This post is about my being sick and tired of people around me preferring to be victims over standing up for themselves.
My husband, Brian, didn’t get any sleep last night. I am partially to blame for allegedly snoring at key points in the night when he was about to fall asleep. The other part of the blame falls on his own sleep issues (insomnia, inability to stay in R.E.M. state for more than 5 seconds at a time, etc). When he woke up at 6am, he got ready for work, had breakfast (all in complete zombie-mode), and proceeded to get ahead of me walking the 10min to the train stop… In the rain… Without an umbrella.
When I caught up with him at the station the rain was falling on him like in a dramatic scene in a movie. His hair was dripping water on his jacket, and the jacket on his pants. I rushed up to him and asked him why he didn’t ask me for an umbrella. He said he didn’t have one / it wasn’t raining when he left the house. Both excuses. I put my umbrella on him. When we got on the train, I asked him to give me his jacket, so I could go shake off the water since his pants were going to get wetter and wetter as the water dripped down his back and onto the seat. He refused.
I can appreciate that he had zero sleep last night, but why does he have to go and feel sorry for himself and not take care of little things that might make his day go a little easier? For example, asking where our umbrellas are?! That is what I mean by victimization: taking the “poor me, woe is me” stance.
I can think of more and more people I know who could use a good shake-up. You feel like pushing away your friends because you think you don’t deserve them? WAKE UP and cherish the friends you DO have! You feel sorry for yourself cuz you can’t afford nice things? HOW ABOUT SAVING A FEW BUCKS AND GETTING YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER? And my personal favorite (directed at myself), you think everyone hates you so you spend days and days obsessing about particular events that serve as evidence to your claim? BOO HOO, SNAP OUT OF IT. NOBODY THINKS ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.
Victimization is not a pretty thing. In fact, it’s illogical and pathetic. I turn myself into a victim when I want coddling and I want someone to tell me it’s going to be ok. But that would not be as effective at fixing the issue as our standing up for ourselves and taking action. Sometimes it’s as easy as grabbing an umbrella on the way out the door. Other times it’s harder, but still actionable, like making a conscious effort to save up for a rainy day. Other times it takes being able to let things go (plus a loooooot of therapy).
It’s too easy being a victim, but it gets us nowhere fast. Here’s wishing you (and me) an action-filled day. No more excuses, no more whining.
ina