inacove

Author: Ina Coveney

  • Dear Facebook… a word.


    Another one jumps ship: my friend Pensive Kid has decided to cancel his Facebook account. He recounts his decision in his latest post called So long Facebook, my “Friends” will be missed.

    I have thought of joining the ranks of the unfriendable many times before. The closest I have gotten is keeping an account, but having no wall posts and only one profile picture. But now that the Pensive Kid has jumped ship, I feel a sense of urgency in revisiting the topic.

    Let’s see what great things Facebook has brought to my life:

    • I have gotten back in touch with old friends that I never thought I would ever talk to again
    • I catch the occasional news story status update that makes me write to that person and reestablish contact
    • …

    For the life of me I can’t find any other joy that Facebook has brought to my life…

    In fact, I have gotten a bit more aggravation from being a member over the years:

    • During my “post a status update and a picture about everything and everything” phase, I would get really mad when people didn’t comment on a witty status update, or a really good picture, or would untag themselves from my pictures
    • Looking through some high school “friends’” pictures in exotic and far away places made me feel jealous and horrible about my own life (“Why am I not helping out the starving children in Africa??? Why haven’t I climbed to the summit of a mountain in Switzerland??”)
    • Reading other people’s status updates and noticing that they would get 25 comments on the first day (compared to my average of zero) would upset me (“am I not as interesting as they are?? are they not my friends, too???”)
    • There was a lot of aggravation when someone would not accept my invite, and there were sleepless nights when someone I did not want to friend would repeatedly send me friend requests

    I’m sure I could think of a few more. The point is that, the more I think about it, the more I think that Facebook is the source of all evil: it brings out the worst in us because its whole premise is to create a medium through which we can boast (look at the places I’ve been, look at the Vera Wang wedding gown I got that you didn’t, look at how many friends I got).

    The Pensive Kid took more of a physical relationship vs digital relationship approach: physical relationships are more meaningful and we should be devoting time and effort into those, and not our digital personnas (do they really resemble our real life selves?).

    So why do I hang onto this devilish thing? The 64 million dollar question that comes to mind is: but what if someone wants to reach me??? I’ve been trying to answer that question… wouldn’t they have my email address already? I’m also on LinkedIn for professional purposes, they could find me there as well. So really, do I need to hang onto this thing for the remote possibility that someone out there may be wanting to get back in touch with me?

    I’m not ready to answer these questions yet… I really hope to get there soon. And when I do, we’ll have a little “I quit Facebook” party on this blog 🙂

    Happy Facebooking… for as long as you enjoy it.

    ina

    Photo Credit: http://www.twrtoday.com/Why-I-Hate-Facebook.asp

  • Disorder

    Ever since my husband left me, things have been in a state of disarray both physically (around the house), and mentally.

    Ok, so he didn’t really *leave me*, but that’s how it feels! Brian had to go take care of some needy clients in California for a week, so he’s been gone since last Wednesday. After he left, the cold that had been brewing inside me finally exploded and I spent Friday through Monday fighting off a burning sinus infection. I was the very definition of the sick and the lame (and lonely).

    Thanks to my amazingly maternal sister-in-law, and my super duper mother-in-law, I was slowly nursed back to health and spent most of the weekend away from home being fed and taken care of. I’m lucky to have them around being so willing to help. They really went the extra mile for me.

    So let’s come back to disorder: my house is a mess, my sinuses are a mess, I have not finished a single book I have started reading (I got like 4 incomplete books under my belt right now), I’m dealing with the inevitable pregnancy worrier syndrome (“is this affecting my baby???”), and I’m too sick and tired to take on cleaning the house all by myself.

    Disorder. That’s what I call this midpoint state between complete chaos and perfect harmony. I long for the days when I had nothing to do when I got home. Lately I’ve been so overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done that I have accomplished nothing at all.

    Here’s wishing you a more productive rest of the week than mine has been so far,

    ina

  • Lunch with a stranger

    I sat with a stranger for lunch today, due to the lack of empty tables at the cafeteria.

    We got to talking and she asked me if I was from Brazil (I get that a lot), so I corrected that I was from Venezuela. The rest went something like this:

    Lady: you guys have an ocean, right?
    ina: actually we have the Caribbean Sea, which is connected to the Atlantic Ocean. Venezuela is at the north tip of South America, across the sea from Florida
    Lady: wait… I thought Venezuela was in South America
    ina: It is…
    Lady: Maybe I’m thinking of Central America
    ina: oh yeah, that’s around where Mexico is, Nicaragua, Panama
    Lady: No, that’s not it…

    Gotta love the lack of geographical reference with which some people roam the Earth.

    Happy Thursday, everyone!

    ina

  • “I’m… So… Roneryyyyy”

    I got the day off today for MLK holiday, and it was the worst day ever. My husband, Brian, decided to work so he could get an additional couple days off work later on, so I was all by myself in the house all day.

    If you know anything about me it is that I can’t be alone without getting completely down and low. Well, today did not disappoint. However, by moving one inch at a time, I did manage to (1) Finish all our laundry; (2) Keep myself fed; and (3) Bring most of our books down from upstairs to the new location of our bookcases, downstairs.

    It was a slow day, filled with Netflix Instant Queue movies (such as Brothers (2009) and An Education (2009)) and tears of loneliness.

    I just hope that this week picks up at work and I feel a little more useful than I have been feeling there recently. Right now, though, I just want to crawl into bed with Brian and stay there until I’m bored enough to get up out of my own volition. In other words, hit the reset button in my body and try this one more time.

    Hope you had a better holiday, and an even better week.

    ina

    PS: title of this post obtained from a song in the hilarious movie “Team America: World Police”

  • Nobody wants to hear you talk about your kids

    I gotta say something that is both sad and true: people just don’t want to hear you talk about your kids. Yes, you can include me in that group any day.

    Why is it sad?

    Because when you are a parent, your children become the center of your universe, and their accomplishments speak volumes of yourself. They are your life and they are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to you. So if someone doesn’t want to hear about your kids, that translates into them not wanting to hear about you. So what do you talk about then? The weather? The local sports team? Your kids are the best topic in the world! But it puts others off, which makes you sad.

    Why is it true?

    Because when we hear others talk about themselves or their kids, what we hear instead is “My problems are more important than yours/My life is better than yours.” Even with single child-less people this is true: we simply cannot avoid comparing ourselves to others. So when the topic goes to kids, two things can happen: if the listener has no kids they won’t be able to relate, and you are purely alienating them from the conversation; or if the listener has kids, they won’t be able to help themselves and start comparing your kids to theirs, creating animosity and defensive tension in the conversation. I dare anybody out there to say one thing about their kids to another parent, and have that other parent not respond with something “better” about their own kids.

    So, now that I am expecting a child, I am becoming more and more aware of when I should bring things up. I’ll make the obvious confession that my pregnancy is ALL I think about: day and night, minute by minute, hour after hour. I want to shout every pain, every decision, every symptom, EVERYTHING from the rooftops. But when I’m around others I’m trying to keep quiet, just answer their questions, and try to keep my endless ranting on every little symptom to myself. Not only for other people’s sake, but for my own as well: I can tell when I’m boring others, and that kind of rejection would hit a soft nerve with me.

    So I might be able to manage the talking part (as much as I can without being inhuman), but I can’t seem to be able to stop blogging, so I’m just blogging my pregnant thoughts in my family Blog. Not that anyone is interested in reading that stuff anyway.

    So sad… so true.

    ina

  • Fertility Awareness: An Education

    In today’s world, a woman’s fertility is a mystery that is mostly only fully understood by OB/GYNs or women who are trying to get pregnant. I am here to let the proverbial cat out of the bag, and to shout from the rooftops how fertility works.

    Whether you are a woman trying to conceive, a woman trying to find alternate natural methods of contraception, or a man wanting to take an educated and responsible approach to sexual activity, this guide will give the reader a good understanding for fertility.

    Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and I do not dispense medical advice. This is an experience-based post with some information extracted from different websites and from my own experience with the topic. Experiences vary from woman to woman and from month to month. For more detailed information, please research on expert sites or consult your physician.

    Let’s get started!

    The Basics

    Let’s start with a brief and colloquial glossary:

    • Uterus: Women have a uterus, men don’t. It is a hollow organ where a baby would grow.
    • Eggs: Like all our fellow mammals, we females have eggs whose whole purpose is to become fertilized and make a baby. Eggs are fragile things: after they have reached maturity, they only live from 12 to 24 to 48 hours (at the most) before disintegrating into nothingness.
    • Ovaries: ovaries are the egg factories. A woman has 2 ovaries which have millions of eggs in storage. The ovaries are located on either side of the uterus, connected to the uterus by tubes called the “Fallopian tubes.”
    • Ovulation: Every month, a single egg reaches maturity and begins its descent from the ovary to the uterus through the Fallopian tube. The process of traveling down to the uterus is called “Ovulation” and it only happens once a month around day 14 (ballpark — the exact day varies from woman to woman and from month to month) of the menstrual cycle.
    • Fallopian Tubes: the tube that the egg travels through to go from the ovary to the uterus. It connects the ovaries to the uterus.
    • Period or Menstruation: Approximately 12-16 days after ovulation, the lining of the uterus, together with some blood, gets shed out of the uterus to the outside of the body via the vagina, which is directly connected to the uterus.
    • Vagina: it’s the tract that connects the uterus to the outside world. Normally penetrated during intercourse, and through which a baby would travel to be born. I know most people think they know what the vagina is, but I have heard of some confusion between the vulva, vagina and urinary tract. As a side note: women do not pee through their vaginas! They have a separate urinary tract that is connected to the bladder.
    • Cervix: this is a “valve” of sorts that exists right in the intersection between the vagina and the uterus.
    • Menstrual Cycle: the entire fertility process, starting on Day 1: first day of menstruation (or period), and ending approximately a month later on the day before the next period begins. Length of a cycle is said to be 28 days on average, however this length changes from woman to woman and may vary from month to month.
    • Phase I of the Cycle: This is the timeframe starting on Day 1 of the cycle, and ending on the day of ovulation.
    • Phase II of the Cycle: This is the timeframe starting on the day of ovulation, and ending the day before the next period begins.
    • Basal Temperature: a woman’s body temperature changes depending on which phase of the cycle she is in. Phase I is characterized by a “low” temperature, while Phase II a “high” temperature. The exact temperature varies from woman to woman, but the high and low temperatures differ by half of a degree to a full degree (Farenheit). This temperature is recommended to be taken at the same time every day, and when a woman has not gotten out of bed yet to minimize variation from measurement to measurement. Basal temperature may be taken orally.
    • Sperm: Sperm is packed with tons of spermatozoids, which race to meet the mature egg for fertilization (that’s their calling in life). Sperm may live anywhere from 3 to 5 to 7 days (at the very most) inside a woman’s body.

    The Process

    Now that we know the terminology, let’s do a brief recount of the order in which events happen during a menstrual cycle:

    • Day 1: The period comes! Yeah yeah, yuck yuck, get over it. This is when the uterus sheds its lining and some blood. The length of the period varies from woman to woman, but it can last anywhere from a couple of days (lucky girls) to a week. On this day, a woman’s basal temperature is “low” (baseline varies from woman to woman).
    • Day 14: Again, this is not an exact day for every woman or for every month, it varies, but at around this day ovulation will occur. Right after ovulation happens, a woman’s temperature rises to the “high” temperature. Super regular women may find this day to be the same every month, while irregular women may find this day to range anywhere from day 10 of the cycle to day 26, or they may observe even wider ranges in some cases!
    • Day 15/16 (or 12 to 48 hours after ovulation has occurred): The mature egg that was released to the uterus disintegrates into the lining. A mature egg lives anywhere from 12 to 24 to 48 hours (at the very most). After 72 hours from ovulation have passed, the chances of being fertilized drop to nearly zilch.
    • Day 28: This is the last day of the cycle. The exact day varies from woman to woman and may vary from month to month. However, it is usually pretty standard for it to be 12-16 days after ovulation regardless of when ovulation actually occurred.

    So… when IS a woman fertile?

    Now that we’ve gone through the biology of how a woman’s body works, let’s tie this to fertility.

    If you know that sperm may live inside a woman’s body for 3 or 5 days, and you know that a woman’s egg can only live for 12-48 hours, that gives a woman about a week’s worth of fertile time in the month. See how that worked? A woman may be only fertile for up to 48 hours (time the egg is alive), but if there is sperm left over from sexual activity from 5 days prior to ovulation, then there is still a chance of conception (because there might be some live sperm left over inside the body by the time the egg comes along), even if the sexual activity did not occur during those 12-48 hours. That is why they say that if no contraception is used, there is a 25% chance of pregnancy in a given month (in a 4-week month, 1 week is 25% of the time).

    So we got our window: a woman is fertile about 7 days in the month. Ballpark! Again, this may vary by woman.

    Got it! But WHICH 7 days???

    So how does a woman know when she ovulates? I’ll only cover the most practical and “mathematical” one: basal temperature. Others, which I won’t go into, are: observing the texture of the cervical mucus, using a fertility calculation device, or observation of the safety calendar.

    To find out when a woman’s body normally ovulates, it’s important for her to track her basal temperature and become familiar with her own body’s ovulation routine. For instance, set an alarm at the same time each morning before she usually gets out of bed, take a temperature using a basal thermometer (a regular thermometer may work too — it depends on its sensitivity), and track it for several monthly cycles. Watch the temperature go up in the middle of the month, and go down on Day 1 of the cycle. Nifty tip: women who do this can actually predict the day they will get their period by noticing that the temperature was “low” that morning!

    By doing this, a woman can get a sense for how regular her ovulation days are, what her standard “low” temperature is and what her “high” temperature is.

    When the temperature is observed to be “high,” that means that ovulation has already occurred! So if the last time she took her temperature was the morning before, her egg may have been released anytime in the past 24 hours.

    This is the reason why women who are trying to conceive are advised to have sexual activity the day prior to their average ovulation day. That way sperm will be alive and around by the time the egg comes down. If the woman waits until her temperature goes up to try to conceive, the mature egg may be up to 24 hours old, and it may have disintegrated by then.

    So which 7 days?… it will depend on ovulation day! Won’t know that answer exactly until a woman becomes familiar with her own ovulation pattern.

    How can this be used as contraception?

    Here’s a step-by-step way to use this as contraception:

    • Step 1: Track basal temperatures every day for at least 6 months (12 months is recommended). This should give a woman a good idea for how her body works. Beware: if she is on the pill or any other hormone-based contraceptive, these temperature patterns will be VERY different from what they would be if she wasn’t, since the pill tends to regulate the menstrual cycle.
    • Step 2: Create a calendar system for sexual activity: if she is 5 days (or more, depending on how “safe” she wants to be) away from her regular ovulation day, stop sexual activity. If she is 3 days (or more) past ovulation, sexual activity may be resumed. This is also called the “calendar method” and there are many resources online to find out when a woman’s “safe” day is depending on the minimum and maximum length of her periods for the past 12 months. For maximum safety, it’s recommended to pad the calendar method’s suggestions by a day or two to account for any unusual irregularities in the cycle. I recommend googling “calendar method fertility awareness” for more information.
    • Step 3: Our hypothetical woman now knows the day when she normally ovulates (from Step 1), which are her high temperature and low temperature (Step 1), when her period normally comes (Step 1), and which days are safe and which aren’t (Step 2). The last step is to keep an eye on the actual ovulation day every month so she remains informed every month of where in the cycle she is and avoid surprises. There’s no need to take the temperature every day at this point, she could just take her temperature around the usual ovulation day so that she knows every single month when ovulation occurred. This is the main safety net. Knowledge is power.

    Is fertility awareness contraception for me?

    Fertility awareness is a recognized and widely used method of contraception. It’s 100% natural and, when used properly, has the same success rate as the pill. However, it is not for everybody.

    This method requires discipline and it’s not for the faint of heart. Misuse and misunderstanding of the method is common. Those who use this method correctly and strictly enjoy the benefits of a hormone-free and safe contraceptive. On the flip side, as there is a timeframe when sex is not safe, sexual spontaneity and frequency may be compromised.

    So, maybe it isn’t for you, maybe it is. The most important point of this whole article is to educate, and to not let a convenient contraceptive method (like the pill) prevent you from knowing about human fertility and how your body (if you are a woman) works. It is actually very empowering to know exactly what is going on, when it’s happening and why.

    I hope this guide helped at least one person out there learn at least one new thing! 🙂 My work here is done.
    ina

  • Pre-Resolutions

    Every year I have a New Years Resolutions Party with my girlfriends, and every year I come up with a “nice” list of things I’d like to try, stick to, or quit (see the 2010 list here). At the end of the year, I look at that list and think to myself “mmm those were nice-to-haves, but I don’t think I really wanted to do those things so badly.” I don’t think that’s how I’m supposed to feel… I think I’m supposed to feel guilty about not accomplishing them, right?

    So I guess my point is that this year I want some REAL resolutions. Things that if I don’t accomplish I’ll be like “oh man, why didn’t I get around to doing that???” or “can you imagine if I had actually done that? Crazy!” Most importantly, it would be nice to actually do something different that I have never tried before.

    So this is my pre-resolutions post. My Resolutions Party is not until January 22nd (due to lack of availability of a suitable date during the holidays and right around the new year), so you won’t see my list until then… but I think it’s still ok to think about them in advance, don’t you?

    The only one that comes to mind, and has been on my mind a lot, is starting a business. Now, that doesn’t mean getting venture capital money, or finding investors, but simply registering a business, and coming up with ways to make money. Here’s the thing: I don’t know if you are the same way, but I keep thinking that the older I get the more money I will have. Now, that is a very Michael-Scott-like dreamy assumption that doesn’t come true unless you actually do something about it. So I’d really like to add a source of income. But what? Space/Closet organization? Video editing? Freelance writing? Document translation? What? What should I do? Well, this year I will register a business and try at least ONE idea and see how it pans out!

    It’s kind of exciting to think about it… but I’m so afraid of taking the next step. I guess we gotta just be Fearless!

    Good luck crafting your resolutions, and happy new year!

    ina

  • Blue Christmas

    Yes, the blues reared its ugly head this Christmas. I sure hope you had a lovely time all through the season, though!

    My blues came quite unexpectedly. I guess it all started on Christmas eve day morning. I had gone out bright and early to get my picture taken for my mother (that was her only request this year: nice pictures of his nice daughters to put in the nice 3-picture frame that my mother-in-law gave to her), and I had such an awful experience that I ended up leaving a nasty Voicemail for the store’s district manager.

    That mood snowballed into being rude to Brian and to our sweet contractor, who was working on my basement on Christmas eve day, and who had a present for me. Could I feel any worse?

    Then we went to my mother-in-law’s for dinner, which was a great time except a few people all of the sudden got camera shy, so I ended up upset at myself for being so annoying that people were running away from me just to avoid being in a picture. Given that being liked by Brian’s family is so important to me, and the vulnerable state I felt in, I cried all the way home.

    Then I woke up at the ass crack of dawn on Christmas morning feeling totally down, and Brian didn’t help by not being super duper unreasonably sweet to me like I required, and broke down and cried again.

    Pretty depressing, huh? I tried to get into the Christmas spirit by playing A Christmas Story on TV, but I hate that movie. So I switched to whatever romantic comedy was playing on another channel and proceeded to clean the kitchen while Brian spent some alone time in his study.

    That night we went back to his family’s house for Christmas dinner, and we did end up having a fabulous time. We were there from 3pm until 11pm. We exchanged gifts, we laughed, we played games, we took pictures (camera shyness aside), and ate “in shifts” as each course made its way to the dining room table. It was a great night with family. Wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

    After I got home I felt weird. I had been so bitchy for the past 2 days that I couldn’t help but feel that the new haircut I had was at least partly to blame. I wasn’t sweet little old me. I was some catty impostor.

    I guess the lesson is: don’t get a dramatic haircut before an important and potentially stressful event (such as Xmas, wedding, birthday). That’s my bit of wisdom for the world this Christmas.

    Hope you all had a wonderful holiday! And I leave you with this hilarious link to Porky Pig’s Blue Christmas song:

    [youtube http://youtube.com/w/?v=MUELu8o5KJg]

    ina

  • Funny Xmas Wishes 🙂

    I got this as a forward (yes, those are still around). Thought it was funny enough to share 🙂

    IF A FAT GUY GRABS YOU AND PUTS YOU IN A BAG, DON’T WORRY, I TOLD SANTA I WANTED A GOOD FRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS!

    Merry Christmas everyone!!!

    ina

  • My Letter to Santa

    I’m inspired by The Serendipitous Librarian‘s entry on what she wants for Christmas and by an NPR story about Hard Times Letters to Santa, to write my own letter to Santa. Yeah, I know, I should be writing to baby Jesus, but Santa needs a little latino love, too.

    Dear Santa Claus,

    My name is ina, I live in Norwood, MA, and my behavior this year has been “average” or as expected. [Growing up, I never felt comfortable telling Santa that I had been a good girl, as that was a highly subjective term and I didn’t want to seem like I was lying!] This Christmas, I would like to ask you to bring me the following:

    • A fun and joyful time with my immediate and extended family during the holidays
    • To continue to give my family and myself great health and positive attitudes
    • The strength to stand on my own two feet emotionally, and not crumble at every undesirable situation
    • A job for my jobless friends, and a better job for those who are unhappy in their current one
    • The brains to figure out alternate sources of income and the perseverance to carry it through
    • Happiness for my friends [This is quite the selfish request, because when they are happy I am happy]
    • As for physical things, you can always check my Amazon Wishist 🙂

    I know that list is quite corny, but the truth of the matter is that I have been really happy for the past couple of months and there isn’t much I need (way to jinx my own life), so I just want things to stay the same (except for bringing happiness and jobs to my friends).

    I hope Santa can pull some strings and make these things happen.

    To all of you a merry Christmas and a very happy new year 🙂

    ina

    PS: Realization: happiness makes for some really boring posts, doesn’t it?? lol!

  • Top 4 sentences I’ll never forget

    I’m going to shamelessly copy off Christine‘s blog entry titled Sentences I’ll never forget and give you my own list of sentences I will never be able to shake.

