inacove

Category: Thoughts

  • I’ll be happy when…

    I could write a whole list of things that could finish that sentence. The biggest one is "I’ll be happy when I’m done with school" (11 weeks of class left, but who’s counting?)

    You probably know what I’m going to say already: we should live in the present, we should appreciate our life for what it is NOW and stop waiting for something else to happen. Sigh, I just wish I could take my own advice.

    My life is currently in auto-pilot. I go to work, I go to school, I procrastinate from doing homework, attempt to cook, attempt to go to the gym, but ultimately I am exhausted all the time, and I’m waiting for something to change, such as, for my MBA to be done with.

    Eh, screw ideal attitudes. I’ll be happy when I finish school FOREVER!

    ina

  • Cupcakes

    I’m having a stupid day. Had to stay home from work to get quotes for Asbestos removal in our basement. The problem is that I am not cut out for working from home. I get bored and distracted easily, and end up eating a billion cupcakes.

    Stupid cupcakes. They lure me in with their deliciousness. I hate you cupcakes.

    ina

  • Better Day?

    I am feeling a tiny bit better today. Brian and I went to the gym last night, and I met my goal: 15 minutes straight of jogging!!! (3 incline, 4.5 MPH) To give you a reference point, I used to run out of air at 2 minutes, before I joined the gym. Next goal: 20 minutes! I do need something to listen to, though. I’ve found that I don’t reach my full potential because I get bored and feel the need to change it up by stopping/slowing down. Need to find funny podcasts or something…

    Today I have meetings all morning starting at 8:30am, then have an "event" at the cafeteria where I’ll be manning a table for my association. Then a little break, and a couple more meetings before having to leave early to make it to school at 6pm.

    Oops, that reminds me that I haven’t been doing my homework for this class. Drat. I should get on that.

    Alright, here’s to a better day for all. Good luck everyone.

    ina

  • I’m gonna have to ice skate home…

    … because hell just froze over. You will never guess where I am or what I’m doing. Ok, I’ll tell you: I am at the gym waiting for Brian to come out of the treadmills.

    He finished his guided training session at 7:50pm. I went looking for him at around 8. I found him on a treadmill and he had been walking for almost 7 minutes. So I quietly left the room and decided to catch up on some blog reading out in the lobby

    The sad part is that he’s probably just waiting for me to come looking for him, but I cannot in good conscience interrupt the only exercise he’s gotten since we stopped doing yoga together over a year ago. I figure the only outcome is that he’ll get tired and come out looking for me.

    (he just came out – 30 min later!) I like him so much 🙂 He hates me right now, though 😛

    ina

  • Random Thoughts

    This entry was all-day in the making from the train in to the train out:

    • I don’t want to be at work today
    • I’m really thinking of going to work at Steve’s company
    • I wish one person in particular wanted to be my friend as much as I want to be hers
    • Apparently we could get Radon issues after the sump pump gets installed
    • Tina Fey does not like the "wet" look of my hair when I put products in, and my husband thinks my hair smells like Cheerios. I should try different products.
    • We’re going to the gym today for the first time
    • I’m afraid of failure
    • I’m afraid of wasting my time
    • I saw New Moon this weekend. Nothing compares to the emotional attachment that the books give you.
    • I’m looking forward to another Florida weekend with girls in June
    • I found out that my gift certificate to the Lime Light is good for 2 years
    • I’m hungry
    • I can’t wait to be done with school. Just 4 more months.
    • I love my husband
    • I don’t like the cement smell in my basement
    • I like the nice weather we’re having this week
    • My stupid phone (3rd of its kind I’ve had) burnt out its little CAPS and FN lights, so now I can’t tell when I got CAPS on
    • I enjoyed talking to Brian’s grandmother last night about the names of her ancestors. Maybe one day I’ll draw out our family tree.
    • I love the song "Affirmation" by Savage Garden
    • I hate it when I wax under my arms and end up wearing a long sleeve shirt. What a waste.
    • I like the location of my workplace. Copley rocks.
    • I think Duck Tours are funny
    • I think it SUCKS that Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock.
    • I had too much chocolate this Easter weekend
    • My English muffins are Buy-One-Get-One-Free! Bonus!
    • This post is keeping me sane and helping me take it one step a a time
    • I love the sun. I can’t wait till it’s warm enough to have lunch at the Christian Science Plaza by the fountain
    • I miss my niece and nephew (Monica Geller’s kids)
    • I hate phonies
    • I hate the smell of coffee
    • I miss my parents (who now live in Texas)
    • Can I cancel all my meetings for today and just stare at the wall all day? Maybe it would be easier to take a mental sickness day
    • I need to wash my hands… often
    • Dang it! I forgot to bring my food from home today!
    • I hate people who say "No" when they don’t understand, rather than asking more questions to reach a solution.
    • I hate people who don’t care enough, and in the process end up screwing others over
    • Wishing I could take a nap right about now
    • I’m a little bored.
    • When I’m done with school I’m going to sign up for Ancestry.com and figure out my husband’s family tree!
    • When I’m done with school I’d like to think that I’ll sign up for lessons to learn an instrument… but I probably won’t
    • I think I do like my job I wish I was a little more motivated to do it today.
    • I have this fear of running into old boyfriends whenever I am outside in the city.
    • Angie is back from her trip! Can’t wait to hear all about it!
    • Christine got a perm! The madness is spreading
    • I love my curls
    • I thought I missed my stop for a split second
    • I didn’t

    Now off to the gym with my love. I didn’t hear from him all day. I hope he’s doing alright.

    ina

  • Basement Technologies (Busy Dog) SUCKS

    Previous post about Basement Technologies

    The people from Basement Technologies (aka Busy Dog) stood us up for the pump installation again yesterday. This time they had even called on Monday to CONFIRM the appointment, and they still didn’t show.

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There is no "Fool me thrice" version of that verse and I don’t want to find out what it is, so we have decided to take our business elsewhere. Now we get to fight with them to get our 30% deposit back.

    It all worked out for the best, though. After all, we were acting out of immediate desperation and they were going to charge us an arm and a leg for the pump installation job, plus filling in some cracks. So we will pass on them, and actually shop around and get more quotes. I’m sure we can do at least 30% better than the original price.

    Epilogue (9/2/2010): I didn’t trust the sales guy farther than I could throw him anyway. He kept saying my asbestos tile would not be a problem, when in fact I knew that the jackhammers would release asbestos particles to the air, which are toxic. Also, their technology is a GIMMICK: their pipe is SQUARE shaped, which they say works better than others, but really, the corners of the pipe accumulate dirt, which is why they make you get a $200 maintenance every year (if you miss one maintenance year, your warranty is voided). They were by far the worst company we could have gone with.

    Read about the company we decided to go with here – Drycrete Waterproofing. It was cheaper, we got amazing attention, and the job was well done and under the timeframe quoted!

    Such are the pleasures of home ownership.

    You know what, though? Considering that we got the worst possible case scenario of rains now, and it only amounted to a couple of sleepless nights and some days off work, we consider ourselves lucky. There are people who had water up to their windows and others who had to evacuate. We really got off easy.

    To luck.

    ina

  • Sunshine after the Storm

    There is no questioning what a rough week it’s been, but you gotta hold on and know that "it’s the storm, not you, that’s bound to blow away" (from The Secret Garden, the musical)

    It’s a beautiful day today, and I am so glad I got out of the house to witness it. Much to my pleasure, as I was walking out of the house, my neighbor was pulling out of his driveway and offered me a ride too the train station. I love nice neighbors 🙂

    It’s going to be a good day 🙂

    ina

  • Rain Rain Rain

    So, if the irresponsible good-for-nothing dudes from Basement Technologies had actually showed up to their appointment last Wednesday, we would have been able to handle this new storm just fine!

    Mmmm on second thought, we probably would have been even more upset at their mishandling of the asbestos tile. Or maybe we would have just died of cancer due to the asbestos dust instead. So maybe it was a good thing that it was delayed so we could take care of the tile.

    Brian spent literally all day taking care of the water problem to keep the water level in check. The poor thing must be starving and exhausted.

    I took the 4pm train home. Should be there soon. I’m going to call him to see if he would like me to get him some food first.

    May your basements stay dry.

    ina

  • Busy much?

    What do you do when you don’t have enough time in the day to do everything you need to do? For instance: prepare for a super important salary negotiation (happening tomorrow); cook the perishable food I bought before it, well, perishes; go to the gym to sign up your significant other before he changes his mind; and work on research for a school team meeting tomorrow.

    And you’ll be getting home at 7:30pm. AND you are booked solid with meetings all day tomorrow.

    You tell ME!

    ina

  • Asbestos

    Is it bad to be so tired on Monday at 7:30am? That’s not a good start to the week, is it?

    It was a tough night for the both of us. I woke up twice, and saw my husband at his computer in his study sometime around 2:30am. I just remember asking him what the hell he was doing up (he had gone to bed with me at 11pm!), and going right back into bed.

    Last night we got down and dirty in our basement to remove the asbestos tile. It was either doing it ourselves, or having the sump pump installers come in with their jack hammers on Thursday and tear up the floor while releasing the toxic agent to our air. Neither seemed appealing or even safe, but we thought the risk of dying of asbestos inhalation would be less if we took care of the problem ourselves following the advised precautions. We think it went pretty well, although we don’t know what to do about the dust that remained on the ground. I might go in there and vaccuum it up today, but I need to check some websites first.

    I guess this is what we get for boasting for 6 months that we got such a great deal on the house. Sigh.

    And, to top it all off, it’s raining again today, and it won’t stop until Wednesday. Wish us luck.

    ina

  • Control Freak with a Cause?

    I am pretty sure I have written about my control freakiness before, so this should come as no surprise to anyone: I am a control freak.

    I was watching Modern Family this week, and I totally identified with the mother character who ends up making cupcakes for her daughter because she has no faith in her ability to get anything done right; an awful trait which the daughter exploits to its full potential. I told my husband "that’s going to be me." Isn’t that awful?

    The problem is that when I decide not to butt into people’s tasks, they seem to always let me down. At work, when the national leader of the affinity groups sent a message to our communications leader asking him to use the new branding banner for the organization (message in which I was CC’d), I fought the urge to forward that same email to the communications leader AGAIN immediately and just ask him to make sure it happens. Heck, the email was directed at him, and he MUST be responsible enough to comply, right? Wrong. He ended up sending out the exact same (old) banner in the following communication. And who got the reiterative email from the national leader? That’s right: moi.

    Or it’s like today. I told my husband 3 times that the Basement Technologies guy was coming over at 4 and we should both be home for that. I told him while he slept, which was not fair, so I left him a written note, and then I called him and even told him to not even think of going to get a hair cut at 3:45, like I think he totally would. He thought it was funny. Well, I got home at 4 o’clock after having lunch with Tina Fey, and his car wasn’t there. So I called him and he said he was at Home Depot returning something, and next he’d be going to Walmart. I asked him if he remembered that he had to be home at 4pm, and he said he’d forgotten and would be on his way.

    How am I supposed to stop being a control freak if other people just keep proving me right when I have no faith?

    ina

  • MTEL Date Move

    I decided to take the Math MTEL on July 10th instead of May. I am way too busy right now.

    Also, I had a dream that I quit my job, in which I might get a big raise soon, and went to work as a counselor at a school, and I woke up freaked out and wanting to get my job back. That’s gotta say something, right?

    ina

  • No Pump for You!

    The pump installers, Basement Technologies, called me at 6pm tonight to tell me they overbooked themselves and will not be coming to their appointment tomorrow.

    I’m PISSED!!!!

    ina

  • Rain again

    It rained all night and it will rain all day today. I was convinced that I would wake up to a totally flooded basement. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case, but one of the biggest "problem areas" appeared to be moist (the cement was darker in that spot).

    I had to head out to work. I would have stayed home, but I left my computer at the office, so I didn’t have much of a choice. I layed down towels, raised the sofa on my little stools, threw caution to the wind (or, more appropriately, to the rain), and left to catch my train.

    The sump pump is getting installed tomorrow. The rain just couldn’t wait a couple more days, could it? Sigh.

    Cross my fingers for a dry basement when I get home.

    ina

  • Today Recap

    Today was a good day. I have been productive at my job, and I wish I had more time to devote to it. Funny how the world works, huh?

    Also, I am on a mission to plan my meals for the week tonight and go grocery shopping. I want to go home and tidy up and cook, and just have a relaxing evening.

    I miss Brian very much, but I am also taking advantage of his not being around this week. After all, I probably wouldn’t have gotten as much done as I did if we had subjected every single decision to his long and slow process of scrutiny. I luv u, my luv, but that’s the truth.

    The house is going to look great when he gets back. I really can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees his new office all set up. He’s going to love me even more!

    I’m so hungry. Must get home fast!!!

    ina

  • Flood and Curls

    Today is my first day back at the office post-flood and post-perm. Both are on my mind: will my basement take in water when it rains today? Are people looking at my hair? I can’t stop thinking about them.

    Hairwise, I had to shampoo twice to try to get rid of the chemical smell of the perm, but it didn’t take. My hair still stinks of perm! I guess it will take a couple of days. At least it doesn’t feel like rope anymore. I couldn’t wet my hair for 3 days, so my hair ended up looking more like Bob Marley’s dread locks, as opposed to Shirley Temple’s playful curls Now, it’s more like Carrie Bradshaw’s big hair. It’ll definitely take some getting used to!

    As for the flood, after the contractors removed the wood panel walls from the basement, two huge cracks came to light. I’m going to have to call the Basement Technologies people today to add that to the contract. Two of those cracks are on the front wall, which means we will have to put the drain pipe in that wall, which we were not planning on doing. This means more $$$.

    For some reason I’m not too upset about this. Not even the money. It’s just money. It keeps getting replenished every 2 weeks. I’m actually more excited about remodeling downstairs. It’s something we weren’t planning to do for a while, but mother nature has given us a golden opportunity to do this before we have kids.

    May your basements stay dry, and your curls in order.

    ina

  • Byebye Floors

    I guess I only blog when I have too much time on my hands! That should tell you how my life has bee for the past few months – hehe 🙂

    I’m in my house, upstairs, while the contractors are downstairs tearing up my floors and walls, which got damaged by the water that came pouring in after the rains we got last weekend. I swear, it might as well have flooded by 1 foot by the damage it caused.

    In consequence, I have rearranged my upstairs so we can live up here for a while. Tina Fey was here to help me out with things, and, despite my constant moodiness and snappiness, I really did appreciate her help 🙂 I can be such a bitch. It’s like I’m a little ball of emotion that lights up easy as a match. Ridiculous. I even complained about her "phone ringing too much" – wow.

    I’m looking forward to Brian coming back from Florida and seeing his new study, which I set up for him in what used to be the guest room. So excited to show it to him!

    Ok, time to pick another movie for me and Tina Fey. We’ve watched The Devil Wears Prada, Clueless, Baby Mama, and I get to pick the next one. What will it be?

    Hope you’re all enjoying the weather out there.

    ina

  • Summer, I missed u. Plz stay a while.

    Summer decided to sneak a peek into our Springtime to see if things are moving along in the seasons cycle. It was definitely welcome. It feels just like when the actor who plays Al Bundy stopped by to surprise Christina Applegate on her show. We missed you!

