart by Mr. Wayne Ashley, the father of 5 young ladies who all have Big Sisters. His story is one that is not uncommon in the Boston area: widowed father in need of help to raise his bright daughters. I have seen professionals perform poorly in comparison to Mr. Ashley’s heartfelt, moving and, yes, funny account of his family situation.
A close second was the account of Olympian Kayla Harrison, who shared with us the story of her darkest hours and how she determined to quit judo altogether, only to pick it back up and wind up winning a gold medal at the 2012 London Olympic Games all due to a valuable mentor who listened to her and guided her through the most difficult times of her life.
At the end of the night I saw our Martha Coakley, Attorney General of the state of Massachusetts, and her husband, Tom, waiting for their parking to get validated. I was going to say hi and keep moving, but Martha made me feel like my salutation was welcome, so I lingered. I was more excited than I care to admit. I was completely star struck, and I am sure I said so many things she has heard many times before. I explained how I just became a US Citizen, and I would have voted for her for sure, and how she met my husband when he was in 8th grade at some school outreach event, and how I was so very excited to meet her. I told her Thank You for everything you do for us.
I must say I was surprised at her warmth and openness. She kept complete eye contact with me (she has the most beautiful and hypnotizing blue eyes I have ever seen), and she commented on every single thing I threw at her. Congratulations on becoming a citizen, how sometimes Americans take that valuable right (to vote) for granted, what was my husband’s name? She must have been the DA and doing a school function when they met. She loves what she does and that is why she does it (in answer to my thanks).
She was also gracious enough to take a picture with me. She was so welcoming and warm. I cannot say enough good things about “Martta Cocklee” (as I like to call her in my Spanish accent).
I also gave her the honor of taking my very last business card, and I told her as much. She said she would cherish it 🙂
That was my incredible night at the museum. What a great cause, what a great way to spend a few hours on a Saturday night.
Last Friday I decided to let my hair down and go watch a few local bands play at the Cantab Lounge in Cambridge. I only made it there in time to see Arthur (the band) and, the band I came to see, Bitch Trifecta, in which Robin Melendez was playing (see Episode 10).
It was a fabulous time, and I even ended up making some new friends! So I put together a couple of fan videos. I thought they turned out ok, although the sound is not the best, but I attribute that to my phone not really being equipped to handle so much rock. I recommend you check out the music at the bands’ individual bandcamp sites, listed below:
Last weekend I ventured out to Marlborough to see my friend Robin Melendez (see Episode 10) perform her vocal stylings at her latest gig with the Arts Alliance of Hudson, MA. The Arts Alliance is performing their Series called “Ghosts, Spirits and Past Lives” and this Broadway Cabaret was part of it. Check it out here:
House Upon the Hill
I heard someone crying
It was a great time, and we all enjoyed singing along to our favorite Broadway tunes (Secret Garden, Phantom of the Opera and Les Mis, among them). We also got a kick out of the Silent Auction, and Christine Dunne (see Episode 9 and Episode 11) and I walked away with two pieces of local art! Check us out:
Tonight I decided to do something a little different. I have been dreaming about performing a comedy stand-up routine for years now, and I always found myself too busy or not ready to do it. This week I decided to bite the bullet and get it over with. As soon as I made the decision I came up with what would probably constitute 15 minutes worth of material. It just came rushing to me.
And so I headed for the Cantab Lounge in Cambridge and participated in their weekly open mic. It was a wonderful experience and I got to meet a lot of people who were so incredibly open and supportive. I would do this again for sure!
I felt my performance was actually pretty good for a first-timer, and thought that sharing it might not be such a bad thing. Here it is, for you. Enjoy.
ina
Cantab Lounge 738 Mass Ave, Cambridge, MA
Open Mic Schedule:
Wednesdays
Line begins to form at around 6:30pm
Doors open at 7:15. Sign in on a first-come, first-serve basis
Performances begin at 8pm. Visit the Poetry Slam Website | Like them on Facebook
Hello readers! (and by readers I mean, hi Mom… eh, who am I kidding, my mom doesn’t read this either)
I just wanted to update you on what has been going on in the wonderful world of Girls Talk Pod.
As you may have noticed, Girls Talk Pod is no more. My wonderful sister, Adri, went back to school (as a teacher) and realized that, oops, she really shouldn’t put so much of herself out there. You know how teachers can get fired for having a life outside of work. I completely understand and respect where she’s coming from, this just means that we won’t be doing podcasts together anymore (awww). At least now I know what was taking her so long to approve the first 4 episodes! Anyways, we wish her all the best and we know she’s going to continue to be an awesome teacher, even if we don’t get to hear about it (which I think is a shame — she’s REALLY good).
Having said that, I still think that our first 4 episodes had some AWESOME gold nuggets that are worth sharing. So, with Adri’s approval, I will post our conversations making sure that her image remains as neutral (or silent) as possible. Basically, I’ll edit out any comments or opinions, and leave in any time she goes “ooh” “aah” or “haha” 🙂 Trust me, you’ll still get a kick of the stories.
I’ll find some time to edit those soon. In the meantime, I have booked my first guest! Her name is Won Mee, and she works with me. She’s very funny and she’s very excited to join us next week. Stay tuned for that!
Ever wonder what the best way is to withdraw your job application, even after you have already sent out thank you notes and reinforced your interest for the position? Yeah, me too.
While we wait for divine inspiration to come up with the BEST way, this will hold you over for now.
Email to hiring manager to withdraw application AFTER onsite interview
Hello {hiring manager},
After much dicussion and mulling over the position at {company name} over the weekend, I have decided to no longer pursue the {position title} position.
It was really great meeting you and the team, and our interview was a very important step to come to this decision, which, I am confident, is the right decision for the both of us. I send you my deepest gratitude for your time and kindness through the process.
Best of luck finding a great candidate. I have no doubt you will find exactly what you are looking for.
Thanks again,
{you}
Email to recruiter to withdraw application BEFORE onsite interview
Hi {recruiter name},
We have an onsite interview set up for tomorrow afternoon. Unfortunately I have decided to no longer pursue the {position title} position at {company name}.
I’d like to send you my regrets for any inconvenience this may have caused. I do wish you all the best on your search for a great candidate for this position.
Thank you very much for all of your time and kindness. It was a pleasure meeting you.
Have a great week,
{you}
If you are a manager or a recruiter, I’d love to hear from you about how you think these would have been taken on the other side. Are they good enough?
I’m on the train commuting to work. My purse was way too full to fit my netbook in this morning, so I decided I would just do some phoning. I turned on Monday’s episode of WTF with Marc Maron and stared at my screen for something to do on my phone. Blank. Nothing to do? Unacceptable. Time to do some blogging. I turn off Marc and get to it.
The first line I wrote on this post was the Title “On Passion, ” and immediately regretted it. Who am I to speak in general terms about something so irigumbulous that it actually makes the world go round? (yes, I just made up a word). Passion is what makes smart people come up with smart stuff (you won’t find this definition on Merriam-Webster, so feel free to use me as the bibliographical source). A smart person’s passion is what makes them believe that something can be done while everybody else is saying “you’re crazy, it’s hopeless” or “it’s impossible” or “it’s been tried, and they all failed.” I guess I have always thought I’d be that kind of person: the idealistic kind that would throw it all away for her dreams. The problem is that common sense is getting in the way, and it’s making me reconsider the whole thing.
Enough with the abstract speak. This is what I’m talking about: I fell in love with programming when I was in high school and that is all I have wanted to do since then. The problem is that I am simply not as good as other people who have had fifteen years of sitting at a desk and cranking out code. Instead, I have gathered years and years of leadership skills. Now I am 31 and my career choices are starting to narrow.
It’s not like when I was 20 and I could do and be anything. Back then I was a tabula rasa. My mind was play dough: raw moldable potential. By now, my mind has taken the shape of a get-things-done leader. Try taking that sculpture that has been in the making for 10 years and ask the sculptor to now mold it into a programmer. Here’s the thing: clay doesn’t stay moldable forever. It dries out. For the sculptor to now turn it into something completely different, he’ll have to build on top of what was originally there. It will look off. It will have 3 arms and two brains (one inevitably bigger than the other). It will not look as perfect as someone who started out on the right path. It’s bulky, and it might not fit the requirements of the company who ordered its making. It’s garbage. If I were the requestor, I would ask myself: why deal with the bulk? Why not just get a much cheaper sculpture that is right out of college and ready to be molded?
I went back to metaphors, didn’t I? I guess what I’m trying to get at is that, regardless of what I choose to do with my career, I need to know that the past decade was not for naught, but I am having a very difficult time reconciling my love for writing code and my natural skills as a leader. As we speak I have 2 interviews for software engineering positions lined up, and I’m waiting for an interview to be set up for a management position in my current company. Two completely distinct paths. Not qualified vs Perfectly qualified. Unknown territory (and potentially halting) career path vs career in full bloom. Dream vs Reality.
There is no right answer here. I could decide to go full throttle for either path and I will be FINE. I will succeed. I will be happy with my choice (or at least at a delusional level until the internal conflict comes back because of a crappy manager or crappy assignment). There are no losers here.
On a side, but related, note, my friend Sarah sent me a link to an article that touches just on this point of passion. The main point is that passion is not something you “follow” but “cultivate” instead. It’s something that will happen if you manage to stick it out during bad times and continue to grow professionally. If you want to love your job, you’ll have to put in the work now on jobs you might not love.
So what do *I* have to say about passion? Here it is: if you are lucky enough to have made a career out of the thing you love most, then I got nothing for you. In fact, you most likely have some advice for me instead. But if you are like me, and your passion lies outside of your job, I would say to not let society define how you fulfill that part of your life. It doesn’t HAVE TO BE through your JOB (a lot of us simply cannot afford to anyway) . You can still spend a lot of time into your passion on the side. A lot of very successful people started out focusing on their passions part time and moved on to full time later in life. Some people actually manage to have both: a lucrative career they are great at and draw satisfaction from and a passion they spend time with on the side. To put it in perspective, remember that the vast majority of people never go after their dreams at all because they are too busy making life happen: Jobs, spouses, kids, houses. We spend time on those because they are important to us. Just remember that nobody is going to come to you saying “you have worked so hard for your family and it’s time for you to do what you really love now” and then hand you your dreams on a silver platter. I know we all secretly think we are going to be saved. Not gonna happen. Pick a path and save yourself.
I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed and I want to be done feeling sorry for myself. It’s time to write a cleansing blog post to get the ideas in order in my head.
Warning: despite the relative shortness of this post, it will be a BORING one. So you might want to spare yourself and use this time to google something that’s been on your mind instead, like “best quick chicken recipe” or “how can I donate to NPR when there are no fund drives going on” or “why does everybody hate LeBron James?” – I assure you these searches would be a much wiser use of your time.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here it goes: Houston, I have a problem. My problem is that I don’t know what my problem is, so I continue to put my finger on the wrong single possible causes. I know it’s not just one thing, and it’s definitely not a single SIMPLE thing.
The second step is to make a list of the clutter in my head. Perhaps this list hides within it the key to my current state. The first person to accurately spot that one gem will get a big prize! (In the form of a “screw you! You don’t even know me! What’s on YOUR list??” Yeah, I know, kinda hostile… sigh… I’m sorry dude or dudette… if you’ve read this far it means you might actually care about this, so I should have saved the insults for the assholes that stopped reading at the warning to google “how do I know when I’m not being a caring person?”). So here’s the list:
I am bored at work
I want to make time to learn industry software programming languages
I want to keep writing my story
I am currently feeling rejected by someone I know. This one actually takes a lot more of my brain CPU than I care to admit.
I can’t seem to stop eating desserts
I just took a long vacation but still don’t feel rested (as an aside, I should plan a vacation where the only items on the itinerary are to clean the house and take Baby G out for play dates)
Every weekend through August has been booked, including two away trips
I am bored at work
I am hungry all the time and want to snack all the time
My sleep schedule is all out of whack
I’m conflicted about continuing to breastfeed due to the time and interruption involved in pumping multiple times throughout the day, despite its irreplaceable benefits to Baby G
I have ideas for summer projects but I’m not actively pursuing any of them
When I get home all I want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV until I fall asleep in my work clothes and make-up and unbrushed teeth, like a bum (thanks to my hubby for rescuing me and making me get ready for bed every time)
I want chocolate. Yes, right now.
I like my new haircut, but my mood prevents me from truly enjoying it (I think we got a winner!)
(Pause to get off at Back Bay station, home of the 2 Dunkin Donuts, to buy a coffee cake muffin with which I proceeded to stuff my face while enduring judgmental looks from some skinny b*tch across the aisle. What do you know about my pain, lady??? — ok, I can definitely hear the hostility now)
I have the feeling I should be looking for a new job or at least looking for more website jobs, but I’m too downtrotten to do it
Part of me is stressed out over talking to my boss about my job. Truth is that I feel she doesn’t give me challenging assignments because she doesn’t think I can do them. How to phrase that in a non-confrontational way escapes the range of my diplomatic abilities.
I’m bothered about the fact that I don’t have Carrie Underwood’s voice (ok, this one just might actually take the cake)
I haven’t confessed or been to church in so long that I don’t think they’ll let me back in #CatholicNoFlyList
Time appears to continue rolling by without making any stops for me to figure stuff out (is that happening to everyone out there too, or is it just me?)
I’m sure I’m just scratching the surface here… I’m too close to the project to even recognize any themes. English majors wanted for analysis.
Next step: create a schedule that includes time to veg, time to write, time to do web stuff and time to learn something new. Mmm… that’s too much.
Take two: designate certain weeks for certain activities. This week will be web week (finish pending jobs and documentation). Next week can be writing week. The following week can be something else week. Ay, just thinking about it is giving me an ulcer. I just want to rest, man. Just rest.
Take three: REST is the word. Give myself permission to leave my mini laptop at home and just do nothing. Rest my mind. For… two weeks? Ok! So July will be the month to get stuff done! I will give myself permission to just make dinner and hang out with Baby G and clean up for the rest of the month!
Believe it or not, that plan still gives me an ulcer. It doesn’t address ANY of my worries!
I hate to start blogging again on such a down note, but I guess that’s what makes me want to write in the first place… so you’ll just have to deal with it, I guess.
I just met with a financial planner. Let me first start by saying that HE sought ME out through LinkedIn and set up the meeting with ME. My husband and I got our stuff together when it comes to finances, so I didn’t think I needed any advice. I mostly agreed because he sounded nice on the phone, and because last time I met with a financial adviser I ended up tracking my income/expenses which started the whole financial-savvy that I enjoy today. So nothing bad could really come out of this. Right? Wrong.
We talked about a few things, where he said we’d be working to meet my goals. Then he asked me to rank my priorities from most important to least important to me. I started from the bottom (the ones that I care the least about) and worked my way up. He asked me why I didn’t care so much about death provisions or long term disability provisions. I told him because the risk was low, and because if one of us were to go away, the other would certainly be able to figure out how to live within their means. He looked at me skeptically, so I asked him what that look was for. He said that it is not true that we would be “alright” if one of us went away. I asked him why he thought that, and he said that a single parent on a single person’s salary would not be able to afford the house we have, and would certainly not be able to save for college as well as for retirement. I told him I disagreed: if we had to, we could certainly live below our means, move to a smaller house, keep saving for retirement, and continue to have my father save up for our son’s college. It’s a matter of knowing how to live within your means. He said that I had no idea what I was talking about. I started to get defensive.
He said that what he was hearing from me was that if I were not around anymore, I would not mind my husband and son living in a shack somewhere with no electricity or running water. To which I responded: “nah… they can have electricity.” I was kind of joking. Then he asked about the life insurance, and I again told him that we get it from work, and it’s not our main priority. At this point I’m starting to wonder why he’s focusing on the things I care least about, and not the things I care most about. I mean, I thought we were supposed to align our plan with our goals…
So he said that unless we understood that we needed a $1MM life insurance policy on each other, he didn’t think we would be a good fit to work together.
Um… come again?
He said that health was THE foundation to financial planning, and if we didn’t see that, then there was no point in continuing the discussion. He said it nicer, but I knew what he meant.
I told him: “So I’m basically going to go home to my husband and tell him that I scared you off” — to which he made a face that translated into “yeah, basically.”
So he said we should have a conversation on the phone with Brian and see where to go from here. I was so crestfallen at that point that I looked like I had just been broken up with. Really. It was heartbreaking.
He shook my hand and said goodbye, but he stayed sitting and took out his smartphone. So I stood up… and left…
It was the saddest scene you’ve ever seen.
So… do I need a $1MM life insurance? I don’t think so… I feel like it’s a morbid way to reassure your future, and it is unnecessary. It’s like you are placing a big bet on your significant other kicking the bucket. I do NOT want to benefit from something as horrible as that. I can’t even imagine. It’s just too morbid it doesn’t feel right.
There is a reason why the entire world looked down upon banks who hedged their portfolios by creating products that would succeed if the housing market fell. If you look at it objectively, it is a solid business call. But if you really look at it, the bank is benefiting from the loss that affected millions of people! That’s how life insurance feels to me. I have a basic life insurance that would help my husband navigate the awfulness of the situation and be able to support his lifestyle until he can figure things out. But $1MM? I’m sorry, but that is excessive, unnecessary, and a jinx.
This post is actually making me feel better. Maybe I don’t want to work with that guy after all. Set up a meeting with him or not? I guess I don’t care much for it. They are hound dogs, those financial people, aren’t they? Pff. Keep your judgment for someone who needs it, buddy.
I have 20 days to lose 4 pounds. At a normal (for me) rate of weight loss of 1lb a week this seems like a doable task.
Considering that I tend to approach a nice skinny weight when I eat healthy, and that it takes daily doses of chocolate to maintain my weight, shedding pounds should be easier than it sounds. The trick is discipline and will power: if I stay away from chocolate AND add exercise to my week, I *will* lose weight. Can this seemingly impossible feat be done?
Let’s examine the evidence. This was my first week sticking to these rules. How did I do?
Exercise: power walked/jogged 1.2 miles in the morning, plus .7 miles in the evening. Every day except for Thursday: I was running late and couldn’t do the evening leg.
Breakfast: fruit, oatmeal, toast, and/or corn bread, in some combination every morning.
Lunch: turkey/cheese sandwhich on multi grain bread, or pasta with meat sauce. Except for the day I had Bertucci’s for a work lunch.
Dinner: toast, banana, with a small side of homemade Mac&cheese, or pesto tortellini.
No chocolate anywhere!!!!! We should be on our way 🙂
We still got the weekend to go. Sigh. We’ll see what happens.
The past few weeks have been a mixture of joyful moments (birthday, mother’s day) and low ones marked by a self-inflicted prolonged mini-depression. Self-inflicted in the fact that I *know* very well that eating excessive amounts of chocolate, muffins, donuts, coupled with an utter absence of exercise make my mood go all out of whack. As an update, I started exercising on Monday and eating small meals with snacks in between ONLY if I’m hungry. It has not helped my mood yet, but I’m optimistic I’ll feel better by the weekend.
As the title of this post indicates, I have TONS to say, but only a little of that I am willing or able to share. Mostly because it’s not all very interesting… but who am I to say what’s interesting to you or not? So here’s my brain dump. I’d be happy to elaborate on any topic upon request (of which I know I’ll get none). Heeeeere we go:
The Hunger Games is not as obsession-inviting a book as Twilight is
Credit: Daily Mail, UKThat woman who wrote the essay about other women hating her for being beautiful is getting all sorts of criticism MOSTLY geared at defining whether she is in fact beautiful or not. I think everyone is missing the point there. The point is that this is that woman’s experience, which is shared by other women. Nobody had ever told it from that point of view before and that is what makes it interesting. But what’s even more interesting is the world’s reaction to a woman speaking openly about her experiences as an attractive person. Whether you think she’s actually pretty or not is 100% irrelevant.
Lisa Lampanelli is a world class bully. Dayana Mendoza is smart, brave and extremely confident. Had she not been, Lisa would have torn her spirit to shreds, but Dayana is kind and above Lisa’s level by far.
Lena Dunham is my new girl crush, occupying the spot previously held by Tina Fey, who had debunked 3-year reigning queen Taylor Swift earlier this year.
Credit: Carolyn Cole, Los Angeles Times
I only like my job when I’m programming or learning new technical skills. “Vuelve el perro arrepentido… con su mirada tan tierna… con el ocico partido… y el rabo entre las piernas.” -El Chavo
My baby G is the most beautiful, easy-going, pleasant baby in the whole world. I love him more than anything.
Baby G
I’ve overbooked myself for the past several weeks. Need to take a sanity break.
I wish my husband and I got to spend more time together.
I am looking forward to taking a beach vacation in 3 weeks
I still marvel at the beauty of the city of Boston and can’t believe I get to live here and see it every day.
I love cool, honest people and I am not afraid to ask them out to dinner when I meet them. I’ve scored at 50% success rate with this (read as: 50% of the people I ask out end up sticking around and accepting more invitations to hang out)
No more 3D movies for me. The glasses are so annoying.
On that note, I went to see Titanic in the theater and I was as awestruck as the first time. Reminded me why theaters are so much better at making you feel you’re IN the movie, compared to watching at home with the lights on and your computer on your lap.
Credit: AP Photo/Paramount Pictures
I want Baby G to have a sibling to play with. But I’m not ready yet. I keep telling myself that is ok but I feel a lot of pressure to feel differently.
I am happy that hubby has decided to go to bed early and wake up early. We had breakfast together today 🙂 I made him bacon 🙂
I think President Obama did an outstanding job with what he had. Congress party rivalries are no picnic.
I’m on the lookout for novels that have the potential to inspire me to get off my bum and do great things. I take suggestions. No scifi please.
I have been thinking about how I can use my skills to improve operations at work, and it is killing me that I don’t have the courage to speak up.
Go Clay Aiken! (Celebrity Apprentice)
That’s all for now… Have a great “Viernes chiquito”!
As I sit on the train on my way to work this Monday morning, I can’t help but feel a certain level of anxiety about my birthday. Today I turn 31 years old.
The source of my apprehension does not come from the usual place of uncertainty towards my future, regrets about my past, or concerns about the dwindling amount of time and consequent reduction of options ahead of me. My anxiety stems from the fact that, unlike all the other 364 days of the year (365 on leap years), today I will be given attention that I did not seek out, request, or even earned.
Admittedly, I spend a considerable amount of time dwelling about how little time my heart believes my family and friends spend thinking of me. This is an unhealthy way to live, to say the least, but it comes from childhood experiences that time cannot erase. In this situation, awareness is my friend: I know I am an insecure person. I just hope I am getting better and better every day at focusing my energies inward as opposed to seeking approval from external sources. I can only hope.
So what does this have to do with my birthday? In one sentence, I can summarize my feelings as: I got their attention… and I still don’t feel complete. In more than one sentence: I spend my whole year trying to impress, and once a year I get a bit of what I think I want, and it turns out that it is not what I need at all. The love is genuine, but my heart doesn’t soak it in. My broken heart continues to believe it does not deserve it.
As I was writing that very sad thought on my blackberry as I walked out of the train, a large man bumped me on purpose, hitting me hard on my chest with his shoulder. When I turned to look at him, he just kept saying “don’t text while walking!” Well, happy birthday to me.
Looks like my last post was when I had my baby 4 months ago… Tons has happened since then, but I did not want to bore you with all that baby talk (I decided to bore you on another blog instead: Motherhood ina Jar). He he 😉
I thought I’d post a report from an ex-childless gal to my childless peeps. A “spy” report of sorts, from someone who’s on the other side of a line that you might cross one day.
One of the things I heard over and over again when I was pregnant was that when you have a baby your life revolves around that new little person. Somehow we all think we are exempt from this fact, and we say to ourselves that we will be different. You make promises to yourself: “I would never neglect my friends” or “I’ll just have my s/o take care of the baby while I go out with my friends” or “I’ll never be one of those people that lose all sight of their individuality when they have kids” or “I would never bring a baby out to a restaurant.” Anyways, the promises go on and on, but they are all based on one fundamentally flawed assumption: that you will *want to* hang onto your old life and somehow the baby will get in your way. Well, I got news for you: when the time comes, the last thing on your mind will be “when can you go back to normal?”
Normal has changed.
Truth is you won’t want to be different from all those annoying parents you know. You’ll WANT TO go home instead of sticking around town after work. You’ll WANT TO make no plans on weekends so you can get the house in order (cuz Heaven knows you had no time for that on weeknights). You’ll WANT TO say No to this and that birthday party. You’ll WANT TO talk about your baby nonstop, and you’ll suddenly lose all awareness that the topic bores others. It’s almost a complete chemical transformation within you. You’ve just acquired a new perspective, and all your preconceived notions go out the window.
So it’s not like this responsibility is suddenly put on you and you’ll want to fight it. It’s more like your home life was just made 500 times better and you want to be there and soak it all in! Not only that, but you want others to understand it! So you keep talking about it until someone gets it! (but they won’t, despite all your efforts).
Now, nothing in life should be snorted in its pure form. Ever heard of “everything in moderation”? At some point you do need to remember that you need a balanced life to function. So, despite my initial instincts, I did go back to work full-time, and I did make an effort to get together with friends again, and I feel great about the fact that I have it all, and it all flows in perfect harmony. That will be your real fight: not the one where you try to “break free” from the baby, but the one where you have to make a huge effort to willingly decide to leave him when you could be spending time with him instead.
So that’s my shout out from this side of the line.
I hope you all have an awesome day and even better weekend!
Baby Traveler!My husband and I made plans to head to Venezuela, (where I’m originally from) for the holidays this past year (2011). You see, my sister and my cousin were getting married (not to each other haha), so we had 2 weddings to attend, plus Christmas and New Year’s eve with my side of the family after 2 years of not visiting. Not only was it shaping up to be a busy vacation, but it was also to be our first experience traveling with baby G.
I admit I never really worried about it. After all, I am a very experienced traveler, and I have a very easy going husband. My control-freakness is always balanced out by his mellow-yellowness. We had the perfect combination of preparedness and positive attitude. And we needed it!
I’ll cut to the chase: it was not bad, we learned a lot, and the most stressful bits had more to do with the airport experience than the fact we were traveling with a 3 month old. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy these tips that helped us keep our sanity:
Preparation: expect the unexpected, but learn quickly from what works and what doesn’t.
Before you pack, MAKE LISTS! You should start thinking of these a couple weeks in advance. What does the baby use every day? What does he use every night to sleep? Every morning to wake up? Every day while he sleeps? While he’s awake? How many diapers does he go through in a day? What calms him down when he’s fussy?
If you’re anything like me, you just packed your whole baby’s room into a very heavy carry-on bag. Here’s where the learning comes in: after day 1 of travel is over and you start packing for the trip back home (and for any future trips, for that matter), only pack the things you ACTUALLY used and stop saying “but what if?” Be practical. The baby WILL survive with just diapers and the clothes on his back. Everything else is gravy.
I had 2 carry-ons: one backpack that would be accessible during the flight, and one rolling small luggage that would go in the overhead bin. The contents of each were:
First day of travel:
Backpack: pump, pump accessories, expressed milk container with 2 full bottles, hooter hider, blanket, sheet, 10 diapers, wipes, changing pad, monkey toy, my netbook and power cord, my husband’s tablet.
Rolling Luggage: baby björn, camera, some of my husband’s and my clothes that we packed at the last minute.
On the way back home:
Backpack: removed all these things: netbook and power cord, pump, pump accessories, milk, and monkey toy. SO MUCH LIGHTER!
Rolling Luggage: expressed milk, camera, netbook with power cord.
Everything else went into a checked bag. As it turns out I did not get the opportunity to use my computer on the plane because the baby was on me the whole time, I did not need to pump while on the go, and we used the car seat to carry the baby, so the björn was just taking up space.
Pack things that remind your baby of home
Before you put the baby’s entire toy collection in a bag, really identify a couple (3 TOPS) of special toys that remind your baby of home. The plane, the airport, the place where you’ll be staying, are all strange places to your little one.
I, for one, made sure to bring his favorite musical star (familiar sounds are very soothing), his favorite rattling monkey, and his bedtime Hush, Little Baby book. Which segways nicely into my next point:
Continue the bedtime routine
This may be a vacation for you, but your baby doesn’t know that your life is compartmentalized into work/home/vacation. He only has ONE little life, and changing things around by surprise can really throw him off. So let this not be a vacation from your baby’s routine. Yes, he will see new faces, new places, and even stay up later than he normally would, and sometimes we just can’t help it. However, it is YOUR responsibility as a parent to advocate for your baby’s needs no matter how inconvenient they may seem at the time. If your baby needs to nap, you will find a quiet place for him to do it (bring a white noise maker, or download a free one on your phone — they are magical at blocking noise!). If it’s your baby’s time to go down, you will make sure you do so in a consistent manner each day you’re in that new place. Change is not your friend! So you must mitigate its effects with as much consistency as possible!
In our case, we borrowed a pack-and-play from a relative, and that’s where the baby slept every night. It was very different from his usual Nap Nanny. The pack-and-play doesn’t even recline! I established a routine on the first night: say good night to all his little buddies (the monkey, the star), then read his book, sing him a song, and leave him. The first night was the hardest one: he cried his lungs out. By the second night, he knew what to expect, and he was an angel at bedtime the rest of the week. This also worked out well for us at home, since now that he had no choice but to sleep on his back, we were able to move him straight into his crib for the first time! No more nap nanny! Anyways, routine ALWAYS does the trick.
Get an in-flight system down
Sounds really obvious, but you should remember to GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE TAKE-OFF!!! With the hassle of getting to the airport on time, going through security, and making it to the gate in time for the Priority Access boarding (which you’d get automatically traveling with an infant), you may not want to stop the freight train… ooooh, but you really should. Here’s what happened to us:
Our trip was comprised of 4 flights in total: 2 going, and 2 coming back, 3 hours each. On the first flight, after I had sat down at the window seat on a 3-seater, after I had attached baby G to my breast for the take-off (wearing that handy hooter hider I had packed in my backpack), after the baby fell asleep peacefully on me, and the in-flight movie was well on its way, I decided I really needed to use the facilities. Also, baby G had some poop and it would be a “good” time to change him. So I made everybody move, I woke up my sleeping baby, went to the bathroom, maneuvered the confined space to put the baby down on the changing table, then do my business, then change him, and finally wash my hands and come back to the seat. BIG MISTAKE. Baby G would NOT go back to sleep!!! We spent the rest of the flight trying to soothe him. Lucky for us, there were 3 other babies around us and they were making more noise than baby G was, so the angry passengers were not so angry at us in particular. I actually think that the other babies were making baby G even more upset. Anyways, not our finest 3 hours.
For the second leg of this trip, I got a system down: I would board and give my husband the car seat (to check at the gate), and the rolling luggage, and I’d take the baby and the backpack STRAIGHT into the bathroom ON THE PLANE while my husband settled down at our seats. I changed baby G and did my business. By the time we had to take off, baby G was able to nurse and fall asleep, and so he stayed for the rest of the flight! It was marvelous.
