I’ll be teaching a high school class on Friday, and I’m trying to psych myself for it.
I’ll probably get 45 minutes with each group of students, right? I don’t know how many groups of students I’ll get on a given day, or which grades I’ll be teaching, but I can only imagine that I won’t have classes back to back, and I might get a free period somewhere. Maybe I can learn something about classroom management or fun ways to teach and implement them period to period. Yes? No? First times are nerve wrecking!
I’ll tell you what’s underneath this anxiety: I’ve got a lot riding on this career change. What if I don’t like it?
Right now I yearn for a major change in my day-to-day. I want a job where I am not chained to a computer and a phone all day, where emails don’t dictate my tasks for the day, where I’m not being constantly discouraged from being myself. I want a job where I can excel by just being naturally me. A job that doesn’t feel like a job. Am I being too idealistic? I admit I’m probably setting myself up for failure, but… [sigh] I don’t know.
I’m a believer in appreciation by comparison. Maybe I would not have settled down in Boston if I hadn’t lived in 2 other states before coming back to Massachusetts. Maybe I wouldn’t have bought my perfect house on the rockhill if it had been the first house I saw. And I’m still thankful I didn’t end up marrying my very first boyfriend. So why should I settle for the only job I’ve ever known, especially when I know my heart is not in it? The point is that when you have something to compare against, you grow appreciation for one over the other. Makes sense, right?
I just hope that this change doesn’t drive me right back to the desk job where I started.
Again, wish me luck.
ina