I started out the day convinced that I knew what I wanted to do. I would take advantage of my boss’s offer and work part-time from home. And then…
Spoke to a dear friend, a family member and a complete stranger, and they all had the same advice: if you have the opportunity to take a break from work to pursue your dream career, take it.
That certainly puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
I have been asked to draft a Pros and Cons list of quitting for a year. Here is my attempt at putting everything on the table.
Pros
I get the opportunity to work on my business ideas. Self-fulfillment!
I get to raise my kid
I get time at home to tackle long-ignored house projects (perfectly organized basement anyone?)
Potential to make more money by focusing on my business ideas, and perhaps not have to go back to work at all
Full schedule flexibility
Cons
Think it was hard to go back after 4 months? It will be 3x harder to go back after 12.
I lose out on the stock options at my job
No income means watching our expenses and being frugal
Feeling like I gave up and I’m taking the “easy” way out. Feeling lazy. Like a failure.
I have been back at work for 3 days. Last two from home. My boss has told me they are open to me working from home and also part-time. Sounds like a good deal.
The problems: my brain is mush. I am having trouble concentrating and mustering the stamina to even ask the right questions. Also, nothing at my job seems remotely important in comparison to taking care of my family. And to top it all off, my family (particularly on my husband’s side, including the husband himself) wants me to stop working for a year, and “try again” later. Sounds like a mighty sexy idea right about now.
I called up my new therapist and asked to move up our appointment to tomorrow. To my surprise, we could make it work, so I’ll get to hash some things out there.
If I quit, I’m sure I could find a job later, but most likely it would not be part-time from home, and most lilely it will only be peripherally related to my field. Quitting also means less income, so which puts our international ttavel plans at risk in 2018.
Staying means giving it some time to become acclimated to the role, the new people, the job situation and takw full advantage of a part-time work from home arrangement at a place where I have several thousand shares in options to wait for.
Everything points to sticking it out.
But life is so short. And my baby won’t be this young forever.
I don’t have a clear opinion about going back to work yet, only a stream of consciousness:
I am having a hard time concentrating. I am sleep deprived and my usual 120% is nowhere to be found.
I will try to perform this job to the best of my ability, even if it is 5mph, but I must reassess later if my best is good enough.
I am having a hard time mustering excitement or interest in the subject matter, especially considering that my top priority is still my new child. Nothing seems to compare in terms of importance and time and effort worthiness.
Husband says I should stay home for a year. I do not want to make a rushed decision without giving the job a chance. This means approximately a month, but a bare minimum of 2 weeks of truly getting my bearings.
It says you can figure out your life purpose by answering these questions:
Who am I?
What do I do? (Something you love doing that you feel extremely qualified to teach others)
Who do I do it for?
What do they need or want?
How do they change as a result of my contribution?
The speaker had the audience answer these questions on the fly, but I had a hard time answering even #2. I LOVE learning new things (my MCAT book is buried in a box somewhere in my basement), but I am extremely qualified to teach People-centric project management techniques. Do I love PM? Yes, I do. But somehow it feels unsatisfying to admit that to myself because it is not something that serves ME. It’s something I do foe other people. The speaker said that’s exactly the point of happiness: having an external locus of satisfaction.
I uninstalled Candy Crush and installed Duolingo instead. I am excited by the prospect of leaening French in mini spurts.
I am ready to start the year. Actually, my year will start on January 3rd, after I get back from out of state. Everything I do, every action I take will be important and have some purpose. Let’s do this.
ina
PS: I am uninstalling Candy Crush as soon as I post this. 🤘
I want to prove something. I want to shape my life around my needs, rather than push my needs aside because my life structure dictates so.
By the end of 2018 I would like to:
Work smarter, not harder
Feel like I am definitely an important positive part of my children’s life experience
Feel like myself again, physically
Keep my marriage at the top of the priority list
Keep a healthy perspective on the dramas in life
Be part of a local entrepreneurial community
It’s day 1. Blank slate. Time to start.
ina
Today…
In the news: Donald Trump tweets about Global Warming being fake because it’s cold outside in the winter time. Stupid.
Celebritues we are all talking about: Prince Harry & Meghan Markle (latter is divorced!), and Kevin Spacey (movie All the Money in the World reshot his scenes with Christopher Plummer. Wow.
My personal drama: relatives saying not-so-nice things about gay people, and me standing up to them even in front of guests. Oy. Also, sister mad because I think it’s stupid to get emotional at midnight on Jan 1st.
I don’t know. I don’t want to be here right now. Maybe it’s the fact he wouldn’t help me carry the waters. Maybe it’s the fact that mami wants to use uber for someone else and I don’t have the answer. Maybe it’s the fact that my computer keeps crapping out and I don’t have any good options and I feel helpless because I don’t know what I’m looking at when you try to build a computer. Maybe it’s the fact that we keep getting called into the Principal’s office with John. Maybe it’s the fact that the culture in this company is getting militarized. Maybe it’s the fact that Gregory’s ears were hurting him. Maybe it’s that stupid article saying that I can’t have it all. Maybe it’s the fact that Steve was in a good mood and wanted to talk to me for the first time ever and I couldn’t do it.
I should feel happy that I caught up on all the nutshell work. I should be happy that PIF is going so well and helping the business folks. I should be happy that I have mostly kept my weight in check. I should be happy that Gregory is such a good boy and loves everything so much. I should be happy that Daniel is coming next week and spending time with us. I should be happy.
I wish I could go to the bathroom.
I wish food made everything better.
I wish I weren’t so damn sensitive to everything.
I’m not really mad or anything… I’m just not hyper happy. Mostly I’m mad about the water thing.
Ok. Now I’m just hungry.
I don’t know how much longer that is going to last…
What should I do when I get back to my desk? Reports time? 1.8 beefing?
Maybe I could listen to his talk and still charge it back? I don’t know. Let’s look at the Communications tab.
STOP EATING. FIND A DIFFERENT OBSESSION.
I want to go home, get under a blanket, get a big TV in our bedroom, and watch politics all night.
I’m at a cafe on a Saturday night. Husband insisted I left the house and created a plan. He says that I get depressed when I don’t have a plan, and it’s good for nobody. So here I am. Trying to come up with a plan.
The problem is that I feel like I was here last year. I created a plan. I did not follow through with it, so I felt like I come up with plans but the just drop them. It’s very discouraging for my Type A self when my Type B self wins out.
The problem is that I need inspiration. It usually comes pouring out of me when I come up with an idea or I listen to an audio book, or watch an inspirational movie. It usually comes from the outside. There are times I have listend to someone speak, and I can’t handle how much it is inspiring me to just get up off my butt and DO SOMETHING.
My problem is not having role models or a community with which to make these plans. If I am a podcaster, I really need podcaster friends. If I want to own my town in terms of small business websites, I need to get out there and meet people. I don’t have time to meet people.
Sigh.
Anyways. What do I want to do this year? I have a few goals that are at the top of the list.
I’m scared. I’m dead afraid of ending up not having anything to show for it. I need to have a way to track my accomplishments and reward myself for them. I would love for my projects to make money. That would be nice.
How can I do that? A Trello board won’t do. It’s not visible enough. I’ve played with the idea of having a spot on the third floor where I can have a whiteboard and corkboard to hang things from that encourage and inspire me. But I never go up there.
Suppose I do that, and I have a great accomplishment for each month that passes by. Am I going to end up feeling the way I feel right now? Like a whole year passed, and things happened, and I’m in the same spot as I was before? What do I want? What do I need? I want something to change. I need something to be different at the end of the year. Is it a higher income? Is that what I’m after? Because if that’s the case, all I have to do is wait for my year end bonus. It’s not a goal.
Maybe we can have one goal, and the rest is gravy. One focused goal. Just one:
Create an additional source of income
Is that it? There are several ways to do this. Everything else will be gravy. I’ll be doing it for fun or as a hobbie.
There are different ways to do this. Capitalize on the upcoming election to have an elections-focused podcast? Get into the political scene in my town? Interview those people? I don’t know.
I have ideas for 2 more podcasts, but editing them takes so much time. I really don’t think I should devote the time to podcasts until I have finished the restaurant website. Maybe I should block out Saturday afternoons to just work on the Samba site. Or maybe I should realize there isn’t that much to do and buckle down and do it at 8pm when the baby goes down.
Anyways, none of this is a new source of income.
Selling things online?…. Providing a service online?…. MAKING AN APP!!! I almost forgot about that!
I also have a skill for making little movies… I wonder if I could get into the wedding market. It would probably be comparable to a website, though. How much are wedding videos? (quick search revealed they are between $2K and $5K. That includes camarographer fees, though. I don’t know if it’s worth it. I can make that kind of money sticking to what I already know, and get support $ afterwards.
OK. Let’s reserve some time to finish the restaurant site, and then we’ll move onto making the app. I have 2 ideas for apps. One which would help me ramp up with the technology, and another one which would help me with my goals.
I’m getting cold and tired.
I’m also going to need help capitalizing on my skills and talents. Need to figure out what those are and see what I can do to put them out there. Seems like making websites is a no-brainer. Maybe I should put out mailers and see if I can get new clients, and just keep that going.
I’d also like to do something new. Podcast and Website has been done before. App will be new. What else would be new? What about those places where you go bounce on trampolines to work out? I don’t know. We already have a treadmill and I hate working out.
Always look for an unquestioned habit. What is something that I already do and like doing, but don’t think about the monetization part of it? Well, I have spoken about my home birth experience and people seem to like it. I have thought about writing an article about it, but I’m not really “all in.” I’d love to write a book, but again, it’s not something I already do and like to do.
I enjoy traveling to new places. Maybe we could make it a point to travel more this year? See new places around our own area? We never go camping or hiking or anything like that. I think we should. There are so many beautiful places around us. We could go visit our friends in upstate New York and see the Finger Lakes or Lake George. We could go to Portland, ME. Go down to New York City just for the heck of it. We could do these things. Finally go to Provincetown, even if it’s just for the day. Or Martha’s Vineyard. Go to RI and visit family. We should do more of this. Ok. Consider it done.
Stay in touch with friends. See them more. Do at least one thing with friends a month.
OK, now we are talking…
Frequency
Feeling wanted at the end of the year
Action
Monthly
I’m in touch with my friends
Reach out, meet up
Weekly
I’m in touch with my family
Reach out, meet up or talk about how things are going
Weekly
I have a podcast audience
Post podcasts
Weekly
I have added a new source of income
Set time aside to work on mobile apps
Daily
I am in good standing with my websites
Finish the website I need to finish, stay on top of backups and communication.
Chunk of time, a few months
I have done everything I can about our business
Finish our sushi site
I think that once I’m done with restaurant and sushi sites it will be time to start getting more clients locally. I’ll reach out to my community and see what’s out there.
I think I got a good plan now. I have focus on finishing the sushi site so that I can get that off my plate and start working on sushi. Yeah! Let’s do it.
Now, how do I track these goals? I need to have a visible “progress bar” going on… Maybe I can look for ideas when I go to Barnes & Noble with sister tomorrow. See? Already cashing in those family contact points!
I think it’s time to go back home and give my husband the great news that I won’t be depressed for a little while!!!
It’s 3:09am. I have been up since around 2:00am. The main reason I woke up is because my little baby dude has the croup and we are on chicken pox watch. Also, it is the first hot night of the year, and I’ve been worried that the temperature in his room may drop at any second and he may be left feeling too cold, which might worsen his condition. At 2:30 am I finally heard his barky cough. I ran to his side. He didn’t seem fazed by it, just went right back down to sleep, which made me think I should probably just do the same. Been awake ever since.
Then the stream of consciousness started: why did my friend push the ‘Delete Account’ button on our friendship after it looked as though I was going to be unable to make the Louie show we were going to attend together? (which, by the way, I ended up giving up my ticket for way too prematurely, as I *would have* been able to make it after all). She just chose that moment to stop the friendship. I guess if the relationship was so fragile then if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else soon after. Not a loss I should mourn, but I thought about it tonight because my husband reminded me of it randomly tonight. After that, I picked up my phone and started downloading Stitcher episodes. After that I started thinking about the audiobook of Mark Cuban’s “Winning at the Sport of Business” book (a compilation of his best blogs), and how it’s making me feel like I’m wasting time just by lying there and sleeping. Then I started thinking about the Start Up podcast, and how I could totally be recording the early stages of my business (Ina Nutshell, LLC) on my Ina Nutshell Podcast, and how right now I just have $10 in my business bank account. I could be cronickling my baby’s cough, and how powerful it would be to record a podcast whispering because it’s the middle of the night and I should be sleeping, but I can’t seem to be able to turn my brain off. Also, on a possibly related note, I have allergies which are being super annoying and not letting me shut an eye.
So, I stopped resisting and came downstairs to blog. Because that’s what I do. Write stuff down. Maybe if I can empty my brain, or plan my week, or whatever, I will be able to go back to sleep for another couple of hours. I have a client meeting at 11am, and I’m afraid I will look like death after all the allergy-induced eye-rubbing I’ve been doing tonight, plus the fact I only got 4 hours of sleep and the previous nights were not any better.
OK, brain dump time:
Ended friendship because of Louis CK. Write a funny blog post about it? Maybe when I’m rich and famous (cuz you know that’s inevitably in my near future, right?) I will get to tell this story to Louis CK himself, and tell him how he cost me a friendship. Maybe he’ll find it hilarious. Maybe I’m underestimating how much older than me he is, and how when I’m R&F he’ll be like 80 years old and not lucid enough to even care. (I googled the age difference, he’s 13 years 7 months 18 days older than I am)
That new girl in Sillicon Valley is kind of cool. Reminds me of who I thought I wanted to be in college. Having hacking weekends sounds like a blast: a weekend where you just eat, drink, code and go to the bathroom (not necessarily in that order).
I wish I could spend more time writing mobile apps. Right now I’m in the requirements gathering phase of the app, which I know is a SUPER necessary step (I’m a project manager, so duh), but I really wish I could just START. It would not be very efficient or focused, though, and it would not guarantee at all that I would be able to launch a product in any given point in time in the future… so yeah, I really need to get my MVP (minimum viable product) straight.
I gave my podcast episode to a client of mine, and she said she would listen. I wish I could forget whether I did that or not so that I wouldn’t be expecting a response. Can’t stop thinking of that song I composed for my husband during that episode.
Wish I could just go to sleep.
I have 2 websites I should be working on right now, and I am doing it so late at night that my efficiency is through the floor. I have to start getting up early and doing it before I go to work, or take some time off work to do it. Or take some time some weekend to HACK IT and get it done.
I feel guilty about leaving my husbad to take care of our baby alone. I know he can do it. I know he doesn’t resent me when he has to. But I still feel like an absentee mother who should be prioritizing spending time with her 3.5 year old than doing some silly websites.
My patient clients would not appreciate my calling their websites “silly”
I’m hungry.
My eyes hurt from all the scratching. I wish the hurt could help me get some shut-eye.
Should I plan my week?
I am tired. I don’t think I should be doing any more work tonight.
I’m afraid of going to sleep because I may be staring at the ceiling for a while.
I’m afraid of having too many pick-up-and-put-down projects and I’ll never finish anything.
Yesterday was mother’s day, and I feel loved by my family. I’m thankful for my mom and my husband and baby. I have a beautiful family support structure.
I don’t know what I should be doing with this awakeness right now. Do websites? Jump into work-work? Watch TV? What does my body need?
My husband and I hosted our family for mother’s day, and he took care of the cleanup 100%. I really appreciated that. He wanted to do it. (“Why would I WANT to do the dishes??”)
It is almost 4am. Should I just stay awake? I feel more awake now than I was when I started writing this.
I just called in “baby” sick at work. Haven’t had much sleep all weekend, and baby is on chicken pox watch after his croup and fever last night. Better to stay.
I’m hungry.
Now that I’m staying home, I can think more long-term about today. I can always go back to bed later.
I just looked up how much to charge for website ad space. Will need this for girlPOWERcode.
I really want to start the powercode videos, but what is stopping me is the money because I haven’t created the set or bought the materials to make the t-shirts. At the same time, I know these are excuses. I could be starting a lot sooner in planning and setting up lessons. I also know I want to get my app up and running in the store so I can start talking about that, but I have a million other topics to discuss, so this is not really a requirement either. Gotta get on that.
It is 4:11am.
I don’t think I’ll be going to bed. Might as well get some work done. Let’s do that.
Woke up at 4:03 am. Didn’t even want to stay in bed (that’s very different for me), so I came downstairs, started the dishwasher, attempted to make hot cocoa from a Hershey’s 100% cocoa box I bought yesterday (#fail), and now I’m writing this tiny blog.
I don’t want to spend too much time on the computer right now, I just want to PLAN. I was listening to a very good podcast by the guys from Cracked.com titled Why your brain is sabotaging you again, and it is possibly the most inspirational podcast I have ever listened to. It really gets you off your bum because it makes you face the reality that you probably spend your time doing EXACTLY what you want to do, and carving out time to do other things is REALLY HARD. It also sheds light on the fact that your dreams for your own future lay on what you do about it TODAY. A recent college grad would laugh in your face if you asked them what their retirement plan was, and an aspiring writer would come up with a million excuses why they can’t get any writing today or this week or this month even though all it takes is a page a day. It’s really remarkable logic and it makes you want to challenge it.
I just spent the past half an hour reading articles on Cracked while I was trying to find the link to the episode I just referenced. Not a great way to start this roll of newfound time to do things for my future… but hey, you gotta start somewhere. So I’m going to stop writing this silly post, and just say it: LISTEN TO THAT PODCAST. It will be much better than anything I write here for you, and it will give me my time back so I can get to my future evil plans 🙂
Enjoy your Thursday everyone. Maybe I should go make some breakfast. I’m so hungry.
It is midnight on Friday night. I have had a lovely calm, quiet and relaxing evening. I put my baby down at 6:50pm, and all I’ve done since then is: make my own dinner, play FreeCiv on my baby’s tablet, and watch old episodes of Entourage. At the same time, I’m feeling a bit conflicted. I am on the Atkins diet which has actually been working great for the past 3 weeks. I have lost 5 pounds and I do feel like I am eating healthier than I have in the past 2 years. However, I’m going to tell you what I miss: snacking. I miss going to the fridge or the cupboard and grabbing whatever is there and eating a lot of it.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving, so technically it was a cheat day (who’s on a diet on Thanksgiving, are you kidding me?). I had resolved to take it in stride: don’t overeat like you normally would, just have a little bit of everything and that’s it. Well, I wish I could say I had had better self control. I went completely overboard. By the time dinner was served I was already stuffed: crackers, dip, cheese, crab cakes, I mean, the works. When I finished dinner I literally had to excuse myself from the table to go sit on the couch. I thought I was going to throw up. Did that stop me from having dessert? No way, José. I had a piece of everything for dessert: a brownie, a chocolate-pecan-caramel bar, a slice of chocolate cake à la mode, and something else I’m sure. I overdid it in the worst possible way.
So today I’m feeling guilty. Did I just set myself back several weeks’ worth of effort? Most importantly, what is wrong with me and eating? Why can’t I stop thinking about food?
This whole introspection at midnight after a holiday makes me wish I were a drinker: I feel like I’d be able to handle these existential questions much better if I were drunk right now. At the very least it would make for one hilarious blog post.
I think I’m gonna go get myself some strawberries tomorrow and perhaps make a strawberry-pecan Atkins-friendly cupcake or something. I can’t stop thinking about food, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Ugh. Oh well, at least there’s always sugar-free jello (the secret awesome Atkins-acceptable dessert).
Once upon a time, back when blogs were used as personal diaries rather than news articles, I used to have a uJournal account. Nobody knew I had it, so there was no pressure to please or worries about what people would think. Some other ujournalers would stumble upon it serendipitously and write comments on posts, and I made some new friends. It was a safe space. I would blog daily, sometimes multiple times a day. Truth is… I miss it.
Every moment of the day I think of things to blog about. I want to talk, share, say everything that is on my mind ALL THE TIME. Some people use Facebook for that, some people use Twitter… and I used to be one of them. After I closed down my uJournal account I turned to Facebook to post everything I could think of. But then I got shy. I started looking in and came to the conclusion that my need to share did not have to equal airing my dirty laundry to 700 of my acquaintances on a minute-by-minute basis. So I deleted it all. The entire Facebook history. Gone. Not an easy feat considering Facebook does not have a “Delete History” button. It took me weeks to delete every single timeline item one by one.