For the trip back, I ran into the problem of: should I go to the lavatory EVERY TIME I need to change him? It seemed like such a drag. Then my mother suggested I changed him right there on the seat. I thought the smell and the sight of it would be too much for other passengers to handle and I was skeptical… but the guy sitting next to me was so peacefully sleeping that I did not want to have to wake him up 5 times. I just couldn’t do that to him. So I bit the bullet and had my husband help me change the diaper. I managed to get it down to 30 seconds! I put the changing pad under him, took the diaper off very quickly and handed it to my husband to fold, while I wiped and put a new diaper on. I was a PRO. We managed to do this for the rest of this flight and the next.
Did you know that the vomit bags are ALSO meant to be used to put dirty diapers in them??? It says so right on the bag!!! I never noticed that before!
So there you go. Things you never thought you would do, you are doing now. In short, I learned to: board first, go to the lavatory to use the facilities and change the baby, nurse during take-off and let the baby sleep the flight away, and should he soil himself during the flight, change him right then and there without disturbing others. Boom. Flight mastered.
International travel considerations
If your child is less than 2 years of age, you will be required to pay the taxes on a ticket (for approximately 10% of the price of a full ticket). This is because the airlines need to know that there are children traveling out of the country. You’re still not buying a SEAT, though, so be prepared to hold your little bundle for the duration of the flight.
Yes, your baby will need a passport, so head over to Walgreens to get his tiny picture taken and submit an application at the post office. Both parents must be present to apply (unless one of them provides a notarized affidavit). If your baby doesn’t have a social security number yet, you can put all zeroes in the application (I have confirmed this with the State Department). So, no matter what the post office clerk says, you do NOT need a social security number to apply for a passport!!! Plan on waiting for the passport for 2 months, but really you’ll get it a lot sooner than that.
I signed up baby G for American Airline’s rewards program so he could start accruing miles, but they said that only ticketed passengers could earn miles. Since you’re not technically buying a ticket for your infant, but just paying for the taxes on it, your baby might not be eligible to earn miles on your trip. Check with your airline!
We did not have to travel with a birth certificate or anything like that. Baby G’s passport was enough to get us out of the US, into Venezuela, and back into the US. No fuss no muss.
Enjoy your baby’s new experience!
Try not to get too bogged down by airline staff rudeness, airport inconveniences, and the general stupidness of traveling. This is your baby’s first time on a plane! It’s an exciting time and a great opportunity to bond with your significant other and work as a team. I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the support and help of my husband. We made each other laugh and we had a great time acknowledging how EXHAUSTED we were. Nothing better for the soul than another soul who loves you and understands you. Hurrah for happy families 🙂
Hope your travel plans go well, and remember to not sweat the small stuff!
I consider that I had a pretty successful return to work after I had Baby G, so I thought I’d impart some practical tips that may (or may not) help other mommies out there.
1 month before going back to work:
On sleeping through the night…
You gotta start thinking about getting a good night sleep when your wake-up time is no longer open-ended as it was during maternity leave. How can you do this if your baby continues to feed during the night? I’ll tell you what worked for me, and maybe this will help you come up with ideas for you:
After he went back to his birth weight, I stopped waking him up to feed (per my pediatrician’s suggestion), and waited for him to wake me up. I’d feed him in my bed, and put him back down in his bed immediately after he was burped and done. He *always* fell right back asleep.
I’d put him down for the night at around 10pm after being up for a couple of hours, and his waking time started to magically slip from 1am to 3am to 4am to 5am… until one morning he woke us up at 7:45am. Bingo, baby was sleeping through the night.
Now that your baby is sleeping through the night, what will you do? Pump! Avoid engorged sore breasts and possible plugged ducts that occur when you haven’t nursed for a while. Make sure you are pumping every 4 hours or so. You will do this while the baby sleeps, and continue to do it when you start work again.
Start to build up a milk supply. Some days will be busy at work, and you might not be able to pump enough milk for the next day, so you’ll greatly benefit from having some frozen milk in the freezer. According to Baby Center, breastmilk is good for 6-8 hours at room temperature right after being pumped, 5 days in the fridge, and 3-6 months (conservatively) in the freezer.
On getting excited about going back to work…
Sounds a bit weird to plan for getting excited, but if you don’t figure this one out, you’ll be setting yourself up for failure. What worked for me was to realize that I did not fit into ANY of my pre-maternity clothes, and I did not want to continue wearing maternity clothes to work, so I sucked it up and got myself a whole new work wardrobe. I took advantage of every possible sale in every department store online, I googled a billion promotional codes and free shipping offers, and ended up getting REALLY NICE stuff (dresses, blazers, shoes) for half the price that it would have been full price. I made the determination that I was going to look GOOD. I even decided to start wearing powder foundation to work every day (before now I used to put on very little make up at work, and some days I would even forget to – I looked like a scrub every day). I was so excited about wearing my new clothes, that I had something to look forward to: everybody’s reaction to my amazing transformation. And guess what: it worked! I have been back to work for 3 weeks now, and I have looked like a million bucks each day. My coworkers swear I must have joined a gym, and say that I look just like I did before I got pregnant. New clothes did that! It’s all camouflage 🙂 One girl even told me that she resolved not to get new clothes until she could get back to her old weight. It took her 2 years, and she felt ugly and miserable the whole time. Don’t let that be you. You deserve to feel good outside of the house.
2 weeks before going back to work…
On daycare…
You should already have some sort of daycare lined up. Before you drop off your baby on your first day of work, do a dry-run of how things are going to work. Mimic your commute, and help the new care giver with your baby’s schedule and your wishes for feeding times and naps. This is what we did:
Daycare arrangement: My husband changed his work schedule such that he worked the late shift (noon to 8pm) while my schedule was going to be 8-5. Husband took care of Baby G in the morning, and drove him to his parents’ house (45min away), then drove into work. At 5pm, I’d take his car (our workplaces are close to each other), and meet his father close to our work, do the baby swap, and then I’d drive home with the baby.
Dry run: My husband took care of the baby in the morning while I was still there, so I could show him when to feed him and when to put him down. Then my husband drove me and the baby to his parents’ house, where I guided my father-in-law through the baby’s feedings and naps. He was very gracious about it (even though I was a major pain in the neck), and he made things easy for me. Then we drove to our future meeting place, I took my husband’s car, and drove the baby home. This helped avoid any surprises on day 1. You definitely don’t want to get phone calls with questions on your first day back! You’ll be busy enough trying to catch up with all the changes at work.
The day before going back to work…
On getting ready for the big day
Spend the entire day preparing for your first day. Things to keep in mind:
Tidy up the house. You will feel great going to work and knowing you will not have a mess to clean up when you get back in the evening.
Do laundry. The last thing you want to be concerned about on your first week of work is whether you will have enough clean/presentable clothes to wear! Get them ready now!
Figure out what you will eat for lunch and dinner all week. You might opt for pizza some days and McDonald’s on others, but these should be the exception. Remember you are still nursing, and whatever you eat your baby is eating too! Recruit your husband’s help to go grocery shopping. You do NOT have to do everything on your own, even if it is NFL Sunday night.
Get your pumping supplies ready. If your workplace has a pump, you will most likely have to buy the attachments! I found this out the hard way. Take your own pump on day 1 to make sure you will be able to do it regardless of your workplace arrangements. Wash all the parts and get it all ready in your bag.
Enjoy the time with your baby. Don’t get so busy that you brush off your baby’s feeding times and awake times. Play with him, touch him, hug him, enjoy every second 🙂
Your first day back…
On job expectations…
Have a meeting with your boss and ask all the questions you want. You haven’t been there for 3+ months, and things are bound to have changed! This is your time to ask stupid questions like: is this still my work schedule? What’s happening in the department? What are your expectations of my position now, and what are the top priorities so I can plan my week? What has changed in my responsibilities?
Find out if there is a Mother’s Corner at your workplace. In the US, workplaces are required to provide a non-bathroom place for you to pump. I had to get key access to mine, and buy separate pump attachments to be able to use the pumps at my work, so it might take some setting up.
On pumping…
Don’t forget to pump!!! Work is going to get really busy really fast, so make sure you block time to pump. I started out pumping twice during the work day, but then I ran into a milk shortage: I was making barely enough for my baby for the next day! So I had to increase my pumping to three times during the work day. It’s a pain in the neck, I tell ya: I have to interrupt whatever I’m doing, head down to the pump room, set up the attachments, get undressed from the waist up, pump, then wash all the attachments, put them away, and walk all the way back. It’s taking anywhere from 30-40 minutes from the moment I leave my desk until I get back, even thought the ACTUAL pumping took 15-20 min. I haven’t figured out a way to economize on time yet, but I’m sure I’ll figure out a way to cut this time down, and so will you!
Don’t feel guilty about the time you’re spending away from your desk. You are a mommy now, and that is your first priority in life. Your coworkers/boss may need you badly, but your baby doesn’t have ANYBODY else in the world to supply food for them. You are IT! So you just gotta do it, and that’s it!
I hope this helps at least some of you. I miss my baby so much and I envy those mommies who get to hang out with theirs every day. But since I can’t be one of them, I have to make the most of it, and I’ve felt very happy and thankful for all my blessings for the past 3 weeks.
Baby G – 3 monthsOk, so maybe I’m singing victory too soon, I’ve only tried the famous bedtime routine for 2 nights, but I thought my results merited sharing with all those parents out there who are having trouble getting their babies to sleep at night.
First of all, let’s lay the ground work. Baby G is 3 months old, and he has been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old. I used to wake him up to feed during the night, but someone suggested to let him sleep and see how long he would go. So I did. On the first night he slept from 10pm until 4am. As the days went by, he started sleeping in later and later, until one morning he woke us up at 7:45am!!! I was still on maternity leave then, that’s why we didn’t have a strict hour to wake up.
As soon as I started working, I’d wake up at 5, and he with me to feed. It’s incredible how quickly they adjust to your schedule.
Anyways, going to bed was always uncertain. I’d be waiting to see if he showed signs of sleepiness, or I’d wait until he had to eat again so he could soothe by eating and go down easy. Every day was different, and every day was a struggle. Let’s keep in mind that Baby G is one of the easiest babies in the world, so his fussing never lasted more than 30 minutes (it took an hour when we had guests over last weekend, which was sad to see). But still, I didn’t want him to fuss at ALL.
So I started reading up online about bedtime routines. Here’s one site that summarized ideas for what to do to get your baby to always know when bedtime was coming: BabyCentre UK – Bedtime Routines for Babies
The ideas I liked best were (1) walking around the house saying goodnight to different objects, (2) reading a book, and (3) singing a song.
I suspected these would work perfectly for Baby G because things like baths, or playtime, tend to rile him up rather than calm him down. The only thing that calms him down is being with me on my shoulder.
So that’s what we did. We went around the house (lights dimmed), and said our goodnights:
Good night christmas tree…Good night Caroler Number 1…Good night Caroler Number 2…Good night Caroling Lovers with your Mistetoe…Good night Flowers…
Then we picked up a book (the same book every night), called Hush Little Baby (by Petra Brown), and I’d sing the book to him. On the first night he started to cry about half way through the book, but I kept on going. There was no stopping me. The second night, he actually started to smile in the beginning of the book, and actually turned to look at me for most of it as I sang. He even smiled a few times. It was so nice to see him so happy, even though he knew bedtime was imminent.
After we finished the book, I held his little hands and put my face close to his, and I sang a little Venezuelan lullaby that goes to the tune of the Venezuelan National Anthem:
Duérmete mi niño, que tengo qué hacer Lavar los pañales, y hacer de comer
The first night he was crying and crying during the lullaby, but the second night he was actually very subdued and seemed to be enjoying this time with me.
After the lullaby, I gave him tons of kisses on his round little head, said goodnight, and walked away shutting the door behind me.
I watched him through the video monitor. The first night he cried and cried, but I did not go back in (that would defeat the purpose of what I’m trying to teach him: that I would not be coming back). It took him 20 min of crying the first night to calm down, and 15 min after that to fall asleep. The second night, he lied there with his eyes open. He sucked on his hands, he moved around a little bit, but there was NO FUSSING. It took him 15 min to fall asleep.
Sweet dreams baby
Still on the second night, 10 minutes after he fell asleep, he woke up and cried for a few minutes. Then went back down, and not a peep until the next morning. To my surprise he didn’t wake up at 5am like he usually does… I let him sleep until 5:40, but then I had to wake him up to feed him and get ready for work.
So there might be an argument there that he had a better night sleep the second night.
But then again, maybe it was all a fluke! I’ll try again tonight (3rd night) and see if I can replicate the same results! I’ll keep you posted, and wish you luck with your little ones’ bedtime rituals 🙂
ina
Epilogue: On the third night, Baby G was a little distraught (he was tired, and I was clipping his nails, which upset him), so I jumped into the bedtime routine. He calmed right down! He was asleep 10 min after I left the room, and there was no fussing afterwards!
Baby G – 2 monthsThe first couple of weeks of baby G’s life were quite taxing for him, and for us as new parents. Our little prince was diagnosed with laryngomalacia, a condition of the throat that causes him to produce a shriek when he inhales. Prognosis is positive: he will outgrow the condition on his own by the time he’s 2 years old, and, in many cases, a lot earlier. Nothing to worry about, right? Well, easier said than done.
To confirm the diagnosis we visited an ENT specialist (Ear Nose and Throat). Turns out that baby G wasn’t only shrieking upon inhaling, but also while exhaling. The PA (Physician’s Assistant) told us that laryngomalacia presented only while inhaling, not exhaling, and that the shriek-while-exhaling action may be a symptom of something obstructing his airway below the voice box.
The doctor confirmed what the PA said, and decided to submit baby G to various tests in order for him to determine whether surgery would be necessary. One of the tests was a round of X-rays at only 10 days old. My husband and I were devastated. He was so little! Will the radiation be damaging to his little body, brain, or organs? The doctor described a single X-ray shot as having the same kind and amount of radiation as a flight from Boston to Los Angeles. Well, each X-ray round is composed of two “shots” (one from above, one from the side). So that’s a round trip to and from Los Angeles right there. Then it turned out that baby G’s jaw was blocking his voice box on the picture, and the X-rays had to be done again. Another round trip. After those, the ENT was still not finding anything conclusive, so he called on the expertise of the radiologist, who recommended a “live X-ray” which is a pulsed X-ray that takes a quick succession of pictures, like taking an X-ray movie, to see his throat while he breathed. I have no idea what this means in terms of intercontinental flights, but my little baby just went through a WHOLE LOT more radiation than just a flight to Los Angeles, I tell you that much! I couldn’t stop crying the entire time. My poor baby!!!
The doctors didn’t find any masses or anything structurally wrong with baby G’s throat (best case scenario). We still don’t know what the shriek-while-exhaling meant, but the doctor could not confirm nor deny that he was just making baby noises. The doctor also put a tiny scope into his mouth and down his throat to “watch” the tissues above his voice box folding in a manner consistent with the condition, but he said he did not see it. Baby G was crying a lot during the scope, which is supposed to worsen the condition and make it easier to see, but even then the doctor was unable to confirm it visually. He ruled out more severe conditions, and hence gave us a 98% confidence that this was a typical case of laryngomalacia.
For a month we watched baby G like a hawk. Every time he made a noise that was not consistent with his already-noisy breathing, we would jump up and watch as he regained his breath. “Is he breathing?” was the question we kept asking each other when one of us checked on him. The answer was always Yes.
By our second visit with the ENT, at 4 weeks old, the doctor *was* able to see the tissues fold in a manner consistent with the condition, and he basically said his laryngomalacia was progressing as expected (getting “worse” before getting better). He said baby G would be a perfect candidate for surgery, but considering he didn’t have any complications and he was thriving, there was no reason to recommend it at this time.
It’s worth noting that baby G never had any problems feeding. He would latch on and not let go until he was done. This is different from typical cases of laryngomalacia, where babies have trouble breathing through their noses and have to unlatch to catch a breath frequently, and in consequence end up having weight problems.
Also, baby G did not appear to suffer from acid reflux, which tends to make the condition worse. We asked the ENT if he could see any irritation in his throat possibly due to acid reflux, and he said he could not, however, he would not assume that means he doesn’t have acid reflux. To us, baby G seems to have this silent kind, where you can hear him swallow whatever came up, but he’s never been a spitting-up baby. His PCP gave him a prescription for Prilosec just in case he was having silent reflux. We gave him a couple of doses, but my uncle, who is a GI doctor, said he would not give that to his kid, especially if he wasn’t spitting up.
The reason is that many infants end up with a prescription after parents tell their doctors that the baby cries a lot. You see, “colic” is not really a diagnosis. It’s just a catch-all term to explain why babies cry. So, as a catch-all diagnosis, acid reflux is blamed in most cases and the infant ends up on medication. Even if the baby actually had acid reflux, it’s perfectly normal for babies that age to have a certain level of reflux to help their GI systems mature, and it really doesn’t burn them like it burns adults because they don’t produce as much acid at that stage. So we decided to discontinue the drug, and just treat him with gripe water instead.
Still, just in case he does have the silent kind of acid reflux, we started having him sleep propped up at a 30 degree angle, face up. We started this after visiting the ENT (10 days old, about). My mother-in-law purchased this bed for him called a Nap Nanny (before having this, we would have baby G sleep in a car seat). It works alright. It’s comfortable, and his laryngomalacia is almost completely silent when he sleeps in it. He is a snorer, though, which is great because I take comfort in hearing his every breath.
Nap Nanny
This was a very emotional time for me and my husband. When one of us broke down, the other one had to put on a strong face. All the while our family members (his mother, my parents) continued to “try to encourage us” by saying that those were normal baby noises, and there was nothing off with the way he was breathing. I tried not to take it personally, as if they were saying that we were crazy and overreacting. I tried to think of it as “they are helping us feel more at ease,” but I wish they had acknowledged our conclusions, and just said that everything was going to be ok.
It didn’t help that my husband kept on reading forum entries from parents whose babies had the worst possible case scenario of laryngomalacia, and who explained how their babies lips turned blue when they couldn’t breathe, or how they had to take them in for surgery multiple times, or how their babies died of asphyxiation. My husband was a wreck. We joked that there should be a website called “And Everything Turned Out Fine.com” where people could chronicle their experiences with disease or medical conditions, and everything was OK in the end. It would have been much more encouraging than reading all the bad stuff.
Now, 2 months later, baby G is doing fabulously. He’s thriving, and has gained almost 4 pounds since his lowest weight after birth. He’s proven to be very strong, and we know he’s going to be ok 🙂
Baby G was born a week ago (time FLIES, doesn’t it?) and the first week was marked by a new to-do item on my daily and nightly routine: breastfeeding.
I had gotten some tips from my doula before I started: make sure his lips are covering the entire nipple, what you want is for the tip to be all the way in the back of their throat (soft palate), and play with him during to keep him awake (stroke his cheek, or use a cold wash cloth on his head and/or feet if necessary). Breastfeeding did not have to be painful! A good latch was all it took. All of these made sense. I was ready!
What I was not prepared for was the fact that my nipples WOULD get sore… and remain so for weeks. I started nursing baby G on the day he was born after he performed a flawless breast crawl. It tickled! It didn’t hurt at all! In fact, it didn’t hurt the next day either. But then, at some point, my nipples got so raw that I could see exactly where they were scabbing over just by looking in a mirror. I have also been told that it only takes ONE bad latch to cause some damage (bad latch leads to soreness, which is made worse by the next feeding, and so the cycle goes).
My right one will survive. I think it’s healing as best as it can, but it is still painful every time he successfully latches on. As for my left, well, I hope it’s not a lost cause: it is still pretty raw, and every time baby G latches on, I can feel a nerve being pinched in the back of my left arm! I just hope that one finds its way to recovery sooner than later.
Other than that, I LOVE nursing my baby and being the only one who can provide what he needs. I’m looking forward to doing it without the pain! What a way to ruin such a wonderful moment for bonding.
ina
This post was typed up on my Smartphone while nursing.
I have split the birth story into two versions: the short PG-rated version, and the longer uncensored version:
Short Version: tells you everything you need to know about how labor progressed, and how our baby was brought into this world. To read, just keep reading this post.
Uncensored: tells the ENTIRE story from beginning to end. It describes every feeling, every thought, and it gets explicit on body experience (such as going to the bathroom, feelings of labor, and goings on during and AFTER delivery). To read, which you could only possibly be interested in if you are a future mother yourself, or if you are just a pathologically curious individual, you can go to the The Birth Story (Uncensored) post and type in this password: veryexplicit(Enter at your own risk!)
It took 4 days of labor, but only one hour of pushing to welcome little Greg into the world.
Day 1 (Wednesday): I started feeling the contractions on my lower back when I woke up to get ready for work at 5:30am, so my midwife suggested I waited a few hours to see if they went away. I decided to work from home that day. The contractions continued throughout the day, but only became regular that evening. At midnight, I asked my husband to put together the birthing tub, and I called my doula over to keep me company. I refrained from calling my midwives until I knew labor was imminent.
That night I slept propped up on the couch, since the contractions were very uncomfortable to go through in a lying down position.
Day 2 (Thursday): I woke up with every contraction throughout the night to track them (using a Blackberry app called BirthBaby). The contractions remained at 10min apart all night long. Nothing seemed to be going anywhere fast, so at 7am I sent my doula home and took my mother out to breakfast (Baby Apple at Bickford’s — yum!). At that point I really couldn’t pretend I wasn’t in labor, so I called the whole team over (1 doula, 2 midwives) and we spent the whole day in and out of the tub, having lunch and dinner, watching a movie, and taking walks. By midnight my contractions had gone from 5 min apart all day to 10-15 min apart. Everyone went home, except for one midwife who stayed behind to make sure the baby’s HR stayed up throughout the night. She allowed me to take a Benadryl to get some rest, and it worked wonderfully. I still woke up with several contractions, but I was able to rest until 8am.
Day 3 (Friday): My midwife left at 8am. I woke up cautiously, had breakfast, went back to sleep for a couple of hours, had lunch, visited my neighbor, and tried my best to get distracted. The contractions were about 10min apart but they had gotten debilitating and intense. By the early evening I didn’t want to eat, and I lived in fear that another would strike any second, because these contractions did not seem to care for ‘timing’: they were guaranteed every time I changed positions in any way! I couldn’t even speak or look straight during these. I looked like I was in a trance. I just tried my best to relax my whole body, close my eyes and wait for them to pass after 30 seconds or so.
That night I slept in my bed, but propped up in a sitting position. I thought maybe I would get lucky and get another good night sleep. No such luck.
Day 4 (Saturday): At 3am I had to wake Brian up to help me track the contractions (they were back to being 5-6min apart) and to help me try different positions for relief. None were working. We called the team over at 6:30am and they were there at 8am. I spent the morning feeling these intense surges, and the only relief I could get was when my doula or my husband would apply counter-pressure around my hips or on top of my lower back.
I got in the birthing tub at 12:30pm and my body would no longer let me relax my muscles during contractions. Every contraction I got would make my body PUSH. I was trying to help it! I was trying to relax my muscles, but it was a completely involuntary reflex. At 1:33pm, announcing to everyone that “something was going to come out” the head popped right out! The only person to see it was my husband Brian, whose hands I had been holding onto the entire time.
Everyone rushed over to our side and took the baby out. He was born in the amniotic sac. I never ruptured membranes! I was so proud of this little guy.
The cord was also tied around his neck, so my midwife had to cut him out of the sac and unwrap the neck before giving him to me. And that is when this picture was taken:
Baby Greg came out by complete surprise just 1 hour after I had started pushing. My mother didn’t even know I was pushing at all. She thought that the noises I was making meant that the contractions had FINALLY gotten to me (ahem, 4 days later) 🙂 She was one of those people extremely concerned that I wouldn’t be able to handle the labor without anesthesia, so she had been waiting for me to scream and freak out at any moment.
And so our little bundle of joy was born 🙂 10 fingers, 10 toes, perfection all around 🙂
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! WE ARE HAVING A HOME BIRTH!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! BUT… I can’t call anybody! I can’t tell anyone without getting into a “you’re crazy”/”no I’m not” argument! I’d like to enjoy our decision for a little while… so I’m just going to keep this to myself for as long as I can without BURSTING! Here’s what happened:
Based on the unpleasant meeting with Midwife C, but before we got their letter kicking us out, we decided we needed a pick-me-up. So we called up Sarafina Kennedy (our birthing class co-teacher) fully intending on getting a pep talk about hospitals, because Sarafina has worked in that setting before dedicating full time to home birth midwifery and has had some good experiences with Newton-Wellesley midwives. But before we could talk, we got that unfortunate letter dumping us from the WHA practice, and NWH was no longer in the picture… but we still wanted to meet with Sarafina.
We told her our whole story, and she was APPALLED at the letter (GOOD, outrage is exactly what people should feel about this). We asked her about the Cambridge Birthing Center (back to square one), and she said that her own experiences and that of her peers has not been the best there. Mostly because the Birthing Center is very quick to transfer people to the hospital if they fall into their “risk” categories, because their rules are still dictated by the hospital. Some situations where they might transfer you to the hospital but you would be fine with professional help at home would be situations like: there’s traces of meconium in the amniotic fluid (that’s not ALWAYS a guaranteed intervention), or if the baby is in the wrong position, or if the baby’s heart beat slows down, etc. We knew this, but we were crossing our fingers that everything would be ok.
Seeing as I wasn’t feeling much better about institutions, I asked her straight on: tell me that it’s possible to have good experiences at hospitals. She said that absolutely you can, and mentioned some situations in her experience that were handled very well at hospitals. However, it does mean working a little harder to get everybody on the same page. I still wasn’t feeling it.
Then I asked her everything I needed to know about a home birth: cost, situations when it would require a transfer to the hospital, situations that have prompted her to call 911 in the past, situations when being away from the hospital would be life or death situation for me or the baby (which are a couple of situations in which minutes would matter and happen once in a blue moon), etc. She answered every question openly and completely truthfully. Brian and I looked at each other, and we both agreed that there is a higher chance that things won’t work out at a hospital (c-section, bad experience overall) than of having a lightning-strike probability of bleeding out at home. We simply couldn’t excuse planning to avoid a lightning strike by aiming for a car wreck. We agreed home birth was looking better.
Sarafina said that our inquisitive nature and our wish for taking control and assuming accountability for our decisions made us perfect candidates for home birth. Home births are not for everybody. They are not for people who would rather leave all decisions to professionals. It’s more for people who want the responsibility for the entire experience, and it looked like to her that we were.
I won’t lie: I wanted this so bad. After spending the past 6 months hearing every story about home birth, every story about hospitals, watching every video and reading every website, there was no doubt in my mind that a home birth was the right one for me. So I looked at Brian, and asked him to ask any questions he needed to ask about home birthing, ’cause I most likely was going to try to get him to agree to one 😉 He said he had had all his questions answered (including price, Sarafina’s availability for September, risk factors at home, etc). By the end, we both just knew. We wanted this. As soon as Sarafina left, Brian asked me “so are YOU going to tell my mother?” I was SO happy! We did sit down to say things that we couldn’t share in front of Sarafina, like what he was so worried about. He said he wasn’t worried about the birth, he was actually kind of giddy. He even likened it to asking me to marry him: it was a “giddy” kind of nervous. I knew this was a great sign 🙂 I was jumping up and down, I was BEAMING… I couldn’t believe it! All my anxieties can be kissed BYE BYE. I was going to have exactly the birth I wanted, exactly where I wanted it, with a team of people who actually care about ME, our plan, our wishes, and who prefer to get questions and to spend the time discussing anything we want. THIS is the path for informed individuals. I’m still so surprised more people don’t go for it…
Anyways, we still had the daunting task of telling our families… we knew they wouldn’t like it ONE bit.
First, I told my mother over the phone. I was scared out of my mind, so I had to get it out of the way ASAP. I explained everything from Sarafina’s visit through my train of thought, and tried to remain cheerful. I stressed how much thought and research had gone into this decision, how it was not a light one, and how much I think she will enjoy the experience once she’s in it. She started to cry and said that if that was my decision, then there was nothing she could say. She tends to do that thing where she keeps all her feelings bottled up inside (but they still manage to come out her eyes), while saying whatever she thinks she’s supposed to say. Then my father came into the conversation because he saw my mother was upset and he was already hearing her side of the conversation, so he wanted to be let in the loop.
I started with an inside joke we have where I say I’m scared (of him). They laughed a little, and I told my father what was up. Again, I kept a cheerful attitude and explained this feels right and we have not totally improvised this, it’s well thoughtout and we are in great hands. Then he started with his (expected) questions about the qualifications of the midwife, and how I should get seen by a doctor that could confirm that I’m really fine (he doesn’t have much faith on midwives because they don’t have a medical degree). I assured him I was in good hands, but I would let him know what we decide about his suggestion that we see a doctor for a pre-natal appointment to make sure everything is alright. I don’t know what to do about that one yet… I don’t see any harm in getting checked out, but it’s unnecessary. It might just be $15 and a few hours off work for me. Maybe I’ll do it just to appease them, but I don’t think that’s a good reason to do anything. Brian says that if that’s all we have to do to keep them happy, then we have to pick our battles and just do it. I’ll keep thinking about it. I managed to keep my cool through his remarks downgrading midwives, and didn’t argue for the sake of argument. I only answered questions when there was any.
He asked me about Plan B for complications, I told him our midwives normally use the Brigham and Women’s Hospital, but if it was a 911 situation, we would go to Norwood Hospital (5 min from my house). He seemed ok with this.
Other than that, they just said this was a “revolutionary” thing they are not used to, and they hope it works out. I was out of the dog house!
Then came the task of telling Brian’s mother. He called her on the phone, and just stated that we are doing a home birth matter-of-factly, and expecting her to make a scene. Well, she didn’t disappoint. She started ranting about disabled kids she works with that stayed too long in the womb, etc, and started to really cry. Then she said she couldn’t talk anymore and hung up the phone.
Later that day Brian called her back to see how she was doing. She was upset that her input and experience weren’t thoroughly inquired upon and utilized in the decision-making process, therefore we must not appreciate what she can offer. Brian didn’t quite know how to react to this, because he pretty much calls her to consult her on EVERYTHING under the sun… in his mind, it was simply not true. I think she avoided us for the whole weekend, but hopefully she’ll at least get over the shock and we can have family dinners together again. She’ll be ok, I’m sure.
That was the hardest part: telling our families. People are worried about all sorts of things: whether we are getting good prenatal care (after all, to paraphrase my father’s words, if the care provider is not an MD and can’t prescribe medication how good can they be?), or whether I will actually be able to withstand the pain and end up regretting not getting immediate relief, or whether a sudden death situation presented itself even if risk factors remain low. All of these concerns are founded in fear that others have around birth. It’s our job to be here for them to provide information, but it is not our job to chase after them and make them understand. They might never understand.
I think what makes the discussion so difficult is that there is no right or wrong in this situation. Mothers who pick hospitals are not wrong, and mothers who choose home are not wrong. It’s just two different ways to do things based on present risk factors. I can’t argue that any mother could have avoided a c-section if they had been at home, because the facts of the case may be completely different. Just like they can’t for sure say that giving birth at home will lead to death for all involved. There are just a lot of grays, and we both have to agree to disagree.
