All About Feelings

I quit my job. I should be happy, right? This is what I wanted. This is what I have been wanting for a while… then why am I not happy?

I’ll tell you why: The Corporation’s reaction to my accepting another offer was unprofessional and made me feel very guilty. The correct answer when someone decides to accept another offer is to say “We are sorry to see you go a different direction, but stay in touch, and we hope something may open up in the future” or something to that effect. Instead, I got “Why didn’t you tell us before? You told us you were passively looking” (yeah, 4 months ago!) “We talked earlier this week, why didn’t you inform me? We could have sped up the process for you if we had known.” Anyways, it wasn’t pretty.

I understand why they feel played. After all, I had been dealing with them since June, and we were both on the same page that this was it. However, when the new opportunity came along, and I realized it was less money, there was no need in my mind to try to pit both opportunities against one another. In fact, the only time that it even occurred to me to mention The Hospital offer to The Corporation was to try to get more money. Knowing that wasn’t going to make any sense, I discarded the idea. It never EVER occurred to me that it was any of their business whether I was interviewing anywhere else. I realize now that I should have handled the situation more tactfully. After all, they couldn’t MAKE me accept the offer: I still would have held my destiny in my own hands. So what was wrong with shooting an email saying I had another opportunity creeping up?

So, today, the day after I quit my job, I am feeling like crap. I woke up at 6:45am, and could not fall back asleep out of guilt. I feel guilty. I feel like I let them down. I feel like the HRM looks really bad now because he couldn’t hang onto me. I feel like they feel played. I feel like I cheated them. I feel like I burned that bridge… which is exactly what you DON’T want to do. Especially if your husband works there.

It does make me feel a tiny bit more relief the fact that my husband didn’t think of it either, so he doesn’t hold it against me. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if he blamed me as much as the HR guy.

I can’t believe that I’m obsessing so much about this. I guess it’s because I pride myself in being a genuine, honest and open person, and now I’m being put on the spot for not being any of those things. I feel like crap.

If I had just let The Corporation know what was going on, a couple of weeks ago, maybe they would have gotten the offer done a lot sooner, but it still wouldn’t have affected the outcome. I didn’t choose because of speed or money. However, if they had sent me the offer the week BEFORE I got the new job description for the Hospital, then it would have been a different story. I wouldn’t have been comparing job descriptions, but “bird in hand” versus “a hundred in the bush.”

I’m beating myself up over this way too much. My husband suggested I sent a praise letter to the HR guy’s manager, to make sure they knew that the HRM did everything in his power and was wonderful every step of the way. Which he was, up until the ultimate guilt trip on our last call.

This should be a happy day. A day to celebrate. Instead I’m worried about that small small man’s feelings. I’m such an idiot.

As for how I feel about leaving My Company after 7 years… I have to say I did not expect to feel so sad about it. After my conversation with the VIP yesterday, I kept on crying the rest of the afternoon. It was like I was breaking up with a boyfriend, like I was moving away from home for the first time, like I was getting a divorce. You know, things you know you have to do, but they are bittersweet. I didn’t think I’d cry for it as much as I did. It’s a big change… I don’t know how I’m going to handle it once it sinks in.

abi