So where does that leave us? An urgent need to share, but a strong desire for not spamming people who could care less.
Well, there’s always my good home at inacove.com. This is my forum. If you are not interested in reading, don’t come here. If you don’t want to get updates, don’t subscribe. If you do want to know what’s going on, you know where to find me.
A couple of months ago I posted this status on Facebook:
Answers to an important question
All great answers… now, I really wanted to hear from guys who have waited 10 years before proposing, and the only reason they eventually did was by an ultimatum by their partners. I also wanted to hear from guts who did propose, and what was the trigger that led them to do so. I wish I could say this post will shed light on the matter, but I’m afraid I come bearing more questions instead.
The reason I put this out ther is because I have seen this scenario play out more than once before my very eyes, and it has happened to me personally. Girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, girl imagines a future together and then… nothing. Conversations about marriage are pushed aside (craftily) and the subject put off for years and years. In every instance the girl has concocted a “mutual agreement” narrative that is conveniently at hand in case any of her friends or family asked about it, but, if she’s honest with herself she knows in her heart it’s not how she would like things to be.
Here’s an aside for all people out there already thinking “not all women want to get married” or “what makes you think it’s the guy avoiding the topic and not the girl?” or my favorite “it’s the 21st century!”. If you identify with any of these thoughts, I applaud your independence and I do not deny these are all true scenarios, but you might want to turn around and Google a post titled “I don’t care if he doesn’t want to marry me” and read that one instead, for this one in particular is not about you.
Let me tell you about the women I am speaking of. I’ll use myself as the first example, as Shakira wisely said “when you have to speak about two people, it’s always best to start with yourself.” Yes I just quoted (translated) a Shakira song lyric, so sue me (on second thought, please don’t).
The year was 2002. I had just broken up with my latest boyfriend, and decided to stay single for a whole semester. I went on dates, I hung out with guy friends, I flirted, and was doing OK, until I met him. He was polite, he was shy, he blushed when I smiled at him, he was funny (in a surprising way), and he never asked me out. A cute, funny, smart guy who likes my company but does not want to rush things? I was hooked.
He never did ask me out, so we just let our friendship grow until our attraction to each other got the best of us and one day we were magically officially dating. Can you go out with a girl but never have to go through the awkwardness of asking her on a date? Sounds impossible, but this guy managed to sweep me off my feet without having to lift a single finger. A year and a half later I found myself echoing the words of my mother: “what are we waiting for?” I don’t remember his side of the conversation, but I remember feeling that he just wasn’t ready yet.
Another year passed. We almost broke up, but in a grand gesture he moved half way across the country to be with me. Another year passed, and now I was convinced I would get proposed to any minute. I would look forward to birthdays and arbitrary holidays, but they always ended the same way: no proposal, no sign of one, and a cloud of disappointment lurking above me. Another year passed. And another. My mother kept begging me to move on if he didn’t propose by the end of that year… every year. I started to think that perhaps our relationship was not really at “that” stage in his mind, and I started to feel very alone (and even a bit delusional).
I finally decided to make other plans. I enrolled on an MBA program part-time and proceeded to look for a place to live with roommates to save some money and live closer to the school. So far my boyfriend and I had enjoyed the perks of privacy that came with my having my own apartment (he was living at his parents’ at the time), so my decision to move in with strangers appeared to threaten the level of comfort we had become accustomed to, and he was going to have none of it.
He could not suggest we got our own place (we were both of the mind that we should move in together after we got married, and not a day before), but he also could not tell me stop looking (yeah, that would have gone over well… not). So what did he do? There was only one way out: ask me to marry him. He took me up a hot air balloon ride and proposed in the most romantic way, and I said yes. We have been together for 10 tears, married for 5, we have a 2 year old son who is the light of our lives, and we are still very much in love.
If I had left out the “how” it all happened, it would have been a story much more suited for a Kate Hudson/Matthew Maconaughey film. Here’s my storybook version of our story:
I had just broken up with my latest boyfriend, and decided to stay single […] until I met him. […] A cute, funny, smart guy who likes my company but does not want to rush things? I was hooked. […] We almost broke up, but in a grand gesture he moved half way across the country to be with me. Another year passed, and now I was convinced I would get proposed to any minute. […] One day he took me up a hot air balloon ride and proposed in the most romantic way, and I said yes. We have been married for 5 years, we have a 2 year old son who is the light of our lives, and we are still very much in love.
Wow, what a difference.
Other women have had different experiences. I know at least 2 women who gave their boyfriends ultimatums, and they obliged.
I know another couple where the girl wants to be with him forever, but he simply does not want to commit because of his own baggage from past marriages (despite this discrepancy in relationship expectations, they are still together).
I know more than one couple that were together for nearly 10 years before the guy proposed. In most of those cases the guy simply did not want to get married while he was still so young (from my informal research, looks like 27 is the sweet spot for reconsideration).
The theme appears to be that men need some kind of trigger. Love is not a trigger. Love is something you can feel for someone else for many years without ever having to change a thing. For some men, the trigger is age, for others it might be the ultimate choice between marriage and break-up, and for others (such as my husband’s) living arrangements that make more sense (this is the least romantic of all).
No guy will ever read this post. But if for some miracle they do, I’d love to hear their opinion on the matter. Or, ladies, feel free to share your husband/fiance’s take: what did prompt them to propose? What was it that did them in?
On the flip side, if you know why a guy did not or does not want to marry you, what was/is the reason?
Ever wonder “What are bullies thinking?” or “Are my childhood bullies sorry?”… then keep reading.
I traveled to my native Venezuela for Christmas to attend family weddings this year. Not having lived there for any amount of time during my adult life, I did not know anyone outside my immediate family and I could not drive (I had no idea how to get anywhere). So you can imagine how happy and grateful I felt that my little sister, Tina, welcomed me into her group of friends and dragged my butt all over town the entire week.
We definitely had fun and I felt accepted and welcomed. I was still trying to get used to the racial jokes and homophobic slurs, which my sister assured me meant nothing more than pure fun (no real racism or homophobia behind them). Having lived in Caracas before, I sort of understood, but it was still quite the culture shock from the political correctness to which I have become accustomed in the US.
One night we got together with her friends at someone’s house. It was a beautiful night, and we were gathered outside on the terrace with lawn chairs, beers, and animated atmosphere that only a group of young Venezuelans can create. I got introduced to everyone, and I sat quietly on a chair to watch. They pinned me as the quiet type (I don’t get that a lot), which I did not mind at all. My personality comes out when I’m comfortable, and I was still getting my sociocultural bearings.
Somehow the topic of bullying came up, but mostly as a joke and not the serious subject I believe so strongly it is. Most of the attendees had gone to school togetyher, so they all spoke of people they knew. Here are some of the things I heard them say (keep in mind this is a group of male 30 year olds):
Bullying did not exist more than 2 years ago. It’s something that came up just recently.
It’s one thing to be bullied, and another to be subdued by peers for being antisocial. (the implication being that one is not deserved, while the other one is, respectively)
We would all call this kid some nickname quietly when he was walking down the hall, and everyone else would join in, but he couldn’t tell where the noises where coming from. It was funny to see him turn back and forth to figure out where it was coming from. Everytime he heard that word he would freak out. {laughs}
I do feel remorse for some things I did, but there were other times that they were asking for a beating.
Nonono, that was not bullying, that was a regular/normal/ordinary beating.
Sometimes we would pull other guys’ pants down on the outdoors basketball court. It happened to me, too {laughs}. But remember that other guy? His balls were hanging in the wind! {laughs}
Dude, you can’t tell me they weren’t asking for it. Remember those two other guys? They would spend recess time upstais in the classroom STUDYING!!! What losers!
If I had sons, I would tell them to beat up whoever messes with them. That’s the only way to stop bullying. I don’t know what I would do if I had girls, it’s much more difficult there.
The thing is that all these things we did were so funny! I wasn’t doing any of it to hurt anyone, I just did it because it made me laugh! And it still does!
It’s obvious that any grown person knows that teasing other people is wrong. This is just kid stuff.
At first I sat quietly hoping they would get sick of the topic and move on, but by the third beating story (and laughter that ensued) I was done. I could not hear any more. I told my sister the smoke was making me sick (which was actually very true) and spent the rest of the evening backing up my photos on my phone in the living room while everyone kept on sharing stories and laughing outside.
You see, I WAS THAT KID that went to the library during recess because my life was so socially unbearable that I could not stand being around other kids in my class. I WAS THAT KID that as soon as the kids on my bus found out what my mother called me (little angel) they would all chant it and clap to a hideous tune. I WAS THAT KID who got voted to be queen of my class, only to be told (brutally) by my classmates that they did it out of pity and they had changed their minds, so voting would have to be done over. I WAS THAT KID who would be told that my crush wanted me to be his girlfriend (my crush was also in on the joke), and then just watched them all laugh at me when I believed it. I WAS THAT KID. You really don’t want me to keep going. I was scarred by these experiences, and my ability to trust and feel loved was damaged even in my adult relationships because of them. There is nothing funny about my childhood traumas at school among kids who thought and did all the items above.
I never told my sister the real reason I excused myself that night. I thought she would be upset that I isolated myself, but she wasn’t. I was glad about that. I did not want to make her feel bad, or let on that I was not having a good time with her friends after all her kindness and sincere attempts to make me feel welcome. If she’s reading this now, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t think you’d understand.
I always wondered if my personal bullies felt bad for what they did to me, but I always told myself these two things:
Kids don’t really know what bullying is when they are doing it, so they would never look back and regret. They did things because it was funny. They probably remember it as funny.
It doesn’t matter if they are sorry. I’m the one that has to forgive and move on with my life.
I should be glad that I was right on both counts, but I’m not. I guess I still had some faith in humanity. I hoped that the new bullying campaign would help them make the connection, but it sounds like they see bullying as something “new” that doesn’t apply to them. It’s really not their fault that they were truly unaware of the likely lasting negative effect they induced in other more sensitive kids’ psyches, but I hope it is still ok for me to reserve the right to not have to hear their stories.
For all of you out there who at one point or another bullied someone, and you are sorry, just know that we love you for it. It doesn’t take our pain and suffering away, but some level of justice or validation does go a long way. For those of you who still believe it was all fun and games, and the target was just not being a good sport, please keep your thoughts to yourself. You never know when you might be in the presence of someone who was really hurt in the past that you might be offending through your indifference.
Welcome to my BrainI’ve been wanting to do this for a very long time! What you see here is the main headline in my brain for each day that I remember to come and fill this out.
What is a headline?
You know when you first get in the shower in the morning and you are trying to remember what was it that was consuming your life the night before, and then it all comes rushing to you: that person is mad at me, I forgot to finish that thing for work, did I go to bed mad at him last night? Am I still mad at him? Anyways, whatever gives you the most inquietude is your Headline for the day. Hopefully your headline gets resolved as the day goes by and other things start to take priority, but I consider that first “shower moment” to be the main headline for the day.
The evening air smelled of rain and the building tops were invisible from the fog, that unusually warm night in December when I was beautiful.
The party crowd blended into one sea of unfamiliar faces. Each face an opportunity, an invitation, to be seen, admired, envied. Conversations with men were easy, effortless, almost unfair. Insecure women avoided eye contact and spent as little time talking to me as they strictly wanted to. The whole thing felt like an improvised anthropological study on human nature. Beautiful women vs everyone else.
The music played, and I gave myself permission to enjoy it. Men who had been beside me all night, gravitating towards me like moths to a flame, joined in the singing and dancing. Women too jealous to face me directly murmured and made up names behind my back (a certain moth made it a point to share with me the amusing observation). It was working. Beauty had charged its penalty, but it was of no consequence. Their response validated what I had known since the moment I walked into the room.
Neither the jealousy, nor the moths to the flame were the most surprising results of our study. It was the refreshing identification of strong women who are secure in their own identity. Women I would want to be friends with engqged me in interesting, worldly conversation. I wanted more time with them, I craved their attention. Intelligent women are a luxury, a breath of fresh air, an endless horizon. The concept of conventional beauty dissipated during those conversations, and they became beautiful to me.
At night, in the dim light of our bedroom, when the make up is gone and the dress is back on the hanger, all that is left is an old T-shirt, yoga pants, and a scrunchy. I am still the same person who lit up the room, but only a faint trace of her remains in the smile on my face, for tonight was proof that I was beautiful once.
I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed and I want to be done feeling sorry for myself. It’s time to write a cleansing blog post to get the ideas in order in my head.
Warning: despite the relative shortness of this post, it will be a BORING one. So you might want to spare yourself and use this time to google something that’s been on your mind instead, like “best quick chicken recipe” or “how can I donate to NPR when there are no fund drives going on” or “why does everybody hate LeBron James?” – I assure you these searches would be a much wiser use of your time.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so here it goes: Houston, I have a problem. My problem is that I don’t know what my problem is, so I continue to put my finger on the wrong single possible causes. I know it’s not just one thing, and it’s definitely not a single SIMPLE thing.
The second step is to make a list of the clutter in my head. Perhaps this list hides within it the key to my current state. The first person to accurately spot that one gem will get a big prize! (In the form of a “screw you! You don’t even know me! What’s on YOUR list??” Yeah, I know, kinda hostile… sigh… I’m sorry dude or dudette… if you’ve read this far it means you might actually care about this, so I should have saved the insults for the assholes that stopped reading at the warning to google “how do I know when I’m not being a caring person?”). So here’s the list:
I am bored at work
I want to make time to learn industry software programming languages
I want to keep writing my story
I am currently feeling rejected by someone I know. This one actually takes a lot more of my brain CPU than I care to admit.
I can’t seem to stop eating desserts
I just took a long vacation but still don’t feel rested (as an aside, I should plan a vacation where the only items on the itinerary are to clean the house and take Baby G out for play dates)
Every weekend through August has been booked, including two away trips
I am bored at work
I am hungry all the time and want to snack all the time
My sleep schedule is all out of whack
I’m conflicted about continuing to breastfeed due to the time and interruption involved in pumping multiple times throughout the day, despite its irreplaceable benefits to Baby G
I have ideas for summer projects but I’m not actively pursuing any of them
When I get home all I want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV until I fall asleep in my work clothes and make-up and unbrushed teeth, like a bum (thanks to my hubby for rescuing me and making me get ready for bed every time)
I want chocolate. Yes, right now.
I like my new haircut, but my mood prevents me from truly enjoying it (I think we got a winner!)
(Pause to get off at Back Bay station, home of the 2 Dunkin Donuts, to buy a coffee cake muffin with which I proceeded to stuff my face while enduring judgmental looks from some skinny b*tch across the aisle. What do you know about my pain, lady??? — ok, I can definitely hear the hostility now)
I have the feeling I should be looking for a new job or at least looking for more website jobs, but I’m too downtrotten to do it
Part of me is stressed out over talking to my boss about my job. Truth is that I feel she doesn’t give me challenging assignments because she doesn’t think I can do them. How to phrase that in a non-confrontational way escapes the range of my diplomatic abilities.
I’m bothered about the fact that I don’t have Carrie Underwood’s voice (ok, this one just might actually take the cake)
I haven’t confessed or been to church in so long that I don’t think they’ll let me back in #CatholicNoFlyList
Time appears to continue rolling by without making any stops for me to figure stuff out (is that happening to everyone out there too, or is it just me?)
I’m sure I’m just scratching the surface here… I’m too close to the project to even recognize any themes. English majors wanted for analysis.
Next step: create a schedule that includes time to veg, time to write, time to do web stuff and time to learn something new. Mmm… that’s too much.
Take two: designate certain weeks for certain activities. This week will be web week (finish pending jobs and documentation). Next week can be writing week. The following week can be something else week. Ay, just thinking about it is giving me an ulcer. I just want to rest, man. Just rest.
Take three: REST is the word. Give myself permission to leave my mini laptop at home and just do nothing. Rest my mind. For… two weeks? Ok! So July will be the month to get stuff done! I will give myself permission to just make dinner and hang out with Baby G and clean up for the rest of the month!
Believe it or not, that plan still gives me an ulcer. It doesn’t address ANY of my worries!
I hate to start blogging again on such a down note, but I guess that’s what makes me want to write in the first place… so you’ll just have to deal with it, I guess.
I just met with a financial planner. Let me first start by saying that HE sought ME out through LinkedIn and set up the meeting with ME. My husband and I got our stuff together when it comes to finances, so I didn’t think I needed any advice. I mostly agreed because he sounded nice on the phone, and because last time I met with a financial adviser I ended up tracking my income/expenses which started the whole financial-savvy that I enjoy today. So nothing bad could really come out of this. Right? Wrong.
We talked about a few things, where he said we’d be working to meet my goals. Then he asked me to rank my priorities from most important to least important to me. I started from the bottom (the ones that I care the least about) and worked my way up. He asked me why I didn’t care so much about death provisions or long term disability provisions. I told him because the risk was low, and because if one of us were to go away, the other would certainly be able to figure out how to live within their means. He looked at me skeptically, so I asked him what that look was for. He said that it is not true that we would be “alright” if one of us went away. I asked him why he thought that, and he said that a single parent on a single person’s salary would not be able to afford the house we have, and would certainly not be able to save for college as well as for retirement. I told him I disagreed: if we had to, we could certainly live below our means, move to a smaller house, keep saving for retirement, and continue to have my father save up for our son’s college. It’s a matter of knowing how to live within your means. He said that I had no idea what I was talking about. I started to get defensive.
He said that what he was hearing from me was that if I were not around anymore, I would not mind my husband and son living in a shack somewhere with no electricity or running water. To which I responded: “nah… they can have electricity.” I was kind of joking. Then he asked about the life insurance, and I again told him that we get it from work, and it’s not our main priority. At this point I’m starting to wonder why he’s focusing on the things I care least about, and not the things I care most about. I mean, I thought we were supposed to align our plan with our goals…
So he said that unless we understood that we needed a $1MM life insurance policy on each other, he didn’t think we would be a good fit to work together.
Um… come again?
He said that health was THE foundation to financial planning, and if we didn’t see that, then there was no point in continuing the discussion. He said it nicer, but I knew what he meant.
I told him: “So I’m basically going to go home to my husband and tell him that I scared you off” — to which he made a face that translated into “yeah, basically.”
So he said we should have a conversation on the phone with Brian and see where to go from here. I was so crestfallen at that point that I looked like I had just been broken up with. Really. It was heartbreaking.
He shook my hand and said goodbye, but he stayed sitting and took out his smartphone. So I stood up… and left…
It was the saddest scene you’ve ever seen.
So… do I need a $1MM life insurance? I don’t think so… I feel like it’s a morbid way to reassure your future, and it is unnecessary. It’s like you are placing a big bet on your significant other kicking the bucket. I do NOT want to benefit from something as horrible as that. I can’t even imagine. It’s just too morbid it doesn’t feel right.
There is a reason why the entire world looked down upon banks who hedged their portfolios by creating products that would succeed if the housing market fell. If you look at it objectively, it is a solid business call. But if you really look at it, the bank is benefiting from the loss that affected millions of people! That’s how life insurance feels to me. I have a basic life insurance that would help my husband navigate the awfulness of the situation and be able to support his lifestyle until he can figure things out. But $1MM? I’m sorry, but that is excessive, unnecessary, and a jinx.
This post is actually making me feel better. Maybe I don’t want to work with that guy after all. Set up a meeting with him or not? I guess I don’t care much for it. They are hound dogs, those financial people, aren’t they? Pff. Keep your judgment for someone who needs it, buddy.
The past few weeks have been a mixture of joyful moments (birthday, mother’s day) and low ones marked by a self-inflicted prolonged mini-depression. Self-inflicted in the fact that I *know* very well that eating excessive amounts of chocolate, muffins, donuts, coupled with an utter absence of exercise make my mood go all out of whack. As an update, I started exercising on Monday and eating small meals with snacks in between ONLY if I’m hungry. It has not helped my mood yet, but I’m optimistic I’ll feel better by the weekend.