For all who wonder why we are doing this, this article roughly walks you through our thought process: Mothering.com: You want to give birth where? There are some things I wouldn’t say exactly like that, but it kind of gives you an idea for how the whole home birth concept came to mind as a viable alternative.
In my mind, there is a very simple explanation for our decision: with a home birth, I have a 95% chance of having the birth I want outside of a hospital environment. In a hospital, my chances drop to 30% (there’s already a 30-40% chance of a c-section, coupled with my own fears around hospitals which will have the effect of exacerbating labor difficulty, plus the risk of running into a care team member that is not in alignment with my birth plan). So the choice was really a no brainer for me.
Alright! Parents have been notified, first prenatal appointment has been set up, so it’s now onwards and upwards! 🙂
Weight: 135lbs (delta 20lbs)
Symptoms
Terrible back aches wake me up in the middle of the might. I attribute this to our very uncomfortable bed.
I’m getting more tired as the day goes by. I find I can’t walk around or stand for long periods of time without needing to rest.
Strange but true: one night I was feeling anxious about something, and noticed that whenever I shifted focus to my belly, it started to hurt a little. It was more of a nervous feeling that can be felt not only in my chest, but all around my stomach. There is no reason for pain, so I basically managed to isolate the impact that anxiety alone can have on your body on the day of labor. I want to remain calm that day, but it’s harder said than done!
Sarafina said I have a lot of water in there. Maybe that is why my belly looks so big. Babycove’s size is fine.
Sarafina checked babycove’s position: head is down, ladies and gentlemen! She also taught me to feel for the head, the bum, the back, the feet. AWESOME.
Actions
Bought a new bed! Memory foam rocks! Now, I wish I had a new ergonomic pillow
Continue practicing Hypnobirthing CDs. Started listening to the “Affirmations” and they are great!
This week has been less stressful than last. Now that we are “out” with our decision, our parents have begun the process of getting used to the idea. I still have to get some answers for my parents, such as: will I get an x-ray to determine whether my pelvis is large enough to see a baby through (uhh no thanks), and whether I can get lab tests reviewed by an MD (unlikely). I’m still working on figuring out how to address those types of questions/suggestions; at the same time, I’m trying to get my mother prepared for the birth, since she’ll be present. She said she’d be open to checking out home birth videos and information while she visits prior to the birth. I thought that might be a good way to set expectations and calm some anxieties.
As for Brian’s mother, she has begun asking questions (and expressing opinions) about vitamins, vaccinations and circumcision. It’s a good thing to see she has reestablished communication and does care. I still think it’s a bit strange that she won’t talk to me directly… I feel like a 12 year old being left out of the parents conversation about “grown up” things. I’ll just give her her space.
Going back to the “MD” stuff, I did email my PCP to see what she recommended as far as getting checked out by a doctor and be “cleared” as low-risk. As far as I understand, pregnancy is considered a single episode of care by insurance companies, and OBs don’t actually get paid after every appointment, but only after the baby is delivered (I suspect this is one of the reasons we got kicked out of WHA: the risk that they would spend all this time with us, without getting paid in the end if we decided to leave). So what can I do to get a checkup? I’ll wait for my PCP’s answer.
In the meantime, we were supposed to have a prenatal appointment with Sarafina and her partner, Jessica, but a birth presented itself and we had to reschedule for next week. I was a little bummed, but I’m so looking forward to it!
Lastly, this week we got to meet our doula (labor coach/assistant) for the first time. She’s only starting out now, so she doesn’t have much experience at all, but she’s very eager, very passionate, and very organized! I know she’s not going to let us down 🙂 We basically covered what is included in her role, and all of my wishes and expectations. I’m happy 🙂
Symptoms
Babycove is doing CARTWHEELS in there. You can totally see it from the outside… it’s very alien-like!
Constipation continues, although I have managed to continue going “No. 2” at least once a day, even if it’s not much. I’ve been getting up too late to make my prune juice smoothies, so maybe that’s making things worse.
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Met our doula for the first time!
Penny pinching has begun! Since home births are not covered by insurance, we are left to pay upwards of $3000 on our own. So we have started cutting back on luxuries, such as parking (we walk to the train instead), piano lessons (*sniff*), gym membership (or as I like to call it, “my favorite charity”), and eating out. We also make sure our daily lunches stay in the $5 range. We’re going to save a LOT this month!
Emailed my PCP to find out what to do to get a checkup to “clear” me of any risks.
Reading
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child – my neighbors gave us this book so we can start thinking about establishing healthy sleeping habits that may help us in the long run.
This week started with a tiny budget and a huge task: organizing the gazillion boxes of baby stuff that my sister so generously left at my house before her big move down south. After all, we have to figure out what we have in order to figure out what we need. It was a very pleasant task, and it made for a very relaxing Fourth of July weekend 🙂
This week we had our first prenatal appointment with Sarafina Kennedy and her business partner Jessica Petrone (visit their website at HomeBirthMatters.com). Lovely women. We spent about an hour doing a full medical history, and spent the last half hour checking out the baby’s position (head is still down!) and doing certain measurements. Turns out I’m doing textbook well 🙂 My blood pressure was 118/60 (compare to “optimal” 120/80 for healthy non-pregnant people), which is not surprising considering I’ve always been on the low end of normal. They also measured the size of my belly and I’m at a perfect 30 cm, which is supposed to match the number of weeks you are (30!) 🙂 They also made me pee on a stick of tests for protein, glucose, and some other gazillion tests, and they all came out completely negative. Basically, I could not be any healthier if I tried. I do have homework: to keep track of everything I eat for 7 days. What? Keeeping track of stuff? That’s what I DO! Not a problem there 🙂
I was so excited to talk them. We covered everything under the sun. I asked them about the birth tub (do we really have to buy one to just use once??), they said they rent one out so we’d have to pay $200 for that. In terms of hygiene, the tub comes with a plastic lining, so renters never actually touch the tub and they have their own disposable lining for the duration of use. We also have to buy the birthing kit… price TBA. I also mentioned to them that my parents wanted an MD to check me out, and they had no problem at all. For this reason, I decided to hold off on having them take my blood, assuming a doctor will order blood tests (maybe we can save us all a little money that way).
When they were feeling for the baby’s head, they said they could feel his little hands on the head, so maybe he was sucking his thumb. It was so cute to hear them talk about him! It’s like he’s really in there!
In the end, I was very happy and very excited about the whole thing. I was jumping for joy!
On a side note, I downloaded a countdown application for my phone and a birth companion application. I use the first one to track when my full term date is, so I know when little babycove will come “any minute.” There are a couple of reasons why this date is more important than the due date: (1) since only about 5% of women actually give birth on their due date, it is actually quite meaningless; and (2) most first time mothers are actually late in delivering, the average being 41.3 weeks into the pregnancy, so sticking to a certain due date can be stressful for the mother. What you do is leave the date tracking to your care providers. They will tell you if the time to wait is up (42 weeks for most providers before you are induced).
The second app, the birth companion, is there to help you track the length and frequency of your contractions. This is a better tool than using pen and paper because usually the job of tracking falls on the dad, when really that’s the moment when mommys need him to be there with them the most! So tracking by way of pressing a button is a convenient way to remove all the distraction. It even has a setting to send an email to your care provider when the surges (aka contractions) are 1 min long and 5 min apart (which is the very definition of active labor). I guess I’ll let you know how it works out!
About the OB visit, I tried to get a specific doctor that was recommended by my coworkers, but she only services high-risk pregnancies. So I was assigned to another one and the appointment will be next week. I’m still afraid they won’t help me because they won’t be delivering the baby. Why does this matter? I’ve heard that they don’t get paid for prenatal appointments unless they ultimately deliver the baby, and I have also heard that if they are not certified for home births, their insurance won’t cover them for anything that may happen. All these things are motivations for doctors to turn us away. We’ll just do our part by trying.
I know this post is long enough already, but for the past couple of weeks I have been feeling these uterine spasms. At first I was afraid that it would be the baby having seizures or something. It feels like the whole baby is shaking, and you can tell it’s not a normal movement. I went online, and found out that many women feel this around 28-32 weeks (phew!). Here’s a forum I found on Baby Center where mothers talk about the “Seizures in utero (forum)” they have been feeling:
We are feeling the Uterus going through a fit of spasms. If any of you have ever exercized to the point where your muscles seem to “quake” or “shake”, this is the same thing for the Uterus. It is getting a constant workout by the Braxton-Hicks contractions. And we don’t always know when we are having Braxton-Hicks Contractions…but they are purposefully to “exercise” the uterus for labor and delivery. Since all of our timelines are late in the pregnancy, we’ve probably been experiencing these contractions for many weeks now, which would explain the uterine muscle spasms. I confirmed this with my Ob-Gyn, and was reassured that this was the most likely cause, since I know-as the pregnant one-that there is NO WAY my baby could be moving that fast!
I’m reassured it’s the uterus and not the baby 🙂 Phew! That was scary. If you’re experiencing this, I encourage you to read other women’s responses… they all explain exactly how it feels and what their doctors have told them. Surprisingly, not many women talk about this openly, so doctors may tend to overreact and put you on bi-weekly ultrasounds… so make sure you read and save yourself the anxiety over this one!
Symptoms
I am Nap Central. I wish there were nap times at work so I could rest during the day without worrying about my schedule.
A few weeks ago I had to take off my wedding band and engagement ring because they hurt going in. Midwives said that I did not look like I was retaining fluid, and that because I am producing 50% more blood, it is expected that I’ll be a little “fuller” around my face, fingers, etc. It’s good to hear I wasn’t swollen from fluid retention.
Uterus spasms
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Sorted baby clothes
Started creating a baby registry online
Had first prenatal appointment with home birth midwives
Pinching pennies and selling books on Amazon continues! This home birth stuff can be really pricey if you were counting on an insurance-covered hospital birth!
Home birth on the rise by a dramatic 20 percent – Brian found this article in the Boston Globe, and I forwarded it to my parents before realizing that all the comments below the article were very much anti-homebirth. Yikes! But the stats are good and real and wouldn’t be on the Globe if they hadn’t been verified, so I thought it’d be good supporting material for them.
This week I finished logging all my meals in the 7-day food journal that Sarafina, my awesome midwife, had me fill out. I’m feeling ok about it, but I’m sure she’ll ask me to add more veggies to my diet.
Anyways, something more important happened this week: we went to see an OB at the request of my parents. Here’s the play-by-play:
I called the outpatient OB unit of the hospital where I work, and made a plain old prenatal appointment. I didn’t think it was worth explaining the whole situation to the receptionist, I just wanted to see an OB. So I got my appointment for the following week.
When we got there we were first seen by the nurse. She took my blood pressure (120/60 – perfection), got my weight (140 lbs – perfection), and told me to wait for the senior nurse, who was going to get the scoop before we saw the doctor.
The senior nurse was very sweet and nice. We explained to her that we are having a home birth, and we were just there to get a second opinion on my overall health. In other words, is there anything we may have missed to test, or we should make sure our midwife tests? She was a bit confused… we were having a home birth, we were not there to get “talked out of it,” and still we wanted to see an OB? She excused herself and went to talk to her boss, the Nurse Practitioner, to ask her how we should proceed. She said that in her 30 years in this field she had NEVER ran into this situation. When she came back, she informed us that, first off, the kind of appointment we got was wrong. They were under the impression I’d be transferring care, but all I needed was a consult. Luckily, the fellow doing the consults, who is a high-risk pregnancy OB, had a cancellation, so he could see us right away. Yay!
So we went to see the fellow (a fellow is an MD in training on a specific specialization in his field). At first, he was going to try to give us the hospital side of birth and see if that would persuade us to not have a home birth, but I stopped him before he started and clarified why we were there: we just want you to check me out and make sure that my midwife and I are correct in believing that, at this point, I am a healthy person. He was SO confused! He said he’d probably just need to get a CBC (to get my hemoglobin level), get a syphilis test (routine), and have me take the glucose test that I missed on week 28. I told him all that sounded good, and he left the room. He came back with HIS boss, the attending high-risk OB, and now SHE wanted to know what is it that we wanted from them again? So I explained one more time:
Me: We are here for a second opinion on my overall health at this point in my pregnancy. Doc: Don’t you already have a care provider? Me: Yes, that is the 1st opinion. I’m here for a 2nd. Doc: But what makes you think you are unhealthy? Me: Absolutely nothing!
This is where she caught me. I couldn’t excuse in any logical terms WHAT ON EARTH I was doing in their office. I had to come clean. I explained that my parents would feel more comfortable if an MD could confirm my current health status. She seemed to understand that, and explained that pregnancy is a continuum of care, and that a single evaluation would not make her feel comfortable “signing me off” for a home birth. I told her I completely understood, and I just wanted to get this over with for my parents’ peace of mind.
She explained that she concurred we should do a CBC to check for anemia, a syphilis test, and the glucose test. I asked her if I could do the jelly-bean version of the test, and she said that their results were standardized so the process for taking the test was only the drink. I told her I’d just take the test with my midwife, and she was totally fine with that.
So, they measured my belly (31 cm at 31 weeks – perfection), and they just told me to come back to get my blood drawn, which I did.
Then, I called my mother. I told her the whole story. She was surprised that this was such an unusual request that they were all so confused. I explained to her:
Me: Ma, people don’t usually go to an OB to get a consult when they have decided to do a home birth or they are with another practice, ESPECIALLY if there is nothing wrong with you. Ma: but your care provider is not a doctor! Me: that is irrelevant! Ma: How could it be irrelevant??? It’s like going to the butcher shop, and the cheese guy ends up cutting your meat! Me: No Ma!!! The cheese guy has nothing to do with meat, but the midwives ARE the care gives for birth!!! I could have chosen the midwifery group at the hospital, gotten through my entire delivery, and STILL not having seen an OB doctor ONCE!!! Midwives are trained, knowledgeable and educated in this!!! This is what they do! And BY THE WAY, you can lay off wanting me to have a pelvimetry. They haven’t done X-rays on pregnant women in more than 30 years! Ma:(laughs) You guys are so weird! You go back to the 1800’s way of doing things, and you expect us to agree with everything! Me: No, Ma! You guys are the ones that are stuck in the 1980’s when we are all the way over here in the 21st century! Ma:(laughs) Could be… fine! Me: So now you feel good? Are you happy? Ma: Now let’s wait for the test results! Me: Sigh…
So things turned out fine in the end. I hope they are coming around to the fact that this is not weird, and they simply just don’t know anything about it. I really hope that home birth movies and the documentary The Business of Being Born (2008) bring my mother around to our way of thinking. Fat chance, but there’s hope.
Weight: 140lbs (delta 25lbs)
Symptoms
Little babycove woke me up with his kicks at 3:30am one morning. I couldn’t get mad, though, I just held onto my belly to make sure I didn’t miss a second of it.
I’m definitely starting to feel the effects of this new body weight on my legs. I can’t stand for long periods of time, and I am walking quite slowly.
I am so tired all the time…
I felt a weird pain on my belly this week. It’d go away when I moved around, but it was very different from the usual intestinal discomforts… it was a bit scary, but there was no sign of preterm labor at all (some of which are passing your mucous plug, bloody show, feeling the baby drop). It was just a different kind of pain. Could have still been intestinal for all I know. It’d gone away by the time I had gotten home. Weird…
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Visited an OB
Penny pinching continues, to save up for the birth!
Welcome to my 8th month of pregnancy! Little Babycove is super active and I’m feeling good!
Tons of things to talk about this week. Let’s start with: my lab results are back! I only know this because I work at the hospital and I have access to my own medical record, otherwise, I’d still be waiting for a call-back from one of the physicians to interpret my results. Doesn’t anyone follow up on these tests??? Anyways, here are my results:
CBC Lab Results (click to enlarge)
The results scared me a little at first. I was convinced I was anemic, and perhaps, technically, I am. The lower limit for hemoglobin is indicated to be 12g/dl, while mine is 10.4g/dl. But how do you explain that the quality of my red blood cells (MCV, MCH) are normal? I searched online, and I found a few things about anemia during pregnancy:
A pregnant woman’s body produces more plasma than red blood cells. It’s a fact of the condition and it is ubiquitous by design.
Because of this, the “floor” value for hemoglobin in pregnancy is supposed to be 11g/dl, and in some countries even 10.5g/dl.
Anemia presents with clear symptoms: being tired all the time, looking pale and exhausted, even lifting your arms seems like too much work.
After I did my homework, I realized that although my hemoglobin count is “low,” it’s really border line. Also, taking into account that this is the way the woman’s body is designed to work during pregnancy, and that I am asymptomatic, I have no other option but to accept the fact that I am not anemic.
I even went on Yahoo! Answers and asked the question: “why would a woman’s body be designed to dilute hemoglobin?” and I received a very thoughtful answer from a user named “C.J.” Here’s the answer:
By Yahoo! Answers user C.J.
I had thought about this when I first got pregnant. I had decided against any sort of supplements while pregnant and through my research I found some interesting theories on this. Most surround the idea of the balance between calcium and iron in the pregnant woman’s system. As I am sure you know, too much calcium in the diet can block the absorption of iron.
The theories I saw talked about how it is possible that pregnant women in a natural state probably do NOT need higher levels of iron in their diet in order for the fetus to develop. In fact, the recommendations and definition of a pregnancy levels of anemia are based solely on ratios of plasma and red blood cells in non pregnant women, then applied to be the same ratios in pregnancy. But why must this be? There is no evidence that the fetus actually requires such high levels of iron. In fact, it is thought that any woman within a normal pre-pregnancy range while pregnant is providing enough for her child.
Now obviously this means that some women will likely still not be in this range if their diets continue by modern standards. The use of calcium supplementation through pills, tums and fortified foods is a major problem here. Calcium is of course important for a healthy pregnancy and to help prevent against osteoporosis. But the most healthy way to gain this calcium without interfering with iron is through cheese and yogurt as your primary sources, with milk secondary. Obviously most pregnant women end up eating more milk and taking supplements nowadays, leading to a distortion in our data on the actual consumption needs of pregnant mothers.
So, it appears that iron levels may not really need to increase (or not by much) while pregnant, and thus our red blood cells do not need to increase as much. Plasma does need to increase because of the variety of other nutrients that needs to be processed through our systems at higher rates than pre-pregnancy.
I ran all this information by my midwives. They didn’t seem to necessarily agree with my “screw iron supplements” attitude, but they did agree that my condition was border line, and that if I wasn’t feeling any symptoms, then they really don’t have any reason to recommend that I take iron supplements. However, they did say I should be adding more protein to my diet, incuding beans, red meats, and dark green vegetables. They said they have been successful in bringing an actual anemic pregnant woman back from the depths of anemia to a semi-normal level by diet alone. They also said that although studies can’t find a link between iron deficiency and risks to the baby, they do believe that the iron deficiency, rather, is a risk for the mother. They didn’t want ME to be anemic. Mothers should stay healthy. I don’t really have a comeback for that 🙂 It’s their job to take care of me.
So that’s my iron update, for whatever it’s worth.
On related news, we had our second prenatal appointment. My pee-stick test continues to be perfectly negative, my belly measures 32cm at 32 weeks, my baby is moving like there’s a dance party in my belly, and the heart beat is strong. This coming Sunday I’ll be making a carb-rich breakfast and measuring my own glucose levels with a diabetics hand-held device my midwives gave me. Brian is worried that I am thirsty all the time, and that might be a sign of diabetes. Recall that the risk of diabetes is that the baby will grow too big, and considering my baby is growing just fine, I don’t really think it’s a concern at this point… but it doesn’t hurt to test it out and see how it goes. I’ll let you know what happens.
On unrelated news, Brian and I continue to pinch pennies like we never have before. I’ve been taking care of our meals during the week by doing very conscious grocery shopping on weekends, and cooking at night. This week I even made one of my mother’s staples: Pasticho (it’s sort of a meat lasagna). It took me 1.5 hours to make, but it fed me for 6 more meals after! 🙂 I also continue selling my books on Amazon, and I’ve made around $350 in one month! I think that’s pretty good, don’t you? So we keep on churnin’!
ALSO, Brian’s family threw us a baby shower this past weekend 🙂 It was very nice and everyone was so generous with their gifts. I’m lucky to be a member of such a caring family 🙂
–I thought I was done with this week, until something happened at the last minute…–
As I’ve been shamelessly posting in these updates, I have experienced on-and-off rectal bleeding throughout pregnancy. On Friday of this week, I went to the bathroom and struggled a bit, which resulted in quite a bit of bright red blood releasing. I assumed this was related to the same thing, and tried not to give it too much thought… until I realized that I was still “spotting” after going to the bathroom. I called my midwife, and she asked me a few questions: had I had sex in the past couple of days? Had I made any significant changes to my diet in the past couple of days? Was I feeling any preterm labor symptoms (i.e. lower back pain, cramps, etc)? The answer to all these questions was No. She said she would recommend an ultrasound, and given that it would be easier for me to get it at the hospital where I work, I might as well do that. The outpatient clinic directed me to the emergency room, and the emergency room directed me to the Labor & Delivery unit (where I recognized everybody because I had been there for work-related observations that same morning — so embarrassing!). Anyways, they put the fetal monitor on, and at 10 minutes, I asked for it to be removed. The baby’s heart rate was fine (~135-140 bpm), and I did not see the necessity to keep blasting my baby with high-frequency ultrasound waves just for the sake of it. To my surprise they did not recommend an ultrasound, but a vaginal exam. Reluctantly, but understanding the necessity, I agreed to it. (All gory, humiliating and horrifying details have been omitted). As it turns out, I have a small benign polyp hanging from my cervix, and it was bleeding. They confirmed I am not dilated, so the blood is coming from outside the uterus. I was relieved to hear a reason for it. The nurse midwife said to just keep an eye on it, and to not ignore it if I bleed through a pad in an hour. She said they don’t usually do anything for those, and I could get it removed after the baby is born. She also made clear that she did not think it was ok for me to refuse the fetal monitoring. She said they like to make sure the baby is moving and there are no neurological issues that prevent the baby’s heart from increasing when he moves around. Considering that I KNOW the baby moves around A LOT, and I did see a spike while he moved during the 10 min it was strapped on, I said I understood, and still refused it.
My discharge orders were to watch out for preterm labor symptoms: contractions, bleeding, decrease in baby movement. They said the baby should be moving 8 times an hour. I won’t lie to you, having refused the fetal monitoring, I had to be reassuring of myself that I had done the right thing, so every 7.5 minutes or so I had to make sure the baby was moving. Even through the following morning I was just feeling for the baby’s movements. It’s been a couple of days now, and my little babycove is as active as he usually is. Nothing to fear. Spotting has not gone away, but it’s not a lot, so I can live with it.
To read more about other women’s experiences with cervical polyps during pregnancy, read this BabyCenter forum.
Symptoms
I can’t stand for more than 3 min at a time… my legs hurt like a motha’! I can walk longer lengths, though, as long as I do it slowly.
Felt light-headed at times. This happened especially after learning about my test results. I may just be very susceptible to suggestion. If you are anything like me, just be really conscious of when your “symptoms” begin — did you just get a lab test that matches those symptoms? You may be bringing them onto yourself! What “cured” me was finding out more about iron supplements and understanding exactly what was going on.
Been wanting to get home, have dinner immediately, and crash. Sleeping at night is still very uncomfortable, so I appreciate the comfortable times I spend napping on the couch.
Spotting due to cervical polyp
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Had my 32 prenatal appointment with my midwives. These last approximately an hour, where we get to discuss ALL of the questions I’ve been gathering for the past 2 weeks. Good prenatal care cannot be served in 20 min intervals… it just can’t!
Got my lab results back
Started eating more red meat, and adding spinach to my morning smoothies
Other than feeling like I REALLY didn’t want to work at all, this week wasn’t half bad.
I took our home-made glucose tolerance test. I made a sweet breakfast of 3 organic buttermilk pancakes, 1/4 cup of syrup, 1 egg over-easy, 1 Dunkin Donuts chocolate chip muffin, and a smoothie containing about 1/2 cup of strawberries, 1.75 cups of all-natural prune juice, and spinach. Here were my glucose test results:
Fasting, before getting out of bed: 77mg/dL (normal range*: less than 95mg/dL)
1 hour after finishing breakfast: 115 mg/dL (normal range*: under 200mg/dL)
2 hours after finishing breakfast: 126 mg/dL (normal range*: under 140mg/dL)
My question is: why was the 2 hour one higher? I would have expected the number to come down… I guess it doesn’t really matter. My numbers don’t even touch the limits of the normal range. The only thing I can think of is that the measurement unit I used has a 10% or so margin of error, so the 115 was actually meant to be higher, and the 126 was meant to be lower. Also, fats added to the carb-full breakfast are supposed to delay the absorption of carbs, so maybe that egg slowed down the results. That’s all I can think of. My midwives said that as long as I was below the limits, they could safely assume I did not have diabetes and was not at risk for it. Obviously, keep an eye on any symptoms in case a follow up test is needed. Yipee!
As a somewhat-related update, someone from the hospital is yet to contact me about my hemoglobin lab test results. Seriously? Not that I want to talk to them at all, I guess I would have expected someone to call me to read the results to me.
Symptoms
Swollen ankles after having tons of sodium-packed chinese food, and being exposed to extreme heats of summer. You could tell it was related to dehydration (due to the increase in sodium and sweating) because if you pressed the swollen ankles with your thumb, you’d see the imprint after you let go. Yikes! This got better by the next morning.
Upper backache. On my left side, in a particular spot. Someone suggested it could be deferred pain from a gas bubble… I don’t know enough to confirm nor deny such a theory.
Going to the bathroom (to do number 1) at least once an hour. Sometimes multiple times an hour depending on how much water I’m drinking.
Still can’t sleep comfortably at night. Wake up in so much pain all over!
Pressure from my baby on my rectum worsened my constipation, which, combined with a pre-existing condition of internal hemorrhoids, turned into external hemorrhoids this week 🙁 Luckily, every website says that this is very common among pregnant women, and it’s bound to resolve itself after the baby is born. But still! 🙁
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Finally got around to buying a body pillow for bed. Seriously, I can’t stand it anymore!
This week was mostly marked by drama than anything else (really, what are shower thank you notes for if not to spice up your life?). But moving on, little babycove is moving around and getting bigger every day. Just 2 more weeks until full term! We are so close!!!
This week we also made some amazing advances in the setting up of the nursery. I managed to organize all the gifts we got (which were ABUNDANT), and Brian’s family very kindly volunteered to come and paint the room. It looks beautiful! I can’t wait to start putting things in their rightful place and getting it all ready to go. I’ll do some more organizing this weekend, and then have Brian’s family over the weekend after to help me organize some more. Hopefully that will be the end of it and we will be ready so that we can put the birth tub in place (in the living room) on week 36, and everything looking good for when my mother arrives on week 37. Things are coming together!
I also noticed that I’m missing a few things from the registry, such as a diaper genie! I had a long discussion with Brian about it last night, and it appears as though he is against having one! He thinks we should just have a regular trash can, and take out the trash every day. So, basically, he’s missing the very important factor of odor control. I decided to compromise a bit and buy a used one on Craigslist for $5 (as opposed to the $35 one on Amazon), and see how it goes. But of course, I can’t get over the fact that each bag costs around $6!!!! That’s how they get you! So I read some advice online, like putting only poopy diapers in the genie, and all others in a regular trash. That way the bag lasts a lot longer (it holds up to 270 diapers)… I just wonder if the odor will remain hidden for 270 diapers. Anyways, we’ll figure it out!
Other things I’m still missing are a hooter hider, a breast pump, a white noise maker, a sound monitor, and a moby wrap. I hope to be able to use most of my gift certificates for these… ayayay. $_$
Next update: I had my prenatal appointment with Sarafina. Everything seems fine, but I seem to be leaking some white blood cells (leukocytes). She mentioned that, all on its own, it’s not really an indicative of anything major, but coupled with some other results, it could mean a urinary tract infection (UTI). I have not had any burning while urinating, and my test didn’t come accompanied by anything else, so we’ll just keep an eye on it.
In this appointment I got to ask about the Group B Strep test. Sarafina said we could do it in our next appointment, and she explained briefly how the treatment at home would go. Instead of getting IV antibiotics, I would basically get a vaginal wash with Chlorhexidine, which is apparently the way they do it in the UK, every so many minutes during labor. I found an article on PubMed saying that the treatment is 50% effective, so I got curious to see how effective antibiotics were. I found an article on PreciousPassage.com from 2003 saying that:
Approximately 0.5 percent of women found to have GBS bacteria in their genital areas at 35 to 37 weeks into their pregnancies and who are not treated with antibiotics will go on to deliver a baby who becomes ill from GBS.
and that
Some studies have shown a decrease in GBS infection in newborns whose mothers accepted TV antibiotics during labor, but no decrease in the incidence of death. (8,9) Still other research has found that preventive use of antibiotics is not always effective. (10) In fact, one study found no decrease in GBS infection of deaths among newborns whose mothers were given IV antibiotics during labor. (11)
I thought I should find more sources before building an educated opinion, so I looked further and found this article from 2011 on ScienceDaily.com that basically said that the third trimester test was only 69% effective, so even if they had GBS, they would go on to have their babies without any treatment:
Among 559 women, GBS prevalence was 19.5% with the third-trimester culture and 23.8% with culture performed on samples collected during labor. Compared with the culture obtained during labor, the third-trimester culture correctly predicted GBS positivity at the time of labor only 69% of the time versus the rapid test which correctly predicted GBS positivity 91% of the time.
568 cases were identified, equivalent to a total incidence of 0.72 per 1000 live-births […]; the incidence for early-onset disease (n=377) was 0.48 per 1000 […], and for late-onset disease (n=191) was 0.24 per 1000 […]. Risk factors were identifiable for 218 (58%) cases of early-onset disease. 53 infants died (overall 9.7%)
So, in other words, in this study between 2000-2001 in Northern Ireland and the UK, they found that 568 babies were infected, which was the equivalent of 0.72% of the total population. And only 58% of those had been identified as high-risk. This paints quite the picture: although the consequences of being infected with Group B strep can be quite dangerous (meningitis, or death), the risk is actually quite small EVEN if you have been identified as high-risk.
Considering that the test poses quite a small risk to your pregnancy and the baby, and it can be done by yourself with a cotton swab, I don’t really see any reason not to do the screen. It’s just important to know that although I have a 30% chance of carrying the bacteria, my baby still has less than 1% chance of becoming infected. It’s just some food for thought.
Weight: 145lbs (delta 30lbs)
Symptoms
It’s getting harder to breathe. Little babycove is pushing up against my diaphragm and restricting my breath, especially when I lie down.
For the first time I felt him pushing against my cervix. It only happened for a second, but I think he’s finding his way to the “locked-in” position. Some women have reported the baby locking in as early as week 33, so I gotta watch for that!