    I’m sitting outside my door step (that’s so country), and just enjoying the 60-degree weather and the view. My house is situated on a flat street, but the house itself sits atop a small rock hill that lies under just 3 or 4 houses, so the view from my house is elevated from the rest. It really feels almost like looking over a 1-story-high deck. It’s just a great view.

    Brian left me this morning. Not forever, but he might as well have by the way it feels. He’s coming back next Thursday from his business trip in Florida. I wish I was down there with him. Well, actually, I wish he was up here with me helping me deal with the flood mess. Oh well, I’ve dealt with issues alone before. He’s lucky to have such an independent and Type A wife to trust these things to.

    Ok, time to go to class.

    ina

    PS: Who else is psyched that the Celebrity Apprentice is back on???

  • Tired

    I slept from 9pm to 12am while Brian and his father held watch of the water situation. I was happy to see that it had stopped raining at midnight. Brian went to sleep, and I stayed up with the situation until he came out at 4am (he just tossed and turned, not must sleep was gotten). I slept from 4 to 8am (slept like a rock, I’m talented like that), showered and sent Brian back to bed. I’ve been up since, and he’s still asleep. He has such a hard time falling asleep, poor thing, that I really hope he got some actual quality sleep time all this time.

    Me, I’m connected to work, but I can’t concentrate. I put up an Out of Office message telling people I’ll be out today. I’m so tired. My muscles ache all over and it was hard to even get out of bed. It’s still hard just to get off the couch!

    At this point the water has stopped pouring in by the bucketfuls. Now we are mostly dealing with the lake that has found a home underneath our laminate floors. You can hear it squish squish under your feet when you walk on it. Bye bye $5000 laminate floors, bye bye $700 carpet. Oh well, we had a good run the past 6 months.

    They say this "Nor’easter" storm only happens once in a blue moon, and that it might not be worth the money to waterproof the house. My muscles just scream "Pay! Pay! Pay!" It’s hard not to listen.

    At least it’s stopping now and doesn’t require constant supervision or back-breaking work. I might even be able to leave it alone while I go to class tomorrow night (Brian is leaving for Florida in the morning on a business trip).

    The Basement Technologies guy is coming in 2 hours. He probably won’t fix anything today, and this thought used to stress me out, but I think it will be alright now.

    Ok, back to my post.

    Garage water control
    Vacuuming out the excess water from under the floor, which was spilling over by the bucket loads

    ina

    PS: I’m still trying to debate what was worse: our moving day in Kentucky (where Brian and I had to pack 2 trucks on our own in a very tight deadline and were miraculously saved by a couple of mormon missionaries), or this 3-day ordeal. I’m leaning towards "this" being better. THAT’s how bad our Kentucky move was. Can’t even think about it.

  • Homework Sucks

    This is an official whining blog entry. I don’t want to do homework. I seriously want to just sit on my bum with my arms crossed and whine: I don’t wanna do it! I don’t wanna do it! And you can’t make me!

    Whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this whine whine whine cry cry cry don’t wanna do this

    Sigh. Ok, the best I can do is a half-ass job. Let’s see what that would look like and go from there.

    Good luck to me.

    ina

  • Today

    I didn’t even know we had an informal policy of casual Fridays in our office until I started actually coming into the office on Fridays a few weeks ago. Survey says: Loves It!

    I like commuting to work on Fridays now. It feels like I came in on a weekend: things move so slow that it feels like there is nobody working today but you. It just gives me more time to set work stuff straight, and to stop and smell the roses.

    Last night I got home at 6 o’clock. Brian came in at 6:30. We had had an "off" day, and we both wanted to make sure we were back on a good note. I just took him by the hand and brought him into the bedroom, where we lied down and I proceeded to tell him all about my day, and he me about his. We had a couple of laughs, but I’m pretty sure I fell asleep in the middle of his recap.

    I woke up at some point and changed my clothes, back to sleep.

    Brian set up my alarm for me, and I woke up at 5am. That was almost 10 hours of sleep I got last night. No dinner.

    Had scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast while watching The Office, and came to work by 8am.

    It’s just been a really chilled day. If only I could catch up with my projects today, I’ll be the happiest worker bee alive.

    ina

  • RIP Corey Haim

    Every once in a while a celebrity’s death hits you like a pile of bricks. Brittany Murphy, Celia Cruz, among them. And now, Corey Haim at age 38 of an overdose.
    I grew up with the movie License to Drive. I rooted for him in his A&E reality show “The Two Coreys.” I wanted him to be OK.
    May he rest in peace.

    License to Drive (1988)

  • Curly Hair is Coming!

    Just wanted to stop by real quick to tell you that I have set a date! I’ll be getting my hair curled on March 18th with my fabulous sister-in-law, for whom I have had a ton of difficulty coming up with a name. I’ll think of one soon, I’d love to talk more about her. Anyways: curly hair coming soon!!!!! I should take a picture of my straight hair now, and curly hair later, so we can see the before and after 🙂 yeah!!

    ina

  • Blog hiatus

    My phone broke. I’ll leave out the part where I tell you how it broke, because my warranty doesn’t cover slumber. I don’t want to tell you that, in my sleepy daze last night, I dropped my phone on the floor throwing the battery out, then tried to put the battery back in backwards, which damaged the battery connectors. To my surprise, the battery no longer powers the phone. Oops.

    Verizon will be sending me a new phone by Wednesday. Until then, I’ll have no blogging tool permanently glued to my hands, and my posts will be slow to come, if at all.

    I know you will be alright and get through this. Just like the kids from The Simpsons when the Itchy and Scratchy show lost its edge, I am sure my lack of blogging will open your eyes to all the other things you could be doing with your time outside your house.

    We’ll get through this together.

    ina

  • Fund Raising

    Tonight, Angela hosted her very first fund raising party, and it was a huge success! We had about 20 people show up and give generously to Angie’s cause.

    We had a ton of food, great desserts, and my oatmeal chocolate chip cookies were a big hit! Even my sister, Tina Fey, requested some to take home.

    Angie also set up a silent auction of donated jewelry pieces, and she got $100 in donations from that activity alone! The rest ($350) came from the guests’ incredible generosity in putting in more than the minimum donation ($10) indicated.

    It was just a great time. In attendance were Tori Amos, Charlotte, Erin, Tina Fey, Ethel, and some other friends who don’t have names yet 😛 I was so grateful to all for coming, and for opening themselves to give like that.

    I also made some new friends! Bonus! 🙂

    Great night. Now I just sleep. Zzzzz…

    ina

    PS: Total collected was $501!!!! which put Angela over her 50% mark!!!

  • No TV means No TV

    No TV doesn’t mean "a little bit of TV," and there is a reason for that!

    Last night I got home at 6pm, and I accomplished tons of things: made dinner for me and my husband, did the dishes, did 2 loads of laundry (inc folding and putting away), baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for tonight’s Spa Night (to benefit Angela’s Triathlon fund), cleaned up the kitchen, went through coupon books (for which I did not find much use), and went to bed at 11pm.

    My dreadful confession: I did watch the equivalent of 2.5hrs of TV as well. The Office was on, and Brian wanted to finish watching the episode of Psych we had started watching over the weekend.

    I felt VERY guilty afterwards. I wanted to turn it off and do some more non-TV tasks, but it kept drawing me in!!! It’s an evil force! In all truthfulness, I was dead scared that if I turned it off I’d have to face the reality that I had to go to work the next morning. Yeah, I’m pretty damaged.

    My hyper awareness of TV time also made me realize one thing: my subconscious ultimate goal in the evenings is to do enough stuff fast so I can go watch TV. Can you believe this? It’s like my body doesn’t feel like it got a chance to rest until it is sitting in front of that mind-numbing box. But, in reality, TV doesn’t relax me, it just presses the Fast Forward button on my life, and suddenly it is 11pm, and I feel as tired and drained as I did when I first sat down. How messed up is that?

    I think I should say No to TV during the weekdays, and just catch up on my shows on weekends. I really do feel more relaxed when I go to bed after not watching TV or being on the computer, because it really feels like time goes by slower, and I have all that time to unwind. It helps me get up in the mornings and be more productive at work, too!

    I’ve rambled long enough. I think you get the idea 🙂 I’ll leave you with a quote from Psych:

    Lassiter: … the infamous J.T. Waring.
    Gus: Who’s that?
    Shawn: Come on, Gus, it’s the guy who wrote all the Harry Potter books.
    Gus: That’s J.K. Rowling, Shawn!

    Ha! Sometimes those guys manage to remind me why I watch the show 🙂

    ina

  • House is still clean

    I got home at 8:30pm last night, after a pick-up run at Bertucci’s, of course. I was pleasantly surprised to find the house almost just as I had left it! So I went to bed at 10pm in total peacefulness.

    I woke up at 5am and was ready for work at 6am, so I spent the next 20 min tidying up, and now the house is exactly as I had left it! Oh, blissful home life.

    It’s really amazing what an organized and neat abode can do for your whole outlook.

    Have a nice Thursday,

    ina

  • Honesty vs Pretense

    My husband, Brian, and I are completely opposite people. This really works in our favor most of the time because we can provide each other with a completely different perspective on pretty much anything. Whenever I am about to do something totally impulsive and harsh, I ask him for feedback and he helps me soften my blows. And I love him for that.

    Too bad I can’t take him with me on business trips…

    There’s this woman at work that if I didn’t see ever again, it would be too soon. She and I were working on a very difficult and totally physically and emotionally draining project 3 years ago. She came to me to give me advice and said that I was taking on too much work, and I should ease up and delegate. I remember being outwardly appreciative of the feedback, but thinking that she was stepping over her bounds trying to "coach" someone who is not her subordinate. But "whatever," I thought. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. The next day, she calls me and tells me that she has decided to dump all her responsibilities on me, and I would be the new leader of her area. This hit me like a pile of bricks. She was caving in under the pressure of the project, and decided (without any authority from the leaders) that she would just hand over all her work to me. That was the first time I ever said "No" to her, and it dawned on me what she meant about taking on so much work and saying "Yes" all the time. Ever since then I have wanted nothing to do with such a two-faced monster. She killed every ounce of trust I still had in her, and I began to avoid her whenever we were in the same room together from that point forward. I’d try to be cordial, but I can’t fake for long periods of time, so I’d always run the other way.

    Well, God works in mysterious ways. Turns out that my new role is to take over her current projects, so we’ll have to work together in the transition. I went over to the mother ship for a couple of days and was very much looking forward to getting the transition over with in an hour.

    Unfortunately for me, I can’t help my heart from showing on my sleeve, and she can’t ignore social cues that the other person (me) is giving off. So in our meeting, she asked what was wrong. I turned to her and asked her "Do you really want to have this conversation?" and she said yes. So, I let it all out. I even cried and bawled, and my eyes remained puffy for the rest of the day and into the night. Her first reaction was to laugh and make it sound like she "felt bad" for me for having held this grudge for 3 years. I called her on the laughing about this, regretted ever bringing anything up and asked her to get back to the transition presentation. She wouldn’t, for better or for worse. She stayed on the topic and apologized profusely multiple times for causing this kind of aggravation on me. Afterwards, my guard fell a bit, and I thanked her for letting me get it out in the open. I washed my face, and we decided to continue the transition on Monday.

    I did honestly feel better after I let it all out, and I thought that maybe I’d feel even better about working with her on the transition the next day, but I don’t feel good. I still have no trust in her whatsoever, and I still hate her whiny high-pitched voice, and I can still see the smirk on her face when she said she "felt so bad" for me.

    So what did we learn? Any political-correctness book (or my husband, or my parents, or my boss, or the Big Kahuna) would have told me that I handled it poorly, that I should have addressed it professionally, that I shouldn’t have blown up like that. But that was the most raw and real conversation I will ever have with anybody at work, and although I know I "should have" handled it better, I somehow don’t regret telling her off one bit. What’s the consequence? That I might have damaged the relationship forever? Well, it was already damaged, so it’s not like I could have made things so much worse.

    I just hope to leave this behind me and just get the transition over with as quickly as possible.

    ina

  • Blog Idea

    I have this great blog idea that I just don’t have the time to write. I’d really like to write a blog called "I (heart) Norwood," (my town) and write everything about living in Norwood. Post pictures from my walks, comment on the local news (I’ll have to start getting the local newspaper), and recommend places to eat, drink and workout. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

    ina

  • Where did ina go?

    I have not used the computer or watched TV since getting out of work on Friday, and it was AWESOME. I can’t say Christine‘s article recommendation about the "things we could be doing instead of being on Facebook” had nothing to do with it. You can read more on Christine’s views on Facebook here.

    It was pure bliss. My days felt like they were twice as long, and I got twice as much done. It made me feel so good to finally get rid of that rusty soap dispenser and clean the built-in dispenser that still had the previous owners’ soap in it, so we could finally start using it. It felt great to clean the bathroom sink, wash and put away all my laundry, reorganize the kitchen cabinets so we could start using them in a SMART way and stop cluttering the countertops with crap that didn’t fit in the cabinets. I also got to tidy up the whole house. I got all of this done, plus had brunch with 2 friends, and even went to the mall with Tori Amos to buy jeans at NY & CO for just $7.99!!! I also had a great time on Friday at Enrique Montoya’s bday celebration at Club Cafe in Boston. It was just a wonderful weekend all around.

    I recommend turning off the TV and the computer to anyone who will try it, and watch things happen 🙂

    Right now I’m at the gate about to start boarding for the Midwest to visit my company’s mothership. Just going for 1.5 days, and coming back to hang out with Erin, who will be visiting in Boston this week – yay!

    Ugh… I hate business trips. Especially when I have a now-tidy home and a big and warm and cuddly husband I’d rather spend time with. Wish me luck. Deep breaths.

    ina

  • Fear Factor

    This is how a conversation with my sister went recently:

    ina: I’m sick and tired of this bullshit
    Monica: (laughs)
    ina: I just don’t want to do this anymore. Somethings has got to change!
    Monica: Weren’t you working on becoming a teacher?
    ina: Yeah, but the subject matter test won’t be until May, which means that I won’t get the scores until July, which means that I won’t get my license until September, and by then it will be too late to apply for jobs for the fall.
    Monica: Well, I don’t know how things work over there, but here in Texas you can apply for jobs before getting your license. That’s how I was able to get a job so quickly when I moved up here.
    ina: I do know for a fact that I could apply for jobs without a license……
    Monica: So what’s stopping you?
    ina: …
    ina: I’m so scaaaared!

    Throughout the conversation I came to understand that I was actively trying to come up with excuses to not switch careers in a few months. I can’t say I know for sure WHY I’m stopping myself. I guess I am not comfortable leaving my job yet because I’m starting out in a new role, and I like the people I’ll be working for, and I certainly don’t want to let them down. Besides that, which sounds like illogical loyalty, I also wonder whether the new job will be better than my last, and I won’t really be giving it a fair try if I am trying to find another job in the meantime.

    So I think I am more comfortable staying put for now. I will get my license this year, and I will start looking at jobs when the time is right. I am just very scared of a change like this, and I want to make sure I do it right. No rushing.

    ina

  • Blissful Daydream

    This morning I didn’t have to iron, which gave me back 10 minutes of my time before I had to leave to catch the train.