As the title of this post indicates, I have TONS to say, but only a little of that I am willing or able to share. Mostly because it’s not all very interesting… but who am I to say what’s interesting to you or not? So here’s my brain dump. I’d be happy to elaborate on any topic upon request (of which I know I’ll get none). Heeeeere we go:
The Hunger Games is not as obsession-inviting a book as Twilight is
Credit: Daily Mail, UKThat woman who wrote the essay about other women hating her for being beautiful is getting all sorts of criticism MOSTLY geared at defining whether she is in fact beautiful or not. I think everyone is missing the point there. The point is that this is that woman’s experience, which is shared by other women. Nobody had ever told it from that point of view before and that is what makes it interesting. But what’s even more interesting is the world’s reaction to a woman speaking openly about her experiences as an attractive person. Whether you think she’s actually pretty or not is 100% irrelevant.
Lisa Lampanelli is a world class bully. Dayana Mendoza is smart, brave and extremely confident. Had she not been, Lisa would have torn her spirit to shreds, but Dayana is kind and above Lisa’s level by far.
Lena Dunham is my new girl crush, occupying the spot previously held by Tina Fey, who had debunked 3-year reigning queen Taylor Swift earlier this year.
Credit: Carolyn Cole, Los Angeles Times
I only like my job when I’m programming or learning new technical skills. “Vuelve el perro arrepentido… con su mirada tan tierna… con el ocico partido… y el rabo entre las piernas.” -El Chavo
My baby G is the most beautiful, easy-going, pleasant baby in the whole world. I love him more than anything.
Baby G
I’ve overbooked myself for the past several weeks. Need to take a sanity break.
I wish my husband and I got to spend more time together.
I am looking forward to taking a beach vacation in 3 weeks
I still marvel at the beauty of the city of Boston and can’t believe I get to live here and see it every day.
I love cool, honest people and I am not afraid to ask them out to dinner when I meet them. I’ve scored at 50% success rate with this (read as: 50% of the people I ask out end up sticking around and accepting more invitations to hang out)
No more 3D movies for me. The glasses are so annoying.
On that note, I went to see Titanic in the theater and I was as awestruck as the first time. Reminded me why theaters are so much better at making you feel you’re IN the movie, compared to watching at home with the lights on and your computer on your lap.
Credit: AP Photo/Paramount Pictures
I want Baby G to have a sibling to play with. But I’m not ready yet. I keep telling myself that is ok but I feel a lot of pressure to feel differently.
I am happy that hubby has decided to go to bed early and wake up early. We had breakfast together today 🙂 I made him bacon 🙂
I think President Obama did an outstanding job with what he had. Congress party rivalries are no picnic.
I’m on the lookout for novels that have the potential to inspire me to get off my bum and do great things. I take suggestions. No scifi please.
I have been thinking about how I can use my skills to improve operations at work, and it is killing me that I don’t have the courage to speak up.
Go Clay Aiken! (Celebrity Apprentice)
That’s all for now… Have a great “Viernes chiquito”!
As I sit on the train on my way to work this Monday morning, I can’t help but feel a certain level of anxiety about my birthday. Today I turn 31 years old.
The source of my apprehension does not come from the usual place of uncertainty towards my future, regrets about my past, or concerns about the dwindling amount of time and consequent reduction of options ahead of me. My anxiety stems from the fact that, unlike all the other 364 days of the year (365 on leap years), today I will be given attention that I did not seek out, request, or even earned.
Admittedly, I spend a considerable amount of time dwelling about how little time my heart believes my family and friends spend thinking of me. This is an unhealthy way to live, to say the least, but it comes from childhood experiences that time cannot erase. In this situation, awareness is my friend: I know I am an insecure person. I just hope I am getting better and better every day at focusing my energies inward as opposed to seeking approval from external sources. I can only hope.
So what does this have to do with my birthday? In one sentence, I can summarize my feelings as: I got their attention… and I still don’t feel complete. In more than one sentence: I spend my whole year trying to impress, and once a year I get a bit of what I think I want, and it turns out that it is not what I need at all. The love is genuine, but my heart doesn’t soak it in. My broken heart continues to believe it does not deserve it.
As I was writing that very sad thought on my blackberry as I walked out of the train, a large man bumped me on purpose, hitting me hard on my chest with his shoulder. When I turned to look at him, he just kept saying “don’t text while walking!” Well, happy birthday to me.
Vortex of Evil!If you’ve been a long-time follower of this blog, you should know that my husband, Brian, is the nicest guy in the world. He likes everybody, and everybody likes him. If you know him, you would never want anything bad to happen to him. And then, social networking did.
Brian stays away from any and all sites where he would reveal anything about himself (such as Facebook, myspace, etc). However, he did find some value in Twitter, in that he could follow a gazillion news outlets and get his news in one place. Then, tonight, he found an old friend of his on Twitter… here we go.
Brian asked me how to contact him. I told him that unless they were following each other, direct messaging wasn’t possible. So he could opt for “mentioning” him on a tweet, and hope that he will get alerted that he was mentioned and reply. The tweet would be public, of course, so he should reveal only things he wouldn’t mind the whole world reading.
So, after much pondering and stress, he decided to tweet him and encourage him to follow him, so they could DM each other.
5 minutes later, Brian had not received a response, which started creating a great deal of anxiety for him. “He’s going to reply, right? You think he’ll know who I am? Will he think I’m a spammer?” Seeing him in such state of anticipation, I couldn’t help but wonder what good is all this doing to anyone??? Anything that makes my sweet Brian fall into such state of discomfort cannot be good!
Down with social networking! The root of all evil!!! You have 500 million people, already! Couldn’t you leave my poor husband alone???
Recently I was reminded of the expression that says that if you take everything away from a rich person and give it to a poor person, eventually the rich will be rich again and the poor will get poor again. If you’ve never heard it, the reasoning behind it is that the rich person will have the intellectual savvy and focus to make/save money again, while the poor person, never very apt at saving or money management, is likely to satisfy their every whim without thinking of the future, thus losing their fortune as easily as they got it.
Well, I am now in a position where I feel like I have been stripped from my cushy disposable income, and I’ll have to figure out “how to get rich again.” Here’s how we’re managing, and I hope this post helps someone out there figure things out as well.
Up until a few weeks ago I had no real concept of what it was like to pinch pennies. My husband and I have always lived comfortably under our means so that we could afford to have weekend getaways, or to buy little things we wanted, or to be really generous when it came to birthday gifts for our family. Now that we are expecting our first child, we have been awoken from our financial comfort with a big bucket of cold water right on our heads. Not only are babies expensive (diapers, food, clothing, daycare), but they also cause a loss in income (unpaid months of maternity leave). I don’t know about other new parents out there, but we certainly don’t swim in an excess of $2000 every month, so we basically will not be able to afford full-time daycare if our finances stay the way they are.
Cue our intellectual savvy and focus to make/save money.
The first thing we had to do was to take a close look at our ins and outs: where does our money go every month and what could we live without? The analysis was easy to pull, since we’ve spent hours upon hours over the past several years tracking all of our expenses on Microsoft Money (or Quicken, whatever the cheapest license is). Our results were:
Eating out
Gifts
Parking
I thought “Ok, no way will we be cutting down on these things. After all, I don’t cook every night (screw that!), I don’t bring food from home to work every day (Brian hates left overs, and considers daily $25 lunches at the Cheesecake Factory his “social” time). And how to avoid paying $27/day in parking (or $15/day at the least in Boston) if Brian is not a morning person and getting up early to catch the train is out of the question? Also, I’m 8 months pregnant! I’m not about to give up my cushy $4/day parking at the station in order to walk 15 min each morning to the closest station. No way. And what about gifts? We love our family and we are the only ones that have well-paying jobs. We feel it’s our duty to share our good fortune with people we love.”
There had to be another way! All of these items seemed impossible to bring down! We had great reasons not to touch those expenses.
It took a big revelation to get our motivation going: WE CANNOT AFFORD DAYCARE. Literally… we have NO MONEY for daycare. If we didn’t address this now, we’d be in a far deeper hole later. I guess it was time to get our little hineys in gear.
The first thing I did, as kitchen manager, was to make sure we planned our dinner meals for the week, and go food shopping with a specific list the weekend before. Brian may not like left overs, but I could just as easily make an additional meal at night to bring it to work with me. If I didn’t have food to bring to work, I’d stick to the cafeteria’s $4.50 chicken sandwiches. By reducing my lunches to $5 a couple of days a week, I managed to save on the usual daily $9-$15 lunches I used to have. Monthly savings = $9 x 5 days minus $5 x 2 days = $35 x 4 weeks= $140. Even my husband jumped on the saving wagon: he didn’t give up the social lunches that meant so much to his work/life balance, but he started choosing appetizer-size meals (if you’ve ever eaten at the Cheesecake Factory, you know portions are huge anyway) and started ordering (free) water instead of his usual coke. Including tip, his meals went from $25 to $11. All other days of the week he’d get the $5 burger or tuna fish sandwich at the cafeteria/food court. Monthly savings = $25 x 3 days + $9 x 2 days minus ($11 x 3 days + $5 x 2 days) = $50 x 4 weeks = $200.
What about dinners? We used to spend money on groceries in addition to eating out 3 nights a week, PLUS every meal on weekends was dine-out. That added up to about $50 on weeknights + $70 on weekends (on average) = $120 x 4 weeks = $480/month. Now we only eat out one night a week ($17) and a couple fast food meals on weekends ($20). Monthly savings = $480 minus ($37 x 4 weeks) = $332.
Assume groceries stay the same: I used to buy everything full price at the supermarket, but now I shop a lot smarter! So I get more for less.
Speaking of groceries, I had to accept my shortcomings and ignorance and knock on a friend’s door to leverage her strengths and help me sharpen my conscious-shopping skills. My friend was not only gracious enough to show me everything I needed to know about thrifty grocery shopping, but she was also SO EXCITED to show me. [Moral of the story: People love helping others on things they are good at – use them! Don’t be shy to ask!]. Here are some tips I’ll be taking away from our “private lesson”:
Shop from your pantry first. In other words, get ideas for the week’s meals from stuff you already have and build the menu around it. This cuts down on buying every ingredient on every recipe.
Make your menu for the week and write a list of stuff you need to buy. Remember to keep in mind nights you know you won’t be eating at home, and plan for weekend meals!
Need to buy cleaning supplies, bathroom items, cereal or dry/canned goods? Buy these at a discount store (Walmart, Target, Costco, BJs). NEVER buy these at the supermarket. That’s where they getcha!
Go online to the supermarket websites to find out which store is running sales on items on your list. If none are, you may want to revise your list based on items that are on sale that week. For example, if you were planning to make a chicken dinner, but pork is on sale, make it a pork chop night!
Once you figure out which store near you will give you the biggest bang for your buck, go there and shop. STICK TO YOUR LIST! No exceptions!!!
Back to our savings plan: I plan on not spending more than I usually did on groceries. Maybe I’ll spend even less now that I’m actually giving it some thought!
Next, gifts. That’s a tough one and I’ll admit that we haven’t completely figured it out yet. What happens very often is that someone in the family will come up with an expensive gift idea for a birthday and everybody has to pitch in. Since the economy went south, we usually end up paying for 50% of the gift, even though it’s supposed to be split 5 ways. Most recently, we’ve just implicitly agreed on a maximum expense of $50 per gift (July is going to HURT – so many bdays!). I can’t say this is a vast improvement, but at least it’s a limit. I’ll let you know how this turned out later.
About parking: we actually found quite the ingenious solution to this one! Turns out that there are two sweet spots around Brian’s work building in Cambridge: one whole row where there is free parking any time, but fills up by 7:30 am, and another that opens at 10 am and is free all day long after that. Since Brian can’t help but sleep until he’s done, and the train is “supposed to” adjust to HIS schedule, he tends to miss the train quite a lot. So he continues to drive to work. He makes it there by 9 am and parks in front of his building, which is 1 hr parking. When 10 am starts approaching, he moves his car to the free slots. Boom: free parking! Monthly savings = $27 x 2 days + $15 x 2 days = $84 x 4 weeks = $336.
As for me, well, I should really remain active through pregnancy. Since I don’t have a regular workout routine, walking for 15 min every morning is actually good for me. So, no more $4/day parking for me. Monthly savings = $4 x 5 days x 4 weeks = $80.
We didn’t just have to make these adjustments, though. We also got rid of little luxuries that we just couldn’t afford any longer: no more piano lessons ($160/month), no more gym membership ($45/month), no more frivolous online purchases ($150/month).
So, what’s our monthly savings tally?
Eating out
$472
Gifts
? (TBA)
Parking
$416
Piano
$160
Gym
$45
Purchases
$150
TOTAL
$1243
Woo hoo! We’re almost there!
One more thing I have been doing is sell my books online. I have made about $300 in two weeks, which is incredible considering Brian just wanted to donate them, and I still got plenty more to go! One thing that really helped was getting a LOT of books from a friend who was planning on donating them anyway. $$$Ca-chin$$$
I also went to the bank and got (free) sleeves to roll up my own change. You could dump your change into a CoinStar machine, but it will take anywhere from 8-10% commission on your total. I rolled up $80 this week and I’ll get to keep every penny! Just need to go to the bank and deposit it!
$78 worth of rolled-up change!
So, there you have it. We have found great comfort in frugality and we are a little bit richer for it, even though our main sources of income have stayed exactly the same.
Sorry, I know it was a long one! Thanks for reading this far!
Good morning! I thought I’d just send out good vibes to the world today by sharing a few things I’ve learned over the past few weeks:
You don’t need to get a higher paying job in order to have more disposable income. Some things you can do are: sell things you don’t use anymore, stop paying for things you could live without, stick to eating at home, or stick to a bill around $5 ($10 at the most) whenever you do eat out, and seek out sales for things you normally keep in stock. Mmm, maybe this topic deserves its own Blog post.
Don’t expect your partner to be capable of doing, or be willing to do, everything. Focus on their strengths and you on yours, and truly complement each other. Check the scoreboard at the door.
Failed friendships/relationships hurt, and the feeling of regret won’t go away. If it can’t be repaired, or you don’t believe there’s any point in trying, then educate yourself on the concept of cognitive dissonance and use it to convince yourself that you are both better off. Your own emotions and mental health should be your #1 priority. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, surround yourself by happy, cheerful people.
There are a lot of people who want to be around you, but you might not know it or realize it yet. It’s time to water those friendships and allow them to flourish. Call someone up for coffee this week, you might be surprised at what you find.
Give the bad news. People can handle it, and, after an appropriate period of shock, they will get used to it. They simply have no choice. However, be understanding, and support them through it (as backwards as it may seem)
Smile at people you just met. It makes you seem nice and approachable, and it makes them feel good (even if they don’t smile back at first, they’ll come around).
Don’t accept short or nonsensical answers when it comes to your health, and take accountability for your health by way of knowledge. Remember that NOBODY cares more about your health, and NOBODY knows your body, more/better than YOU. You are your best advocate.
Most times you can find a study or website that supports claims on both sides of the fence. Consider them both, but ultimately, it might come down to what you are comfortable with or what you believe in. Don’t ignore your gut feeling, as long as you’ve considered all angles.
Lastly, remember that being happy starts with you. Nobody else is responsible for it, and nobody will come and rescue you.
Floss.
Happy Tuesday everyone!
ina
PS: Added the last one at the last minute to make it an even 10 🙂 (yes, I’m Monk).
I am having issues. “What else is new?” you may be wondering…
Let me start with an anecdote. Yesterday we had a family softball game with Brian’s entire father’s side of the family. Most of the people were in the backyard with the grill and the food and the games, while I was inside helping Brian’s cousin’s wife, Robin, who is a new mother, with something to drink and to eat while she nursed. Being 7 months pregnant, I took an interest in chatting with her and get any advice she’d be willing to give. At one point, her husband, Luke, came in and asked if she wanted anything to eat. I was starting to get hungry, so I just said, half jokingly (but half not) how I wish I had a husband who would take care of me and bring me food. They called his name a couple of times, but Brian couldn’t hear very well outside and wasn’t convinced he was being called so he just ignored it. So Luke said he could get me some food, to which I responded that it’s not his job, and I’ll go get it myself.
When I ran into Brian outside, I told him how I wish he was the one to bring me food (again, half-joking, half not), and he said “oh I’m sorry, I’ve been here busy taking care of the dogs, and I’m worried that one of them is tired and hasn’t had any water.” So I said “no worries, I know where I stand in priority when it comes to the dogs” and he said “yeah, I’m glad you do!” He thought it was a clever comeback, but considering I was actually really wishing he was being more attentive, I took it to heart. I think that’s when it all started coming down.
I waited around for my burger, but it took a while to be ready… so I was hungry and just trying to keep busy, when I really just wanted to get off my feet.
Finally the food came and I went to find a spot to sit. I saw my husband standing next to an empty folding chair, leaning on the back of the seat with one hand, and holding a can of Coke with the other, so I thought I’d sit by him and maybe get to spend some time together and get over whatever these stupid feelings against him were. When I sat down, he lost his grip and spilled Coke on the chair and the back of my shirt. I got up immediately, and I apologized profusely… this didn’t help my state of mind. Now I was thinking “I’m such an inconvenience for him that I’m just making things worse by being around him.” So I took my food and sat elsewhere. I could feel tears welling up, but I tried to absorb them.
I needed napkins and a drink, but I felt like such a bother, I didn’t want to ask for help. Finally I swallowed my pride and a couple of people were kind enough to bring me napkins and a water bottle. So there I was, sitting on a folding chair, plate in one hand, closed water bottle in the other… until someone offered to open the bottle for me. With a big sigh of surrender, I said yes, I needed help. That’s when the tears started pouring out and there was no hiding them.
I got up as discreetly as I could, and went to sit on a bench at the front of the house, and I just started bawling. Turns out my husband had noticed where I had gone, and he followed behind me. He sat next to me and asked me what was wrong as many times as it took for me to realize that maybe I should say something, no matter how stupid I felt I was being, and how much I felt I shouldn’t be penalizing him for something he has NO idea he was (or wasn’t) doing to me.
So I told him the story, while still crying my eyes out, and added that we are caught in a vicious cycle: he has NEVER had to be so attentive with me because I have always been very independent, and because I pride myself in being independent, I don’t ask for help. The way I think about it is: I don’t need him to move heavy stuff for me, I don’t need him to open jars for me, I don’t need him to go to the store and get me something, I don’t need him to bring me water when I’m thirsty. I don’t NEED him. I never have. So in essence I’m asking him to do something he has never had to do for me before: to be attentive and preemptive about my needs. I’m also putting myself in a very vulnerable position: recognizing that I do need help.
He understood the conundrum, and he gave himself credit for being attentive whenever he did notice I needed help… unfortunately, it’s not very often.
Is this really happening? Am I really relinquishing my independence for the sake of getting my husband to pay me more attention? I have always prided myself in not needing help… and now that I do need it, I’m having a very difficult time accepting my shortcomings.
Does this ring a bell with anyone out there? Or is it my hormones that are making these little matters bigger than they actually need to be? Just wondering…
I have been absent from blogging for a while. Not because I don’t have anything to say (the day that happens, you might as well bring a fly swatter to smash the flies on my body, because I’d be dead), but because I’ve had very little time to sit down and write with purpose. I’ve been jotting things down here and there in notepads, so I hope to put together a good introspective blog soon.
In the meantime, I thought you (as in, the world) would benefit from this magnificent post by my friend Half Awake called Self Empathy. I’d review it, but I don’t want to add judgment to your experience of reading this. Please enjoy.
I have never been into meditation, but today I tried an experiment.
When I got into my car on the way to work, I sat for two full minutes with my eyes closed an the engine off. During these two minutes, I repeatedly gave voice to the feelings and sensations I was aware of. Each time I felt something I said “I am aware that I …”, where the blank was the sensation I was experiencing. I said things like:
“I am aware that I am hearing a plane fly overhead.”
“I am aware that I am stressed about a project I have to work on today.”
“I am aware of the feeling that I have to go to the bathroom.”
“I am aware that I enjoyed time with my friends this weekend.”
“I am aware that despite having a good weekend, I am judging myself for not accomplishing enough.”
“I am aware of the feeling of the sun shining through my car window.”
The goal was not to place judgments on any of these feelings or inner interpretations, but rather just to acknowledge them. I found myself wanting to follow “I am aware that I feel …” with “and that means I should…”. I tried hard to veer away from those thoughts.
At the end of two minutes I felt relaxed, but the real impact was more subtle, and over the course of the day. I acutually found myself more conscious of what I was thinking and feeling, and a bit less reactive in interpersonal situations. It wasn’t perfect, and quite often that awareness came only in retrospect, but it was somehow refreshing to hear the words “I am aware that I” going through my head spontaneously.
