I’m not doing so hot these past couple of days.
Truth of the matter is that I am done with work, but I still have 2 more weeks to put in. I am exhausted, I’m drained, I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home, with my mother, having cream of squash and vegetables, going for walks and just resting.
You see, on Wednesday I attended an open house that my midwives threw for her past and current clients. 6 families showed up (a mix of women and their husbands or mothers). I was the only current client (the only pregnant one) there. So I got to pick everybody’s brains about their experience with home births and socialize. They were all around my age, and it was so lovely to talk to women who were going through the same thing I was and who were of the same mindset.
Then, the next day, it started to hit me. All those looks and I-better-keep-my-mouth-shut-on-this-one attitudes I have been getting from my babyless friends. God knows they are trying to be supportive, but I can tell I just bore them with baby talk. Instead of hanging onto that great feeling of being understood, I started wondering why my other friends were being so close-minded.
At the same time, I’m the first to admit that I don’t want to hear people talk about their kids. So this should come as no surprise. Maybe it’s not so much that they don’t want to hear me talk about my kids, but I guess I’m starting to realize that I really need people in my life to talk to about these things. So last night I went on Meetup.com and started looking for mommy groups. Unfortunately, there are no home birth mommy groups near my area… and the mommy groups I found seem to be for older women. There is one that has a lot of potential in Canton. I’d love to keep my finger on the pulse of that one and join them at some point.
The most disappointing thing of all (like I haven’t said enough already) is that I only have 3 months of maternity leave, and then I have to go back to working 8-5 🙁 We simply cannot afford for me to work less, and I know I would go crazy being at home alone all the time. What I would definitely do is use my earned time wisely: plan it around a particular mommy event, or baby date, etc. That would be great use of our time together (me and the baby, that is).
I’m just feeling a little crestfallen about friends and support and being so tired and having to come to work… I just want to go home and relax. I want to see my mommy 🙁
I’m here at my desk. Not doing any work at all… all morning. Drinking my own weight in water to calm down Braxton Hicks contractions, and eating nuts like it’s nobody’s business for the magnesium, which also calm them down. But then I also have to empty my bladder every half hour or so, and it’s just a drag to walk all the way to the bathroom when my belly is putting so much pressure on it.
Anyways, if I were to stop complaining, I would be rejoicing about the fact that I am at 38 weeks. Way past the full term date, and ready to welcome our little fella any day 🙂 well, that’s provided that we actually get to pick up our birth tub. Imagine if the baby wants to be born during the hurricane and the midwives can’t make it? I guess we’ll be Norwood Hospital bound.
In the meantime, I sit here… not doing any work at all… making sure I’m drinking water, eating nuts and going to the bathroom whenever I feel the urge. Sigh… I want to be home 🙁
ina