    I went downstairs and just lied on my new couch to rest my brain a little I got a shiver throughout my body, and acknowleged that I did not want to go into work today. My immediate next thought was: what would be different if I were teaching?

    • "I’d already be at work," I thought. Yup, teaching means getting up wicked early. It also means leaving work early. Would that make up for it?
    • What would I do with my early departures? I’d like to think I’d make teacher friends and we could hang out together afterwards, but considering the median age of school teachers, that is unlikely.
    • Would I look forward to going to work? Do I have enough fun ideas to get me by?

    Then I started daydreaming about an idea I had for an algebra class (see next post). Sooner than I hoped, came the time to get up and catch my train.

    Hope you all have a good day at work.

    ina

  • Mmm still blank

    I think this is the day when I posted the least number of blogs. Even when I was on vacation I still blogged! Anyways, I’ll give you some highlights:

    • I went to the gym at lunch today. I jogged 10 minutes straight! This is HUGE for me. I never thought I’d be able to jog 2 minutes straight, let alone 10 consecutive ones!!! I was so proud of myself. I have the feeling I could have gone longer… but without anybody there to push me, I counted my losses and stopped at 10. Bad, huh?
    • I had to work from home today so that I wouldn’t be a zombie at work. I had class last night until 9:30pm, then had a meeting with my counterpart in Asia at 10:30, and didn’t get out until 11:30pm. I was exhausted. There was no way I was getting up at the crack of dawn.
    • I hate working from home. It’s hard to find food in my empty fridge. Ended up having a hot dog in whole-wheat bread and some baked beans at like 2:45pm. For dinner: PB&J. Sigh… I wish I had a cook who fed me every day.

    ina

  • Blank

    I am a compulsive blogger. I have to type out whatever is on my mind at any point in time. But right now my mind is just… Blank. I actually did not have an urgent impulse to blog, like I usually do, but then thought that I should be an equal opportunity blogger. Why should my Blank state be left undocumented?

    I just had a meeting about my transition that went as well as could be expected, and I just have nothing to say about it. It’s like when you reach terminal velocity, or the water in the glass you just put down becomes perfectly still, or when you have cried all the tears you had in you: there’s nowhere else to go. The inertia has ran out, and you need an external impulse to change course. That’s how my brain feels right now.

    Just… Blank.

    ina

  • Busy and Bitter – Awful Combination

    I’m very busy at work this week while I transition my current job to someone else. I seriously CANNOT wait until the transition is over and I start leading my own projects. I’m also busy at school. We have a big paper due tomorrow, and I am scrambling to get my part done. I’m tired. I’m sick and tired.

    I’m also bitter because I’m being a big baby about my friendships situation. Why can’t I be cool calm and collected like adults are supposed to be? I make so much drama in my head. I do this to myself.

    ina

  • When did “Charity” become a four-letter word?

    I’m not one of those people that give money to the homeless, like Brian is. I’m not one of those people that give $5 or $10 in the collect at Church, like my mother does. I’m just not a money giver when it comes to charities.

    In fact, I’m very selfish when it comes to giving. I need to get something out of it. If I give money to a charity raffle, I have to like the prizes. When I volunteered at hospitals, I was getting experience in a hospital environment. When I volunteered at the suicide hotline, I was satisfying an itch I had to help people who were depressed, like I was. When I volunteered to help Sweet Dee and Charlotte with their financial situation, I did it because I love spreadsheets.

    In short, I am a selfish charitable giver. But I do have a very soft side for my friends.

    The latest charity I’ve been helping with is Angela’s Triathlon fund raiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I donated to her cause (a mere $30 – 1% of her goal), but I’m helping her plan events that hopefully will bring a lot more in. What do I get out of it? I get to use my time for something that means something to my friend, who has given me countless hours of her patient ears to listen to all my complaints and whines.

    My friendships do mean a lot to me, and if one of my friends needs something that I can provide, I’m there 100% no matter what. And that’s why I’m putting all my love to Angela’s fund raising.

    So when I see that my own friends scurry away when they are asked to help out, I feel hurt that the eagerness to help is not reciprocated.

    Maybe people don’t like to spend money on charities (me being Exhibit 1), but isn’t it a common trait we all share to want to help a friend?

    When did “Charity” become a four-letter word?

    ina

  • Stupid Shame Spiral

    I’ve been thinking about career-changing into teaching all day. Today I outed myself to one of my coworkers, and his reaction was “you know they don’t make any money, right?” Yes, I know, but I’ll take a drop of their job satisfaction any day. That seemed to shut him up, but I was left feeling like he had lost all respect for me.

    So it has begun: the corporate shame spiral that it is to leave a job you are totally qualified for, you make a lot of money doing, and where you might have a future (albeit unwanted), all for another job that you might (or might not) “enjoy” better.

    I have this notebook that I got at a Barnes & Noble back in 2003, in which I rant and vent, and it’s not out of blank pages yet. One of the first things I did with that book was to write a list of things I wanted to do in life. You know what one of those things was?

    Not be afraid to quit my job to follow my dreams

    The thing is that I don’t know what my dreams are anymore. Is it to become a teacher? Well, maybe not a lifelong hardcore full-blown DREAM, but maybe something I want to try before I just die in the same old job not having changed a thing in my life.

    Can you blame me for that?

    ina

    PS: For the record, I am fully aware that all this “lack of respect” is coming from within me. I’ve got to come to terms with my own decision.

  • Teaching is ON

    As I mentioned on an earlier post, I decided not to take the March 6th Subject Matter MTEL because I’d have no time to study. The deadline to sign up for the May test is at the end of March (see all the dates on the MTEL website), so I’ve been busy with other stuff in the meantime. See more at inanutshelll.com.

    But yesterday my spirits were lifted by the simple presence of my sister-in-law. She’s a first grade teacher, and she really inspires me. She loves her job and her kids, and such confidence makes me want to have her job.

    I should probably start studying for that Math MTEL…

    ina

    PS: The scores for the Communication & Literacy MTEL will be posted this Friday!

  • “One of those” weeks??

    I woke up so discouraged from everything… again. I did have breakfast, so my sugar levels should be fine. Can’t blame it on that this time.

    I just really don’t want to go to work today. But if I stayed home I’d probably be even more miserable. So which is it? What do I want?

    I finished watching Yes Man (2008) this morning, by the way. It doesn’t deserve more review than I’ve already given it, but just thought I’d mention, for the nth time, that I can’t wait to finish the MBA so I can have my time back. Next week it will be March, and we can say I only have 6 more months of it! It’s like being in October 2009 and saying it will be March in 6 months… wait, October was a really long time ago… ok, this analogy didn’t help at all. 6 months is a really long time… But it’s less than a year! 🙂

    Man, I need new goals… I need to spice up my life… this is not living.

    ina

    PS: I learned a new HTML tag while writing this entry. <sup> will format the text as superscript. Nifty.

  • Unexpected Reasons to Smile

    This was Boston’s version of a random act of happiness 🙂 Definitely tickled my funny bone 🙂

    50% off on Income Tax Preparation at Liberty Tax Service (617-445-0202) with Promo Code: 19439

    Happy tax preparation to all 🙂

    ina

  • Gender role, Schmender schmrole

    So I didn’t go to the gym today. Why, do you ask? Because when I got home my driveway was covered in 4 inches of snow. Even if I had wanted to go to the gym, I would have had to drive over the snow, pressing it into ice against the pavement, and just made it harder for myself to remove it later on. And seriously, was I really going to shovel when I got home? I don’t think so. So, in lieu of going to the gym, I shoveled the driveway… broke a good sweat, too!

    Tonight’s workout

    Brian bought us chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner from the grocery store, and got me a dozen roses for our missed ♥ Valentine’s Day ♥ 🙂 He prepared dinner and served it while I finished the shoveling.

    Valentine’s Day Roses

    I love equality in gender roles. I think that one of the important aspects of our marriage is the fact that we just do whatever it takes, whether it is shoveling the driveway or making dinner, in order to live. We don’t stick to a role (he doesn’t *always* do the dishes, and I don’t *always* do the laundry), and we help the other out whenever things need to get done. That’s what 50-50 means. We basically removed the anxiety and frustration of waiting for the other to do a job, and we just both do every job. It works like a charm, and we both feel appreciated and helped. I ♥ my Brian.

    ina

  • Some good work news for a change

    I’m getting a new role in my current company! It’s been in the works for a little while, but it’s official now! I’m working hard core to transition my stuff to the next person in line, and I’ll be starting with a new team in March!

    It feels great, to do something totally different for a change 🙂 It’s the same feeling I used to get when a new school year began: new crisp notebooks, all new school supplies, maybe a new backpack, and the eagerness to do better this time around!

    Let’s see how long the excitement lasts 🙂 YEAHHH!

    ina

  • Thank You – 279 Views

    Thanks to everyone who visited my blog yesterday. I got an unprecedented 279 views yesterday alone. Great milestone!

    Thank you for stopping by!

    ina

  • The Maid Challenge

    I always had a maid growing up. Not because my family was so affluent, but because in Caracas most parents work all day, and somebody has to be at home to wait for the kids to come home from school and give them something to eat, not to mention doing laundry, cleaning and doing essential grocery shopping. Anybody with any knowledge in Latin American culture will tell you the same thing: maids are commonplace. It generates jobs, and keeps both parents working (God knows you need 2 incomes in this city to make rent). Even the smallest apartments will have a room next to the kitchen for a live-in maid.

    I could tell you a billion stories about our maid. Actually, my sister Monica Geller might have some really bad ones. Without getting into too much detail, maids rule the house. They can make you feel right at home, or make you feel like you are their slave driver and therefore they give you attitude for no apparent reason. I don’t remember ever feeling “right at home,” though. I remember having good fun with our maid sometimes, but mostly I remember not feeling comfortable even walking into the house, fearful I would get a bazooka of attitude pointed at me. My sister has gone as far as describing our maid’s behavior as borderline abusive. My little sister, Tina Fey, and I don’t remember it in those terms.

    The reason I bring it up now is that my grandmother has a maid. She comes a few times a week to help with cleaning and cooking, and she has helped my grandmother for many many years now. However, for some reason, this is the first time I’ve ever met her. It’s most likely because she comes on weekdays, and we always visited on weekends. Well, I had my chance to meet her on this trip.

    She has been completely polite. She refers to me as “usted” (which is the formal form of “you”), and makes sure there are always enough arepas for breakfast for me. The thing is, I don’t feel very comfortable around her. Nothing really against her, I’m sure she’s a very lovely person. It just brings me back to those days when our maid would make us feel like we felt entitled or superior, and I don’t like to be made feel that way. I have felt so uncomfortable, in fact, that I don’t like looking at her in the eyes. She’s shorter than I am, and that alone makes me feel awkward (it gives an additional meaning to “looking down” on someone). I overcompensate by smiling a lot, saying “thank you” a lot and saying “please” a lot, and saying her name a lot, so she knows I don’t feel entitled.

    The unintentional result of my awkwardness is that she will see an aloof and distant version of myself… hence feeding into her opinion that I feel entitled. It’s a vicious cycle, and I just don’t have a better way to explain it. I guess you just have to be in that position. Maybe if I were a better, more noble, person I would not be bothered at all. Sigh, sometimes I wish I could just get out of my head.

    Maybe some day I’ll tell you some of our maid stories… that would make for a really interesting blog.

    ina

  • About something else

    I’m on the train with nothing to do but blog (which I certainly don’t mind one bit). I’d like to get out of my head for a second and blog about something else. Something I have not been obsessing over, but would be nice to open up and talk about.

    … Mmmm… I thought I’d come up with something by the time I finished writing that sentence, but… *blank*. I don’t know what… After all, anything I say will be coming from inside my head… So I won’t really achieve getting out of it, huh?

    Random thoughts:

    • The person next to me on the train has a kindle. I wish I had a kindle.
    • I didn’t have enough $ to pay for $4 parking fee at the station. I’ll have to pay $5 when I get back.
    • I’ve discovered that I am really bad at negotiating, but I have all the eagerness in the world to get better
    • I’m happy that Monica Geller and I get along so well now after so many years of animosity and teenage angst hanging over us
    • I think I might be afraid of having children without being ready, and I’m afraid of never being ready
    • On a more upbeat note, I declare that today will be a great day 🙂
    • I love it that Taylor Swift is now a Grammy winner. She’s so perfect and talented.
    • I wanted to get my boots fixed today, but left them at home by mistake!
    • I love Boston

    ina

  • Why Do We Judge?

    Ever since writing the Frenemies post, I have been quite uneasy. I can’t stop thinking of myself as a bad person for judging my friends, which has led me to ask myself: Why do I judge? What is it about their lives that I find so threatening to the point of having feelings about what they do or don’t do?

    "El que se pica, es porque ají come" — literally translated, this expression means "If you feel the burn, it must be because you ate a hot chili pepper."* In other words, if you find offense to something someone else said, it’s probably because of your own insecurities in the matter. This is also known as a challenge of identity.

    To further illustrate this point, take this example: Mary and Jimmy are talking about Joe, a common friend. Mary says that Joe is a bum for not getting a job. Jimmy, who has a great job and has worked really hard to keep it in this economy, will probably agree with Mary and think that Joe could be working harder on getting his life back together.

    Now pretend that Jimmy is unemployed and hasn’t been able to find a job for a year, and it’s not for lack of trying! When Mary says that Joe is a bum for not getting a job, you might find Jimmy adopting a defensive stance: "that’s not fair! There are NO jobs out there!" — do you think that Jimmy is standing up for Joe because he’s his friend? Or is he really standing up for himself and his own identity, which has now come into question EVEN when the comment wasn’t about him?

    Actually, in both cases you can see that Jimmy has a feeling about the comment, but it’s not about Joe at all. Who cares what Joe does or doesn’t do? It’s really Jimmy’s identity that is being targeted in both occasions, and that is what Jimmy is responding to. If this was really about Joe, Jimmy’s personal situation would not affect his reaction to Mary’s comment. Jimmy is just as much Joe’s friend when he has a job than when he doesn’t.

    So really, when we judge our friends, we are simply looking at ourselves in the mirror.

    So, what is it about my friends’ perspectives that challenge my own identity? I’d like to explore this a little more. I know it’s not them, so what is it about me that I find is being questioned?

    ina

    * A close equivalent English expression would be “if the shoe fits, wear it” — although maybe not quite.

  • Drained

    It has been a rough week with virtually no down time. Monday I worked off site, went to the gym, and got home late. Tuesday and Wednesday I had class and went to bed as soon as I got home. Tonight I’ll be going straight to the gym after work and then meet up with my friend, whom we’ll call Alicia Keys, for a late dinner. Then I have to get up early tomorrow to balance some accounts for Sweet Dee before going to meet her at 10am. Then go meet Charlotte in Cambridge for our very last finance session. Then leave early to be back in Norwood for a homework session with a school buddy. Then get home and pack to leave early the next morning for my home country for a week.

    I’m very much going to enjoy not doing any work whatsoever while I’m out of the country. I’ll just visit relatives, take care of some official business, and blog the heck out of myself.