    1) “I wasn’t thinking that, you came up with that on your own”

    My mother said this to me one time when we were together and I may have been eating something fatty, to which she gave a disapproving look. She has implied that I am overweight many times in the past, so that time I preemptively told her that I didn’t care what she thought and that I was happy with my weight. She proceeded to say that she had not opened her mouth at all, and that if I felt self conscious about my weight, it came from within me, not from her. And she was right: I was very self-conscious about my weight. I may have been right in thinking she was disapproving of my over eating, but that was irrelevant: *I* was the one who accused myself of over eating.

    This was an eye opening concept: everything you think is coming from inside your head. You can infer feelings and thoughts from someone else’s body language or subtle comments, but in reality, if something is not sitting well with you, you should internalize it and take ownership for your own feelings and not blame others for them.

    2) “Why do you feel the need to make a scene?”

    I was seeing a therapist when I was in college. She was a very nice and very insightful woman called Dolores. I always thought that if my life was a sitcom, my therapist’s name would for sure be “Dolores” (it means “pain” in Spanish). Anyways, one time I was running late for our appointment and I sprinted up 4 flights of stairs and ran right into her office completely out of breath and sweating a little. I was trying to explain what had held me up as I was trying to catch my breath. She sat there quietly waiting for me to finish talking, and then she asked me why I felt the need to make a scene. I told her I wasn’t trying to, that I was genuinely tired and out of breath. Whatever I tried to tell myself about that particular scenario, I realized later on that I fully agreed with her.

    We think that making a scene (however justified it may be) will incite feelings of sympathy from the other person towards you, when in reality people can see right through your drama and they don’t find it relatable, only annoying.

    Armed with that new valuable life lesson, I vowed to never make a scene when I went into her office again. I still try to apply it to my daily life, and even though it is difficult not to express my true feelings sometimes, I always feel bad afterwards when I have given out too much emotional information that helps the situation nothing, and simply makes me look dramatic and desperate.

    3) “I’m not going anywhere”

    After 7 failed relationships, I was under the understanding that boys come and go, that I will always have a wandering eye, and that I am just simply not the settling down kind. Then one day, an incredible man came into my life and simply said those words to me while we were going through a rough patch: “I’m not going anywhere.” He could have said many things in that situation, and I do mean he could have given me a speech… but he didn’t. He was quiet, listening, sympathizing, and then just said those words to me. I felt understood and taken-care of. It all just clicked: this is the man I’ll be spending the rest of my life with. Such simple words, such a strong feeling.

    4) “That needs a good biting”

    I stopped biting my nails in college. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I was a nail biter.

    Once, when I was little, I was holding my father’s hand and noticed that one little piece of skin was protruding from the side of his fingernail. I pointed it out to him and asked him what he was going to do about it. He said “All that needs is a good biting!” and he proceeded to bite the little piece of skin off. I was appalled!!! What kind of a person would give me such a hard time over biting my nails and then go and do it himself???

    I never forgot that! It just comes to show you that being a good example for your kids is not just about telling them what to do right, it’s about doing it yourself because they WILL notice that you don’t do as you preach. Now, I understand that there was absoultely nothing wrong with my father biting off a piece of loose skin, even now I do it. The lesson came in knowing that children get easily confused in what constitutes right and wrong because they live in a black and white world: you should do this, not do this. So, when you have kids, just remember that it’s not enough to say things, you have to follow them yourself as well.

  • Snowy day in Norwood

    This morning we woke up to a couple of inches on snow on the ground, and counting! I ♥ winter.

    ina

    A view of the grounds by the train station
    The creek by the train station
    That's my walk commute ahead of me
    The tired steps of commuters like me… or of dog walkers

  • Is it bad that… ?

    I have a shameful confession to make… but first, let me give you some background:

    In my old company, I was on a “leadership track.” That meant that my career had a logical progression to move away from technical skill development, and more towards management and leadership of visible initiatives. I always enjoyed getting into the nitty gritty of my job, but I always felt guilty about it. I should have had my eyes on bigger roles and projects that were reported to the CIO on on a regular basis. It was a lot of pressure that I never felt I was quite measuring up to.

    In my new job, I have had to start learning from scratch. I have had to put my hands up in the air and admit that I just don’t know anything. I have had to stop and listen before I spoke. I have had to try to understand the dynamics around me and figure out what people think of each other and how to use new relationships to my advantage. It has been definitely a steep learning curve, and everybody else knows it. I can tell they think of me as the ‘newbie who doesn’t know anything’, and many think I just graduated college in May (ahem, it has been 7 years since that joyful day).

    So, when I got an assignment by random chance (an intern left), I started to show my true colors, and everybody was floored. They were grateful to have someone around who had the technical skills and the communications experience to help them with that difficult project. I felt really good about myself.

    Since then, and here is where the confession comes in, I have been actually enjoying burying my head in Excel spreadsheets and programming macros for entire days. I smile more. I laugh more. I tell people that I love working with them, and that I appreciate the opportunity. I have been glowing like I have never before.

    Is it bad that I am enjoying being an Excel-macro-emails minion? Is it bad that I am enjoying doing data audits, creating presentations, and just being an SOM? (SOM = Subject Matter Expert). I literally can’t stop beaming and I am so excited to be around people who appreciate what I bring to the table, and who feel like their projects are running better than they would have if I had not been around.

    Is it bad to enjoy the lack of responsibility this much?

    abi

    Photo Credit: http://www.cafepress.com/+pivot_table_your_data_excel_guru_mug,6030851

  • I don’t get office assistants

    I don’t get the concept of office assistants.

    We have one in my new office. She gets our mail, decorates the office, organizes office lunches, organizes charity drives, manages the managers’ Outlook calendars, and keeps track of our sick/vacation days. It is the most awkward relationship I have ever had with a coworker. Why? Because it’s like she does our trivial chores that we could totally be doing ourselves, but our hands are tied because it is her JOB to do these things and you have the pressure to stay on her good side so she doesn’t screw you over out of spite.

    Let’s review:

    • Get our mail: the mailroom is supposed to have an employee whose sole job is to deliver mail to offices. We each have a mailbox, and we should be able to just pick up our mail there. Awkward when: I don’t have a mailbox yet! Do I ask her for one even though I’ve gotten no mail yet? Also, she hand-delivers my commuter train pass by hand (as opposed to getting it in the mail at home); what if she didn’t come in that day? What if she forgets to give it to me? That’s what happened the first week with my paycheck before direct deposit kicked in: she forgot to get my check even after I had reminded her, so I didn’t get paid until the week after when I finally went to pick it up at the employee office myself.
    • Decorate the office: in my last office Facilities was the team who decorated it. Nice to have, but do you really need to hire a person for this purpose?
    • Organize office lunches: the director’s executive assistant usually does this, which in this case is the same person. Normally an exec admin is too busy to do the rest of the crap, but this is normally under their duties.
    • Organize charity drives: Normally this responsibility is passed around among the team members so everyone contributes to a cause that is dear to them, or the diversity groups take care of the charitable work. Awkward when: you contribute and she manages to conveniently forget your name in the department email that says the list of people who donated, or when there are 3 donation drives in a single week and you are given the stare for only contributing to one. So much pressure!!!
    • Manages the managers’ calendars: really? I understand managing the executive’s calendars (they are in high demand and their time requires more gatekeeping), but the managers’??? I can’t set up a meeting with my manager without her finding out about it first. She also manages the conference rooms, which is completely unnecessary since these are in Outlook and we could schedule them ourselves. Awkward when: I want to book a room and I have to go ask her to find one, and she gets side tracked and I keep having to remind her to book it.
    • Keeping track of our sick/vacation days: why can’t we do this online like normal people? Do I really have to tell her every time I’m going to be out? Awkward when: all the time! It shouldn’t be any of her business if I am sick or take time off! That should be between my manager and me.
    • One more: Location Location Location: they strategically sit as you walk into the office so you always have to say hi and be nice. But why are you being nice? Because you have to! You want this woman to give you your train pass every month and to give you stapler refills! It’s more awkward and forced a relationship than even the one you have with your boss!

    I HATE THE PRESSURE TO BE NICE! Make it go away!!!!

    abi

    Photo Credit: http://www.clipartguide.com/_pages/0511-0810-2000-1425.html

  • The Karate Kid (2010)

    I’m going to cut to the chase: WATCH THIS MOVIE.

    When they showed the trailer to The Karate Kid, with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan, I thought it would be cute to watch. The same way you’d think that watching the movie Bolt would be cute to watch. I am very pleased to inform you that this movie was not only funny and entertaining, but also emotional, nostalgic and moving all at the same time.

    Jaden Smith delivers an amazing performance, even for a 12 year old. His uncanny similarity to his father, Will Smith, gave me a dose of familiarity that melted my heart. His “puppy eyes” look was exactly what you would have expected of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air when he was faced with any sad situation. You want to laugh at the memory, and cry at the situation.

    It wasn’t a straight-out remake of the original movie The Karate Kid (1984), but there were a few references that only those who have seen it would get. The famous “wax on wax off” makes a very subtle appearance, which made me laugh. It was so understated, you had to be careful not to miss it!

    The “wax on wax off” teaching is still there, in the form of making little Jaden do his chores and respect his mother. You’ll know what I mean when you see it, and the first time the kid realizes how to use the teachings is AMAZING. That first “fight” is unbelievable, and Jaden was incredible at making the “what the heck is happening?!” face. You are at the edge of your seat!

    Not only was Jaden a good actor, he was also a good sportsman. He’s able to do a full split!

    As for Jackie Chan, don’t expect him to be funny. I had never seen him perform in such a dark and dramatic role before. I was awed by his performance, and I’m sure you will, too.

    All of this brings me to my initial point: PLEASE WATCH THIS MOVIE! You will not regret it!

    ina

    Photo Credit: http://english.cri.cn/6666/2010/05/04/2521s567529.htm

  • 2010: Past and Future

    It’s the end of the year, and it’s time to start reminiscing on what we are leaving behind and looking forward to what is ahead.

    The year 2010 will heretofore be known as The Year of the Flood. Our whole world changed when we had to gut our basement and “move upstairs.” It basically feels like we live in a really expensive 3-br apartment. Crazy, huh? Well, remodeling downstairs will be done by the end of the year and we’ll get our two-story little house back!

    It is also the year I finished my MBA, and the year both my husband and I got new jobs! These are big changes, but ones that made us a million times happier than we were before. It’s really amazing how our quality of life has improved as a result of taking a chance and doing something new.

    2010 was also the year that Taylor Swift won 4 Grammys, that the Healthcare bill passed, that new arsenic-based life was discovered in Mono Lake in California, that the Chilean miners were rescued, that The Hurt Locker beat out Avatar for best picture, and a woman wins best director for the first time (James Cameron’s ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow), the year that Spain won the World Cup and the year of the BP oil spill disaster.

    So what’s waiting for us in 2011? There’s nothing that obviously stands out… So I guess it will be the year of surprises 🙂

    What are you looking forward to in the new year?

    ina

  • Xmas Shopping

    I had a great weekend! Played Settlers of Catan with my neighbors on Friday, went to a lovely holiday party on Saturday, and I went Christmas shopping with my friend @na on Sunday.

    @na proved to be a great shopping partner. She was decisive, quick, and focused. It was so much fun hanging out and catching up while getting a very important task done 🙂

    We got a head start and made it to Natick before the mobs did (seriously, it was empty! And it was 10 am!), so we went into the stores we wanted, searched, destroyed, and got out quickly. In the span of a morning we had breakfast (AMAZING CINNAMON CRUNCH BAGEL WITH HAZELNUT CREAM CHEESE AT PANETA BREAD), hit 14 stores in 3 shopping areas (including the mall), had lunch at Boloco (DELICIOUS CLASSIC BURRITO WITH CARNITAS AND GUACAMOLE ON A WHOLE WHEAT TORTILLA AND A JIMMY CARTER SHAKE) and we were home by 2PM.

    I now have purchased presents for everyone except for my mother and parents in law. It’ll come to me… I still got some time.

    Happy Holiday Shopping!

    ina

  • Devious Radio DJ

    I’m onto you, radio people. You play a sped-up version of songs so you can save precious seconds in your broadcasts. It became obvious to me when Taylor Swift songs started sounding like the chipmunks version! Ridiculous.

    I wag my finger at you, radio industry air space managers. You can’t fake me!

    ina

  • My first pat on the back

    The past month has been a mini roller coaster of emotions. Mini because there were no tears (like there usually are), but a roller coaster nonetheless.

    I have gone through brief moments of desperation, followed by longer periods of utter joy, followed by weeknights of absolute boredom. I’ve hit every point, high and low, as I cope with the change of environment.

    The pace of life is definitely slower on this side of the profit line. It’s exciting work, but I keep having to remind myself that just because I am moving slower it doesn’t mean that I’m not pulling my weight, and yesterday I got my confirmation.

    Ever since a certain intern left, they’ve been giving me small side projects that fall within my main core competency: manipulating thousands of rows of data in Excel and sending mass bitchy emails (mail merges) telling users they are not compliant with whatever arbitrary policy we are choosing to enforce this month. Well, after cleaning up the mess the intern left behind, and redrafting the utterly incomprehensible emails, I got my system down and efficiency up and everybody noticed!

    Apparently the champions of the initiative went over to my boss and said I was doing such a great job that they wanted me to switch teams. I know they were only joking, but they did tell me that they called me “super abi” in the other office. They love me!

    It felt good to do something right… Especially since my job requires a lot of learning and not enough “accomplishing” right now. It’ll shift, but it’s great to have an outlet for my ambition in the meantime.

    Way to go!

    abi

    Photo Credit: http://www.comicvine.com/forums/quests/3626/questing-for-beginners-clues-to-quests/573726/

  • To Kid or Not to Kid… that is the question

    My husband and I have been dancing around the decision of having children for about a year. There was never a question of “whether” we would have children, but a question of “when.” First, he wanted to settle into our new house, I wanted to finish my MBA, and most recently we would like to finish remodeling our basement.

    Well, we settled into the house last December, I finished my MBA in August, and the basement will be ready by year’s end. So, time to start popping them out? Screech! Not so fast. Are we ready for this???

    In an effort to figure out whether we are ready to move on with the baby plan or not, I made it a point to speak to parents all around me and listen for the main warnings. This is what I heard:

    • Your life will completely change
    • Make sure you take a trip before you have kids
    • Enjoy having a social life while you can
    • Say goodbye to selfish desires. From that moment it is all about the kids
    • Day care costs as much as a month’s rent or a mortgage
    • Be ready for strain in your marriage
    • You’ll get your life back when they turn 18, so have them soon so you’ll still be young enough to enjoy your new freedom
    • No more going out with friends on a moment’s notice
    • If you just want to experience motherhood, have only one kid: it’s easier than 2
    • Girls are a pain. Boys are easier.
    • Enjoy not having any ties for as long as you can!

    The more I asked for parents’ opinions, the more I didn’t want to hear them anymore. One parent couldn’t even stay on a positive note after I asked them for “good things” about children. They kept going back to the top of the list and complaining once more.

    Who would want to have children at all after hearing all of this?!

    Discouraged and tired of hearing how terrible having kids is for your personal freedoms and your way of life, I turned to my mother. Her eyes filled up with tears as she explained that the relationship you have with your children is like no other you have with anyone else, and how your children belong to you and you care about them so deeply because they are YOURS. The relationship is simply immensely satisfying.

    Corny? Yes. Insightful? Like you wouldn’t believe.

    I stopped thinking of kids as annoying babies and goo-goo toddlers, and started thinking of them as a family culture. It is really like creating your own mini ecosystem of inside jokes and customs that are only understood and accepted within your own clan.

    I started observing big families versus small families in that context, and I couldn’t get enough of the fact that you can create a better place for your children right within your own home. You can have the family you always wanted.

    Now, I have romanticized this topic a bit, and I am sure that all parents do this at some point or another before deciding to multiply. I have a theory of why we do this. It’s a bit complicated so bear with me here. Here’s an analogy:

    When you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend whom you like, but you’re not in love with, you usually don’t go and break up with that person right away. You stay because there is potential, and you think it’s fair to give it a chance. Now, imagine that God (or someone who has all the answers in the universe) came and told you that if you broke up with that person right now, someone better will come along and you will fall absolutely head over heels in love forever. Would you break up? If you trust that messenger (dude, it IS God), then heck yeah, you would! The problem in real life is that no such messenger ever knocks on our door. Nobody will be able to tell you that if you do something really hard right now that you will be immensely happy forever.

    That’s how I feel having children is, because you don’t just love your children like you love your parents, your husband or your sister; you fall in love with them (I feel like I ripped that quote off a movie). Many others can tell you what their experience is, but who knows what their initial motives to having children were? Who knows what kind of partner they have? Who knows what they are going through? The point is that we must be our own messenger and tell ourselves that it will be wonderful, in order for us to break up with our current lifestyle (which we like very much) and embark on a new amazing journey (which we will love).

    People do say you fall in love. And who can say no to love? Isn’t that all you need? (I know I ripped off the Beatles on that one).

    And so, I have started collecting happy thoughts from happy parents:

    • Yes, your life changes, but for the better
    • My daughter is just so cool, I just want to go home straight from work to spend time with her
    • I thought I wanted more time to go out with friends, but now when I go out I can’t stop wishing I were home with my little man
    • The relationship you have with your children is like no other
    • I love having our own little world
    • Have them soon so that you are still young when they are adults and you can share a grown-up relationship
    • You don’t want them to be “mini mes,” you hope they become a better version of you

    And with that, I’ll close by saying that I have learned a lot through this “research” process, and I am very thankful to be in a loving relationship with a wonderful man whose likeness (inside and out) my children would be lucky to inherit. We’ll be on this journey together, and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner.

    I hope this helps at least one person in their thought process through this tricky tricky subject. Good luck to all!

    ina

    Photo Source: http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/804433/thinking-about-having-a-third-baby

  • Spying on my house

    Wanna see something hilarious?

    I have the habit of remote desktoping into my computer at home throughout the day (that way I don’t have to connect to my blog from my work computer for important updates, such as this one).

    Today I clicked on the camera icon on my Quick Launch by mistake. I moved to close it right away, thinking the camera might not even work when you’re remotely connected, only to realize that I was wrong! It does still work! So I caught a glimpse of the guest room at home (where I keep my laptop and my blow dryer, obviously, who doesn’t?).

    If walls could talk, I’d catch them red handed! I guess this solves that philosophical mystery.

    I just thought it was hilarious!

    …

    Maybe you had to be there.

    Hello, Guest Room

    ina

  • Christmas has Arrived!

    For the first time EVER I have decorated my humble abode with the Christmas spirit. I went over to my mother-in-law’s house and ransacked her old Christmas decorations, and walked away with a few neat things.

    Here’s a look at our decorations. The tree is not up yet, since we have no room… I’ll have to figure that one out later on.

    My pride and joy: Snowy bookshelf top
    Simple and understated, yet festive fireplace
    Festive throw on couch, and little Christmas trees on the windows
    Even my bathroom was filled with the holiday spirit!

    Merry Christmas! (allow me to be the first to wish it to you)

    ina

    PS: This is my 300th Post! 🙂

  • RIP Flat Belly Diet

    Dog from Up: Squirrel!

    My friend Enrique Montoya has the funny habit of screaming “Squirrel!” every time I come up with a new thing to do, a la puppy from the movie “Up.” Monologues? Squirrel! Writing a book? Squirrel! Diet? Squirrel! I get his point.

    The 3-day diet was the most torturous experience of the past… week. I spent a billion dollars on new groceries, I couldn’t stop thinking about food, and half of the stuff I was eating was just absolutely not worthy of feeding a starving dog.

    But that’s not really what made me come to my senses… It was an incident that occurred on Friday in which my own food attacked me. That’s when I said ENOUGH! In short, hot oil splashed off the pan where I was making my tilapia fish and hit me in the eye like a bulls eye. After a couple trips to the emergency room, and some steroids and antibiotics, I am no longer in excruciating pain and I can see perfectly fine.

    So, no more diet. Now I want to get into theater 🙂 Squirrel!

    I’m only half kidding 🙂 I’m mostly looking forward to going home and decorating for the holidays tonight 🙂

    RIP Flat Belly Diet. Welcome Christmas!

    ina

    Photo Source: http://www.nieforth.net/2009/12/squirrel

  • Crazy Week. A Personal Update.

    Friday is finally here. Thought it would never come. Wednesday felt like a Friday, so in essence I have felt like I’ve been in a Friday loop (a la Groundhog Day) for 3 days. It’s really been maddening.

    Add that to all the other stuff going on: husband’s surprise birthday dinner, husband’s non-surprise birthday dinner, waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to have self-inflicted work meetings, and finding any few-minute stretch to shop for ingredients for the new diet, and you got yourself an exhausting week. Boredom officially cured.

    Can I have pizza now?… No?… right, that’s what I thought.

    The diet is still going. Today is Day 3 and I don’t feel starved, which is good. I weighed myself this morning and got 112.6 lbs. Did I actually lose 4 lbs in two days? I’ll give my scale the benefit of the doubt, but I bet it’s all water weight. Not fat, not muscle mass, just water. We’ll see where we are by the end of the anti-bloating diet (Sunday morning).

    Curious about the meals and every excruciating detail of every meal of the diet? Go to Blogging ina Kitchen.

    ina

  • Day 1 Down!

    Alright, Day 1 is behind us. Besides some difficulties getting the ingredients, experimenting with new tastes, and awful timing, I think it went pretty well! I haven’t quit yet, so I guess we are doing fabulously!

    I decided not to bore you with the details on the new diet. After all, since this is my new “obsession” I am bound to talk about it a LOT. So, if you want to follow those rants, and details on what I’m eating, you can visit my cooking blog at Blogging ina Kitchen.

    I’ll let you know how things are going from a mental, emotional and physical state here. So don’t fret, you’ll still get to find out how the diet is going 🙂 (yeah, I know it was keeping you up at night).

    ina

  • New Diet – Baseline

    Ready to do this thang?

    Here are my current baseline measurements to improve:

    Waist: 28 inches*
    Hip: 37.5 inches*
    Weight: 116.8lbs*
    Total Cholesterol: 231 (HDL 78, LDL 136)

    * Disclaimer: If you match these measurements, you do NOT… I repeat… do NOT need to lose weight! (no matter how tall or short you are) I’m just doing this out of boredom.

    I got my cholesterol measurements back… youza… awful overall cholesterol (should be less than 199). I got awesome good cholesterol (HDL – should >40), but my bad cholesterol (LDL) is slightly above the upper limit (should be <130).