I was talking to my husband, Brian, last night. I told him I was feeling a little lost lately.
For the longest time (many many years) I have been coming up with little ideas for things to do. Things that may seem crazy, but totally doable to me. Some of those things came to fruition, like volunteering at hospitals and a suicide hotline to help people; and some never took off, like my wanting to perform a comedy routine. My brain was always going. Anytime I’d say to Brian “so, I’ve been thinking…” he’d freak out “Oh no! What are you thinking of this time???” It was my thing.
But now… now… I’ve settled into an unproductive groove. Ideas are still there (write a book, work on the comedy routine, think of a way to get some side income, and others), but I stop the idea even before it starts brewing. After all, what are the odds I’ll actually carry it through this time around? I’ve been discouraging myself by citing my inconsistent record back to myself.
And so I do nothing. I come home at night, figure out dinner, and get to bed by 9:30. Repeat 5x/week. Then weekends come and I look forward to doing laundry, going to piano lesson, and having some time to spend with Brian. Nothing happens. Nothing changes.
Ever feel like you’ve reached a lull? But then you remember that when things were crazy busy and you were stressed out you wished you had nothing else to do? Looks like we can’t have it all. I don’t want to be crazy busy again… I just want to feel a little more fulfilled.
Any ideas on how to get started? What motivates you to get off your bum and shake things up?
This weekend was mellow, lazy, and productive in a minimal way, but productive nonetheless 🙂 Visited my neighbors’ new baby, played UNO and had dinner with them, and spent Sunday rearranging things around the house in preparation of my parents visit next week.
This morning I woke up at 5am, took care of my emails, did a few stretches, went for a walk in my neighborhood, made eggs for breakfast, showered, moisturized, and watched an episode of Frasier (only the best show ever). I gotta tell ya, waking up early really has a way to set up your day.
I also felt very lucky to live where I do. I was chatting with a friend who lives in Venezuela (where I’m originally from), and I told him that I would have never gone for a walk before dawn in Caracas. A woman, alone, in the dark? That’s asking for trouble. His response was: heck, a man, not alone, at noon, same thing! There’s just no way to escape crime! It’s just a shame.
Today also happens to be the day we commemorate a failed attempt to oust Chavez from the presidency. A day when his supporters unapologetically opened fire over an unarmed mass of demonstrators, and then had the balls to say it was the other way around. Things that happen out there are just outrageous and quite unbelievable. [Deep breath] Don’t get me started.
Anyways, why don’t we end in a positive note? My point is: waking up early is awesome and everyone should try it 🙂 How’s that for a closing? 🙂
My friend Christine was taking a vacation with her fiancé out in South Carolina. On their way back to Boston, they stopped at a Holiday Inn in Maryland for the night, only to wake up and find that their car had been broken into and all their possessions stolen. Christine mourned the loss of those items that are simply irreplaceable: CDs with obscure songs from her year in France, a shirt from her hometown’s sports team (a gift from her fiancé), and others.
Her experience kicked off a snowball of my own feelings about loss. It seems like loss is simply inevitable. When I think back on my life, I find a wide range of things I miss. For instance, I still miss my cute tiny apartment in Plainville, CT, and I still mourn the loss of my last job (regardless of the fact I left willingly). I miss college and having no sense of time. I miss Kentucky, and nights of endless country karaoking at Coyote’s in downtown Louisville. I miss the house I grew up in in Caracas, Venezuela.
I guess the point is that nothing ever stays the same, no matter how hard we try to escape change. Something will always hit us from left field, like a robbery, or a new job opportunity. We’re a race doomed to missing what we’ve lost.
So I guess the moral of the story is that we should learn to expect change. Hopefully the correct expectations will allow us to cope a little better, and move on sooner… but one thing’s for sure: we’ll always lose.
Oh, Caf, why do I hate thee so much? Let me count the ways.
The only way to get to you is by walking through mounds of trash, which smell a LOT
Your staff is unfriendly at best, rude at worst.
You stink
Your healthy choices account for only 25% of your offerings
You smell like trash
Add one more reason at the end: sexual harassment. Here’s how it went:
ina walks by a certain gentleman who’s dressed in scrubs and resting against a column.
man: Hi, sweetie (seizes ina up and down) ina: (goes back) Excuse me? man: I said hello, sweetie (sleezy smirk appears across his face) ina: (serious tone, obviously pissed) Don’t do that. It’s disrespectful. We don’t know each other. (ina walks away)
ina gets hummus from the deli, walks by the man again to go to the cash registers.
man: I won’t do it again… (same smirk!!!) ina: Thank you.
I had just had a dream where there was a HUGE ASS bat living between the ceiling boards of the house I shared with my sister and my father somewhere out in the country. Since the shower was in a woodsy open-ceiling room, the bat was inevitably close and I could never finish showering without screaming my heart out first.
At one point I was in the living room and the bat came flying towards me. I managed to get a baseball bat and knock it down, ultimately pinning it between the bat and the furniture I was sitting in, by the throat. Now, go back and read that sequence of events and imagine me SCREAMING the entire time. It was still moving, so I pressed hard on its neck until it died.
Turns out that the huge ass bat wasn’t the only thing living up there, there was a black cat, and who knows what other animals were lurking right above us. We called an exterminator, who finished the job. In the meantime, there was other drama brewing. My sister, whom we call Tina Fey, was pregnant and she didn’t even know it! And here’s the shocker: she was farther along than I was! She had been pregnant for 6 months, but never really lost her figure. There was her boyfriend just kind of shrugging… they had no idea what was going on.
When the baby was going to come, the people who came out of the room were my former maid (big woman), a huge ass man (really, like a wall), holding a HUGE ASS baby. All the while I kept thinking how on Earth she managed to deliver that size baby.
After the dream, and fast awakening into the real world, I kept remembering all these little things that upset me at one time. Like the time that pretentious girl offered to be my mentor, when we were both at the same level in the company, and she wasn’t even a team leader (that required balls on her part, didn’t it?). Or like my last day at my old company, when one of my mentors (the ONLY person I could call a mentor in that office) decided not to come in for my goodbye lunch and we never said a proper goodbye. In fact, none of the people I worked with showed up to the goodbye lunch. Only my friends did. I still find that extremely upsetting and a slap in the face. What an unceremonious end to my career at the company I devoted 8 years of my life to.
Other little things started coming to mind for no reason at all. As a result, I’ve started out the day feeling quite upset. It’s just one of those days it doesn’t pay to get out of bed.
I’m the first to admit that the purpose of a post like this one is to make everyone else jealous of the fact that I married the absolute sweetest and nicest guy in the world. But why don’t you play along with me and let’s all pretend that this is just a very naïve “oh look what I got! isn’t it nice?” post with no hidden agenda? I appreciate your efforts.
For Valentine’s Day, I made my love our favorite dinner: fried chicken (deep-fried breaded seasoned chicken breast, cut in small chunks) with french fries (Idaho white potatoes, cut into fry shape and deep-fried). We DEVOURED it. I also gave him a cute card with a little inside joke, and a bag of love-themed M&Ms (not custom, sorry, just the ones they were selling out there for the holiday).
Now, what he gave ME, I could never top. Here is the parade of gifts:
A necklace with a sparkly Hershey kiss charm. Brian is a big fan of Hershey kisses, so I think about him every time I look at it. Isn't it perfect???
A dozen red roses, delivered to my workplace (which made my whole office burst in oohs and awws), and a lovely note that made me giddy all day long (yes, I also cried with the note… it was just amazing) Godiva Bon Bons… also delivered to my workplace. My next desk neighbor and I indulged in some chocolaty goodness all day long. Perfect V-Day gift.
And tonight, to close the ceremonies, we will be heading out to The Melting Pot to have some delicious fondue. Ohhhhh, I can’t wait.
And I’ll close with a message of love. I say all that jealousy stuff in good fun, but really what I wanted to share with you is this: It’s not the presents, it’s not the jewelry, or the bon bons, or the flowers. It’s the fact that I found someone who loves me so much that he does his best at making sure that I know it. This may mean flowers, chocolates, and an amazingly written note on a random day such as February 14th. But in reality, he reminds me of how lucky we are to have found each other every day when he calls me to say nothing at all, just to hear me talk. Or when he gets up early on a Saturday morning to help me get my car out of the snow bank I drove it into. Or when he brings a glass of water and puts it next to my side of the bed because he knows I might get thirsty before I go to sleep. Or like taking care of the dishes after I have cooked as a thank you for the time I put into it. Or like taking me to a restaurant to eat fondue or Chinese food because he knows I like it, even though he probably won’t find anything he likes on the menu. There are a billion little things our significant others do on a daily basis that don’t come accompanied by a fanfare which reminds us that there is no place we would rather be than with each other.
So, to all you lovers out there, I hope you had a great Valentine’s day with your loved one, and that you take 2 seconds of your time to turn to them and tell them how your life is so much better because they are in it.
For the past several weeks I have been going straight home after work, and just watching TV with Brian.
We all know that is Brian’s usual evening, and he’s perfectly comfortable in that setting. Me? Not so much. Last night I actually watched American Idol and The Middle (switching back and forth during commercials) just because there was nothing else on TV until 9pm (Modern Family). I was 100% aware of the idleness and boredom, but I couldn’t snap myself out of it. I kept telling myself “you could be upstairs cleaning out the guest bedroom” or “you could go over there and practice your piano song” but I couldn’t get up! Is that a testimony to the addictive nature of TV, or simply attributable to my fear of wasting time? I’m gonna take a big leap and say it is the latter.
So, I would like to break the cycle tonight. I’m not the kind of person that can go around life without a plan. In fact, I’m quite averse to a planless week. Let’s give this a shot. Let’s make a list!
Do 2 loads of laundry
Fold laundry and put it away
Clear out the guest room bed
Clean the bathrooms
Clear out the living room
Put some things in the attic
Put some kitchenware in the pantry
Reorganize the things in the kitchen cabinets
Make a healthy dinner for 2
Grocery shop for bread, juice and bananas
So which ones can I realistically tackle tonight after work?
Grocery shop for bread, juice and bananas
Make healthy dinner for 2
Do 2 loads of laundry
Fold laundry and put it away
Let’s start there. Maybe tomorrow I can move onto some of the other tasks, and finish the list off over the weekend.
I really think this is a good start… even though my heart is telling me that I could be doing something better with my time than cooking. What do I have against cooking??? Man, I need to learn some new quick/easy/healthy recipes. I take suggestions.
Ever since my husband left me, things have been in a state of disarray both physically (around the house), and mentally.
Ok, so he didn’t really *leave me*, but that’s how it feels! Brian had to go take care of some needy clients in California for a week, so he’s been gone since last Wednesday. After he left, the cold that had been brewing inside me finally exploded and I spent Friday through Monday fighting off a burning sinus infection. I was the very definition of the sick and the lame (and lonely).
Thanks to my amazingly maternal sister-in-law, and my super duper mother-in-law, I was slowly nursed back to health and spent most of the weekend away from home being fed and taken care of. I’m lucky to have them around being so willing to help. They really went the extra mile for me.
So let’s come back to disorder: my house is a mess, my sinuses are a mess, I have not finished a single book I have started reading (I got like 4 incomplete books under my belt right now), I’m dealing with the inevitable pregnancy worrier syndrome (“is this affecting my baby???”), and I’m too sick and tired to take on cleaning the house all by myself.
Disorder. That’s what I call this midpoint state between complete chaos and perfect harmony. I long for the days when I had nothing to do when I got home. Lately I’ve been so overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done that I have accomplished nothing at all.
Here’s wishing you a more productive rest of the week than mine has been so far,
I got the day off today for MLK holiday, and it was the worst day ever. My husband, Brian, decided to work so he could get an additional couple days off work later on, so I was all by myself in the house all day.
If you know anything about me it is that I can’t be alone without getting completely down and low. Well, today did not disappoint. However, by moving one inch at a time, I did manage to (1) Finish all our laundry; (2) Keep myself fed; and (3) Bring most of our books down from upstairs to the new location of our bookcases, downstairs.
I just hope that this week picks up at work and I feel a little more useful than I have been feeling there recently. Right now, though, I just want to crawl into bed with Brian and stay there until I’m bored enough to get up out of my own volition. In other words, hit the reset button in my body and try this one more time.
Hope you had a better holiday, and an even better week.
ina
PS: title of this post obtained from a song in the hilarious movie “Team America: World Police”
Every year I have a New Years Resolutions Party with my girlfriends, and every year I come up with a “nice” list of things I’d like to try, stick to, or quit (see the 2010 list here). At the end of the year, I look at that list and think to myself “mmm those were nice-to-haves, but I don’t think I really wanted to do those things so badly.” I don’t think that’s how I’m supposed to feel… I think I’m supposed to feel guilty about not accomplishing them, right?
So I guess my point is that this year I want some REAL resolutions. Things that if I don’t accomplish I’ll be like “oh man, why didn’t I get around to doing that???” or “can you imagine if I had actually done that? Crazy!” Most importantly, it would be nice to actually do something different that I have never tried before.
So this is my pre-resolutions post. My Resolutions Party is not until January 22nd (due to lack of availability of a suitable date during the holidays and right around the new year), so you won’t see my list until then… but I think it’s still ok to think about them in advance, don’t you?
The only one that comes to mind, and has been on my mind a lot, is starting a business. Now, that doesn’t mean getting venture capital money, or finding investors, but simply registering a business, and coming up with ways to make money. Here’s the thing: I don’t know if you are the same way, but I keep thinking that the older I get the more money I will have. Now, that is a very Michael-Scott-like dreamy assumption that doesn’t come true unless you actually do something about it. So I’d really like to add a source of income. But what? Space/Closet organization? Video editing? Freelance writing? Document translation? What? What should I do? Well, this year I will register a business and try at least ONE idea and see how it pans out!
It’s kind of exciting to think about it… but I’m so afraid of taking the next step. I guess we gotta just be Fearless!
Good luck crafting your resolutions, and happy new year!
Yes, the blues reared its ugly head this Christmas. I sure hope you had a lovely time all through the season, though!
My blues came quite unexpectedly. I guess it all started on Christmas eve day morning. I had gone out bright and early to get my picture taken for my mother (that was her only request this year: nice pictures of his nice daughters to put in the nice 3-picture frame that my mother-in-law gave to her), and I had such an awful experience that I ended up leaving a nasty Voicemail for the store’s district manager.
That mood snowballed into being rude to Brian and to our sweet contractor, who was working on my basement on Christmas eve day, and who had a present for me. Could I feel any worse?
Then we went to my mother-in-law’s for dinner, which was a great time except a few people all of the sudden got camera shy, so I ended up upset at myself for being so annoying that people were running away from me just to avoid being in a picture. Given that being liked by Brian’s family is so important to me, and the vulnerable state I felt in, I cried all the way home.
Then I woke up at the ass crack of dawn on Christmas morning feeling totally down, and Brian didn’t help by not being super duper unreasonably sweet to me like I required, and broke down and cried again.
Pretty depressing, huh? I tried to get into the Christmas spirit by playing A Christmas Story on TV, but I hate that movie. So I switched to whatever romantic comedy was playing on another channel and proceeded to clean the kitchen while Brian spent some alone time in his study.
That night we went back to his family’s house for Christmas dinner, and we did end up having a fabulous time. We were there from 3pm until 11pm. We exchanged gifts, we laughed, we played games, we took pictures (camera shyness aside), and ate “in shifts” as each course made its way to the dining room table. It was a great night with family. Wouldn’t have traded it for the world.
After I got home I felt weird. I had been so bitchy for the past 2 days that I couldn’t help but feel that the new haircut I had was at least partly to blame. I wasn’t sweet little old me. I was some catty impostor.
I guess the lesson is: don’t get a dramatic haircut before an important and potentially stressful event (such as Xmas, wedding, birthday). That’s my bit of wisdom for the world this Christmas.
Hope you all had a wonderful holiday! And I leave you with this hilarious link to Porky Pig’s Blue Christmas song:
My name is ina, I live in Norwood, MA, and my behavior this year has been “average” or as expected. [Growing up, I never felt comfortable telling Santa that I had been a good girl, as that was a highly subjective term and I didn’t want to seem like I was lying!] This Christmas, I would like to ask you to bring me the following:
A fun and joyful time with my immediate and extended family during the holidays
To continue to give my family and myself great health and positive attitudes
The strength to stand on my own two feet emotionally, and not crumble at every undesirable situation
A job for my jobless friends, and a better job for those who are unhappy in their current one
The brains to figure out alternate sources of income and the perseverance to carry it through
Happiness for my friends [This is quite the selfish request, because when they are happy I am happy]
As for physical things, you can always check my Amazon Wishist 🙂
I know that list is quite corny, but the truth of the matter is that I have been really happy for the past couple of months and there isn’t much I need (way to jinx my own life), so I just want things to stay the same (except for bringing happiness and jobs to my friends).
I hope Santa can pull some strings and make these things happen.
To all of you a merry Christmas and a very happy new year 🙂
ina
PS: Realization: happiness makes for some really boring posts, doesn’t it?? lol!
It’s the end of the year, and it’s time to start reminiscing on what we are leaving behind and looking forward to what is ahead.
The year 2010 will heretofore be known as The Year of the Flood. Our whole world changed when we had to gut our basement and “move upstairs.” It basically feels like we live in a really expensive 3-br apartment. Crazy, huh? Well, remodeling downstairs will be done by the end of the year and we’ll get our two-story little house back!
It is also the year I finished my MBA, and the year both my husband and I got new jobs! These are big changes, but ones that made us a million times happier than we were before. It’s really amazing how our quality of life has improved as a result of taking a chance and doing something new.
2010 was also the year that Taylor Swift won 4 Grammys, that the Healthcare bill passed, that new arsenic-based life was discovered in Mono Lake in California, that the Chilean miners were rescued, that The Hurt Locker beat out Avatar for best picture, and a woman wins best director for the first time (James Cameron’s ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow), the year that Spain won the World Cup and the year of the BP oil spill disaster.
So what’s waiting for us in 2011? There’s nothing that obviously stands out… So I guess it will be the year of surprises 🙂
I had a great weekend! Played Settlers of Catan with my neighbors on Friday, went to a lovely holiday party on Saturday, and I went Christmas shopping with my friend @na on Sunday.
@na proved to be a great shopping partner. She was decisive, quick, and focused. It was so much fun hanging out and catching up while getting a very important task done 🙂
We got a head start and made it to Natick before the mobs did (seriously, it was empty! And it was 10 am!), so we went into the stores we wanted, searched, destroyed, and got out quickly. In the span of a morning we had breakfast (AMAZING CINNAMON CRUNCH BAGEL WITH HAZELNUT CREAM CHEESE AT PANETA BREAD), hit 14 stores in 3 shopping areas (including the mall), had lunch at Boloco (DELICIOUS CLASSIC BURRITO WITH CARNITAS AND GUACAMOLE ON A WHOLE WHEAT TORTILLA AND A JIMMY CARTER SHAKE) and we were home by 2PM.
I now have purchased presents for everyone except for my mother and parents in law. It’ll come to me… I still got some time.
My husband and I have been dancing around the decision of having children for about a year. There was never a question of “whether” we would have children, but a question of “when.” First, he wanted to settle into our new house, I wanted to finish my MBA, and most recently we would like to finish remodeling our basement.
Well, we settled into the house last December, I finished my MBA in August, and the basement will be ready by year’s end. So, time to start popping them out? Screech! Not so fast. Are we ready for this???
In an effort to figure out whether we are ready to move on with the baby plan or not, I made it a point to speak to parents all around me and listen for the main warnings. This is what I heard:
Your life will completely change
Make sure you take a trip before you have kids
Enjoy having a social life while you can
Say goodbye to selfish desires. From that moment it is all about the kids
Day care costs as much as a month’s rent or a mortgage
Be ready for strain in your marriage
You’ll get your life back when they turn 18, so have them soon so you’ll still be young enough to enjoy your new freedom
No more going out with friends on a moment’s notice
If you just want to experience motherhood, have only one kid: it’s easier than 2
Girls are a pain. Boys are easier.
Enjoy not having any ties for as long as you can!
The more I asked for parents’ opinions, the more I didn’t want to hear them anymore. One parent couldn’t even stay on a positive note after I asked them for “good things” about children. They kept going back to the top of the list and complaining once more.