    My hubby Brian will be coming with me. He always gets nervous whenever we go because he doesn’t speak Spanish. And now he’s extra self-conscious because he’s gained some weight and I’m an idiot for giving him a heads up that my family might mention something about that. I know, I did not think before I spoke. I think I’m going to buy him a bathing suit anyway and leave it up to him to wear it when we go to my aunt’s pool (even though he’s asked me not to buy him one). I feel so bad to have fed his insecurity, especially because I really don’t care about his weight, I just didn’t want my family’s possible comments to catch him by surprise… maybe they won’t say anything at all, and I’m just the biggest dope ever.

    Anyways, I’m looking forward to getting away. Not looking forward to a busy meeting-packed day, though. Hope you all have a nice day.

    ina

  • My Six-Word Memoir

    Always changing; that will never change.

    From NPR: Can You Tell Your Life Story In Exactly Six Words?

    ina

  • Groundhog Day

    Yesterday was Groundhog Day. To some, it’s just a yearly event where the good people in Punxsutawney, PA, celebrate around a groundhog to hear its winter forecast: if the rodent sees a shadow, we’ll get 6 more weeks of winter (which it did this year). To others, it’s a day of reflection rooted in the Bill Murray 1993 movie “Groundhog Day” where the main character, Phil, gets stuck reliving the same day (Feb 2nd) day after day after day. I’m in that latter group.

    What would it be like if my Groundhog Day had repeated over and over? Let’s start with what happened on Day 1:

    • Overslept right through my alarm and had to apply lotion and eat a banana on the train (not the most glamorous situation, take it from me)
    • Go to work and had several productive meetings during the day (they felt good)
    • Had lunch with my sister Tina Fey (it was so much fun)
    • Had a couple more meetings (could have done without these)
    • Rushed home at 5pm but train ran late, so I got home at 6:10, grabbed my left-over soup and rushed to school
    • Got to school at 6:40, warmed up my soup in the dinky dinky microwave for 3 minutes and it was STILL cold
    • Met a couple of people, and ran into some people I hadn’t seen in a while, at the grad lounge (it was crowded and loud, not pleasant overall)
    • Had a great class on Negotiating (very animated class — love it)
    • Ran into a friend from school at the end of class, and we walked to the car together. Turns out we’ll both be taking the same classes this summer and be DONE with the MBA
    • Got home at 10:15, got ready for bed, kissed my LOST-obsessed husband goodnight, and went to bed
    • Got woken up at 3am when Brian came to bed after watching all last season episodes of Lost, plus last night premiere episode.

    Overall, it was a good day! I really wouldn’t have minded having that day over and over.

    If that day repeated itself, I have the feeling I would still oversleep every time (awful start to the day), the meetings would go the same, the lunch with my sister would be a highlight, I’d probably opt for taking an earlier train back home so I can eat before leaving for class, the Negotiating class would be awesome, and I’d love ending the day catching up with my old friend. I might try to do a better job at convincing my husband to come to bed with me at 10pm, but I have the feeling he would have never gone for it, so I’d be doomed to be woken up at 3am for all eternity. It’s OK, though, I sleep like a rock… it wouldn’t affect me much.

    What was your Groundhog Day like? What would you have changed if you could have?

    ina

  • Frenemies

    Let’s face it: we don’t always love all of our friends.

    If you have accumulated friends over different stages of your life, you have probably noticed that you have lost those things that used to connect you to some of them. Maybe they were your drinking buddies in college, and nowadays you would rather relax at home with a glass of wine, over braving the streets plastered until 2am every weekend. Maybe they were your best friends in high school, but you just don’t have a heck of a lot to talk about anymore. Maybe they were your wing man (or woman) when you were single, and you are just over the whole manhunting affair. Maybe you admired their life, and now you just resent them for always looking down on you. Or maybe you are just a judgmental control freak and have a hard time letting your friends lead their own lives their own way, and get frustrated when they don’t follow your advice. I’d put a check mark on that last one based on recent events.

    I just went through a girlfriend quarrel with Charlotte. Things are fine now (I think), but we decided to stop doing finances together in order to get back on equal footing in our relationship. Truth was, I was being judgmental, and she started to resent me for it (and rightfully so).

    This entire ordeal got me thinking about the concept of “friends.”

    When I was in elementary and middle school, I had a very hard time making friends; but when I did have them, we were TIGHT. We would wait for each other at the school entrance every morning, we would spend every recess together, and then go home and talk on the phone for hours at a time. We would share our innermost feelings and deepest secrets without any regard for what the other might think, because we were one and the same. We’d spend all of our free time together, have sleepovers, and wouldn’t even consider the thought of going to a party unless they were invited, too. Now that I think of it, these friendships sound more like full blown relationships, don’t they?

    I guess those are the types of friendships that made an impact in my own perception of what a friendship should be like: they should be pure and they give you completely open rights to say anything that was on your mind without fear of being judged. Unfortunately, not even those tight friendships lasted longer than a school year. Something always got in the way. I don’t keep in touch with any of those girls now, and it still hurts my soul to think back on those breakups. Maybe there is room for only one exclusive relationship in our lives at any given time, and Brian is mine: we love each other deeply, we accept each other completely, and he listens to ANYTHING I want to say without judgment. So why do I need a girlfriend? Maybe to talk about him 😛

    Since Brian has filled my exclusive-friendship hole, I am afraid that all my other friends may have jumped to a secondary plane in my life. I might never get that kind of closeness out of a friendship with a girl ever again. Does this mean that I’ll never really get to know my girlfriends? Are we just pleasant acquaintances who tell each other what we want to hear for support, while really judging each other’s lives and opinions at the same time? Have we lost that sense of loyalty we had when we were little? Whatever happened to accepting without judgment?

    My sister Tina Fey thinks this is all completely normal and I might be being too hard on myself. We had lunch today and pondered the reality of adult girl-on-girl friendships. She admitted to judging her friends and simply wondered how could she NOT? She couldn’t help but thinking that some of her friends were lazy, or that they didn’t seem to get their act together with any kind of assertiveness. I chuckled several nervous laughs: are we allowed to say what we really think of our friends? The point was that it might not be right or appropriate to gossip and say nasty things about our own friends, but we THINK those things anyway, and we ALL do. It was refreshing to know that other girls judge one another, too, and that does not mean that we have to stop being friends. As long as we are able to accept those differences and still enjoy spending time together, the friendship is as normal as they come. So maybe I won’t be judging myself friendless after all 🙂

    To my friends: I am not perfect, and I know you are not either, but I do actually care about you, even when we do things differently. What I can offer you is a friendly ear to listen, a jovial disposition to have a good time, and an uncontrollable desire to help you find happiness. Sometimes this urge may make me appear controlling and judgmental, and I am sorry for that in advance. All I really want is for you to happy and for your dreams to come true. And when I need a shoulder to cry on, I know you will be there for me, too… even if you think the reason I’m crying about is totally stupid.

    To help our friendship survive despite our human flaws, I vow to ask myself before I speak: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

    Good luck to all you “friends” out there. Sounds like we’ll all need it.

    ina

  • My Weak Brain and Me

    This blog contains a work confession, so this is between you and me, ok?

    When I got to work today, I immediately jumped back into the activity I left off on Friday evening. Once I finished it, I moved onto the next task. I was really proud of myself that I was actually getting work done! Then, I got a ping from my boss, whom we’ll call Palmer (after the former President on 24 because my boss is a very nice African American guy who commands respect):

    Palmer: Do you have the metrics for the next review?
    ina: you’ll have them very soon!

    I had forgotten about that analysis. I can do it in about an hour, it’s really not a big deal, but I felt very overwhelmed. I was already on a roll with one task, and all of the sudden something else got piled up in my brain. So what was the next thing I did? I opened FreeCell.

    Why did I do that? The more work I have, the more stressed out I should feel, and the more pressure to get it done I should feel. Then why on Earth was my first impulse to open up a solitaire card game?

    The answer lies in this study from NPR’s Radio Lab: Willpower and the ‘Slacker’ Brain.

    That’s a story that I think EVERYONE should listen to. Don’t just read it, click on the LISTEN link.

    It basically explains that the brain is remarkably weak and lacking in willpower. It gave the example of a study where a group of people were given some numbers to memorize: some people were given 2 numbers, and others were given 7 numbers. After being given them, they would just have to walk down the hall and recite the number in another room. What they didn’t know was that the experiment was really outside of those rooms.

    On the way to the second room to recite the number, they passed by the study team’s snack bar. They offered them a snack as a “Thank You” for participating in the study, and they were given a choice between fruit salad and a decadent yummy chocolate cake. The results: an overwhelming majority of the people who were given 7 numbers to memorize picked the cake over the fruit.

    The reason: the brain spends extra power in staying on course. When it’s busy doing something (like memorizing a long number), it gets that much weaker at fighting urges. But when it’s doing something easy (like memorizing just two numbers), it can retain control of itself and make smarter choices (like picking the fruit salad over the cake). The conclusion is that the brain is SO weak, that just memorizing 7 numbers over 2 made a big difference in will power.

    That is what happened to me: I spend all day trying to stay on track. I was already on a roll and my brain was busy. When a new task came in, my brain got really really lazy and could not help itself: it’s time for FreeCell!

    To my credit, I realized what was happening as soon as I opened the program, and closed it right away… then I opened Notepad and wrote this bit about it 🙂 So I guess I didn’t really succeed in battling my weakness at all.

    Good luck to all of you with your weak brains, sounds like you’ll need it.

    ina

  • Resolutions

    New Year’s Resolutions are what you make of them. Some people take them very seriously (that’s their to-do list for the rest of the year), and others do them just for fun (let’s see what are all the things I won’t do this year either). For me, they are an excuse to get together with friends and kick-off the year on a good note.

    For the past 3 years I have hosted a “New Year’s Resolutions Party” at my house with all of my girlfriends. The very first year I went out and bought a fishbowl and filled it with colorful pieces of paper with typical resolution ideas. At the party, all the guests (only women are invited) are provided with a notepad and a pen (Heaven knows I have accumulated enough Sheraton notepads from training sessions over the years), and then the process begins. What we do is pass the bowl around, and each person reads an idea out loud. If the idea sounds appealing, the guests can write it down on their notepads and the bowl keeps moving on. What’s great about it is that these ideas spark all sorts of conversations, and you know the party is going GREAT when we even forget who has the bowl because there is so much chatter going on.

    The first two years we would sit on the floor on blankets and cushions, but now that I have a marvelous sectional couch, and a futon I haven’t gotten rid of yet, we were able to sit in a square-shape and have all the food in the middle. It was really great to see friends who had never come to the party before having a great time and connecting with the other girls. I can’t get enough of the sound of my friends having a good time with some of my friends whom they never met before.

    In case you were wondering, here are the ideas that made it into my list:

    • Spend less money on eating out
    • Read more books for fun
    • Go to Church with my next door neighbor (I’m getting a Church buddy!)
    • Go to Zumba class at the gym (recommended by my sister-in-law)
    • Continue going to the gym 3 times a week
    • Get my teaching license
    • Go to a psychic (this one might need revision)
    • Stick to my healthy diet
    • Help more people with finances (on a more professional basis)
    • Get a curly perm (YEAH!!! Will get one done with my sister-in-law in March!!!)
    • Watch less TV
    • Spend more time with my sister, Tina Fey
    • Call my mother once a week
    • Go in business with my sister-in-law (she’s a great crafter, I’m going to help her sell it online)
    • Learn from my friend how to spend as little money as possible in clothes and groceries

    I wish I could think of clever names for my sisters-in-law. One is a very artsy elementary school teacher (that’s the one that I’m getting the perm done with), and the other (younger) is tall and gorgeous and a total free spirit. I think I’ll name the latter Dharma, from Dharma & Greg. But I’m having trouble with the former… I’ll think of something.

    Good luck with your resolutions! I know I’ll need some with mine 🙂

    ina

    This is my 100th Post! 🙂

  • Anxious

    I’m anxious today. Something set me off this morning and I can’t put my finger on what it was.

    I was good with my meals yesterday, and I even went to the gym (despite my having been home beforehand and having felt the velvety wonderfulness that is my Apple-logo stamped couch). So I can’t exactly pinpoint any reasonable physical cause for my anxiety this morning.

    I hope I get some cleaning done quickly so I can spend the rest of the day setting up for an all-girls party I’m hosting tonight.

    Send me your good vibes so my mood picks up, please!

    sad ina

  • Units of Ina

    I am going to try my best at writing a response worthy of Erin’s post regarding "Unit of Erin" — how many things can you measure in units of Erin? Anything that weighs 106 pounds or a multiple of it, or the number of smiles Erin manages to put on people’s faces throughout the day.

    I have to say that I do have units of ina that I think about often, and that is anything that measures 5 feet. Granted, I’m actually 5’1", but it’s easier to round down and measure things in terms of ina. When I am trying to eyeball how far away something is from something else, I picture myself lying on the ground and I count how many of me’s it would take to connect the two somethings together. This is true.

    Now, for the more philosophical unit of ina, I wish I could say it was equivalent to the number of smiles I purposely try to get on people’s faces, like Erin does, but that would not be a fair account. Actually, you could count the number of people I piss off throughout the day instead quite easily! But that’s a bit negative, isn’t it?

    On a more positive note, a unit of ina also measures bold ideas (also known as stupid, over-the-top, crazy, idealistic, irrational, unrealistic, you pick your favorite adjective). Since I haven’t quite figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life, I tend to use up 80% of my brain power every day exploring new ways to spark excitement and look forward to something new to do. These ideas can come in all shapes and sizes, and most times they are simply enjoyed while they last. One bold idea = One unit of ina.

    These ideas have materialized in several ways:

    Idea: Wanting to become a doctor
    Roots: I watched a lot of ER in 2004
    Actions:

    • I volunteered at 3 hospitals in 3 states, while I was examining the idea of going to med school
    • I bought the MCAT study book (err… never opened it)
    • I read the books "Complications" and "How to Get into Med School"
    • I requested applications from the University of Washington regarding their Pharmacology program
    • I bought "Organic Chemistry" tapes, and studied basic chemistry on my free time

    Idea: Wanting to open my own Coffee Shop
    Roots: I had just moved to Boston in 2006 and spent time at Cafes hanging out with friends, and thought that there was no other place I’d rather spend a full day in
    Actions:

    • Read the "How to Open a Coffee Shop" guide
    • Spent countless hours at a local coffee shop looking through business plans online and figuring out my own strategy to get funding
    • Cut out small business news articles and posted them in my cubicle at work
    • Applied to business school… and got in! (will graduate with an MBA in August 2010)

    Idea: Wanting to move to Barcelona for a year (2007)
    Roots: I’ve dreamed of living in France. Barcelona is close to it, and Brian could learn Spanish
    Actions:

    • Started figuring out a way to save up for Brian’s Spanish program
    • Got quotes from moving companies (I’m still getting spam from them!)
    • Started looking for jobs
    • Went on forums and asked locals what life was like

    Idea: Wanting to become a Teacher (2009)
    Roots: Sick of Corporate America after spending 6.5 years in it, looked for a change. Took a look around and I am surrounded by teachers: sister, sister-in-law, next door neighbor, mother-in-law. I like public speaking and I hear that the money sucks, but it’s a very satisfying career.
    Actions:

    • Started subbing at schools in Greater Boston
    • Started a blog to chronicle the career change journey: Teaching Inanutshelll
    • Took the first teaching test and plan on taking the second one in May
    • I browse teaching job sites to see what I’m missing

    There you have it. That is how you measure in terms of inas: distances and bold (or over-the-top) ideas.

