Or so I think of myself… then why do I sometimes I get the impression that people just really don’t like me? I can feel it. It’s like a sixth sense. It feels like tension in the air. Like anything I say can and will be used against me. Like people are on guard in my presence.
I haven’t put my finger on the exact issue yet, but I definitely understand the feeling because I have experienced it myself: whenever I encounter a woman who is known for her "I’m right all the time" attitude more than she’s known for her kindness and humility, I become intimidated. It’s not even a reputation thing, it’s something you can tell from the way they talk to others, carry themselves, and how they talk to you the first time you meet. This is the kind of woman that will smile at you, but will not be afraid to say No and call you on anything they disagree with, no matter how insignificant it may be. So you just stay quiet and try not to get into an argument about why she doesn’t want to write her name on her "Hello My Name Is" tag because she thinks people should know her name by now. Or you try to ignore it when you help her out by pointing out that you can get multiple lines on a single cell of Excel by doing Alt+Enter as opposed to using spaces to wrap the text, and she just says "that’s nice, that’s nice" as you’re talking to try to get you to shut up and leave her alone. And you definitely don’t argue when she says she doesn’t have time to do what you asked her to do.
Is that how people see me? That inflexible? Am I so set in my own ways that people have experienced discomfort when they express a different view in my presence?
On the one hand, I recall so many times when I have listened to people talk about things I disagree with and I am polite in either not arguing or saying my point of view without offending the other person. I always think of the possibility that I may be wrong, and many times I even say those words out loud so that there is no doubt: "You are right." My husband hears this a lot, and he extends the same courtesy to me when I am right.
On the other hand, I can’t stop thinking about the feedback I have received from my immediate family. I have been told that I don’t listen and that I never accept that others could be right, especially when they are criticizing me.
Having such conflicting ideas in my head is really creating an internal crisis for me. So what am I? Open-minded and accepting of others’ differences and ideas? Or am I a close-minded won’t-touch-her-with-a-10-ft-pole nutcase that goes around the world intimidating innocent bystanders?
I hope I’m the first, but I’m open to the idea of being wrong about this. Scary thought, though.
ina