    So, now that we got our baseline… start your engines!!!

    ina

  • New Diet: Flat Belly Diet

    So, if you’re a loyal reader (hi ma!), you know that I have been bored out of my skull, and I’ve been looking for something new to obsess over.

    I decided that this was as good time as any to go on a diet. Now, it can’t be just any diet. The problem with most of them is that they are so “you create your own plan” that I can’t keep enough interest in making the effort to create my own meals. I needed a plan that would just freaking tell me WHAT to eat and WHEN.

    And I have found it…

    The diet is called the Flat Belly Diet. The SOLE reason I picked this diet out is because it has a solid Breakfast-Lunch-Snack-Dinner plan in a book that is just 150 pages long. It’s a neat guide to WHAT to eat. All the other books I checked out were way too big, and required way too much thinking on my part.

    Diet Description

    Name: Flat Belly Diet
    Creator: Liz Vaccariello, Editor-in-Chief of Prevention Magazine
    Promise: To flatten your belly (no workout required), and to improve your heart-disease risk markers (cholesterol, triglycerides, etc)
    Science: Eat 1,600 calories per day (which is less than your average non-dieting person, hence, reducing your calorie intake). Include a food that contains mono-unsaturated fatty acids (MUFA) in every meal. This type of fat allegedly prevents the accumulation of belly fat.
    The Diet: Eat every 4 hours: Breakfast, Lunch, Snack, Dinner. The first four days are called the “Jumpstart” and must be followed to the letter. Its intention is to de-bloat you by concentrating on foods that don’t make you bloat (therefore, certain fruits and vegetables are excluded during these 4 days). The next 28 days are more flexible and varied in what you can have. The pocket guide to the diet has an entire list of substitutes in case you don’t like a particular thing.

    So, here we are. Day -1 of the diet (I’m starting tomorrow).

    Day -1

    So, what do I have to do to prepare? First of all, if we are going to measure success, we might as well start with some actual measurements, otherwise known as a baseline.

    Waist: 28 inches*
    Hip: 37.5 inches*
    Weight: 117.8lbs*

    *save your eye-rolling. I know I don’t need to lose weight, and if you have these measurements, you don’t have to either!!! I’d like to refer you to the very first sentence of this post, which states the reason why I’m doing this in the first place: boredom!

    In addition to flattening your belly, the diet also claims to improve cholesterol… so I went to get my blood drawn today and we’ll know my cholesterol baseline in a few days. We are doing this, bitches!!!

    Next I had to make something called “Sassy Water.” You’re supposed to drink this with every meal during the first 4 days. I’m not sure of the nutritional value, but the book says it soothes your GI tract. I’ll take their word for it. Here’s what’s in it:

    2 liters water (about 8 ½ cups)
    1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
    1 medium cucumber, peeled and thinly sliced
    1 medium lemon, thinly sliced
    12 small spearmint leaves.

    You’re supposed to mix the ingredients and let them hang out overnight, then drink the whole thing by the end of each day. If you stick with 8 ounces per meal, you’ll accomplish this seemingly impossible task. Or so I keep telling myself.

    I bought the ingredients today and made it at work. After all, 3 of 4 of those servings are going to be had while I’m in the office. It definitely made for interesting conversation in the breakroom… and got some stares, too.

    Anyways, Sassy Water, DONE! I got stuff to do tonight, so I have no idea at what time I’ll be going out shopping for the rest of the groceries… don’t you love new self-imposed sources of stress?

    I’ll chronicle my journey here, under the Category “Food and Diet.” As for the meals I prepare, I might review them in my Ina Kitchen blog.

    Enjoy!

    ina

  • Is there life out there?

    Hellooooo… is anyone out there?… can anyone hear me?…

    I think I have taken this “say No more often” rule a little too far. I am bored out of my mind.

    Lately I have been coming straight home from work, watching TV, going to sleep, then going to work the next morning and start the cycle all over again. I’m not doing anything new or exciting, and I’m seriously starting to feel the consequences of it.

    I know there is a bigger world out there. Bigger than the little world of work-home-bed I have been living in for the past couple of weeks. I don’t know how Brian (husband) does it. He could live in his own little world, undisturbed, forever and ever. I have this NEED to get out and explore other worlds.

    I need a new obsession. I need a new thing to do. Piano is still there, and I’m still playing it and enjoying it, but I’m not obsessed with it. I need something new and exciting. I need a new goal. Something new to study for, maybe? Something with a deadline?

    Any suggestions?

    ina

    Photo Credit: Psychologytoday.com

  • Losing my Super Powers

    It only took three weeks in the new job for me to start missing my old company. After sorting through some feelings, I believe I have narrowed down what it is that I suddenly felt a sense of loss about: my super powers.

    In my last job I was a master at standardizing and digitizing processes because I was a self-taught superadvanced user of a particular workflow tool. The tool allowed you to create forms online and add routing complexity in the backend. I was so awesome at using these tools that people from other teams would often tap me on the shoulder to create workflows for them. That was my main superpower.

    Now, at the hospital, I see exactly the same process issues as I solved in my last job… The difference being that I no longer have that workflow tool to fall back on. I almost pulled all my hair out at a meeting with my director last week because I couldn’t believe how easy it would be to solve some of their most simple problems by creating a form online. But no such tool is available here.

    So… There you have it… Spiderman moves to a new city where there are no high rises to spiderweb-swing from. Aquaman moves to a land-locked state. Superman moves to an underground commune where flying doesn’t quite work to your advantage.

    Well, I’ll just have to think outside the box now, won’t I? I’m still awesome at spreadsheets though 🙂

    abi

  • Boston Love

    If there’s one thing I love about Boston is the fact that every sight you see is a photo op.

    Here are some of my favorite candid pictures taken with my cellphone camera.

    Enjoy the sights!

    ina

    Cambridge as seen from Boston
    Beautiful sunset
    Prudential and Hancock buildings as seen from the Mass Pike
    Foggy Downtown Boston
    TD Garden (home of the Celtics and Bruins) and Zakim bridge
    the Church at Copley Square
    Boston Public Library
    Artistic view of the Hancock Building and the Church at Copley

  • Dwelling

    Today my husband, Brian, will be leaving me for a week for California due to work matters. And I am left here… dwelling.

    The poor thing was hung over most of the day yesterday after a night of partying at Christine‘s housewarming party. We ate a lot of food and got to see old friends we hadn’t seen in a while. It was a great time! Until 11pm rolled around and I turned back into a pumpkin… In other words, I fell right asleep on the couch. It was embarrassing to be the only one who crashed (as I was the only one not drinking). It was also unfortunate that Brian chose that exact moment to talk to my girlfriends about how we met, how I help him broaden his horizons, how we went to see Star Trek Insurrection in college and he swooned the entire walk back home just because I was holding his arm, and other sweet things like that. I was sitting RIGHT THERE but didn’t hear a word of this because I was counting Z’s. I got the rough summary from Christine once I woke up. I can’t believe I missed it! I guess I should get him drunk more often, huh?

    But I digress. He’s about to leave me for a whole week and I am already feeling that hit that couples dependence strikes you with when separation occurs. I’m already setting up social events for every evening this week so that I don’t sit at home doing nothing.

    The way I see it, this could go one of two ways: I’ll be so busy that this week will fly by and it’ll be like nothing happened. Or, I’ll take this opportunity to clean the house, practice piano, save up on eating out by cooking my meals, and maybe even figure out a workout schedule (this spike in productivity is what Brian and I refer to as “curing Cancer”). So perhaps I’ll be curing Cancer this week.

    Ok, enough rambling. I reserve my right to dwell the lack of companionship this week, and just hope it flies by.

    Have a great week everyone!

    ina

  • Mushy Post

    Warning: the following post may contain a proclamation of love for my husband. Read at your own risk.

    Last night I went out to dinner with my husband Brian, my friend Enrique Montoya, and one of my ex-peers from business school, whom we’ll call Dilbert.

    So, Dilbert was interested in finding out more about products and services offered by my old company (where Enrique still works) and my husband’s company, so I set up a fun dinner for the 4 of us to catch up and for Enrique and Brian to spill the beans on what it’s like to work at their workplaces.

    It took a lot of convincing and manipulation to get Brian to agree to come to dinner at all, but I knew he’d have a good time (he’s met Enrique and he likes him). What I didn’t expect was for him to make me fall in love with him all over again.

    He was quiet most of the evening, which is not surprising considering Brian is a pretty shy guy and hates bringing attention to himself (unlike his loud-mouth wife). Sit him next to someone as outgoing and loquacious as Enrique, and you will completely forget he’s sitting at the table.

    Fortunately, Enrique is fully self-aware and made sure to let Brian get a few words in. And that’s when I just sat back and listened to him do something he doesn’t do often: tell people about himself. Well, it was more like talking about his work environment, but it was stuff I hadn’t heard him talk about before with anyone else but me, and I was just in awe. You know it’s true love when you can just look at the person sitting in front of you and you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

    On the way home I told him how sexy he looked talking to others. I think he felt a bit of pride, because he appeared to believe me. That made me happy. It’s so important for me to know he feels appreciated and loved, especially when he gets out of his shell in public (once in a blue moon).

    When we got home, still in the car, we got into a disagreement about one of the things the contractor was going to do in the basement. Here’s a life lesson: disagreements will happen, it’s all about how you both handle them when they arise. The progression of the conversation is hard to explain, since there are a lot of inside jokes in there, but it was sort of like this:

    ina: I don’t want him to do it that way. That’s not what we agreed.
    Brian (after a few attempts at explaining to me why he agreed with the contractor): well maybe you should look up the part online and talk to him, I’m not going to fight him on it.
    ina (almost falling asleep and nearly incoherent): Brian…
    Brian: I know, I know, but I’m not going to fight it.
    ina: no, you don’t know what I’m going to say
    Brian: yes, I do
    ina: no, you don’t… Listen…
    Brian: uh huh…
    ina (same topic, but slightly off a tangent): how are you going to connect your TV speakers?
    Brian: at first they will rest on the table
    ina: and later?
    Brian: I’ll hang them up
    ina: how are you going to hide the wires?
    Brian: we’re going to paint the TV wall area black so the wires are hidden
    ina: oh and who approved that? I haven’t approved that
    Brian: yes, remember that email I sent you with the picture I found online? (picture provided below for reference)

    ina (shouting but laughing a little): right, you Mister I-hate-vague-questions, that email you sent me saying “what do you think?” and then I said “I don’t know what I’m looking at”??
    Brian (almost laughing): yes, and I said look at the wall!
    ina: YES, THERE WAS A RED WALL ON THE PICTURE AND I ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED A RED WALL! AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID??? YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR ANSWER WAS?? (at this point Brian is laughing hysterically) YOU SAID “I HAVEN’T THOUGHT ABOUT THE COLOR YET”!!! (I cracked up) WHEN DID YOU EVER TALK ABOUT A BLACK WALL??

    At that point we were both laughing so hard we were afraid we would wake up the neighbors.

    We went inside, and I gave him a big hug and told him I loved him. We cuddled together on the couch to watch the news and then went to sleep.

    I don’t know how to explain to you how much this night meant to me. I know he felt it, too. We just felt so happy to be with each other. I can’t wait to live the rest of my life with this man.

    ina

  • Sweetness and Bitterness

    As I pull back the curtain on the wizard of wonderful jobs and realized dreams, I expect the feeling of euphoria to die down little by little. You should expect to read more about these realizations in the coming months, as I adjust to this new environment.

    I have to say that everybody has been very nice… which makes me feel like I’m on the Truman Show. I can sense that something is off, but can’t quite put my finger on it exactly, while everybody else is pretty much conspiring to only show their pleasant side. Is that jaded of me to think?

    Luckily for me, my boss is nice but I actually like her, which means there is a strong possibility that she does genuinely like me back, in which case her niceness is justified. Everyone else… eh… I remain skeptical until the niceness turns authentic. Considering I am doing my best not to be my normal bitchy self (and boy is it hard!), this getting-to-know-you phase may last for a little while.

    The good news is that a friend from my last job lives right down the street from the hospital and she works from home quite a bit, so we had lunch together today and we might do that more often! She will provide a very much needed sense of grounding and reality in this fake universe I’m temporarily submerged in. It’s the best of both worlds!!!!!!!!!!! Sweet!

    Speaking of sweetness, today was “bring your favorite snack to work” day, so I’ve been pigging out on cookies all day long. It’s all so strange… People smiling all around you, feeding you cookies and chocolates. I feel like I’m being fattened up to be served with an apple in my mouth and mashed potatoes on the side.

    So that’s my update for the day… Not very juicy, I know… I’m sure I’ll be inspired to talk more as more things happen.

    abi

  • Veronica Mars (2004-2007)

    Veronica Mars

    Short version:
    I discovered Veronica Mars over the weekend and I love her!

    Long version:

    The Find

    This past weekend my husband Brian and I embodied the very essence of sloth. After dropping my mother off at the airport and waving our contractor goodbye for the day on Saturday morning, we found a comfortable spot on the couch and caught up with every show we had on our DVR.

    By 6PM we had completely ran out of shows, so Brian turned on Roku and started watching some insane scifi show from the early 90’s called Lexx or something. So I put on my headphones and decided to look for an instant play movie to watch on Netflix on my laptop.

    Didn’t find any movies, so I moved onto browsing the TV show series, and there it was… Veronica Mars.

    I had never seen the show before, but I have grown quite fond of Kristen Bell ever since seeing her on the best comedy ever, Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008). So I decided to give it a try.

    The Show

    The first episode of the third (and final) season begins with Veronica Mars starting her first year of college at the fictional Hearst College, in her fictional home town of Neptune, CA. That was a good season for me to start watching: new environment, new friends, none of the nuances of a new TV show, plus it’s more relatable to my age (as opposed to high school shows). Also, the new environment doesn’t require much need for knowing background information, although I’m sure the high school days were very formative for the young detective.

    A good portion of the third season revolves around a mystery concerning some rapes on campus. On one side you have the fraternities trying to stand by their innocence, and on the other you have the campus feminists trying to shut them down. Then there’s the side-story love-triangle involving the dean of students (AWESOME AWESOME ED BEGLEY JR), his young wife, and Veronica’s beloved criminology professor (played by the same actor that played yummy Professor Lasky in Saved By The Bell: The College Years, Patrick Fabian). Each episode also focuses on smaller crimes which have to be solved, and the romance between Veronica and trust-fund high-school-sweetheart Logan.

    This show has it all without confusing the viewer and always leaving them wanting more. Even Brian started watching it, and was amazed at how they are able to have a season-finale-like cliffhanger at the end of every single episode!

    The Main Character

    Veronica is the quintessential independent woman of the millennium. She’s opinionated, not easily dissuaded, and has one heck of a lot of common sense. She makes big decisions seem easy, and she exudes confidence.

    Young girls who have similar personalities to Veronica’s may feel isolated at times (not that I’m speaking from experience or anything), and it’s encouraging to see Veronica manage her own personality shortfalls with confidence.

    The Mole

    My father refers to imperfections as “moles” (as in the ones on your face).

    The “mole” of this show, I have to say, is Veronica’s father, Keith Mars, played by Enrico Colantoni. I appreciated his sexy, albeit bald, casanova role in Just Shoot Me (1997), and I just really don’t buy him as the cool but caring and nurturing dad. He makes this puppy dog face that is just simply not congruent with his former-sheriff character. The way he’s playing it may appeal to young audiences who wish they had a cool and soft and teddy-bear like father, but we, the adult watchers, simply don’t buy it.

    The Recommendation

    If you’re looking for old shows to get hooked on, my first recommendation will always be Frasier (1993-2004) 🙂 However, Veronica Mars is a good one to follow it with 🙂

    ina

  • Ghandi (1982)

    Ghandi

    Last week I watched the movie Ghandi (1982). For those who know who Gandhi is, but don’t quite know how he became the leader he became, you might really get some insight from watching this movie.

    I have to say I had no idea what he had done or how. I thought he was just this little guy who was religious, devoted, and with just a set of principles to guide him, and people flocked to him solely for what he stood for. Well, now I know what an important political figure he was. He managed to influence the government, and to influence thousands of people to stand peacefully against the English empire. Simply by “non violent non-cooperation,” he got the Indian people to stand up for themselves (1940’s) and dismiss the English forces.

    There were some parts of the movie that were quite disturbing. They portrayed a massacre that occurred in the hands of General Dyer, and the violent riots that occurred between muslims and hindu people after the English had withdrawn (which split the country into Pakistan and India, ultimately). I was horrified at how barbaric people can behave when their core beliefs are shaken.

    During the movie, Ghandi did not proclaim himself to be hindu, christian, muslim, or jewish. He proclaimed to be ALL religions. He preached that we are all one and the same, and it makes no sense to separate us. However, ultimately, a new generation stepped up to fight for their beliefs. It was clear these young people who were shouting “Death to Muslims” were not the same people that followed Ghandi during his fight against England. That pivotal moment is when you realized that this little old man had started a movement that was bigger than himself.

    Even after he was killed on his way to lead the daily prayers, the troubles between India and Pakistan continue, and the corruption in the new democracy of India persist.

    It’s a world like none we could even imagine living in, and Ghandi takes credit for being a peaceful leader and standing for equality at all levels of humanity. Who knows what could have happened if he had not been shot. Would Pakistan and India be in a better place? Would he have more influence over government actions and over corruption? Who knows.

    I encourage others to watch this movie. It’s moving, informative, and eye opening.

    ina

  • Week 2 Down

    Two weeks in… Still trying to take it all in. There is so much that I don’t know, that I can’t state many absolute truths yet. In other words, there are some things I can say, and there are some things I can’t say… allow me to illustrate:

    I can say that…

    – I love my job
    – I am happy
    – I am comfortable with the idea of working here for many years to come
    – I love not having a laptop (I get a desktop)
    – I like being in a room with so many women who are around my age (so much potential for new friendships!)
    – I love working with doctors
    – I love my boss
    – I’m loving the chocolate culture on this floor. Someone just stopped me in the hallway and just gave me a Kit Kat. I am DEAD serious. They even have a chocolate closet, where people bring random candy to share.
    – I am not afraid of going to bed early. I used to drag the night on and on so that tomorrow would never come.
    – I want to have my boss’s job eventually. I admire her and want to be like her.
    – I love being able to give blood, and help hospital research studies (for money). That’ll be my bonus system 🙂

    I can’t say that…

    – I can’t wait for it to be Monday or to get up in the morning.
    – Everyone in my office liked me right away, nor can I say that I love everybody.
    – I am 100% comfortable with everyone in my office. I hate getting-to-know-you pains.
    – I know exactly what is expected of me yet
    – That I know what I’m doing
    – I know what my lunch situation will be going forward. So far I’ve had lunch at my desk alone, but Fridays more people are interested in eating together. Except for today, when only one person wants to have lunch with me.

    So there you have it. I got a whole bag of mixed feelings, but I think the consensus is that this job is a great fit for me. Let’s see how long the euphoria lasts.

    abi

  • Commuting Woes

    Charlie Ticket

    Yesterday, somewhere between the subway and the commuter rail station, I lost my monthly MBTA pass for the month of November.

    Tragic.

    “But ina, can’t you just call a hotline, show them your receipt, and get a replacement?” Why, that’s a great idea! Only that the MBTA doesn’t provide replacement for monthly cards. I guess it would just be too easy to rip off said Transit Authority by claiming a lost pass when really you just want a free one for your buddy, spouse, kids, etc. My only choice is to drop the $186 and buy a new pass (it is only day 3 into the month, after all).

    This is an outrage. I don’t have a better suggestion for how they can manage this situation (other than changing their technology such that they’d have the ability to deactivate the old card). So I’ll just exercise my right as a consumer to stand on my soap box and just complain about an imperfect system that just cost me $372 in these tough economic times.

    I wag my finger at you, MBTA. Not cool.

    ina

  • Starve a Vampire, Donate Blood

    I donated blood last Friday for the first time in my whole life! I think that’s a really big deal, but I haven’t been successful in getting the same reaction out of other people. Anyways, I thought I’d share a few myths and maybe encourage one person out there to donate as well.

    When I was in college the Red Cross would stop by our campus for blood drives. I remember stopping by their booth and asking them about the requirements. The first was weight. I did not meet the 110lbs minimum to donate. Furthermore, I had traveled outside the United States in the past year (I used to go back home to Venezuela twice a year), so that was my double wammy.

    Then I had this “episode” (still in college) where my platelet count mysteriously dropped to dangerous levels and I was hospitalized for three days. If they didn’t want me to donate blood before, they REALLY won’t want me now!

    Which brings us to contemporary times. I had never donated blood and I had my list of reasons. Case closed, right? Wrong!

    I now work at a hospital, and part of the orientation was to let us know the Blood Donation Center is always open for new donors. The girl presenting was SO nice and bubbly and made it sound like such a good time that I thought I’d email her and ask her if I could donate.

    Her answers were:

    1) The 110lbs limit is only applicable on their “mobile” units. In the hospital the lower limit actually is 100lbs.
    2) The list of countries that would cause a deferral has been adjusted such that they only care about travel to rural areas where malaria may be present. Therefore, traveling to a metropolitan city, such as Caracas, is not a concern.
    3) As long as my platelet count episode was not part of a continuous blood disorder, and my platelet count was fine now, I should be able to donate.

    So, with those points as reassurance, I walked right into the Donation Center determined to close the deal.

    They had me fill out a survey first. They want to make sure you have not had exposure to AIDS. In my opinion, there were some questions that were not really pertinent to whether you’ve had exposure to diseases or not. Maybe it was just the way they were phrased. For example, they asked if you have paid for sex in the past. I understand they mean to ask if you have had sex with prostitutes, but I’m sure there are plenty of people who may ask for money in exchange for favors who don’t have their own corner. I don’t know… I guess I don’t see what the “paying” part has to do with your exposure. Another question asked if you are male and have had sex with another man since 1977. That just seems like an ignorant question that associates AIDS with being gay. So yes, I had certain political views against some of the questions.

    Disclaimer: I can’t say for sure which questions would get them to turn you away if you answered yes to them, though. They did ask if my mother had been born outside the US, and they didn’t turn me away. If you have questions about your eligibility, you should ask your nearest donation center!