    What’s yours?

    ina

  • but I’m a nice person!… right?

    Or so I think of myself… then why do I sometimes I get the impression that people just really don’t like me? I can feel it. It’s like a sixth sense. It feels like tension in the air. Like anything I say can and will be used against me. Like people are on guard in my presence.

    I haven’t put my finger on the exact issue yet, but I definitely understand the feeling because I have experienced it myself: whenever I encounter a woman who is known for her "I’m right all the time" attitude more than she’s known for her kindness and humility, I become intimidated. It’s not even a reputation thing, it’s something you can tell from the way they talk to others, carry themselves, and how they talk to you the first time you meet. This is the kind of woman that will smile at you, but will not be afraid to say No and call you on anything they disagree with, no matter how insignificant it may be. So you just stay quiet and try not to get into an argument about why she doesn’t want to write her name on her "Hello My Name Is" tag because she thinks people should know her name by now. Or you try to ignore it when you help her out by pointing out that you can get multiple lines on a single cell of Excel by doing Alt+Enter as opposed to using spaces to wrap the text, and she just says "that’s nice, that’s nice" as you’re talking to try to get you to shut up and leave her alone. And you definitely don’t argue when she says she doesn’t have time to do what you asked her to do.

    Is that how people see me? That inflexible? Am I so set in my own ways that people have experienced discomfort when they express a different view in my presence?

    On the one hand, I recall so many times when I have listened to people talk about things I disagree with and I am polite in either not arguing or saying my point of view without offending the other person. I always think of the possibility that I may be wrong, and many times I even say those words out loud so that there is no doubt: "You are right." My husband hears this a lot, and he extends the same courtesy to me when I am right.

    On the other hand, I can’t stop thinking about the feedback I have received from my immediate family. I have been told that I don’t listen and that I never accept that others could be right, especially when they are criticizing me.

    Having such conflicting ideas in my head is really creating an internal crisis for me. So what am I? Open-minded and accepting of others’ differences and ideas? Or am I a close-minded won’t-touch-her-with-a-10-ft-pole nutcase that goes around the world intimidating innocent bystanders?

    I hope I’m the first, but I’m open to the idea of being wrong about this. Scary thought, though.

    ina

  • I ♥ Boston

    I took this picture on my way to the Copley train station last night, on Boylston Street.

    (click to enlarge)

    Pictured: the Hancock building, the Boston Public Library, and the moon.

    ina

  • Getting Text-Shamed and Twittermail

    I got a call from Verizon yesterday.

    I have a bad habit: I pick up the phone when I don’t recognize a phone number, and I call back people who leave me voicemails or send me texts when it’s clear they meant to contact someone else. Usually they are grateful I called back, so they can try again or update their contact lists.

    Having said that, I’m usually pretty good at hanging up right away if I hear a pause after I say "hello." That usually means it is an automated system calling a bunch of numbers at once, in which case I’m not interested. For some reason, I did wait this time… It was my cellphone provider.

    They called to tell me that I have gone over my text messaging allowance, and it went something like this:

    Verizon: We see you have gone over by 102 messages this month, an overage of $11. Let’s see what options are available to increase your plan…
    ina: Actually I am not interested in changing my plan at all.
    Verizon: But I could check out your account and figure out what happened…
    ina: I probably did go over, and I’ll just watch it next time.
    Verizon: But there may be a better plan…
    ina: Are those plans online? Can I read about them there?
    Verizon: Yes…
    ina: Ok, I’ll check them out with my husband when I get home and figure it out from there.
    Verizon: Ok, I can call you back when you are ready to…
    ina: (Begging) PLEASE don’t call me back. We’ll figure it out.
    Verizon: Thank you for using Verizon Wireless. Have a good day.
    ina: You, too.

    I couldn’t believe they called me to shame me about my texting usage! But they have a point. The main reason I’m over is because of Twitter: I get updates from some of my friends as texts, and I always update my status by texting Twitter at 40404.

    This is stupid, because we thought that by having a smartphone with email I wouldn’t need texting as much! So I found a Twitter tool online that you can use to EMAIL your updates to Twitter. Just go to twittercounter.com, and sign up for Twittermail (free). It generates a unique and secret email address for you to email your Twitter updates, and ensures that any replies will arrive in your email.

    No more expensive texting! Save your financial environment: emails are free 🙂

    Hope this tip helps you save some $$$

    ina

  • An Objective Look

    [Warning: cheesy and “me”-focused entry ahead. Proceed at your own risk]

    I’ve been writing too much about the things cluttering my mind. I think it’s time for a happy and optimistic blog.

    Sometimes we forget how lucky we really are, and it takes for a situation to get worse for us to realize how good we had it before. Do we really have to experience loss to appreciate what we have?

    Here are the things that are objectively great about my life, and I would rather not lose them because I appreciate them NOW:

    • I have a loving family where mostly everyone gets along
    • I have a husband who would do anything for me, and who knows I would do anything for him right back
    • My family is safe, in touch, and they have everything they need to survive and be happy
    • I have a roof over my head and food in my tummy every day
    • I have a brain that works perfectly fine and that has a lot of potential for more development
    • I can see, I can walk, I can hear, and I can feel
    • I am healthy
    • I am free to choose my own destiny and be whatever I want to be

    These may sound basic, but they are priceless.

    I do thank God for so many of the things I have no control over, and for helping me through life, through good and bad.

    ina

  • A wet and sticky start

    I got up with the alarm today and left the room (I’m still trying to let Brian get some sleep by not snoozing), but I was stumbling all over the place (so tired). After washing my hands, I went straight for breakfast: put a Gibb muffin in the microwave, and poured myself a huge glass of orange juice (my grandmother used to say that it seemed like I wanted to shower in OJ rather than drink it). Mental note: there’s just a little bit left, should buy more. Then grabbed the butter, a paper towel, a knife and the muffin and went downstairs to the family room with the full intention of lying back down on our brand new couch (which we waited way too much time for and spent way too much money on) while I watched some TV (House, if you must know).

    I put my breakfast on an adjacent TV table, I lied down on one side of the sectional, put a couple of blankets on me (oooh warmth), started pulling the TV table closer to me, and WOOOSSHHH!!! the orange juice spilled all over the floor and on the couch. I got up, still half asleep, but rushing as fast as I could, to the laundry room, where we keep the bulk load of paper towels. I must have used a whole roll drying up the mess. I needed it dry ASAP so there would be no damage to the laminate floor (which is not supposed to get wet) or the new couch’s upholstery. I thought Brian would kill me if he found out about the spill, but then I remembered that just last week he had accidentally overheated his Mac’s power cord’s box on the couch, and now the couch has a square imprint on it with the Apple logo embossed in the center… so maybe we could just call it even.

    I took the empty glass and the beach-ball sized bunch of wet paper towels up to the kitchen, and poured myself the last of the orange juice that was remaining. Mental note (revised): buy more OJ.

    By the time I got back to my cozy blankets, my muffin was cold again. I gave up and ate it anyway.

    So, I’m running late for work this morning. You got a problem with that?

    ina

    Apple Logo imprint

  • Move fast or slow?

    I am feeling very conflicted right now. Here’s more or less what my train of thought has been for the past 2 days:

    • Finished first MTEL, yay!
    • I got too much going on in February, and it will be impossible to take the next MTEL on March 6th. Plus, the deadline has passed and I’d have to pay more if I wanted to do a late registration. I’ll just take the second MTEL in May
    • But taking it in May means I would not be able to apply for jobs in the Fall for sure
    • Oh, look! There’s an opening down the street for a Math Teacher for this Fall! (blood rushes, excitement builds up)
    • Maybe I COULD rush it and take the subject-matter MTEL in March!
    • But I got too much going on in February, I won’t be able to study

    You see, the thing is that I don’t know if I’m going to be ready to change careers in the Fall. I got a raise coming up and I want to ride on it for a little while before giving it up. The thought of staying at my current job for another year is quite gloomy, but at the same time, I’ll be graduating in August, and I don’t know if I could handle SO much of a change all at once. Maybe I should take my raise, get my license without any rush, enjoy my holidays, keep taking MTELs until I got all the licenses I wanted, and apply for the following year.

    My immediate reaction to what I just wrote is “I know that’s the right choice, but I don’t want to feel like I’m settling.” I try to tell myself that as long as I’m making progress (getting licenses), I am on the right track.

    I’m so scared of this change. Am I just trying to sabotage myself by slowing down?

    ina

  • Mood Follow-up

    Thanks to Christine, Halfawake, and Erin for your notes. You’re the best for reading and the bestest for writing back 🙂

    My mood picked up in the late evening. As promised, I did get off my bum and went to the gym. The water aerobics class was hard work! I was really giving it my all. It almost ruined it for me that all the others in the class were doing it half-assed and were just facing one another chatting away while the teacher screamed the instructions over their chatter. Granted, I don’t expect everyone to be as energetic as I am, but at least pretend to have a little respect for the instructor’s time, you know?? Oh, and by the way, if anyone is looking for a place to meet and catch up with girlfriends, and you are at least 65 years of age, my water aerobics class is for you.

    After the gym I went to the grocery store and got the ingredients for the muffins. I made them tonight and I think it was a success! I’ll have them in the morning and let you know how they tasted 🙂 By the way, when they tell you to blend the wet ingredients, please do use a blender and not the food processor that you already had so conveniently out because you used it to chop the almonds. Take it from me: it’s not worth the mess! 🙂

    Lastly, I got to plan a little trip to Wahington DC for my anniversay this year 🙂 it’s probably the only place that, so far, Brian and I will travel to together where I haven’t been already. It’ll be a discovery for the both of us 🙂 What’s also neat is that our anniversary falls on Memorial Day! Who knows, maybe we’ll get a peek of an Obama speech somewhere at some point 🙂

    Great end to a taxing day. Hope you are all having a good start to your week!

    ina

  • I’m having one of those days

    [Warning: Stop reading HERE if you’re in a good mood and you’d like to remain that way. This one’s a downer]

    You know someone is not in the best state of mind when they tell you “I’m having one of those days.” You’re probably not going to see that phrase accompanied by a smiley face, or followed by “it’s great!” And how do you know that? Because you have been there, too. Someone asks us how we are, and we don’t want to say “sad” or “depressed” or “in desperate need of saving” because that would put too much of a burden on the kind soul who was nice enough to ask in the first place. So we just say “I’m having one of those days.”

    It’s raining outside, and it’s having an immensely negative impact on my state of mind. I felt like it was raining even before I got out of bed. I had breakfast, but I was too busy to have lunch until 2:30pm. By then I was so hungry and tired and down that I couldn’t fathom the idea of cooking. I went out and got myself a cheeseless pizza with spinach and onions from Stash’s. I had 4 slices and froze the rest. Why am I telling you about every minute of my day? I don’t know. I guess I just need to put some things out into the world.

    I am still planning on going to the gym today. There is an aqua aerobics class tonight, and I want to give it a shot. Even if I still feel down, I will go.

    I’m so tired that my eyes just want to close.

    How to define it… mmm… let’s see: I am not feeling anxious, though I might be a little depressed. I can’t say I’m depressed unless I feel like crying, and I don’t. I’m definitely down. I could blame it on last night’s dinner, but I don’t want to be such a coward. This happens sometimes, and I need to figure out the fastest way to snap out of it.

    Maybe I should just focus on getting some reading done for school, going to the gym, having dinner, buying the ingredients to make Gibb’s Banana Oat Muffins, and just catching up on some sleep. I am dead tired.

    It’s hard when these things hit you and you have no idea where they came from. I’m a very fortunate woman and there is no reason for me to feel down. Let’s just wait this one out and try life again tomorrow.

    Alright, thanks for reading this far. I’ll hang in there.

    ina

  • The Grass is Green on Your Side, Too

    I think everyone should read this post by Erin On Life. It’s very well written, and it was very inspirational.

    The grass is green on your side, too

    ina

  • First Day of School

    I went to my first class of the semester last night. I did feel like it was my first day of school: I was a little nervous not having the syllabus beforehand, and by the fact that I was running a little late and I might be put on the spot. I walked in at exactly 7 o’clock and everybody was already sitting down… and it wasn’t one of those "get lost in the crowd" auditorium style classrooms like I hoped. It was probably the smallest room I have ever taken a class in since I started almost 3 years ago. Big sigh.

    The class is called "Negotiating" and it was fabulous! The teacher is very animated, and every class we will run a series of role plays taking different sides of negotiations and try to figure it out how to crack a deal.

    My partner and I realized that, on the case, the seller’s floor was higher than the buyer’s ceiling. So we put our "student" hats on and tried to figure out how to reach a deal without compromising our money limits, as the assignment probably intended for us to do. I came up with a REALLY creative idea all based on the information provided on the case, and we had the best deal in the class! The only part that sucked was when the teacher called me and another girl out for lying on our "floors" during the negotiation (we had both decided to round up from $3350 to $3400). I felt crummy about being called a liar, so that’s probably something I won’t be doing again!

    On the up side, two of the textbooks are books I already own! NICE 🙂

    Overall, great class. Got to see my buddy from last semester, and got to meet some really cool people, like a girl who was born and raised in my home country until she was a teenager! Her parents are not from there, so you wouldn’t know this by looking at her. I’d never met such a hybrid before! It was very interesting.

    I have been self-betraying these past couple of days: I have been going to bed too late fully knowing that I will pay for it the next day. I need to go to bed as soon as I get home from class tonight. Must stop this conscious destructive cycle!

    Have a nice day, everyone!

    ina

    PS: Scott Brown won the Senate race over Martha Coakley last night. All I’m gonna say is that he might live in Wrentham and drive a truck all he wants, but I better get my new Healthcare reform!

  • Another Self Indulging Entry

    The Body Cleanse is going well, although I slipped last night. I really shouldn’t have had pizza (Bertucci’s Carmine and Margherita, plus rolls, in case you were wondering). I thought it would be alright if I kept it to a couple of small slices, but it wasn’t alright. I ended up feeling really anxious on my way home (tell-tale sign of junk food overdose). I gotta be more careful with what I eat. For realz.

    Yesterday, my good work friend, alias Enrique Montoya, took me on a little tour of Shaws after lunch to scout for healthy snacks. You see, Enrique is a full blown vegetarian who knows everything about healthy eating, so I recruited his help to solve the $64K Question: what to eat before I go to the gym so that I’m not starving while I work out?

    The options he gave me were fruit, light cheese, wheat crackers, yogurt, healthy English muffins (Thomas’ BetterStart Light Multi-Grain) and peanut butter (Jif Reduced Fat Creamy). I opted for the last two. I had 1 English muffin, easy on the PB, at around 3:30pm (when hunger struck) and I went swimming at 6pm – not hungry at all!

    Which leads me to my next point: swimming was great! But I don’t know how much of a workout I actually got. I didn’t know what to do, or for how long, or whether I was doing enough of it. I think I have a better idea for what to do next time 🙂 (which will be Thursday).