Who would want to have children at all after hearing all of this?!
Discouraged and tired of hearing how terrible having kids is for your personal freedoms and your way of life, I turned to my mother. Her eyes filled up with tears as she explained that the relationship you have with your children is like no other you have with anyone else, and how your children belong to you and you care about them so deeply because they are YOURS. The relationship is simply immensely satisfying.
Corny? Yes. Insightful? Like you wouldn’t believe.
I stopped thinking of kids as annoying babies and goo-goo toddlers, and started thinking of them as a family culture. It is really like creating your own mini ecosystem of inside jokes and customs that are only understood and accepted within your own clan.
I started observing big families versus small families in that context, and I couldn’t get enough of the fact that you can create a better place for your children right within your own home. You can have the family you always wanted.
Now, I have romanticized this topic a bit, and I am sure that all parents do this at some point or another before deciding to multiply. I have a theory of why we do this. It’s a bit complicated so bear with me here. Here’s an analogy:
When you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend whom you like, but you’re not in love with, you usually don’t go and break up with that person right away. You stay because there is potential, and you think it’s fair to give it a chance. Now, imagine that God (or someone who has all the answers in the universe) came and told you that if you broke up with that person right now, someone better will come along and you will fall absolutely head over heels in love forever. Would you break up? If you trust that messenger (dude, it IS God), then heck yeah, you would! The problem in real life is that no such messenger ever knocks on our door. Nobody will be able to tell you that if you do something really hard right now that you will be immensely happy forever.
That’s how I feel having children is, because you don’t just love your children like you love your parents, your husband or your sister; you fall in love with them (I feel like I ripped that quote off a movie). Many others can tell you what their experience is, but who knows what their initial motives to having children were? Who knows what kind of partner they have? Who knows what they are going through? The point is that we must be our own messenger and tell ourselves that it will be wonderful, in order for us to break up with our current lifestyle (which we like very much) and embark on a new amazing journey (which we will love).
People do say you fall in love. And who can say no to love? Isn’t that all you need? (I know I ripped off the Beatles on that one).
And so, I have started collecting happy thoughts from happy parents:
Yes, your life changes, but for the better
My daughter is just so cool, I just want to go home straight from work to spend time with her
I thought I wanted more time to go out with friends, but now when I go out I can’t stop wishing I were home with my little man
The relationship you have with your children is like no other
I love having our own little world
Have them soon so that you are still young when they are adults and you can share a grown-up relationship
You don’t want them to be “mini mes,” you hope they become a better version of you
And with that, I’ll close by saying that I have learned a lot through this “research” process, and I am very thankful to be in a loving relationship with a wonderful man whose likeness (inside and out) my children would be lucky to inherit. We’ll be on this journey together, and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner.
I hope this helps at least one person in their thought process through this tricky tricky subject. Good luck to all!
For the first time EVER I have decorated my humble abode with the Christmas spirit. I went over to my mother-in-law’s house and ransacked her old Christmas decorations, and walked away with a few neat things.
Here’s a look at our decorations. The tree is not up yet, since we have no room… I’ll have to figure that one out later on.
My pride and joy: Snowy bookshelf topSimple and understated, yet festive fireplaceFestive throw on couch, and little Christmas trees on the windowsEven my bathroom was filled with the holiday spirit!
Merry Christmas! (allow me to be the first to wish it to you)
Hellooooo… is anyone out there?… can anyone hear me?…
I think I have taken this “say No more often” rule a little too far. I am bored out of my mind.
Lately I have been coming straight home from work, watching TV, going to sleep, then going to work the next morning and start the cycle all over again. I’m not doing anything new or exciting, and I’m seriously starting to feel the consequences of it.
I know there is a bigger world out there. Bigger than the little world of work-home-bed I have been living in for the past couple of weeks. I don’t know how Brian (husband) does it. He could live in his own little world, undisturbed, forever and ever. I have this NEED to get out and explore other worlds.
I need a new obsession. I need a new thing to do. Piano is still there, and I’m still playing it and enjoying it, but I’m not obsessed with it. I need something new and exciting. I need a new goal. Something new to study for, maybe? Something with a deadline?
If there’s one thing I love about Boston is the fact that every sight you see is a photo op.
Here are some of my favorite candid pictures taken with my cellphone camera.
Enjoy the sights!
ina
Cambridge as seen from BostonBeautiful sunsetPrudential and Hancock buildings as seen from the Mass PikeFoggy Downtown BostonTD Garden (home of the Celtics and Bruins) and Zakim bridgethe Church at Copley SquareBoston Public LibraryArtistic view of the Hancock Building and the Church at Copley
Today my husband, Brian, will be leaving me for a week for California due to work matters. And I am left here… dwelling.
The poor thing was hung over most of the day yesterday after a night of partying at Christine‘s housewarming party. We ate a lot of food and got to see old friends we hadn’t seen in a while. It was a great time! Until 11pm rolled around and I turned back into a pumpkin… In other words, I fell right asleep on the couch. It was embarrassing to be the only one who crashed (as I was the only one not drinking). It was also unfortunate that Brian chose that exact moment to talk to my girlfriends about how we met, how I help him broaden his horizons, how we went to see Star Trek Insurrection in college and he swooned the entire walk back home just because I was holding his arm, and other sweet things like that. I was sitting RIGHT THERE but didn’t hear a word of this because I was counting Z’s. I got the rough summary from Christine once I woke up. I can’t believe I missed it! I guess I should get him drunk more often, huh?
But I digress. He’s about to leave me for a whole week and I am already feeling that hit that couples dependence strikes you with when separation occurs. I’m already setting up social events for every evening this week so that I don’t sit at home doing nothing.
The way I see it, this could go one of two ways: I’ll be so busy that this week will fly by and it’ll be like nothing happened. Or, I’ll take this opportunity to clean the house, practice piano, save up on eating out by cooking my meals, and maybe even figure out a workout schedule (this spike in productivity is what Brian and I refer to as “curing Cancer”). So perhaps I’ll be curing Cancer this week.
Ok, enough rambling. I reserve my right to dwell the lack of companionship this week, and just hope it flies by.
Warning: the following post may contain a proclamation of love for my husband. Read at your own risk.
Last night I went out to dinner with my husband Brian, my friend Enrique Montoya, and one of my ex-peers from business school, whom we’ll call Dilbert.
So, Dilbert was interested in finding out more about products and services offered by my old company (where Enrique still works) and my husband’s company, so I set up a fun dinner for the 4 of us to catch up and for Enrique and Brian to spill the beans on what it’s like to work at their workplaces.
It took a lot of convincing and manipulation to get Brian to agree to come to dinner at all, but I knew he’d have a good time (he’s met Enrique and he likes him). What I didn’t expect was for him to make me fall in love with him all over again.
He was quiet most of the evening, which is not surprising considering Brian is a pretty shy guy and hates bringing attention to himself (unlike his loud-mouth wife). Sit him next to someone as outgoing and loquacious as Enrique, and you will completely forget he’s sitting at the table.
Fortunately, Enrique is fully self-aware and made sure to let Brian get a few words in. And that’s when I just sat back and listened to him do something he doesn’t do often: tell people about himself. Well, it was more like talking about his work environment, but it was stuff I hadn’t heard him talk about before with anyone else but me, and I was just in awe. You know it’s true love when you can just look at the person sitting in front of you and you feel like the luckiest person in the world.
On the way home I told him how sexy he looked talking to others. I think he felt a bit of pride, because he appeared to believe me. That made me happy. It’s so important for me to know he feels appreciated and loved, especially when he gets out of his shell in public (once in a blue moon).
When we got home, still in the car, we got into a disagreement about one of the things the contractor was going to do in the basement. Here’s a life lesson: disagreements will happen, it’s all about how you both handle them when they arise. The progression of the conversation is hard to explain, since there are a lot of inside jokes in there, but it was sort of like this:
ina: I don’t want him to do it that way. That’s not what we agreed. Brian(after a few attempts at explaining to me why he agreed with the contractor): well maybe you should look up the part online and talk to him, I’m not going to fight him on it. ina(almost falling asleep and nearly incoherent): Brian… Brian: I know, I know, but I’m not going to fight it. ina: no, you don’t know what I’m going to say Brian: yes, I do ina: no, you don’t… Listen… Brian: uh huh… ina(same topic, but slightly off a tangent): how are you going to connect your TV speakers? Brian: at first they will rest on the table ina: and later? Brian: I’ll hang them up ina: how are you going to hide the wires? Brian: we’re going to paint the TV wall area black so the wires are hidden ina: oh and who approved that? I haven’t approved that Brian: yes, remember that email I sent you with the picture I found online? (picture provided below for reference)
ina(shouting but laughing a little): right, you Mister I-hate-vague-questions, that email you sent me saying “what do you think?” and then I said “I don’t know what I’m looking at”?? Brian(almost laughing): yes, and I said look at the wall! ina: YES, THERE WAS A RED WALL ON THE PICTURE AND I ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED A RED WALL! AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID??? YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR ANSWER WAS?? (at this point Brian is laughing hysterically) YOU SAID “I HAVEN’T THOUGHT ABOUT THE COLOR YET”!!! (I cracked up) WHEN DID YOU EVER TALK ABOUT A BLACK WALL??
At that point we were both laughing so hard we were afraid we would wake up the neighbors.
We went inside, and I gave him a big hug and told him I loved him. We cuddled together on the couch to watch the news and then went to sleep.
I don’t know how to explain to you how much this night meant to me. I know he felt it, too. We just felt so happy to be with each other. I can’t wait to live the rest of my life with this man.
I had an awesome week. I spent pretty much 100% of my time focusing on basement renovations. I interviewed 5 contractors, 5 HVAC specialists and 5 electricians, and also attended my town’s building inspector’s office hours. I feel like an expert in what needs to be done in my basement now.
I wish I could have spent some more time with my reading or maybe even working out more, but I am very comfortable with how my time was spent. I was so productive that I can’t even imagine how on Earth I would have gotten all of that done had I not taken this week off. It was perfect and boosted my mood and energy level.
Today, I’ll get things cleaned up around here in preparation for my mother’s 2 week visit, and I’ll plan our meals for the week. But first, I’ll take a run around the block to burn off some of the calories I had for breakfast (originating from a triple chocolate chip muffin – yikes).
Here’s wishing you a great end to a fabulous weekend!
I haven’t posted something in the “Happy” category in quite a while… It’s time I did.
I had a nice weekend. After getting over the friendship-loss (check me out! I’m letting go of things already!), I made a firm decision to smile more and appreciate my surroundings.
I woke up on Sunday and did yoga for the first time in over a year!
Then got all prettied up and went to Enrique Montoya’s husband’s birthday brunch at the Liberty Hotel in Boston. It was a gorgeous, sunny, chilly day. My toes felt cold in my sandals. The air was just pure and crisp and I soaked it all in. My friend’s brunch was great. There were moments when I just sat back and watched them with joy. They are like a ray of light. Happiest people in the world. Mind you, these moments mostly occurred during my inevitable collapses due to food coma, but the feelings were real!
Then I went to Natick to buy a wedding present, and took the scenic route home (Rt 27 all the way down to Norwood). I had music blaring so loudly, and I was singing so loudly, that I didn’t notice that my blinker had been on for who knows how long. Now I understand those people in the highway who don’t seem to notice their blinker is stuck: those are the happy people! 🙂
In the evening I dragged Brian (hubby) to a wedding reception where I didn’t know anyone but the bride and groom. He looked so handsome, and he smiled the entire evening. He was so much fun to be out with, that he made me forget all my problems. Some people say that relationships degrade with time and marriage, but like I was telling Brian last night, I think ours just gets better with time. He agreed 🙂 I love the man.
We got home, I made him pasta for dinner, and we watched Dexter together.
What’s not to be happy about? Here’s wishing you all an AWESOME week 🙂
I terminated a friendship yesterday. Actually, it was more like I was terminated from the friendship, but I didn’t fight it like I had done in the past. It wasn’t pretty, and it certainly didn’t make me feel good, but in the light of day, I understand it was for the best for the both of us. At least for now.
I have been struggling lately trying to figure out why certain things bother me more than they bother other people. Or why I have trouble letting things go, and end up holding onto a lot of grudges. Right now I’m working on the fact that, although many things bother me, I never really say anything out loud (except to my husband). So I recently got it in my head that my feelings are just as important as everybody else’s. Seems harmless and logical, right? So if I feel uncomfortable about something, I should not ignore it and pretend that everything is OK. Well, I certainly chose a golden time/situation/place to practice this new belief, huh?
The friendship was already heavy with tons of baggage, product of both parties’ propensity to over analyze our own feelings. Unfortunately for us, intimacy cannot be forced. You can’t just be 100% raw and open with somebody and expect a friendship to bloom. I think that’s what happened here: too many intimate details weighing heavily on a weak foundation. She thought I was too self-centered (because I kept bringing up my feelings) and that I wasn’t listening to her, and I thought she didn’t want to hear what my feelings were about anything (so she was the one not listening). Well, what can I say, the floor just collapsed.
I just hope I learned something from this. I hope this helps me get one step closer to being myself and still have friendships that grow naturally and organically. Stop over-thinking everything. Stop rushing everything. Stop wanting to figure out every little feeling I feel. Stop holding onto things. Just let go and be happy. Smile more. Appreciate the friendships I DO have, and love my friends for making me smile and giving me great times. Stop the drama and just smell the roses every once in a while. Learn to listen. Learn it’s OK to just listen first, and talk later, without feeling fake. Don’t take my loving husband for granted. Sing more. Love life. Love others. Love myself. Be light. Be present. Be happy.
I got all I need to be happy. It’s time to start BEING it.
Has it ever happened to you that someone gets visibly upset with you, but you really wish they could let it go because it’s something stupid? Or have you been on the other side, where you get upset, but feel like the other person doesn’t understand, doesn’t want to talk about it, and the more you ask the more you think you’re adding to the fire?
If both people were truly open to communication, and they made it a priority to at the very least try to understand where the other is coming from, maybe the upset person would learn how to avoid the issue in the future, and the upsetee would learn that something that may seem stupid might actually be important to the other person.
I’m so mad right now. But I just don’t think talking about it will get me anywhere. In fact, it might make it worse. If I could choose a superpower it would be the ability to let things go. Man, what a sweet life that would be. Ignorance is bliss.
This music-writing business is HARD. My piano teacher told me to listen to the chords she gave me and try to think up a melody. Unfortunately, my mind is not of the creative kind. I can’t all of the sudden come up with a completely original tune. What I did was take her very mathematical advice: I took the chords, and then created a melody using the notes from the chord. So I basically wrote this song measure by measure. I’m pretty sure that’s NOT how Taylor Swift writes her songs.
ina swizzle
Here are the words only:
Haunted by ina
♫♪ I’d like to think
fairies and ghosts exist
I hear them around
left, up and down ♫♪
♫♪ I hear noises
in the walls
get out of my house!
you stupid mouse! ♫♪
This post is about my being sick and tired of people around me preferring to be victims over standing up for themselves.
My husband, Brian, didn’t get any sleep last night. I am partially to blame for allegedly snoring at key points in the night when he was about to fall asleep. The other part of the blame falls on his own sleep issues (insomnia, inability to stay in R.E.M. state for more than 5 seconds at a time, etc). When he woke up at 6am, he got ready for work, had breakfast (all in complete zombie-mode), and proceeded to get ahead of me walking the 10min to the train stop… In the rain… Without an umbrella.
When I caught up with him at the station the rain was falling on him like in a dramatic scene in a movie. His hair was dripping water on his jacket, and the jacket on his pants. I rushed up to him and asked him why he didn’t ask me for an umbrella. He said he didn’t have one / it wasn’t raining when he left the house. Both excuses. I put my umbrella on him. When we got on the train, I asked him to give me his jacket, so I could go shake off the water since his pants were going to get wetter and wetter as the water dripped down his back and onto the seat. He refused.
I can appreciate that he had zero sleep last night, but why does he have to go and feel sorry for himself and not take care of little things that might make his day go a little easier? For example, asking where our umbrellas are?! That is what I mean by victimization: taking the “poor me, woe is me” stance.
I can think of more and more people I know who could use a good shake-up. You feel like pushing away your friends because you think you don’t deserve them? WAKE UP and cherish the friends you DO have! You feel sorry for yourself cuz you can’t afford nice things? HOW ABOUT SAVING A FEW BUCKS AND GETTING YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER? And my personal favorite (directed at myself), you think everyone hates you so you spend days and days obsessing about particular events that serve as evidence to your claim? BOO HOO, SNAP OUT OF IT. NOBODY THINKS ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.
Victimization is not a pretty thing. In fact, it’s illogical and pathetic. I turn myself into a victim when I want coddling and I want someone to tell me it’s going to be ok. But that would not be as effective at fixing the issue as our standing up for ourselves and taking action. Sometimes it’s as easy as grabbing an umbrella on the way out the door. Other times it’s harder, but still actionable, like making a conscious effort to save up for a rainy day. Other times it takes being able to let things go (plus a loooooot of therapy).
It’s too easy being a victim, but it gets us nowhere fast. Here’s wishing you (and me) an action-filled day. No more excuses, no more whining.
My house is all cleaned up. Laundry is going. I have absolutely nothing on my TO DO list that needs action tonight. I’m just sitting here, on my end of the couch, with the TV on Showtime on Mute, just waiting for Dexter to start.
I wait for this moment all week. The moment when my house is clean and I am just relaxing with nothing to do at all. And when it comes, it makes me wonder whether I should be doing something else with my time. Read? Practice piano? Cure cancer?
I can’t say I got the exact balance between “busy” and “relaxed” down. But I think it’s good to feel bored sometimes. Boredom is what made us ready for school after summer session. I guess I’m just hoping to get bored enough so I get the motivation to do something else (like having kids *cough*cough*). Ah, we’ll see.
I have been meaning to say this for a while, but I LOVE places that play the Boston country station (WKLB 102.5 FM) in their establishments!
The first place to get such a mention is a cafe in Norwood, MA, called Mug N’ Muffin. I always forget they play it, and I get a nice and familiar feeling when I walk in. Maybe that is what subconsciously keeps me coming back. I assure you it is NOT the nice and polite demeanor of the wait staff (ugh, awful awful women).
The second mention goes to my mailman! I don’t work from home often, but when I do, I hear his blaring out country music from his headphones, and it makes me want to go out and give him a hug. You ROCK, Mr Mailman!!!
I’d like to say that this is MASSACHUSETTS, people. Country music fan sightings are few and far between. So when we see them, we should give me a little holler 🙂
I have NOTHING planned for tonight, and I’m uncharacteristically sighing of relief.
I’m the kind of person who requires a busy schedule in order to maintain a certain acceptable level of sanity. I book my nights a week in advance to make sure I will have things to do and people to see. It’s been this way ever since college. I used to keep a planner with a billion things written in, not unlike Christine’s planner, except I highlighted every little thing. I was out of control!
Now that I get to choose what to do with my free time after work, I am sick of being out every night and going to bed late. I want to go home, make dinner, and go to bed at a reasonable time. And that’s exactly what I’ll be doing tonight.
I was supposed to have my piano lesson tonight, but I’m tired and just wanna go home. Piano has been moved to Sunday, and I got 2 nights off at home 🙂
It’ll take me some time, but I believe I’ll some day find the correct balance between being busy and relaxed.
I finally did it! I invited my friends over for a viewing of an Oscar nominated film in the Foreign Language category!
The OFFiS
I don’t get to watch the Academy Awards every year, but when I do, they sneak up on me and I end up kicking myself in the butt for not planning ahead and having no idea which movie should win best picture. But what’s frustrated me the most for YEARS is the fact that the foreign films sounded even better than the American films, and there was no way for me to watch them. Until now!
Netflix has all the nominated foreign films you could want! So I finally decided to take the bull by the horns and set up a glorious recurring movie night with my friends to watch those elusive foreign flicks.
We’ll start on Sunday, October 3rd, at 4PM, and get together every 3 or 4 Sundays. I made it early in the day so that everyone can get back home at a reasonable hour, and so that I don’t have to provide dinner, which would add cost to the event, which I’m sure nobody would appreciate.
And so, the OFFiS are born! OFFiS stands for Oscar Foreign Film Sundays 🙂
As I was watching The Big Bang Theory last night, I got to thinking about Sheldon, and I have decided that I envy him.
