The Long-Awaited Last Day

I thought I’d be happy today, but I am F R E A K I N G O U T instead. Is that weird?

Last night, as I watched TV and made the final touches to the accomplishments video for an upcoming conference, which I will not be attending, I started to “feel it.” The lethargy. The despair. The freak out. These are feelings I had long been avoiding by focusing on other petty things over the past couple of weeks. But there was no dodging it, and there it is, the feeling that comes with radical change.

It is my last day and I don’t really have that much to do. I’ll be returning my computer at the end of the day, I’ll be shipping my phone out to whomever, and I’ll be backing up some files up somewhere where my team can retrieve if they need to. That’s all I have to do… and I’m STILL procrastinating.

Maybe it’s just a hazard of the corporate trade, but my exit feels a bit unceremonious. I spent my entire career here, for better or for worse. However, there is only ONE person who has been there with me throughout (well, not even, he was there in my first year, and then in my last 3). Everybody else I’ve just met and left along the way. Over the past 8 years I have held 9 jobs, had 13 managers, and about a trillion HR managers (the most recent one I have only known for a couple of months). Also, my latest job started in March. Therefore, in essence, the people who currently surround me and work with me have only done so for 8 months at most, so they feel like I’m leaving after having put in just a few months of work. They don’t feel I am leaving after 8 years. Nobody does because nobody has worked with me for that long. Isn’t that messed up? To work at a company the good part of a decade and still feel like you are leaving a job you’ve had for only half a year?

Most of the people invited to my goodbye lunch decided that it wasn’t worth it to come into the office, an they opted for working from home today (conveniently). What kind of people are these? Oh well, I don’t like them anyway, the ones who matter did show up (and even organized the lunch for me). Those are the friends I’ll continue to have even after I’m long gone.

With that, I guess I’ll be leaving. No gifts. No hugs. No song. No parade. No matter.

… but I am rocking it tonight at the bar across the street! OH YEAH. Nothing can stop me from getting pissed drunk tonight.

abi