    School begins tonight. I only know 1 person in tonight’s class (someone I like), and 1 person in tomorrow night’s class (someone I don’t particularly care for). Should be interesting.

    Wish me luck,

    ina

  • Met goals for Sunday

    I’m feeling good right now… it’s 8:14pm, and I’m watching the Golden Globes with my sister (Tina Fey) and husband. (John Lithgow just won for Dexter!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!).

    I signed up for a gym so that I could do something fun for exercise: swimming! I already packed my bag. I’m going right after work tomorrow. The gym is only 3 miles from my house!!! I also stuck to a good diet today, so I don’t feel anxious, and I hope to keep it up so that my week goes well (mood-wise). I’m telling you, my mood is indirectly proportional to what I eat: the more fun my food is, the less fun I become.

    The movie “Up” just won for best animated movie!!! We screamed over here… and almost began to cry again just thinking about it.

    Anyways, back to my goals. I also put all the laundry away, planned my meals for the week and went grocery shopping. I’m excited to start the new week! But not as excited to face what is expecting me at work on Monday. Deep breath. I just hope I manage to keep work at work.

    I’m starting school on Tuesday and the teachers have not sent out the syllabus. Every other semester I have emailed the teachers in advance to find out which books we are using and to remind them to send out the syllabus. This time, I’m not in the mood to handhold my teachers. They really should get their act together. Also, the books I have been buying for the past year have been 100% USELESS, so I’m in no rush to get them off the internet.

    Have a good week everyone,

    ina

    PS: MICHAEL C. HALL JUST WON FOR DEXTER!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!! HE’S AWESOME!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!

  • “Talking” Out Loud

    You ever hear people say “I’m just talking out loud”? Duh, is there any other way to talk that isn’t out loud? I cringe every time I hear it. What they actually mean to say is “Thinking out loud.” Well, that’s what I meant to say in the title. This is a brainstorming post.

    I just basically took a 4 day break from my job to try to bring my revs down to zero, in order to reboot my system, since I didn’t get much of a holiday vacation. I have 1 day left, and I really didn’t want to waste it lounging around, taking long naps and watching endless hours of TV. I don’t want this break to have been for naught. So let’s summarize the parts of my brain that have been unscrambled during this break:

    1. I have plenty of time on my hands, and I’m scared to death of not using it wisely, which leads to my never doing or accomplishing anything.
    2. I know that a balanced diet and exercise will automatically boost my well-being, but I’m having a really hard time getting started.
    3. Sometimes I think I would rather have an existence with low expectations than strive for success in whatever I choose to focus on. Success seems exhausting. Isn’t this the definition of “lazy”?
    4. Even though it feels like I’m not doing anything fruitful, I AM attending school and I will get an MBA degree out of it in just 8 months. But even I know that this degree will not bring me happiness.
    5. I’m depleting my energy by worrying, instead of using it to visualize my desired future and going for it.
    6. I think I might be a little depressed.
    7. Maybe I could go swimming after work. I like swimming and it’s great exercise. I used to do aerobics after work in 2004, maybe I could get back on that horse. But where can I swim without having to pay so much per month?
    8. I am positive that I will always dislike my job for as long as I have the problem of thinking I could be doing something better with my time, no matter what it is that I am doing (see point #1)
    9. I still believe I can do anything I put my mind into, and that is a very scary thought. Options are endless and I am afraid of picking the wrong one.

    There you have it. My unscrambled list of fears. I know I can get into a good diet and I can get fit. I just need to put my mind into it. Once I can do that, I know that the motivation to do other things will come.

    I found a blog through Blog Explosion that really tells it like it is when it comes to motivating yourself. The blog is called The Real Mind and the post is called How to Motivate Yourself. One of the pieces of advice I liked the most was that “someone who is ill or depressed is most likely to have a great deal more problems motivating themselves.” We often think that pushing ourselves harder will get us out of our rut, but the truth is that we need to be well from the inside out in order to have higher goals.

    Maybe I could break my “healing” up into stages:

    Week 1 (Jan 18-24): Body Cleanse

    • Plan every meal
    • No unhealthy snacks between meals
    • Get at least 7 hours of sleep
    • Exercise 3 times a week

    Week 2 (Jan 25-Jan 31): Body Cleanse & School Work

    • Follow Body Cleanse guidelines
    • Set aside 3-4hrs for schoolwork

    Week 3 (Feb 1-7): Body Cleanse & School Work

    • Follow Body Cleanse guidelines
    • Set aside 3-4hrs for schoolwork

    Week 4 (Feb 8-14): International Travel

    • Keep to 3 meals a day, no unhealthy snacks between meals
    • Continue exercise routine as time permits

    Week 5 (Feb 15-21): Body Cleanse & School Work

    • Follow Body Cleanse guidelines
    • Set aside 3-4hrs for schoolwork

    The hard part will be prioritize and staying focused. For example, next week I already have plans in the evening every day except for Friday, when I have plans in the morning. I also have plans on Saturday and Sunday. This first week is going to be very hard to keep up, but it’s gotta be done.

    How can we start today?

    • Plan meals for the week – Done!
    • Go grocery shopping – Done!
    • Plan exercise schedule (find a place to go swimming?) – Done!
    • Put laundry away and make sure the house is starting the week in good shape – Done!
    • Study for Saturday’s test – Put off to tomorrow
    • Plan the activities for the week to make sure I will have time to study for the test – Done!

    Ok… let’s start there. It’s going to be really hard to psych myself to do anything right now… but I have to make myself do it. I know it’s for the better. Things will be OK in the end. Baby steps.

    ina

  • Welcome to inanutshelll.com!

    I am proud to announce that you can now reach this blog by going to:

    http://www.inanutshelll.com

    (The crowd goes wild and the Villagers rejoice)

    Special thanks to my hunny for getting the domain name for me 🙂

    ina

  • Psyching Myself Up

    Today is a new day… but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Things weigh on my mind and I feel like all I need is some rest. I wish I could just sleep the day away until I’m so bored that I have no choice but to get up and do SOMETHING.

    I will create a list of things that I MUST accomplish by the end of the day at work, and I’ll force myself to do them one by one, piece by piece. Baby steps.

    If I have any free time after that, I’ll make a list for the things I would like to figure out in life (you know, the other half of the "work/life balance" thing), such as:

    • Studying for the MTEL (which I’m taking in less than 2 weeks)
    • Figure out a realistic workout schedule
    • Plan my meals and actually make them!
    • Read the book sitting on my night table ("Going Rogue" by Sarah Palin)
    • Finish organizing my photographs into albums

    The list is not that long, but I start school next week, and I’d like to stay on top of things to reduce my stress levels throughout the school year. Just 4 more classes. Just 4 more classes. Just 4 more classes. I can do this. 8 months from now all schoolwork will be in the past.

    Now all I need is some time to relax. I just have to make a conscious effort NOT to book myself for anything this weekend.

    To the High Societies: please don’t invite me to anything this weekend. I decline in advance and in bulk. (Phew, glad we got that one out of the way!)

    Ok, time to get crackin’. Manos a la obra!

    ina

  • I love…

    My good friend at Erin On Life showed her readers a good self-boost exercise that is meant to open your mind to loving yourself and to see yourself the way you would like others to see you. I liked how Erin framed it: "Do I love myself? Would I be friends with myself? What do I love about myself that I want others to see?"

    I noticed that she and I have many things in common, but she has a much brighter outlook on life than I do. Inspired by her list, I decided to write my own. Maybe her attitude will rub off on me.

    I love…

    • My hair is silky smooth
    • My body can’t seem to get heavier than 120 pounds at its worst
    • My smile
    • My comedic timing
    • My ability to feel things deeply
    • My natural impulse to want to make others happy
    • My anal tendencies, which help me prevent mini-crises (such as getting lost, or forgetting important things)
    • Trying other professions for size
    • Doing silly things in public
    • My desire to opt for harmony rather than conflict, even when I’m right
    • My passion for karaoke
    • My No-BS attitude
    • My cuddly, huggy and loving nature
    • Being short

    I have to say that this list was VERY difficult to create without saying "but" or putting conditionals to my good traits (e.g. My hair is silky smooth, but only when I iron it). I also know that in my head I created an alternate list 3 times as long as this one with things that I don’t like about myself. Sad, isn’t it?

    I dare you to try to create a completely self-loving list without being tempted to undermine those things you love about yourself. Let yourself go! See how you do…

    ina

  • My 20s Decade

    As I reflected on the decade that has just passed, I couldn’t help but notice that the 2000s (or the "Oughties") were mostly occupied by my 20s. Meaning, that if I had ever wondered what my 20s were going to be like, or what I would accomplish before turning 30, the answer is right in front of me.

    I am 3 short months away from turning 29. No more wondering, no more lists, no more daydreams for what I can do before turning 30. That time is pretty much over.

    So what DID I do in my 20s?

    (not necessarily in this order)

    • I earned a Computer Science degree, with honors
    • I have lived in 4 states: MA, OR, CT and KY
    • I married the love of my life
    • I bought a home
    • I acquired many wonderful friendships
    • I managed to reach my ideal skinny weight (for about 2 weeks)
    • By the end of my 29th year, I will have earned an MBA degree
    • I have traveled to Scotland, Mexico, Brazil, Dominican Republic and Canada
    • I have seen the Pacific ocean
    • I have been to the top of the Sears Tower
    • I have kissed my love at the top of the Empire State Building
    • I have felt, for a moment, what it is like to be truly alone
    • I have felt what it’s like to not be able to live without someone special
    • I am now able to say that my significant other is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and really mean it
    • I have danced in the rain while singing "Singing in the Rain"
    • I bought my very own car, and paid off the loan 1 year early
    • I have made snow angels
    • I have been given a hickey, and I’ve given one
    • I have pulled all-nighters
    • I made a 10-ft tall snowman
    • I have dined at the Rainbow Room on my own dime
    • I have turned heads when I walked into a room
    • I have woken up at 4am just because
    • I have sung a heartfelt song that I wrote myself to my love in front of all our family members
    • I have walked the streets demonstrating for a cause I believe in
    • I have wanted to become a doctor
    • I studied basic chemistry on my free time just for fun
    • I have painted my livingroom green
    • I have a pink computer
    • I have sung alongside a country cover band in a desolate town in Arizona: I just asked, and they said yes
    • I have committed indiscretions that I will regret for as long as I live
    • I have seen all these artists in concert: Kenney Chesney (twice), Barenaked Ladies, Smashmouth, Rascal Flatts, Dierks Bentley (twice), Miranda Lambert (twice), Martina McBride, Sara Evans, Sugarland, Brooks & Dunn, Jake Owen, George Strait, Tracy Lawrence, Gary Allan, Ricardo Montaner, Chayanne, Jimmy Wayne, among others
    • I have gotten drunk and crazy
    • I have gone to Church because I wanted to
    • I have volunteered in hospitals, suicide hotlines, organizing toys, and teaching Spanish to kids
    • I take public transportation to get to work
    • I have been to the Kentucky Derby (infield)
    • I have seen the St Louis Gateway Arch
    • I have been broken up with because I wouldn’t give it up
    • I have interviewed for a job at Microsoft
    • I have hurt others, probably irrevocably
    • I have made some people happy
    • I have been to the top of the Space Needle in Seattle
    • I have laughed until I cried (stole this one from the movie "The Bucket List")
    • I have restored a homeless person’s faith in people who say "I’ll get you on my way back"
    • I have been caught by the police making out in the backseat of a car
    • I have attended the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report, in New York City
    • I have seen Champions on Ice (Michelle Kwon included)
    • I have played DDR at the mall
    • I have beat my entire team (18 men, 2 women) on laser tag
    • I have put myself out there and faced rejection more times than I care to count
    • I have made poor choices
    • Lastly, I have made good choices

    I could sit here and think of more, but just looking at these makes me feel like maybe my 20s weren’t as boring or pointless as I might have originally thought.

    Here’s to the last year of my 20s. Let’s add some more things to this list!

    ina

  • Progress?

    A lot has happened since I signed up for the MTEL in December. My full time job has tried to pull me back and rekindle my interest in it, which I don’t welcome at all, but it’s hard to not react to it in its favor. My leaders want me to succeed so they entice me with raises, new roles, and flexible work arrangements. Temptation is everywhere.

    I have to keep reminding myself that it’s really easy to make the decision to fold when the chips are down. But the smartest time to make a decision is when you can think clearly and weigh all the options that are before you. So maybe it’s a good thing that the situation is looking up at work, so that I can think of my career in an objective manner, and I don’t feel like I’m just running away from a difficult situation.

    Things will get better, and they will get worse again. It’s just the work cycle. The question has always been whether these cycles spend more time in the up than in the down, and so far the answer has consistently been No. I have spent more time complaining about my job than being excited about it. Shouldn’t that be telling enough that it’s time to move on?

    I’d like to take this opportunity that things are looking up to really weigh the pros and cons of changing careers. Maybe I should ease into it. I can get my license and see if I can do some part time work as a teacher. Maybe summer school, maybe teach at a local college or adult education while I’m employed full time, and see if that is what I really want to do.

    Anyways, just thought I’d give you a snippet of what is going on in my head. If any of you out there are thinking of changing careers, and you are having similar thoughts, maybe this will help you with your decision-making process.

    Good luck to you and me,

    ina

  • Hard Start

    I’m having the hardest time kicking in the new year.

    I wish I could say that everything is peachy keen and I got great things lined up for 2010, which I do, but I can’t say it with any kind of enthusiasm. I think I recall feeling this way about 2009 around this time last year. I complained that there was nothing to be excited about, even though I was buying a house. Still, the outlook for 2009 seemed bland and boring.

    One of the things I’d tell myself was that life always throws you curve balls, and I couldn’t possibly anticipate with any sort of certainty what 2009 was REALLY going to be like.

    Well, what things happened in 2009 that were not obvious enough to predict?

    • My uncle passed away unexpectedly, and my other uncle (his brother) had a severe stroke, which he’s still recovering from 🙁
    • My sister (Monica Geller) moved her family to Texas (a long ways away from Massachusetts), taking my parents with her 🙁

    Mmmm… So far not so good. Any good things?

    • I got to take a relaxing and memorable trip to Florida with my sisters-in-law
    • I got to take a girls weekend to Las Vegas with one of my girlfriends
    • I got a new boss who day by day proves himself to be a great one
    • I became personally closer to my leaders at work
    • I am working under the wing of a local entrepreneur whom I admire
    • I discovered my passion for personal finance
    • I started a weekly meeting club with my girlfriends
    • I made 3 new friends at work
    • I did some substitute teaching
    • I got Friday mornings off in a flexible work arrangement

    So there are still more surprises to come that I will never be able to even guess about.

    Some things I know WILL happen this year:

    • I will graduate from MBA school
    • My sister (Tina Fey) will graduate as well and go back to our home country 🙁
    • I will take my husband out to DC for a romantic get-away
    • I will be going to my home country for a week-long visit
    • I will get a raise
    • I will get at least 1 teaching license
    • I will change jobs (within my company)
    • I will go see Taylor Swift in concert
    • I will be throwing a super Karaoke party for my birthday (got a party gift certificate to the Lime Light!)