My ankles tend to swell at the end of the day now… I don’t know if it’s the weight, the heat or the things I’ve been eating (or all of the above) but I really gotta start being more careful. I’ll start after my pizza leftovers for lunch 😛
This week I have been feeling that breathing issue that I’ve read so much about. Women experience shortness of breath because the baby gets bigger and starts pushing against the diaphragm. Well, now I feel it whenever I walk a lot, walk up the stairs, or when it’s muggy outside. I just have to remember that I’m not superwoman and I should take it easy.
Also on the forefront of my mind this week is how uncomfortable it is to wake up in the morning. I sleep just fine all night (I’ve never had any issues sleeping), but in the morning (or the middle of the night, 3-4am), I wake up in a sea of muscular pain: my hip, my legs, my back muscles, all of it hurts. I change positions at that time so I can survive the next hour or so (I believe my exact feelings at 3am are: “screw sleeping on your left side!”). After my alarm sounds, some days I get over the leg pain right away, and I just feel tired. Other days I am in such state of discomfort that I opt for driving to the train station and paying the $4 for the day just so I don’t have to walk for 10 min uphill. I don’t like to do that often; after all, it’s better for you to remain active and walking around.
I do have to admit that I don’t understand my limitations yet. The day will come when I can follow these easy rules to avoid further aggravations:
Rule: Drink a glass of prune juice every day. Consequences of noncompliance: I do not get to go to the bathroom that day.
Rule: Eat moderate amounts for every meal, and keep snacks between meals small and healthy. Consequences of noncompliance: belly pains, gas, abdominal discomfort.
Rule: Watch for signs of tiredness, and give in to them. Consequences of noncompliance: you’ll get whiny, your muscles will start to hurt, won’t be able to find a comfortable position sitting down, lying down, or standing up, unless you are in your bed, and, last but not least, you might succumb to the temptation of throwing a temper tantrum (à la misbehaved 4-year-old) at your in-laws house, making a sad spectacle of yourself. Ahem, or so I’ve heard.
Rule: Limit foods high in processed sodium (aka junk food). Consequences of noncompliance: Shrek feet (aka swollen feet)
I’ll learn my lesson one of these days…
On other news, my department at work threw me a little baby shower 🙂 Isn’t that sweet? Some of them had heard me complain of how poor I had been feeling now that our financial situation was about to change, and they were very generous in their gift. What a great way to show me they care 🙂
Symptoms
Random and short-lived episodes of shortness of breath
Abdominal discomfort. Most likely rooted in my ongoing constipation issues.
Tired, aching muscles. Absolute need to rest.
Swollen feet happen whenever I have junk food. Moral of the story: stop eating junk food! It gets better as soon as my diet changes.
Ok… so I am shamelessly giving up on taking care of myself. I have had more pizza, more take-out, more ice cream, more cake, than I have ever had in the span of a week. My body aches, my ankles are swollen, and it is clear that I’m just letting myself go. At 9 months of pregnancy, people’s reaction to this is “good for you! You’re pregnant! You can get away with it!” But I say NO. I should not ever put my own health second, even when I’m “eating for two.” Sure, my blood pressure continues to be normally low (this week it was 98/54), and my pee-stick tests are all perfectly negative at every appointment, but that does NOT give me the right to put myself through this much completely-avoidable discomfort. On Thursday I even went the extra mile (quite literally) and walked to and from a meeting that was WAY too far away in another building. My legs were hurting so much that my department let me borrow a wheelchair to get to the break room and the bathroom all the way down the hall. After a couple of trips, I felt way too silly to continue. I wish I could just make sensible choices the first time around, and then these measures wouldn’t need to be taken!
Just to give you an idea of the excess I’ve been “enjoying” this week: On Tuesday I had pizza left overs for dinner, followed by a big bowl of Cookies n’ Cream ice cream (my favorite flavor), and then a bowl of pop corn with some Crystal Light fruit punch. I mean, seriously, did I need to eat all of that? Not only that, but Friday I got free pizza lunch at work at a meeting, and then go to Brian’s parents’ house to celebrate his father’s birthday where they served… anyone?… you got it! PIZZA. Come ON people! Not helping here!
Oh, btw, a different team from my own department at work threw me and another pregnant girl (who’s due on the same day as me) a baby shower this week. They were so generous and so thoughtful. What a gesture.
Anyways, this week was action packed, especially in the house organization department. Brian’s mother and two sisters came over and smelled, vetted, washed and folded every little piece of hand-me-down baby clothes I got from all sort of different sources. They were AMAZING and now the baby’s room is almost done. We just need one more weekend to finish cleaning everything up and getting my mother’s room all set, and we will be ready for this little fella to join us whenever he feels like it 🙂
There was also some action regarding maternity leave. Long story short: I might be able to take 12 weeks after all, AS LONG AS I deliver by September 1st. There was some drama at one point because HR had told me my benefits would stop after the 8th week, but I’ve cleared all that up and I might be able to make this maternity leave last 3 months. Wouldn’t that be sweet? Details are yet to be ironed out, but it’s all good. Please please please let’s hang on for 2 more weeks! It’s funny how things change: I wanted to last until week 37 so bad, and now I have a new goal 2 weeks away from now! Will I make it???
My mother is coming to stay for a few months starting next week, so she’ll be present at my next prenatal appointment, and I’ll be showering her with videos and imagery of a home birth. The best case scenario would be if she felt comfortable with the idea and felt like she could ask questions about it. I’ll let you know how that goes as well.
In other news, one of the girls from my birthing class had her baby! Read her story at the Good Morning Gloucester blog. What’s neat is that she told her side of the story, and then her husband did. It’s a great read.
Also this week, our doula and our midwives met for the first time. They all came to our house and we walked them through every room of the house, where we keep towels, where we keep paper towels, and we reassured them that we purchased all the items on the list they gave us, plus the birthing kit. As long as we can finish cleaning up the house and putting things in order this week, I think we’ll be good to go!
Lastly, like you haven’t read enough, I am a lot more comfortable telling strangers that I’m having my baby at home 🙂 Ever since I went to visit my friend in Rhode Island, and she told me how excited she was for us, and how she would be screaming it from the rooftops herself, I got a whole new level of confidence 🙂 I’m not shy about it anymore! Bring it on!
Symptoms
Terrible muscular pain when I get up in the morning or in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom
Getting up at 2, 3 or 4am every night to go to the bathroom
Ankles continue to swell like a wet straw wrapper when you add water.
This week has felt a lot better than past weeks. I don’t feel like throwing up immediately after feeling hungry, and I feel like I have been taking care of my food intake a little bit better. I also feel good about not missing my twice-a-week workout sessions. I even went swimming this week! One thing is for sure, though: I miss liverworst and deviled ham and turkey deli meat. What I wouldn’t give for some liverworst. Anyways, we visited Norwood Hospital and Newton-Wellesley Hospital this week. I also informed my sister (who has 2 kids) and my mother about my intentions to go natural (I’d been dreading the conversation, big *gulp*). See the chronicle in the “Actions” section below.
Weight: 128 lbs (delta* 13lbs) * henceforth used to describe “difference from pre-pregnancy weight”
Symptoms
The nausea is mostly gone. I still feel a little sick when I am hungry, but I am able to not eat for longer periods of time (yay)
I’m really looking more pregnant now… a guy coworker stopped me in the elevator and asked me if I was expecting, and I said yes, but not without warning him that he probably should not be asking women if they are pregnant! What if he was wrong??
Snoring continues. Still banned to the guest room on weeknights. Big boo.
My tailbone is starting to really bother me. It started this past weekend when I went to the theater… and now it hurts every time I sit or lay down on it. I can’t be THAT heavy… can I?
Constipation was pretty rough this week
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Started to freak out about getting super duper fat legs, so I re-focused my workout to slimming my legs.
Booked us for the natural birthing classes with Nancy Wainer for April
Visited Norwood Hospital. The reason to consider it was convenience: 5 min from home. We quickly discarded it when they informed us during the private tour that they do not have a midwifery service (and we are not interested in having an OB surgeon do our care). However, the tour guide (who is also some kind of manager for maternity) was kind enough to spend 2 whole hours with us talking about natural birth, how she had 5 of her 6 children naturally, and only the second one was a C-section (2 were born at Newton-Wellesley, while the other 4 were born at home). We talked about all of my questions and concerns, and she was a wealth of information. Having gone through it herself, and having been in the birthing business (giving classes, being a doula and midwife herself, etc) in several hospitals in the area throughout her career, we found her reassurance of the natural process refreshing. We were on the same page. She quickly noticed Norwood would not be the right place for us, but she had great things to say about Newton-Wellesley, which we would be seeing 4 days later. We asked why she picked Newton-Wellesley over Norwood, and she just said she was not comfortable giving birth around all her coworkers (can’t blame her!), but that was really the only reason. She said Norwood had a very small and tight-knit practice, and our wishes would be respected there (just like anywhere else). She gave us her email address, and offered us her help in contacting doulas so we can interview a few. It was a great talk. I’ll definitely go back for the free breast-feeding classes after babycove is born. She also said she had worked with Nancy Wainer before, and, although she believes the classes will be great for us, she did warn us about taking certain suggestions with a grain of salt and really be discriminative about the advice we receive. After all, there are all different points of “hardcoreness” in the spectrum of natural birth, and we have to find the point that is right and comfortable for us. We thanked her for all her advice.
Visited Newton-Wellesley Hospital (NWH). There were 10 other couples there, which made the tour very impersonal and overwhelming. It wasn’t like the tour at Cambridge Birthing Center, where the 10 couples got to sit down for about an hour and just ask all the questions they had about how things worked. In NWH, we jumped straight to the tour. It was intimidating to ask questions because you felt like you were holding up the tour. That didn’t stop me, of course, but it did overwhelm me. It made me feel like the whole operation was one big factory. My husband noticed it, too. Turns out that they didn’t have any labor rooms that were clean to tour, so while we were waiting to see if one would get cleaned, my husband pointed out the “factory” resemblance to me, and I just broke down and cried. I don’t want to have my baby in an assembly line. I was also surrounded by people who were getting their deliveries induced or having a c-section, which made it uncomfortable for me (once again) to ask questions about the needs in a natural delivery situation. I asked the tour woman if they would be careful to pair you up with a nurse who was more supportive of natural deliveries, and she had the gonads to say that “all nurses are supportive of natural delivery equally” — umm, excuse me, but that can’t be possible. In every other place we have seen, they are careful to note that they DO understand there is a difference and it requires a special kind of nurse; what makes NWH so special that this wouldn’t be the case here? I just found it useless to ask any more questions after that. If she didn’t know how things really worked, then I couldn’t trust any of her answers. Later on, my husband brought up the excellent point to me that we had been spoiled in other tours with very personal attention, and maybe we just got a really bad tour. He suggested we interviewed a nurse-midwife who delivers at NWH and get her take on how things really work, and maybe get a new tour of the labor rooms when it’s not so busy. He had a good point… but my mind kept going back to Cambridge Birthing Center. It’s still far away and it still defaults to Cambridge Hospital (not the best), but it met my needs exactly. And, if we ever wanted to do a home delivery in the future, I felt more and more strongly that Cambridge Birthing Center would be a good stepping stone in our preparation as opposed to a hospital.
Set up two pre-natal appointments for the first week of April: one with a nurse-midwife from the Women’s Health Associates (WHA) midwifery group (which services NWH), and another with a nurse-midwife from Cambridge Birthing Center. Turns out they won’t let you just “screen” or “interview” groups, so I had to set up full blown pre-natal appointments with both. They asked me all my insurance information, and WHA even asked me to bring a copy of my medical records.
Told my mother and my sister (Monica Geller) about my intentions to go natural. To my surprise, my mother was more open-minded about the whole thing than my sister was. My mother had pretty rough deliveries (all with epidural, some with pitocin), but her sister (my aunt) had a very seamless one, so she’s giving me the benefit of the doubt and has vowed to be super supportive once she has the opportunity to tell me about her own experience (they say your mother’s labor is similar to your own, so I asked for the stories). On the other hand, my sister was more inquisitive: “why do I want to go natural? When she had her first, she felt good about the epidural, and for her second she had to get a c-section even though she had not gotten an epidural, so really all this preparation I’m doing is going to go out the window on that day” — if that’s her way to be supportive, I don’t want to see her trying to instill actual fear! I told her I expected her to be more supportive than that, and she vowed to change her tune. As a side note: going natural is like going against the grain in the United States; so, if you live here, you’re probably finding that everybody has an opinion about why you would be so crazy to do this without drugs and that you are being close-minded by not wanting to hear other people’s real-life stories. But remember: this is not one of those situations when listening to other people’s experiences help your own, because every single labor situation is different, and just because something happened to one person doesn’t mean that it will happen to you. Who knows how they prepared (if at all) for their delivery, who knows what kind of support they had around them, who knows what kind of doctor they had — these factors will likely be different for you. So you could arm yourself with all the stories you want to hear, but if they are mostly negative, your mind will be affected negatively, you will breed fear, and your chances of making it through natural delivery will diminish. Think of this more as one of those situations when positive thinking, a LOT of preparation and study, learning new pain-management positions and ways to breathe, and people around you cheering for you and praising you, are the things that are going to help you through. So hang in there, and make sure that you do have a strong support group around you. The greatest enemy on the day of labor is fear. Fear tenses the muscles and exacerbates pain. Make sure you will have people around you telling you you are doing great, and you are doing the right thing. This is almost the most important piece of the natural-birth preparation puzzle because, take it from me, you will need the help.
This was a pretty boring week in terms of things to do. In fact, I didn’t really do much at all. I just went home and watched TV. Since I had been putting in early mornings at the hospital, I had come home totally BEAT. I took more naps than I care to admit. I did, though, get a chance to cook a little more (check out the recipes here). Because of that, I didn’t get to the gym 🙁 So I feel myself getting out of shape, and I didn’t get to measure my weight. Oh well, maybe next week?
Symptoms
Bloody nose continues. I don’t know when this started, maybe about 3 weeks ago? But every time I blow my nose I see blood. It’s normal now.
I can feel the baby move! It’s still early, and it’s about the height of an apple, but it IS moving. So if I lie really still, and put my hand under my belly button, I can feel something moving in there. It feels like a muscle spasm, and it’s very irregular. It’s hard to hear it over my own blood-flow/heartbeat, but it’s there! My husband can’t feel it yet, because I can’t really feel it with my hand, I feel it inside. The reason I have to put my hand on is to apply pressure, so that the movement can be felt by my outer “hull” nerve endings. Quite exciting, though 🙂 It’s like having an alien inside you: you can’t control it! It’s alive, and it’s just there!
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Purchased maternity tops. It was starting to look pretty pathetic trying to fit into my old shirts.
Bought a new bra (went up one cup size… and, by the way the new bra feels, most likely a whole size around my torso – ouch! Might need to go back for a new one)
I continue to use a face scrub at night to prevent more acne (I’ve tried Noxzema, and it’s great! But this time I’m using Neutrogena gentle scrub). It’s actually helped keep my face clear. After all, I don’t wear foundation on a daily basis, so the visible acne does get pretty embarrassing.
Continue to think of baby names, which my husband continues to shoot down without adding any to the list. Great help, huh? I actually got mad at him for this this week. He better start contributing some names! I’m not in love with any names yet… this is so hard!!!
I did not go to the gym this week, and I definitely paid for it on week 16!
Reading
A friend of a friend, Lily, had her second baby at Cambridge Birthing Center and she loved it! Read her story here
This week was both exciting and a little blah. I sent a picture of myself to my family, and the consensus is that my belly looks really big for how far along I am. Some chuck it to it being a girl (girls, according to the old wives’ tale, make you fat during pregnancy) and some others say it’s just a big baby (my husband, standing tall at 5’11”, is the shortest of his brothers). So who knows. Baby Center says that the top of my uterus should be half way between my belly button and my pubic bone. Here’s a tip: if you have an orgasm, your uterus contracts (hardens) for about an hour, an hour and a half. So it’s a lot easier to feel where the uterus begins and ends just by feeling your belly with your hand. My uterus appears to be right at my belly button. Maybe it’s happening like that because I have a small frame, so the normal measurements are not applying to me exactly.
This week, my next door neighbor, Ethel, gave birth to a little baby girl! I was so eager to help out and to be there for her, that I took the day off from work. To my inexplicable surprise, her husband’s family was around to help them take care of the house, their 2 year old daughter, etc, so there wasn’t much for me to help with. It just made me realize that my eagerness to be there for them was analogous to my missing my family so much, and not knowing if they are going to be around when I give birth myself 🙁 It was really sad for me. I just miss them so much and I wish they could spend this chapter in my life with me 🙁
Oh, and in case you were curious, Ethel bravely made it through 80% of her labor without anesthesia, but really needed a break a couple of hours before pushing so she got the epidural. Her pushing stage was long and hard (as expected), but everything went very well and she’s recovering.
Let’s end this week on a bright note, though: we now have 2 girl names on the list, and 1 boy name. We need more boy names! I’m almost wishing it was a girl, so we could pick one of the awesome names on that list. I also got my husband’s family excited about thinking about them, so it’s been fun 🙂
Weight: 131lbs (delta 16lbs)
Symptoms
Sleepy… zzzzzzzzzz. I got a great night sleep, but I could not keep my eyes open beyond 3pm. What is wrong with me?
Constipation continues.
It might just be the dry winter air, but I have a lot of little irritated dots on the back of my hand. They seem to be multiplying. They feel like scratches, so it could just be dry hands. On the same dry skin note, I had to start bringing facial moisturizer to work and apply multiple times a day: my face is SO dry! It had not been like this all winter! I’m blaming pregnancy.
Due to my gaining weight around my thighs, they have started to rub against each other when I walk, which is making them chafe! It’s painful, so I’ve had to start wearing spandex under my pants to prevent further skin friction
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Finally got around to sending a picture of my belly to my family. It looks HUGE considering I’m only 4 months preggo, but they liked it 🙂 The main authorities on determining the sex of the baby by just looking at my belly are my aunt and my mother, and even they are split (aunt = girl, mother = boy). Interesting.
Resumed going to the gym, with special attention to my thigh muscles
Stopped taking my pre-natal vitamins until further notice. I might be a little crazy, but I just don’t think it’s natural to add something to your body all of the sudden, and to trust stuff made by companies that are not even certified by the FDA especially when what you intake is so crucial to the development of your baby. I took them for the first trimester, which is when it’s critical to take folic acid for the baby’s formation, but after that, you just need good calcium and iron intakes (and obviously some other Vitamins), but I do eat a lot of meat (tons of iron) and I don’t shy away from cheese or ice cream or some milk with my cereal in the morning (calcium), so I just don’t see the point of taking them. Who knows what they are really made of anyway? I’ll ask about this in my next pre-natal appointment next week. The article below says that you could opt for not taking them, as long as you are getting some nutricional counseling. I’ll look into that, too.
This week I had two pre-natal appointments: one with the Newton-Wellesley Hospital midwives, and one with the Cambridge Birthing Center midwives; however, after going to the former, I decided to cancel the latter. Read about our experience below, under Actions. At the pre-natal appointment we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat! It was fast and strong, and made me feel so proud of my little resident. It’s there! It’s really in there!
We also had to make a decision of whether to have an ultrasound in the next couple of weeks, or not at all. As I may have mentioned, I really didn’t want to have an ultrasound until the baby was older… but apparently the insurance will only pay for the ultrasound if it’s done between weeks 18-20. The reason is that this is the optimal age for the doctors to detect certain defects in the baby, which may not be detectable by this method in the future. If we wanted to forgo this ultrasound, it is 100% our choice, but we would not be able to get another one later on just to find out the sex, unless we paid for the test out of pocket (ouch). I really didn’t want to do an ultrasound, but we do want to find out the sex of the baby so we can prepare. What I am scared of is of finding out something that might be worrisome through a test that is not conclusive. You see, the ultrasound is a screening device, NOT a diagnostic device. If they do find something, it would be the “probability” of something. The actual diagnostic would happen later through additional testing. I’m just really afraid of them suspecting something, add all that extra stress, and then it turning out to be false. My husband is of the thinking that the baby is totally fine, and the screens will come out negative, and this is just an opportunity to find out the sex of the baby. If he’s right, there’s really nothing to fear.
On a side story, Ethel has been having a really hard time breast feeding (her ducts are clogged, so it takes a long time to massage them and finally feed — it’s taking up all of her time). I feel really bad and I wish I could help. I went over there last night and basically offered my services for laundry or to babysit or to bring them dinner some night. ANYTHING that will get her to feel a little bit less overwhelmed. I really hope they take me up on it. Hang in there, Ethel!
Weight: 131 lbs (delta 16lbs)
Symptoms
My tailbone is KILLING me: it’s so painful! I can sit, but it’s so hard to stand back up. I definitely look like a pregnant lady when I am getting up off a chair (picture it… that’s what it looks like).
Constipation continues.
I’m more tired now after a workday. On Monday I fell asleep after dinner (around 7pm), and didn’t wake up until 11:30pm. Went back to bed at midnight and slept until my alarm at 5am. I still can’t make an official direct correlation to the pregnancy, since I have been getting up early for work meetings. I’ll keep an eye on it and report back.
Bloody noses have subsided. I still show a little blood when I blow my nose, but it’s nothing like it was in the past few weeks.
The baby has been kicking up a storm! It’s like it’s trying to tell me something in morse code 🙂 They say I’m feeling it really early, it could be due to my small frame.
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Went to the gym! It’s definitely getting harder to exercise… maybe I should go more often to keep up. Twice a week might not be good enough anymore. Man, I wish I owned a treadmill.
Visited Women’s Health Associates: this is the midwifery group that services Newton-Wellesley Hospital. The midwife we saw was Midwife A. The practice has 3 midwives in total, which is great, because that means I’d only have to go through the trouble of meeting two other midwives in preparation for delivery (any one of them could be on call that day, so it helps to know all of them personally). The practice is located in Wellesley, MA, on Rt. 9 westbound, right off of I-95, which is very convenient as it does not require a lot of backroads. The exam room was lit with a warm pink light, which felt strange at first, but then I understood why it was that way: if they had used regular hospital-like exam-room fluorescent lights, it would have felt very cold and impersonal, while the soft lighting made the entire experience be very intimate. Midwife A sat us down and started explaining their philosophy: most women come to them because they are interested in a drug-free delivery, and that is their specialty. She calculated that about 25% of women receive an epidural when under their care (making for a 75% success rate with natural deliveries, which was encouraging). She was very patient with all of our questions, which ranged anywhere from “can I eat liverwurst?” to “I want to stop taking pre-natal vitamins” (see my Q&A below). She was very patient with all of our questions; however, I did want to make sure she understood what we needed and I wanted to walk away with a clear feeling on how they would handle the day of delivery. So I told her that my biggest fear around hospitals was that because the epidural would be THERE, I’d be inclined to ask for it, even though that is NOT what I really want. I told her I really needed a strong support team around me to help me through this. She said that, although the epidural IS there and they will not deny it to anyone, they will probably take my request and ask me something like “well, why don’t we try this position for the next couple of contractions?” things like that, to try to keep me away from the drugs. That’s EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. If they caved in at the first request, then there would really no point in even trying to go natural. Her response was very reassuring. She also explained that, because they don’t work directly at the hospital as staff, they are able to stay with you for most of the time you are in labor (this is different from other hospitals, where the midwives have multiple deliveries going on at once and might pop in once every couple of hours). I asked her if, in that case, it would even make sense to have a doula (see the Q&A). In conclusion, it was a great idea to talk to the midwives and find out how this actualy works. It was encouraging and very reassuring. NWH has a leg up on Cambridge Birthing Center because it’s closer to my house, which makes the uncomfortable commute time far shorter. Here are a few questions I asked the midwife, and what she said: Q&A
Should we have a doula? A: She said that the doula might be really helpful at home, because the biggest mistake people make is to come to the hospital too early. The doula will come to my house and help me through it, and determine when it’s time to head for the hospital. Once at NWH, the midwives will assess the situation: if I have a groove going with the doula or with my husband, they will not interrupt that groove. They will only assist in any way that they are helpful, but they will not take over. The involvement of the midwife is then dependent on what is happening at the moment.
What are these dots in the back of my hand? They feel like broken skin from the dry winter air, but I’ve never had them before! A: They are just dry skin. Keep it moisturized.
What is the redness on my face? I thought it was acne, but I have not seen any zits… just red bumps. A: If you don’t see zits, it doesn’t look like it could be acne. Might be rosacea. If it really bothers you, you could see a dermatologist about it. Just use a mild soap.
Is it ok to exercise, even though I have never exercised before? I do some brisk walking, swimming and stationary bike. A: Yes, regular exercise is great. Just listen to your body when you think you’re overdoing it.
My tailbone is killing me! What should I do? A: That is a common symptom, and it will get worse. It’s your joints stretching and getting ready to carry your new weight. Do some stretches and/or yoga to help the pain, but don’t expect it to go away. If it really bothers you, you can see a chiropractor.
Will the pain on my tailbone make labor that much harder? A: It depends on how bad you perceive the pain to be.
Can I eat liverwurst? A: You can eat anything that is not raw. Check the package and make sure it’s PASTEURIZED. The same goes for soft cheeses. (sadly, liverwurst does not say “pasteurized” on it 🙁 neither does deviled ham)
I am done with pre-natal vitamins. The way I look at it, I know what is going into my body, except for those things. They are not regulated by the FDA which means that I don’t truly know what is in them… and even if they WERE regulated, I still don’t know if I should trust it so blindly. I’d like to compensate with diet. A: No doctor is going to give you a hard time if you feel so strongly about it. Just make sure you are watching your iron intake, which is the one that your baby will deplete you of the fastest, and compensate with a lot of fruits and veggies.
What can I do about my constipation? A: You should drink a lot of water, and may take colace (over-the-counter stool softener)
Chose a hospital!!! This is a big big big milestone. Glad all that is done.
Scheduled our first (real) ultrasound for April 22nd. My parents are going to be here then, so it couldn’t have been timed better!
Started asking around about pediatricians in the area. Ethel is very happy with hers (Norwood Pediatrics). I also ran into my basement architect, and he said his friends were happy with one in Westwood. I’ll keep you posted of our research!
My husband left me this week. Not for good, just for a week. Still hurts, though.
This whole week I was wishing I didn’t have to work. I wanted to be home, take care of the house in preparation for my parents’ visit next week, cook my meals, clean up… sigh… anyways, no such luck. I worked all week long, and it wasn’t an easy one either! However, I did manage to change my routine a little bit: I started waking up at 5am in order to have a better breakfast and to spend a little more down time in the morning. Also, this allows me to take the long way to the train and do a little bit of walking even before the day has begun! Other than that, the baby has been really active and kicking up a storm. Loving every second of it.
I also started interviewing doulas. This will be interesting…
Weight: 129.5lbs (delta 14.5lbs)
Symptoms
Constipation continues
Baby’s kicks are getting stronger! Maybe soon my husband will be able to feel them! I pretty much feel the baby every few hours. I’ve gotten so used to it that I worry if I don’t feel it for a while. Little babycove has become my little body companion 🙂
Maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it’s the newfound motherly instinct, but I find myself crying to songs I have been listening to and enjoying for YEARS. The latest one to make me cry is Las Chicas del Can – Me siento tan sola which is about a girl who gets pregnant by her boyfriend who dumped her quickly afterwards, and has to run away because her parents were adamant about her getting an abortion. It’s a merengue song, of all things… great song, but makes me cry when I hear it now.
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Began interview process for doulas. Our contact at Norwood Hospital was kind enough to send a message to the doula list-serv, and I got 16 responses over 2 days!!! I picked 4 (pretty much at random) and I interviewed 2 this week, and will interview 2 more next week. I figured if I don’t feel 100% right about any of them, I could keep going down the list.
Things I look for in a doula:
Reasonable price (the range appears to be $700 to $1200 for 2 prenatal appointments, help throughout labor and delivery, and 1 post-partum visit)
Chemistry. I have to get along with her, not be afraid to speak my mind, and make sure that my wishes are the priority here.
Speaking of wishes, she has to be 100% supportive of MY plan. I do not welcome anyone with their own agendas. After all, there are a lot of points in the wide spectrum of natural delivery, and I can’t expect everyone to share EXACTLY my point of view, but I do demand that they respect it.
A GOOD answer to the question “what if I crack and I say I want the epidural after all?” I have to say the best answer I have received so far is “we’ll have our own code word for when you can’t handle it anymore and you are POSITIVE you want it.” I really liked that. That means I can ask for it, but as long as I’m not saying my code word, I know I won’t be taken seriously. Knowing me like I know myself, I know when I’m asking for things just to test the waters, and when I’m asking for something because I really mean it. So that technique would work great! I look forward to more good responses.
Non-bossy demeanor, but strong-willed. I should be the bossy one in the room, but I will need her to stand her ground and defend my wishes to the docs and nurses.
Someone who will help my husband become engaged in the process.
Made sure to work out most days, either by going to the gym and doing leg/thigh exercises, or by taking the long way to the train in the morning (30min walk vs 10min walk).
Took some colace (or the CVS generic equivalent)
Invited my inlaws to our ultrasound. If they accept the invitation, it will be a full house! (my parents will be there for sure)
Tons of things happened this week… let’s get organized here: Found a Doula!
I ended up picking the one that was the LEAST experienced of all the ones I interviewed, but the one that I had the best chemistry with. I am very glad I interviewed 5 doulas ranging from $700 to $1300, because I knew what was a good deal and what wasn’t. I’m excited about my choice! Had my first hormone-induced burst-out-crying-for-a-stupid-reason event
I burst out crying when the lady at the appliance store service department was totally rude to me on the phone. I called my husband and I started to bawl! I can’t imagine what my husband must have been thinking of me right at that moment. Started Birthing Classes
I attended the first of nine sessions to learn about natural birth (hypnobirthing tecniques, and getting you in the right mindset to deliver without drugs). My mother went with me, since my husband was out of town. The class was good, but I definitely have my reservations. Listen, I am the first proponent of natural delivery and a completely drugless process, but I felt like I was too “liberal” for that class. Every single couple there was planning a home birth, which I applaud with all sincerity, but I felt very much on the spot. The midwife, Nancy Wainer, did say to me that many couples change their mind after her class and decide to do it at home. I felt a bit uncomfortable at the thought that she might want to change my mind, as opposed to just letting me do my thing. Recall that a hospital was not my first choice either, but now that our decision has been made, midwives and doulas alike are supposed to just support you in your plan. So you’ll understand if I was a little put off by her comments about how hospitals are just the worst places to have babies, and she admitted herself to being somewhat cynical. I had vowed to take the class with a grain of salt (I was kind of expecting her to be way out there), and to watch for anything that might not “fit” my style… but it might take more concentration than I thought. I would recommend that she stuck to telling us about all the techniques and wonders about having a baby on your own, and empower us to do so, and I wished she checked the fear-mongering cynical remarks at the door. There is no further need to compare home birth to hospital birth when the people sitting in the room have already made their choice. You got our attention, now you can stop trying to “sell” the idea to us.