    Once that was done with, I went in and did the deed. They had a Halloween theme and all the nurses were dressed in costumes (my pumpkin earrings fit right in!). The assistant was very sweet. She was in training so I got a 43-year veteran to guide her. I felt like I was learning alongside her. 10min later I was off and on my way with a sticker and a T-shirt that said “Starve a Vampire, Donate Blood” which I thought was very clever and cute 😉

    You’re allowed to donate blood every 56 days. I already put it in my calendar to make sure I donate as much as possible. I love hospitals. I’m so weird.

    ina

  • Speak Now

    Taylor Swift – Speak Now

    Last week, on my commute back home one day, the train experienced delays. I had nothing to read and I had managed to mess up the one side I had completed on my Rubics cube (yet again), so I decided to just read something light. I went on my smartphone and News.Googled Taylor Swift. Maybe I’d catch a glimpse of what critics are saying of her new Album titled “Speak Now” (released Oct 25th). I was not prepared for what I found.

    Turns out that LAST YEAR this critic called Bob Lefsetz (former entertainment lawyer whose opinion apparently matters) had said a few things about our Tay Tay that were not very flattering. He claims she can’t sing and probably HAS to use something called an “auto tune” in order to sound on key. Mind you, this is after he had written a rave after going to one of her awesome concerts.

    Taylor didn’t take this sitting down. She called him up and had a long conversation with him to address his comments. Bob said she was intelligent and had full domain of certain topics. She assured him she doesn’t use am auto-tune and wouldn’t even know what one looked like if it was put in front of her. She even invited him to check out her equipment. Then he said he still stood by his opinion that she can’t sing. She laughed it off and said she could take that, but what she could not take was any claim that accused her of being inauthentic.

    Then there were claims that her new song “Mean” was about him. I can see it, after all, she does say:

    ♪ Nobody’s listening,
    Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things,
    Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing ♪

    I don’t really care what this dude has to say. People don’t come to Taylor’s concerts to hear an Aria. They come because they love her and love singing along and love that she cares about them so much. She’s a real-life Barbie doll who inspires young girls the way that the Barbie comics used to inspire me when I was 9. Barbie was always so kind to others, so loved, so humble, so daring, so adventurous, that I really wanted to be like her. That’s the impact our dear Tay Tay has on her fans. Can she sing? Well, of COURSE she can. Put her up on a stage with a mike and she certainly makes it sound good (as a karaoke aficionado, I can attest to the fact that it is HARD to sound good on a microphone). Now, does she have the vocal range of Martina McBride or Carrie Underwood? Definitely not, but that’s not Taylor’s hook anyway, so who cares?

    I do have a confession to make, though. After reading these critiques, I see Taylor in a different light.

    You see, we, the fans, are completely sheltered from the bad stuff because we follow Taylor on Twitter, Facebook, mySpace or through her very-fan-oriented TaylorSwift.com site, where no bad stuff ever enters. We follow her bandmates on Twitter, and we delight ourselves in knowing which country they are visiting at the moment, which TV show they are playing on, and learning what great foods they ate along the way. There is never talk about anything bad, and I really appreciated that. It fed our perfect fantasy.

    Now that I realize, like Bob Lefsetz, that Taylor’s love stories are no longer anonymous, she’s going to have to take a deep breath and accept the consequences that her stories belong to those who participated in them also, and not just her. People will lash out, respond, and create a second side to Taylor’s songs. Did she know this was coming? I really didn’t see it coming… but I guess it makes sense.

    So now that I know that “Mean” is about Bob, that “Dear John” and “The Story of Us” are both about John Mayer, that “Back to December” is about Taylor Lautner, that “Last Kiss” is about Joe Jonas, and that “Better than Revenge” is about Camilla Belle (stealing Joe away), I have to say that I am a bit scared for Taylor. She’s a very nice person with real feelings and a lot of class, and it must feel like nails on a chalkboard to see that her letters, which will continue to make her famous, are targetting people who have their own fans and defense. It’s as if her personal diary had been plastered all over the news… but she was the one who leaked it.

    I feel very uncomfortable with this way of lashing out at the world. I know she can only write what she knows, and her own feelings are what she knows… but writing letters to her past boyfriends in such a public way may backlash.

    I just hope she can start seeing the difference between being authentic and airing out your dirty laundry. It’s not classy, it’s not necessary, and it’s not her.

    ina

  • Week 1 Down

    I made the right choice, and it feels fucking great.

    Working at a hospital has its perks: cheap gym membership, an awesome health-foods color-coding process at the cafeteria, a blood bank to donate to nearby, first hand emails from research studies looking for subjects (who get paid for participating), and friendly staff. Not to mention the presence of doctors everywhere you look, and that comforting smell of super-antibacterial soap when you wash your hands (every 5 minutes).

    Everything about this place reminds me of why I used to volunteer at hospitals in the first place. So it doesn’t even feel like work. It feels like I’m volunteering every day!

    This morning I will be going to donate blood. I had never donated before for a few reasons: weight minimum not met, recent international travel, or that freak blood disorder that struck only once while I was in college never to reappear. Well, I took all my questions to a VERY NICE girl at the blood donation center who answered every single one of them quickly and definitively. It appears as though I have been cleared for take-off 🙂 It also helps that they have all these incentives to donate, like raffles to trips or T-shirts. Today’s theme is halloween 🙂

    Anyways, about the job itself: turns out that I don’t actually work in the IT department! I have finally branched out of that place and moved onto the business side of things. It feels AWESOME but scary at the same time. Yesterday I had a meeting with the IT department and I could recognize everything about it: the cubicle farm, the way people talked, everything! And I finally got it: I am not in that hell hole any more and I do NOT want to go back!

    My boss is sweet, my coworkers are sweet, all the stuff I need to learn is sweet, and I am just one tired but happy camper 🙂

    Let’s see how long it lasts……. Gulp.

    abi

  • Post-Mortem: Helping or Hole Digging?

    I got a response to my thank you note from that leader who said all those nice things about me at the conference (which I didn’t get to attend). He stated that he meant every word and thought our company had lost a great employee. Then he added a paragraph asking me why I had not talked to anyone about this. Knowing that one of our Diversity Group’s goals was retention, he was struggling with the question of why I wouldn’t bring it up earlier. Why didn’t I come to him?

    I must give him credit for the extremely politically correct way he phrased his question. He did not seem confrontational, and it appeared as though he was simply gathering feedback.

    My REAL response to that would have been: what was the point? If I had brought it up BEFORE getting an actual offer, and the offer had fallen through, I would have been identified as someone who wants to jump ship, and that may have affected my future in the company (why invest on an employee who has one foot out the door?). If I had said something AFTER getting an offer, then I would have looked as if I was seeking a counter offer, which, again, rarely ever works to the employee’s advantage and almost never results in the employee staying for longer than a year after that.

    Speaking up before making a decision was a lose for me, anyway you look at it. Why put myself through that?

    But that’s not what I answered. I stuck to my script: I was not looking to leave, I was not unhappy, a friend forwarded me the description and I just couldn’t deny myself my dream of working in a hospital environment. There was nothing my company could do.

    However, I did have some feedback for them.

    The Diversity Group organization, of which I was a Chapter President for the Boston area, is a great networking vehicle for minorities in the company. We have a strong support group and we do good things for the community. The problem is that the Diversity Group’s leadership is composed of executives that may or many not work in your division. What it ends up being is sort of like working for two completely separate and disjointed organizations: your real work organization, and the Diversity Group organization.

    In my case, I was a SUPER STAR in the Diversity Group org. When I said I was leaving I got calls from everybody in that hierarchy: why was I leaving? Why didn’t I talk to them? What could they have done to prevent this from happening? However, I got absolutely no calls from my real work organization. My bosses were very politically correct, said all the right things “we hate to lose you, what can we do to keep you” but there was no passion behind it. After all, I had been a member of the Diversity Group team for 7 years, but had only been at my latest role for 8 months. There was absolutely no attachment to my coworkers, so they didn’t “feel the hit” of losing me the way that the Diversity Group did.

    So I told him so. Is there any way to make the Diversity Group feel more like it counts with the support of your real work organization? I could not think of very good suggestions on how to do that, but all I could say was that my manager had NO IDEA that I had a whole list of executives across the business who were shocked at my departure. No clue whatsoever.

    Does this help the organization? I would like to think so… the leader replied almost right away thanking me for my thoughtful response, that he would take my points to the leadership for further discussion, and agreed we should have a beer next time he was in town.

    So, did I just dig myself into a deeper hole? or did I help retention for that organization?

    I just don’t know… I would never advise someone to share feelings about why they left a company with someone who is there. But I felt this was a good point, not personal, that they could really take back and perhaps work on.

    I don’t know… I really don’t know…

    abi

  • Feeling Great

    I had an awesome week. I spent pretty much 100% of my time focusing on basement renovations. I interviewed 5 contractors, 5 HVAC specialists and 5 electricians, and also attended my town’s building inspector’s office hours. I feel like an expert in what needs to be done in my basement now.

    I wish I could have spent some more time with my reading or maybe even working out more, but I am very comfortable with how my time was spent. I was so productive that I can’t even imagine how on Earth I would have gotten all of that done had I not taken this week off. It was perfect and boosted my mood and energy level.

    Today, I’ll get things cleaned up around here in preparation for my mother’s 2 week visit, and I’ll plan our meals for the week. But first, I’ll take a run around the block to burn off some of the calories I had for breakfast (originating from a triple chocolate chip muffin – yikes).

    Here’s wishing you a great end to a fabulous weekend!

    ina

  • The Best Week Ever

    So you might be wondering what I have been up to this week off. Did I tear myself apart in despair and depression over leaving my last company? Did I immerse myself in Health Care reading to be prepared for my new hospital job? Did I devote my time to working out and eating well to kick off this new era in my life?

    Well, No, No and Sorta. I spent the entire week interviewing contractors to do work in my basement, clearing out the basement area to get it all ready to start work, and set up a garage sale to get rid of all the crap we don’t want anymore.

    So, no, I haven’t had time to read up on Health Care or to exercise (much), but I sure as heck didn’t get all weepy about losing my last job! Don’t know about you, but that was a big surprise to me. I was expecting to crash and suffer from time-waste paralysis this whole week. But I didn’t! I was SO productive it’s not even funny!

    So, I’ve had the BEST week ever, and I’m fully energized to start my new job on Monday.

    One more thing… do you remember me talking about that video I made for the conference I didn’t get to attend? I sent an email to one of the organizers and I asked them how it had gone (there are so many things that tend to go wrong with those things, that I wanted to make sure they were all set and my memory lived on in a positive light). He replied saying everything had gone perfectly, and that everybody loved my video! Also, one of the leaders of the organization had some very nice things to say about me while he gave a speech to the attendees from my business. Apparently my name also came up in their national leaders meeting when they were talking about metrics tracking (which I implemented during my tenure in that team). Soooo, all in all, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I sent a nice note to that leader thanking him for the kind words.

    With a big smile, I bid you adieu for now, until I have something else to write about in my new job!!! Wish me luck!

    abi

  • The Exit Interview


    My exit interview was with my HR manager, over the phone, my second to last day at the company.

    Before the interview, they had me fill out a whole survey with questions asking me why I’m leaving, whether I felt supported by my manager, whether I felt I knew the direction of the company, things like that. They were all radio buttons with the options Strongly Agree/Agree/Neither agree nor disagree/Disagree/Strongly Disagree. The best way to fly under the radar is to answer everything as “Agree”. HR tends to ignore those completely. The only ones they probe you on are the ones where you said “Neither agree nor disagree”, “Disagree” or “Strongly Disagree.”

    With that in mind, I answered Agreed or Strongly Agreed to everything, except a couple of things, which I answered “Neither agree nor disagree.” One question was about me understanding the growth initiatives in the company. I told HR that I simply wasn’t in a strategic position in the company and their emails went over my head. I did go the extra mile to tell them that I don’t believe everything the leadership says because they have a stock price to worry about, and unless I had time to research our competitors, I really don’t get a good view of where the company is going. I totally could have just answered Agree on this one, who cares about my opinion on this anyway?

    The second one was “Do you feel the opportunities in this company are better than opportunities in most other companies.” I explained that I see other companies as different, and I can’t say that my company is the end-all of perfect jobs.

    At the end she asked me if there was anything else I wanted to add. I did say that maybe if they wanted to take a proactive approach at retention, they would have noticed that I applied for a job based in Boston (in my same company, different division) early in the year. If they had talked to me about what I was trying to accomplish, maybe it would have come out that I wanted something more local, and the story would have been different. Having said that, I worked remotely from this office happily for 4 years, and it would be hard for you to probe every single employee if they don’t speak up themselves. But that’s just a tip, in case they wanted to get proactive about it. Her answer “did your manager support you in your application for that job?” I said yes, she said “ok, then the process is working right.” And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is why it is NOT worth saying negative things in exit interviews. This was a VERY MILD case of defensiveness, after all, I wasn’t badgering anybody or my job or HR or anything like that, it was a very innocent tip based on a true fact. The response was less than introspective.

    Anyways, really not much to tell there, but I thought I’d chronicle it anyway. Best advice is to Agree on everything, and leave with a smile on your face and a Thank You in your lips.

    abi

    Image Source: http://www.careerfaqs.com.au/resignation-tips/547/Whats-in-an-exit-interview

  • The Long-Awaited Last Day

    I thought I’d be happy today, but I am F R E A K I N G O U T instead. Is that weird?

    Last night, as I watched TV and made the final touches to the accomplishments video for an upcoming conference, which I will not be attending, I started to “feel it.” The lethargy. The despair. The freak out. These are feelings I had long been avoiding by focusing on other petty things over the past couple of weeks. But there was no dodging it, and there it is, the feeling that comes with radical change.

    It is my last day and I don’t really have that much to do. I’ll be returning my computer at the end of the day, I’ll be shipping my phone out to whomever, and I’ll be backing up some files up somewhere where my team can retrieve if they need to. That’s all I have to do… and I’m STILL procrastinating.

    Unceremonious Departure
    Maybe it’s just a hazard of the corporate trade, but my exit feels a bit unceremonious. I spent my entire career here, for better or for worse. However, there is only ONE person who has been there with me throughout (well, not even, he was there in my first year, and then in my last 3). Everybody else I’ve just met and left along the way. Over the past 8 years I have held 9 jobs, had 13 managers, and about a trillion HR managers (the most recent one I have only known for a couple of months). Also, my latest job started in March. Therefore, in essence, the people who currently surround me and work with me have only done so for 8 months at most, so they feel like I’m leaving after having put in just a few months of work. They don’t feel I am leaving after 8 years. Nobody does because nobody has worked with me for that long. Isn’t that messed up? To work at a company the good part of a decade and still feel like you are leaving a job you’ve had for only half a year?

    Most of the people invited to my goodbye lunch decided that it wasn’t worth it to come into the office, an they opted for working from home today (conveniently). What kind of people are these? Oh well, I don’t like them anyway, the ones who matter did show up (and even organized the lunch for me). Those are the friends I’ll continue to have even after I’m long gone.

    With that, I guess I’ll be leaving. No gifts. No hugs. No song. No parade. No matter.

    … but I am rocking it tonight at the bar across the street! OH YEAH. Nothing can stop me from getting pissed drunk tonight.

    abi

  • Quitting

    There have been times in my life when I have felt like a failure. Times when I know I could have done better, but for some reason decided it wasn’t worth the struggle. Times when I just quit.

    Failure tastes like ass. It makes me feel devalued, lazy, and, in some cases, even insensitive. At the same time, when I look back at my decisions, there are very few that I would change. Sometimes quitting is all you have in order to move forward in life.

    In terms of jobs, I just quit mine (last day is tomorrow), but after investing 8 years on my career at that company, I can’t think of this new stage in my life as anything other than a huge triumph. I have finally proved to myself that I can take risks and I will be able to stop wondering “what if.” This “quit” was all about one thing: turning down complacency. I must admit the feeling of failure in this case is quite minimal.

    In terms of hobbies, I quit mine all the time. I just can’t excuse sticking to something I no longer enjoy just for the sake of not quitting. At the same time, it makes me wonder whether I’m really that much of a flake. The feeling of failure is “Medium” in these cases.

    In terms of friendships, you have an added element in the mix: someone else’s feelings. Do I regret quitting on certain toxic friendships? No… Usually it all works out for the best anyway, and whatever is meant to be is meant to be. However, the urgency to “break up” is usually unilateral, which makes me feel like crap for choosing to be selfish and guarding my own feelings over the other person’s. This situation gets a HIGH/HOT/Five rotten tomatoes rating for feeling like a failure. After all, if I can’t even keep my own friends from hating me, then what does that say about me?

    Quitting… Such a simple word; so many different ways to feel about it.

    ina

  • Goodbye, Meetings

    I went through my calendar and declined every single invite I had, and canceled every single meeting I had set up.

    I could try to explain to you the joy it gives me to see my calendar as empty as a bar on Sunday morning… but you probably wouldn’t understand unless you have walked in my shoes.

    Having said that, feel free to enjoy this to the best of your ability:

    Free At Last

    abi

  • ♫♪ All the Cereal Ladies ♫♪

    I am a big (indirect/emotional) supporter of the arts, so when my friend Kristen said she had re-written the words to the song “All the Single Ladies” to sing about cereal, that’s just something I had to read! It was so funny that I asked her permission, which she very kindly granted, to share it with the world (or… just you, mom).

    Here it is. The worldwide premiere of All the Cereal Ladies.

    All the Cereal Ladies

    Click here for the link to the real song, so you can sing along

    All the Cereal Ladies
    by Kristen

    ♫♪ All the cereal ladies (7x) ♫♪

    ♫♪ Now put your spoons up
    Up in the cupboard, I just woke up
    I’m thinking ’bout my Boo Berry
    You decided to eat, you don’t want Wheaties
    Cuz they taste just like eating paste
    Do you want Kix or Cookie Crisp
    Don’t worry ’bout nutrition
    I tried crispix and wheetabix
    Ya can’t beat a bowl of trix ♫♪

    [Chorus]
    ♫♪ Cuz if you liked it then you should have put some milk on it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it
    Don’t be sad if you can’t find the prize in it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it ♫♪

    ♫♪ whoa oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat (x2) ♫♪

    [Chorus]
    ♫♪ Cuz if you liked it then you should have put some milk on it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it
    Don’t be sad if you can’t find the prize in it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it ♫♪

    ♫♪ I got Pops on my lips and some Golden Crisp
    Wonder what happened to the 80s themes
    Ghostbusters, Mr. T and Smurfs
    I really think about these things
    I need no granola, did I mention
    Don’t worry ’bout nutrition
    Cuz Cracklin Oat Bran,
    Chex, or Raisin Bran
    Can be eaten on another day ♫♪

    [Chorus]
    ♫♪ Cuz if you liked it then you should have put some milk on it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it
    Don’t be sad if you can’t find the prize in it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it ♫♪

    ♫♪ whoa oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat (x2) ♫♪

    ♫♪ Don’t treat me to omlettes and bagels
    I’m not that kind of girl
    Cap’n Crunch is what I prefer, what I deserve
    Is Flutie Flakes for me, Frosted Flakes in me
    And delivers me bowls of Cheerios, I want Cheerios from the box
    Put it in my stomach
    And make them Honey Nut
    If you don’t, I’ll eat Honeycomb
    Or whatever I’ve got at home ♫♪

    ♫♪ All the cereal ladies (7x) ♫♪

    ♫♪ Now put your spoons up
    whoa oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat (x2) ♫♪

    [Chorus]
    ♫♪ Cuz if you liked it then you should have put some milk on it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it
    Don’t be sad if you can’t find the prize in it
    If you liked it then you shoulda put some milk on it ♫♪

    ♫♪ whoa oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat oat (x2) ♫♪

    ina

  • Late night… working

    Before I gave my 2 weeks notice I had agreed to be part of an organizing committee for an upcoming conference. Since Friday will be my last day, I will not be attending the event after all; however, I did decide to finish what I had agreed to take on: create a video to be shown at the event, which highlights the accomplishments of the organization’s chapters over the past year. It is 1:30am, and I just finished it tonight. I think it turned out pretty well. I tried hard not to include myself in the video, but I did make an appearance a couple of times. What can I say, I can’t pretend I didn’t contribute to the organization for the past year! I did make sure to not overdo it, though.

    When one of the organizers found out that I was leaving, but finishing the video anyway, he emailed me saying that it said a lot about me the fact that I had decided to complete my task even though I was under no obligation to. To be honest, I was secretly hoping someone would notice (after all, the video is NOT a trivial amount of effort), and I was happy someone gave me a pat on the back about it. That was very nice of him to say.

    The main take-away here is that even though you might be leaving a company, there’s a lot to be said for completing your commitments and departing through the front door with your chin held high knowing you did the best you could for the company. Some will thank you, some will not, some will give you the silent treatment (again… really?), but you should always be able to point at your departure and say you handled it with class and professionalism. I’m proud to affirm that I can say that about myself.

    abi

  • No good deed…

    It’s incredible how the people you thought would be most supportive about your career end up showing the least amount of class.

    I’ll start by giving credit to those bosses, ex-bosses and co-workers who gave me a call and showed a genuine interest in where my career was going, and in keeping in touch. Those people are worth gold, and they have displayed an incredible amount of sensibility, sensitivity and authenticity.

    And now, I’ll wag my finger at those certain people who have decided to just complain about my decision behind my back to others, or who have decided to give me the silent treatment. Seriously people? What grade are we in?

    Even if you dislike someone, you should never EVER treat them with disrespect. You should always remember that this world takes a lot of trips around the Sun, and you never know whose help you’ll need later on, or who you might run into again. If you’re upset someone is leaving, you should probably just keep it to yourself, smile, and say Good Luck. It’s a script. Just follow it and you’ll be a-OK.

    Can I also say that apparently it takes a REALLY big person to thank someone for their years and years of service? You’d be surprised how many people actually said the words Thank You. Definitely puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?

    abi

  • A Happy Post

    I haven’t posted something in the “Happy” category in quite a while… It’s time I did.

    I had a nice weekend. After getting over the friendship-loss (check me out! I’m letting go of things already!), I made a firm decision to smile more and appreciate my surroundings.

    I woke up on Sunday and did yoga for the first time in over a year!

    Then got all prettied up and went to Enrique Montoya’s husband’s birthday brunch at the Liberty Hotel in Boston. It was a gorgeous, sunny, chilly day. My toes felt cold in my sandals. The air was just pure and crisp and I soaked it all in. My friend’s brunch was great. There were moments when I just sat back and watched them with joy. They are like a ray of light. Happiest people in the world. Mind you, these moments mostly occurred during my inevitable collapses due to food coma, but the feelings were real!