    Ok, the year won’t be an awful one 😉 I just hope to get psyched about it sooner rather than later.

    Happy New Year to you,

    ina

  • Au Naturel

    I’m sitting outside of the security checkpoint at the airport (going home from my biz trip) because they won’t let me in to my gate with my breakfast in hand.

    Sitting here is quite peaceful, and it begged the question: should I take out my MP3 player and listen to music?

    Then I heard a woman calling out to another saying "Excuse me, ma’am!" as she rushed towards her. When she caught up with her, still walking towards security, she asked her "Do you mind if I ask you where you got your coat? I have seen it twice before, and it’s great!" The other lady responded, with a thick European accent "Actually I got it at the Burlington Coat Factory," and they walked off too far for me to hear the rest.

    It was a nice exchange to witness: two strangers coming together and interacting for the very first time in their lives.

    There is something beautiful about being part of your surroundings and not burying yourself in your own world. At that moment I was glad I didn’t have my headphones on.

    Think about this when you consider listening to music when you are surrounded by people. You may be on your own, but you’re not alone.

    ina

  • Batteries

    Last Thursday was my last class of the Fall semester. I go back to school January 19th for the Spring. This means I have 5 weeks off school, and I have no idea what to do with my time. Get ready for a lot of these entries of me going crazy with nothing to do.

    Today is Saturday and all I have on the agenda is: clean the house. I was doing great at first, but then the worst possible thing happened:

    My husband left the house to run an errand

    AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! The world is over.

    Here’s the problem: I am simply incapable of doing anything productive when I’m all alone in the house. I have all the time to do it, but I can’t do it. I don’t know what it is. The best I’ve been able to come up with is that my husband is my battery. If he is not there, I just die down. I can’t move. I paralyze. Hello TV. Goodbye chores.

    What is your battery? What keeps you from turning on the TV and browsing online instead of doing what you’re supposed to do?

    ina

  • How Are You Doing?

    I was thinking about something today. I have a general problem with overall life satisfaction. Never mind that I have a very nice life, I’ve had very lucky breaks and great opportunities, and I have found love. I am going to Heaven, and I’m going crying (that phrase sounds more natural in Spanish… but you get my point).

    So I thought: where is the balance between being completely bored and just hating everything, and being so busy I feel like canceling every single commitment on my calendar?

    Well, it’s really hard to say what would make me “just happy enough.” So I reverse engineered the problem, and started with trying to answer what would be the best response to the question:

    Hey, Ina! How are you doing?

    Ideal Answer: I’m actually doing great! The house is good, nothing more to fix for a while and we got our new couch! I finished the MBA finally, and I’ve had more time to be at home and cook for my husband and me. We’ve been exercising together, too, and we’ve both lost 20 pounds altogether! The kids at school are good. They can give me trouble sometimes, but I just end up sending them to the office. For the most part, I’m having fun with the lesson plans, and I think they are, too. Some don’t like to listen, but I know they know better. I’m also working on this cellphone application with the Google Maps API. It’s neat, although I don’t devote as much time to it as I would like. I’ve been getting together with @na and Rick every couple of weeks for their bookclub, and we just finished reading A Civil Action. I love it that we do Boston-themed books. Also, I’ve been thinking of starting the baby making machine at some point soon. It’s time, I think. I don’t want it to get so late that I’ll start wondering why I didn’t do it before! Also I have been thinking of a new idea for an after school club: a programming club. Wouldn’t that be something? Also I keep going out with the girls every couple of weeks to dinner, or plays, or whatever comes up. It’s good to talk to them and not lose touch. I’m just really busy, but doing really good!

    Wow, that would be a great answer to that question. I took some liberties with reality (such as finishing the MBA, programming with the Google API and being a teacher), but hey, that’s my perfect answer.

    What would be yours?

    ina

  • The Pleasant Life

    I have this idea of what a pleasant life would be like. It’s the life I’m convinced my husband lives everyday of his life. He doesn’t struggle through life like most of us do. He strolls through life. More than stroll, he prances. He’s the happiest person I know. I often wonder what it must be like to be him. Without a worry in the world.

    A pleasant life would be something like this: you go to work to accomplish something that day. You’re not worried about tomorrow, you’re not stressed about how things went today, you just get little satisfactions every day and that is good enough for you. Any additional courses/seminars you have to attend for work are just a part of life. There is really no rush to reach a goal, it’s all about living in the present. You come home, make dinner, do some writing or knitting or reading or whatever you want, and tomorrow is tomorrow. Life is just life.

    I don’t feel that way about my life. I stress out about everything all the time. What would it be like to just live day by day? To live in the present?

    ina

  • What if I can’t cut it?

    I am surrounded by teachers in my life: my sister, my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, and good friends from college. When you think of all the abuse they must have endured from the limit-pushing students year after year, it makes you wonder how they do it, or why they do it.

    The fact that they are still teaching makes them superhuman in my mind. So I called my sister and asked her a few questions about teaching.

    She took me back to my own high school days. I remember kids being mean, entitled, disrespectful, and overall completely disinterested in what the teacher was saying. For the life of me I can’t quite remember anything I learned in Universal History, and I was one of the good and quiet ones! In short, kids will probably learn nothing from my subbing session. They may also be tired and drained and checked out for the semester, further feeding the Nothing Learned rule.

    My sister told me the story of a military man who came to teach at her school. They all thought he was exactly what the school needed. Well, he didn’t last 2 weeks. He basically left puffing and saying how could anyone stand all that abuse. Expect kids to push your buttons and don’t let them see you lose your cool. Check.

    I have to say: I was intimidated before, but now I am even more! What if I can’t cut it? What if I am just too emotional and kids walk all over me? What if they make me cry, like my sister promises they will?

    I’m preparing myself mentally for this Friday’s subbing gig. I am expecting kids to be lazy, loud, disrespectful. I have a few tricks up my sleeve to get them to behave, but I don’t know if they will work. I may be being too naive in thinking I could handle a classroom perfectly on my first day.

    I do have to say that the one thing that gives me confidence is that I do have experience captivating an audience. I have a strong inclination towards making things entertaining enough and lively enough. I do believe I have the right makings to be a good teacher.

    The question is: will it be enough?

    ina

  • Good News and Bad News

    The good news is that my husband and I will be going to the Taylor Swift Concert!!!

    The bad news is that I got greedy and rejected the first set of tickets Ticketmaster selected for me (floor tickets), and was stuck buying tickets in the nose bleeds section.

    The good news is that I tried again and got better seats! (sometimes people don’t complete the forms on time and good seats get released again)

    The bad news is that I got greedy again and kept trying to get better seats, and ended up with 4 sets of 2-tickets to the concert (all in different sections of Gillette Stadium). Ouch!

    The good news is that the best tickets I got are really good and I can’t wait!!!

    Helloooo eBay 🙂

    ina

  • Firsts are Overrated

    I’ll be teaching a high school class on Friday, and I’m trying to psych myself for it.

    I’ll probably get 45 minutes with each group of students, right? I don’t know how many groups of students I’ll get on a given day, or which grades I’ll be teaching, but I can only imagine that I won’t have classes back to back, and I might get a free period somewhere. Maybe I can learn something about classroom management or fun ways to teach and implement them period to period. Yes? No? First times are nerve wrecking!

    I’ll tell you what’s underneath this anxiety: I’ve got a lot riding on this career change. What if I don’t like it?

    Right now I yearn for a major change in my day-to-day. I want a job where I am not chained to a computer and a phone all day, where emails don’t dictate my tasks for the day, where I’m not being constantly discouraged from being myself. I want a job where I can excel by just being naturally me. A job that doesn’t feel like a job. Am I being too idealistic? I admit I’m probably setting myself up for failure, but… [sigh] I don’t know.

    I’m a believer in appreciation by comparison. Maybe I would not have settled down in Boston if I hadn’t lived in 2 other states before coming back to Massachusetts. Maybe I wouldn’t have bought my perfect house on the rockhill if it had been the first house I saw. And I’m still thankful I didn’t end up marrying my very first boyfriend. So why should I settle for the only job I’ve ever known, especially when I know my heart is not in it? The point is that when you have something to compare against, you grow appreciation for one over the other. Makes sense, right?

    I just hope that this change doesn’t drive me right back to the desk job where I started.

    Again, wish me luck.

    ina

  • Another gig!

    I just signed up to teach my last subbing gig of the year. It will happen this Friday, December 4th. This time: a high school! That’s what I aim to teach, so this will be a maker or a breaker.

    Wish me luck!

    ina

  • When is it right to make a career change?

    A career change is the hardest thing to do. Few things will cause the same level of anxiety, uncertainty, and fear. To make a move like that, you have to be really ready for a change. Statistics say 90% of humans fear change, so the odds are already against you, even before you began. (Also note that 65% of statistics are made up on the spot, so it could really go either way) 😉

    I’ll tell you why I feel ready. Why now? Why not earlier or later?

    Let’s start from the top: I went to college for Computer Science. I thought I would graduate and become a computer programmer. Programming was fun and challenging: it is problem solving in the best sense of the words. I thought employers would pay me to play (=program) on the computer all day. I was in Heaven. The problem was that I was not legally authorized to work in the United States at the time, without some kind of Visa sponsorship by a daring corporation.

    Fortunately for me, I did find a job in a prestigious company that was still sponsoring international students (they no longer do). It was for an IT entry-level program. Programming was not part of the career path.

    Sorely disappointed, but understanding that I had no other alternative if I wanted to stay in the US, I took the job.

    I tried to like it. I really did. I drank the kool-aid they would feed us every morning: we were to be the next generation of leaders in the company. We were headed for great things. They would introduce us to CEOs, CIOs, CTOs and we worked hand-in-hand with the leaders’ direct reports. We were being given the opportunity of a lifetime… but my heart really wasn’t in it.

    Where would I go if I left, though? Not only did I not know what I wanted to do with my life, but no company would have hired me without work authorization anyway! I was stuck until I got a greencard, or until I gathered the gonads to put myself out there and aggressively look for another job. But even then I would be going from a corporate environment to another, and I already knew I wasn’t enjoying it, so would it really be a positive change at all?

    In 2008, I married the most wonderful man in the world, and my college sweetheart of 5 years. As a US citizen, my husband was able to sponsor me for a greencard (which I finally received in the mail 6 months after we filed for it – oh, and BTW, the card itself is not green at all).

    Now that I had proper work authorization, I still did not feel comfortable making a career change. After all, I was only half way through my fully-paid MBA (by the company), and I could not afford quitting and putting myself tens of thousands of dollars in debt.

    I will be finishing the MBA this coming year, and I will have no more excuses to make a significant change.

    So why not earlier? I had a ball and chain on my foot.
    Why now? No more excuses!
    Why teaching? I have considered different careers, many of them which included working for myself. The only problem is that I have a bit of a motivation issue: I need validation and external impulses to keep me going. I’m not sure that self-employment would harmonize with my personality. Maybe I could have side-ventures where I can make a little extra money on my own terms, but only as long as it is fun.

    As for working for smaller companies, I’ve considered that, too, but my bitterness towards corporate America runs deep. I cringe at the thought of having yet another desk job.

    In my eyes, teaching represents freedom. I can do anything in a classroom, be anyone I want to be. There are millions of personality types in teaching: the mean one, the funny one, the easy one, the bad one, the good one. Nobody would ever give me a hard time for setting high expectations, or behaving like an authority figure. My personality can run free, without supervisors asking me to tone it down or to be less direct. It’s just a whole different dynamic, and I can’t wait to give it a shot!

    So that’s how I settled on that profession. Yes, the money is FAR less than what I make at my current job. I have discussed this with my husband, and he is concerned, as he should be. But he understands my need for a change and he supports my decisions as long as we are smart about it. So I’m on a tough savings plan. It’s going to be really hard, but if I actually enjoy my job, it will have been worth it.

    What are your reasons to consider a career change to teaching?

    ina

  • Teaching Inanutshelll

    Welcome to Teaching Inanutshelll.

    I decided to start this blog to chronicle my journey through a career change from an employee in Corporate America to an honorable career as a teacher and shaper of young minds.

    My current status: I decided to seriously change careers to teaching a couple of weeks ago, after an extremely distasteful situation at work pushed me over the edge. All I have accomplished in the past couple of weeks has been to do a lot of research on the licensing process in the state of Massachusetts and really think this through, to make sure I am making a positive change in my life.

    I will talk to you about my feelings on the salary cut I’m expected to experience (including my husband’s feelings about it), about the entire process beginning-to-end, and anything I learn along the way.

    Wish me luck! More to come soon. You can also follow my regular “anything” blog at http://inanutshelll.wordpress.com. Previous postings on my thought process on teaching can be found on these links:

    Nov 15, 2009 – On the US Education System
    Nov 21, 2009 – Enough is Enough
    Nov 23, 2009 – Savings Program
    Nov 23, 2009 – Mr Holland’s Opus (1995)
    Nov 28, 2009 – Teaching

    ina

  • The Paper

    After writing the entry on Procrastination, I went up to my room and read the case for my paper. I wrote some key points on a Word document, and the paper is as good as done. I just need to put the main ideas into full sentences and fill 3 pages (double spaced). I’m sure it’ll be fine. It would be sweet to finish it early so I don’t have to think about it on Monday or Tuesday night.

    This entry is flagged as “Happy,” so let’s all rejoice. My tantrum self seems to be too tired to fight it. Yay for my rational self.

    ina

  • Procrastination

    I have a paper due next week, and I don’t want to do it. I skipped last week’s paper because I didn’t want to do it, but I was allowed to skip 1 paper this semester. I guess I made my choice. Now I have 2 papers due in a span of 2 weeks. I also have a presentation to create and a document to write for 2 weeks from now. But I don’t want to do that either.

    My life has become a chain of boring events, and my internal self is a childish one with a lot of tantrums up her sleeve. She tantrums a lot more when she’s bored, and it’s hard to get her to listen to reason.

    People have told me that, in order to get motivated, I should establish a rewards system for myself: if I write my paper tonight, I can do anything I want on Sunday. This approach has never worked for me for some reason. I have this perpetual feeling that: I am an adult, and I have earned the right to have chocolate cake for breakfast and ice cream before lunch. Why should I deprive myself? I deserve the reward. It’s REALLY hard to break this mentality, and my internal self tantrums if she doesn’t get her way.

    Hence, procrastination is a big problem. My rational self spends hours upon hours worrying and worrying about the things she’s not getting done, while my tantruming self is off in a corner being tortured by my rational self, who’s trying to get her to come to her senses. It’s just an unbearable battle, and I hate it. If I could just do what I need to do, this wouldn’t happen.

    Do you have problems with procrastination?

    ina

  • Thanksgiving

    I could bore you with the details of how our first Thanksgiving hosting went, but I’m exhausted. I’ll just say it went as well as expected (some might call it a great success). Turkey was fine (although the extra breasts were a bit undercooked, and they had to go back into the oven), my husband’s mother contributed with 80% of the side dishes, desserts and serving platters (which I appreciated — great team effort). Everybody came, they all had a place to sit (big concern for my husband), and everyone had a great time. I spent a couple of hours last night cleaning up, and this morning I put the clean dishes away. By breakfast time, which is 11:30am in my parents’ world, there was no sign of there having been a 14-people dinner party the night before. I love my husband for helping with the cleaning and being so independently diligent. Couldn’t have asked for a better life partner. We are exactly on the same page and we split the work without even having to discuss it. It’s just a perfect harmony. I just wish hosting wasn’t so stressful for me, personally. But my stress was no reflection on the evening at all, that’s just my own problem.