I do have to say that her associate, Sarafina Kennedy was lovely. I wished she taught every class. She was very supportive and never once put down hospitals (I did make it clear from the start I would not be doing it at home, so she appeared to be sensitive to that which was much appreciated!). Instead, she focused on the facts and misconceptions, and how they might not make sense sometimes. It was a very educational session, and I felt very free to ask my questions. Sarafina is just awesome. Next week the class will be taught by Nancy… I just hope her rants don’t turn off my husband from ever coming back with me. My Belly Popped!
How do you know when your belly pops? It’s the first time you notice that your belly is now hard and getting its own shape. It’s no longer a blob of fat gathering in your front midsection, but like an actually pregnant woman’s belly. My belly was red for like a half day, and it just felt very hard overnight. In short: it popped 🙂 Had an ultrasound
We found out we are having a boy!!! Here’s how that went: I was quite scared of the experience. I don’t like to be manhandled, and I didn’t want the tech to push too hard on my belly. I was dreading the whole thing. We ended up having a very nice tech who talked with us, shared with us, and talked us through what she was looking for in the images. When it was time to tell the sex, I asked her if she could show me, and I would call it. She went ahead and took a perfect picture… it was really easy to tell it was a boy!!! And she concurred. To prepare for this, I trained myself on how to read gender in ultrasounds (here are some great examples), and then I took a quiz here.
I always thought I’d be having a boy, so it felt good to be right. The reason I thought this is because there is a theory out there that says that Y-chromosome spermatozoids (which produce boys) travel faster than X-chromosome sperm (which produces girls), but they die sooner. Conversely, X-chrom sperm travels slower but lives longer. Since we conceived towards the end of my egg’s life (a whole 2 days after ovulation), I suspected that the Y-chrom sperm had gotten there first. We didn’t actually plan it this way (we had actually thought that we had missed ovulation when we decided to “try” but we went ahead with it anyway knowing we’d have a 10% chance of conceiving at that point), but I knew where we were in our ovulation time and knew of this theory. Anyways, that’s why they tell you that if you want to have a girl, you should have intercourse 2-3 days before ovulation so that the Y-chrom sperm has died by the time the egg meets the sperm that is left alive (X-chrom), and if you want to have a boy you would wait until after ovulation to make sure that the sperm that gets there first will fertilize the egg. This is called the Shettles Method.
It's a boy! You are looking at the baby from the bottom, so the butt is on the bottom left of the screen, and the white stick at the bottom of the screen going from bottom center towards the upper right is most likely a leg bone.
Weight: 129.5lbs (14.5 delta lbs)
Symptoms
Belly popped!
Constipation continues. This is by far the worst symptom of pregnancy. I’ve been feeling little sharp pains all over my belly, just like you feel when you have some gas. The colace was not really helping (I took small dosages) so I took the max dosage last night (3 pills) and we’ll see how it goes.
Hormone-induced crying spree.
Feel the baby fluttering about pretty much every hour
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Took first birthing class (1 of 9)
Took max dosage of colace for the constipation
Got my ultrasound done and found out the sex of the baby.
My parents were here all week. Visiting parents always seems like a nice enough idea in theory, doesn’t it?… to my credit, it took a whole WEEK before we had a blow up argument. That’s gotta be worth something, right? At least it’s worth the lesson that: 1 week is the visit limit! Anyways, in short: my father had no interest in understanding what this whole hippy-granola natural-birth situation was all about, and he did all he could to provoke me and try to get me to trip over the information I was giving him. They say I was getting defensive, but I tell you: how can you be the one to be labeled as “defensive” when someone else is coming at you on the “offensive”??? It is not paranoia if someone is ACTUALLY out to get you! (Deep breaths) I did apologize for totally overreacting in the end… but we’ve pretty much determined that my father’s presence might be a detriment to the process… so he’s been encouraged to come visit after the baby is born (as opposed to coming before the due date like my mother plans to do). I feel good about that. To all natural-birthers out there: check non-believers at the door. You’ll need all the support you can get, and stress is the last thing you’ll need around on labor day.
Symptoms
Baby is growing so his kicks are getting more and more noticeable! My husband was able to feel them by placing his hand on my belly! FINALLY!!!! Great times.
Weird dreams! I had a horrible dream where I was bleeding out uncontrollably (although it look more like marinara sauce) and even some amniotic fluid was being released. They thought I was in labor, as apparently (in my dream) these were normal signs. But I had no cramping, no contractions, nothing. So the doctors wanted to wait a couple days to see if the issue went away on its own. In the meantime I was worried that I was miscarrying after 20 weeks. Then the girls from Sex and the City suggested I hired Matthew McConaughey as my OB, when he was just an orderly (according to the hospital’s physician database). Then there was something about replacing a tub in the second floor of an old southern house… Which Matthew McConaughey also took care of. Anyways… dreams go into overdrive during pregnancy. Weird dreams are bound to ensue.
Constipation continues. I drink water like a fish, and every so often have the maximum dosage (3 pills) of CVS’s generic equivalent of Colace. Exercising seems to help a lot more when combined with these treatments.
It’s become very uncomfortable to sleep on my side all night. I keep waking up belly-up in the middle of the night and then freaking out and turning to my side (you’re not supposed to sleep on your back as the weight may put too much pressure on a vital vein running through your body).
It’s also uncomfortable to go to bed right after dinner… I’ll have to opt for early dinners now. This is what Baby Center recommends:
Heartburn and indigestion can make it extra uncomfortable to lie down in bed. What to do: Avoid foods that trigger your heartburn, give yourself two to three hours to digest a meal before going to bed, and try sleeping semi-upright in a comfy recliner or propped up with extra pillows under your upper body.
My legs cramped up while I was taking a nap yesterday. Here’s what Baby Center says about that:
Leg cramps jar you out of a deep sleep. What to do: Ease the cramp by straightening your leg, heel first and gently flexing your toes back toward your shins, or walk around for a few minutes.
Acne has gotten a bit worse. I keep telling myself to lay off chocolates, but I eat such few sweets anyway, that I allow myself a bite-sized Twix if I want to during the day. This is what Baby Center has to say about acne:
Acne. Increased oil production may contribute to the development (or worsening) of acne. If that’s the case, be diligent about washing well with a gentle soap or cleanser twice a day, and make sure that any moisturizer or make-up you use is oil-free. Don’t take any oral acne medications – some are very hazardous during pregnancy – or use any topical acne products without first checking with your practitioner.
My nipples have definitely gone from Pretty in Pink to Brown Eyed Girl. This is what Baby Center has to say about it… it’s not much, but you are definitely not alone!!!
You may be able to see veins under the skin of your breasts, and you may find that your nipples are getting bigger and darker. After the first few months, your areolas — the pigmented circles around your nipples — will also be bigger and darker.
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Started working out again (yeah, it’s hard for me to stay on the mark with this… but now that the weather is nicer, it’s been pleasant to go outside and do some walking/jogging in the morning)
Found out that my sister is getting varicose veins… so I think I should start following some advice to prevent them! This is what Baby Center has to say about it:
Varicose Veins. As your pregnancy progresses, there’s increasing pressure on the veins in your legs; higher progesterone levels, which may cause the walls of your veins to relax, can make the problem worse. You’re more likely to get varicose veins if other family members have them. Also, they tend to get worse with each successive pregnancy and as you age. To help prevent or minimize varicose veins, exercise daily, prop up your feet and legs whenever possible, sleep on your left side, and wear maternity support hose.
I’ve been allowed back into our bedroom due to my parents taking up the guest room, yay! Hope it sticks
Week 21 started out with allergies allergies allergies. I called my insurance company’s nurse, and she said I was only allowed to spray saline in my nose. Then I called my midwife on call and she said that Claritin was fine (normal dosage, daily until symptoms subside – notice this is NOT the same as Claritin D which you should stay away from!!!), and Benadryl was good (but makes you drowsy, so only take it at night IF NEEDED, instead of Claritin). She also said to stay away from Sudafed… and if it’s absolutely necessary, use it very sparingly (one dosage, period). Anyways, took a Claritin for a couple of days (one pill per day) and I feel much better. Other than that, I’ve just been battling constipation. You are probably sick of hearing about this crap (hah — or lack thereof!), but I guess it’s become one of those things that has DEFINED this pregnancy. I have been drinking 5 bottles of water at work (between 7 and 5) since I don’t drink much water once I get home, and also take Colace whenever it gets really bad. Anyways, other than that, the belly has been growing and kicking up a storm. I love feeling it in there! I’m certainly going to miss my little alien companion when he comes out.
Also, this week we grew disillusioned with our birthing classes, yet again. The main midwife, Nancy Wainer, showed us a slide show of high risk pregnancies that had successfully ended in vaginal deliveries, but continued to dodge questions about the options and techniques available to deal with those situations without recurring to C-section. I became very fearful and angry at not getting the information right away, so we set up a meeting with Nancy to discuss these concerns for Sunday (it actually turned out OK! Read my debrief on week 22).
Symptoms
Constipation continues
Acne has gotten worse… it’s not pimples, just red spots… some are itchy. I have started washing my face with Neutrogena more often (mornings and evenings).
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The backup doula replied she would love to be the backup, but has not answered my question about her backup rates… not sure if she has any? I wait.
Week 22 started with a BANG. First of all, I quit eating cheese altogether in hopes that will help my constipation issue. By Saturday, I had a great urge to go to the bathroom, but nothing was coming out. After an embarrassingly long time, and a really painful process, I was able to release what I think has been clogging my whole system from the start. It’s as if I had swallowed a plug that was slowing everything down, and I finally let it out. Of course, rectal bleeding ensued. I really hope that was the worst of it, and we are able to just get along from now on. Still, cheese is out of my life for a little while.
As for my conversation with Nancy Wainer, it went much better than expected. We charged in there, and basically explained to her where we were coming from: we have done all the research that can be done, and we were committed to a natural birth (even against the, albeit uninformed, wishes and concerns of our own family and friends). We had also decided that a hospital might be the best place for us. Having said that, it is very important that we KNOW what our options are if the baby is breeched, or if I’m pushing for 4 hours without any outcome, or if they want to do a c-section ’cause they just don’t know what is wrong. If we don’t know what the alternatives to C-sections are, we will not be able to fight the C-section suggestions, and all of this would be for naught. So it’s time for her to start spilling the beans on what to do! She profusely apologized for creating any additional anguish, and stressed that wasn’t her intent. She then proceeded to spend 2 hours with us telling us about high risk pregnancies, high risk baby positions, and when a C-section was ACTUALLY warranted. She also suggested some books (Ina May’s Guide to Birth, The Thinking Woman’s Guide to A Better Birth, and Gentle Birth Choices) and articles regarding when to cut the umbilical cord (1 hour to 1.5 hours after birth), and why babies do not need a shot of Vitamin K immediately after birth. We felt very relieved afterwards, and ended up asking her what her fees were to do (additional) pre-natal appointments with her. We figured that we couldn’t get free advice forever, and there were certain factoids about nutrition that she advises her clients on and my husband wanted to “unlock” those secrets by scheduling a formal appointment 🙂 She was really great, and made sure we didn’t feel rushed at all. I also felt comfortable that now she knows why we made the decisions we made, and, although it really shouldn’t matter whether she approves or not, it’s important to me to not feel judged in her class. Here are some pieces of advice she gave us:
Make sure that my midwives take the time to get to know me and understand what my wishes are.
Don’t let them take the baby away from you. As soon as he’s born, press him against your bare chest for however long you need (normally an hour or so). It is also encouraged to try to breast-feed almost right away if possible. Take your time. You are not in a rush. Let the cord stay for as long as it’s needed, and enjoy the moment.
Ask the midwives for advice on constipation and demand natural remedies. One of her suggestions was: take a really cold glass of water, followed by a warm glass of water, in the morning. Then do it again, but alternating the temperatures in the middle of the day, then do it again at night. After 4-5 days, I should see a change in my digestive system. If not, I’ll have to think of other ways, but it is NOT ok to be constipated, and it will make labor a more uncomfortable ordeal if this hasn’t been properly rectified by then.
By weeks 28-30, the baby should already be in a head-down position. You can tell by listening for heart sounds: they should be stronger at the bottom of the uterus, as opposed to the top. To help the baby get in a good position from the start, make sure to not cross your legs, to wear sensible shoes with a back (NO heels), and to sit up straight (don’t recline). By week 30 you should know if your baby is breeched, and there are certain exercises to try to get it in the right position (these secrets may be unlocked when the time comes).
Times when a C-section has been needed in her experience: if the mother has meconium in her water AND the baby’s heart rate does not sound healthy, it is time to take the baby out to prevent the baby from continuous distress and from swallowing the meconium in the water. Other times, if the baby is not coming out and the baby goes in distress, it’s time to take it out. These are somewhat vague, but definitely helped us understand that C-sections are appropriate when they are absolutely necessary.
She was reassuring about stopping the pre-natal vitamins. She said they are just a supplement to a good diet, so just have a good diet instead, which is better for you and the baby.
Symptoms
Rectal bleeding, tied to constipation
I think my body weight has normalized a bit, so I don’t have the thigh-rubbing syndrome anymore! I can wear pants without shorts underneath now! 🙂
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Backup doula responded that there would be a $50 fee for being on call around the day of the delivery, and $200 if she did end up being the doula in the end, due at the post-partum visit
Had a conversation about high risk pregnancies with birthing class midwife (story above).
Quit cheese, started drinking cold-then-warm water 3 times a day
Started having fruit smoothies with prune juice in the morning, and since I did, I have been going to the bathroom every day! (cross my fingers, hope it continues)
There wasn’t much action this week in terms of feelings or pregnancy issues, except for my husband running away from my loud snoring! He ended up buying one of those sleep headphones that play anything you plug them into during the night. It seems to be helping, but he says my snoring is so loud that now instead of not being able to sleep, he’s just going deaf with the waterfall AND my snores!
Besides all that action, little babycove has been hiccuping and quite active! The other day I felt a distinct little foot pressing against my belly! I pushed back and started playing with it, so fun! 🙂
Symptoms
Felt the baby hiccup!! It was regular intervals of pushing on both sides of my belly, which makes me think the baby is sideways… hope he straightens out soon!
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Husband purchased sleep headphones to battle wife’s pregnancy snoritis 😉
Prune juice every morning is making me regular! I’ll keep it up. I’ve added cheese back to my diet.
Babycove has officially passed the 24-week mark, where he is most likely to survive outside the womb! Also, I am officially 6 months pregnant. Milestooone! 🙂
Here’s a story for you: at the beginning of the week my husband was feeling very stressed over our yard situation: we’d been busy all weekend and he had not finished mowing the lawn or planting grass, so our yard was one big mess! In order to ease his burden (and get my mild-mannered stress-free husband back), I insisted in helping him out by mowing the lawn for him while he took care of turning the dirt in the front yard (a far more work-intensive task). I thought “not a big deal, it’s just a little exercise…” yeah, well, the next day my back muscles were so sore that they were pressing against my chest and throat and I thought I was having chest pains. I called my midwife who said I should call my PCP, then my PCP told me to go to the ER (since I was already at the hospital where I work anyway). So I did just that. The experience at the ER could have been better… Nobody explained to me what was being done on me, or where I’d go next. Nobody even introduced themselves! I was so scared I started to cry in despair, so my husband quit work early and came to be by my side. In the end, my “tightness in the chest” symptoms were not adding up to any heart-related condition, and I was not feeling shortness of breath, so we and the doctor concluded it must be muscular from the workout I got the day before. Those were the most expensive Tylenol pills I will ever buy.
What’s funny about all of this is that whenever I say I was mowing the lawn, people’s first response has been “and your husband let you???” hahaha! Umm, hello, have we met? My name is ina and there are not many people out there who currently “LET” me do ANYTHING. Poor Brian. He’s stuck in a lose-lose situation every time 🙂
Back to my back, THIS is why they tell pregnant women to take it easy: pregnancy has a whole bunch of side effects, one of which is back strain due to the extra weight (heck, I’m 20% heavier now than before pregnancy! TWENTY percent!!!), so there’s really no need to put more strain on your back muscles, or you’ll end up in the ER like me, like an idiot.
Symptoms
Got my first (noticeable) Braxton-Hicks contractions. These are not supposed to feel like real contractions, in fact, they’re not supposed to feel like anything. You just notice the tightening of your uterus and your belly gets hard like a basketball. It was so weird!
My ligaments were hurting. It was a little scary because it felt like cramps. When your ligaments hurt, you feel it along the sides of the belly, way bellow, but on the sides. It’s a sharp pain. It will pass, just make sure to relax. To prevent them, drink tons of water, and make sure you are getting enough potassium and calcium. In my case, I’m going to have to ask my midwife what I can do about calcium since I don’t drink milk and I’ve been told to avoid OJ due to the acidity. Sigh… Lose-Lose.
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Went to class and practiced breathing. It was actually kind of funny to hear Brian speak softly to try to get me to relax using the Hypnobirthing techniques. It has to sound genuine, otherwise you’ll just crack up. I guess we have a lot of practicing to do!
Been snacking on Fiber One cereal (51% of your daily fiber intake in ONE cup!!!). So I got myself a bunch of cute little 1-cup size tupperwares, and I keep the cereal in there to snack on at work.
Resumed eating cheese. The prune juice smoothies in the mornings are really helping me be more regular. Although I don’t “produce” much in one sitting, sometimes I do get to go 2 or 3 times a day (but a minimum of 1). It’s a big relief compared to a couple of weeks ago.
Gut Sense: Overcoming Fiber Dependence. I didn’t learn much about fixing constipation from this article, but learned a little bit about how to identify constipation based on the stool you produce, and which is the optimal type of stool.
Not much has happened this week. Babycove continues to kick up a storm and I’ve become increasingly aware of the strength it’s gathering every day. I’ve noticed he doesn’t like it (aka shifts around a lot) when I recline or lay on my back, which is good because I’m not supposed to be doing those things anyway!
I haven’t been exercising much, but I did make myself go to the gym on Monday (Memorial Day) so I can weigh myself and at least be able to say that I did some intentional exercise. I did take it easy, though, I’ve been putting a lot of strain on my back and I don’t want it to cave.
This week we also started to listen to the Rainbow Relaxation CD (download here) that comes with the Hypnobirthing materials. I have consistently fallen asleep within 10 minutes, so I still have NO IDEA what the first color of the progression is. They say this is a good thing because I’m relaxing, but I don’t think it is so much relaxing rather than my uncanny ability to sleep no matter the time, place, position or noise in the air. I hope these traits help, but they will be no substitute for PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE.
I guess something peculiar did happen this past weekend… my husband became increasingly stressed out about a long list of tasks we have to tackle at home. I decided to make my own list (using
On December 30th, 2010, I found out that our effort* to make a little baby had succeeded. We were pregnant.
Due Date: September 10, 2011
I decided to spare you each little thing I wanted to say over the past 3 months, and I just chronicled it all in one shot! (all for your convenience, see how good to you I am?). If you are expecting yourself (congratulations!), or if you are planning on having kids soon, I hope this guide helps you get a realistic feel for the things you’ll be feeling, thinking about, reading and doing during your pregnancy.
* and by “effort” I mean that it was intentional/planned… ’cause it certainly wasn’t difficult. Got it on the first try in one shot! (my husband is a very proud stud) 🙂
Side note: if you click on the baby images below, it will take you to a new page where the Baby Center has described the development of your baby at that stage.
Found out we are expecting! Took a home pregnancy test (ClearBlue digital) for the first time on day 12 after conception (two days before my supposed period), and it came out positive. Confirmed with about 5 or 6 more home tests from different brands over the following few days (the digital tests were definitive, but the chemical “analog” tests showed only a faint positive line). Subsequently, I had to put up with a lot of ugly looks as I told my family and close friends that we are pregnant when I hadn’t even officially missed my period yet! They all had that “wait until 3 months” warning for me… except for my mother, who was so excited she wanted to shout it from the rooftops herself 🙂 I have to say that I wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret for any length of time, so talking about it right away felt right to me, and I am very happy I did. Saved me a lot of stress in the long run!
Technically I had only been pregnant for just a week (since I knew my conception date, I knew how old my baby was to the hour!), but how far along you are in your pregnancy is determined by the first day of your last period (not by conception date). This put me at week 3.
Symptoms
Extremely emotional/depressive a few days before my missed period. I knew this was off, because my “emotional” time of the month normally happens after my period (yes, I’ve kept track).
Almost immediately my nipples hardened and hurt when I took a shower. Only happened once, but it wasn’t normal for me.
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Told family and friends (yah, yah, way early… the news just wanted to get out!)
Started freaking out about the day of labor (I was TERRIFIED from all the horror stories), so I started educating myself about the stages of labor, and how to make it as painless as possible. Is it realistic to have a natural birth (no drugs)? Looked into advantages/disadvantages and the difference between an OB and a midwife. On an unrelated note, I’m still going through telling family and friends and getting those confused looks from people… so early? Yes, sorry, the news wants to get out!
Symptoms
Missed period
Discomfort after emptying my bladder: every time I did, I had this hollow discomfort in my abdominal area, as if all my organs had shifted a little. Made it difficult to find a comfortable position in bed at night.
EXTREME hunger
Tender breasts (they hurt when pressed, making sleeping on your belly uncomfortable)
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Tried to get it confirmed by my doctor, but they wouldn’t give me an appointment. They said to just take a home test, and if it was still positive, we’ll schedule an OB appointment at the 10-week mark. I guess they don’t want to waste their time with false alarms or early miscarriages.
Booked my 10-week appointment with a recommended midwife (who are usually more open to help you through natural births than OB surgeons are)
I spread the news at work. Told my boss first, and then the rest of the floor. Again: weird looks (“why didn’t I wait the 3 months??” – get over it, people!)
Decided to go for natural birth. Why? Epidural makes the pushing stage longer and exhausts the mother, while natural births allow you to stay alert and have a rush of endorphins which help you manage the pains and makes you wide awake and alert immediately after delivery. Also, and most importantly, medical interventions tend to lead to more intervention (such as induction, episiotomy, c-sections, etc). Recovery time is also less time on a natural delivery. Click here to read more about advantages and disadvantages of epidural, by Baby Center. My neighbor Ethel is also going for natural delivery, sooooo support system: check! Time to start training for the big day! Will need to exercise and work on mental preparation and build up stamina to breathe through the contractions on “labor day” (hehe… labor day).
Symptoms
Discomfort after emptying bladder continues
Constipation
Brownish tissue spotting. Not worried, it’s normal as long as it’s not accompanied by blood, heavy discharges, or cramps/pains.
Still hungry, but not as bad as last week.
Tender breasts continue
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Did yoga one morning, and walked the long way to the train station another day
Made a more conscious effort to add more vegetables to my meals
Started taking prenatal vitamins (should have started taking them BEFORE I got pregnant — oops). I ordered chewables online: I can’t swallow pills!
In preparation for morning sickness, I packed an empty plastic bag in my purse and a bunch of pretzels. Trying to prevent a bad situation on the commuter rail! (this proved very handy on week 11!)
Concerned about the brownish spotting that had been going on for a week, I stopped by the OB department and had an ultrasound: strong heartbeat, definitely a baby! The ultrasound also found a cyst 2 inches in diameter in my left ovary. Yikes! They said it happens all the time and it might go down on its own. According to Wikipedia, cysts may cause some spotting… so maybe that’s where mine is coming from? This week I also got sick with a cold for several days and survived on tons of fruit juice. I felt like death by the end of the week, but kept going to work in the snow. Maybe that was a mistake.
Symptoms
Nausea when I get really hungry
Not as hungry anymore… actually, I’ve had so much disgust for overeating for the past couple of weeks, that I don’t really have a strong appetite. For the sake of avoiding nausea, though, I usually eat the first thing that my body wants just to make sure I’m eating SOMETHING and keep myself fed.
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Rest. I did no exercise, no chores, no nothing. Watched a lot of Conan.
Finished telling all my friends. Again: weird looks… really?
My cold ended up being a BURNING sinus infection. Went to a walk-in clinic and they prescribed some antibiotics (amoxicillin) and Flonase, but my mother-in-law didn’t let me take the Flonase (which consists of steroids), especially if my nasal passages are clear (which they were). I eventually got better, after taking antibiotics for 10 days (three times a day). It took about week to feel 100% again. As for my state of mind, with all the sickness, snowstorms, and general disarray in my house, I felt I needed a little escape and indulged in some leisure reading.
Symptoms
Constipation
Brown spotting continues. I thought the beauty of pregnancy was that you didn’t have your period so you didn’t have to worry about wearing pads or panty-liners! I guess there goes that myth
“Morning Sickness” begins. I say that because I threw up after getting a little car sick on the train (and I usually don’t throw up after car sickness)… so, maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t.
Abdominal discomfort continues, but it’s been exacerbated by the very uncomfortable effects of constipation. At this point I want to crawl out of my own body!
Rectal bleeding when doing number 2 due to constipation. It was really scary not to be able to tell where the blood was coming from, but the moment passed and no more bleeding came, so I was in the clear. This happened again on week 13.
According to Baby Center, my baby is now the size of a kidney bean. That means that my family has stopped calling it “the little lentil” (or in Spanish, “la lentejita”) to calling it “the little bean” (or in Spanish, “la caraotica”). It’s not going to end until Baby Center stops comparing my baby to cute little food names. I started out the week still taking antibiotics for my cold, and still feeling very down. At this point I’m just looking forward to the second trimester, when you’re supposed to feel great, eat anything you want, be full of energy, blah blah blah. Right now I just feel like crawling into a little ball and not get out of bed at all. I know there is a baby in my belly, but all I see is fat fat fat from all the eating I have been doing only to avoid feeling nauseous. When will that pregnancy excitement kick in?
Symptoms
Spotting stopped!
Now I get this creamy white discharge (yeah yeah, ew, get over it, it will happen and someone has to talk about it!) — apparently completely normal, and due to the increased production of estrogen during pregnancy
Extreme hunger, and consequent nausea, continues
Gaining weight (mostly due to the extreme eating!)
My mood has been lethargic at best — I don’t feel like doing anything and I’m just literally sick and tired
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Finally bought a rowing machine so my husband and I can exercise indoors! Did not use it, as it was missing an important screw from Step 1 of assembly!
Being pregnant is uncomfortable. There, I said it. I’m supposed to be saying this is the happiest time of my life and that I’m all giddy and happy about it… but I am suffering! I’m in deep abdominal discomfort (most of the time related to my last or my next meal), I can’t see a belly yet (only fat) so I got no baby to comfort me, and worst of all, I don’t have anyone around me to get my mind off the whole thing! I want to talk about it with someone who can cheer me up (not give me all their opinions and “advice”), but I don’t think any of my friends would relate, or they might say something I don’t want to hear. How can I talk about it and at the same time get out of my head? I’m living in birth and baby land. Wish there was a visible bump so I could at least talk and sing to my little resident.
Weight: 122lbs (7lbs over pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms
My entire digestive system is out of whack. I go from feeling like I completely pigged out at my last meal for like 4 hours straight (very uncomfortable “full” feeling), to immediate starvation. It’s crazy, and I can’t get my mind off my digestive system all day long. Help… me!
Constipation continues, but I have found a little more relief this week than the past 4 weeks.
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Called around about hypnobirthing classes. One particular midwife, Nancy Wainer, suggested that I don’t cross my legs, don’t drink a lot of milk, avoid ultrasound unless it’s needed, keep my knees below my pelvis, and not recline. I’ve decided to not have the ultrasound until I want to find out the sex of the baby later on (why inconvenience the poor baby, let’s leave him alone for a little while), and I’ve been trying my darnest to not be in a reclining position. I am not sure why exactly this is a rule, but it’s supposed to help a favorable position for the baby (maybe because gravity will lead the baby downwards towards the exit, as opposed to having the baby get too cozy against my back muscles — I think it makes physical sense)
I’ll sign up for hypnobirthing classes in April (that’s when Nancy’s classes open up)
Watched the documentary The Business of Being Born, which reiterated all the things I had been reading about. In short: if you are a healthy woman who has not had complications in her pregnancy, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to give birth naturally without medical intervention. Interventions lead to more intervention, which may create more and more distress for the baby. Women have just been taught that they can’t handle childbirth, which is not true. Women should educate themselves regarding intervention and find out why most major hospitals have 30-40% rate of c-sections.
Went to get my medical record “opened” by visiting a midwifery group and telling them my whole medical history, and took it as an opportunity to ask for advice on birthing centers versus hospitals.
They said I should see a social worker regarding my mood, so I’m waiting for their call for a referral near my work.
This has been the week of self-awareness: I am heavier, I get tired more easily, I run out of breath more easily, and I am starting to freak out about how terribly out of shape I am. The rowing machine is now assembled, but I’m so often having stomach issues that I want to walk around, not sit down! So, I decided to go back to my old gym. I was mostly depressed all week (feeling down, not looking forward to anything, not enjoying my work), and I really think it had a lot to do with my self-image. I always thought it was ridiculous for pregnant women to complain about their weight (“how vain can they be?” I’d say “they are carrying a baby! of course they are going to gain weight!”)… and now I understand: my baby (plus birthing accessories) is supposed to weigh at MOST a pound right now, but I have already gained 7 lbs! That is NOT baby weight! It is lazy, sedentary, eat-a-lot, fat weight! THAT is why I feel lethargic. I haven’t been this heavy since I graduated college. I really hope working out will help trim that extra fat I’m consuming!
Weight: 122lbs (7lbs over pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms
Nauseous-when-hungry continues.
Abdominal discomfort continues.
Ravenous hunger continues
Mini-depression… most likely hormone induced
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Re-joined my old gym, and did a ton of walking on the treadmill (1 hour sessions, 3.5 miles/hour)
Might have, accidentally, consumed about a full glass of white wine in the form of cheese fondue during my Valentine’s Day dinner. BIG Oops!
I identified a perfect, low cal, delicious snack: whole wheat pita bread and hummus!!! It’s amazing!
Also, snack-related, I quit saltine crackers on week 4 (ugh, it’s so easy to get sick of those things), so I keep granola bars in my purse at all times. They help me when I’m in a hunger/nausea bind 🙂
Reading
Cambridge Birthing Center info packet
Anything online about drinking during pregnancy. Apparently half a glass of wine every day during pregnancy is said to be OK by some OBs in France (you know how they love their wine out there)… so worrying about one glass of wine in the whole pregnancy is kind of silly. Take deep breaths and don’t worry so much!
This week did not kick my ass as badly as the other weeks did. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have been drinking a lot of water, I have been snacking on healthy stuff (like fiber granola/oat bars), and the fact that I started doing some kind of physical exercise. Feeling alright. No more depression, and I’ve been cooking a few meals at home. The most interesting feeling lately has been that of utter fear for hunger spurts: they make me nauseous. And the most interesting thing that happened this week was that I got my first stranger-rubs-my-belly moment. Uhh, guys, how do I explain to you that the fat around my waist is just that… fat? No obvious bump yet… just fat.
Weight: 124lbs (9lbs over pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms
Nausea and hunger continue
TMI alert: I had my very first bowel movement this week!!! It was glorious!!! By BM I mean actual urge to go do number 2. Now, obviously, I have done number 2 in the past few weeks, but my heart was never in it.