From what I mentioned in my last Authenticity post you now know that there are a lot of thoughts I habitually leave unsaid and that I have been tasked with writing them down so I can be more aware of them. Well, the awareness is making me a bit uncomfortable.
When Dr. Crane asked me how many times a day I thought I left things unsaid, I answered “just a couple times a week.” Well, it’s been just a few days and already have jotted down 8 occurrences, 2 of which were lingering flashbacks. I wish I could share them with you, but I am ashamed of my own thoughts, which is why I keep them to myself in the first place. All I can tell you is that they are mostly hostile towards people who decide to act selfishly, or people who don’t fully comply with my idea of what constitutes common sense. Who knew I encountered these situations so often in the course of the day???
I’ve also noticed that while I keep my hostile self hidden from most of the world, I have no problem revealing my true and raw feelings to my husband (even if they are targeted at him). He has this uncanny ability to not be affected by my anger and turning any problem into an easy solution. He knows me in and out, is not afraid of my thoughts, and still loves me. That’s a keeper.
So as I watch Sheldon, I can’t help but notice how he manages to be himself, annoy everybody in the process, and still come out as a lovable character. Anybody as annoying as he is would be shunned from any social situation in real life. Can you imagine a world where you can say and do exactly as you think and still manage to have a healthy social life?
I have my vicious cycle: I go to bed too late, wake up too late, run to catch the train, feel all out of whack, skip breakfast, have a huge/unhealthy lunch, feel like crap, don’t want to go to bed to delay tomorrow as much as possible, and start over. Usually that’s just the beginning of a downward spiral into my own implosion.
I want to stop the cycle. I don’t want it to continue its course from here. Today, I will have fruit and yogurt for breakfast, a small lunch at Au Bon Pain with Tori Amos, go home after work and fold laundry until bedtime.
That is my plan, and I hope it works out. For my own sanity’s sake.
Do you have a vicious cycle? What are you going to do to break it TODAY???
I visited a new therapist yesterday. We’ll call her Dr. Crane.
I was referred to Dr. Crane by my friend Alicia Keys, who knew her professionally. The caveat is that Dr. Crane is so well known and in such high demand that she doesn’t need to be part of an insurance network, so her wages per hour add up to about 7 times a typical specialist co-pay. “Ouch! Kiss and make it bettah!”
Alicia Keys assured me Dr. Crane was worth every penny. Although it’s hard for me to agree that any kind of advice would be worth that kind of money, I do have to admit that she brought up certain things I had not thought of on my own, even after all these years of trying to find answers through similar sessions.
Our conversation led me to conclude that I seem to have turned my black & white type of thinking onto myself. I judge myself against values that are very meaningful to me, such as honesty and authenticity. Just like I judge others for being fake or selfish, I judge myself for not being 100% honest and authentic 100% of the time.
You know when someone says or does something you don’t like, but you stay quiet because you don’t think the fight is worth it? Well, that happens to me often enough that I beat myself up for not being authentic. This leads to feelings of self-betrayal, which leads to my feeling like an impostor who might be found out any second, therefore leading to the assumption that I am not genuine and therefore people must hate me. And if they don’t, then they will as soon as they “find me out.” Messed up, isn’t it???
My homework for the next session (a month from now) is to write down things I stop myself from saying just so I can create more awareness in my own head about those times I feel I am self-betraying.
Interesting stuff!
There were other things that came up that actually made me feel much stronger and more apt to withstand other problems.
Maybe I can’t say Dr. Crane was worth every penny, but she was certainly worth making a second appointment with.
Good luck to all of you who are trying to figure out your own inner workings 🙂 It’s not easy, is it??? But it’s fun to learn more about yourself 🙂
Patience. Someone please tell me whether it’s good or bad, ’cause I can’t keep waiting to learn the answer on my own.
My mother says it’s a virtue. Someone I once interviewed with told me they wanted people with little of it. I feel impatience every second of my life, and every day I’m advised to reverse my ways. Not only do I hate being told how to be, but I also hate getting mixed signals. Is it good to be patient because it increases your passion levels, or is it bad because others tend to dislike that trait in people?
I can say this much: it would be VERY HARD for someone to adjust perfectly to different situations such that they are just patient or just impatient enough.
Today was the first day I got to use my September MBTA monthly pass on the train. It’s officially fall.
This year, more than any other year, I am looking forward to the holidays. Every other year I have been too preoccupied about school and work, but not this year. My plan is to enjoy my new found free time to the fullest for the next 4 months, and do some serious decorating at home for each holiday from now until Christmas. By November my basement will be 100% finished and my life will be in complete order. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?
I hope you get to enjoy these few months as well. It’s the last year of the decade, so let’s kiss it goodbye with a smile in our hearts 🙂 (cheesy, right? Just go with it)
Jaden & Will SmithThey played the new The Karate Kid (2010) movie on my flight this morning, with Will Smith‘s son in it. As I watch little Jaden Smith I felt a rush of emotion and nostalgia: his facial expressions resembled those of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air!!! It was really uncanny! Tom & Colin HanksIt’s the same feeling I got when I saw The Great Buck Howard with Tom Hanks‘s son, Colin Hanks. It was like watching The Money Pit all over again. I am so excited to see that the stars from my childhood are being reborn before my very eyes.
It really feels like the rebirth of an era. The physical comeback of a wonderful period when actors had to earn their place in the spotlight. When celebrities were so beautiful and perfect they transported you to a fantasy world. When fame was something only talented people were worthy of experiencing. I know it’s too much to hope for just because of the fact that child actors remind me of their parents, but I can’t seem to let it go.
Kathleen TurnerAs the stars we have come to know and love grow older and/or sick, we can’t help but attaching ourselves to our memory of them. Michael Douglas, Michael J Fox, Sharon Stone, Mel Gibson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kirstie AlleyKirstie Alley, John Travolta, Kathleen Turner, Dustin Hoffman, and does anybody even remember Dudley Moore? [Deep sigh] Now, obviously there is nothing we can do about actors growing older, nor would we want to. Actors are very capable of reinventing themselves constantly and many manage to Michael Douglas successfully remain current for subsequent generations. I guess my point is that we will never get young and beautiful Kathleen Turner back, or handsome and sexy Michael Douglas, or funny and quirky Kirstie Alley (without the stupid fat jokes embedded in). Gone are the days when these stars graced our screens. We really want to think of them the way they were in their prime, and it’s hard for us to face the reality that their greatness will only live in our memory… and in movies for posterity. So if I can fantasize about their reincarnation by watching their offspring, then, gosh darn it, I will indulge in that pleasure.
Seeing our stars being born again gives me hope that the world of entertainment will not be downgraded and obfuscated by the celebrity of Snooki, Paris Hilton, Heidi Montag, and Flavor Flave. If that is all the “talent” we are harvesting, then what will our children have to look up to?
I think I’m getting old. I have noticed that I am becoming increasingly aware of how high 33 thousand feet actually are, and that I occasionally tear up right before take off when I think of what my husband would do if anything were to happen to me. I had never had these feelings before this year.
Over the past four weeks I have been on 10 flights, 40% of which were international, adding up to approximately 20 thousand miles. That’s more than I normally travel in a year under normal circumstances. At the same time, it is safe to say that I am a seasoned flyer: I have been on a plane every year since I was 7 years old (maybe even before that). I am used to the routine, I know how to pack compactly, I even have my toiletries 100% duplicated and ready to go at any given point in time, and I know that turbulence is just caused by a few clouds. So why the sudden dread to fly? Why the fear that something will happen? Why the tears?
Brian & Ina
I guess I’m just getting to a point in my life where I would leave a lot behind. If something were to happen to me, my husband’s life would change forever. He doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to be happy and to have a great life. If I were gone, his wonderful spirit would be destroyed. I guess it just gets harder: once I have children, my worries will increase exponentially. Maybe I’ll get to a point some time when I just refuse to take this kind of risk, and just not travel. Could that ever happen?
It’s funny to think how not-worried I am about myself when it comes to my own doom: when I die, I will be dead. Whether I did the things I wanted to do in life is so irrelevant. I can only think of what would happen with my greatest achievement to date: creating a happy life for my husband. I just love him so much.
Alright, getting on the last leg of my flight. I’ll get some McDonald’s for lunch to eat on the plane. So yummy and yucky at the same time, isn’t it?
It’s a cloudy morning in Texas. Although the temperature reading is 81 degrees, the wind chill puts it somewhere in the high 70s. Call me crazy, but I was getting goosebumps, so I got a fleece for my legs 🙂 See the picture below. Fleece in 80 degree weather
It feels good to be “home.” The quotation marks are there because I am not from Texas, I’ve never lived in Texas, and this is the first time in my life I’ve stepped into this house. But what makes it home is that my parents live here, that the glasses are the same as the ones I drank out of growing up, that the Persian rug in the living room was the same one we had in our study back home, that the sitting stool in the bathroom is the one that belonged in my sister’s bedroom vanity, and other things like that. I could entertain myself for hours just walking around and pointing at familiar pieces.
Home is a funny concept. I am from Venezuela, but that’s not really home anymore, is it? Don’t get me wrong, I do get a sense of familiarity and warmth whenever I visit, but I have not lived there for one minute of my adult life, which, in a few years, will outnumber my number of childhood and teenage years. Right now, home is wherever my loved ones are. I can go to my cousin Lara Croft’s apartment in Caracas and feel at home, or visit my mother in Texas and feel at home. Or just go anywhere where my husband Brian is and feel at home.
When people ask me where I’m from I have two answers for them: if they appear to be intrigued by the accent, I’ll say Venezuela; but if I’m in a different state and they know I don’t live there I’ll say Boston. It’s all in the context of the question.
I was telling my neighbor Ethel, who is from Pennsylvania, how strange it was that our kids will answer “I’m from Norwood” to that question. She admitted to have marveled at that, too. As parents, we control where our kids are from. It’s a little mind boggling, isn’t it?
Now I’m just rambling. Procrastinating, I guess.
If you haven’t visited your home, I encourage you to take the time. Most times it won’t be a place, but people.
ina
I’ll leave you with the lyrics to a great song by Miranda Lambert called “The house that built me”. Watch the song on youtube here.
Miranda Lambert♫♪ I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine ♫♪
♫♪ Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard ♫♪
♫♪ I thought if I could touch this place or feeling
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me ♫♪
♫♪ Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream ♫♪
♫♪ I thought if I could touch this place or feeling
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me ♫♪
♫♪ You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am ♫♪
♫♪ I thought if I could touch this place or feeling
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me ♫♪
After 15 min of hard manual labor, I managed to get my luggage all the way from my house to the train station this morning. My heavy companion will be coming with me to Texas at the end of the work day today.
I am very satisfied with how I left things at home: cleaned the bathroom, washed and folded ALL the laundry, cleaned the general areas, tidied up my room (meaning the guest room, where most of my clothes reside), spent some time with Brian, and spent some time with Fred and Ethel’s baby girl (whom we’ll call Goldie Locks). It was just a great state in which to leave my daily life before abandoning it for a week.
I’m looking forward to seeing my parents, my sister Monica Geller, and her babies, whom we’ll call Hansel (2) and Gretel (4). It will be nice to hang out with them outside of regular holiday visits. It’ll be almost as if I lived there. I can’t wait!
Nothing much else to report. I guess that as my life unwinds to an untangled noodle there will be less and less to say… Until we start remodelling my basement! That will be an adventure in itself! So stay tuned 😉
For the past 3 years I have been looking forward to something or been eager for something to end: getting married, buying a house, finishing school, coming back home from work travels. So what happens when all of those things come and go?
The answer may be all too predictable: new things take their place, right? But what happens when you truly reach the end of the tunnel or get through the storm, and all you find is peace and still waters as far as the eye can see?
I am there. I have arrived. No more school. No more work travel. No more commitments. I actually feel relaxed, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My friendship hardships have been positively resolved, and I truly have nothing to worry about.
The one thing that has the potential of ruining the moment: the reconstruction of my basement. But even that is something I’m very much looking forward to. Bring it on!
Today I’m at the beach with Brian’s company, and it’s quite the day for it. I’m relaxed, I have chocolate cake and ice cream in my tummy, and I could fall asleep any second in the shade of the beach umbrella and warmth of the ocean breeze.
The past few weeks have been quite taxing on my schedule. I spent a whole week taking my very last MBA course (I’m done!!), spent a week in Norway for work meetings, and spent a week in Wisconsin for training. I got to be home this week, but I’ll be off to Texas to visit my family next week.
Warning: the following text is a summary of the plans for my week. It will be dry, boring, and it will make you want to shut down your computer at once. Enter at your own risk!
So what did I do with my one week at home, you ask? What any girl who just got out of school would do: fill it up with social stuff!
Last Sunday I had a marvelous breakfast with @na in a little cafe in Holliston called Pejamajo.
On Monday I ordered pizza with my wonderful husband, Brian, and went to bed early.
On Tuesday I went out with Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi to an amazing restaurant in Chinatown called Penang and to see Eat Pray Love (2010).
On Wednesday I was supposed to have piano lesson, but it was moved to Saturday, so I hung out with Brian. We ordered pizza again (I was too weak and tired to fight it) and watched parts of Back to the Future III (1990).
On Thursday I went out with Charlotte to a little hole in the wall, albeit ranked in Zagat since 2003, Algerian/Mediterranean restaurant called Baraka Cafe.
On Friday, today, I’m having lunch with Angela somewhere with a Restaurant Week Menu. At night, I’ll have dinner with my husband (low key) and then I’m off to sing my lungs out at Karaoke at Joy Asia in Marlborough with Tori Amos, Daria and Shakira.
On Saturday I have my piano lesson in the morning, then lunch with Miranda Hobbes (my good friend from high school who is a very professional fashionista), then I’ll probably stop by at a BBQ in honor of one of my college professors, and then I’ll hang out with Alicia Keys.
On Sunday my husband’s company is having their annual summer event, so I guess I’ll be putting my bathing suit and flip flops on and go meet his co-workers. Well, that’s a recipe for disaster if I’ve ever seen one.
On Monday I’ll pack.
On Tuesday I’ll leave for Texas to visit my family for a week.
As you can see, I did not leave ANY room for boredom. Somehow this has completely energized me. Especially the part about going to karaoke tonight. We were regulars at Joy Asia back in the day (pre-MBA), and it makes me feel that maybe I CAN get my social life back! It’s all falling into place so neatly, I can’t help but feel excited about this coming fall! Just me, my job, and a blank slate of a calendar.
I hope you all enjoy this weekend, and have good stories to tell for your own blogs!
Un Clavo Saca Otro Clavo: One nail drives out another (reference)
The “situation” with Alicia Keys was driving me out of my mind on Tuesday evening, to the point of not being able to enjoy my dinner and a movie outing with my friends Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi. I’ll devote a separate entry to the movie Eat Pray Love (2010), as there is much to be said (little of which is good).
I woke up Wednesday morning with Alicia Keys on my mind. I made an executive decision to distract myself and not obsess over it. So I asked myself: what was I obsessing over before this issue came along? Ah, my issue with Charlotte!
My friend Charlotte and I have not been in speaking terms for a while. Mostly one-sided (mine). The parallel between the two situations was bothering me: Alicia Keys wanted to shun me from her life, just like I had done to Charlotte. Only, Charlotte didn’t really complain when it happened. It almost felt mutual. With Alicia Keys, I went full force on her to try to find out what was wrong and what I could do to fix it.
So maybe now was a good time to call myself on my hypocrisy and mend things with Charlotte. So, I spent all day obsessing about how to talk to her for the first time in 8 months.
I spent all day talking to friends: Enrique Montoya, Ellen DeGeneres, Monica Geller, Tori Amos. I had to make sure I was doing the right thing by breaking the silence. Unfortunately, the person whose opinion I cared about the most, my husband Brian, was not available for comment. He was in meetings all day, and my annoying constant calls were not going anywhere. I had to wait until we got home to discuss the situation.
There are MANY levels of psychology at play with my situation with Charlotte, which I won’t get into (mostly because they make me look really pathetic). All I can say is that my problems with her evolved from the moment I started thinking about it, until the moment I finally decided to make the call. It was actually kind of cool how my friends helped me piece it all together: how she feels, how her behavior can be explained, how MY behavior can be explained, how a deep conversation would go, how a lighter approach would work.
So I made the call, and we are having dinner tonight at Asmara in Cambridge. It’s this great Ethiopian place I fell in love with a couple of years ago. You had me at Mango juice.
So, like they say, un clavo saca a otro clavo (a nail drives out another nail). One obsession quickly took precedence over another. If my issues with one friend can serve some kind of purpose to fix another friendship, then it won’t all be for naught.
I’m hanging out with Alicia Keys on Saturday afternoon. Maybe things will be a little clearer then.
I am very very upset. A good friend, whom we call Alicia Keys on this blog, just blew me off for getting together for the third time in the past 3 months. I am sure there is a logical explanation for the trouble coordinating our calendars, but without an outright clear reason in sight, my mind is bound to embark on a self-bashing journey.
Possible reasons why my friend won’t agree to see me:
Mea Culpa:
I did something to piss her off
I behave selfishly: I talk about myself too much / I don’t ask her about her life enough
Neglect: I don’t call her enough
I lack the self-awareness to list the correct reason on this list, which is a problem in itself
Her Culpa:
She’s busy and getting together with me is low on the list
She’s mad at me and doesn’t think there’s much point to discussing it with me
She’s embarrassed that she has blown me off so much already and prefers the phone over facing me
She has done something I may disapprove of and doesn’t want to look at herself in this mirror
Something personal/private is really going on in her life and she’s not interested or inclined to share it
I’ve been on both sides of the equation: I have blown off friends, and I’ve been on the receiving end of a slowly dying friendship. Karma is, indeed, a bitch.
I guess all I can do is be patient. If I’m being blown off on purpose, it will be obvious when communications stop altogether. If the friendship is worth it and meant to be, our paths will cross again and things will be alright. Maybe even stronger than before, after the hardship.
On the other hand, it makes you wonder whether things could have been remediated by talking them out. All too often we let friendships go because we won’t talk about our issues. At the same time, it’s crucial to identify whether the friendship has reached a toxicity level that may be unbearable to at least one of the parties. That takes knowing yourself and knowing what you can and cannot change about yourself. It takes being honest and not victimizing your position.
If Alicia has decided that our friendship is toxic and the fundamentals that make a friendship work are just not there (such as mutual trust, respect and unconditional be-there-ness), then I’ll have no choice but to respect that. After all, friendships are a two-way street.
I sure hope it’s a fixable issue… I just won’t know until we talk again. In the meantime, I am just dying a little bit inside every minute that goes by.
I’m sure it’s nothing… I’m just blowing this way out of proportion.
MBTA Commuter RailI’m on the train on my way to the office. It has been nearly 3 weeks since I’ve been there, and I find myself dragging my feet. 370+ unanswered emails impatiently await me, and I’m not looking forward to our inevitable encounter.
I was asleep by 10 last night, but that didn’t help me get up at 5:45 as I had planned. My alarms went off in the wrong order (the backup alarm rang first) which threw me completely off. Also, I bought a new thermometer (I take my temperature at 5am for a few specific days each month), which is a piece of junk that won’t light up in the dark and which was rebelliously displaying my temperature in Celsius! It was hard to fall asleep after that. I’ll be returning it to Rite Aid. I might just order the exact same one I’ve been using for 2 years off the internet (I stopped using it when it stopped making beeping sounds and a new battery didn’t bring them back).
To add insult to injury, I have Red Sox tickets for tonight and the forecast says rain rain rain.
So I’m tired, lethargic and anxious about the uncertainty of my plans for tonight.
On the bright side, I’ll see my friends at work today! Unless they wimp out due to the weather and leave me all alone in the office. Wouldn’t that be the cherry on my sundae?… Or mondae, I guess.
After years and years of hearing about Fantasy Football (about 5, to be exact), I have decided to stand up for my right to learn about football and figure out what the fuss is all about.
I am currently sitting in my next door neighbors’, Fred and Ethel’s, basement with 10 other guys and 1 girl, drafting picks for our fantasy league teams.
Drafting for Fantasy Football
I expressed my interest late in the game, so I didn’t get a team in Fred’s league. However, I decided to attend the draft anyway and observe the dynamics of the game. While they all look through their books, print-outs and cheat-sheets, I went on my mini laptop and did an NFL Fantasy Football Mock Draft. These start every minute, and you can just practice picking members for your team with 10 other teams online. I did it just once, and this is what my team looks like.