    Then I went to Natick to buy a wedding present, and took the scenic route home (Rt 27 all the way down to Norwood). I had music blaring so loudly, and I was singing so loudly, that I didn’t notice that my blinker had been on for who knows how long. Now I understand those people in the highway who don’t seem to notice their blinker is stuck: those are the happy people! 🙂

    In the evening I dragged Brian (hubby) to a wedding reception where I didn’t know anyone but the bride and groom. He looked so handsome, and he smiled the entire evening. He was so much fun to be out with, that he made me forget all my problems. Some people say that relationships degrade with time and marriage, but like I was telling Brian last night, I think ours just gets better with time. He agreed 🙂 I love the man.

    We got home, I made him pasta for dinner, and we watched Dexter together.

    What’s not to be happy about? Here’s wishing you all an AWESOME week 🙂

    ina

  • Please… let me learn something from this

    I terminated a friendship yesterday. Actually, it was more like I was terminated from the friendship, but I didn’t fight it like I had done in the past. It wasn’t pretty, and it certainly didn’t make me feel good, but in the light of day, I understand it was for the best for the both of us. At least for now.

    I have been struggling lately trying to figure out why certain things bother me more than they bother other people. Or why I have trouble letting things go, and end up holding onto a lot of grudges. Right now I’m working on the fact that, although many things bother me, I never really say anything out loud (except to my husband). So I recently got it in my head that my feelings are just as important as everybody else’s. Seems harmless and logical, right? So if I feel uncomfortable about something, I should not ignore it and pretend that everything is OK. Well, I certainly chose a golden time/situation/place to practice this new belief, huh?

    The friendship was already heavy with tons of baggage, product of both parties’ propensity to over analyze our own feelings. Unfortunately for us, intimacy cannot be forced. You can’t just be 100% raw and open with somebody and expect a friendship to bloom. I think that’s what happened here: too many intimate details weighing heavily on a weak foundation. She thought I was too self-centered (because I kept bringing up my feelings) and that I wasn’t listening to her, and I thought she didn’t want to hear what my feelings were about anything (so she was the one not listening). Well, what can I say, the floor just collapsed.

    I just hope I learned something from this. I hope this helps me get one step closer to being myself and still have friendships that grow naturally and organically. Stop over-thinking everything. Stop rushing everything. Stop wanting to figure out every little feeling I feel. Stop holding onto things. Just let go and be happy. Smile more. Appreciate the friendships I DO have, and love my friends for making me smile and giving me great times. Stop the drama and just smell the roses every once in a while. Learn to listen. Learn it’s OK to just listen first, and talk later, without feeling fake. Don’t take my loving husband for granted. Sing more. Love life. Love others. Love myself. Be light. Be present. Be happy.

    I got all I need to be happy. It’s time to start BEING it.

    ina

  • The “Not a Mistake” Letter to Me

    When you decide to leave the only place you have ever worked, the question will always be in the back of your mind: is this the right move? Or are you making the biggest mistake of your life?

    This post is meant as a letter to my future self. That person I will become after a year of working in a completely new environment with new people and unexplored challenges. That person who will be so frustrated by the slow pace of decision making (which characterizes a hospital) that she will long for those easy days at her old job when she didn’t have to deal with people at all and nobody could monitor when she came into the office. That is what I foresee my future self to be dealing with in her new job.

    Well, future self, this is me (you) still working at your old job, and I’m here to tell you how lucky you are to be working directly in the medical field! You are surrounded by a lot of interesting knowledge and brilliant people who save lives for a living. I (you), on the other hand, am here typing away on my phone just waiting for emails to come in asking me to do things. I don’t really feel like my job matters to anybody, and if I had left 3 months ago nobody would have given a crap.

    Sure, I can sleep in for an extra hour when I’ve had a long night, and I could work from home on rainy Fridays, but I HATE working from home! And I hate getting up late because it makes me feel like I already started the day on a stupid and lazy note. I also have friends here in the office who care about me and will continue to be my friends even after I have left. I’m sure you’ll make your own friends. Remember to be kind to people, and to smile.

    The main reason I decided to leave was because I really don’t care about this job at all. I do it day in and day out with the sole purpose of getting out of the house. I think I deserve more than that. I deserve to use my skills for something interesting that I just might want to keep learning about even after 5 o’clock rolls around, and I think that’s what you got going for you. Always remember that it might be a “job,” but that doesn’t mean you have to dislike it.

    I really hope you are happy out there, and remember the role can be anything you want it to be. Don’t lock it in a box. Make sure you think outside of it. Grow on your own, find out what other hospitals are doing. Are there online communities for health care professionals you could join? Boston is your oyster.

    Back to the theme of this letter, I’ll leave you with a few reassuring blasts from the past that will remind you that the grass might be greener in other places, but not in this garden:

    • Being thrown into Disaster Recovery exercises in which you have zero background or input and where you end up wicked confused as to what is expected of you.
    • Being hounded for lease replacement information that you have no idea how to check if it’s complete, accurate or what it even means.
    • Being asked by a certain secretary-less chief to chase after their own staff to get things done. All the accountability, zero power.
    • Being disappointed at the turnout of community events you organized because the community members are stand-offish assholes.
    • Bullshit talks with your manager about your future in the company when you know full well you have no interest in being here much longer.
    • Looking around you and realizing you do not wish you had anybody else’s job. In other words, there is no position, high or low, that you wish you were doing instead.
    • Being able to get by, and even be looked at as a star, when you are just half-assing your way through. Talk about unrealized potential.
    • People telling you to “tone it down” every year, and you wanting to tell them to shut the fuck up.
    • Bullshit talk about change in procedures, how to have productive meetings, how to praise each other, how to manage your career path, when the culture has already made it clear that nothing ever changes, and it’s more about who you know, where you are located, and whose ass you’re kissing.
    • Four words: Bullshit Mandatory Technical Training.
    • Emails that accumulate by the week loads, which you have no chance to get through if you want to get any work done.
    • People printing behind you interminable documents that you know are of a personal nature.
    • Getting impossible questions by a certain secretary-less chief. They are stupid, irrelevant, and do not pertain ME at all. But you can’t just say No.

    I hope that answers your question. Satisfied?

    abi

  • Moving right along

    I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday, and like a school girl on the first day of fall, I bought myself a blank and gorgeous journal to write in. Only, this is for work. This is the notebook where I will write all of my work notes, meeting notes, to do lists, etc.

    I introduce you to my beautiful journal:

    Peter Pauper Press
    Filigree Journal
    Buy here from Barnes & Noble

    Gorgeous, isn’t it? I can’t wait to start using it! The best thing about it is the texture… you can’t feel that through your screen, so stop smudging on your monitor.

    I also got an email from my new boss with a couple of documents for me to start reading up on, and a couple of links to become familiar with some of the lingo. Homework!!! I can’t wait!!! My little notebook is going to get a workout before start-date!

    I’m on cloud #9 right now…

    abi

  • The Countdown

    The cat is out of the bag. I have told pretty much everybody that I’m leaving. We’ve already set up the goodbye lunch and the last after-work drinks Palooza 🙂

    I’ve received a very nice and supportive response overall. The more senior people all want to talk to me about “what went wrong” and I’ve just told them that this opportunity is just one of those you just can’t pass up. They end up pretty happy for me in the end.

    It helps A LOT to not have bad things to say about my job, my manager, my peers, or even about how much it stinks to work remotely and how unchallenged I have felt. None of that matters when you leave. If I were complaining I would create a really bad name for myself, and it would make others defensive and try to argue me into a counteroffer. It’s just not productive. This way is much better: “I love you all, but this is the right move for me right now.” People respond well to that. After all, chances are they are in the same rut as you are and hearing you talk about greener pastures will make them a little jealous.

    abi

  • Departures (2008)

    On a previous post I talked about a new event I planned: The OFFiS! Which is a night where my friends and I gather to watch Academy Award nominated films in the category of Foreign Language.

    Our first OFFiS event was yesterday. We watched a Japanese movie called Departures (2008), which won the Academy Award for our category in 2008. Here’s a description of it:

    Departures (2008)
    Freshly unemployed, young cellist Daigo (Masahiro Motoki) has an epiphany in which he realizes he’s been heading down the wrong career path. Retreating to his hometown, he trains for a new professional role as a nakanshi, or one who prepares the dead for burial. Tsutomu Yamazaki provides comic relief as Daigo’s eccentric mentor in director Yojiro Takita’s Oscar-winning, richly detailed — if unlikely — drama about finding your bliss.

    The story was pretty moving, even though there were many things we could not quite understand from a cultural standpoint. For example: Why did the wife smile through misfortune? Why did she not express her point of view until it was too late? We were really struggling to understand the lack of communication in the main character’s marriage. Daigo, the main character, made it a habit out of hiding non-trivial information from his wife. For example, the fact that he owed 18MM yen on his cello, or what exactly he did for a living (and no, he wasn’t a spy or government agent). Every time the wife would ask why he didn’t tell her, his answer was “because you would have said no.” How do you live like that?

    Anyways, putting that aside, there was something that kept nagging at me. The job he got was looked down upon by everyone. He was essentially a ceremonial undertaker. He prepared bodies to be put in the casket as family and friends watched. After a while, he warmed up to it, and thought of it as an honorable career. What was bugging me about it was how this perspective clashed with what I think makes a career, and that is the existence of intellectual challenge.

    It didn’t take any experience or educational background, and there wasn’t much of an opportunity to learn new things. Is that a career? What really defines a career?

    I guess I think about it this way because I get bored very easily, so I need constant change to keep me awake and interested. What if the job did not require education, but it had opportunities for learning different things? Like owning a store, or something like that. Would that be a career? I think I would still find it boring after a while, but I’ve never had that kind of job.

    In terms of society, though, every job is essential. Why can’t I think of the undertaker’s job as a beautiful and essential role in the community? Why isn’t that enough to tickle my fancy?

    I guess to each their own… it just got me thinking.

    ina

  • Looking ahead

    Feelings update
    After much discussing it with my husband, we decided on a final version of the email I would send the HRM’s manager about the HRM’s performance during our interactions. We decided I would not mention anything about why I didn’t take the offer, or anything about me accepting blame for the “surprise factor” they experienced. I left all that stuff out. I simply put a nice email together praising the guy and saying it was a pleasure to work with him through the process.

    Almost immediately after I sent it, I felt a huge sense of relief. I don’t know why exactly, but I felt I had done a good thing, and that there was really nothing I could do about how they felt about me rejecting the offer. After all, they knew I was “passively looking”… I never said I was “NOT looking.” Anyways, it’s all in the past, and they are either going to have to get over it, or they are going to have to get over it.

    Back to being happy about the future!
    Now, I have 3 weeks before my new job. I wanted to get all “into” it, so I went and bought myself a few interesting books to get myself “in the mood” 🙂

    Hospital: Man, Woman, Birth, Death, Infinity, Plus Red Tape, Bad Behavior, Money, God and Diversity on Steroids
    Landmark: The Inside Story of America’s New Health Care Law and What It Means for Us All
    How Doctors Think

    So exciting! I can’t wait to get them and start reading up! I’m also excited about getting a pretty notebook to write all my notes in.

    Yes, I love books, pretty notebooks, stationery, and pens. Barnes & Noble is my Mecca, and Staples is my Heaven.

    abi

  • All About Feelings

    I quit my job. I should be happy, right? This is what I wanted. This is what I have been wanting for a while… then why am I not happy?

    I’ll tell you why: The Corporation’s reaction to my accepting another offer was unprofessional and made me feel very guilty. The correct answer when someone decides to accept another offer is to say “We are sorry to see you go a different direction, but stay in touch, and we hope something may open up in the future” or something to that effect. Instead, I got “Why didn’t you tell us before? You told us you were passively looking” (yeah, 4 months ago!) “We talked earlier this week, why didn’t you inform me? We could have sped up the process for you if we had known.” Anyways, it wasn’t pretty.

    I understand why they feel played. After all, I had been dealing with them since June, and we were both on the same page that this was it. However, when the new opportunity came along, and I realized it was less money, there was no need in my mind to try to pit both opportunities against one another. In fact, the only time that it even occurred to me to mention The Hospital offer to The Corporation was to try to get more money. Knowing that wasn’t going to make any sense, I discarded the idea. It never EVER occurred to me that it was any of their business whether I was interviewing anywhere else. I realize now that I should have handled the situation more tactfully. After all, they couldn’t MAKE me accept the offer: I still would have held my destiny in my own hands. So what was wrong with shooting an email saying I had another opportunity creeping up?

    So, today, the day after I quit my job, I am feeling like crap. I woke up at 6:45am, and could not fall back asleep out of guilt. I feel guilty. I feel like I let them down. I feel like the HRM looks really bad now because he couldn’t hang onto me. I feel like they feel played. I feel like I cheated them. I feel like I burned that bridge… which is exactly what you DON’T want to do. Especially if your husband works there.

    It does make me feel a tiny bit more relief the fact that my husband didn’t think of it either, so he doesn’t hold it against me. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if he blamed me as much as the HR guy.

    I can’t believe that I’m obsessing so much about this. I guess it’s because I pride myself in being a genuine, honest and open person, and now I’m being put on the spot for not being any of those things. I feel like crap.

    If I had just let The Corporation know what was going on, a couple of weeks ago, maybe they would have gotten the offer done a lot sooner, but it still wouldn’t have affected the outcome. I didn’t choose because of speed or money. However, if they had sent me the offer the week BEFORE I got the new job description for the Hospital, then it would have been a different story. I wouldn’t have been comparing job descriptions, but “bird in hand” versus “a hundred in the bush.”

    I’m beating myself up over this way too much. My husband suggested I sent a praise letter to the HR guy’s manager, to make sure they knew that the HRM did everything in his power and was wonderful every step of the way. Which he was, up until the ultimate guilt trip on our last call.

    This should be a happy day. A day to celebrate. Instead I’m worried about that small small man’s feelings. I’m such an idiot.

    As for how I feel about leaving My Company after 7 years… I have to say I did not expect to feel so sad about it. After my conversation with the VIP yesterday, I kept on crying the rest of the afternoon. It was like I was breaking up with a boyfriend, like I was moving away from home for the first time, like I was getting a divorce. You know, things you know you have to do, but they are bittersweet. I didn’t think I’d cry for it as much as I did. It’s a big change… I don’t know how I’m going to handle it once it sinks in.

    abi

  • How I quit my job

    Resignation

    At around 9am I spoke with HR at The Hospital. I accepted their offer and set a start date of October 25th, which they accepted.

    The next minute, I locked myself in a conference room with the phone numbers of: my manager, my second manager, HR, and my VIP leader.

    I called my manager first and told him the news. He was bummed that this was happening, but after I explained to him the opportunity, he was more understanding. He wished he had heard about this before, though.

    Next I talked to my second manager, who I bet almost had an aneurysm, because our team has been having some bandwidth issues, and she must have gone into emergency mode trying to figure out where the work was going to go. She was supportive, though, said she was going to miss me. Awww.

    Next, I called HR. She is on vacation until Tuesday, so I left her a voicemail on her cellphone with the news, and moved on. I would have preferred to talk to her, but our interactions have never been very “personal” so I didn’t really care about tact at this point, it was all business, so I gave her the information she needed to get started on paperwork as soon as possible.

    Next, I called my VIP’s desk. The admin told me he was in a meeting and not available for the next 2 hours. I followed up then, but the VIP was busy with an issue. It wasn’t until 3pm that I noticed that neither were online anymore (the VIP or the admin), so I proceeded to pick up the phone and call the VIP’s cellphone directly.

    The VIP picked up, and had a few minutes to chat with me. I told him what was happening, and he was speechless. It’s worth mentioning that the VIP has been a fatherly figure throughout my career at this company, and I have always felt an emotional connection to him, somehow. I told him a little bit about the position, and he was shocked. Then I started to cry. He laughed a couple of times, which made things a little easier. It was not a good conversation to have, but he wasn’t judgmental and made it as easy for me as possible. I’m going to miss him the most. Again, he wished he had heard sooner.

    The hardest part of the day, ready for the shocker? Was telling The Corporation that I was turning down the job. They were notably upset and did not let me off without a major guilt trip. They didn’t think it was cool that I didn’t tell them I was interviewing in other places, otherwise they would have sped up the process. Again again, they wish they had known sooner.

    For all those who are curious, here is what my resignation letter looked like:

    Friday, October 1st, 2010

    Dear [Manager’s Name],

    I am writing to submit my notice of resignation to My Company, effective two weeks from October 1st, 2010. My last day will be Friday, October 15th, 2010.

    I am very grateful for all that My Company has done for me throughout my career. My Company gave me the opportunity to see new places, and supported me in my decision to move to Boston to be close to my family. Everything I know about corporate living, information technology, and customer service, I have learned from great managers and coworkers at My Company. Most importantly, I have learned the meaning of what an inclusive and diverse culture can mean for someone’s feeling of belonging in a company.

    I would like to thank My Company through you for all the opportunities I have had here. I would also like to extend a personal and warm thanks to you and My Second Manager for giving me such challenging opportunities, and trusting me with complex projects. Your support has made this job a very rewarding ride, and I have learned a lot from watching you be the best managers you can be.

    I will work hard over the next 2 weeks to transition my activities on. Please do not hesitate to ask me for anything you need me to pay particular focus to during this transition.

    I hope to stay in touch with the amazing network at My Company, and I look forward to our next encounter.

    Thank you again,

    Abigail Boston
    Personal Phone Number
    Personal Email Address

    The scary part: The Hospital doesn’t give a formal letter until 1 week before starting the job. So, technically, I just quit my job without having anything in writing. Once I realized this, at 5pm on Friday, I called The Hospital’s HRM and left a voicemail asking her to send me an email with the start date, just to have.

    What’s done is done. Deep breaths.

    abi

  • After the decision. Before the announcement

    I thought that the day I decided to get a new job would be the purest most wonderful happiest day of my life. I thought I’d be jumping through hoops and climbing on trees and bouncing off the walls. Well, I’m bouncing off the walls, alright, but not with the joy I thought I would feel. I am having very mixed feelings about leaving the only employer I have ever known.

    Last night I decided I would accept The Hospital job, despite the pay cut. My husband and I talked about it long and hard, and finally concluded that this opportunity was like no other I had ever had, and that, given my interest in the medical field, this might actually be a great fit for me. We just couldn’t get past that argument. We talked about money, and how this would affect us financially, and concluded that we are by no means breaking the bank by downgrading my income, and we will be just fine.

    (I’ll stop to say that I have the best and most supportive husband in the world)

    As our conversation progressed, and it started to become more and more obvious that we were going to pick The Hospital in the end, I started to progressively freak out. It’s funny, though, I’m not scared about the new job (to me it’s utterly exciting to start in a new place, with new people, and a completely new environment), what I am scared about is leaving my company after 7 full years of dedicating my (albeit half-ass) work to it.

    Maybe I will post a blog about all the good times and things I learned while working here. I think it might deserve a Good Bye song. Maybe that will help me reach closure, somehow.

    I’m so scared right now. Am I really leaving? Is this really happening?

    It was hard to fall asleep last night. I stayed awake in bed for a while, continuing to repeat in my head “tomorrow might be the day I quit my job. Tomorrow might be the day I quit my job.” I was afraid I’d be up all night. When I woke up this morning I almost immediately remembered the events from the night before, and started to feel scared again. I usually don’t dress up for work on Fridays, but I did today. It just felt right.

    I probably won’t announce that I am leaving until I get a start date. That’s when I can start counting back a 2-week notice period. If they want me to start soon, today still could be the day I quit… but it’s possible they have to get their paperwork together and it might take them more than a day. If that happens, then I won’t be quitting for another week, and that’s a lot of burden to carry around for a whole week at work!!!

    Please wish me luck and tell me everything is going to be ok. I am following my bliss, that has got to count for something, right?

    abi

  • I have made a decision

    Stand by…

  • The Hospital: The Final Offer

    I got a call from HR at The Hospital. They bumped their previous offer up $2K, which amounts to a total of minus $8K in annual salary and minus $8K for MBA tuition that they won’t help me pay for.

    Despite the stupid second (and final, their words) offer, I can’t stop thinking about that job. Great people. Great job. Something different from what I do right now. No chance of working remotely. A brand new niche.

    The funny thing is that I haven’t found anybody that agrees with me that I should take the job, if it means taking a pay cut. Everybody has said to forget about it and take The Corporation job. A job is a job, it will get frustrating, it will get dull, and I’ll be left holding the stupid job and the stupid salary forever.

    Why am I the only one who romanticizes the situation? I should be able to get a pay cut if it means getting a job I find rewarding, interesting and challenging, right?

    I’m so scared of making the wrong choice 🙁

    abi

  • 2 Tips for a good day at work

    Let’s cut to the chase. The tips are:

    1. Change the scenery
    2. Listen to music while you work

    Now let’s elaborate, while also allowing me the opportunity to talk about myself (win-win).

    I had the most boring and unproductive day at work yesterday. I know this is normal, to have a day when you really didn’t pull your weight, and it is also ok to make it up on other days when you work your butt off and feel awesome for the rest of the week. I have high hopes this will be one of those days.

    My first shock of the day was to see the visitors office light on, and see outside the name of a former boss of mine (who usually works 1000 miles away). My heart skipped a beat and I was suddenly out of breath. Let’s just say this was one of “those” managers you would not take a promotion from because it meant working under him for the next 18 months, at least (you know, hypothetically). He deserves his own entry, so you’ll have that to look forward to. Anyways, he wasn’t in the room. I ran to my desk and found out which conference room he was in and for how long. I proceeded to book a conference room for myself on a different floor, took my computer and bag, and fled. I did leave a note saying where I could be found, so they at least knew I was in the building.

    So that’s tip #1: change the scenery! Find a place to park your heiny that will cut down distractions. It’s best if it has a whiteboard so you can doodle and make to-do lists.

    Now that you’re in a new and friendly place, close the door behind you and blast music in your headphones. Sing if nobody can hear you! Why does music help? I have no idea… but have you seen the movie Awakenings with Robin Williams and Robert DeNiro? Remember the scene where certain music helped the catatonic patients move? It’s sort of like that 🙂

    Alright, time to get this shit done!!!

    abi

  • Upset vs Upsetee

    Has it ever happened to you that someone gets visibly upset with you, but you really wish they could let it go because it’s something stupid? Or have you been on the other side, where you get upset, but feel like the other person doesn’t understand, doesn’t want to talk about it, and the more you ask the more you think you’re adding to the fire?

