I was talking to Enrique Montoya recently, and I made a confession which I’m still utterly embarrassed to admit out loud. I told him that my 29th birthday is coming up (that’s not the confession), and that I did not want to organize a party with friends (that’s not it either). This is it: the reason was that I did not think I could handle receiving 43 rejections all at once for my own birthday.
I have a long and sad history with rejection, going back to my childhood years. Fear of rejection is just one of those traumas that lingered. I do try to be aware of it so it doesn’t control my feelings in every situation in my life, but there are times when I find myself actively expecting my friends to decline my invitations to hang out because I’m just not cool enough.
This is a sad and dysfunctional part of my psyche, and it’s the raw nerve of my insecurities. For some people it may be their weight, other physical appearance, romantic life, or even professional inadequacies, but for me it’s the simple act of hearing “No” that sets me off.
As a disclaimer to my friends out there, it’s OK to say No. It’s unavoidable a lot of the time I am a thinking adult, and I understand that. Period.
So anyways, Enrique suggested an innovative approach that made me laugh. It’s called a Friends Refresh party 🙂 As its name suggests, it’s a party where you weed out the not-worthwhile relationships in your life. This is what the invitation would read, more or less:
You are cordially invited to ina’s 29th birthday party!
Please follow these guidelines to RSVP:
1) If you are able to attend, please send back a message with a lot of exclamation points and smiley faces with your RSVP
2) If you are not sure if you can make it, do not reply until you are sure one way or the other, up to 4 days before the event. If it is a Yes, please follow the instructions on step 1, else, move on to point 3
3) If you are unable to attend, please wait until 4 days before the event and check your calendar again. If the answer is Yes, please follow the instructions on step 1, else, move on to point 4
4) If you are POSITIVE you will not be able to attend, then screw you and never call me again.
I know as well as you that my issues are inside my head, but it was fun to put the blame on others for even a few minutes and have a laugh about the whole thing 🙂 Good times.
Long Live Social Natural Selection.
ina