Susceptibility to car sickness. I threw up this week after a short car ride. Boy, was I thankful to have a plastic bag in my purse! (Remember when I packed it on week 5?!)
Pants don’t fit around the waist anymore
Can’t stand the office filtered water anymore… tastes funny. Also, the cafeteria smells like rancid food and trash! How did I not notice that before?
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Went swimming and walking at the gym
Figured out that if I keep my heart rate at 110 when I walk, I won’t break a sweat, but it warms up my muscles. I break a sweat at 120. Finally! Working out feels like SOMETHING!
Scheduled appointments to visit the MGH Maternity Ward, and the Cambridge Hospital/Cambridge Birthing Center facilities. This is crucial for us to schedule our next prenatal appointment (the midwifery group or OB you ultimately go with is affiliated with only one location… so you have to pick the location first).
Went shopping for a Tummy Tube waist band (I got one black and one white). It helps you to continue wearing your old pants by hiding your midsection such that people don’t notice your pants are really unbuttoned. I also bought a cute polka dot pregnancy bathing suit so I can continue going swimming!
Started stocking my own bottled water in the office fridge.
This week we went to visit the MGH Maternity floor and we were pleasantly surprised to be comfortable with what we heard. They said they try to help you through a natural birth as much as possible, to the point of matching you up with a natural-birth supporting nurse. There is also a midwife who walks the floors and checks in on you (as opposed to the OB). They do let you eat and drink (I didn’t think they’d let you at a hospital!), and they let your family hang around and come in and out of the room. They also said that if your nurse is being difficult (suggesting intervention, etc), it is OK for you to request a different nurse. We felt good about it, so now we’ll move on to visiting other places and see how those feel.
Also this week I had to face the truth in the mirror: I am starting to show. So far I had been saying it was just fat (because of all the stuff I have been eating lately), but on Thursday when I went to the gym, I took a look in the mirror and noticed that my fat was mostly accumulating in the front of my body. My thoughts were “waitaminute, I have been fat before, and it’s never looked like this!” and so it dawned on me: I am getting a baby belly. Wow.
Weight: 126lbs (11lbs over pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms
Nausea when hungry continues
My belly is now showing!
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Went to work out on Monday and Thursday: 1 hour on the treadmill at 3.5 miles/hour with ~4-6 inclination grade. Plus a warm-up courtesy of Dr. Cathy
Visited the MGH Maternity floor
My husband got me a heart rate monitor so I can keep an eye on it while I work out. I used it for the first time this week.
Went to a Japanese restaurant and indulged in some California rolls and crunch rolls (shrimp tempura in a maki roll). I didn’t know it until now, but those don’t have raw fish to worry about! Why didn’t anyone tell me before??
I felt great this week, although I can’t say my eating habits were any good. We ate out a lot, and I switched cafeterias (the old one smelled) so I was having a hot meal for lunch, and then a hot meal for dinner. I also started having a snack at around 5pm if I wasn’t planning on having dinner soon… the fact that the snack happened to be a buttery grilled cheese sandwich, I’ll leave aside for others to judge. Anyways, the nausea is still there, but not as bad as before. I can go without eating for longer periods of time. I continue to drink a lot of water and make sure I hit the gym at least twice during the week.
It also makes me happy to see a baby bump 🙂 It gives a good motive to all those crazy things that are happening to my body 🙂 Hi babyyyy! 🙂
Weight: 127 lbs (12lbs over pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms
Is prenatal acne a symptom? My face is breaking out like a 14 year old’s! I read an article (link below) about unexpected symptoms, and it appears as though my bloody nose may also be a symptom… interesting. I had just chucked it to the dry air of winter.
Continue to have really long and strange dreams. I forget when they started, but several weeks ago for sure (sorry I didn’t mark the exact moment!)
Rectal bleeding when I went to the bathroom to do number 2. Like I mentioned on week 7, it was scary but the bleeding stopped right after, so I calmed down.
My snoring has spun out of control. I was banned to the guest room for the rest of the week so my husband could get some sleep! (boo!)
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Purchased my first 3 pairs of maternity pants for work (one was cheap, the other 2 were WICKED expensive… will make sure to check the price tags next time!). On a related note, I can’t hide the fact that I do have a baby belly now. It’s kind of exciting, actually 🙂
Visited the Cambridge Birthing Center facilities: it looked like a house, but it’s right across a driveway from Cambridge Hospital. It has a living room, 3 birthing rooms (they say usually they only have one family in the house at a time — they’re not very busy). They showed us the tubs they have for relaxation, yoga balls, etc. It was VERY homey and I got a really good feeling about it. They answered all our questions, and we were very happy to see how supportive of natural birth they were. One downside to it all was that if you do end up becoming a high risk pregnancy, you are pretty much stuck giving birth at Cambridge Hospital (which, as hospitals come, is not the top of the line). Considering my sister’s birth history, I am afraid I might be going in early, which would disqualify me for the Birthing Center. After talking it over with my husband, we agreed we both liked it a lot, but it is still so far away from home, and there is such a risk of ending up at Cambridge Hospital anyway, that we are going to continue looking for options. I called Norwood Hospital and Newton-Wellesley Hospital to take a tour of their facilities. Wish us luck!
Last Sunday my husband and I went out on a lunch date in the town. As it turns out, our town’s main diners close at 2pm on Sundays (whatever happend to breakfast all day?), so we just ended up at the local Friendly’s (we love Friendly’s). What my husband saw at the table behind us was quite disturbing: kids misbehaving, messing with their food, being nasty to one another; but that was not the disturbing part: it was that the parents were on their phones (texting/typing) the entire time.
That is just one example of many where parents simply fail to apply discipline to their children. If you’ve ever been at a toy store or a grocery store, you have likely been witness to kids tantruming, and parents either just telling the kid to stop it, or giving a “stop crying” gift to their children. I see this all the time. My friend Christine also saw this in full action (read her experience watching a couple of rowdy kids at a coffee shop here). In Christine’ story, those kids just learned that it is OK to get away with not taking accountability for your own actions, and that screwing someone over is better than taking the heat yourself. What a life lesson to learn when you’re 7.
Do you remember when you were little? Would this kind of behavior have been withstood by your own parents? Do you remember always getting what you wanted, and knowing that crying will help you get your way? I don’t recall that part of my childhood either… but now, millions of future adults are learning that discipline is a four letter word, and that they can get whatever they want just because they want it.
All of this made me think of whether kids are really learning right from wrong. I could get into why parents act this way (guilt? Ignorance? Tiredness? who knows), but what is most important here is that WE are the ones that will have to deal with an entitled set of adults in the future. This is how we end up with rapists among us, with bullies in our schools, and with crooks without a conscience running the most powerful businesses in the world.
Not even TV shows are helping kids understand right from wrong. It used to be that you would sit down and watch an episode of Full House every day, and you understood that you should be nice to your siblings, that lying is wrong, that you should be respectful to others, and that you should do your homework to get ahead in life. Those themes are too “corny” nowadays. Kids just want to see other kids having sex and being deceitful and taking advantage of others in order to make it. Nice girls finish last, nice guys do not get the girl. Garbage. Bullshit.
I fear for the world. I really do.
I thought this was a reasonable article on how to deal with tantrums: Heptune – Tantrums. It doesn’t get to the heart of discipline, but it’s a practical guide to a good start.
I spent this past weekend sorting hand-me-down baby clothes. My sister gave me all her baby girl and baby boy clothes together, so it was my job to separate the boy clothes for future use. For some pieces of clothing, I found myself having to look really really carefully to distinguish the girl stuff from the boy stuff. For example, a purple shirt, if completely unmarked, could be used for either gender; however, if the shirt had ruffles in the sleeves, you knew it was a girl’s apparel. It was taking me forever when the difference was subtle, so the one thing that really helped me tell the clothes apart was the presence of certain symbols associated with girls and boys in our gender-discriminating culture; for instance, flowers for girls and cars, trucks or sports themes for boys.
Now, I’m the first person to reject sexism in any way, shape or form, like why would girls not wear the baseball shirt? No reason, right? However, I probably wouldn’t put a shirt with pink flowers on my baby boy (unless it was before laundry day). Why not? Well, I don’t know… babies look so much alike when they’re young, that I guess I’d like to celebrate his boyhood… all these thoughts, and I don’t consider myself a sexist (although after this post, you might have a different opinion 😉 ). So, anyways, I began to appreciate little baby jeans and little baby shorts that had a little car or little football on them: it made my sorting job much easier! No guess work!
It did make me wonder, though… am I locking my child into a gender role by not exposing him to alternate types of clothing? Maybe. However, I don’t think that clothes make the man (or woman), never mind that they will pick their own clothes down the line regardless of what kind of onesie I chose for the first 3 months of their lives. What I really think is that by creating an environment where my kids will be respectful of all human beings (regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, religious belief), I’ll influence the way they see the world and expect them to see all people as equals. Isn’t that what really matters in the long run?
Maybe our culture uses little cars to symbolize “boy” and little pink flowers to symbolize “girls” just like we use a fork and a knife to symbolize “restaurant” or a red hexagon to symbolize “STOP.” This may imply that girls don’t drive cars or that boys don’t enjoy flowers, which is an untrue generalization, but in the grand scheme of things I think our culture has far more difficult issues in terms of discrimination to tackle. How’s about equal pay for women who perform the same job as men? Or something as simple as stop making a big deal when a woman takes positions of power? It’s time we taught our children that we are all the same.
Ok, this became a political statement all of the sudden 🙂 I just wanted to point out the complexity of the issues that come with the simple act of sorting baby clothes.
Having a baby can be stressful in many ways: the preparation, the shopping, the name picking, changes in your body, habits, diet, etc. However, if you are like most people, you are probably not really stressed out about the day of the birth. You may be a little scared, but you don’t lose sleep over what’s going to happen that day; after all, you’re in the hands of great doctors, and there is really nothing else for you to know. Ah, ignorance is bliss. Now, if you are anything like me and think it’s important to know WHY things happen the way they do, and you find yourself questioning whether epidurals are for you, or pitocin, or c-sections, or even the place where you will be having birth, then you have added ten tons of stress to your life.
Natural delivery spans a wide spectrum of beliefs and definitions. Some think it means “vaginally” and some think it means “drug-free.” I use the term as “drug-free” or “intervention-free.” Preparation for a natural birth is 100% focused in making sure you understand that your body is made to do this, and there is nothing your body can do that you weren’t built to handle. Leaving high-risk pregnancies and complications aside, this should be true for most human women: your body was made for this, and you should be able to handle it. Once you truly believe that, you are prepared to refuse any kind of intervention, and you may proceed to actually preparing to handle the road to delivery. Management techniques include breathing exercises, massages, tips and tricks like moving around, swaying your hips back and forth, applying a warm rag to your hoo-hoo to help stretch the muscles during surges (aka contractions), etc. One of the most important techniques, though, is the power of mind-over-body. This is why positve thoughts are so important during your pregnancy and leading up to the day of the delivery. This is supposed to be the stress-free approach to labor because you make the rules, you are in control, and you create a supportive care team around you who are on the same page and will help you through all of it.
Stress-free? Stress-free my ASS. I’m going to tell you about the roller coaster I have been going through.
First off, I was very excited to go natural and I was even happier when my husband, Brian, jumped on board. Right now I can very confidently say that he and I are completely on the same page, which is both reassuring and comforting. The problems started the day we started taking the birthing classes.
What not everybody knows is that birthing classes are not one-size-fits-all. Depending on what kind of delivery you want to have, and where you are planning on having it, you might choose to take a class at a hospital (where, as I hear, they mostly focus on pain management leading up to the moment you get your epidural), or take it at a birthing center (focused on the birthing center experience, and tools available to you to maximize chances of a successful delivery), or independent classes focused on any technique you want (Hypnobirthing, Lamaze, etc). We went independent because we wanted an expert Hypnobirthing class, and we did not want to take it at a hospital where the class is mostly made of mothers choosing epidural. Little did we know that our class would be 10 couples planning a homebirth, and us: the sinners of the pack who will have a hospital delivery.
We felt like the Peggy and Al Bundy of the class. I asked a lot of questions about what to do if complications should arise, and nobody seemed eager to hear the answers. I also asked about FACTS and WHY we should do this or that, and I had to press to get a straight answer from the instructors. It was like the whole class had drank some sort of kool-aid and were in a trance. Let me first say that I have nothing against homebirths. In fact, I would have gone for one myself if Brian had considered it. We decided that, since this is our first, and we don’t really know how my body will handle it, we would stay close to medical attention in case it’s needed. We might consider a homebirth for our second baby (depending on the level of success of our first intervention-free birth). Having said that, having a homebirth does not excuse them from not asking tough questions! By not educating themselves all around, they are just as clueless as people who don’t do research at all. I swear, people, I felt completey out of place. Even the teacher would throw zingers at us for choosing hospitals, and every class she would have something to say about how doctors are evil, hospitals are awful, and how homebirth is really the only way to go.
I really wish I had listened to my gut and just gotten my money back on the second week. What I wanted to be a great learning experience on natural birth, managing tough situations, and even maybe preparing us for a homebirth in the future, turned out to be a directed bashing session that made me extremely fearful of my future. I couldn’t help thinking: OMG, are the midwives at the hospital going to do things I don’t want them to do without my consent? Are they REALLY on my side? Am I going to have to defend myself against them on that day? Should I bring a lawyer with me to observe???
You might think this is very silly: doctors and nurses know what they are doing and it should be for the best of the baby, so there is no sense in questioning their actions. The problem is that Brian and I believe that nobody else, except for the two of us, really know what WE want the experience to be like. Doctors and nurses may truly do their best, but we are the ones who want to make the decisions on what to do, approaches, interventions, etc. Being at a hospital is scary because the staff has seen it all and gone through it all, and they will have a standard procedure for everything, even if it might not apply to my particular situation (they’ve seen so many zebras that they often don’t recognize a real horse). In fact, only 10% of births at hospitals are “natural” and many nurses admit to never having witnessed one in their careers. So, considering that I’m going to be pushing a human being out of my body, I expect that I will be in a very vulnerable position to fight them off and have my way on things they might think are routine.
This is the reason I have been crying at the drop of a hat every day this week: I am SCARED SHITLESS. I am full of fear and stress that I’m preparing for a WAR on what should be one of the happiest days of my life: welcoming a new member of a family that my husband and I made out of our love for each other.
It is not a war, but I have taken a defensive stance. It didn’t have to be this way.
Now Brian and I are seriously considering to stop attending the classes, and count our gains/losses. We learned a lot of labor-management techniques, and we will definitely use them. Now it is up to us to create our own plan and undo all the fear we have had engrained in us for the past 7 weeks. We need to focus on building a good rapport with our care team, and learn to trust that everybody will follow our wishes (within the realm of safety), and it will be a wonderful experience.
I have a long way to go to recover from this dreadful episode in what has otherwise been a very healthy and wonderful pregnancy. I am sure Brian’s positive attitude and calm demeanor will help me get there.
I could use this post to rant about how women have no idea that their bodies are made for childbirth and how to use it, and how they blindly do whatever their OB tells them to do (sometimes to their peril), and how frustrating it is for ME to hear all that after all the research I have done on the topic. Instead, I want to just plant a seed of self-education (utilizing my own bias, of course! After all, this IS an opinion blog… MY opinion) 😉
Here are some things you should consider when planning your birth:
(this post expresses my bias quite shamelessly, so just use these as a jumping off point in your own research either way you decide to go)
One intervention may lead to another intervention: Fine, I’m a biased woman, but this is a matter of fact and you ask any OB, midwife, nurse, even medical and nursing students about this one: being the subject of a medical intervention (such as anesthesia, aka epidural) increases your chances of being subject to additional intervention. Things could go wrong: puncture your spine through the injection process, overmedication, undermedication, slow-down of baby’s heart beat, etc. Or even when things go right: the slow-down of labor functions and the mother’s inability to feel the “right time” to push may drag the process on to a point when the labor is “not progressing,” which makes uneasy health professionals think of ways to accelerate the process, such as providing pitocin (an induction agent). Pitocin increases the strength of contractions, which, coupled with the anesthesia, may create an unfavorable environment for the baby, which may cause distress to the baby. Once the baby is in distress, the goal becomes to get the baby out at all cost. Hence, a c-section. Therefore, if you don’t want a c-section, the best way to avoid it is to avoid medical intervention altogether.
Pushing time is longer under medication: anesthesia numbs your limbs from the waist down (and, fyi, it also gets passed onto the baby), making it harder to sense when it is the right time to push. Some have described the feeling as being told to do number 2, when you don’t actually have the urge to go. The decrease in feeling slows down the process, and the pushing stage of labor may easily take 2-4 hours. The effects of the anesthesia make it impossible for the mother to stand up, walk around, or squat, which means the only possible position for pushing is laying on her back. Considering that gravity is working against you, delivery is simply more difficult to accomplish, opening up the opportunity for other types of intervention (such as an episiotomy).
“I can’t handle a headache, let alone the pains of labor!”: This is the biggest fear of future mothers out there: the pains of labor will be so intense that they will not be able to handle it. Where are new mothers hearing that labor is painful? Maybe from every other mother who went through it and got the anesthesia because “they couldn’t handle it.” I will not say that labor is not painful, but I will say that most mothers are expecting it to be painful, which creates a sense of fear around the day of labor. When you are expecting something to be deadly painful, fear will intensify that pain (this is a fact, don’t shoot the messenger!). This is why mothers who are TRULY preparing for a natural birth attend classes that go on for 9 weeks at a time (as opposed to mothers who say “I tried to go natural” but really they had come to that decision on the day of labor without serious previous preparation). In these sessions, future mothers are trained in (1) pain management exercises, (2) creating a support system that will check fear at the door, (3) preparing mentally for a mind-over-body approach, (4) avoiding negative thoughts that may create fear or negative anticipation for that day, (5) to convince themselves and their partners that they CAN do this. Imagine a woman who did not get this type of training trying to go all natural on the day of labor: it’s as if you showed up on the day of the Boston Marathon without any training at all, and expected to run the full race. The chances of success are slim. However, armed with the proper training, the right support group, and the avoidance of negative thoughts, chances of success dramatically increase. Can a woman who has trouble with her headaches handle the pains of labor? Yes! They just don’t know it yet, and other mothers are not being very encouraging in convincing them otherwise.
Your experience will be different from other mothers’: Obvious, right? Wrong. Many women assume that their path will be the same as that of other mothers who have been nice enough to share their stories: “I will get to the hospital, get my IV for fluids, get my epidural when the time comes, and pitocin only if it’s needed. If I need to get a C-section, then so be it. All for the sake of my child!” Ladies ladies, it doesn’t have to be this way! OWN your experience! Do your research. Interview places to deliver: different hospitals and birthing centers. Once you have all the information you need, make the decision that is best for YOU. Oh, and don’t you dare making that decision without watching the documentary The Business of Being Born first! This is a well-known documentary about births in America, and will give you a completely different perspective than that of your OB or your sister who went through the most painful labor in history. I’ve even talked to mothers who watched the movie AFTER giving birth, and they wished they had seen it BEFORE the birth. They tend to believe the process would have been a lot easier and smoother.
You DO have options of care: OBs are Surgeons, Midwives are Certified Nurses: Educate yourself on the difference between the two. OBs are not the only choice you have for care during your pregnancy, and they are SURGEONS. They will use all available medical equipment, tests and knowledge they possess to help you. However, in most European countries OBs are only consulted when the pregnancy is considered high risk (as any specialist should be). Otherwise, a Certified Nurse Midwife can provide the same pre-natal care, tests and support as an OB; with the exception that they will not jump to medical interventions as a default (midwives think horses, OBs think zebras). Most major hospitals have midwifery groups you can sign up for your care, while leaving the heavy lifting to an OB only if your pregnancy has certain risks associated with it. Would you go to a G.I. specialist if you had simple constipation? No, just like you shouldn’t immediately think “surgeon specialist” when you think of such a natural process as birthing is.
Remember that the OB’s goal is the same as yours (healthy mom and baby), but their motivations for the methods are far different from yours: when an OB decides to do a c-section instead of doing vaginal birth, they are minimizing the risk to the baby (mission accomplished) while allowing the mother to carry all the risk that comes with a major surgery (such as infection, reaction to the anesthesia, and recovery). C-sections also work quite conveniently for OBs: they are scheduled, which means they don’t have to be available for up to 60 hours that labor could last near your bedside checking on how you’re doing and increasing risks and uncertainty. C-sections are also much more expensive (and therefore they get paid more by insurance companies) than allowing a mother to deliver vaginally. All these things considered, it is no wonder that major hospital’s C-section rates are 30-40%. It’s not that 30-40% of women are unable to deliver babies vaginally (that would mean an immense biological flaw in humans), it’s that there is a whole system working in favor of C-sections.
C-sections are not just major surgery, they also take away from the birthing experience: when a baby is born, it needs its mother nearby right away. That moment of bonding is so important and so worthwhile for all birthing mothers. When you think of what kind of birth you want to have, remember that you are not going to get the “baby out of you” but you are working together with the baby to find its way out. A scientific study showed that when a chimpanzee gave birth vaginally, it would forever take care of that baby; while chimps who delivered through c-section were more detached and did not acknowledge the babies as their own. Now, we are not chimps and we know that it is the same baby, but the biological process of giving birth is universal among mammals, and it marks a significant point in the start of the relationship that mothers should not miss out on. Also, consider that recovery for c-sections is 4 days (versus 8 hours for natural birth), plus time afterwards when you won’t be able to lift heavy things or engage in physical exercise as the wound heals.
You cannot do this alone: Independent women of the world, I know this is very hard to hear. Even if you are about to be a single mother, you WILL need the support of those who love you to get through labor day. Not only do you need them to be physically there for moral support, but you need them to be in tune with your wishes and to refrain from telling their own horror birth stories on that day. Let them know that you need them to stay positive, to just be there for you, and to check their opinions at the door (in a way, they need training, too!). Only happiness and smiles on that day! It doesn’t have to be the most horrible experience of your life: you can turn it into the happiest and most wonderful time to share with family and welcome a tiny new member.
In short: I wish I lived in a place that was more open to the natural process of labor, and I didn’t feel like I was going against the grain everywhere I go and everyone I talk to. So the best I can do is to pass on the knowledge (biased as it may be), and hope that women out there learn how to make this decision for themselves.
Truth of the matter is that I am done with work, but I still have 2 more weeks to put in. I am exhausted, I’m drained, I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home, with my mother, having cream of squash and vegetables, going for walks and just resting.
You see, on Wednesday I attended an open house that my midwives threw for her past and current clients. 6 families showed up (a mix of women and their husbands or mothers). I was the only current client (the only pregnant one) there. So I got to pick everybody’s brains about their experience with home births and socialize. They were all around my age, and it was so lovely to talk to women who were going through the same thing I was and who were of the same mindset.
Then, the next day, it started to hit me. All those looks and I-better-keep-my-mouth-shut-on-this-one attitudes I have been getting from my babyless friends. God knows they are trying to be supportive, but I can tell I just bore them with baby talk. Instead of hanging onto that great feeling of being understood, I started wondering why my other friends were being so close-minded.
At the same time, I’m the first to admit that I don’t want to hear people talk about their kids. So this should come as no surprise. Maybe it’s not so much that they don’t want to hear me talk about my kids, but I guess I’m starting to realize that I really need people in my life to talk to about these things. So last night I went on Meetup.com and started looking for mommy groups. Unfortunately, there are no home birth mommy groups near my area… and the mommy groups I found seem to be for older women. There is one that has a lot of potential in Canton. I’d love to keep my finger on the pulse of that one and join them at some point.
The most disappointing thing of all (like I haven’t said enough already) is that I only have 3 months of maternity leave, and then I have to go back to working 8-5 🙁 We simply cannot afford for me to work less, and I know I would go crazy being at home alone all the time. What I would definitely do is use my earned time wisely: plan it around a particular mommy event, or baby date, etc. That would be great use of our time together (me and the baby, that is).
I’m just feeling a little crestfallen about friends and support and being so tired and having to come to work… I just want to go home and relax. I want to see my mommy 🙁
I’m here at my desk. Not doing any work at all… all morning. Drinking my own weight in water to calm down Braxton Hicks contractions, and eating nuts like it’s nobody’s business for the magnesium, which also calm them down. But then I also have to empty my bladder every half hour or so, and it’s just a drag to walk all the way to the bathroom when my belly is putting so much pressure on it.
Anyways, if I were to stop complaining, I would be rejoicing about the fact that I am at 38 weeks. Way past the full term date, and ready to welcome our little fella any day 🙂 well, that’s provided that we actually get to pick up our birth tub. Imagine if the baby wants to be born during the hurricane and the midwives can’t make it? I guess we’ll be Norwood Hospital bound.
In the meantime, I sit here… not doing any work at all… making sure I’m drinking water, eating nuts and going to the bathroom whenever I feel the urge. Sigh… I want to be home 🙁
Vortex of Evil!If you’ve been a long-time follower of this blog, you should know that my husband, Brian, is the nicest guy in the world. He likes everybody, and everybody likes him. If you know him, you would never want anything bad to happen to him. And then, social networking did.
Brian stays away from any and all sites where he would reveal anything about himself (such as Facebook, myspace, etc). However, he did find some value in Twitter, in that he could follow a gazillion news outlets and get his news in one place. Then, tonight, he found an old friend of his on Twitter… here we go.
Brian asked me how to contact him. I told him that unless they were following each other, direct messaging wasn’t possible. So he could opt for “mentioning” him on a tweet, and hope that he will get alerted that he was mentioned and reply. The tweet would be public, of course, so he should reveal only things he wouldn’t mind the whole world reading.
So, after much pondering and stress, he decided to tweet him and encourage him to follow him, so they could DM each other.
5 minutes later, Brian had not received a response, which started creating a great deal of anxiety for him. “He’s going to reply, right? You think he’ll know who I am? Will he think I’m a spammer?” Seeing him in such state of anticipation, I couldn’t help but wonder what good is all this doing to anyone??? Anything that makes my sweet Brian fall into such state of discomfort cannot be good!
Down with social networking! The root of all evil!!! You have 500 million people, already! Couldn’t you leave my poor husband alone???
Warning: this is not a medical advice column, and I am not qualified to give any kind of medical advice. Please proceed with caution and consult your physician for any change in diet that may affect your well-being.
So, just like many many MANY pregnant women out there, I am suffering from a very slight and totally asymptomatic case of anemia (red blood cells tend to get diluted when a pregnant woman’s body makes more plasma than red blood cells to fill it up with). For this reason, my midwives have asked me to add more iron to my diet in the form of red meat, dark leafy vegetables, etc.
My first reaction to this was: No way, I’ll have to take a supplement or something. You see, I suffer from high cholesterol, and I don’t want to make it worse by adding more red meat to my diet. For as long as I can remember I have only had one meal with red meat per week, and eggs only once a week to keep my cholesterol in check.
And then, I read something that makes me feel like my whole life has been a lie:
Image: ThinkstockPork, beef, and lamb are among the world’s best sources of complete protein, and a Danish study found that dieting with 25 percent of calories from protein can help you lose twice as much weight as dieting with 12 percent protein. Then there’s vitamin B12, which is prevalent only in animal-based foods. B12 is essential to your body’s ability to decode DNA and build red blood cells, and British researchers found that adequate intakes protect against age-related brain shrinkage. Now, if you’re worried that meat will increase your risk for heart disease, don’t be. A Harvard review last year looked at 20 studies and found that meat’s link to heart disease exists only with processed meats like bacon, sausage, and deli cuts. Unprocessed meats, those that hadn’t been smoked, cured, or chemically preserved, presented absolutely zero risk.
Image: ThinkstockEgg yolks contain dietary cholesterol; this much is true. But research has proven that dietary cholesterol has almost nothing to do with serum cholesterol, the stuff in your blood. Wake Forest University researchers reviewed more than 30 egg studies and found no link between egg consumption and heart disease, and a study in Saint Louis found that eating eggs for breakfast could decrease your calorie intake for the remainder of the day.
Suddenly I feel like my whole life is ahead of me. My care provider is advising me to add more red meat to my diet??? I can eat eggs more than once a week??? The sky is bluer. The roses smell sweeter. New life has been infused in me!
If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way to have an awesome steak dinner. Doctor’s orders!
Finally, a website that does not beat around the bush. The Oracle Answers is a marvelous little tool that answers any of your questions with a Yes/No.
Yesterday I found out that my boss is getting promoted, and they are not necessarily backfilling her position because her new job has so much overlap with her current one. However, I will not be moving along with her. So the inevitable question comes to mind: Should I start looking for a new job?
The Oracle has answered:
I get comfort out of knowing there is a higher power out there who knows exactly what I should do in any situation. Thank you, Oracle Answers.
Recently I was reminded of the expression that says that if you take everything away from a rich person and give it to a poor person, eventually the rich will be rich again and the poor will get poor again. If you’ve never heard it, the reasoning behind it is that the rich person will have the intellectual savvy and focus to make/save money again, while the poor person, never very apt at saving or money management, is likely to satisfy their every whim without thinking of the future, thus losing their fortune as easily as they got it.
Well, I am now in a position where I feel like I have been stripped from my cushy disposable income, and I’ll have to figure out “how to get rich again.” Here’s how we’re managing, and I hope this post helps someone out there figure things out as well.
Up until a few weeks ago I had no real concept of what it was like to pinch pennies. My husband and I have always lived comfortably under our means so that we could afford to have weekend getaways, or to buy little things we wanted, or to be really generous when it came to birthday gifts for our family. Now that we are expecting our first child, we have been awoken from our financial comfort with a big bucket of cold water right on our heads. Not only are babies expensive (diapers, food, clothing, daycare), but they also cause a loss in income (unpaid months of maternity leave). I don’t know about other new parents out there, but we certainly don’t swim in an excess of $2000 every month, so we basically will not be able to afford full-time daycare if our finances stay the way they are.
Cue our intellectual savvy and focus to make/save money.
The first thing we had to do was to take a close look at our ins and outs: where does our money go every month and what could we live without? The analysis was easy to pull, since we’ve spent hours upon hours over the past several years tracking all of our expenses on Microsoft Money (or Quicken, whatever the cheapest license is). Our results were:
Eating out
Gifts
Parking
I thought “Ok, no way will we be cutting down on these things. After all, I don’t cook every night (screw that!), I don’t bring food from home to work every day (Brian hates left overs, and considers daily $25 lunches at the Cheesecake Factory his “social” time). And how to avoid paying $27/day in parking (or $15/day at the least in Boston) if Brian is not a morning person and getting up early to catch the train is out of the question? Also, I’m 8 months pregnant! I’m not about to give up my cushy $4/day parking at the station in order to walk 15 min each morning to the closest station. No way. And what about gifts? We love our family and we are the only ones that have well-paying jobs. We feel it’s our duty to share our good fortune with people we love.”
There had to be another way! All of these items seemed impossible to bring down! We had great reasons not to touch those expenses.
It took a big revelation to get our motivation going: WE CANNOT AFFORD DAYCARE. Literally… we have NO MONEY for daycare. If we didn’t address this now, we’d be in a far deeper hole later. I guess it was time to get our little hineys in gear.