    If both people were truly open to communication, and they made it a priority to at the very least try to understand where the other is coming from, maybe the upset person would learn how to avoid the issue in the future, and the upsetee would learn that something that may seem stupid might actually be important to the other person.

    I’m so mad right now. But I just don’t think talking about it will get me anywhere. In fact, it might make it worse. If I could choose a superpower it would be the ability to let things go. Man, what a sweet life that would be. Ignorance is bliss.

    ina

  • Done with the interviews portion of the program

    I met with 3 members of the IT team today at The Hospital, and I accomplished to get a much better grasp of what the position entails. Then I spoke with HR about the salary position, and they said they would get back to me. Now I just wait and see.

    I feel a bit like a fool settling for less money than I earn right now. Is that a really stupid move? I really hope they can do something for me in that respect. I told them I really want the job, and I want to say yes, but I can’t sacrifice so much. I know they understand that, and they do a very good job at arguing their point of view. I hope I was just as effective arguing mine.

    The meeting with the team was insightful. I learned that I would be working in the main campus (hospital) while the rest of the IT team was located in an adjacent town north of Boston. It’s actually better than I expected, since I will own user requirements, as opposed to owning the technical requirements, as I always have. Exciting, isn’t it???

    I had the opportunity to fill in the (wonderful/amazing) hiring manager on my agenda: I can’t accept the offer the way it is, and they’ll have to do something about it. She seemed hopeful that we might be able to reach an agreement (or at the very least she didn’t sound reluctant). I got the same reaction from HR, plus a little more information: what they offered me is not at the limit of the position, so there is a little more room to offer, albeit not much. That gave me hope, although I don’t wish I were in their shoes: that conversation with the business team to get more money out of them is going to suck.

    Now I just wait.

    I did hear back from HR at The Corporation, though. They said the offer hadn’t been approved yet, and the VP was scheduled to speak with the CEO next Tuesday. Wow. I am starting to feel less and less bad about saying No to the offer the more they make me wait (3.5 months now). They couldn’t really have expected me to hang around this long, could they have?

    At the end of the day I’m pretty happy about the way things are going. I even got a new belt out of it! Betsey Johnson, $14.99 at Filene’s Basement 🙂 I looked so fancy 🙂 I definitely clean up good.

    abi

  • I WROTE A SONG!!!

    I TOTALLY WROTE MY FIRST SONG!!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????? My first song at 29. I guess there’s a first time for everything… even when you’re old 🙂

    You can see the music video and the lyrics here

    hahaha!!! Surprise ending there 🙂

    This music-writing business is HARD. My piano teacher told me to listen to the chords she gave me and try to think up a melody. Unfortunately, my mind is not of the creative kind. I can’t all of the sudden come up with a completely original tune. What I did was take her very mathematical advice: I took the chords, and then created a melody using the notes from the chord. So I basically wrote this song measure by measure. I’m pretty sure that’s NOT how Taylor Swift writes her songs.

    ina swizzle

    Here are the words only:

    Haunted
    by ina

    ♫♪ I’d like to think
    fairies and ghosts exist
    I hear them around
    left, up and down ♫♪

    ♫♪ I hear noises
    in the walls
    get out of my house!
    you stupid mouse! ♫♪

  • Comments

    Hello readers,

    A friend pointed out that s/he had stopped themselves from posting a comment on this blog because it would give away my identity. While that may be true, and I think it’s really sweet of them to care about that (as I do), I didn’t want to discourage you (my millions of readers) from posting your comments. I hope it makes you feel better that I do moderate the comments I get, so if anything is too “identity-revealing-like”, it probably won’t make it on the site, but I will still cherish it and probably even write a response on the blog itself. So, feel free to comment 🙂 use your own name, post anonymously, use a fake name, or you could even write a comment and ask me not to publish it right in the comment (so it’s for my eyes only). All are valid 🙂

    Either way, thanks for reading 🙂

    abi

    PS: how to write a comment? use the “Leave a comment” link to the left of the post, right underneath the Date.

  • Ramblings

    • I’m nervous about meeting The Hospital team this afternoon.

    • I think I’m dressed appropriately, but I forgot my fancy shoes so I’ll have to wear the worn-out pair I keep in the office.

    • I’m also not thrilled with my choice of pants. I’ll have to go out and buy a stylish thin belt to wrap over my shirt, that way I don’t have to tuck it in.

    • I’m nervous that they will not accept my counter offer and I’ll be walking away empty handed.

    • I am nervous that The Corporation hasn’t replied to my email and I keep thinking they changed their minds (it’s unlikely, even my mind knows that).

    • I hate the smell of coffee in the morning. Damn you, train commuters.

    • I have a meeting at 8:30am to review what I did with the newsletter. I think they’ll be impressed, but it’s not 100% done yet.

    • I’m wondering what to do about the 2 hours I have to take off for The Hospital interview. Should I take it as vacation time? Probably. If anything, they won’t be able to claim I interviewed during company time.

    • I’m tired. I feel a bit off today.

    • Just noticed that the coffee smell is coming from the cup that the guy sitting next to me has. Foo!
    • I think I poked my ear drum with a q-tip by accident this morning. My hand twitched or something… quite strange. I can still hear, though, and there’s no bleeding that I can tell. It was also my bad ear.

    • I watched a little more Gosford Park this morning. I thought it was going to be some boring love flick, until Mr. Boddy died (Clue reference). Then it started to get interesting. I can’t even guess who did it at this point, because surprises just keep adding more information to the mix.

    • I miss playing Clue. We used to get together in a dorm room and play it in college all the time (yes, that’s what I was doing while others were out drinking at the frats).

    • Coffee guy is writing a program on his laptop. Maybe that’s a sign that I should take The Corporation job?… ha, yeah, and I have a wound on my knee from falling off my bike, maybe that’s a sign I should pick The Hospital 🙂 it’s funny how you can make anything be a sign.

    • If all goes well this week, I might opt for not taking that trip with my company in October. Cross my fingers.

    • I hope they like me today, and I hope they are a good bunch to work with and have fun with.

    Thanks for reading this far… Wish me luck!

    abi

  • A Day in the Life

    Warning: this is a long and rambling post about a day in my life at work. I just figured I should get the benchmark out there, so you get future references to my job. My promise to you: it will be long, it will be boring, and you won’t learn a single new thing…. hey, that’s funny, that pretty much sums it up for my work days!

    My morning routine is where I spend my ME time. For my husband that’s late at night, for me that’s wicked early in the morning. Today, I woke up at 6am after having a very restful weekend. I watched a portion of the movie Gosford Park while I got ready and had breakfast, my husband getting ready in the background (quite unusual for him to be up this early… he kept interrupting my movie-watching!). I was out the door by 7:13am to waltz into my cubicle at 8:07 am.

    I skimmed my email for anything important and any meetings set up at the last minute. After replying to a lucky few until 9am, I proceeded to zone out and read a few chapters of my latest Blog obsession: Ah Yes, Medical School.

    Somewhere in there a friend at work stopped by my cubicle to tell me about his interviews (external and internal) for new jobs. I reciprocated by telling him about my plan for my own offers: I’ll be meeting The Hospital team tomorrow, and I’ll just tell them that I cannot accept the offer as is. If they would like to work with me on the offer, I’m all ears. If not, I wish them luck and I’ll walk away.

    As I wrote this entry, I was also listening into my 9:30 meeting. Have I made it clear yet that 100% of my meetings are over the phone? You should have seen me hunched over my keyboard with my elbows resting on the desk, typing away on my smartphone, while a screen-share was being displayed on one of my two side-by-side flat-screen monitors. Every so often I looked up to catch up. I’d only really be in trouble if they had a question for me, which would be unlikely since it was one of those many meetings where experts talked back and forth and I had absolutely no input whatsoever.

    Side note: I got a meeting Decline from someone who decided to not even write a reason for the decline on the reply, and who wouldn’t even bother to propose a new time. I guess it could have been worse… I’ve had people who have responded Tentative to meetings where there are only 2 invitees: them and me. Seriously?!

    10am hunger is striking… I’m gonna go grab one of my yogurt cups from the fridge.

    – Back to the call –

    The 9:30 meeting has ran over by 35min so far. People are very passionate on the call: they are all talking over each other and getting very emotional. At the same time I got an email from someone about a system I haven’t supported in 2 years. Man, what will they do when I leave?

    – Call over –

    This call went on for 1.5 hours (over by 1 hour). Now I go to my next meeting. When will I get to do some work?

    Side note: Mmm I think I’ve gained some weight… My pants are wrapping around my thigh like a strapped pot roast. Maybe I should bring a yoga mat to keep at work so I can do curl ups in my down time. That reminds me, they have a new room in the office where they put weight lifting equipment (there isn’t enough money or justification to have a fully equipped gym on site). Maybe I should check it out at some point today.

    – Stretched for 4 min before my 11am meeting –

    Wow, 11 am. The morning is almost gone, and I haven’t really done anything of substance today.

    It actually makes me quite sad that this job has sucked my ambition totally dry. I guess when you have no real incentive to do an awesome job, and it’s even hard to define what “pushing the envelope” and “going the extra mile” really looks like, you just have nowhere else to go but striving for not getting a bad review. Adequacy is the goal. Sad, isn’t it?

    – Noon –

    I did it! After my 11am meeting I set out to reply/delete/archive every email since last week. Task has been accomplished! Now it’s noon and I’m gonna go get some goodness for my tummy. I was really bad this weekend (ice cream, peanut butter shake, pop corn for dinner), I mean, my diet is out of control! Time to capitalize on my Sunday workout and get something healthy.

    Oh, I also wrote an email to HR at The Corporation for a status update (haven’t heard back in 2 weeks).

    – Lunch has been had –

    I called up a friend for lunch, but she was unavailable. She left my current employer last year and now has a well paid job at a consulting firm just a few blocks away from my office. I can’t tell whether she’s happy there or not, but I think we both agreed she would still be miserable in her old job. Anyways, lunch was a solo affair.

    I went over to California Pizza Kitchen and had a cup of the Asparagus soup and something from their Small Cravings menu, while entertaining myself by reading the Med School Blog. I’ve had lunch by myself so many times that I don’t even think about it anymore… Should I be embarrassed? I am not, so I hope that’s alright with the universe.

    As I was walking back in trendy Back Bay, I felt like the saddest young professional woman in the world: I look terrible! I don’t work with anyone in the office, which means I don’t really think twice about my wardrobe, make-up or hair. I was walking down the street with my hair all in a messy and low-hanging pony tail, my slight make up has faded 100%, and my jacket doesn’t match my outfit. All of that combined with my youthful looks, I look like a high school sophomore skipping school in the middle of the day.

    I can’t wait to have a job in which I will care about what I wear every day. Looking good just makes you feel good, doesn’t it? Deep sigh.

    Ok, back to work. I got meetings from 1:30 to 5PM today. I hope someone cancels one of them.

    – Back at the desk –

    I got to my desk at 1:10. Reviewed the 10 emails I got since I left for lunch, and just sat here quietly until my 1:30 call. I can’t get much work done in 20 min anyway.

    Every so often the printer, which I sit immediately behind, starts humming. It’s always followed immediately by rushing footsteps from across the room. This guy uses the printer CONSTANTLY for personal stuff. I noticed it one time when our print outs got mixed with each other, but it would have been a really easy conclusion to reach even if I hadn’t seen that: after all, he works remotely too! There is no need whatsoever for people like us to be printing work-related materials on a daily basis! Frankly, I care more about the disruption caused by his walking by my desk every hour, than the actual waste of paper resources. Sometimes I’m in a meeting where I do get to speak, and all I hear is the unending rumble of 27-page documents printing behind me.

    I’m starting to realize that every single one of my meetings today is one of those “just listen and hear for your name” calls, and I really have to get a newsletter drafted for the Gay Lesbian Transgender Bisexual group (aka LGBT, of which I am an ally and strong supporter). I really gotta find the time for that.

    Mmmm… Note to self: when someone in a meeting asks you “How are you coming along?” and you haven’t started work on your action item yet, you should NOT respond with “I am not coming yet.” Laughs ensued, but I didn’t acknowledge the snickers and continued with my status update in a professional manner. Why do I have the feeling this has happened to me before today?… Gah!

    – During 2pm call –

    I spoke my bit, which was very insightful if I may add, and proceeded to remote-connect to my computer at home to clean up my home email (unsubscribe from offer emails, etc) pretty much out of boredom. Nothing was really pressing for me to clear out.

    – 3pm –

    I had the pleasure of calling a brave soul who has decided to join as a leadership member in the Latino affinity group, and welcome them to our chapter. Why are they brave? Because, as it turns out, my company doesn’t have enough Latino talent to fill a pea pod, let alone a structured extracurricular organization. Our members are true Bostonians: “Leave me alone and nobody gets hurt” types. I think that will be one of my great joys when I leave: not having to worry about burning myself out coming up with networking events and professional roundtables for that group of ingrates.

    – Between meetings –

    While trying to figure out what to do between meetings I did a few things: called my husband, rescheduled a meeting, tried to find that story that points out that the silhouette of the Mystery Man in Outlook 2010 is actually Bill Gates’s mug shot (and found it here), determined what’s for dinner tonight, figured out what to talk about in my 4pm meeting, got nervous about what to wear at my interview tomorrow, and just stared at my screen. I’m just not feeling it today. So why do today what can be put off till tomorrow?

    I really wish that guy would stop printing shit out.

    Is it 5pm yet?!

    Alright, let’s check out the weights room.

    – Back from weight-lifting –

    The room is actually well equipped. I jumped rope for 1 min, did 50 curl-ups, did 10 of those where you hold yourself up and pull your legs up so you make a 90 degree angle between your legs and torso, then 20 weight lifts (5lb) toward the chest, and 20 away towards the back. Mmmm I don’t explain these very well… This is coming from someone who said “work those quads” pointing at someone’s arms 😛 Let’s just say we are all good at something, and this is not my “thing.”

    I rocked my 4pm meeting. Say what you will about how boring my job is, but I’m good at what I do.

    Now, onto another meeting (joining late because it conflicted with my other 4pm). This is another one of those where I don’t have to speak.

    Side note: I remember wanting to be the first to participate in ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that came my way. What happened? Where did the eagerness go?

    I didn’t get a chance to work on the LGBT newsletter. I’ll probably just connect from home and whip it together tonight after dinner.

    – 4:22pm –

    So close to quitting time!

    – 4:35pm –

    Sorry to be a downer, but these attempts at making these diversity groups important are totally useless. Unless the members are getting something personal out of these, and some may, this whole leadership and networking stuff is just not fulfilling as a leader. All you get is discouragement from members who just want to be left alone. It makes you just want to quit and get all those hours you spent on this stuff back.

    Speaking of leadership, I just got an email from my boss to the team asking us to fill out a survey to provide him with actionable feedback. All I do is stupid tasks that contribute NOTHING to my productivity! As you can see from this whole day, I probably did an ounce of useful work. The rest of the time I was stuck in mindless and unimportant meetings where no action was required of me. There has GOT to be a better way to manage an employee’s time!!!

    Sigh, look at these questions:

    1. My manager genuinely cares about me as a person (strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree)
    2. I can make a positive impact here
    3. I feel appreciated and valued
    4. I am happy to work here

    I should just put “Agree” all the way down the line so as to not skew responses and not draw any attention to my submission (it’s anonymous, but still).

    – 4:50 –

    Sooooooo close!!!!

    – OK! 4:56. Close enough! –

    Now I’ll go home (train at 5:15, home by 6), change, watch TV until hubby gets home, make dinner, eat, clean up and get crackin’ on the newsletter while hubby watches Holmes on Homes. Bed by 9:30, and start all over again.**

    How was that for a sad sad benchmark of the status quo?

    abi

    ** PS: The train was late, made it home by 6:15pm. Made dinner, cleaned up, did newsletter, bed by 10:30pm.

  • Victimization

    This post is about my being sick and tired of people around me preferring to be victims over standing up for themselves.

    My husband, Brian, didn’t get any sleep last night. I am partially to blame for allegedly snoring at key points in the night when he was about to fall asleep. The other part of the blame falls on his own sleep issues (insomnia, inability to stay in R.E.M. state for more than 5 seconds at a time, etc). When he woke up at 6am, he got ready for work, had breakfast (all in complete zombie-mode), and proceeded to get ahead of me walking the 10min to the train stop… In the rain… Without an umbrella.

    When I caught up with him at the station the rain was falling on him like in a dramatic scene in a movie. His hair was dripping water on his jacket, and the jacket on his pants. I rushed up to him and asked him why he didn’t ask me for an umbrella. He said he didn’t have one / it wasn’t raining when he left the house. Both excuses. I put my umbrella on him. When we got on the train, I asked him to give me his jacket, so I could go shake off the water since his pants were going to get wetter and wetter as the water dripped down his back and onto the seat. He refused.

    I can appreciate that he had zero sleep last night, but why does he have to go and feel sorry for himself and not take care of little things that might make his day go a little easier? For example, asking where our umbrellas are?! That is what I mean by victimization: taking the “poor me, woe is me” stance.

    I can think of more and more people I know who could use a good shake-up. You feel like pushing away your friends because you think you don’t deserve them? WAKE UP and cherish the friends you DO have! You feel sorry for yourself cuz you can’t afford nice things? HOW ABOUT SAVING A FEW BUCKS AND GETTING YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER? And my personal favorite (directed at myself), you think everyone hates you so you spend days and days obsessing about particular events that serve as evidence to your claim? BOO HOO, SNAP OUT OF IT. NOBODY THINKS ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.

    Victimization is not a pretty thing. In fact, it’s illogical and pathetic. I turn myself into a victim when I want coddling and I want someone to tell me it’s going to be ok. But that would not be as effective at fixing the issue as our standing up for ourselves and taking action. Sometimes it’s as easy as grabbing an umbrella on the way out the door. Other times it’s harder, but still actionable, like making a conscious effort to save up for a rainy day. Other times it takes being able to let things go (plus a loooooot of therapy).

    It’s too easy being a victim, but it gets us nowhere fast. Here’s wishing you (and me) an action-filled day. No more excuses, no more whining.

    ina

  • Peace… or boredom?

    Boredom

    Peace. Total peace.

    My house is all cleaned up. Laundry is going. I have absolutely nothing on my TO DO list that needs action tonight. I’m just sitting here, on my end of the couch, with the TV on Showtime on Mute, just waiting for Dexter to start.

    I wait for this moment all week. The moment when my house is clean and I am just relaxing with nothing to do at all. And when it comes, it makes me wonder whether I should be doing something else with my time. Read? Practice piano? Cure cancer?

    I can’t say I got the exact balance between “busy” and “relaxed” down. But I think it’s good to feel bored sometimes. Boredom is what made us ready for school after summer session. I guess I’m just hoping to get bored enough so I get the motivation to do something else (like having kids *cough*cough*). Ah, we’ll see.

    Here’s to boredom.

    ina

  • In the Other Corner: The Hospital

    The Hospital

    On August 31st my friend from MBA school, who works at one of the major hospitals in the Boston area (hereinafter called “The Hospital”), sent me a Facebook message asking me if I was interested in getting a job description for an IT job at The Hospital. Since I hadn’t received an offer from The Corporation yet, I figured I was still fair game, and I agreed to look it over.

    Certain things stood out from the posting: working directly with clinicians, process mapping of clinical IT use cases, training clinicians on use of software, software enhancements. Wait a minute… working with DOCTORS?? Mapping their use of software??? TRAINING them on using software??? This position couldn’t have been tailored for me any better if I had written it myself!

    I mentioned it before, but I have been obsessed with the medical profession for many years. I own a copy of the Gray’s Anatomy book, the MOSBY’S medical dictionary and the big fat MCAT Kaplan book. I wish I had time to study these things on my own, but I never seem to get around to it. My point is that this is an area that just calls my name!

    On September 1st I submitted my resume and cover letter to the hiring manager. She got back to me the same day, and we scheduled an interview for the following Tuesday.

    We hit it off right away. She and I had so many things in common, and it seemed like a perfect place to work. I loved the fact that she casually mentioned having a wife and a child, only because I am very comfortable in diverse environments and it was comforting to know that I was not going to be the only minority in the office. I felt right at home.

    I was called back for another interview to meet the chief of IT and the chief of medicine who sponsored the IT department. They loved me and went gaga for my passion for the medical field, and I could tell they felt at ease leaving this position in my hands.

    On September 22nd I got a call from HR with a verbal offer. They were offering me a much lower amount than I make right now (a difference of about $10K a year), and they said they don’t give out signing bonuses, so I could say goodbye to that idea. That meant I would be putting up about $8K out of my own pocket to pay my current company for MBA courses. That was a loss of $18K in a single year.

    Shortly after my conversation with HR, the hiring manager sent me an email (long letter) telling me what a great fit this was and that she knew the salary was not what I was expecting to make. She said she made the decision to take this job three years ago at a much lower salary than a different offer she had on the table, and never looked back. She loves her job, and she thinks this would be a perfect fit for me. If I didn’t take the job, she would understand, but be very disappointed. I replied thanking her profusely for the heart-felt email, and told her that the finances had to be thought of very carefully, and assured her I was giving this some very serious thought.

    Was this “perfect job” worth it? Was I investing in my future happiness? or was I shooting myself in the foot and ruining my chances at a higher salary later in my career? Could I afford my dream job?

    After talking to everyone I could get advice from, I decided that all of this thinking would be moot if I didn’t like the team. I decided to call them back the next day and, instead of talking about numbers, I asked to meet the team. I suggested next Tuesday, and I am waiting to hear back.

    So, what’s it gonna be?

    Pros

    • Can you say “dream job”??? Working with doctors, mapping out their needs, learning how they work!
    • Training doctors on use of software. I am AWESOME at presenting, and I get a lot of energy from being in front of a crowd.
    • Not having to work with people outside of the area (equals no crazy calls in the middle of the night or wicked early in the morning)
    • Working with great people
    • Awesome medical benefits
    • Reasonable working schedule. Family friendly.
    • I would get to learn about the medical users of software in the field. That’d be a great learning experience for anyone in the health care industry.