    What I did want to talk about was about THANKS. At my husband’s house they never say grace, go around saying what they are thankful for, or even do a toast (note: I prefer it that way). In my family, toasts abound, but we don’t really say grace or say what we are thankful for. My mother asked if we should do a toast, but I decided against it. I’m not comfortable with them and didn’t want to make my husband’s family uncomfortable either… so we didn’t. But that didn’t mean I didn’t have anything to be thankful for.

    I am thankful for:

    1. My healthy, loving and caring immediate and extended family. I just really lucked out in having a family that loves one another and whom I can count on to not have any drama or awkward moments in holiday gatherings.
    2. My freedom of speech.
    3. My freedom of decision about my future. I lucked out in finding a partner who supports me no matter what I do, or say, or think, or decide to do.
    4. Not having anything to really have to worry about. I have a roof over my head, I have love in my life, I have a job with a steady income, and all I have left to worry about is what to do with my time.
    5. God’s gift of constant inquiry and curiosity.
    6. My husband. I don’t know what I would do without him, and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

    I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?

    ina

  • I know I know

    I know I have been blogging a lot about movies lately, but if you read carefully, I definitely tell you what has been on my mind. The movies are just a front to actually talk about myself 🙂

    I don’t have any more movies to review for now, so I think you’ll be getting some of my thoughts soon enough.

    Right now I have to go finish folding laundry and do the dishes (hubby made dinner tonight).

    ina

  • More Little Things

    It would not be a surprise to anyone to hear that my spirits have been down for the past few weeks. I think it’s time for another happy entry that reminds us that Life is Life is Life. It is never perfect, but we have GOT to take a break from our own heads and smell the roses every once in a while.

    Here are a few things going on right now that make me happy:

    • My husband manages to make me laugh out loud even when I am crying. How does he do it?
    • I have great friends and mentors at work who are always willing to lend a supportive ear
    • I am reading a book for fun (“A Civil Action,” bookclub!)
    • Katie at “Twenty Something” referenced my blog in hers. I feel so famous.
    • It’s starting to feel a lot like Christmas
    • My hair is getting really long, and it looks nice
    • I can’t wait to see Taylor Swift on June 5th at Gillette Stadium, which, as of 3 months ago, I live 15min away from
    • I still got my health

    I know, I know. That last one was me grasping at straws. Well, I gave it a shot.

    What would be on YOUR list of little things that make you happy lately?

    ina

  • Happiness is a Choice

    As I have mentioned before, there are many more things that aggravate me than there are things that make me happy. It’s possible that I’m just someone who’s got it all together and who is so happy in general that small aggravations have little trouble standing out (that theory: courtesy of my dear mother).

    Whatever the case, I got really mad today. Someone just failed to do something, and when I called them on it they spit it back on my face saying they had no reason to apologize for it.

    I was destroyed. I hate conflict and I have a REALLY hard time getting over it. However, if there is one thing I know about men, is that they get over things five times as fast as women do. If I could mimic a man, and just pretended like the whole thing never happened, I knew “we” would be fine. But HOW was I supposed to do that WHEN I HAD SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY EARS???? The dramatic woman in me wanted to just BURST out and tell him off… but I didn’t.

    I suddenly remembered a line from last week’s episode of Monk (USA network): “Happiness is a Choice.” I could choose to be miserable, or choose to get on with my life. As awesome as it feels to make yourself the victim of a situation and be as self-righteous as humanly possible, I had the feeling that happiness would get me a longer way.

    So I repeated it like a mantra: Happiness is a Choice, Happiness is a Choice, Happiness is a Choice. Afterwards, everything was fine on his end. He must have thought I was so over it. I definitely put on a good show, but I have to say that the mantra just didn’t work. I’m as mad now, 5 hours later, as I was when it first happened.

    Fighting it out, or visibly showing how upset I was would have just planted on me the labels of “emotional,” “immature,” and “drama queen.” There is just no point in trying to get my feelings understood in that situation. No point whatsoever. So I just pretend it all away. And yes, I do find myself doing this a lot, and it makes me resent my friends for putting me in that position (yes, like it’s their responsibility to baby me through my anger spurts).

    Do you have issues getting over things, too? Do you feel resentful when you have to put on a show to appease someone else whose feelings appear to be more important than yours?

    ina

  • Darkly Dreaming Dexter

    I had my first Dexter nightmare last night. It really was frightening.

    My husband and I love the show, which airs on Showtime on Sundays at 9pm, but this past Sunday he was watching the Patriots getting beat by the Colts. Instead we DVR’d Dexter and watched it last night, so it was fresh on my mind. I also caught up on House, which would explain Hugh Laurie’s cameo in my dream.

    To make a long dream short, the Trinity Killer was putting us all in a room to kill us. He had people in my personal life, which made it all the more frightening. He was going to chop us all up like Dexter does to his victims. He did something especially macabre to House, though. Trinity brought him and Chase (also from House) in the back of a pickup truck. Chase was on a stretcher, knocked out with anesthesia, and House looked scared shitless. Like he knew his witty remarks and wiseass attitude would not get him out of this one.

    There was more. Something about Dexter going around in the South Florida area and the Everglades trying to find us all, and making sure of talking to people so they would remember him in case the police was tracking us down (he just needed a head start). Also, his wife (who, in my dream, was played by the actress who plays Bella’s mother in Twilight, the movie) asked Trinity to chop off her forearm, so Dexter would see it and freak out, and understand that what he does is wrong.

    Anyways, I was shaken up and woke up before my alarm rang. Scary stuff.

    ina

  • Cafeteria Nazi

    I hate our work cafeteria.

    Our caf is ran by a third party company owned and managed by a couple of ladies who also work the grill. Try to put aside the terrible layout (for the longest time I refused to go there because I had no idea what the queue flow was), the poor quality of the food (the first time I gathered the courage to go, they gave me really undercooked spaguetti, and we all know how disgusting hard noodles are), and the understaffing (the same people who handle the grill have to run back and forth to and from the cash register, IF you ask them nicely to take care of you “when they get a free second”), and you are still left with their less-than-friendly demeanor.

    Growing up in another country, we had a live-in housekeeper who would cook, clean and do laundry. She was a part of the family, and we are still in touch. We get along fine NOW, but back then…. let’s just say she was NO servant, and she would make sure you were aware of that. My parents signed the checks, not I or my siblings, so we were always very weary of asking for anything. Most of the time, she would be in one of her “moods” and we were afraid of going to the kitchen for a glass of water. Lunchtime was always entertaining: with my parents at work, it was just her and us kids. We’d eat in silence afraid of saying anything that would infuriate her.

    Well, that’s exactly how I feel about our caf staff. They are only selectively friendly and have NEVER smiled at me, despite my efforts to get them to like me. It’s just so awkward and uncomfortable, like I’m going there just to make them work more. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, and their business has suffered because of it. I just hate having to kiss ass for some food, and having to beg someone to assist me at the register.

    Sigh… can’t beat their $1 bagels, though.

    ina

  • My house is now officially warm

    It is almost 3 in the morning and my housewarming party was a complete success! I spent all day on my feet getting the house ready for tonight and I am BEAT. I could go to bed right now, but my husband, who had a few drinks (he’s not a big drinker, so it didn’t take much for him to be affected), decided that now was a great time to watch the movie Hot Shots. So, I’m here watching it with him. I like drunken hubby 🙂

    As for my fear of hosting, I have to say that I was comfortable today. Hosting is EXHAUSTING but it wasn’t stressful from a social perspective. People kept one another entertained, and I got to catch up with a few people I hadn’t seen in a while. It was definitely lovely.

    I had about 4 match-making schemes planned… Yup, four. I guess my control-freakness was in high gear: sometimes I feel like it’s my job to make sure my friends are happy. I don’t believe any of the fix-ups panned out… Oh well, maybe next time 🙂

    Oh, and the turkey turned out fine 🙂 I’m ready for Thanksgiving! Bring it on!!!

    In case you were wondering, this is the recipe I followed for the turkey. It was done in 2 and a half hours.

    http://foodnetwork.com/recipes/dave-lieberman/do-nothing-turkey-recipe/index.html

    The only difference was that instead of rubbing olive oil on the turkey, I rubbed butter UNDER the skin and some over. Also, I didn’t have celery. One thing I would do differently is I would put an onion inside the bird until it’s done. This is my mother-in-law’s recipe. Take her word for it, she’s a wiz in the kitchen.

    If you came to the party, I hope you had as good a time as I did! And THANK YOU, it was great to see you all!

    ina

  • Just a dream?

    This morning I woke up in the middle of a dream — don’t you hate it when that happens? I snoozed once, so it was a two-parter.

    In the first part, I was in some kind of inventor’s club, but I forget my invention. I did watch the movie "Flash of Genius" last night, so that could have had something to do with it. My alarm rang as I was talking to another lady (who works in my office) about her sodium towel invention (don’t ask).

    The second part was me and some guy (who resembled the main vocalist from the Wallflowers) walking into some kind of a rave. I was not a rocker, I was just me. He held my hand as we made our way through the mob. We finally arrived at a spot where a guy who resembled Dave Matthews was sitting and talking incomprehensibly (I saw DM on the CMAs last night, too). He told something to my Wallflowers guy that I didn’t understand, so I asked my guy to repeat. He said DM, who apparently was his brother, wanted him to play the bass sax at the rave (which was my husband’s instrument in high school). My guy was playing it cool, sort of like "I don’t do that anymore, I have moved on," which I guess made him super sexy. The entire time I had the feeling he had been summoned there, and didn’t come willingly. I told him it sounded cool and he should do it, and he looked like he was thinking about it. He was still holding my hand, which at first seemed it was because he didn’t want to lose me in the crowd, but at that moment he started rubbing my hand with his thumb in a caressing fashion. Now he had my attention!

    … and then my alarm rang again.

    Did you know that Twilight, the book series, was born from the author’s one-night dream of the meadow scene? She was a plain old mormon housewife in Arizona, with a degree in Literature, who just decided to write down that scene so she wouldn’t forget it, and ended up writing a whole book around it. The rest was history.

    So, was my dream just a dream? What would happen if I wrote a book around it? Could my life change forever?

    …

    Naaaahhhhhh… 🙂

    ina

  • Congratulations Taylor Swift!!!!

    Taylor Swift Wins Country Music Awards Entertainer of the Year 2009!!!

    See acceptance speech here: http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:cmt.com:455288

    I don’t really buy CDs… I’m from the Napster generation, but I have to say that I have purchased Taylor’s CDs from the beginning. The girl is an ARTIST. She writes hit songs like she’s writing the alphabet. She’s just unbelievable. Just when I thought nobody could top Kenny Chesney’s yearly concert palooza, this girl with a guitar and some songs she wrote in high school comes and sweeps it all away. What a phenomenon.

    CONGRATULATIONS, TAYLOR!!!!!

    Here she is last weekend hosting Saturday Night Live:

    http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/taylor-swift-monologue/1173589/

    ina

  • Turkey Day Preparations

    I have been going to my husband’s family’s house for Thanksgiving ever since we met. Reason: his mother cooks the absolute most delicious turkey feast you could ever imagine. It is just heaven, the entire production. It’s an event I look forward to every year. Well, in the past year and a half, I have married and acquired a home. This means that the task of hosting Thanksgiving has been passed onto me (I would say “us” … but you know how these things normally go).

    So my husband has insisted that I do a “trial-run” turkey, since this is my first time making one, so that Thanksgiving doesn’t turn out to be a disaster worthy of an Everybody Loves Raymond episode.

    Well, I’m getting my chance. This weekend I’m having a housewarming (pot-luck style, BYOB) at my house with some friends (er, 30 of them). I beg and pray that they don’t bring me any plants and just bring a lot of food.

    Anyways, today I’m going to Hannaford Supermarket to buy the trial-run turkey. My husband’s mother has been advising me through the whole process (after all, I got big shoes to fill), so she recommended Shady Brook, and to stay away from Butterball. Then my husband added that he would prefer if the turkey had no-hormones added (an “organic” turkey, if you will). His mother shut it down fast: “nope, just get Shady Brook.” So that’s what I’m getting.

    I’m looking forward to the party, but there is a lot of work to do in advance… I just hope people have a good time and bring delicious yummies to go with the turkey. I’m going to be so busy that day, I hope I enjoy myself. Maybe later I’ll tell you about that time that I planned my ultimate PERFECT birthday party and I ended up so depressed that I swore to never host again. Well, I can’t get away from hosting, so I just hope I enjoy it as much as everyone else.

    How do you feel about hosting parties?

    ina

  • The Little Things, The Little Things, The Little Things

    There are certain things in life that bring me happiness, while there are 100% more things that cause me aggravation. Considering these odds, I thought it would be fair to dedicate an entry to the little things that currently make me happy:

    • I just got an email from Amazon: my book order (for a new book club I’m joining) just shipped: “A Civil Action”
    • My little sister (Tina Fey) loves me enough to want me to meet and hang out with her and her friends
    • I had ZERO scheduled commitments this past weekend, and I feel totally relaxed
    • Today I had a video conference with my old team from when I lived in Louisville, KY, and I could tell they were happy to see me too
    • Today I made my husband’s mother laugh until she cried
    • I have a new obsession to fix people’s financial stability and I’m enjoying thinking up business ideas
    • I now understand that my current career path is not my life passion, which has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, and I’m able to focus more and be more productive
    • We are almost done furnishing our new house, and I look forward to being DONE in a few weeks
    • Lastly, I am dead tired, and I’m in a really comfy bed with a new down comforter. So warm and cozy.

    What would YOU add to your list of little things?

    ina

  • Common Sense

    I went to see a career counselor a couple of months ago who had me take an aptitude test (per my request) to figure out what the hell I should be doing with my life.

    The test wasn’t very helpful. It was geared towards corporate careers, which I’m not interested in, but it did bring up one peculiar thing about my personality. It recommended that I LISTEN and consider different points of view before making a decision. My first thought was ya ya, I got it. Then the counselor asked me if I often felt like I “got” things fast, and wished I could “ya ya” people to shut up. I said yes, that in fact it happens to me quite often.

    I don’t know everything, but there is a certain protective wall I raise when people express their opinions, especially if they are different from mine. Like a defense mechanism to prove that I am smart, despite my short height and strong foreign accent.

    A lot of the time my “ya ya”-ing has nothing to do with a difference in opinions at all, but with a difference in what constitutes common sense (which, in my experience, is not common at all).

    For example, if I have been bugging my husband to call his mother all weekend to figure out if we’ll be coming over for dinner on Monday, and he decides at the last minute (Monday ay 5pm) to go, I expect him to inform me of this so I get on the correct train (home or his work). But apparently that IS too much to ask.

    Thankfully I happened to call him before getting on the train, therefore saving us both an evening of apologies and disappointment.

    We kissed and made-up. Now we’ll get to enjoy our evening. It just made sense.

    ina