The first thing I did, as kitchen manager, was to make sure we planned our dinner meals for the week, and go food shopping with a specific list the weekend before. Brian may not like left overs, but I could just as easily make an additional meal at night to bring it to work with me. If I didn’t have food to bring to work, I’d stick to the cafeteria’s $4.50 chicken sandwiches. By reducing my lunches to $5 a couple of days a week, I managed to save on the usual daily $9-$15 lunches I used to have. Monthly savings = $9 x 5 days minus $5 x 2 days = $35 x 4 weeks= $140. Even my husband jumped on the saving wagon: he didn’t give up the social lunches that meant so much to his work/life balance, but he started choosing appetizer-size meals (if you’ve ever eaten at the Cheesecake Factory, you know portions are huge anyway) and started ordering (free) water instead of his usual coke. Including tip, his meals went from $25 to $11. All other days of the week he’d get the $5 burger or tuna fish sandwich at the cafeteria/food court. Monthly savings = $25 x 3 days + $9 x 2 days minus ($11 x 3 days + $5 x 2 days) = $50 x 4 weeks = $200.
What about dinners? We used to spend money on groceries in addition to eating out 3 nights a week, PLUS every meal on weekends was dine-out. That added up to about $50 on weeknights + $70 on weekends (on average) = $120 x 4 weeks = $480/month. Now we only eat out one night a week ($17) and a couple fast food meals on weekends ($20). Monthly savings = $480 minus ($37 x 4 weeks) = $332.
Assume groceries stay the same: I used to buy everything full price at the supermarket, but now I shop a lot smarter! So I get more for less.
Speaking of groceries, I had to accept my shortcomings and ignorance and knock on a friend’s door to leverage her strengths and help me sharpen my conscious-shopping skills. My friend was not only gracious enough to show me everything I needed to know about thrifty grocery shopping, but she was also SO EXCITED to show me. [Moral of the story: People love helping others on things they are good at – use them! Don’t be shy to ask!]. Here are some tips I’ll be taking away from our “private lesson”:
Shop from your pantry first. In other words, get ideas for the week’s meals from stuff you already have and build the menu around it. This cuts down on buying every ingredient on every recipe.
Make your menu for the week and write a list of stuff you need to buy. Remember to keep in mind nights you know you won’t be eating at home, and plan for weekend meals!
Need to buy cleaning supplies, bathroom items, cereal or dry/canned goods? Buy these at a discount store (Walmart, Target, Costco, BJs). NEVER buy these at the supermarket. That’s where they getcha!
Go online to the supermarket websites to find out which store is running sales on items on your list. If none are, you may want to revise your list based on items that are on sale that week. For example, if you were planning to make a chicken dinner, but pork is on sale, make it a pork chop night!
Once you figure out which store near you will give you the biggest bang for your buck, go there and shop. STICK TO YOUR LIST! No exceptions!!!
Back to our savings plan: I plan on not spending more than I usually did on groceries. Maybe I’ll spend even less now that I’m actually giving it some thought!
Next, gifts. That’s a tough one and I’ll admit that we haven’t completely figured it out yet. What happens very often is that someone in the family will come up with an expensive gift idea for a birthday and everybody has to pitch in. Since the economy went south, we usually end up paying for 50% of the gift, even though it’s supposed to be split 5 ways. Most recently, we’ve just implicitly agreed on a maximum expense of $50 per gift (July is going to HURT – so many bdays!). I can’t say this is a vast improvement, but at least it’s a limit. I’ll let you know how this turned out later.
About parking: we actually found quite the ingenious solution to this one! Turns out that there are two sweet spots around Brian’s work building in Cambridge: one whole row where there is free parking any time, but fills up by 7:30 am, and another that opens at 10 am and is free all day long after that. Since Brian can’t help but sleep until he’s done, and the train is “supposed to” adjust to HIS schedule, he tends to miss the train quite a lot. So he continues to drive to work. He makes it there by 9 am and parks in front of his building, which is 1 hr parking. When 10 am starts approaching, he moves his car to the free slots. Boom: free parking! Monthly savings = $27 x 2 days + $15 x 2 days = $84 x 4 weeks = $336.
As for me, well, I should really remain active through pregnancy. Since I don’t have a regular workout routine, walking for 15 min every morning is actually good for me. So, no more $4/day parking for me. Monthly savings = $4 x 5 days x 4 weeks = $80.
We didn’t just have to make these adjustments, though. We also got rid of little luxuries that we just couldn’t afford any longer: no more piano lessons ($160/month), no more gym membership ($45/month), no more frivolous online purchases ($150/month).
So, what’s our monthly savings tally?
Eating out
$472
Gifts
? (TBA)
Parking
$416
Piano
$160
Gym
$45
Purchases
$150
TOTAL
$1243
Woo hoo! We’re almost there!
One more thing I have been doing is sell my books online. I have made about $300 in two weeks, which is incredible considering Brian just wanted to donate them, and I still got plenty more to go! One thing that really helped was getting a LOT of books from a friend who was planning on donating them anyway. $$$Ca-chin$$$
I also went to the bank and got (free) sleeves to roll up my own change. You could dump your change into a CoinStar machine, but it will take anywhere from 8-10% commission on your total. I rolled up $80 this week and I’ll get to keep every penny! Just need to go to the bank and deposit it!
$78 worth of rolled-up change!
So, there you have it. We have found great comfort in frugality and we are a little bit richer for it, even though our main sources of income have stayed exactly the same.
Sorry, I know it was a long one! Thanks for reading this far!
Good morning! I thought I’d just send out good vibes to the world today by sharing a few things I’ve learned over the past few weeks:
You don’t need to get a higher paying job in order to have more disposable income. Some things you can do are: sell things you don’t use anymore, stop paying for things you could live without, stick to eating at home, or stick to a bill around $5 ($10 at the most) whenever you do eat out, and seek out sales for things you normally keep in stock. Mmm, maybe this topic deserves its own Blog post.
Don’t expect your partner to be capable of doing, or be willing to do, everything. Focus on their strengths and you on yours, and truly complement each other. Check the scoreboard at the door.
Failed friendships/relationships hurt, and the feeling of regret won’t go away. If it can’t be repaired, or you don’t believe there’s any point in trying, then educate yourself on the concept of cognitive dissonance and use it to convince yourself that you are both better off. Your own emotions and mental health should be your #1 priority. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, surround yourself by happy, cheerful people.
There are a lot of people who want to be around you, but you might not know it or realize it yet. It’s time to water those friendships and allow them to flourish. Call someone up for coffee this week, you might be surprised at what you find.
Give the bad news. People can handle it, and, after an appropriate period of shock, they will get used to it. They simply have no choice. However, be understanding, and support them through it (as backwards as it may seem)
Smile at people you just met. It makes you seem nice and approachable, and it makes them feel good (even if they don’t smile back at first, they’ll come around).
Don’t accept short or nonsensical answers when it comes to your health, and take accountability for your health by way of knowledge. Remember that NOBODY cares more about your health, and NOBODY knows your body, more/better than YOU. You are your best advocate.
Most times you can find a study or website that supports claims on both sides of the fence. Consider them both, but ultimately, it might come down to what you are comfortable with or what you believe in. Don’t ignore your gut feeling, as long as you’ve considered all angles.
Lastly, remember that being happy starts with you. Nobody else is responsible for it, and nobody will come and rescue you.
Floss.
Happy Tuesday everyone!
ina
PS: Added the last one at the last minute to make it an even 10 🙂 (yes, I’m Monk).
I am having issues. “What else is new?” you may be wondering…
Let me start with an anecdote. Yesterday we had a family softball game with Brian’s entire father’s side of the family. Most of the people were in the backyard with the grill and the food and the games, while I was inside helping Brian’s cousin’s wife, Robin, who is a new mother, with something to drink and to eat while she nursed. Being 7 months pregnant, I took an interest in chatting with her and get any advice she’d be willing to give. At one point, her husband, Luke, came in and asked if she wanted anything to eat. I was starting to get hungry, so I just said, half jokingly (but half not) how I wish I had a husband who would take care of me and bring me food. They called his name a couple of times, but Brian couldn’t hear very well outside and wasn’t convinced he was being called so he just ignored it. So Luke said he could get me some food, to which I responded that it’s not his job, and I’ll go get it myself.
When I ran into Brian outside, I told him how I wish he was the one to bring me food (again, half-joking, half not), and he said “oh I’m sorry, I’ve been here busy taking care of the dogs, and I’m worried that one of them is tired and hasn’t had any water.” So I said “no worries, I know where I stand in priority when it comes to the dogs” and he said “yeah, I’m glad you do!” He thought it was a clever comeback, but considering I was actually really wishing he was being more attentive, I took it to heart. I think that’s when it all started coming down.
I waited around for my burger, but it took a while to be ready… so I was hungry and just trying to keep busy, when I really just wanted to get off my feet.
Finally the food came and I went to find a spot to sit. I saw my husband standing next to an empty folding chair, leaning on the back of the seat with one hand, and holding a can of Coke with the other, so I thought I’d sit by him and maybe get to spend some time together and get over whatever these stupid feelings against him were. When I sat down, he lost his grip and spilled Coke on the chair and the back of my shirt. I got up immediately, and I apologized profusely… this didn’t help my state of mind. Now I was thinking “I’m such an inconvenience for him that I’m just making things worse by being around him.” So I took my food and sat elsewhere. I could feel tears welling up, but I tried to absorb them.
I needed napkins and a drink, but I felt like such a bother, I didn’t want to ask for help. Finally I swallowed my pride and a couple of people were kind enough to bring me napkins and a water bottle. So there I was, sitting on a folding chair, plate in one hand, closed water bottle in the other… until someone offered to open the bottle for me. With a big sigh of surrender, I said yes, I needed help. That’s when the tears started pouring out and there was no hiding them.
I got up as discreetly as I could, and went to sit on a bench at the front of the house, and I just started bawling. Turns out my husband had noticed where I had gone, and he followed behind me. He sat next to me and asked me what was wrong as many times as it took for me to realize that maybe I should say something, no matter how stupid I felt I was being, and how much I felt I shouldn’t be penalizing him for something he has NO idea he was (or wasn’t) doing to me.
So I told him the story, while still crying my eyes out, and added that we are caught in a vicious cycle: he has NEVER had to be so attentive with me because I have always been very independent, and because I pride myself in being independent, I don’t ask for help. The way I think about it is: I don’t need him to move heavy stuff for me, I don’t need him to open jars for me, I don’t need him to go to the store and get me something, I don’t need him to bring me water when I’m thirsty. I don’t NEED him. I never have. So in essence I’m asking him to do something he has never had to do for me before: to be attentive and preemptive about my needs. I’m also putting myself in a very vulnerable position: recognizing that I do need help.
He understood the conundrum, and he gave himself credit for being attentive whenever he did notice I needed help… unfortunately, it’s not very often.
Is this really happening? Am I really relinquishing my independence for the sake of getting my husband to pay me more attention? I have always prided myself in not needing help… and now that I do need it, I’m having a very difficult time accepting my shortcomings.
Does this ring a bell with anyone out there? Or is it my hormones that are making these little matters bigger than they actually need to be? Just wondering…
The Summer of George!The past 6 months have come with their fair share of ups and downs. Sometimes it’s harder than it should be to get exactly what you want, but you should always remember that, in the end, you might just get what you need.
So, with that mantra in mind, I am officially letting go. I declare this THE SUMMER OF GEORGE! (well, the summer of ina, but the original is far catchier). This summer I am going to enjoy the little preparations that I have not had the mental stamina to handle in months: setting up the baby’s room, buying baby car seats, strollers, mini clothes, etc. I also wanted to go to the beach at some point and get a cute picture of me and my oversized belly 🙂 Wouldn’t that be cute?? This summer will be MY summer.
So what to do… what to do… well, first I’ll finish setting up the house. We are having our new bedroom set and mattress delivered this week, which I hope will eliminate the need for getting up at 2am with a back ache and having to finish my sleep on the couch because my husband is taking up 75% of our very uncomfortable full size bed, and then staying awake for 1.5hrs until the relaxation muses have done their thing. Sigh. Man, that was not a good way to start out the week this morning.
Once the new bedroom set is in place (Hallelujah), we’ll set up the guest bed elsewhere to leave room for setting up the nursery. We’ll finally get to put together the crib I got at a garage sale (I’m nervous we might not have all the screws for it!!). Also, Brian’s family already volunteered to paint babycove’s room 🙂 I’ll definitely take them up on that! So maybe I should go to Home Depot and pick a color! 🙂
Anyways, it’s time to start enjoying this pregnancy the way Babies R Us intended. Viva the capitalism! 😉
We thought Women’s Health Associates (173 Worcester St, Wellesley, MA) was the place for us, and then they did the unthinkable: they dropped us as clients based on ONE meeting, ONE question, and a lot of judgement from ONE midwife in the practice. We shared our story with family and friends and the outrage has been unanimous.
I have been chronicling our steps every week, so the following write-ups were written on that week.
Here’s our story:
Week 17 of Pregnancy
This week I had two “interview-like” pre-natal appointments scheduled: one with the Newton-Wellesley Hospital midwives, and one with the Cambridge Birthing Center midwives; however, after going to the former, I decided to cancel the latter. WHA is the midwifery group that services Newton-Wellesley Hospital. The midwife we saw was Midwife A. The practice has 3 midwives in total, which is great, because that means I’d only have to go through the trouble of meeting two other midwives in preparation for delivery (any one of them could be on call that day, so it helps to know all of them personally). Midwife A sat us down and started explaining their philosophy: most women come to them because they are interested in a drug-free delivery, and that is their specialty. She calculated that about 25% of women receive an epidural when under their care (making for a 75% success rate with natural deliveries, which was encouraging). She was very patient with all of our questions, which ranged anywhere from “can I eat liverwurst?” to “I want to stop taking pre-natal vitamins.” I told her that my biggest fear around hospitals was that because the epidural would be THERE, I’d be inclined to ask for it, even though that is NOT what I really want. I told her I really needed a strong support team around me to help me through this. She said that, although the epidural IS there and they will not deny it to anyone, they will probably take my request and ask me something like “well, why don’t we try this position for the next couple of contractions?” things like that, to try to keep me away from the drugs. That’s EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. Her response was very reassuring. She also explained that, because they don’t work directly at the hospital as staff, they are able to stay with you for most of the time you are in labor (this is different from other hospitals, where the midwives have multiple deliveries going on at once and might pop in once every couple of hours). She made us feel great and like this was the right place for us.
Week 25 of Pregnancy
We visited midwife #2 (of 3), Midwife C. I do have to say we got off on the wrong foot. First off, I wanted to have some time to discuss our birth plan, just like we had done with Midwife A on our first appointment, but Midwife C was in a rush saying we only had 20 min for our appointment and that there would be “plenty of time later.” This threw me off a bit, because I was expecting to have more time. So I just jumped to my first question: can I have a say on when the cord is cut? Her answer, No, they have their own policy to cut it once it stops pulsing. I asked her what if I wanted it to stay on for 15 min. She said No, because there is a risk of hemorrhage, to which I responded that that didn’t make any sense. When you cut the cord has NOTHING to do with when/how the placenta is delivered (which is what she was referring to with the bleeding risk). That’s the point when she got defensive and basically told us that they have their policies, and if we didn’t like them, then we should probably just have a home birth, and by the way, don’t even think of having all your pre-natal appointments here if you are going to end up having a home birth in the end, “we don’t do that.” At this point I was crying. I did not feel taken care of, and I wanted to just walk out and have a home birth. But Brian, with his completely leveled head, told her that our information is coming from Nancy Wainer, and she’s got to understand that we need her help to balance out the information we get from Nancy. To this, Midwife C responded that all midwives crinch at the mention of Nancy’s name, and they disagree with a lot of the things she does, and she’s surprised that she hasn’t convinced us to have a home birth yet.
At the end, Midwife C was trying her best to smile, and said she would do some research regarding the hospital policy about when to cut the cord, and that we should call her this weekend.
Week 26 of Pregnancy
Called Midwife C back. I had my script down: “I think we got off on the wrong foot, we really don’t want a home birth, we want to make this work, and we need your help to balance out the information we get from Nancy.” I was hoping she’d be more open, but she continued to go off on her rants. She even got to the point of explaining to ME why natural birth was better than not, and how their practice was the best “middle-point” between doctors and home births (ummm… hello, we already did the research, you’re preaching to the choir here). And she also added (repeatedly) that maybe a home birth would be best for us. I had to just cut through the unnecessary and useless fluff with a machete as if I was walking through the rain forest, tried to ignore her remarks, and I tried to focus on my questions: “please explain what you mean by ‘active management’ of ‘3rd stage’ delivery,” or “you mentioned jelly beans, are those regular store-bought jelly beans?” and other technical things like that. I stayed away from any other controversial questions, but she continued to lecture. She made her agenda very very clear, and I did not appreciate it one bit. Midwives are supposed to help you with YOUR agenda, not impose their own onto you. She was even saying some scary stuff about how I should not be selfish and I should put my baby first at all cost, etc (which is scary because that’s the kind of orthodox phrasing that doctors use to convince you to do C-sections). I know she’s against surgery, but her obvious strong opinions about every single topic and every single test was made very obvious, and I did not feel listened to, taken care of, or even taken into account in the process. She had said to come back in 4-6 weeks when we were in her office, and now she was saying I should make my appointment for 2 weeks from now. I asked her why the change, and she said they don’t usually see people who “are off doing their own thing” that often. So basically, regardless of what we were telling her, she had already written us off as “these people are not good for US” and sent me packing to not come back but in a month or so. I was furious at this. I made the decision right there that I might not have any say on who’s on call on the day of the delivery, but I do have a choice on whom to have my pre-natal appointments with, and I do not want to see Midwife C again.
Week 27 of Pregnancy
This week I reached a breaking point. You may recall my rant on this blog (called The Stress-free Natural Birth Paradox) last week where I expressed frustration at all the mixed information. I was depressed and I would cry without warning. My poor husband was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do to make me feel better. Our interaction with Midwife C was making me feel devastated, confused and unsupported.
Our next stop was to make an appointment with the 3rd and final midwife, Midwife B for our 28-week check and hope that appointment would go smoother. However, considering the amount of stress I had been feeling rooted on our last visit with Midwife C, we decided to make our next appointment with Midwife A instead. She’s the first midwife we met who made us feel so comfortable and supported.
And then we got this letter (click to enlarge)
Letter from Women’s Health Associates
They bumped us!!!!! All based on ONE meeting, ONE question, and a LOT of judgement on Midwife C’s part. We plan on reviewing them on the Better Business Bureau, Angie’s List, Yelp, and anywhere else where we can reach critical-thinkers who are looking for a supportive practice.
I have a whole bunch of books in my bookcase that I have never read. It’s like having my own private Barnes & Noble in my own house. It’s great. So one day I finally decided to pick up Memoirs of a Geisha, and it was a marvelous choice.
In short, it’s the story of a girl, Chiyo, who was ripped from her elderly parents at age 9 and sold to a Geisha house (an okiya) in Kyoto, where she would spend the rest of her youth learning the art of entertaining. This included learning to dance, play the shamisen and have interesting conversations with uninteresting men. Now, it wasn’t as simple as that. This girl had to endure being separated from her family for no apparent reason, being “checked” by doctors without her consent, being treated like a maid and being emotionally harassed by Hatsumomo, a beautiful yet cruel Geisha who was the main breadwinner in her okiya.
Even through years of hardship, Chiyo (Geisha name “Sayuri”) managed to keep her soft spoken mannerism and kind attitude. But many times throughout the story I kept wondering whether someone could really live her life like a delicate rose petal on a rocky brook: letting the current take it adrift without any way to steer clear of obstacles. When was she ever going to stand up for herself and make her own destiny? Was that an option? Did she ever think she had a choice?
You can say it is my impressionable nature that allows my mind to be completely enthralled in a story, but I felt like I was learning with her about how to entertain Japanese businessmen. There was something about the objectification of these women that made life seem so simple. If you have no depth, there are no expectations of you. Seems so simple. You can’t piss people off if they just expect you to smile and tell silly stories. None of the businessmen ever wondered what these girls were made of, what they thought of their own lives, who they wanted to be with, what they wanted. Like Sayuri’s mentor, Mameha, once said “we don’t become Geisha because it’s easy, we do it because we have no choice.” That is quite telling of their life. They just have no choice.
I encourage others to read this book. It truly takes you to a different world and into the mind of someone in completely different circumstances from your own. What a great novel.
I have been absent from blogging for a while. Not because I don’t have anything to say (the day that happens, you might as well bring a fly swatter to smash the flies on my body, because I’d be dead), but because I’ve had very little time to sit down and write with purpose. I’ve been jotting things down here and there in notepads, so I hope to put together a good introspective blog soon.
In the meantime, I thought you (as in, the world) would benefit from this magnificent post by my friend Half Awake called Self Empathy. I’d review it, but I don’t want to add judgment to your experience of reading this. Please enjoy.
I have never been into meditation, but today I tried an experiment.
When I got into my car on the way to work, I sat for two full minutes with my eyes closed an the engine off. During these two minutes, I repeatedly gave voice to the feelings and sensations I was aware of. Each time I felt something I said “I am aware that I …”, where the blank was the sensation I was experiencing. I said things like:
“I am aware that I am hearing a plane fly overhead.”
“I am aware that I am stressed about a project I have to work on today.”
“I am aware of the feeling that I have to go to the bathroom.”
“I am aware that I enjoyed time with my friends this weekend.”
“I am aware that despite having a good weekend, I am judging myself for not accomplishing enough.”
“I am aware of the feeling of the sun shining through my car window.”
The goal was not to place judgments on any of these feelings or inner interpretations, but rather just to acknowledge them. I found myself wanting to follow “I am aware that I feel …” with “and that means I should…”. I tried hard to veer away from those thoughts.
At the end of two minutes I felt relaxed, but the real impact was more subtle, and over the course of the day. I acutually found myself more conscious of what I was thinking and feeling, and a bit less reactive in interpersonal situations. It wasn’t perfect, and quite often that awareness came only in retrospect, but it was somehow refreshing to hear the words “I am aware that I” going through my head spontaneously.
I’m having issues. I’m getting so defensive about my birth plan that I even antagonize people who are supposedly on my side 🙁 My mother has shown nothing but support, but I know she’s holding back her own feelings. My midwife works at a hospital so she’s obviously biased right? My birth class instructor has one item on her agenda: to get me to choose a home birth. And my husband… well, he’s definitely of the same mind as I am… but I know he thinks I’m too defensive. I guess I don’t know what my problem is. I’m sad, defensive, and just plain unhappy. I am disappointed in my birthing class because it appears to be preparing couples who will have a home birth with this particular midwife, so she purposely will not cover any risk factors or mitigations. I hate that. How can I be my own advocate at the hospital if I am unaware of the risks, causes, consequences and alternatives? I’ll end up with a c-section for sure! That thought frightens me. I expected more out of $400 worth of classes.
But what to do in the meantime? Why can’t I be happy that I’ll be having a baby and I’ll be having someone to love and love me inconditionally? I’m starting to dread the delivery. I feel like it will be a battle, and not so much a team sport. I feel alone 🙁
I can’t even talk to my sister about it. She’s against this whole thing.
I wish I could free my mind. It’s being enslaved by all these negative thoughts. How can I break free?
This was an eventful weekend in history, and this would not be an opinionated person’s opinion blog if I didn’t weigh in on every single event.
Royal WeddingThe Royal Wedding of Will & Kate
I woke up at 5:30am on Friday, April 29th, and decided to have breakfast in front of the TV… And there it was: the Royal Wedding was in procession! I got to see the invitees go in, Princes William and Harry arrive and take their places, the much-awaited wedding gown of Kate’s, and the exchange of vows.
The commentators said that this was as close to a fairy tale as we get to see in real life. This made me look at the whole thing with a new set of eyes. It’s so true: the Prince found his Princess in college, had a 9 year relationship, and decided to finally marry when they were both good and ready to say “I do” (or “I will” as they actually did say).
I have full faith in this fairy tale ending for them, and I am sure they will go on to do great things with their new roles in life as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Congratulations!
bin Laden is DeadOsama bin Laden is dead
Sunday, May 1st, at 11pm EST, President Obama addressed the nation to inform us that Osama bin Laden had been located and killed by US forces. Turns out he wasn’t in a cave at all, but living in a large compound in Pakistan, near a military base.
I cheer with Americans for this long awaited triumph over one of the lords of al-Qaeda.
This is a great moment for the world and says a lot about Obama’s presidency. On the flip side, the fight is not over. Osama bin Laden gave terrorism a new life, and the movement expands beyond himself. I see this event as (hopefully) a pivotal point in the fight against world terrorism, but there is still much more to be done.
My 30th Birthday!My 30th Birthday
Lastly, on April 30th, I turned 30! It was a great weekend full of celebration with friends, Facebook messages, phone calls, hallmark cards and presents.
All through my 20s I dreaded turning 30. That was the end of life as I knew it. What can I say, Sex and the City makes you feel like life after 30 is spent wishing you were 20 again. But then I started thinking: ten years ago I had NO IDEA what my life was going to be like, I had not met 99% of the friends I have now, and I had not met my husband. Think about it: 10 years is a really long time to do something with your life!
All I have to say is that I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my first day of a new decade. I feel renewed and very much alive! I love happy beginnings! “I’ll do it better in my next 30 years” 🙂
I’ll leave you with this 30th bday song by Tim McGraw (man, there’s a song for everything, isn’t there?)
My Next Thirty Years Tim McGrawPerformed by Tim McGraw
I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
In my next thirty years, I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years
Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here
In my next thirty years
I was talking to my husband, Brian, last night. I told him I was feeling a little lost lately.
For the longest time (many many years) I have been coming up with little ideas for things to do. Things that may seem crazy, but totally doable to me. Some of those things came to fruition, like volunteering at hospitals and a suicide hotline to help people; and some never took off, like my wanting to perform a comedy routine. My brain was always going. Anytime I’d say to Brian “so, I’ve been thinking…” he’d freak out “Oh no! What are you thinking of this time???” It was my thing.
But now… now… I’ve settled into an unproductive groove. Ideas are still there (write a book, work on the comedy routine, think of a way to get some side income, and others), but I stop the idea even before it starts brewing. After all, what are the odds I’ll actually carry it through this time around? I’ve been discouraging myself by citing my inconsistent record back to myself.
And so I do nothing. I come home at night, figure out dinner, and get to bed by 9:30. Repeat 5x/week. Then weekends come and I look forward to doing laundry, going to piano lesson, and having some time to spend with Brian. Nothing happens. Nothing changes.
Ever feel like you’ve reached a lull? But then you remember that when things were crazy busy and you were stressed out you wished you had nothing else to do? Looks like we can’t have it all. I don’t want to be crazy busy again… I just want to feel a little more fulfilled.
Any ideas on how to get started? What motivates you to get off your bum and shake things up?
I don’t know if these are real, and I don’t really care. These are FUNNY! 🙂 Enjoy 🙂
The comments in blue are side notes made by someone out there along the way. I thought they were funny, so I kept them in.
ina
— Original Message —
The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)………… and they WILL breed.
Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans? A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections? A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids? A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age? A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination? A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)? A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U
Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie
Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean? A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’ A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness? A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Last night, my family and I watched the movie The Blind Side (2009) together. I’ll cut to the chase: it was REALLY good. It’s one of those movies that pulls at your heart strings and provides an opportunity to be moved (aka cry) every five minutes. My husband got a kick out of my water works, but I have to say I’m still deeply touched by the entire experience.
Sometimes we wish we could do more for the world, but so many things get in the way inside our own heads. For me, for example, it’s the overwhelming sense that there is no way to make an impact when the problems in the world are so vast. What is the point of saving a single orphaned baby squirrel from the elements when there are so many out there in the exact same situation? Maybe it’s just best to not disturb the natural order of things.
Fortunately for humanity, none of these self-sabotaging and debilitating thoughts stopped Leigh Anne Tuohy from following her heart and doing what she felt was right. She trusted this unknown kid so blindly from the start, that it makes you wonder whether she was being courageous and charitable, or just plain stupid and infinitely naïve. Either way, it ended up working out and she set a great example to others who want to do the right thing, but have too much doubt to act upon it. Maybe we are not all cut out to bring a stranger into our homes, clothe them, feed them and adopt them, but maybe we can all find little ways to help someone around us. Maybe it’s through volunteer work, or through donations, or through simply making someone’s life easier at work.
I wish you all luck on finding that thing that will fill your heart. I’ll certainly be on the lookout for one of my own.
ina
PS: Here are some pictures of the real-life people the movie is based on:
This weekend was mellow, lazy, and productive in a minimal way, but productive nonetheless 🙂 Visited my neighbors’ new baby, played UNO and had dinner with them, and spent Sunday rearranging things around the house in preparation of my parents visit next week.
This morning I woke up at 5am, took care of my emails, did a few stretches, went for a walk in my neighborhood, made eggs for breakfast, showered, moisturized, and watched an episode of Frasier (only the best show ever). I gotta tell ya, waking up early really has a way to set up your day.
I also felt very lucky to live where I do. I was chatting with a friend who lives in Venezuela (where I’m originally from), and I told him that I would have never gone for a walk before dawn in Caracas. A woman, alone, in the dark? That’s asking for trouble. His response was: heck, a man, not alone, at noon, same thing! There’s just no way to escape crime! It’s just a shame.
Today also happens to be the day we commemorate a failed attempt to oust Chavez from the presidency. A day when his supporters unapologetically opened fire over an unarmed mass of demonstrators, and then had the balls to say it was the other way around. Things that happen out there are just outrageous and quite unbelievable. [Deep breath] Don’t get me started.
Anyways, why don’t we end in a positive note? My point is: waking up early is awesome and everyone should try it 🙂 How’s that for a closing? 🙂
I got this as a forward message from my mother, and I think it’s fabulous.
Sorry to those non-Spanish speakers… there is no translation in any sense of the word. You’d have to have lived in Chávez’s Venezuela to even grasp the references.
Enjoy.
(if someone out there knows the origin of this text, please leave a comment with the original link. Thanks!)
Yo no sé qué es lo que se ha creido Hugo Chávez. Que valiente. Que bravo. Criticar todo el día al imperialismo yankee desde un micrófono. Claro, la comodidad del palacio presidencial te lo permite. Así cualquiera se despepitaría hablando todo un santo día.
¿Porqué no te vienes para acá a denigrar sobre el capitalismo?
Vente a sufrir con uno en carne propia lo que es el capitalismo salvaje, para que sepas y descubras lo que es tener que salir de la casa en busca de comida y encontrarla sin problemas. Para que sientas en lo mas profundo de tu ser lo que siginifica tener que vivir toda la vida sin rejas. Para que sufras todas las noches como nosotros lo hacemos cuando tenemos que ir a dormir sin tener que pasarle el seguro a las puertas. Aquí tiene uno que vivir bajo la angustia de poder dejar la puerta del garaje abierta y arriesgarse a que nadie te robe nada del garage. Ni siquiera una bicicleta nueva. Nojoda! que bicicleta?……equipos de golf y de pesca.