I’d like to introduce you, for the first time ever, to the Norwood Nutshellls!:
Position
Player
Team
QB
Tom Brady
New England Patriots
RB
Knowshon Moreno
Denver Broncos
RB
Matt Forte
Chicago Bears
WR
Hines Ward
Pittsburgh Steelers
WR
Robert Meachem
New Orleans Saints
RB/WR
Jerricho Cotchery
New York Jets
TE
Brent Celek
Philadelphia Eagles
K
Nate Kaeding
San Diego Chargers
Team D
New Orleans Saints
Ind. D
James Laurinaitis
St. Louis Rams
Bench:
Position
Player
Team
QB
Matt Schaub
Houston Texans
WR
Donald Driver
Green Bay Packers
WR
Vincent Jackson
San Diego Chargers
RB
Thomas Jones
Kansas City Chiefs
WR
Austin Collie
Indianapolis Colts
RB
Willis McGahee
Baltimore Ravens
Sorry about the formatting… don’t know why it’s putting out those spaces there. But you get the idea.
Is this a good team? WHO THE HECK KNOWS??? I just wanted to make sure I got Tom Brady 🙂
I don’t know what the rules are yet. Fred and his manly manly friends were voting on the final rules of the league, which I did not understand at all. So I’ll wait for Fred’s email with the final rules. After all, I’m not really playing for money… just for the experience. We’ll see what happens.
I guess this is what life without school looks like. At the very least, I hope that this gives me a reason to watch sports with Brian.
I wouldn’t be surprised if I found that I have already used that title in past posts. It just seems like we’re always waiting for something, doesn’t it?
I thought I’d be happy when I finished the MBA. Well, that day has come and gone, and even though I did enjoy the perk of having no homework to do last weekend, I still feel incomplete.
I’ll be happy in September when I’m done traveling and my calendar opens up to a world of possibilities.
Sigh… Even I know that statement is false and flawed in every way. I know this like I know the sun will set tonight. I will not be happy at all. I will be writing the next entry in the “I’ll be happy when…” series.
Does it ever end? Do we ever stop wanting a change and ever just admire our accomplishments and those things that make us happy to be in our own shoes? Do we ever even want that day to come at all?
They say that if they put all of your family and friends’ problems in a hat, you are most likely to wish you fished out your own problems. So, in a sick way, we want our problems all to ourselves: we know them, we’ve nurtured them, and we still have faith that we’ll overcome them some day. That’s why they call them YOUR problems.
So, let’s just put things into perspective: you are healthy, responsible, loved and successful. Savor that for a while before a REAL problem strikes and it gives you an actually valid reason to whine about.
MonologueI had no plans for the weekend. If you know anything about me, you would know that having no plans is a deadly thing for my state of mind, and that doing SOMETHING is always preferable to sitting around at home.
I tried to make plans with friends for the weekend, but none panned out. Before I entered into a panic, I asked my husband out to an early movie. We saw Inception at the Legacy Place cinema in Dedham, MA. We sat in the luxury level and spent a fortune on seats and food, but it was a great experience (especially if you don’t do it too often, it was quite special). Afterwards, I beat my fear of rejection and I asked him if he wanted to go to Barnes & Noble with me. I love going there to browse. I usually walk out with a brand new idea and excitement build-up. To my surprise, he said yes! We stopped by the house to pick up his computer, and he sat at the Starbucks doing his thing while I lost myself in the sea of books, or, like I like to call them, “other brains.”
Just when I thought I would not find a new idea, and was ready to go home, I happened by the Theater/Drama section. I rushed to it and found a book of Monologues. What a challenge! Learning a monologue by heart and figuring out how to perform it in a realistic way. I used to be pretty good in high school theater, and I had a knack for memorizing long piece of texts. So I picked it up, bought it, and in a half hour I had memorized the following monologue from the play Convergence: (I’m typing it from memory, by the way)
I wonder what has become of you. I wonder how my memory would stand up alongside the living version of you. I wonder if we would pass by each other and never know it. I wonder if we already have. These unfinished letters are a way to cut through the loneliness. To overcome Kibera which is not at all a lonely place. Is it not dissonant when we feel the most alone when we are surrounded by nothing but people? This all, all of it, sounds so formal. I hate to think about you, of all people, formally. Which is to say even the thought of you makes me feel safe. We can, both of us, pinpoint the moment it stopped being safe, when life informed us we weren’t the only ones on the planet. But the time before. That was lovely. So perhaps it’s not you but a confident, happy, innocent version of myself that I miss. Perhaps that’s who you are to me. Perhaps that is what this perpetual, habitual letter is all about? Perhaps.
Who knows, maybe I’ll create a youtube channel and perform them as realistically as I can. Wouldn’t that be fun? That would definitely be a challenge, wouldn’t it? My creative juices are dying to get out, and I guess I’m experimenting with different ways to do so. This one is particularly great, because I haven’t done acting in so long… it really takes me back.
Whatever the case, I’m trying to become comfortable with the fact that I ENJOY jumping from idea to idea, without committing to sticking to any one in particular. That has been a really difficult thing to admit for me. I thought I was focused and ambitious. Turns out that I am more of a flake. I’m trying to embrace my flakiness in my hobbies, so I hope you are not surprised if next week I decide to give a shot at something else 🙂
Anyways, I’ve had a great weekend so far. I’d like to publicly thank Brian for agreeing to go out with me. It might be hard for some people to understand, but introverts like to be in the house and to be left alone. When you know the answer will be “no” to a question like going out somewhere, and you have the issues with rejection that I do, you dread asking the question in the first place. So it took courage of me to overcome my fear and ask anyway, and it took courage of him to overcome his anxieties about leaving his comfort zone to take me out. There’s a lot of courage going around this weekend, and I’m thankful that we could both overcome it and have a great time in the process 🙂
I have been smiling since I woke up this morning… isn’t that strange? I’m on the train to work right now, and I’m still smiling. Let me tell you what I did this weekend, and maybe you can help me decipher the mystery behind the smile:
Friday: worked from home. Did laundry, cleaned up the house, watched movies, went to Friendly’s for dinner with my love. Saturday: Woke up at the crack of 9am to cram for the Math MTEL test. Took the test in the afternoon. Got back home to Bertucci’s and movies. Practiced piano for a whole hour. Fell asleep on the couch. Sunday: Woke up (still on the couch) at the crack of 8:30am. Borrowed neighbors’ SUV to go to Home Depot and rent a Pressure Washer. I spent the rest of the morning cleaning the back deck, front steps, front rock-wall (aka playing with squirty water). At 2:30 I cuddled up to a nice soft fleece and some pop corn to watch the Spain vs Netherlands World Cup Final (GO SPAIN!). Fell asleep on the couch again. Woke up at 8pm to make copies of my passports so I’m ready to get them renewed today at lunch. I also prepared a skirt “outfit” to wear on Monday. Went to bed at 9:30pm, wrote in my little (physical) journal, and went to sleep. Monday morning: woke up at 6am, had breakfast on our newly cleaned deck, raked a little bit in the back yard (just a couple of minutes), showered, and got dressed/moisturized as I watched The Devil Wears Prada yet again (for the 6th time in the past week). Made it on the 7:25am train to work.
I don’t know what it is about that movie, but it really takes me to a different world. I should review it at some point. Actually, I’d really LOVE to read the book. I guess I’m just waiting until things calm down a little bit. I’m on a break from school right now, but it will start again in 2 weeks for just one more week and I’m DONE. After that, I have a couple of weeks of travel for work, and then I have to go full throttle on the basement renovations. I should actually be doing that right NOW… anyways… too busy to make reading a book my priority, as I would like to.
Whatever the case, I’m so happy right now. I am wearing a well thought-out outfit, I did something different with my hair, and I have plans for today: renew my passports, have lunch with friends (if they are available), and MAYBE do something this evening… although I haven’t really decided that yet… it’s kind of wacky and totally out there, and it’s not that close to my house… so I don’t know if I will… it really does sound kinda crazy… but I have the feeling I would like it. I don’t know… I’ll let you know what it is if I decided to do it.
Ok, I’m about to get to the station and lose wi-fi signal. Have a GREAT day!!!
Remember how I said that I put too much weight on my so-called hobbies? Well, I’ve been paying extra attention to that recently and it is quite disconcerting.
For example, I watched “The Devil Wears Prada” a couple of nights ago with my sister, whom we call Monica Geller, and I paid close attention to my feelings after the movie: I wanted to change my outlook on work wardrobe, I wanted to get skinny, I wanted to find a new job I could feel passionate about, I wanted to feel free to quit my job to pursue a bigger dream. As you can see, the movie triggered all these desires in me to be BETTER, more BEAUTIFUL, more PASSIONATE in my LIFE. Why couldn’t I just enjoy the movie and move on with my life? Why does everything have to apply to the rest of my life?
Another example: I was on the radio last night. I called up WBZ Dan Rea’s show to just jab about sun dresses and the heat. I really knocked it out of the park. He LOVED me. My thought: maybe I have a future in broadcasting.
Why can’t I just do something for FUN and that’s it???? It is OK to have meaningless fun that will not affect my entire future!!!!! Can my mind please stop racing???
… realize I forgot something at home when I’m already on my way.
Sometimes it’s my rings or sunglasses (I’ve actually turned around and gone back for those), other times it’s a book I wanted to read on the flight, and other times it’s an essential that I happened to take out of my travel kit at the last minute (like deodorant). Don’t you hate it when that happens?
My father would say “that’s a symptom to a lack of process.” Helpful, huh?
What’s most frustrating of all is the fact that these inconveniences can’t be blamed on others: they are 100% self-inflicted. And we keep doing them over and over and over!
What other thing do you tend to do to yourself that you hate it when you do? After missing the train this morning (TWICE), my husband’s answer would probably be “oversleeping.” [shaking head] When will we learn?
Last night I commuted to school after work for the last time. My last class will be a 1-week intensive course, for which I will take vacation time off, during the last week of July. Then, my life calendar will be empty once more.
Today I crossed out the second-to-last week of class off my countdown doodle on my work white board, and it is a beautiful sight.
If I measured my level of happiness based on how many times I smile during the day, how many times I adopt a peppy attitude towards the little things, or how few negative thoughts come to my mind in the 16 hours I am awake, I’d probably have to conclude that I am not a very happy individual.
No, this is not another whiny entry on how miserable I am, and how nothing seems to make it better, although I can see why you would think that.
Reality is that I have not reached that point in the past couple of weeks where I feel comfortable in my own skin. However, I think I have found something that is going to add some joy to my thoughts, some spring to my steps, some rainbows to my days. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I had my very first piano lesson!
First off, I got the name off of Craigslist, which is a bit sketchy considering mass murderers have advertised there. So I took a couple of escorts with me, and went to meet a lovely Japanese girl who graduated from Berklee College of Music, and who was as delightful as can be – all despite her having exactly the same name as the main singer of a girl pop band in Japan (weird, huh?). She went over the basics and made me play Ode to Joy with the right hand, then with the left hand. I was in heaven! I had so much fun!
To top it all off, she said I could email her a few songs (by… say, Taylor Swift, maybe?) and she would arrange a piano accompaniment for them so I could sing along to her songs as I played. Isn’t that wonderful??? She also showed me that she has the score to “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson, of which, of course, I only know the Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson country version. But I told her to keep it in my repertoire to revisit at a later date.
It was the most fun I have had since my trip to Washington DC for my anniversary. What can I say, it was just a delightful way to get me out of my blues.
It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone to hear that I have had a pretty rough couple of weeks. I changed careers in my mind 3 times, and slowly swirled into a depression that reached rock bottom yesterday. Now, I don’t want you to worry about me, depression happens some times, and it’s the way my brain likes to “reset” itself. I always come out of it. What’s interesting to see is what idea I got in my head this time to snap out of it.
Last night I had two very meaningful conversations. One with a good friend, whom I call Alicia Keys on this blog, and one with my husband, Brian. Alicia was extremely supportive and lent me a good ear when I needed it most. I explained to her that it has been really hard for me to find the right balance in my life. When I’m too busy and unhappy I tend to keep my calendar clear. Since I have been feeling that way for a few months, I have pretty much alienated my own friends and stopped making plans, all for the sake of keeping a free schedule. And when the day comes when I have absolutely nothing to do, like yesterday, I crash into loneliness and hopelessness. Some people may find it relaxing to have nothing to do, but I find it more rewarding to plan my time and spend time with friends… that’s one thing I finally learned about myself yesterday.
Then there was the conversation with Brian. I told him I was scared shitless of wasting my time. Of just “finding things to do to pass the time” <– what a useless life I'd lead that way. He thinks I should stop thinking of a grand goal, and just start doing things I enjoy doing. Stop trying to think of something to do that will become my calling in life, and just start enjoying the little things. He suggested a bunch of things to do, like teaching Spanish to adults, or volunteering at the TV station, or learning to play an instrument. That conversation, combined with the one I had with Alicia's, was instrumental in getting me out of the dog house.
This morning I woke up at 9am, and went to the gym. I took a power yoga class from 9:45 to 11am. Then went to a family picnic for father's day, and came home eager to PLAN my week.
I also went on eBay and bid on a 49-key basic (children's) keyboard just 10 min before the auction was over. Plus shipping, it cost $25 in total. Now that I have an instrument to practice at home, I went ahead and signed up for piano classes at an academy nearby. Wouldn't that be fun? That's the point: it's FUN. No goal, no grander plan, just do something that I would look forward to every week. Wouldn't that be a nice change?
So that's the latest update… no more free schedule — I have to find a balance between relaxation, socializing, fun and work… and I can't do it while avoiding the world.
My head really goes a million miles a minute, doesn't it? Trust me, it's harder to live it than to read about it. It's crazy in here.
I’m feeling a little bit better today than I did yesterday, and I felt a little better yesterday than I did the day before. I think some would call this progress.
I have had so much on my mind these past couple of weeks. Applications to teaching positions, finding out about the profession, finding out about OTHER professions, plus being sick, it’s all just crashing on me at once, and I’m just completely weakened by it.
Christine, Halfawake, Erin, thank you so much for your comments. I appreciate the advice. Yes, I find blogging therapeutic, I will look into the inspirational quotes website, and Erin, I learned to never take a book recommendation from you again! I’m joking. I’ll check out your book rec. I like inspirational stories, they really lift you up. It’s like when you see those depression drug commercials: I see the people on the screen moping around and not feeling like doing anything, and I feel like taking them by the hand and taking them out for a walk or just to do SOMETHING. The ads definitely make me want to take action, not take medication 😉 If you got how this relates to inspirational stories, I’ll give you a medal.
I’m happy to report that I have 2 weeks left of school. Isn’t that unbelievable? I will finish Summer I on June 30th, and then I’ll just have a week-long intensive class on the last week of July, and it’s finito. No more school for me. For goodness sake, I have been in school longer than I have been married. It’s definitely time to graduate and get on with my life. I look forward to having evenings off. Ahh, that’ll be the life.
Here are some things I’m looking forward to:
Trip to Orlando next week (yeeeaahhh)
Trip to Austin in 2 weeks (gonna go see my babies! — niece & nephew)
Finishing school (as mentioned above)
Getting bored so I can think of fun things to fill my time with, for instance:
Acting (I used to be quite good in my prime)
Singing (not AWESOME at it, I just love doing it)
Teaching Spanish to friends and Brian
Reading books / Join a bookclub
Writing more
Exercising (it’s time to start using that gym membership)
Seeing friends more
Something else I haven’t come up with yet
Those are just some things I think about. However, there is no escaping a very hard truth: finishing school will NOT solve all of my problems. I’ll still be back here blogging about what to do with my life and how confused I am. I’m starting to think I’ll need “settle down and stop thinking so much” medication… OR I’ll have to figure out how to control my hyperactive mind.
A friend asked me recently if I had ever met anybody who jumped from idea to idea as quickly as I did, and someone who actually took action on it, the way I do. I do have one friend who doesn’t know what to do with her life and sometimes takes some kind of action to find out. But she’s probably 50% as obsessed as I am. Am I really alone out there? Is there anybody else out there who would like to take crazy classes with me, or change careers with me? Mmmm.
I think there should be an app akin to the one that checks your drunken state before you text or email someone, but that prevents you from blogging if you’re feeling down… Like right now.
I am tired, nervous, anxious, nervous, down, nervous. It’s not a good nervous, though. It’s a level of stress that I’m not comfortable with. Why can’t I translate nervousness to excitement? Anxiety to anticipation? A frown to a smile?
That got me thinking that there must be a formula out there for an immediate pick-me-up. Right, drugs, but I’m thinking of something more natural. Maybe a book of jokes, good quotes, a Voicemail from your husband saying how much he loves you, I mean, there has got to be a way to beat the blues.
Taylor Swift reads her myspace comments when she’s having a bad day… Too bad not all of us have an unlimited arsenal of love or a fan club.
Something’s bothering me, but I know it doesn’t bother everyone, and I wish I were one of those people. They are happy people.
We all know about my infatuation with Taylor Swift. If you’ve read my past entry about Girl Crushes, you’d understand that there are certain women whom I admire. I want to be near them, I want to talk to them, I want their happiness to rub off on me.
Warning: The next 3 paragraphs are the background of how I got to this point and it’s kinda boring… you can skip to “So what bothers me about this?” to not waste precious seconds of your life.
Yesterday Taylor hosted a Meet & Greet for what ended up being 14.5 hours of just meeting, hugging, kissing fans and taking pictures with them (in Nashville, TN, for Country Fest — which I did not attend). It was broadcasted live on the web, so I logged on a couple of times throughout the day to see how she was doing. She’s just so genuinely appreciative of her fans, and she has an amazing self-awareness, uncharacteristic of a typical 20 year old, that makes her see that she’s a huge influence in young girls (plus me). She knows she’s being watched and people hang onto her every word, so she always makes sure to be positive, encouraging, and self-esteem raising. She’s what I think a real-life Barbie doll would be: considerate, ethical and just sweet.
After the broadcast, it gave you a “suggested” video, which was a 1-hour webchat with Taylor at her house. She read questions and answered them from her personal Mac webcam. That was in 2008.
Then last night I had a dream about her. There was a Taylor Swift camp, and all the girls were there to meet Taylor and spend time with her. I remember waking up and thinking that I had to go back and do something… I don’t remember what it was… I was writing a book? making a scrapbook? I don’t remember, but I needed to go back and finish it! It was so real.
So what bothers me about this? I lied in bed last night for about 20 min thinking about what it is that I love about Taylor so much and why do I find being star-struck so frustrating at the same time. I know that I love that she is doing something she loves to do and that she’s really good at. That’s why this is not just a celebrity crush, I also have this kind of infatuation for others that love what they do and do it well despite adversity, like my sister-in-law, who is yet to be christianed with a new name on this blog. She’s a teacher, and she knew she wanted to do this all her life. She puts up with the downs because this is IT for her. I guess I wish I were so sure about my life path as Taylor and sis-in-law are.
I was trying to think what would be the end result of my soul search. How would it feel? I couldn’t come up with anything. I just can’t see myself being perfectly content with just one thing. I am always thinking, jumpy, nervous, hating everything, wishing I were somewhere else. I could not picture a single scenario where I was happy and content and static. For some reason that’s how I define happiness: do something you like, do it well, live worry-free for the rest of your life. Even in my dreams I can’t accomplish that.
I am also nervous because I have been thinking about teaching versus working at my husband’s company, and my husband’s company is winning. I couldn’t have foreseen feeling like this in a million years. I guess the money issue is really a big one, especially right now. If I could make some money and save up, maybe I would be ready for a career in teaching. I really need to take a good look at my finances at some point.
So, I didn’t have any real conclusion. Apparently I am doomed to wandering in anxiety for the rest of eternity. What a life…
This whole week has been an emotional roller coaster. It started out with job applications and a full blown freak out over this career change. I talked to some teachers in my life (sister and sister-in-law) for a LONG time and picked their brains about teaching, the environment, the nuisances, the absolute stupidness of the administration, and parents’ intrusive entitlement.