    Cons

    • The pay is way less than what I am making right now. That would put me at a great disadvantage if I’m left without a job trying to get a salary upgrade on my next one.
    • If the job falls short of expectations (which are pretty high at this point), I’d be in a job I hate with a crappy salary.
    • I would have to pay $8K out of pocket (tuition pay-back) by giving up my current job and The Corporation job.
    • I would be downgrading to an analyst position, when my MBA and my experience should have been preparing me for a team leader or project manager position
    • The Hospital was very much affected by the recession and has been laying people off. Would I be next in line?

    I guess what I’m seeing here is that I would be taking a huge career risk. And why? Because I am being lured into a very sexy job. This job is my sirens from the Odyssey. Should I give in? Are the risks worth the job? I guess that’s why I called them back asking to meet the team: I want to make damn well sure that the position I have idolized in my head is the exact same position they are pitching to me.

    I don’t want to miss out on the best job of my life because of a few thousand dollars. But I don’t want to take a step back in my career for a job that might not be all it’s cracked up to be.

    What to do?

    abi

  • In This Corner: The Corporation

    The Corporation

    Some time in May my husband suggested I had an informational interview at his company (hereinafter called “The Corporation”). I met with one of the members of the company’s Installations team, and I was invigorated by how much this person loved her job. She used to work at my company, and she likes The Corporation’s environment a billion times better. She suggested I speak with her boss, so I did. He also had defected from my company, and could not say enough good things about the working environment at The Corporation. I was impressed.

    On June 11th I submitted my resume and cover letter to the HR department.

    After just a few days I was provided the link to the first of three “admissions” tests. The first test was a personality assessment. There was no right or wrong answer, they just wanted to see where I fit in terms of personality traits and what makes me “tick.” The second test was a technical assessment: it asked increasingly harder questions about a programming language that nobody was likely to know or have used in the past. This test meant to assess my ability to learn new technologies quickly. After I passed (with flying colors, if I may add), I earned the right to take the the third test. This last one was a logical/analytical test: it had questions like the ones you would find in an SAT, mixed in with logic questions. This test meant to assess your ability to take in information and make decisions quickly.

    I took the tests on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday, respectively. After passing Friday’s test, I earned the chance at an interview with the Vice President of Customer Product Support and Product Installation Management. Although I felt the Installations job was best fit as a next step in my career, the VP insisted that he wanted only veterans in that team. Not having had any programming experience in the health care field, I did not fit the profile of desirable candidates. However, his Customer Product Support team might be a good fit. I decided to charge ahead and continue interviewing.

    By the end of July I had met with the VP of Support and 3 current employees of that team. All I needed now was an offer.

    By August, things had changed. The first VP asked me to interview with the VP of International Product Support. They were impressed with my test results (which they weighed most of their decisions on – note: this is probably the least reliable way to assess future success any company could EVER use to evaluate a candidate), and they felt they could use my skills (and my Spanish) in their international division. I thought it was interesting and continued to interview.

    After talking to both the VP and COO of the International Product division, they decided to make me a verbal offer (September 3rd). I would start out with the Installations team (the team I was deemed unqualified for, but that I wanted in the first place), and after some time, when I have demonstrated expertise in the technology, I would be moved to a position of more leadership in charge of a global team that would assist the international branches located in South America, Europe and Australia. I would start in January.

    The offer was nowhere near what I expected to make right out of MBA school, but they said that was they best they could do and they would send the offer to get signed and approved by the CEO before presenting it to me formally. The last time I heard from them was September 9th, when I had a call with the HR manager to discuss benefits.

    So, at four months into the process, now knowing I would not be getting the pay I deserved, and that I would be starting in January (instead of right away), I must say I was a bit crestfallen. So, when a friend from the hospital job suggested I applied for a position there, I didn’t think it would hurt anything looking into it. I’ll leave the hospital corner for my next post. What I’d like to do here is talk about the pros and cons of this job and see if that will help me figure out whether to take it or not.

    Pros

    • I would get to learn a health care product inside out from the ground up, and get back to my programming roots (the reason I went to school for Computer Science in the first place)
    • I would be working with a great boss (whom I’ve already met) and a great team (haven’t met, but I hear they are great)
    • Money-wise, I’d make a little more than I make now, get a signing bonus (which covers most of my tuition for the summer, which I would owe to my company upon departure), and I get bonuses at the end of the year.
    • I would have the flexibility to work from home (as much as I loathe to, I must admit it is necessary sometimes)
    • Great opportunity for career growth, and for international travel
    • The Corporation is growing and was making money even through the recession
    • My husband works there, so we could commute home together and seeing each other during the day (albeit not very frequently) would be nice.

    Cons

    • Once I get that global team position I will be working remotely, like I do now. Only, my team won’t be in the midwest, they will be overseas. That’s very tough for me, not working with people directly. I’m afraid it would land me in the exact same unhappy spot I’m in right now.
    • The Corporation is a private company known for its nepotism and lack of organizational structure. Policies don’t always make sense.
    • No dental benefits
    • My husband works there, which may lead to tension in the relationship.

    The more I think about it, the more I don’t really see big issues with taking The Corporation job. It’s good, it’s a step up, it’s stable, and my husband keeps saying that he’s surrounded by people just like me all day long, and he thinks I would fit right in. He might be right.

    abi

  • Shout Out to Country Music Lovers!

    I have been meaning to say this for a while, but I LOVE places that play the Boston country station (WKLB 102.5 FM) in their establishments!

    The first place to get such a mention is a cafe in Norwood, MA, called Mug N’ Muffin. I always forget they play it, and I get a nice and familiar feeling when I walk in. Maybe that is what subconsciously keeps me coming back. I assure you it is NOT the nice and polite demeanor of the wait staff (ugh, awful awful women).

    The second mention goes to my mailman! I don’t work from home often, but when I do, I hear his blaring out country music from his headphones, and it makes me want to go out and give him a hug. You ROCK, Mr Mailman!!!

    I’d like to say that this is MASSACHUSETTS, people. Country music fan sightings are few and far between. So when we see them, we should give me a little holler 🙂

    ina

  • Working from Home

    img src=http://tinyurl.com/24cdupm

    A lot of people, my husband included, LOVE working from home. They can’t get enough of the freedom, of not having to see other people, of the temporary release of pressure (from deadlines, bosses, etc), and the familiarity of their home surroundings. Some people love the fact they can spend a lot more time at home with their children, and some others are just happy to not have to commute anywhere else. I am not one of those people.

    Today is a perfect example of how not stimulating it is for me to work from home. First of all, I did not set an alarm. After you get up early every day of the week, you never sleep past 8:30am anyway. I woke up, changed into sweatpants and a tank top (no shower), turned on my work computer, found a spot on the couch, turned on the TV, and proceeded to begin my work day.

    I only have one meeting today. It’s one of those meetings where you have absolutely no input, but you were somehow appointed the meeting organizer. My calendar is full of such meetings. At the end of the call, I am so confused about what the actual subject matter experts were talking about that I can’t even throw together a reliable email of meeting minutes. Anyways, none of that really matters today because it’s FRIDAY and nobody really cares to do much work right before a weekend, so it promises to be an easy day.

    By the end of my meeting it was 10:30am, I had had no breakfast (because I jumped out of bed and straight on the computer), and I had been in a still almost-lying-down position since 6pm the night before. I did manage to get up and take 3 minutes to make scrambled eggs, and ate them just as quickly to get back to the computer. Right now it’s almost noon, and I accomplished putting a dashboard together for a chief leader, and a cost estimate for an internal client (in Information Technology, aka IT, that’s all you have: internal clients). At the same time I was doing all that, I managed to get a good grasp of what the ladies from The View were jabbering about this morning (romantic comedies), I got ticked at the fact that The Donald gave the latest Apprentice crew the same task he gave out in the very first season (selling ice cream), and I am now catching up on the Pilot episode of a new show called The Defenders ( ♥ Jerry O’Connell ♥ , dreamy).

    As you can see, working from home means: delayed meals, physical inactivity, unavoidable lack of focus, and a lot of TV watching. I feel like a mess, my mouth tastes like ass, and I cannot wait until I can actually unchain myself from the computer to go shower and put on some decent clothes (which, who are we kidding, would probably not happen at all if I didn’t have a plan to go out anywhere).

    Lucky for me, I do have a reason to get out today: I am closing on the refinancing of my house. We had a 5.5% APR on the mortgage, and we are upgrading to a luxurious 4.5%. Jealous much? I know I would be.

    So, at some point I will have to get up, get dressed, and go. I’ll then come back here, catch up on more emails (which have a way of accumulating by the hundreds when unattended), and then hopefully close out just in time to avoid some procrastinator who absolutely needs something from me before the weekend. I love it when I manage to avoid those and *oops* don’t get to see their message until Monday. “Do you still need that thing? I’m sorry I didn’t get your message until today!”

    And such is the life working from home. How can ANYONE stand this for more than one day????

    abi

  • Checked Out

    I cleaned out my desk this morning. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving YET. It’s just that I’ve been staring at all the papers that accumulated in my drawers and on the desk over the years, and I just had to shred, throw out and sort. It had to be done. Why now? Oh, I don’t know… because I’m GOING NUTS waiting for an offer so I can finally LEAVE?! Yeah, that sounds about right.

    I wish I could say that considering outside prospects has made me appreciate my company all the more, but I can’t. In fact, it’s made me feel like anything I do will not really matter in the end. Anything I learn will be for naught. And anything I haven’t started yet will probably stay unstarted until someone else takes over.

    The problem with that mindset is the stupid fact that I have been on this interviewing process since June, and it’s almost October and I haven’t been able to give my notice yet. For all I know, I might still be here, in the same spot, a year from now. That’s more true than you can imagine.

    That’s pretty much why nobody at work knows that I’m leaving: because I can’t even guarantee myself that I will be leaving at all. Case in point, the job I applied to two years ago in Cambridge. I was a shoe-in: one of my old bosses, who had left the company, called me on my cellphone and asked me to go work for him. I went through several interviews, and finally decided to not pursue it any longer. The reason: my company was paying for my MBA, and it would have been stupid to leave for a company that would only compensate about 20% of the cost per year. If I had told my boss back then that I was considering leaving, I would have been in the most awkward position for the rest of my time in that team. So, the rule is: unless you have ACCEPTED an offer somewhere else, and you have a start date, and it is 2 weeks before the time you have to leave, you say NOTHING at work. You just never know what’s around the corner.

    I’m just so checked out. If I have to say No to the hospital job, that means I’ll be staying in my current job until December, since the company job doesn’t start until January. The wait is excruciating!

    In the meantime, I guess I’ll just keep talking about the budgeting plans for 2011 as if I were going to be here to see them through.

    Nothing like a half-ass stroll through a work day. So sad.

    abi

  • What’s in a Name?

    Working Girl (1988)

    Urban Dictionary defines Working Girl as “Euphemistic term for a prostitute, often preferred by the sex workers themselves.” — yikes, maybe I should have listened to my instinct when I picked the name!

    Or maybe I should just post a permanent post at the top of this page saying “This blog is not about hookers” or “Try a 900 line instead” or something like that.

    I feel bad for those people coming to this site (no pun intended) to check out call girls. I thought about changing the name of the blog, for the sake of those poor souls, but then I remembered that Working Girl (1988) was also a funny romantic comedy from the 80’s about Melanie Griffith working in the corporate world! And so, the name stays! All for those people who are looking for a blog about a cool chick who works at a corporate office in Boston!

    Are you buying it? 🙂 How’s that for a save?

    abi

  • Hello Boston!

    Hello Boston!

    Welcome to my site. How you got here, I’ll never know………. unless I sent you the link, in which case I know EXACTLY how you got here 😉

    I’m a 29-year old cool chick working in Boston in the corporate world. Over the past 7 years I have acquired many a story of working in this environment, but I never wrote a blog about them out of sheer fear of being found out and fired.

    Well, thanks to the wonders of the first amendment, the fact that I’m using fake names, and my constant need to say what is on my mind, I have decided to just let it all out here.

    Right now you are catching me in the process of getting a new job. I have been working for this company since my junior year internship, and I think it’s time to part ways. You see, I came to Boston only 4 years ago to live close to family, only to realize that working at a satellite office is not all it’s cracked up to be. I can work from home any day I want, but, after having tried it for over a month (seeing as there was NOBODY in my office who actually worked there more than 2 days a week), I have to say it’s not for me. I don’t know if it’s the darkness, the sitting on the couch all day, or the feeling that Frasier and Niles Crane are more my work peers than real people are, but it just did not work out. But I digress. The point is that I can’t stand working with just a computer and a phone all day long, and I need a new challenge!

    The two companies I’m interviewing with are very different. One is a multinational software company that makes software for health care systems, and the other is a major hospital in the area. One is a for-profit corporation with plenty of money to go around, and the other is a non-profit with just a promise of working so close to the medical field you can taste the blood (ok, that was gross, but probably not far from accurate). My heart is with the hospital, given as I have been obsessed with the medical profession ever since I got hooked on ER ( ♥ Dr Greene ♥ , dreamy) back in 2004. However, they are offering me a considerable pay cut that I can’t ignore, while the multinational is offering me a little bit more than I make right now, plus a signing bonus.

    After talking to everyone under the sun, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot afford to take such a great pay cut, especially if I end up not liking the job and I have to put myself out in the market again at a lower salary position. I have an MBA, for God’s sake, why would I take a pay cut the same year I graduated from business school??? I am the first to say that money isn’t everything, and if your happiness costs several thousand dollars less a year, then so be it! But I can’t even guarantee that this job will be the solution to all my problems. It’s a huge risk, and I have to be smart about it. The alternative is not that bad: the job at the multinational company will allow me to get back to my computer science roots by teaching me how to program a very sophisticated health care application, and will have opportunities for growth to travel to South America and Europe. They’ll even pay for language classes! (I know Spanish, but they think it would be nifty if I knew Portuguese also). So, really, I am not losing either way. It would just kill me to reject a potentially AMAZING opportunity at the hospital just because of a few cents (or thousands of dollars).

    I called HR at the hospital this morning and asked them if I could meet the team. We have been doing interviews since September 1st, but I still have not met my peers. I’ll make a decision after that. Most likely, I’ll ask for only a small pay cut, and see how they react. If they can’t match me, I’ll just have to say goodbye and accept the multinational job, which is slated to start in January.

    Choices Choices… it’s a good problem to have, though, isn’t it?

    abi

  • Nights off are underrated

    I have NOTHING planned for tonight, and I’m uncharacteristically sighing of relief.

    I’m the kind of person who requires a busy schedule in order to maintain a certain acceptable level of sanity. I book my nights a week in advance to make sure I will have things to do and people to see. It’s been this way ever since college. I used to keep a planner with a billion things written in, not unlike Christine’s planner, except I highlighted every little thing. I was out of control!

    Now that I get to choose what to do with my free time after work, I am sick of being out every night and going to bed late. I want to go home, make dinner, and go to bed at a reasonable time. And that’s exactly what I’ll be doing tonight.

    I was supposed to have my piano lesson tonight, but I’m tired and just wanna go home. Piano has been moved to Sunday, and I got 2 nights off at home 🙂

    It’ll take me some time, but I believe I’ll some day find the correct balance between being busy and relaxed.

    ina

  • The OFFiS

    I finally did it! I invited my friends over for a viewing of an Oscar nominated film in the Foreign Language category!

    The OFFiS

    I don’t get to watch the Academy Awards every year, but when I do, they sneak up on me and I end up kicking myself in the butt for not planning ahead and having no idea which movie should win best picture. But what’s frustrated me the most for YEARS is the fact that the foreign films sounded even better than the American films, and there was no way for me to watch them. Until now!

    Netflix has all the nominated foreign films you could want! So I finally decided to take the bull by the horns and set up a glorious recurring movie night with my friends to watch those elusive foreign flicks.

    We’ll start on Sunday, October 3rd, at 4PM, and get together every 3 or 4 Sundays. I made it early in the day so that everyone can get back home at a reasonable hour, and so that I don’t have to provide dinner, which would add cost to the event, which I’m sure nobody would appreciate.

    And so, the OFFiS are born! OFFiS stands for Oscar Foreign Film Sundays 🙂

    Our first film is Departures from Japan. Check out the trailer here

    I’m so excited!!! My soul feels a little bit more fed.

    ina

  • Authenticity – Part II

    img src: http://tinyurl.com/2ak2jy8

    As I was watching The Big Bang Theory last night, I got to thinking about Sheldon, and I have decided that I envy him.

    From what I mentioned in my last Authenticity post you now know that there are a lot of thoughts I habitually leave unsaid and that I have been tasked with writing them down so I can be more aware of them. Well, the awareness is making me a bit uncomfortable.

    When Dr. Crane asked me how many times a day I thought I left things unsaid, I answered “just a couple times a week.” Well, it’s been just a few days and already have jotted down 8 occurrences, 2 of which were lingering flashbacks. I wish I could share them with you, but I am ashamed of my own thoughts, which is why I keep them to myself in the first place. All I can tell you is that they are mostly hostile towards people who decide to act selfishly, or people who don’t fully comply with my idea of what constitutes common sense. Who knew I encountered these situations so often in the course of the day???

    I’ve also noticed that while I keep my hostile self hidden from most of the world, I have no problem revealing my true and raw feelings to my husband (even if they are targeted at him). He has this uncanny ability to not be affected by my anger and turning any problem into an easy solution. He knows me in and out, is not afraid of my thoughts, and still loves me. That’s a keeper.

    So as I watch Sheldon, I can’t help but notice how he manages to be himself, annoy everybody in the process, and still come out as a lovable character. Anybody as annoying as he is would be shunned from any social situation in real life. Can you imagine a world where you can say and do exactly as you think and still manage to have a healthy social life?

    Sigh. I wish.

    ina

  • To Vicious Cycles

    I have my vicious cycle: I go to bed too late, wake up too late, run to catch the train, feel all out of whack, skip breakfast, have a huge/unhealthy lunch, feel like crap, don’t want to go to bed to delay tomorrow as much as possible, and start over. Usually that’s just the beginning of a downward spiral into my own implosion.

    I want to stop the cycle. I don’t want it to continue its course from here. Today, I will have fruit and yogurt for breakfast, a small lunch at Au Bon Pain with Tori Amos, go home after work and fold laundry until bedtime.

    That is my plan, and I hope it works out. For my own sanity’s sake.

    Do you have a vicious cycle? What are you going to do to break it TODAY???

    ina

  • Dieting

    I decided this past Monday that I would try to lose weight. I have done well at having fruit and a yogurt for breakfast, having salads for lunch, and having just one dinner (as opposed to snacking in addition to dinner). Well, last night didn’t count: I had dinner at Portia de Rossi’s apartment, and had to have the dessert.

    Now that I’m getting the food part down, I have got to figure out how to incorporate exercise into my weekdays. I’ll leave that for next week. Too busy this week!

    🙂

    …

    🙁

    I’m so hungry…

    ina

  • Authenticity

    img src: http://tinyurl.com/3aghw79

    I visited a new therapist yesterday. We’ll call her Dr. Crane.

    I was referred to Dr. Crane by my friend Alicia Keys, who knew her professionally. The caveat is that Dr. Crane is so well known and in such high demand that she doesn’t need to be part of an insurance network, so her wages per hour add up to about 7 times a typical specialist co-pay. “Ouch! Kiss and make it bettah!”

    Alicia Keys assured me Dr. Crane was worth every penny. Although it’s hard for me to agree that any kind of advice would be worth that kind of money, I do have to admit that she brought up certain things I had not thought of on my own, even after all these years of trying to find answers through similar sessions.

    Our conversation led me to conclude that I seem to have turned my black & white type of thinking onto myself. I judge myself against values that are very meaningful to me, such as honesty and authenticity. Just like I judge others for being fake or selfish, I judge myself for not being 100% honest and authentic 100% of the time.

    You know when someone says or does something you don’t like, but you stay quiet because you don’t think the fight is worth it? Well, that happens to me often enough that I beat myself up for not being authentic. This leads to feelings of self-betrayal, which leads to my feeling like an impostor who might be found out any second, therefore leading to the assumption that I am not genuine and therefore people must hate me. And if they don’t, then they will as soon as they “find me out.” Messed up, isn’t it???

    My homework for the next session (a month from now) is to write down things I stop myself from saying just so I can create more awareness in my own head about those times I feel I am self-betraying.

    Interesting stuff!

    There were other things that came up that actually made me feel much stronger and more apt to withstand other problems.

    Maybe I can’t say Dr. Crane was worth every penny, but she was certainly worth making a second appointment with.

    Good luck to all of you who are trying to figure out your own inner workings 🙂 It’s not easy, is it??? But it’s fun to learn more about yourself 🙂

    ina

  • Patience

    Patience. Someone please tell me whether it’s good or bad, ’cause I can’t keep waiting to learn the answer on my own.

    My mother says it’s a virtue. Someone I once interviewed with told me they wanted people with little of it. I feel impatience every second of my life, and every day I’m advised to reverse my ways. Not only do I hate being told how to be, but I also hate getting mixed signals. Is it good to be patient because it increases your passion levels, or is it bad because others tend to dislike that trait in people?

    I can say this much: it would be VERY HARD for someone to adjust perfectly to different situations such that they are just patient or just impatient enough.

    Make up your minds people, I’m only human.

    ina

  • 10,000 hours

    Source below*

    It has just been brought to my attention that a person must practice a task for 10,000 to become an expert at it. Knowing that gives me a very soothing feeling: it means that, no matter what I set my mind to, all I have to do to become an expert is to do it for 10,000 hours and I’m all set!

    What a relief! No more “if”s and more “when”s! Pick something! ANYTHING! Learning the bones in the human body? Playing piano? Lifting weights? Running an X number of miles? Never worry again! You have the answer: 10,000 hours later you will be a star! Go ahead, start a Blog called “Ten Thousand Hours” and track your progress! You might even get a book deal or, better yet, a movie deal!!!! GASP!

    How long is 10,000 hours anyway? 416 continuous days (a year and a couple of months) of no sleeping, eating or working. Mmm… What if we practiced an hour a day? Doable, right? That’ll be like 27 years. Huh… Ok, what if we did more like 10 hours a week (a hardcore hobby)? That’s 19 years.

    Mmmm… better call the whole thing off. I’d probably get bored by month 5 anyway.

    ina

    * Image source: http://mully1.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/10000-hits/

  • Fall is here

    Today was the first day I got to use my September MBTA monthly pass on the train. It’s officially fall.