Yo no sé si tú te has enterado Hugo, pero aquí uno vive traumatizado con la facilidad para adquirir los bienes. En esta vaina se consigue de todo a toda hora todos los días del año. No como ustedes allá que no tienen un carajo y son felices.
Desde Venezuela es muy fácil criticar Hugo. ¿a quién no le gustaría vivir en la revolución? Por eso es que se les hace fácil criticar. Vengan a sentir en sus bolsillos lo que es el capitalismo salvaje. Vengan a sentir de cerca lo que es mantener la piscina limpia y los jardines con flores y pajaritos. ¿quién créen ustedes que le dá de comer a las ardillas y a los pajaritos salvajes todos los sábados? Ni de vaina se calan ustedes esa maraca ¿verdad? Que bolas…..¿ustedes saben lo que es ir a una playa y tener que dejar las ventanas del carro abiertas y que nadie te robe los CD’s? No ¿verdad? Bueno, esa es nuestra tragedia aquí. Eso es lo que tenemos que calarnos nosotros los que en mala hora abandonamos nuestro paraiso venezolano. Y eso no es nada, la vaina se pone peor.
Hace unos días una amiga salió de compras y dejó el carro encendido y de ñapa, con el aire acondicionado a todo dar. SORPRESA!!!….al regresar el carro todavía estaba allí, y de paso, con el volante mas frío que mojón de pinguino. Por mala leche para ella nadie se atrevió a robárselo. A la pobre por poco le dá una vaina cuando vió que el carro todavía estaba donde lo había dejado. Si no hubiera sido por un par de atracadores que al verla sufriendo y toda desesperada, la ayudaron, a lo mejor le hubiera dado un ataque de…..coño, no sé….. de lechina rusa o algo así. Esas son las vainas que los ustedes los revolucionarios no tienen que sufrir. Nosotros en cambio, nos calamos esta vaina todos los días aquí en este maldito imperialismo.
Ahhhh! y otra cosa….ni se les ocurra salir a comprar café o tomates, coño porque es que los consigues en cualquier parte a cualquier hora. Que arrechera. Pero ustedes critican porque tienen la papa pelada. A ustedes les acaparan las vainas y después se las venden cuando ya están vencidas, podridas, verdes, con moho, con bacterias jugando dominó, etc, etc, y uno aquí tiene que calarse esta vaina de la comida fresca a juro. Que bolas! Vénganse pa’cá a calarse este sufriemiento con nosotros nojoda, envez de estar despotricando gratuitamente del capitalismo salvaje que nos está matando de felicidad.
Dígame el transporte, la vivienda y los bienes. Ese es otro peo mas que tiene uno que sufrir en esta vaina. Aquí todo el mundo tiene mas de dos carros, mas de dos casas, mas de cinco televisores, tarjetas de crédito a patadas por ese culo, lavadoras, secadoras, lancha, motorhome, etc, etc. Toda una locura este imperialismo salvaje. ¿quién en su sano juicio podría tolerar esta calamidad sin volverse loco? NADIE!!
Yo invito a todos los camaradas revolucionarios para que se vengan a ver los toros aquí en el ruedo y no desde la barrera. Vengan a sufrir con nosotros y a ayúdarnos a acabar con este gobierno imperialista que ni siquiera sabe lo que está pasando en mi urbanización. Me dá arrechera conseguir una biblioteca cada ocho cuadras, en donde gente de todas las edades, principalmente los carajitos que…… pobrecitos, no tienen la culpa de esta vaina, tienen acceso gratis a cualquier libro o video disponible. Esa vaina no se le hace a nadie. Y si son canchas deportivas, coño….ya vengo….voy a vomitar.
Que arrechera! Me cayó mal pensar en canchas deportivas. Pero buah! que carajo. Así se sufre en esta vaina. Y les agradezco una vaina, no me pregunten por los hospitales…de eso mejor ni hablemos. Como extraño Barrio Adentro.Por eso es que me arrecha tanto la criticadera; porque ustedes tienen las vainas papayita allá y uno aquí calándose esta vaina todo despreocupado y sin tormentos. No como ustedes, afortunados de mierda!
A los apoyan la revolución, e inclusive, hasta los bolsas de la oposición que tanto se quejan en Noticiero Digital, los invito a que vengan a ver como se sufre en esta vaina. Criticar desde Venezuela donde no hay un carajo de nada, es muy fácil. Vengan a joderse aquí con nosotros, donde hay de todo y para todos. ¿o acaso ustedes créen que eso de tener que vivir sin tragar humo de autobuses o de bombas lacrimógenas (en chavista: “lagrimojenas”) es papayita? Nooooo! están muy equivocados amigos, compadres y camaradas. Aquí se respira aire con olor a pino, a grama recien cortada, a flores silvestres, a rosas de múltiples fragancias, a jardines, a calles límpias. Vengan a calarse esta vaina con nosotros para que sepan lo que es malo.
Nadie sabe lo que es capitalismo hasta que no lo sufre. Uno aquí rogando por tener aunque sea una calle con aguas negras donde los hijos de uno puedan jugar tranquilos y que no tengan que regresar a la casa todos limpiecitos; nojoda… y ustedes allá en el paraiso revolucionario criticando día y noche en medio de ríos de aguas negras. Coño que sabroso. Agarren un avión y se vienen a vivir bien aquí con uno, pa’ que sepan lo que es malo de verdad-verdad.
¿ustedes saben lo que es no poder ver un maldito perro realengo en ninguna parte? ¿qué vaina es esa? ¿cómo puede ser posible que en un país “desarrollado” como este, no se pueda ver ni un perrito realengo muriéndose de hambre y con siete borrachos detrs de el dándole patadas por el culo? No es posible! Pues bien, así tenemos que vivir nosotros en esta mierda de imperialismo yankee.
Yo quisiera pelar bolas y pasar arrecheras todos los días, pero en esta vaina, es imposible. Aquí, para arrechera de todos, los servicios públicos funcionan casi a la perfección. Ser policía en el imperialismo por ejemplo, es sinónimo de éxito. No es como ser policía en la revolución. No. Ni de vaina. Que vá! Pero mejor no vamos a hablar de eso para no correr el riesgo de herir la suceptibilidad de algún policía “gringo” que pueda estar leyendo, porque esa es otra vaina….esos carajos hablan, leen y escriben hasta tres y cuatro idiomas.
Por todo esto mis amigos revolucionarios es que yo quiero pedirles a todos, y en especial a tí, Hugo Chávez, que se vengan a sufrir en el capitalismo salvaje que tanto odian. Para que sepan lo que es malo de verdad-verdad y no anden comparando su revolución bonita con esta mierda imperialista y acaba mundo.
Quiero que sepan que si yo tuviera la forma de emigrar rumbo a Venezuela, lo hubiera hecho hace siete años, o por lo menos, esta mañana. El problema es que según el Ministro de no sé que vaina, las visas para Venezuela se las están estampando a los solicitantes en las nalgas, porque pasaportes no hay. Yo no quiero enseñar las nalgas compatriotas, camaradas, compadres y amigos. Pinga! Mejor espero a que lleguen los pasaportes. Prefiero calarme esta vaina aquí estóicamente que andar en los pasillos de la ONIDEZ enseñando el culo.
Quienes quieran venirse para los Estados Unidos a pelar bolas y a calarse este maldito imperialismo, escríbanme. Yo los ayudo. Aquí tienen casa, carros, comida, plata, golf, pesca en alta mar, y mucha playa. Pero mucha, no son guebonadas, mucha. Y de las mas arrechas del imperialismo. De esas playas que los turistas de todo el mundo prefieren visitar para pasar arrecheras con todas las comodidades.
Bueno, con esto los dejo. Tengo que darle caviar al gato porque tiene media hora ladillándome para que lo atienda y después tengo que sacar el perro del sauna.
I’ve been feeling a little blah with my life activities lately (or lack thereof). I’ve been taking care of low priorities at work while high priorities bore me to death. The worst part is that I’m starting to feel like working is just not worth the effort (now there’s something independent modern women love to hear other women say). The thoughts that cross my mind are that I wish I could just stay at home for a while so I can think of ways to make money that are more fulfilling than my current job. But then I remember one small detail: in order to succeed at one thing, you have to go all in. You can’t just go in half-assed and just hope it all works out. It takes a lot of time away from family, and a lot of man power to make anything work. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment (clearly). Also, one should never just work for the money… crap. There goes that motivation.
I think of doing a lot of things to make money: start some kind of low-overhead online business, write a novel, organize people’s junk, sell stuff online, etc. But I am not passionate about any of those things. I guess I’m just tired and I don’t want to do anything.
At the same time, I recall a piece of advice I gave my sister Monica Geller: we never stop wanting something different (i.e. grass is always greener). So what’s really the point of it all? It can’t be to find that “one thing” that you will love forever… technically, if I’ve been obsessed with hospitals and the medical profession for years, then I AM at my perfect job: great company, local company, full access to medical staff and procedures. I mean, I am in heaven! So maybe sometimes we have to consider the possibility that this is as good as it gets and we are just nit picking because it’s simply our nature.
Really, think about it: if I quit my job to become a…
… full time writer, I would be in one of the loneliest professions in the planet, and I’ll probably fall into a depression or find a job within the first 3 months.
… closet organizer, I’d get sick of people and their stupidness so fast that I’ll want to quit within 2 weeks.
… full time online business owner, it would take up so much of my time (even nights and weekends!) that I’d just suffer through life and end up finding a full time job somewhere.
… job hunting advisor, I’d feel so dissatisfied by the fact that everybody is moving on with their lives but me, that I’d take my own job hunting advice to find myself a new job.
As you can see, there is no one-path I’d like to follow for the rest of my life. If I had it my way, I’d opt for having multiple careers in my lifetime. But then I’d never become an expert or earn in the 6 figures at any one of them.
Men of a Certain AgeI don’t think I’m alone in this. Case in point, check out this podcast of Marc Maron interviewing Ray Romano, and how he decided to make the show Men of a Certain Age not for the money, but because his riches and fame were NOT ENOUGH to fulfill him in life! So what IS the point of it allll???
I guess you just can’t win in the game of life by choosing your perfect career correctly in your 20s and doing it forever, or to get rich. The only way to win appears to be to enjoy the ride and never look back.
So… how do you get in this “live in the moment” mindset?
Woke up at 4:03 am. Didn’t even want to stay in bed (that’s very different for me), so I came downstairs, started the dishwasher, attempted to make hot cocoa from a Hershey’s 100% cocoa box I bought yesterday (#fail), and now I’m writing this tiny blog.
It is midnight on Friday night. I have had a lovely calm, quiet and relaxing evening. I put my baby down at 6:50pm, and all I’ve done since then is: make my own dinner, play FreeCiv on my baby’s tablet, and watch old episodes of Entourage. At the same time, I’m feeling a bit conflicted. I am on the Atkins diet which has actually been working great for the past 3 weeks. I have lost 5 pounds and I do feel like I am eating healthier than I have in the past 2 years. However, I’m going to tell you what I miss: snacking. I miss going to the fridge or the cupboard and grabbing whatever is there and eating a lot of it.
Before I had children, I was always looking for things to do. Going on diets was a great way to pass the time. Now that baby is here, I have zero time to fill with other things (I know, life is tough). It had been a while since I had set out to apply some discipline to my eating habits, but I think it’s time.
Before you sit down to read (ok ok ok, before you take a drive with this audiobook), you should be at least somewhat aware of the humongous powerhouse that this woman represents in the entertainment industry. What’s that? You’re not aware of this? Have you been living in a shoebox for the past 10 years?
Mindy Kaling got her big break as the only woman writer in the successful sitcom The Office (American version) and moved onto create her own show, the hilarious The Mindy Project. You can find her on twitter at @MindyKaling, and she’s HILARIOUS. She posts all the time!
Kathy Griffin got her start as a stand up comedian who got her big break when she got cast to play the funny sidekick in the primetime NBC sitcom Suddenly Susan opposite Brooke Shields. She then got her own reality show, which followed her as a D-List celebrity trying to make it in Hollywood called Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, for which she has earned multiple Emmys. She does HBO stand up comedy specials and still tours the country (and visits troups in war zones). She’s an avid “twatter” at @KathyGriffin.
Rachel Dratch got her fame from being a cast member in Saturday Night Live for 7 years. You might remember her as Debbie Downer, a character she made famous in her third season on the show. She also made guest appearances in 30 Rock alongside Tina Fey, not to be seen or heard from since. You can follow her at @TheRealDratch. I didn’t know she was on, so I just started following her myself.
I know Jay Mohr from the movies Picture Perfect and Jerry Maguire. What I didn’t know was that he was a cast member of SNL back in 1993. Can’t blame me, SNL was not televised in Venezuela, and I only heard of it for the first time in my life in 1999. Now, Jay hosts a podcast called Mohr Stories. Twitter: @JayMohr37.
I went out for drinks and some good old Irish pub food tonight, with the purpose to catch up with a good friend. I wasn’t planning on driving, so I indulged in about 4 ounces of a certain potent potable, effects under which I still find myself.
Last Friday I decided to let my hair down and go watch a few local bands play at the Cantab Lounge in Cambridge. I only made it there in time to see Arthur (the band) and, the band I came to see, Bitch Trifecta, in which Robin Melendez was playing (see Episode 10).
Cantab Lounge
Hello readers! (and by readers I mean, hi Mom… eh, who am I kidding, my mom doesn’t read this either)
Ever wonder what the best way is to withdraw your job application, even after you have already sent out thank you notes and reinforced your interest for the position? Yeah, me too.
I’m on the train commuting to work. My purse was way too full to fit my netbook in this morning, so I decided I would just do some phoning. I turned on Monday’s episode of WTF with Marc Maron and stared at my screen for something to do on my phone. Blank. Nothing to do? Unacceptable. Time to do some blogging. I turn off Marc and get to it.
Looks like my last post was when I had my baby 4 months ago… Tons has happened since then, but I did not want to bore you with all that baby talk (I decided to bore you on another blog instead: Motherhood ina Jar). He he 😉
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! WE ARE HAVING A HOME BIRTH!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! BUT… I can’t call anybody! I can’t tell anyone without getting into a “you’re crazy”/”no I’m not” argument! I’d like to enjoy our decision for a little while… so I’m just going to keep this to myself for as long as I can without BURSTING! Here’s what happened:
This week has been less stressful than last. Now that we are “out” with our decision, our parents have begun the process of getting used to the idea. I still have to get some answers for my parents, such as: will I get an x-ray to determine whether my pelvis is large enough to see a baby through (uhh no thanks), and whether I can get lab tests reviewed by an MD (unlikely). I’m still working on figuring out how to address those types of questions/suggestions; at the same time, I’m trying to get my mother prepared for the birth, since she’ll be present. She said she’d be open to checking out home birth videos and information while she visits prior to the birth. I thought that might be a good way to set expectations and calm some anxieties.
This week started with a tiny budget and a huge task: organizing the gazillion boxes of baby stuff that my sister so generously left at my house before her big move down south. After all, we have to figure out what we have in order to figure out what we need. It was a very pleasant task, and it made for a very relaxing Fourth of July weekend 🙂
This week I finished logging all my meals in the 7-day food journal that Sarafina, my awesome midwife, had me fill out. I’m feeling ok about it, but I’m sure she’ll ask me to add more veggies to my diet.
Welcome to my 8th month of pregnancy! Little Babycove is super active and I’m feeling good!
Other than feeling like I REALLY didn’t want to work at all, this week wasn’t half bad.
This week was mostly marked by drama than anything else (really, what are shower thank you notes for if not to spice up your life?). But moving on, little babycove is moving around and getting bigger every day. Just 2 more weeks until full term! We are so close!!!
This week I have been feeling that breathing issue that I’ve read so much about. Women experience shortness of breath because the baby gets bigger and starts pushing against the diaphragm. Well, now I feel it whenever I walk a lot, walk up the stairs, or when it’s muggy outside. I just have to remember that I’m not superwoman and I should take it easy.
Ok… so I am shamelessly giving up on taking care of myself. I have had more pizza, more take-out, more ice cream, more cake, than I have ever had in the span of a week. My body aches, my ankles are swollen, and it is clear that I’m just letting myself go. At 9 months of pregnancy, people’s reaction to this is “good for you! You’re pregnant! You can get away with it!” But I say NO. I should not ever put my own health second, even when I’m “eating for two.” Sure, my blood pressure continues to be normally low (this week it was 98/54), and my pee-stick tests are all perfectly negative at every appointment, but that does NOT give me the right to put myself through this much completely-avoidable discomfort. On Thursday I even went the extra mile (quite literally) and walked to and from a meeting that was WAY too far away in another building. My legs were hurting so much that my department let me borrow a wheelchair to get to the break room and the bathroom all the way down the hall. After a couple of trips, I felt way too silly to continue. I wish I could just make sensible choices the first time around, and then these measures wouldn’t need to be taken!
This week has felt a lot better than past weeks. I don’t feel like throwing up immediately after feeling hungry, and I feel like I have been taking care of my food intake a little bit better. I also feel good about not missing my twice-a-week workout sessions. I even went swimming this week! One thing is for sure, though: I miss liverworst and deviled ham and turkey deli meat. What I wouldn’t give for some liverworst. Anyways, we visited Norwood Hospital and Newton-Wellesley Hospital this week. I also informed my sister (who has 2 kids) and my mother about my intentions to go natural (I’d been dreading the conversation, big *gulp*). See the chronicle in the “Actions” section below.
This was a pretty boring week in terms of things to do. In fact, I didn’t really do much at all. I just went home and watched TV. Since I had been putting in early mornings at the hospital, I had come home totally BEAT. I took more naps than I care to admit. I did, though, get a chance to cook a little more (check out the recipes here). Because of that, I didn’t get to the gym 🙁 So I feel myself getting out of shape, and I didn’t get to measure my weight. Oh well, maybe next week?
This week was both exciting and a little blah. I sent a picture of myself to my family, and the consensus is that my belly looks really big for how far along I am. Some chuck it to it being a girl (girls, according to the old wives’ tale, make you fat during pregnancy) and some others say it’s just a big baby (my husband, standing tall at 5’11”, is the shortest of his brothers). So who knows. Baby Center says that the top of my uterus should be half way between my belly button and my pubic bone. Here’s a tip: if you have an orgasm, your uterus contracts (hardens) for about an hour, an hour and a half. So it’s a lot easier to feel where the uterus begins and ends just by feeling your belly with your hand. My uterus appears to be right at my belly button. Maybe it’s happening like that because I have a small frame, so the normal measurements are not applying to me exactly.
This week I had two pre-natal appointments: one with the Newton-Wellesley Hospital midwives, and one with the Cambridge Birthing Center midwives; however, after going to the former, I decided to cancel the latter. Read about our experience below, under Actions. At the pre-natal appointment we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat! It was fast and strong, and made me feel so proud of my little resident. It’s there! It’s really in there!
My husband left me this week. Not for good, just for a week. Still hurts, though.
Tons of things happened this week… let’s get organized here:
My parents were here all week. Visiting parents always seems like a nice enough idea in theory, doesn’t it?… to my credit, it took a whole WEEK before we had a blow up argument. That’s gotta be worth something, right? At least it’s worth the lesson that: 1 week is the visit limit! Anyways, in short: my father had no interest in understanding what this whole hippy-granola natural-birth situation was all about, and he did all he could to provoke me and try to get me to trip over the information I was giving him. They say I was getting defensive, but I tell you: how can you be the one to be labeled as “defensive” when someone else is coming at you on the “offensive”??? It is not paranoia if someone is ACTUALLY out to get you! (Deep breaths) I did apologize for totally overreacting in the end… but we’ve pretty much determined that my father’s presence might be a detriment to the process… so he’s been encouraged to come visit after the baby is born (as opposed to coming before the due date like my mother plans to do). I feel good about that. To all natural-birthers out there: check non-believers at the door. You’ll need all the support you can get, and stress is the last thing you’ll need around on labor day.
Week 21 started out with allergies allergies allergies. I called my insurance company’s nurse, and she said I was only allowed to spray saline in my nose. Then I called my midwife on call and she said that Claritin was fine (normal dosage, daily until symptoms subside – notice this is NOT the same as Claritin D which you should stay away from!!!), and Benadryl was good (but makes you drowsy, so only take it at night IF NEEDED, instead of Claritin). She also said to stay away from Sudafed… and if it’s absolutely necessary, use it very sparingly (one dosage, period). Anyways, took a Claritin for a couple of days (one pill per day) and I feel much better. Other than that, I’ve just been battling constipation. You are probably sick of hearing about this crap (hah — or lack thereof!), but I guess it’s become one of those things that has DEFINED this pregnancy. I have been drinking 5 bottles of water at work (between 7 and 5) since I don’t drink much water once I get home, and also take Colace whenever it gets really bad. Anyways, other than that, the belly has been growing and kicking up a storm. I love feeling it in there! I’m certainly going to miss my little alien companion when he comes out.
Week 22 started with a BANG. First of all, I quit eating cheese altogether in hopes that will help my constipation issue. By Saturday, I had a great urge to go to the bathroom, but nothing was coming out. After an embarrassingly long time, and a really painful process, I was able to release what I think has been clogging my whole system from the start. It’s as if I had swallowed a plug that was slowing everything down, and I finally let it out. Of course, rectal bleeding ensued. I really hope that was the worst of it, and we are able to just get along from now on. Still, cheese is out of my life for a little while.
There wasn’t much action this week in terms of feelings or pregnancy issues, except for my husband running away from my loud snoring! He ended up buying one of those sleep headphones that play anything you plug them into during the night. It seems to be helping, but he says my snoring is so loud that now instead of not being able to sleep, he’s just going deaf with the waterfall AND my snores!
Babycove has officially passed the 24-week mark, where he is most likely to survive outside the womb! Also, I am officially 6 months pregnant. Milestooone! 🙂
Not much has happened this week. Babycove continues to kick up a storm and I’ve become increasingly aware of the strength it’s gathering every day. I’ve noticed he doesn’t like it (aka shifts around a lot) when I recline or lay on my back, which is good because I’m not supposed to be doing those things anyway!
Found out we are expecting! Took a home pregnancy test (ClearBlue digital) for the first time on day 12 after conception (two days before my supposed period), and it came out positive. Confirmed with about 5 or 6 more home tests from different brands over the following few days (the digital tests were definitive, but the chemical “analog” tests showed only a faint positive line). Subsequently, I had to put up with a lot of ugly looks as I told my family and close friends that we are pregnant when I hadn’t even officially missed my period yet! They all had that “wait until 3 months” warning for me… except for my mother, who was so excited she wanted to shout it from the rooftops herself 🙂 I have to say that I wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret for any length of time, so talking about it right away felt right to me, and I am very happy I did. Saved me a lot of stress in the long run!
Started freaking out about the day of labor (I was TERRIFIED from all the horror stories), so I started educating myself about the stages of labor, and how to make it as painless as possible. Is it realistic to have a natural birth (no drugs)? Looked into advantages/disadvantages and the difference between an OB and a midwife. On an unrelated note, I’m still going through telling family and friends and getting those confused looks from people… so early? Yes, sorry, the news wants to get out!
Decided to go for natural birth. Why? Epidural makes the pushing stage longer and exhausts the mother, while natural births allow you to stay alert and have a rush of endorphins which help you manage the pains and makes you wide awake and alert immediately after delivery. Also, and most importantly, medical interventions tend to lead to more intervention (such as induction, episiotomy, c-sections, etc). Recovery time is also less time on a natural delivery. Click here to read more about advantages and disadvantages of epidural, by Baby Center. My neighbor Ethel is also going for natural delivery, sooooo support system: check! Time to start training for the big day! Will need to exercise and work on mental preparation and build up stamina to breathe through the contractions on “labor day” (hehe… labor day).
Concerned about the brownish spotting that had been going on for a week, I stopped by the OB department and had an ultrasound: strong heartbeat, definitely a baby! The ultrasound also found a cyst 2 inches in diameter in my left ovary. Yikes! They said it happens all the time and it might go down on its own. According to Wikipedia, cysts may cause some spotting… so maybe that’s where mine is coming from? This week I also got sick with a cold for several days and survived on tons of fruit juice. I felt like death by the end of the week, but kept going to work in the snow. Maybe that was a mistake.
My cold ended up being a BURNING sinus infection. Went to a walk-in clinic and they prescribed some antibiotics (amoxicillin) and Flonase, but my mother-in-law didn’t let me take the Flonase (which consists of steroids), especially if my nasal passages are clear (which they were). I eventually got better, after taking antibiotics for 10 days (three times a day). It took about week to feel 100% again. As for my state of mind, with all the sickness, snowstorms, and general disarray in my house, I felt I needed a little escape and indulged in some leisure reading.
According to Baby Center, my baby is now the size of a kidney bean. That means that my family has stopped calling it “the little lentil” (or in Spanish, “la lentejita”) to calling it “the little bean” (or in Spanish, “la caraotica”). It’s not going to end until Baby Center stops comparing my baby to cute little food names. I started out the week still taking antibiotics for my cold, and still feeling very down. At this point I’m just looking forward to the second trimester, when you’re supposed to feel great, eat anything you want, be full of energy, blah blah blah. Right now I just feel like crawling into a little ball and not get out of bed at all. I know there is a baby in my belly, but all I see is fat fat fat from all the eating I have been doing only to avoid feeling nauseous. When will that pregnancy excitement kick in?
Being pregnant is uncomfortable. There, I said it. I’m supposed to be saying this is the happiest time of my life and that I’m all giddy and happy about it… but I am suffering! I’m in deep abdominal discomfort (most of the time related to my last or my next meal), I can’t see a belly yet (only fat) so I got no baby to comfort me, and worst of all, I don’t have anyone around me to get my mind off the whole thing! I want to talk about it with someone who can cheer me up (not give me all their opinions and “advice”), but I don’t think any of my friends would relate, or they might say something I don’t want to hear. How can I talk about it and at the same time get out of my head? I’m living in birth and baby land. Wish there was a visible bump so I could at least talk and sing to my little resident.
This has been the week of self-awareness: I am heavier, I get tired more easily, I run out of breath more easily, and I am starting to freak out about how terribly out of shape I am. The rowing machine is now assembled, but I’m so often having stomach issues that I want to walk around, not sit down! So, I decided to go back to my old gym. I was mostly depressed all week (feeling down, not looking forward to anything, not enjoying my work), and I really think it had a lot to do with my self-image. I always thought it was ridiculous for pregnant women to complain about their weight (“how vain can they be?” I’d say “they are carrying a baby! of course they are going to gain weight!”)… and now I understand: my baby (plus birthing accessories) is supposed to weigh at MOST a pound right now, but I have already gained 7 lbs! That is NOT baby weight! It is lazy, sedentary, eat-a-lot, fat weight! THAT is why I feel lethargic. I haven’t been this heavy since I graduated college. I really hope working out will help trim that extra fat I’m consuming!
This week did not kick my ass as badly as the other weeks did. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have been drinking a lot of water, I have been snacking on healthy stuff (like fiber granola/oat bars), and the fact that I started doing some kind of physical exercise. Feeling alright. No more depression, and I’ve been cooking a few meals at home. The most interesting feeling lately has been that of utter fear for hunger spurts: they make me nauseous. And the most interesting thing that happened this week was that I got my first stranger-rubs-my-belly moment. Uhh, guys, how do I explain to you that the fat around my waist is just that… fat? No obvious bump yet… just fat.
This week we went to visit the MGH Maternity floor and we were pleasantly surprised to be comfortable with what we heard. They said they try to help you through a natural birth as much as possible, to the point of matching you up with a natural-birth supporting nurse. There is also a midwife who walks the floors and checks in on you (as opposed to the OB). They do let you eat and drink (I didn’t think they’d let you at a hospital!), and they let your family hang around and come in and out of the room. They also said that if your nurse is being difficult (suggesting intervention, etc), it is OK for you to request a different nurse. We felt good about it, so now we’ll move on to visiting other places and see how those feel.
I felt great this week, although I can’t say my eating habits were any good. We ate out a lot, and I switched cafeterias (the old one smelled) so I was having a hot meal for lunch, and then a hot meal for dinner. I also started having a snack at around 5pm if I wasn’t planning on having dinner soon… the fact that the snack happened to be a buttery grilled cheese sandwich, I’ll leave aside for others to judge. Anyways, the nausea is still there, but not as bad as before. I can go without eating for longer periods of time. I continue to drink a lot of water and make sure I hit the gym at least twice during the week.
Last Sunday my husband and I went out on a lunch date in the town. As it turns out, our town’s main diners close at 2pm on Sundays (whatever happend to breakfast all day?), so we just ended up at the local Friendly’s (we love Friendly’s). What my husband saw at the table behind us was quite disturbing: kids misbehaving, messing with their food, being nasty to one another; but that was not the disturbing part: it was that the parents were on their phones (texting/typing) the entire time.
I could use this post to rant about how women have no idea that their bodies are made for childbirth and how to use it, and how they blindly do whatever their OB tells them to do (sometimes to their peril), and how frustrating it is for ME to hear all that after all the research I have done on the topic. Instead, I want to just plant a seed of self-education (utilizing my own bias, of course! After all, this IS an opinion blog… MY opinion) 😉
Recently I was reminded of the expression that says that if you take everything away from a rich person and give it to a poor person, eventually the rich will be rich again and the poor will get poor again. If you’ve never heard it, the reasoning behind it is that the rich person will have the intellectual savvy and focus to make/save money again, while the poor person, never very apt at saving or money management, is likely to satisfy their every whim without thinking of the future, thus losing their fortune as easily as they got it.
Good morning! I thought I’d just send out good vibes to the world today by sharing a few things I’ve learned over the past few weeks:
I am having issues. “What else is new?” you may be wondering…
I have a whole bunch of books in my bookcase that I have never read. It’s like having my own private Barnes & Noble in my own house. It’s great. So one day I finally decided to pick up Memoirs of a Geisha, and it was a marvelous choice.
I was talking to my husband, Brian, last night. I told him I was feeling a little lost lately.
Last night, my family and I watched the movie The Blind Side (2009) together. I’ll cut to the chase: it was REALLY good. It’s one of those movies that pulls at your heart strings and provides an opportunity to be moved (aka cry) every five minutes. My husband got a kick out of my water works, but I have to say I’m still deeply touched by the entire experience.
I’ve been feeling a little blah with my life activities lately (or lack thereof). I’ve been taking care of low priorities at work while high priorities bore me to death. The worst part is that I’m starting to feel like working is just not worth the effort (now there’s something independent modern women love to hear other women say). The thoughts that cross my mind are that I wish I could just stay at home for a while so I can think of ways to make money that are more fulfilling than my current job. But then I remember one small detail: in order to succeed at one thing, you have to go all in. You can’t just go in half-assed and just hope it all works out. It takes a lot of time away from family, and a lot of man power to make anything work. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment (clearly). Also, one should never just work for the money… crap. There goes that motivation.
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