I can’t say I full grasp how difficult a profession it is without having been in those shoes, but I can say that it did not deter me from trying it. Here’s my bottom line: every time I hit a slump in my job, I think “I am going to try teaching now!” It’s just something I need to try. Worst case scenario: I have the worst year of my life, I get it out of my system, and never try it again. No more “what might have been.” Best case scenario: I try it, I love it, and wonder why it took me so long to take the plunge.
Everyone agrees that it will be really hard for me to find a job as a teacher for this fall. So I’m going to pursue that job at my husband’s company and keep doing the teaching thing on the side. It’s a win-win: I don’t give up on teaching, just become better prepared, while I’m making money to pay for the licensing education. Plus, I get to try another company out. It’s just time.
We’ll see what happens, but I can say that my mood has definitely improved. Whatever happens, I’m OK with it.
My sister, whom I call Monica Geller, had a very good piece of advice.
She said that Brian just wants to see me happy. If teaching is something that I really wanted to do, I should be excited and looking forward to the process. I shouldn’t be moping around saying how scared out of my mind I am. That gives the impression that I am having second thoughts, and he will feel the need to rescue me.
I thought that was a GREAT point. I have been so scared about the change, that I have not enjoyed the fact that I might be changing careers to something more creative, exciting and fulfilling than what I have been doing for the past several years. I think it’s time to start getting excited about this! It’s time to buckle down and study for the Math MTEL, and interview more teachers and find out what else there is to know about the process.
It’s time to hold my chin up high, and start ENJOYING my future career from NOW!
I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out. I am freaking out.
Over the weekend I submitted a few applications for Math positions near my hometown. I even submitted one for Northeastern University. I submitted a couple more today. I was (and still am) very very nervous, and I hadn’t been able to talk to my husband, Brian, in full about this yet. He was sick all weekend and it was just a bad time to talk.
Last night I told him how nervous and scared I was. I guess I was expecting him to tell me that it was going to be OK and that I was doing all the right things, but instead, he revealed his true concerns (which is OK, it was just not what I needed to hear). He asked me what things I needed in a job that I am not getting from my current one. My answers:
Interaction with people: All of my interaction is with people over the phone or email. I do not work with anybody in this office.
Recognition for a job well done: I don’t care about what I do, I don’t get appreciation when I do it, and I get the impression that my boss doesn’t care about it either. So why am I doing it?
Brian then went on to say that those things might be available in his company at a position that he thinks I would be great at. He said he knew that’s not what I wanted to hear, but he thought I was really good at project management and I would be working with a lot of people and clients every day. He said that every person who works in that team at his office actually worked in my company at one point or another, and now they LOVE their jobs. He thinks this change might have a more positive effect on me.
I rolled over away from him.
I would hate to wake up one day two years from now and realize that I am now two more years into a career I don’t like or have ever enjoyed. It’s even worse, though, because now I’d be in a company where my own husband works and it might not look great on him if I quit after two years. Also, it’ll be harder to leave a new job, rather than an old one. I am afraid that if I don’t give teaching a shot now, I will always have that as my potential Plan B, and always go through this freak-out every time I think about changing careers.
Is it really so wrong to try this out for a year or so? Would it hurt anyone if I just changed now? If I didn’t like it, then who cares. I’ll come back to corporate. My experience and education are not going anywhere. I have demonstrated consistency and excellence in performance for 7 years. I could always spin the year I spent teaching as a wonderful experience and as something that was a dream of mine to try.
Would a company really not hire me for having taken a year off to try something new? Seriously? Am I going to become completely unmarketable if I take a year off to do this? Who’s to say I’d even want to go back to corporate?
I am so freaking out about this change right now. I’m hyperventilating and depressed and I can’t think straight.
For the past couple of months I have been settling into a new job. Same company, same desk, different boss, different duties. It was exciting to finally leave my old role after a couple of years working with the same team and task list, so I decided to give this new job a fair shot and stop looking for jobs outside during my transition.
Two months later, I am back where I left off on this Blog: unhappy, in need for a change, wondering what a career in teaching would be like.
After a lot of career soul searching, and a billion new hobbies (and blogs) later, I find myself still having no clue what I want to do, but in dire need for change. So I took some action.
I signed up for the Math MTEL to teach high school math, just to make sure I did get my teaching license this year, per my predefined goal. A week later, I opened up http://higheredjobs.com and saw an interesting posting for a full time faculty position teaching IT at a nearby college. I seized the golden opportunity and I applied for it.
The moments that followed were of utter horror. Did I really just apply for a job as a teacher? Am I serious about this? Am I ready to cut my pay in half? What if they called me back for an interview? What then? Am I really doing this? For real???
I completely freaked out. I realized that the only people who would not think this was a stupid idea would be my husband and my sister. My husband was sick, therefore unable to give me the kind of moral support he would have otherwise, and my sister thought it was “interesting.” They don’t disagree with the idea, but they both have the same concern I have: am I really leaving a secure job and big paycheck for a career I don’t even know I will like?
I hyperventilated for a while, and promised my husband that I would take a look at our finances to make sure we’ll be alright.
That’s pretty much where we stand. I applied to that job yesterday. I have homework to do for school, work to do for work, Math studying to do for the MTEL, and groceries to buy so we save some $ on eating out during the week. I’m quite busy, so I’ll keep it in the DL for a little bit and continue letting the idea simmer a bit in my head.
I got to go to the Taylor Swift concert on June 5th at Foxboro (Gillette) Stadium. It was great, but I had really crappy seats on the floor… or so I thought. At one point in the concert, Taylor came all the way down from the side seats touching, hugging, kissing fans while she made her way to the center of the stadium, where she sang some songs raised up on a platform. It just so happens that my crappy seats were on the second row of the aisle where she passed by. I put my hand out there and I actually touched Taylor. It’s all on tape! Here’s a frame of it:
ina, author!!!I am so excited to announce that today is my first month anniversary as a published writer (crowd cheers and rejoices). To mark the occasion, I wrote a bit about how social media is now an important part of our friendships and they require more care and loving than we initially expected. The link is below.
Here are all the articles I have written for The Daily Get Up so far.
If you like any of them, I invite you to comment in the article itself. That helps us get more people into the conversation! Warning: it can get heated! 🙂
Thanks to those of you who have been reading the articles for your support! I do hope you are enjoying them. If you are interested in becoming a contributor yourself, just go to The Daily Get Up website and click on the article called Your Voice Here: Get Published on The Daily Get Up.
I just found out, by pure happenstance, that I am now officially too old to audition for American Idol.
I was having lunch with a couple of coworkers, who are in their 40s/50s, and I mentioned to them how much I love to sing karaoke. The next comment was predictable: “so have you auditioned for Idol?” my answer is always the same “I would LOVE to do it one day! I know my voice is not good enough to make it through, I just want to go through the experience just to say I did it” — the next comment was NOT something I could have foreseen: “well, you better do it fast, the age limit is 28.” WHAT??????? I had NEVER heard of age limits for A.I. before!!! Why didn’t anybody tell me this before I went and turned 29 two weeks ago???
American Idol is one of those shows that I used to watch (we’re talking seasons 1 and 2), but I decided to stop. While a season was in progress, I would fantasize about being adored by Paula, Randy and Simon. I would pick a song to sing that would highlight my talents and make them go Wow. After the audition phase ended, though, the fantasy was over. If I wanted to hear people sing well, I’d buy a CD. I didn’t care much for the “look at us, we are awesome singers” part of the show. So I just stopped watching it altogether. I never discarded the possibility of auditioning, but I could never put enough importance on it to take a day off from work to stand in line for hours just to be heard for 10 seconds. Now that I can never do it, I am heartbroken.
I guess there ARE some things I’ll never get to do before I turn 30.
It’s hard coming back to blogging after so long of being out of touch. What to write? Can I just start talking as if time had not passed? Will there be a big expectation from my fans (hi mom) on my “comeback topic”? You might not believe it, but there is a lot of pressure inherent in a comeback. Now I know how Conan feels.
Something exciting did happen, though: I got rid of that piece of junk HTC Touch Pro and I got the. Blackberry Storm 2! I cannot tell you what a big difference it makes to have a phone that actually works. Even the touch screen keyboard works! (and I was never a believer before). I can BB message my family in Venezuela and I feel so in touch now! I heart my phone 🙂 Gotta love husbands who know just what will make you happy and just go and get it for you: a Tivo, a hair dryer hands-free holder, a Roomba vacuum cleaner, a laptop lapdesk for when I play Civ2 on the couch, a Slanket, a remote car starter, and now, a BB. Brian just has that gift of knowing what the perfect gift is. That’s one of his many many great qualities 🙂
On an unrelated note, I’m done with school for the semester, and get 1 week off before starting the summer session. I feel exhausted, but hopeful that I will manage to relax this week and clean up the house a little bit. My parents arrive on Thursday to join in the graduation festivities, so I need to make sure everything is pristine clean and organized.
Things at work are ok. I just emptied my inbox again and it’s time to start doing some real work. It’s been a really busy couple of weeks and I am so tired and ready for a break. Can’t wait for September to roll around: my calendar is FREE starting that month!
Could somebody please explain to me the appeal of bars? They seem to be the destination of choice on Friday and Saturday night (and Thursdays, too). I went to one for Alicia Keys’s 30th birthday, and I could not escape getting elbowed and stepped on twice. I don’t drink, so I got no artificial pleasure to lean on. I don’t dance, so you didn’t find me in the center of the mob pit. I hate the noise and crowd.
I have enjoyed bars from time to time. Especially if I feel like letting loose. But are you telling me regular bar-goers feel like letting loose every week? Really?
Ok, let’s just accept the possibility that I’m just too uptight for this stuff… I’m just not in the mood to change at the moment… ok?
For my first post in an ACTUAL blog/news website, I thought I’d just get over the fear that is the hump of actually submitting something… anything! so I just wrote a cute and witty post based on something my mother always said about earthquakes: that’s just the earth “rearranging” itself. It’s cute when she says it, I hope it came out cute when I passed on her wisdom to hundreds (or tens?… or… a handful?) of readers 🙂
I do have to say that it feels strange to be “edited.” The original writing was not much different than what was actually published, but for someone like me, who regards rejection as the ultimate slap in the face, it unavoidably feels like every sentence that got changed was “rejected” somehow. I guess this will be good therapy for my writer ego. After all, I am doing this to learn how to improve my writing. Any personal growth that comes from this experience will be a nice bonus!
Oh, and as for my last name and clear picture now being out there in the open… well… I guess… I have to get over it.
Enjoy and stay tuned for more 🙂 Oh, and COMMENT the heck out of the article! (not here, silly, on the dailygetup website! It shows them that you care 🙂 )
I have decided to have a good week. A "good week" is defined as a week where I actually plan to be productive, go to bed at a decent time, and get up wicked early to do something before work. THAT, my friend, is a good week.
So far so good: I went to bed at 9:30pm, woke up before my 5am alarm, had breakfast while I watched a fast-forwarded ACMs (Taylor Swift didn’t win, but we still love her anyway), then showered and was "ready for work" at 6am. Then proceeded to spend the next hour folding laundry and watching the Celebrity Apprentice. I love that show, so sue me.
Now I’m on my way to work (7:30am), and I’ve already been up for 2.5hrs. Today I’ll catch up with work email and tasks (it’s been rolling over me lately), and go to the gym with the husband afterwards.
In all truthfulness, though, I feel like I’m suspended in time. Like my real life will not begin until I’m done with MBA classes in August. My mother said that if I’ve done this for 3 years, I should be able to handle 3 more months. Why does it feel like these months are crawling by?
Ever had those days when you know exactly what you should be doing, but all your body wants to do is stay in bed and play Civilization II? Ok, maybe you should insert whatever your body does to relax in that last part, and you got my meaning.
It is 10:25am on a Saturday, and I am still in bed. My husband woke up for long enough to grab his glasses and his laptop, and then fell asleep again (with the glasses on and the laptop on his chest). Me? I didn’t go back to sleep. There are so many things I should be doing instead. Let’s list them:
Fold 2 tons of laundry
Go to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy towels (we had to throw all our towels away after we used them to contain the flooding waters… on asbestos flooring)
Write a paper for Negotiations class
Write the journals I keep putting off for Negotiations class
Write a paper for Management Practicum class
Study for the Management Praticum final
Clean up the house (looks like a bomb exploded in here)
Get breakfast
So, what to do? what to do?
Procrastination is a funny thing. I am a rational being, and, as such, I know I will be happier if I get up and accomplish these things systematically. I will be done with them by the end of the day, and I will have a much happier Sunday; however, my fear of wasting my time is paralyzing.
If you look up “Procrastination” online, which I have done many MANY many times while at work, you will find that it’s the reaction to a certain fear: fear of success, fear of failure, etc. I diagnosed my procrastination as “fear of wasting time” back in 2005. In other words, I am afraid that doing one thing will prevent me from doing another, so I end up not doing anything.
Right now, I’m hungry enough to get out of bed and seek nourishment. I better go with that momentum and stop blogging. NOW.
One of the great things about blogging is the sense of community. It wasn’t until I started really blogging that I found out about all of these people out there who are writing about pretty much ANYTHING at any time of the day. They read and comment on one another’s posts. There are several places where you can find these interesting blogs, some of which are: 20 Something Bloggers, Blog Explosion, and simply by clicking on other bloggers’ blog rolls.
It was by the latter method that I found Katie’s blog. Katie is 25, lives in Oregon as a web developer, and writes the most “relatable” and consistent 20-something blog out there. Most recently, she wrote about not having enough confidence to really jump into more serious writing or design. I’ve felt that way too: being stuck with what you’re dealt and being too much of a chicken to do anything about it, but that’s not what this post is about. This post is about writing and having the courage to put yourself out there.
In her post she mentioned she wanted to submit her writings to a site called TheDailyGetup.com. I admit I had never heard of the site before, but after taking a good browsing, I noticed they were looking for new contributors. Instead of asking why they would want ME, a non-writer who has nothing to say but things that are in her head, I just asked “why not” and sent an email to the editor without giving it much more thought. I included links to some of my most popular posts, gave a little background, and boom, it was done. What did I have to lose?
Well, just a couple of hours later I got a message from the editor welcoming me to The Daily Get Up roster of contributors, and that he would email me over the weekend with login information to post on their site!
I am really happy right now. I love writing, and this is the kind of challenge I was looking for! I wouldn’t have been able to do it without Katie’s suggestion, of course. If you like my blog, you will LOVE Katie’s. Check it out here: Special Snowflakes and Other Myths.
I’m thinking of starting a new blog that will focus on my current hometown, Norwood, MA, inspired by several factors: my desire to learn more about my town, my desire to write real pieces, and my fascination with my friend Christine’s career path. Hi Christine! Yes, you’ve inspired me to "try on" journalism. It’s just so different from anything I’ve ever done that it truly fascinates me. I might be going to you for some advice on leads, how to approach subjects for interviews, etc. 🙂
The truth is that there is a repressed writer in me. When I was in 5th grade I decided I would go to college to study Literature (didn’t happen). I had been writing stories for years, and I had a very inspiring Literature teacher (who was also my home room teacher). She was tall, slender and had this 80’s Joan Jett haircut that nobody thought twice about back then. She was always nice to me when others weren’t, and it made me want to be like her. One day, a year or so later, I wrote a story and brought it to her classroom for her valuable feedback, but she wasn’t there. She was gone. I never knew where she went or why she wouldn’t say goodbye. But I still remember her fondly.
My inner-writer has been trying to come out for a few years now. I got a typewriter in 2005 because I used to think that writers only wrote in typewriters. Man, how many christmasses went by without Santa bringing me the one gift I wanted. I kept thinking of great endings to stories with no plot, but never really sat down and wrote them (my typewriter is collecting dust in my attic).
Then last year I started blogging when a story idea came to me (and I was on a 3-week break from school), so I started writing fiction. When school started back up I got busy and lost my inspiration.
Now I just use this blog to let my thoughts out. No commitment, no deadlines, no storyline to stick to. Just thoughts. It’s nice and relaxing, but not challenging in a serious-writer kind of way. I make no effort to put together organized sentences or paragraphs… or even follow grammatical laws. Yeah, my mind’s a mess 😛
Wow, that was the tangent of the century! In short: when I’m done with school in August I’ll start a new I ♥ Norwood blog 🙂 I’m so excited! Stay tuned for more!
I just had the nicest day with my new old friend Os. This post is about old friends who come back into your life after a period of separation and spark brand new friendships the most wonderful and unexpected way.
This may have happened to you at one point or another, but it happens to me often enough to merit writing an entry about it. My first roommate in college and I rekindled our sister-like friendship after 6 years or not being in touch at all. A friend from Germany, whom I met in a high-school prep course 12 years ago, visited Boston and looked me up to hook back up. And now, Os, a friend from my Venezuelan high school, is in town (and moving to Boston in August!) and looked me up to hang out.
These situations do not just happen randomly; they require several factors to be present. For instance:
Identification of an opportunity to reconnect: somebody has to have a reason to make first contact. They may be in the neighborhood, or they need your help, etc.
Having left things on a good note: not having a wall of bitterness to get through always helps
Someone’s initiative: one of you has to make first contact, put yourself on the line ready for rejection, and take whatever comes. This is hard to do!
A certain outgoingness from party A: if the someone who identified the opportunity is shy or introverted, it might be easier for them to not make contact at all. This is why the right personality is crucial.
A certain outgoingness from party B: if the person being reached out to is shy or an introvert, they may be embarrassed by not having kept in touch for so long, or they may be too nervous to revive old feelings, or they just don’t want to outwardly reject anyone, and therefore might not respond at all. So, the outgoing personality trait must go both ways.
I’d like to think that I have done my part by always trying to say Yes when I’m sought after, and to actively seek people out if the opportunity presents itself. It has been rewarding every single time and I encourage anyone out there to reach out or say Yes.
It’s just a great feeling to make new friends… even if you were friends already 🙂
I chained myself to my office today after work to buckle down and write the paper(s). The first part took me 30min, the second part 2 hours, and the last part 1.5 hours. It is 10:30pm and I’m getting on the train home. I did it!
My reward: go to Friendly’s for a late dinner… and maybe some chocolate cake?…………… Shut up! I deserve this!
Have I mentioned ENOUGH already that I can’t wait to be done with school?
We have a paper due next week, and I TOTALLY don’t want to do it. I also have to study for the final, which is the first week of May, and I admit to skipping a lot of readings throughout the semester.
I talked to my sister, Monica Geller, who is a school teacher, and she said it is outrageous that I have no way of knowing how I’m doing on the course because there has been no grade whatsoever. I’ll basically find how how I did on each grading criteria when I get my final grade online when the course is done. She thinks this is not fair, and I should go talk to her to see how I am doing. I think she’s right. I’ll be there for her office hours on Tuesday.
I hate this class with a passion. I want it to be over, and I need to get a B or higher in order to pass. I don’t want to have to take it again!!!
As I was walking out of my house to the train this morning, I was surprised to see a beautiful flower growing at the edge of my front yard. I took it as a love letter from my house to her new owners, saying that things might be tough right now, but they are going to be OK.
Whatever happened to "there are no stupid questions"?
Last night in class we were talking about the general performance of companies depending on their business strategy. Considering that each strategy being discussed was vastly different from one another, and the companies being analyzed could be of varying types and sizes, I thought to myself "they can’t be measuring performance based on profits.. they must be measuring based on some relative ratio for it to be a fair comparison," so I raised my hand and asked the teacher to define "performance" and whether it was by profit margin. She made a face like I had just asked her what class was I sitting in. She answered "profitability" which still didn’t answer my question, and made me feel like I was the dumbest person in the room.
To add insult to injury, she has the audacity to email me today a 5-paragraph email asking me what was the "source" of my question, because it was clear throughout the semester and all the readings that performance is measured by profits.
So I guess there are stupid questions after all.
I replied explaining to her that it was not fair to measure such vastly different companies and strategies based on an absolute value of revenue minus costs, and it made more sense to measure in relative terms.
I am still waiting for her answer to my original question.
Woke up at 4:03 am. Didn’t even want to stay in bed (that’s very different for me), so I came downstairs, started the dishwasher, attempted to make hot cocoa from a Hershey’s 100% cocoa box I bought yesterday (#fail), and now I’m writing this tiny blog.
It is midnight on Friday night. I have had a lovely calm, quiet and relaxing evening. I put my baby down at 6:50pm, and all I’ve done since then is: make my own dinner, play FreeCiv on my baby’s tablet, and watch old episodes of 