    This year, more than any other year, I am looking forward to the holidays. Every other year I have been too preoccupied about school and work, but not this year. My plan is to enjoy my new found free time to the fullest for the next 4 months, and do some serious decorating at home for each holiday from now until Christmas. By November my basement will be 100% finished and my life will be in complete order. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

    I hope you get to enjoy these few months as well. It’s the last year of the decade, so let’s kiss it goodbye with a smile in our hearts 🙂 (cheesy, right? Just go with it)

    Happy Start of the Holiday Season, everyone!

    ina

  • The Next Generation

    Jaden & Will Smith
    They played the new The Karate Kid (2010) movie on my flight this morning, with Will Smith‘s son in it. As I watch little Jaden Smith I felt a rush of emotion and nostalgia: his facial expressions resembled those of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air!!! It was really uncanny!
    Tom & Colin Hanks
    It’s the same feeling I got when I saw The Great Buck Howard with Tom Hanks‘s son, Colin Hanks. It was like watching The Money Pit all over again. I am so excited to see that the stars from my childhood are being reborn before my very eyes.

    It really feels like the rebirth of an era. The physical comeback of a wonderful period when actors had to earn their place in the spotlight. When celebrities were so beautiful and perfect they transported you to a fantasy world. When fame was something only talented people were worthy of experiencing. I know it’s too much to hope for just because of the fact that child actors remind me of their parents, but I can’t seem to let it go.

    Kathleen Turner
    As the stars we have come to know and love grow older and/or sick, we can’t help but attaching ourselves to our memory of them. Michael Douglas, Michael J Fox, Sharon Stone, Mel Gibson, Arnold Schwarzenegger,
    Kirstie Alley
    Kirstie Alley, John Travolta, Kathleen Turner, Dustin Hoffman, and does anybody even remember Dudley Moore? [Deep sigh] Now, obviously there is nothing we can do about actors growing older, nor would we want to. Actors are very capable of reinventing themselves constantly and many manage to
    Michael Douglas
    successfully remain current for subsequent generations. I guess my point is that we will never get young and beautiful Kathleen Turner back, or handsome and sexy Michael Douglas, or funny and quirky Kirstie Alley (without the stupid fat jokes embedded in). Gone are the days when these stars graced our screens. We really want to think of them the way they were in their prime, and it’s hard for us to face the reality that their greatness will only live in our memory… and in movies for posterity. So if I can fantasize about their reincarnation by watching their offspring, then, gosh darn it, I will indulge in that pleasure.

    Seeing our stars being born again gives me hope that the world of entertainment will not be downgraded and obfuscated by the celebrity of Snooki, Paris Hilton, Heidi Montag, and Flavor Flave. If that is all the “talent” we are harvesting, then what will our children have to look up to?

    The Next Generation

    I pray for the world… I pray very hard.

    ina

  • Flying Thoughts

    I think I’m getting old. I have noticed that I am becoming increasingly aware of how high 33 thousand feet actually are, and that I occasionally tear up right before take off when I think of what my husband would do if anything were to happen to me. I had never had these feelings before this year.

    Over the past four weeks I have been on 10 flights, 40% of which were international, adding up to approximately 20 thousand miles. That’s more than I normally travel in a year under normal circumstances. At the same time, it is safe to say that I am a seasoned flyer: I have been on a plane every year since I was 7 years old (maybe even before that). I am used to the routine, I know how to pack compactly, I even have my toiletries 100% duplicated and ready to go at any given point in time, and I know that turbulence is just caused by a few clouds. So why the sudden dread to fly? Why the fear that something will happen? Why the tears?

    Brian & Ina

    I guess I’m just getting to a point in my life where I would leave a lot behind. If something were to happen to me, my husband’s life would change forever. He doesn’t deserve it. He deserves to be happy and to have a great life. If I were gone, his wonderful spirit would be destroyed. I guess it just gets harder: once I have children, my worries will increase exponentially. Maybe I’ll get to a point some time when I just refuse to take this kind of risk, and just not travel. Could that ever happen?

    It’s funny to think how not-worried I am about myself when it comes to my own doom: when I die, I will be dead. Whether I did the things I wanted to do in life is so irrelevant. I can only think of what would happen with my greatest achievement to date: creating a happy life for my husband. I just love him so much.

    Alright, getting on the last leg of my flight. I’ll get some McDonald’s for lunch to eat on the plane. So yummy and yucky at the same time, isn’t it?

    ina

  • Venezuela makes the AA warnings

    I love it when my country makes headlines. Unfortunately they have all pretty much been for negative things over the past 10 years, except when it comes to Miss Universe pageants, but I digress.

    This sign was posted at the American check-in counters at the airport this morning.

    Warning

    Man, it’s great to start the morning with a full dosage of crazy.

    ina

  • What is a “Mess”?

    I used to think that a “mess” was a pretty universal concept understood as things placed in a disorderly fashion. What I didn’t realize was the gradient involved in what constitutes a mess for one person versus another… until I visited my mother.

    I’d like to challenge your “mess” savvy. Take a look at these two pictures. I want you to guess which one made my mother scream out “You are messing up my whole house!” 🙂

    Good luck 🙂

    Possible Mess #1

    Possible Mess #2

    ina

  • Supernova (2005)

    Luke Perry
    I can’t remember the last time I was so outraged by the scientific inaccuracies of a movie in my life. Well, it’s not really a movie, more like a SyFy channel miniseries called Supernova (2005).

    The premise of the movie is that an astronomer discovered that the sun was approximately 1 week away from going supernova. Freakin’-a, I can’t even finish writing the premise without already finding 5 things wrong with that statement. Now, I worship Luke Perry as much as the next Beverly Hills 90210 fan, but if his career wasn’t over after this show, I don’t know what else could finish it.

    I’m no expert, but I can tell you a few things that I know from watching series about the Universe on the History Channel:

    1. A supernova is when a massive star (100 times the size of our sun) reaches the end of its life, and it collapses to its center right after expanding in a huge explosion. It is impossible for our sun to go supernova because it is simply not big enough. When our sun finally dies, it will become a white dwarf, which is a different phenomenon of end-of-life for a star.
    2. Suppose our sun was about to die. Take my word for it, it would be impossible to calculate the exact time of collapse to the week. The evolution of stars go over millions of years, and their lifespan is certainly not measured in days.
    3. The plasma “fire balls” they keep referring to are completely misrepresented. There are a few things wrong with this picture. It is true that the sun may emit plasma flares, however, they are not fire balls! These are flares of electron-free charges (basically naked nuclei), which are not lit up on fire! Should a flare actually be pointed towards Earth, they would be attracted to our magnetic poles. The surge would be so great, that it would indeed cause blackouts and render satellites useless… but not for just a little while! It would be permanent. But none of that is happening in the movie. Instead, they are showing something similar to a massive meteor shower.
    4. More things wrong with the flares: they show the sun flaring out in rings. Dude, sorry to break it to you, but flares occur in single spots on the sun, NOT as rings of energy.
    5. If you really want to nit pick, you can easily have a field day with the representation of those fireballs. If they are coming from the sun, people should be seeing them coming straight on, not sideways as if they were entering the atmosphere at an angle. They are also extremely slow coming in! The flare will not travel at the speed of light, since we are in fact talking about physical matter, but they would be FAST: literally coming at millions of kilometers per hour. Why do they look like they are falling leasurely down through the sky??? Are they actually slowed down THAT much by AIR??? Which brings me to my next point of visual misrepresentation: they keep falling onto Earth in different angles! Take a look at this picture. If the flare is coming from the sun, why on Earth (no pun intended) would they come from different angles! Look at their tail trajectory. Seriously people?
    Why are they coming from different angles???

    There are many things wrong with this series. And they are not subtle. Even I knew the sun’s death meant becoming a white dwarf, and I’m not even an astronomer! Did they not have consultants on set??? Did they talk to ANY reputable astronomer? Or did they think just because it was SciFi they would be able to get away with anything they wanted? Or maybe more people would tune in to see a show called Supernova rather than one called White Dwarf.

    Warning: spoiler alert

    Oh, and by the way, the final resolution was that the genius scientist (our dearest Luke Perry) found that his own calculations were wrong by a SIGN error (should have been a minus sign, not a plus sign). He caught it, and saved the world! By the way, just minutes before that scene, my father (an amateur astronomer himself) actually called it: “he probably just had like one sign wrong.” My father gets the credit for calling that one.

    ina

  • Home is where the ♥ is

    It’s a cloudy morning in Texas. Although the temperature reading is 81 degrees, the wind chill puts it somewhere in the high 70s. Call me crazy, but I was getting goosebumps, so I got a fleece for my legs 🙂 See the picture below.

    Fleece in 80 degree weather

    It feels good to be “home.” The quotation marks are there because I am not from Texas, I’ve never lived in Texas, and this is the first time in my life I’ve stepped into this house. But what makes it home is that my parents live here, that the glasses are the same as the ones I drank out of growing up, that the Persian rug in the living room was the same one we had in our study back home, that the sitting stool in the bathroom is the one that belonged in my sister’s bedroom vanity, and other things like that. I could entertain myself for hours just walking around and pointing at familiar pieces.

    Home is a funny concept. I am from Venezuela, but that’s not really home anymore, is it? Don’t get me wrong, I do get a sense of familiarity and warmth whenever I visit, but I have not lived there for one minute of my adult life, which, in a few years, will outnumber my number of childhood and teenage years. Right now, home is wherever my loved ones are. I can go to my cousin Lara Croft’s apartment in Caracas and feel at home, or visit my mother in Texas and feel at home. Or just go anywhere where my husband Brian is and feel at home.

    When people ask me where I’m from I have two answers for them: if they appear to be intrigued by the accent, I’ll say Venezuela; but if I’m in a different state and they know I don’t live there I’ll say Boston. It’s all in the context of the question.

    I was telling my neighbor Ethel, who is from Pennsylvania, how strange it was that our kids will answer “I’m from Norwood” to that question. She admitted to have marveled at that, too. As parents, we control where our kids are from. It’s a little mind boggling, isn’t it?

    Now I’m just rambling. Procrastinating, I guess.

    If you haven’t visited your home, I encourage you to take the time. Most times it won’t be a place, but people.

    ina

    I’ll leave you with the lyrics to a great song by Miranda Lambert called “The house that built me”. Watch the song on youtube here.

    Miranda Lambert
    ♫♪ I know they say you can’t go home again
    I just had to come back one last time
    Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
    But these handprints on the front steps are mine ♫♪

    ♫♪ Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
    Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
    I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
    My favorite dog is buried in the yard ♫♪

    ♫♪ I thought if I could touch this place or feeling
    This brokenness inside me might start healing
    Out here it’s like I’m someone else
    I thought that maybe I could find myself
    If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
    Won’t take nothing but a memory
    From the house that built me ♫♪

    ♫♪ Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
    From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
    Plans were drawn and concrete poured
    Nail by nail and board by board
    Daddy gave life to mama’s dream ♫♪

    ♫♪ I thought if I could touch this place or feeling
    This brokenness inside me might start healing
    Out here it’s like I’m someone else
    I thought that maybe I could find myself
    If I could walk around in I swear I’ll leave
    Won’t take nothing but a memory
    From the house that built me ♫♪

    ♫♪ You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
    I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am ♫♪

    ♫♪ I thought if I could touch this place or feeling
    This brokenness inside me might start healing
    Out here it’s like I’m someone else
    I thought that maybe I could find myself
    If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave
    Won’t take nothing but a memory
    From the house that built me ♫♪

  • Help the Hoarders

    I heard a news story today that stirred up a lot of feelings in me. I’m still trying to sort them out… but this post is what I got so far.

    The story was about a 67-year-old woman who disappeared 4 months ago, and was found under a pile of junk in her own home.

    Her husband reported her missing, and was living in that house the whole time. Neither he nor the search dogs (which came looking for her THREE times) could identify the smell of her corpse over the smell of all the other crap she was trapped under. And these were the kind of dogs they used to recover people out of the 911 debris!

    Picture unrelated to news story. Credited to momlogic.com
    Hoarding is a very real condition that affects thousands of homes in the United States. It is not pretty and it is very hard to overcome.

    Why did this story stir me up? I still really don’t know… but you wanna hear what’s messed up about this whole thing? The first thought that came to mind when I heard the story was “I wish I got one month to clean up that house, and leave it in complete order.”

    You see, there are certain little things that get to me and they are very hard for me to let go of. Call it borderline OCD if you like, but it’s a character trait that makes me the anal person I call “me.” My hubby Brian has tried to make me see that it’s OK to let some things go, but not very successfully.

    One of my friends has mastered the art of living in a pile of clothes. She doesn’t hoard STUFF, she mostly just can’t organize clothes to save her life. She quite literally cannot see her own bedroom floor. I offered to help, and we got as far as identifying which clothes she would keep and which clothes she would give away. We never made it past that point. We scheduled a couple of appointments, but she always ended up canceling. It’s a frightening prospect to have to go through all of that stuff. It would be overwhelming for anyone… but simply and inexplicably exciting for someone like me.

    I have often thought of starting my own organizing business. If any of you watched the latest episode of My Boys (TBS sitcom), you know that Kenny wanted to start a closet-organizing business. I loved how easily he set up his next step: “I’ll just set up a website and see what happens.” He organized one of his friends’ closet for before and after pictures, and he just went for it. It was that simple. I drooled the entire episode. What a dream.

    Could I do it? I don’t know… maybe I’m just afraid of the confrontation aspect of the job. After all, you’ll have to get people to let go of things. It takes convincing and a lot of negotiations with the clients. I’m not sure I like that part of it.

    If I decided to do it, when would I find the time? Maybe I could start taking small clients and do it on weekends… I don’t know… I’m afraid! I tend to jump into things way too quickly. Maybe I’ll put a pin on it and think about it some more.

    It’s exciting to dream, isn’t it?

    ina

  • MBTA Silver Line

    I just took the train to the airport for my flight to Texas this evening. That’s not strange, I have done this many times before, but this time I took a different route: instead of taking the Blue Line (subway) to Airport station and then the shuttle to the terminal, I took the Silver Line (bus) straight to the terminal.

    First off, let me dispel the myth that it is faster because it drops you off at your terminal. It isn’t! At least if you take the subway you don’t have to deal with traffic, and the shuttle is a DROP OFF ONLY bus! The Silver Line bus picks up passengers, which makes it really slow to move on from terminal to terminal.

    The one thing that I found kind of nifty was that the Silver Line bus goes UNDERGROUND for the first 3 stops. So it works almost like a subway, but it’s on wheels! See a picture below. I thought that was kind of cool.

    Subway Bus!

    Alright, wish me luck in my travels! Wow, I feel like I live on a plane lately.

    ina

  • Funny Enrique

    Sometimes Enrique Montoya, my coworker, comes up with the funniest stuff.

    This morning I got an instant message from one of our higher ups. The message said:

    B.K.: ho
    B.K.: hi
    ina: hi B.K.

    Two hours later, that was all there was in the chat window. Still nothing. Not wanting to pry about what he wanted, I left it alone.

    Fully understanding that the “ho” was a simple “hi” typo, but not being able to let it go (which speaks to my maturity levels), I just decided to turn around and joke with Enrique. This is how it went:

    ina: B.K. sent me an instant message at 8:41am. He said “ho” then said “hi”. I responded with “hi B.K.” and then he didn’t write again. Was he really just feeling the urge to call me a ho and say hi?
    Enrique Montoya: You should message him back and write: “Pimp” and then “hi”
    ina: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Enrique Montoya: Ho’s up, pimps down
    ina: that would be appropriate workplace behavior… what did you call it?… a CLM? ( = Career Limiting Move) lol!
    Enrique Montoya: yes, grasshoppa, you learn fast

    Sometimes he really cracks me up 🙂

    ina

  • Texas bound

    After 15 min of hard manual labor, I managed to get my luggage all the way from my house to the train station this morning. My heavy companion will be coming with me to Texas at the end of the work day today.

    I am very satisfied with how I left things at home: cleaned the bathroom, washed and folded ALL the laundry, cleaned the general areas, tidied up my room (meaning the guest room, where most of my clothes reside), spent some time with Brian, and spent some time with Fred and Ethel’s baby girl (whom we’ll call Goldie Locks). It was just a great state in which to leave my daily life before abandoning it for a week.

    I’m looking forward to seeing my parents, my sister Monica Geller, and her babies, whom we’ll call Hansel (2) and Gretel (4). It will be nice to hang out with them outside of regular holiday visits. It’ll be almost as if I lived there. I can’t wait!

    Nothing much else to report. I guess that as my life unwinds to an untangled noodle there will be less and less to say… Until we start remodelling my basement! That will be an adventure in itself! So stay tuned 😉

    Happy Tuesday!

    ina

  • Things are Fine

    What do you do when things are just fine?

    For the past 3 years I have been looking forward to something or been eager for something to end: getting married, buying a house, finishing school, coming back home from work travels. So what happens when all of those things come and go?

    The answer may be all too predictable: new things take their place, right? But what happens when you truly reach the end of the tunnel or get through the storm, and all you find is peace and still waters as far as the eye can see?

    I am there. I have arrived. No more school. No more work travel. No more commitments. I actually feel relaxed, as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. My friendship hardships have been positively resolved, and I truly have nothing to worry about.

    The one thing that has the potential of ruining the moment: the reconstruction of my basement. But even that is something I’m very much looking forward to. Bring it on!

    Today I’m at the beach with Brian’s company, and it’s quite the day for it. I’m relaxed, I have chocolate cake and ice cream in my tummy, and I could fall asleep any second in the shade of the beach umbrella and warmth of the ocean breeze.

    Cape Cod

    May your weekends be as nice as mine,

    ina

    PS: check out my jellyfish tattoo!

    Jellyfish!

  • Just like the old days

    The past few weeks have been quite taxing on my schedule. I spent a whole week taking my very last MBA course (I’m done!!), spent a week in Norway for work meetings, and spent a week in Wisconsin for training. I got to be home this week, but I’ll be off to Texas to visit my family next week.

    Warning: the following text is a summary of the plans for my week. It will be dry, boring, and it will make you want to shut down your computer at once. Enter at your own risk!

    So what did I do with my one week at home, you ask? What any girl who just got out of school would do: fill it up with social stuff!

    Last Sunday I had a marvelous breakfast with @na in a little cafe in Holliston called Pejamajo.

    On Monday I ordered pizza with my wonderful husband, Brian, and went to bed early.

    On Tuesday I went out with Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi to an amazing restaurant in Chinatown called Penang and to see Eat Pray Love (2010).

    On Wednesday I was supposed to have piano lesson, but it was moved to Saturday, so I hung out with Brian. We ordered pizza again (I was too weak and tired to fight it) and watched parts of Back to the Future III (1990).

    On Thursday I went out with Charlotte to a little hole in the wall, albeit ranked in Zagat since 2003, Algerian/Mediterranean restaurant called Baraka Cafe.

    On Friday, today, I’m having lunch with Angela somewhere with a Restaurant Week Menu. At night, I’ll have dinner with my husband (low key) and then I’m off to sing my lungs out at Karaoke at Joy Asia in Marlborough with Tori Amos, Daria and Shakira.

    On Saturday I have my piano lesson in the morning, then lunch with Miranda Hobbes (my good friend from high school who is a very professional fashionista), then I’ll probably stop by at a BBQ in honor of one of my college professors, and then I’ll hang out with Alicia Keys.

    On Sunday my husband’s company is having their annual summer event, so I guess I’ll be putting my bathing suit and flip flops on and go meet his co-workers. Well, that’s a recipe for disaster if I’ve ever seen one.

    On Monday I’ll pack.

    On Tuesday I’ll leave for Texas to visit my family for a week.

    As you can see, I did not leave ANY room for boredom. Somehow this has completely energized me. Especially the part about going to karaoke tonight. We were regulars at Joy Asia back in the day (pre-MBA), and it makes me feel that maybe I CAN get my social life back! It’s all falling into place so neatly, I can’t help but feel excited about this coming fall! Just me, my job, and a blank slate of a calendar.

    I hope you all enjoy this weekend, and have good stories to tell for your own blogs!

    ina

  • Un Clavo Saca Otro Clavo

    Un Clavo Saca Otro Clavo: One nail drives out another (reference)

    The “situation” with Alicia Keys was driving me out of my mind on Tuesday evening, to the point of not being able to enjoy my dinner and a movie outing with my friends Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi. I’ll devote a separate entry to the movie Eat Pray Love (2010), as there is much to be said (little of which is good).

    I woke up Wednesday morning with Alicia Keys on my mind. I made an executive decision to distract myself and not obsess over it. So I asked myself: what was I obsessing over before this issue came along? Ah, my issue with Charlotte!

    My friend Charlotte and I have not been in speaking terms for a while. Mostly one-sided (mine). The parallel between the two situations was bothering me: Alicia Keys wanted to shun me from her life, just like I had done to Charlotte. Only, Charlotte didn’t really complain when it happened. It almost felt mutual. With Alicia Keys, I went full force on her to try to find out what was wrong and what I could do to fix it.

    So maybe now was a good time to call myself on my hypocrisy and mend things with Charlotte. So, I spent all day obsessing about how to talk to her for the first time in 8 months.

    I spent all day talking to friends: Enrique Montoya, Ellen DeGeneres, Monica Geller, Tori Amos. I had to make sure I was doing the right thing by breaking the silence. Unfortunately, the person whose opinion I cared about the most, my husband Brian, was not available for comment. He was in meetings all day, and my annoying constant calls were not going anywhere. I had to wait until we got home to discuss the situation.

    There are MANY levels of psychology at play with my situation with Charlotte, which I won’t get into (mostly because they make me look really pathetic). All I can say is that my problems with her evolved from the moment I started thinking about it, until the moment I finally decided to make the call. It was actually kind of cool how my friends helped me piece it all together: how she feels, how her behavior can be explained, how MY behavior can be explained, how a deep conversation would go, how a lighter approach would work.

    So I made the call, and we are having dinner tonight at Asmara in Cambridge. It’s this great Ethiopian place I fell in love with a couple of years ago. You had me at Mango juice.

    So, like they say, un clavo saca a otro clavo (a nail drives out another nail). One obsession quickly took precedence over another. If my issues with one friend can serve some kind of purpose to fix another friendship, then it won’t all be for naught.

    I’m hanging out with Alicia Keys on Saturday afternoon. Maybe things will be a little clearer then.

    ina